Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Trinity ❯ Chapter 7

Trinity

Author: Xero Sky

Pairings: Vegeta, Vejitto, and Goku, or various combinations thereof.

Warnings: YAOI AU, lemon, language, violence, at some point. Silliness here and there. Intelligent Goku. Plus whatever warning's appropriate to intimate contact between a fusion and his separate selves . . . O.o

Note: "Take me, oh tailed god of might!" is courtesy of the lovely and perverted Talon.

Disclaimer: All copyrights belong to their appropriate owners. No profit is intended from this work of fan fiction.

Chapter 7

Eventually, Son Goku had just given up and gone home.

After almost an hour of yelling, it had become fairly obvious that nothing interesting was going to happen between Vegeta and Vejitto. The extremely pissed off prince, who wouldn't exactly say why he was so angry, had faced off against a highly satisfied Vejitto, who hadn't bothered trying to find his clothes and kept leering at both his "parents". Muscles were flexed, teeth were bared, and radiant, searing ki energy surged and flared. It was an impressive show.

Goku understood the language of battle better than any other, and it was clear to him that there wasn't going to be anything more than a show. If Vejitto had meant to beat the shit out of Vegeta, or if the prince had figured some way to defeat Vejitto, they would have gotten down to it already. Whatever was going on, it wasn't going to involve things being blown up.

If that was the case, Goku had begun to think that he had better things to do. He was naked and getting cold, and, frankly, his ass was kind of sore.

If the fight ever actually turned into a fight, he could be there instantly. With that thought in mind, he'd simply waved goodbye and flown back home. He was pretty sure that neither of them had even noticed.

Once back at Mt. Paozu, the thought of going inside to face Chichi while he was naked and dirty didn't appeal to him. He also smelled like sex, and though he was never sure how sharp her senses actually were, a bath first seemed like an excellent idea. He filled the outdoor tub as quietly as he could, heated the water with ki, stretched out in it, and sighed. It was wonderful. The hot water stung here and there, where Vejitto had scratched or bit him, but overall he couldn't remember anything ever feeling quite so good.

Well, except for that...

He shut his eyes, trying not to think about it. The mere fact of what he'd done with Vejitto was a little overwhelming. He needed some time until the whirlwind in his mind and heart settled down.

Always more comfortable with action than emotions, he was happy with the physical part of what they'd done. His sexual history might not have been all that stellar, but he wasn't a fool; he recognized a mind-blowing fuck when he had one.

It was the way he'd felt about it that bothered him now.

In his life so far, there were certain things that had never changed much. The most important, he guessed, was that Son Goku was always the strongest, and always the eventual winner in any serious fight. Even if he'd started the battle by getting his ass kicked, he always came back and won. Gohan was supposedly stronger than he was, and Vejiita was always just on the verge of surpassing him, but he was the one who came through.

Well, there had been the Cell thing, but that was different…

It was probably only natural that everyone he knew thought of him as The Hero. He had never really felt like one, but that just seemed to make their admiration worse. Their regard was like training clothes -- an extra, heavy weight that he wore all the time. Most people on the planet still thought of Mr. Satan as the savior of all humanity, and Goku was grateful for that, but his friends, and the growing circle of their friends, couldn't seem to look at him without that extra sort of gleam in their eyes.

He was used to it, even if he didn't like it.

What he wasn't used to was how damned good it had felt not to be the strongest. For most of his life, meeting up with someone more powerful than he was had been a bad thing. With the exception of his teachers, all the truly strong creatures he'd met had been not only hostile but vicious as well. Goku had needed to be the strongest and best, just to keep his family and his world alive.

Vejitto was different, though. He was far more powerful than Goku, but he was trustworthy. And Goku had trusted him, with his body and more. It had been amazing. Even more than the physical release had been the emotional release. Knowing full well that Vejitto could do whatever he wanted, he'd still trusted the fusion not to do anything to hurt him.

It had felt like being free and being home at the same time.

And he was pretty sure that the savior of the planet wasn't supposed to enjoy being completely out of control that much.

He couldn't figure out if it had been wrong to stretch out under Vejitto and surrender himself. And he couldn't stop thinking about what it had felt like.

His sharp hearing picked up steps approaching the tub, but he didn't look up. He didn't even need his ki sense to know who it was. If Chichi had discovered him, he would have been hearing about it by now. He wasn't inclined to put on his happy face for anyone else.

Not even his son.

"Dad?"

He looked up at Gohan standing at the other side of the huge tub, watching him warily. "What's up, Gohan?"

"I was just checking up on you," the younger Son said, leaning forward against the edge of the tub. "Your ki spiked up really high there for a while, then fell off completely. I figured you were suppressing it, since I didn't sense anything else wrong. Then I heard the water splashing out here."

Gohan looked exhausted, and Goku felt guilty for making him worry. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to make you upset."

"You didn't, Dad. I wasn't all that worried, really. I know something happened. Vegeta and Vejitto's kis have been all over the place for hours now. I knew if I couldn't feel yours, then whatever they were squabbling about must not be too serious."

Goku smiled a little, thinking about the last words he'd heard between those two before he'd left. It had all been in the Saiyajin language, but he'd somehow gotten the gist of it. Vegeta had suggested Vejitto perform a sexual act on himself that Goku was sure was physically impossible. To be honest, he wasn't positive that he'd heard it right. He was also unsure whether saiyajin sexual practices usually involved that much violence or that many sheep.

"Squabble" was one word for what had happened today.

"Adultery" was another.

Oh, shit.

He hadn't even thought about it like that until now!

Gohan was waiting for him to say something, but Goku didn't know how to start. He wasn't used to keeping secrets, and he wasn't particularly good at it, either. They tended to rebound on him, unpleasantly, even when he thought he was keeping them for all the right reasons. Look at how pissed off Vegeta had gotten when he'd kept the third level of super saiyajin secret. Goku hadn't had a clue it would set the prince off so badly.

He was afraid that if he kept this secret from his son, it would turn bad on him. That led him to another thought, which made him feel sick: Chichi. He was going to have to tell her too, wasn't he? What would that do to Gohan? And what about Goten?

Oh, kami, he'd really screwed up this time. The realization broke over him like a wave.

"Dad?" Gohan's alarmed voice broke through Goku's guilty reverie. "What's wrong? You look like you're gonna be sick."

He raised miserable eyes to meet his son's gaze. "I - I need to apologize, Gohan. I've done something terrible."

Gohan didn't believe him. He could see it. He held his hand up to stop the protest he saw forming on his son's lips. "No, listen to me. I did... I shouldn't have... I..."

He trailed off, not really knowing how best to say it. He guessed there really was no good way.

"I cheated on your mom."

Gohan just kept looking at him, without reacting at all. Goku shifted uncomfortably in the bath, waiting for some sign, but Gohan didn't even blink for several moments. Nor did he appear to be breathing, actually.

"Uh... Gohan?"

Real fear cramped around Goku's heart. He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid! People had always said he was dumb, but this was the first time he'd ever believed it. What was he going to do if Gohan hated him now?

Gohan's sigh was so sudden that it nearly scared his anxious father out of the tub. The young man sat down suddenly on one of the benches, looking like he'd lost the use of his legs. The wood cracked as his full demi-saiyajin weight came down on it, but he didn't appear to notice. He just ran a hand through his hair and then stared at the ground.

"I'm so sorry," Goku said softly.

Dark eyes lifted and met his own. "Are you?"

"I... Yes, I'm sorry I upset you."

An ironic smile. "Dad, you surprised me, but I'm not really upset. I guess I could have seen this coming, if I'd bothered to take a closer look."

"What?" Goku squawked. He hadn't seen it coming!

"It's not like you ever had a normal marriage, is it?" Gohan asked quietly.

"Well, I, uh… You see… I don't really know much about marriages," Goku said, embarrassed. He scratched at his tail scar and tried to think of some way to not sound like a moron. "Your mom is the one who knows what we're supposed to do."

It was a lame thing to say, but it was true. Chichi knew all sorts of useful things about how the world worked, and he trusted her most of the time. It was only since he'd come back that things had started to go wrong, and he was sure that was his fault. Even without the Vejitto thing, he must have been doing something wrong to have her so angry with him all the time.

Gohan seemed to understand all of that without him having to say it. He watched his dad for a moment and then nodded. "I don't think marriage is supposed to be like this, Dad. You treat her like she's one of your friends instead of your wife. I mean, maybe that's okay, but I don't think she wants that."

The cumulative weirdness of this day hit Goku just then: he was discussing his marriage with his teenage son, after cheating on his wife with… well, with himself and Vegeta at the same time, except not. He scrubbed his face with his hands and grimaced.

"I'm not really sure what she wants," he said tiredly.

"Did you hear her when you were dead?"

"What?" he asked, blinking at Gohan.

"She talked to you when you were dead," Gohan said. "Did you know that? I guess it makes sense, 'cause you talked to people the first time you were dead. She would put us to bed and then talk to you while she did the dishes."

Goku just stared at him. Sure, he'd talked to Master Roshi when he was dead, but that was only because he'd been communicating through Kaiosama. He'd actually had to stand there with his hand on the god's shoulder to hear anything or talk to anyone. Frankly, it had never occurred to him that anyone would want to talk to him. There weren't any crises in his absence, and no one had needed him. Had they?

"I guess you didn't, huh?" Gohan said after a moment, taking pity on him. "I guess that's okay. Mostly she just yelled at you a lot. But she thought about you all the time. Maybe that's what she wants: you to think about her like that."

Goku got up and stepped out of the tub. He took a towel and dried himself the old-fashioned way, without ki, seeming to concentrate on the act. He pulled his pants back on and sat down near his son, the towel draped across his shoulders.

"I wasn't thinking about her at all today," he said. The thought of Chichi talking to him while he was dead hurt him somehow, but not the way it probably should have. He didn't feel guilty for being gone; he'd had to do that. It was something like pity for her, mixed with the bewildered irritation he felt so often these days.

"I guess not," Gohan replied solemnly. He sighed again, heavily. "Look, I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about, really. I don't even have a girlfriend. But I know one thing, Dad: Mom's gonna go batshit insane when she finds out."

Goku blanched. "I know. I didn't mean to hurt her. I hope you believe me. The whole thing just... happened."

"I believe you, Dad."

The immediate trust in Gohan's tone warmed Goku's heart, but it also made him sad. He wasn't sure he'd earned it; he'd missed so much of Gohan's life. It was a harsh judgment on himself, and he found himself shying away from it.

The two of them sat in silence for awhile, thinking about things, or in Goku's case, trying not to think about them.

Gohan almost wished that he was shocked or something. If he had a normal family, this would be a huge shock. With his real family, though, it just seemed kind of... inevitable.

His dad was never going to be the husband that his mom wanted. He didn't know if his mom was ever going to be happy.

Which left his dad with what? Given his own urges, Gohan couldn't imagine being a male saiyajin and not having a partner, even if it was yourself. Even if you left out the sex, Goku deserved somebody to just... be with, didn't he?

All this shit made his head hurt. He tried to think of something else. Something that didn't involve his mom gutting his father with a butter knife.

A thought struck him suddenly, and he shot a sly look at the older saiyajin. "So, Dad, how was he?"

Goku, hip-deep in thoughts of what a horrible person he was, blinked at his son in confusion. "What? Who?"

"Vegeta."

"Vegeta?"

"Yeah."

Goku stared at him. "What about Vegeta?"

It was Gohan's turn to blink and stare. He clearly remembered Vejitto telling him that Vegeta had a crush on his dad. Sure, he'd been hit in the head repeatedly after that, but he was pretty sure it hadn't been a hallucination.

"Uh, Dad, you had, uh, sex with Vegeta, right?" he asked, hoping that he never had a weirder or more embarrassing conversation than this.

"Vegeta? No!" Goku said with a short laugh. "I'd be a crater right now if I even looked at him like that!"

A moment of thunderous silence.

"You did it with Vejitto?"

"Um, yeah? What, is that too weird?"

"Dad..." Gohan began, waving his hands in the air helplessly. The weirdness factor had just tripled, at least, and some little safety valve in his head blew out under the pressure.

"What? Are you okay?"

Gohan couldn't answer. Tears started to leak out as he tried to keep the noise down. His face began to turn red from the effort. He pantomimed silence by holding his hand over his mouth and waving in the direction of the house. If his mom caught him out here with his dad, instead of upstairs studying, she'd kill both of them.

Alarmed, Goku grabbed hold of him, staring into his eyes to make sure Gohan wasn't having seizure or something. He pressed two fingers to his forehead, and instantly transported them both to Kamesennin's island.

It was the best place he could think of for his son to collapse in hysterical laughter over his father's most notable sexual encounter to date.

*****

Elsewhere, there were also harsh truths to be faced.

Vegeta did not have the power or the skills to beat Vejitto, no matter how pissed off he was.

He felt his ki redden with rage, staining his sight with the color of blood. Kakkarot, that brainless slut, wasn't even here anymore!! He'd left, as if none of this had anything to do with him. Vegeta blamed Vejitto for most of what had obviously happened, but only for most of it; it took two to tango, as the onna would say. Vegeta wasn't 100% sure what that meant, but he was positive that it took at least two for the kind of hot, sweaty, landscape-destroying sex he'd witnessed.

Kakkarot was gone, but his partner in crime was present and accounted for. Vejitto fairly glowed with sexual satisfaction. He was in an excellent mood. He was also completely and rather gloriously naked.

All of which combined to make Vegeta even angrier, if that was possible.

Despite the very quietly stated opinions of certain weaker fighters, Vegeta was never actually stupid in battle. He never lost his ability to reason. His problem was less a matter of pride than of perception. Once rage overcame him, he lost all sight of the bigger picture, and made decisions based solely on his opponent and what he wanted out of him.

It was a very saiyajin way of thinking, and one that had actually served him well early on in life. When he was in Furiza's army, that single-minded rage had gotten him through fights he should never have lived through. Only later, as he became far more powerful than even Furiza could dream of, had it become a liability.

It hadn't been any help at all with Cell, for instance. Or the androids. It had gotten him both into and out of the whole Majin mess. It obviously was no use against Buu.

It was a damned hard habit to break, though, especially now. Vejitto, the arrogant bastard, leered, waved his tail suggestively, and then followed that up with the final insult.

He musked.

There wasn't any way of denying it; that scent went straight down Vegeta's spine and bounced back up into his cock. To saiyajin senses, it was a dose of pure porn.

If Vegeta hadn't been pissed off before, he certain was now. How dare he?

How dare he?

Vegeta's eyes narrowed to furious black slits before he suddenly blurred out of sight.

What followed was violence of a purity and potency rarely known on that planet. It went unseen by the inhabitants, who were for the most part incapable of seeing anything that moved that fast. Considering the joint history of the combatants involved in this fight, it was probably best for the locals that they didn't know what was happening. Ignorance is bliss.

Brevity can also be bliss, in its way.

The fight didn't actually last very long. A few moments after they disappeared, the two saiyajins blurred back into sight. Both were breathing heavily, yet Vejitto appeared unharmed and unruffled. Vegeta was bleeding from the mouth and nose, and he cradled one arm with the other. The injuries weren't severe but hurt more than he liked to admit.

It was not, sadly, the first time that a preliminary fight had ended that way for Vegeta. He took a few deep breaths, preparing to go back into the fight, and raised a fist…

…only to find himself immobilized. Vejitto must have inherited Kakkarot's bastard instant transmission technique, because Vegeta suddenly felt a broad chest press against his back while strong arms and a tail like velvet-covered steel cable wrapped around him.

A violent struggle followed, ending with both of them in the same position. With Vegeta pinned against him, all Vejitto had to do was keep his ki level higher; Vegeta simply could not get free.

Given in to impulse, Vejitto leaned forward and slowly licked down the back of Vegeta's neck, sending ripples of fire down the prince's backbone.

Despite his literally incandescent anger, Vegeta had to fight to keep responding to the delightful, distracting sensations. Vejitto's scent was strong and his naked body fit perfectly against Vegeta's. With their bodies so close together in this state, their ki flared and sparked, creating a sort of feedback: a subtle vibration that Vegeta felt in his bones.

"It won't work, my prince," Vejitto said, chuckling lightly before flicking his tongue out to taste the lobe of Vegeta's ear. "I need you here. We have things to discuss."

"W - what? What are you talking about?" Vegeta snarled.

"Does Kakkarot in a loin cloth and gold slave collar ring a bell?"

Vegeta froze.

"There was another one, too... Well, there were a lot of fantasies, weren't there? I seem to remember a few where he begs to suck your cock."

Vejitto's voice was smooth and dark, like nothing Vegeta had ever heard before. Whatever sensual effect it might have had on him was lost, though, in a wave of complete and utter mortification.

Vejitto knew.

Oh, shit!

"Of course I know. In fact, I've enjoyed that whole slave scenario myself a few times. You have a real gift for porn, Vegeta."

"Shut up, you freak!"

"Freak? Isn't that a little harsh?" Vejitto tried hard to mask how much he was enjoying this, but he wasn't sure how much control he had.

"You're no better than those freaking cyborgs Furiza made out of corpses! Those aren't your memories!"

Okay, that stung a little. Vejitto tightened his hold a bit more than he actually needed to before replying.

"Oh, but they are, aren't they?" he asked smoothly. "Yours and mine. I know you better than anyone else ever will. Do you really think I judge you badly for wanting him? Me, of all people?"

Vegeta snarled again, showing razor-sharp teeth, even as his heart sank. He had felt their ki twining and surging together. He had seen them together. He could still smell their sex. Even if he had wanted Kakkarot, what damned difference did it make now?

"Let me go," he said, his voice cold but steady now. "I don't want him. I don't want you touching him, either."

"Not a chance," Vejitto said, twining his tail higher around Vegeta's thigh. The somewhat slighter prince was suddenly reminded that Vejitto was still unclothed after being with Kakkarot, and he felt a tightening in his stomach that he recognized.

The fusion continued, speaking quietly and directly into his ear. "He gave me the honor of touching him, and I won't give it up. I didn't expect to get so close to him so quickly, but I will stay there as long as he lets me."

"As if he knew what you were doing," Vegeta snorted. "You know he's never known anything like seduction. That woman wouldn't waste her time on him, and no one else has come close."

"That's not..." Vejitto started, before catching himself. There were certain aspects of Goku's past that Vegeta didn't know about, and Vejitto wasn't going to be the one to tell him. "Goku knew, because I told him. I want him. I've had a taste and I'll have the rest of him, Vegeta. Make no mistake about that."

"Then why are you bothering to tell me? Take what you want and leave me alone," Vegeta said, and the quiet bitterness in his tone stung Vejitto's heart.

"Because I don't mind sharing," he said, his tongue flicking out to touch the prince's earlobe again. "I'll even help you."

That was quite enough, Vegeta decided, and he suddenly flared his strength, tearing free of Vejitto's arms. The saiyajin let him go rather than renew their battle, and Vegeta spun around in mid-air, his flaming aura sending sparks showering over the landscape. Wind spun around them furiously, lifting the bangs from Vejitto's face and, ripping the limbs from trees below. Frightened wildlife fled as small fires grew. It was the saiyajin way of things, and satisfied them both somehow: a saiyajin did not suffer silently, or alone.

"Do you dare mock me?" Vegeta howled, sliding back into their native tongue. Saiyago had words for concepts ningens lacked. More than that, it was the language he had gone into battle with for most of his life, before Kakkarot had turned out to be as ignorant of that as he was of everything else worthwhile. "Whatever tainted blood you carry, I am prince!"

It was a formal, ritual challenge. The words didn't really matter as much as the body language. A prince in saiyajin terms was more than an heir: Vegeta was claiming alpha status, and the respect due to him. Wounded and confronted with greater power than his own, Vegeta was going to make Vejitto declare himself one way or the other. If he refused to acknowledge Vegeta's status, they would be enemies from now on. If he conceded, however... There might be possibilities for something more.

"I meant no insult," Vejitto said, his tone placating. He unwrapped his tail from his waist, making it vulnerable in a gesture of respect that dated back to oozaru times. Then, though it hurt his pride to do it, he lowered his ki until it was weaker than Vegeta's. The things he wanted from Vegeta could not be had if they were behind barricades of pride, and he was willing to make these gestures if they were necessary.

That had to be the Goku in him, he thought. The Vegeta in him wanted to pull the brat prince's tongue out by the roots. As might be expected, Vejitto himself was more moderate: he merely wanted to sling the jerk over his lap and spank him until his butt bled. Of course, that wouldn't endear him to the prince at all, and it would pretty much ruin any chance of getting Vegeta in his lap under more favorable circumstances.

So he conceded. Just the moment, though. There was no way he'd give up the battle now.

Vegeta's expression didn't change, but there was a subtle shift in his ki. His aura lost the sharpest edges of anger.

"I meant it, you know," Vejitto said.

"Meant what?" Vegeta was unable to keep the layer of satisfaction out of his voice. His nerves were raw and his chest hurt in some odd, indefinable way, but he'd challenged and won his moment. That had to be worth something, didn't it?

"I will not back off. But I would share. We are a pack species, are we not?" Vejitto said carefully. The fact that Saiyago had no contractions suddenly irritated the shit out of him, but he kept that to himself for the moment. Uselessly antagonizing Vegeta for fun and amusement was a sport he'd save for a later day.

"We are." Vegeta replied, crossing his arms and looking deeply suspicious.

"Then I have a plan..."

The world slowly became a more tranquil place.

Gradually the winds stilled and the environmental destruction wound down, though fires still gnawed at the forest here and there. The remaining wildlife cautiously re-emerged from various hiding places.

A large carnivore, very unused to such behavior, peeked out from beneath the shadow of a rock outcropping and hesitantly bared its teeth at the figures in the sky high above. Except for the occasional burst of irritable shouting, it appeared that the drama was over.

The carnivore was a dinosaur, and thus had a reputation for limited intellectual capacity. Instinct told it to roar at the two sky things in a threatening manner, hoping to drive them away before they frightened off all the prey animals. This particular dinosaur, however, felt rather strongly that drawing attention like that might be the worst idea of all time. It recognized greater predators when it saw them.

Its small yet valiant brain churned through the situation as best it could, eventually coming to rest at a decision.

From above, Vejitto caught movement out of the corner of his eye and looked down. He laughed. It wasn't every day that you saw some 60 tons of dinosaur trying to tiptoe away unnoticed.

*****

Roshi liked to think he was a reasonable man. He was somewhere past middle age (and likely to stay there for the foreseeable future), and had lived a good life so far. There had been excitement, drama, and triumph, all of it in the right proportions to keep things interesting.

At the moment, after the horror of the Majin Buu situation, he was currently enjoying his 24th or 25th retirement. He'd become fond of retirement and went into it as often as possible. His pleasant days were usually composed of equal amounts of sleep, sunlight, food, and porn. It was a good and respectable way for a master of his age and experience to spend his time.

Unfortunately, his life had also been full of episodes of inscrutable weirdness, and this seemed to be another one of them. Damn it.

He stared at his guests again.

Son Gohan was now well on the far side of "tipsy" and headed towards "really happy". After determining that the current crisis probably didn't involve planetary destruction, Roshi had been at a loss for what to do. He'd thought Gohan was having some sort of seizure, but apparently it was just hysteria, which was unnerving as hell in a saiyajin. As a sort of last resort, Roshi had brought out the sake his sister had given him for his birthday. It was potent in much the same way that the surface of the sun was hot, and Roshi hadn't touched more than a few drops of it.

Gohan had drunk it like water.

All of it, except for the splash in Roshi's own cup.

The teenager was humming very quietly to himself, the subsonics making the windows rattle a bit. He was smiling at nothing in particular. Smiling really brightly. It was creepy.

Still, Roshi supposed anything was an improvement over the old Gohan. Roshi had been happy enough to set the young man on the path of pornography earlier this year. He'd been pleased with the results, actually. That family could use a fair dose of perversion, in his opinion. He was hopelessly fond of the lot of them, but sometimes that aura of Son family wholesomeness they all projected made his teeth ache.

Goku, unlike his offspring, was not smiling. He was brooding about something, and that was a whole different level of creepy. Goku didn't generally brood much. Even when he was being hyper-serious about something, like the end of all sentient life in the universe, he usually couldn't keep it going for long before his stomach went off or he made a joke or said something inexplicable. There were times when the big saiyajin was a poster-child for attention deficit disorder.

Today, however, he just kept looking at his clasped hands, glancing up now and again to nod vaguely at whatever was being said. He didn't shift around in his chair or go bouncing into the kitchen even once. It was all freaking odd and deeply disturbing.

What really got Roshi, though, was the hickey.

He was more than familiar with the toughness of saiyajin hides, thank you very much, having fought with Goku a number of times. He wasn't sure what amount of vacuum and how many pounds per square inch of pressure had been necessary to give Son Goku a hickey, but the very thought scared him. He glanced at it again, making sure it was what he'd thought.

Yup. He shouldn't have doubted himself. He knew a hickey when he saw one.

When he'd asked what was really wrong, both Sons had said, in almost perfect chorus, "Oh, nothing."

Gohan had started giggling, and Goku had returned to staring at his hands.

Well, then. Time to get to the bottom of this. He'd been having a nap when they'd showed up, and his absolutely fabulous dream about spreading frosting on the PlayNingen of the Month had been tragically interrupted before he'd gotten to the sprinkles.

"Now, boys, let me tell you something," he said, leaning back in his chair.

Gohan started to say something, but Roshi held up a hand. "Nope, it's my turn now. For one thing, you're freaking me out, and for another, you Sons are probably the worst liars in the known universe, so quit trying to bullshit me. You know you're welcome, but tell me three things. One, why are you here? Two, how the hell did Goku get a hickey? And three, is your will current? Because Chichi's gonna neuter you when she sees those marks, Goku."

Both Sons went really spectacular shades of red.

"Well, Master, I'm having a really strange day," Goku said eventually. One hand went up to scratch at his scar; it was his signature sign of nervousness. Without any more prodding, however, he spilled the whole story.

A tale was unfolded that involved a little romance, a little unresolved longing, a lot of happiness, a bout of steamy guy sex, and more guilt than he'd ever thought Goku capable of feeling. Roshi was patient. Roshi was incredulous. Roshi wished that he'd been there, or that at least some merciful god had caught all the action on video.

Gohan reacted to most of the story by either nodding solemnly or giggling. Strange boy, that one. Dropped on his head too often as a baby, no doubt. Assuming Chichi had ever let Goku carry him, that was.

"Sooo..." Roshi said, standing up so he could pace back and forth a bit. "Basically you're telling me you had the best sex of your life with someone who started out as a fusion of yourself and Vegeta, and while Vegeta is highly pissed off about this, you are not. In fact, you had a really good time, and if it wasn't for that whole pesky bit about Chichi, you'd probably be out there right now, chasing Vejitto down for another round. Am I right?"

Goku went a shade of red so brilliant that Roshi was glad for his dark glasses. "Umm, yeah..." the saiyajin mumbled.

Gohan clapped a sympathetic hand on his father's shoulder, which raised a whole different question.

"And you, monkey boy," Roshi said, turning to the younger Son, "are pretty much okay with all this, despite the fact that your father cheated on your mother?"

"Yup," Gohan said happily. "I kinda wish I was more upset, but... I don't think Mom really needs Dad. She just wants a proper husband, and let's face it, Dad is never, ever gonna be that. So, hey, it's probably for the best that they split up."

"Split up?!" Goku spluttered. "I never said anything about leaving your mom!"

"Well, shit, Dad," Gohan said with the sudden seriousness that only the intoxicated can muster. "Mom finds out about everything, eventually. And, sorry, but you just suck at secrets. She's gonna divorce you the minute she hears about it."

Truly distressed now, Goku said "But what about Goten? I... I've only just met him, and I can't let him go now! You know Chichi wouldn't want me to see him anymore!"

Roshi came and put his hand on Goku's shoulder too. "Let's face facts, Goku. There's nothing on this planet that can keep you away from Goten if you want to see him. And maybe it's time you remembered that. Yeah, you got carried away and cheated on your wife, but here's another fact: you were dead for six years before that. I don't think you're even legally married anymore. This might be a good opportunity for both of you to let go."

When exactly, Roshi thought, watching all that sink in, did I turn into a marriage counselor? Oh, well. It wasn't like he was lying about any of it. If Chichi divorced him, good for Goku. He did feel bad for Chichi - he'd really been fond of her at one time - but he didn't think she'd miss Goku much. Chichi had married a virtual god and had extraordinary children, but those were the last things she wanted. She wanted a normal, respectable life. She'd be pissed off to no end that Goku had finally failed so completely as a husband.

Goku mumbled something.

"Eh, what was that?" Roshi asked.

"I said, what am I gonna say to Vejitto now, after all this?" Goku repeatedly morosely.

"I know!" Gohan said loudly and cheerfully. "How about 'Take me, oh tailed God of Might!'?"

Goku and Roshi stared at Gohan for several moments as the young man laughed at his own joke, oblivious to them.

"Do you think I dropped him on his head too many times as a baby?" Goku asked his former master.

Said revered master had rediscovered his own neglected cup of sake when Goku asked. Without any particular grace at all, Roshi laughed, choked, and sprayed sake out his nose.

Two Sons chorused: "Master! Are you okay?"

Roshi massaged his outraged sinuses and grumbled. "Why I put up with you, I do NOT know. If it isn't one thing it's another! And do you have any goddamned idea how painful that was??"

Alas, they did not.

Which fact did not keep them from trying to make him feel better until his patience snapped and he drove them out of his house. Some malign habit made him tell them both that they and Goten were completely welcome at any time. Then he slammed the door on them and went to find his couch. Hopefully he could find Miss Playningen again and re-open negotiations about the sprinkles.

*****

Dark eyes peered out into darkness. It might be a warm afternoon at Master Roshi's house, but in the East District, night had long since fallen. It was close to midnight now, and Son Chichi was looking out her kitchen window, wondering where her husband was.

Goten was in bed. She believed Gohan was still studying up in his room. The light was still on, and she wouldn't have disturbed him for the world. His nasty saiyajin blood ensured that he got distracted at the drop of a hat, and so she had to be extra careful for him. Kami knew that Goku was no help.

Where was that man? What kind of husband stayed out this late on a school night anyway? It was downright embarrassing. What if one of the neighbors found out? He was probably off sparring, but it would look like he'd been out drinking or something, like bad husbands did.

She hated the idea that all her efforts to make them a good family, one that was respected in the neighborhood, could be spoiled by an evening of Goku's usual thoughtlessness.

Rage stabbed through her, making her head hurt and her fingernails bite into the wooden countertop she was leaning on.

Goku... If he only could have stayed dead, she could have managed everything!!

But, no, a cooler voice in her head stated. What kind of wife thought such things about her husband?

Goku was many things, but he was also generous, loving, and loyal.

Those were all things that good husbands were, and so maybe she could work with that.

It was important to have hope.

That's what a respectable wife did.

No matter how late the bastard stayed out at night.

~tbc~