Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Torn ❯ Control ( Chapter 10 )

 

Disclaimer: I wish....

 

 

 

 

Chapter 10

 

~Love of Vegeta~

 

 

 

 

 

Vegeta was shaking, looking down at the unconscious woman beneath him. He'd been too rough... shit! What the fuck was wrong with him? Why had he let himself get carried away?

 

 

The moon was gone now... it was morning? He couldn't remember anything... well, no details. Passion, lust, desire… then blood, pain, screams... and finally; fulfilment. His Oozaru instincts had overtaken him. He never knew that would happen... but it did. Why did he care? He'd done it before... but never to such an extreme... not with her. But why was she any different? Fuck, he shouldn't be feeling this!! But he was... No! Why was he lying to himself, of course he was feeling it! Feeling what? What the fuck was going on? He felt like his insides were fighting one another.. what? That didn't make sense... pathetic, he'd lost control. That was it. And now he was trying to rationalise it.. why bother? He didn't care what others thought.. he never did, he was free now. No need....

 

 

Her breathing was shallow... Her body still in the same position he had left her. She was bleeding.. he'd cut her, probably with his ki. Her skin was red in some places, burnt when he'd powered up no doubt. Bites, bruises.. definitely a few broken bones...

 

 

She had fallen unconscious several times last night... he remembered hitting her, forcing her to wake. Sometimes he had just continued, and she had woken some minutes later... or was it hours? He didn't know. He hadn't cared about her... Had he given her a second thought? Was she even there?

 

 

Yes. He had wanted her to hurt.. to be broken... he wanted to torture her... if only she had been stronger, he could have done so much more...

 

 

And then sometimes she hadn't been there, and he imagined the face of his long hated rival writhing in pain beneath him... and than it had been the very pale lizard that had destroyed his home and life. Kakkarott.. Frieza... Why had he seen them? Not fucking them, at least, he didn't think he was. He had just been hurting them. Killing them... But then he had realised he was killing the woman. But she wasn't dead... but she nearly had been.

 

 

She wasn't hurt that bad... not seriously hurt. So why was he thinking so hard about it? Did he regret it? No... no he didn't regret it.. he had enjoyed it.. he wanted to do it again... It's just that.. was he really in control? He wanted this, but what if the only reason for that was the spell in his head? Would the real him want this? Would Vegeta, Prince of the saiyans, be doing this if it weren't for the parasite in his mind? He wanted to be himself, not some freak spell's toy. He wanted to be in control of himself... What if he got rid of it, would he still want this? Was there a way to...

 

 

The woman made no sound when he pulled her up by her arm, lifting her up like she weighed no less than a helium balloon. She flopped lifelessly over his shoulder. Her skin was freezing..... And? He didn't care...

 

 

He made an effort to be careless when carrying her lifeless form back to Capsule Corps, occasionally allowing her head to hit an odd branch or tree. He didn't care about her…

 

 

He walked through the trees and bushes, following last night's footsteps. Running.. fear.. anger.. screams.. pain... and lust.. pure uncontrolled lust. A rush of memories greeted him with every footstep he uncovered. Every broken branch or misplaced leaf brought it all back in rushes…

 

 

A broken twig besides his bare foot... a tree split down the middle, the trunk torn into two, each half folding over in opposite directions... He'd done that looking for her.. why he didn't know...

 

 

Memories ran through his mind like a movie being broken up into tiny fragments and played back in a messy order. He was hitting the woman, then he was removing his chest armour outside the GR... then he was running on bare foot through the forest.. then the moon.. then the woman's crying body thrashing against his chest. Countless tidal waves of pure unadulterated passion as he roared his release over and over, endless screams of agony spurring on his desire for blood, for pain...

 

 

And then the fantastic sensation of every barrier he'd ever known, of walls he never knew existed shattering into negligible pieces, tearing away the very last shred of their control, of all control that limited him, even his own control. It felt like his very soul had been released, every hidden or denied feeling surfacing, the taste of the ultimate freedom setting his entire being on fire for those few precious moments as he climaxed. But it was never enough, never satisfied him, he had to have it again, and every time he did the pure bliss would increase tenfold, as the woman's exhausted and injured body would suffer the brunt of his disappearing control over and over.

 

 

But then over twenty years experience as a soldier told him to stop. This amount of pleasure was not allowed, there were things he should be doing... But there were no more combat assignments, he realised, no training for any threats to the Earth. No, there was nothing to bring him from his desires... for the first time in his life.. there was nothing stopping him...

 

 

The same thought had managed to rouse him from his endless fit of passion; there was always something that needed to be done.. what was it? He remembered his body trembling as he fought to regain some control, just so he could think. His hands had dug trenches into the solid as his body shook from withdrawal of the addictive freedom he needed to feel again. And then, the now dying and imprisoned part of his mind reminded him of just who the now silent and almost dead woman beneath him was. It was his wife... it was.. Bulma. That single meaningless word managed the strength to overcome the raging animal inside of him, and just for a single second... everything that was happening, what he was feeling, seemed so... Why was he doing this? Because he wanted this, or was he just led to believe he wanted this? Was he happy before? Happier than he was now?

 

 

Capsule Corps. He had reached it already. He flew up to the window of one of the building's many sleeping chambers, forcing open the balcony doors and carrying the woman inside. The woman didn't move a muscle when he dropped her onto the bed, but she was still breathing.

 

 

Suddenly he was attacked by a severe spell of dizziness. Heat beneath his forehead, aches in his shoulders, arms and legs. He was exhausted… when had he last slept? Two nights before he took the woman in the kitchen... he shouldn't be this tired... but it never felt like he had slept, mostly because of the nightmares that plagued his subconscious.

 

 

He moved to the window, shut the balcony doors and drew the curtains. Darkness covered everything, covered and protected him from all eyes, allowing him to travel where no one, no one but he may travel. Allowed him to think.

 

 

He sat on the edge of the bed, gazing at her body. Out of everything that had affected him in his life, she had affected him the most. The impact she had made... he had changed so much for her. The man she demanded, the man he had been forced to be, totally different to what he was. He felt like he was locked up, just being what she wanted him to be. The man she had wanted, it wasn't him. He had fitted and moulded himself, changed himself drastically just so he could have her, because he had wanted her, more than anything. More than she would ever know. But that was just it, it was all an act. He had treated it all like a game, when it should have been so much more than that. He shouldn't have had to change, no one should have to change that much, not even when that change was supposed to be for the good, because, in the end, it just made things so much worse. He couldn't pretend to her.. or to himself forever. He wasn't what he seemed to be.. she knew that. He was.... a monster. He didn't deserve love... he didn't deserve her.

 

 

His whole life he was constantly being changed, he had changed so much so many times. Changed for his father, changed for Frieza, changed for her. He had changed so much he couldn't even remember what he had changed from. Who was he? Was this it? Was this the man he was supposed to be, was this what he should have been?

 

 

Controlled and change.. it was all his life had consisted of. Living up to the expectations of others, or fitting into the roles they gave him. And yet he had never controlled anyone. Any possible control he might have had over his Father, by becoming the Saiyan King, was stripped away by another... Frieza. And then, the control that he should have been allowed, that he had been training for ever since the destruction of his home, the control he had wanted so desperately over the creature who had shattered his entire life, was taken away by a third class.

 

 

And then he met her. The control she had exhibited over him was unbelievable, to everyone and even to himself. Was he really that weak? To be controlled by even those not even one millionth of his strength? Was that why it felt so good when he hurt her? For once in his life, he was the one in control. The fact he could do anything he wanted, anything at all, make her do whatever he desired... and she couldn't do anything about it. Kakkarott... he was just as helpless, and it felt so good. He finally had the chance to be whatever he wanted to be... do whatever he wanted to do. No roles to play, and no one to stop him. Why was that so wrong?

 

But he had reached a wall yet again. For just how much control could he claim when he didn't even know if it were he who was exhibiting it? Was it just the Wizard's spell controlling him? But how could he give it up? It had felt so good, felt so good hurting her, being in control...

 

 

You need to escape. Escape from these feelings, from these thoughts.. you have to have to have it once more, just one more time...

 

 

But it wouldn't be enough; he wanted to feel it forever. No. He had to sacrifice this fantasy, it wasn't going to make everything better. There was always the feeling afterwards, the longing, the pain when he could no longer have it...

 

 

But then, when you did feel it, the pleasure was unimaginable...

 

 

But it was only fleeting...

 

 

But it felt so good. There was no hopelessness, no need to be better than anyone, no responsibility, no fear, no shame.

 

 

But afterwards those feelings would always return tenfold--

 

 

But then so would the pleasure.

 

 

He could either live with these feelings and sacrifice this control, this... drug, or..

 

 

Or you can take it, take the fantastic release it provides..

 

 

But constantly suffer its withdrawal. But he couldn't get enough of it. Couldn't get enough of the control, of the freedom he felt. But he didn't have control... he was being controlled. Although he loved it... he feared it. He didn't want to live not knowing if what he was doing was what he wanted or not. But…

 

 

There is nothing that makes you want to give it up, is there? What is there here? Without this, you're nothing but a prince of a dead race.. second to a third class... unworthy, inadequate, inferior... weak. But now, now you are strong. You are you again, and not Kakkarott, nor anyone, can stop you. You are what you have always wanted to be.

 

 

But the woman--

 

 

Is she worth loosing the ultimate freedom? No, she isn't what you want... she made you believe that. She controlled you, made you something you're not... made you weak. It is her influence that is making you believe this is wrong, but it isn't wrong... she is not in your body, she has not had your experience, no one else knows better than you what is the best decision for you.

 

 

"And you have had my experience?! You're nothing but Babadi's spell controlling my thoughts! You feed on my experiences, but you have not lived them!" There was silence, and then he could suddenly feel another's presence in the room. He saw its body clearly and yet... it was pitch black in the room.... navy blue spandex, white chest armour with gold flaps at the waist, a scouter covering his left eye. Thick black spiky hair rose in the shape of a flame from his head, beginning from the widows peak on his forehead. The image of himself looked at him through dark angular eyes. No, impossible...

 

 

Yes I have lived them. You think that Babadi's spell is doing all this? the figure smirked. The parasite is only allowing you to be what you truly are. It is making you face the things that have happened in your life, don't you see? It is the experiences we have in life that make us who we are, and hiding them away has only made you something you are not. It has made you weak.

 

 

"I am only weak because I am allowing myself to be controlled!"

 

 

No! Don't you feel it? Haven't you noticed? You are strong now, much stronger than before! I know you have realised. That is why you were so confident in front of Kakkarott, wasn't it? You are now the strongest warrior in the universe! The spell has done that, by making you face your life! The power has always been there, inside of you, but you could never unleash it. How could you have ever expected to know your true power, when you did not even know your true self? This is your true self, embrace it! And you will finally receive the power promised to you since your childhood!

 

 

"How can this be my true self?! If I took this infernal spell away I would not be this strong!"

 

 

No, you would still be as strong if you would just accept this is who you are! The spell did not give you this power, it only allowed you to realise it! You could not have done it on your own, you would not allow it, but now... now you see, don't you? You have already been given your past and you dealt with it! That is what has given you the power you wield now, but there is so much more there inside of you!

 

 

"So... so if I did continue like this.."

 

 

You would be unbeatable!

 

 

"Yes... I would.. but Kakkarott.. what if he interfered?"

 

 

Then you will kill him. He can not stop you, he thinks he can but he can't.

 

 

"What do you mean?"

 

 

The dragonballs. He thinks that by getting rid of the spell--

 

 

"No! I will stop him!"

 

 

No need. The parasite is useless to us now. You have already accepted your past, you already have the power. If it were to go now, nothing would change. This is who you are, who you're supposed to be. The spell only let you realise that. And now, you do realise. Let them waste their wish on ridding the spell, then no one will not be able to stop you!

 

 

Vegeta smirked. "Yes... no one."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sigh… not happy with the way this chapter turned out. Oh well, I might find some way to improve it in the future.

 

 

Thanks goes out to NSB, Autumn and Mely for the awesome reviews, and to Aiyana for your encouraging emails! You guys are great! The ideas I got off NSB and Autumn have really helped with this story so a lot of credit goes out to them! Really original and interesting ideas there, but I still expect this story to surprise you even though you know I am taking your ideas!

 

Please review and tell me what you think of this chapter, I'm stepping into the psychological stuff now... and I don't think it will end up the way I picture it in my head.

 

Till the next chapter,

 

 

 

~Love of Vegeta