Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Uber Babe ❯ Chapter 1

A/N: This strange little ficlet came to mind after listening to Aerosmith. You can probably guess which song it was. ;) Pats on the head to anyone who can identify it.

 

I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing it.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. I don't want to own DBZ. I just want to fiddle around with the characters now and then.

 

 

"This is the place." Bulma pulled up alongside the building and parked the car.

 

"Sweet, I've heard a lot about Ms. Allure, and I've been dying to see her," Yamcha exclaimed eagerly from the back seat. "I hear she's a total über babe."

 

"Hmph."

 

"Hey, you." Bulma poked her sulking fiancé in the ribs. "I'm not having an official bridal shower and you refused to have a bachelor party, so this was the compromise, remember?"

 

"Hmph, whatever," came the barely audible response.

 

"Oh, quit pouting. What more could you ask for?" Bulma asked, undoing her seat belt and grabbing her purse. "It's an absolutely gorgeous evening, we're right on the water, and we're amongst friends. See? Goku and Chi-Chi's car is already here."

 

"All the more reason to leave." Just as he was beginning to wonder how she dragged him into this or why he agreed to it, he was greeted by the sight of her tight, round backside as she got out of the car and leaned over as if to tie her shoe, despite the fact that she was wearing heels.

 

Damn the woman, she was doing it on purpose.

 

Bulma turned around and leaned back into the vehicle to talk to him, exposing a significant amount of cleavage. "C'mon, Honey. It'll be fun, honest." She crawled across the driver's seat to lean over and kiss him, knowing very well where his eyes were currently glued. Occasionally claiming she was 'tired' had its benefits, as the horny Saiyan became putty in her hands when denied access to her bed for anything other than shut-eye.

 

The kiss shook him out of his trance and he growled softly. Yeah, yeah. He knew very well why he agreed to this nonsense. "Fun. Great."

 

"Hey, save that for later," Yamcha complained, arms crossed as he stood waiting for Bulma to quit mauling the mouth of the man she'd chosen over him. It was still a sore spot to him, but he knew in his heart that he and Bulma just weren't right together, and was forced to admit that the prince was actually a good match for his ex-girlfriend.

 

A giggle came from inside the vehicle. "Sorry, Yami," Bulma said unrepentantly. "Come on, Vegeta. Please?"

 

The way her blue eyes shone at him made his heart ache. She was beautiful, alluring, sexy as hell and, most importantly of all, his. He would attest to that in front of all of the morons that weekend; this couldn't be any worse. "All right, all right. But if I'm bored, we're leaving."

 

"Thank you." Bulma kissed him again before crawling off of his lap and out of the vehicle. "I love you."

 

Vegeta mumbled something incomprehensible in response and got out of the vehicle, hands in his pockets as they walked into the bar.

 

"Hey Vegeta! Over here!" Goku beamed and waved both arms wildly like an excited child at a Hannah Montana concert.

 

Vegeta suppressed a growl and put on a very obviously fake smile, muttering something about imbecilic third class losers and their harpy mates as they approached the group. The things he did to get laid.

 

By the gods, had he gone soft!

 

"Please, at least try to be civil," Bulma whispered out of the side of her mouth. "Hey, guys!"

 

"Bulma, I thought you were bringing Yamcha with you," Krillin noted as Bulma and Vegeta took their seats.

 

"We did." Bulma craned her neck to scan the occupants of the bar. "He was in such a hurry to come in. Where'd he go off to?"

 

Vegeta snorted and rolled his eyes. "He is drooling over a poster on the door of that female singer. Moron."

 

"Oh. Figures." Bulma grabbed a beer from the table and shrugged.

 

***

 

"Krillin, you were right. She is a babe! Where did you hear about her?" Yamcha whispered as Ms. Allure came out to do her performance.

 

"I have my sources," Krillin whispered back smugly.

 

The scarred warrior was absolutely spellbound by the beautiful singer. Well, she wasn't the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and her voice wasn't the greatest either, but she had the body of a goddess and knew how to use it.

 

"Oh, Kami... She winked at me," Yamcha whimpered as the woman went backstage.

 

"She probably has something in her eye," Oolong suggested, holding in a snicker. This was going great!

 

"No way, she's totally hot for you, Yamcha." Tien drained his drink to cover up his own snicker.

 

It didn't matter to the infatuated fighter which explanation was correct. Ms. Allure had made eye contact with him. He had to meet her. "I, uhm, have to go to the bathroom. Too much beer." Yamcha got up from his seat and headed to the back of the bar.

 

"Liar," Vegeta muttered. "I drank every single beer that idiot ordered."

 

"Vegeta..." Bulma sighed. "Why must you call him an idiot?"

 

"Other than the obvious?"

 

"Vegeta..."

 

Vegeta's eyebrow rose and a slow smirk spread across his lips. "You really haven't noticed?"

 

***

 

Ms. Allure sat in front of the mirror, adjusting her clothes and touching up her makeup. Just one more performance and she'd be done for the night.

 

Oh, but that guy with the scar had it bad. He'd practically drooled down the front of his shirt. She smirked. It was always so much fun to get them going. He'd looked familiar somehow, but she couldn't place where she'd seen him.

 

There was a knock on the door and her manager poked his head inside the room. "Hey, you got a visitor. Says his name is Yamcha and that he knows you."

 

Ms. Allure cocked her head. ~Yamcha, Yamcha... Oh! The baseball player! Bonus.~ "Sure, send him on in."

 

The manager disappeared and was replaced by a rather nervous Yamcha. "Hi... I'm sorry I lied about knowing you to get back here, but I... I just had to meet you," he intoned breathlessly.

 

Ms. Allure smiled sweetly, making him gulp. He obviously had no idea, and the innocent ones were always the most fun to get going. "Oh, that's okay, Honey," she cooed. "I love to talk to my fans." Her smile widened. "You play for the Titans, don't you... Yamcha?" His name was enunciated in a heavy tone.

 

Yamcha nodded dumbly. He couldn't believe he was talking to her! Her stage name was so appropriate. There was something else about her, something that made her different from any other woman he'd ever met, but he couldn't quite place it.

 

***

 

"Wow, that's some pee Yamcha had to take," Oolong commented. Krillin and Tien snickered.

 

Vegeta snorted. He'd had a few too many and was feeling decidedly cheerful, considering his disposition when he'd entered the bar. "That moron ain't exactly peeing."

 

Goku laughed so hard that the milk he was drinking came out his nose. "Ha ha ha, Vegeta said 'peeing'!" he chortled.

 

Chi-Chi shook her head. "Dearest, for once I'm in agreement with Vegeta," she informed her husband as she wiped his face clean with a bar towel, having had the foresight to bully a stack of them from the bartender once they'd arrived. "You saw the way Yamcha was looking at that woman."

 

The tittering trio tittered again, and Vegeta's smirk grew so large that had his teeth been showing, he would've put the Cheshire cat to shame.

 

Chi-Chi's eyes grew wide. They couldn't possibly mean what she thought they did! "No!"

 

"Yes!"

 

"You three set him up, didn't you?" Chi-Chi accused the three bald troublemakers.

 

"Weeell... yeah." Krillin's expression wasn't exactly innocent.

 

"What are you all..." Bulma trailed off as Vegeta leaned in to whisper in her ear. Her face grew red and she screamed with laughter. "I thought she had an Adam's apple," she giggled. "I can't believe I was the last one to get it."

 

"Who has an Adam's apple?" Goku stopped blowing bubbles in his milk with a straw and looked up at them questioningly.

 

"You do," Bulma smiled at him, trying unsuccessfully to hold in her laugh. Evidently she wasn't the last one to get it.

 

Vegeta shook his head and grabbed another beer. Could the moron not sense it? Then again, the scar-faced idiot had not, either. Even he had to laugh at the completely bewildered look on Goku's face.

 

Bulma cleared her throat in her attempt to stop giggling. "Shut up, he's coming back," she hissed.

 

Yamcha was not alone. "Hey everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Ms. Allure," he announced. "These are my friends, Oolong, Tien, Krillin, Chi-Chi, Goku, Bulma and Vegeta."

 

"Hello," Ms. Allure said in her best I'm alluring voice. "It's a pleasure to meet all of you."

 

Vegeta finished his current beer. "Oh, the pleasure is all ours little lady, I assure you." He let out a loud laugh, setting everyone else at the table off.

 

Yamcha looked at the group inquisitively. Everyone seemed to be in an extremely good mood, but then again, it could just be the alcohol rearing its head. Even Vegeta's eyes seemed a little glazed; only Kami knew how many of what the man had to consume for that to happen. He sat down at the table beside Krillin, who was fairly shaking with silent laughter.

 

Goku frowned in confusion as Ms. Allure situated herself on Yamcha's knee. "Yamcha, why is that guy sitting on your lap?"

 

"What? What are you... talking... about...?" Yamcha's eyes grew wide as he suddenly realized what Goku meant.

 

"Hey, that dude ain't no lady!" Vegeta slurred, pointing a finger at the individual perched upon Yamcha's knee.

 

Yamcha yelped and jumped up from his seat. "Aaaahhhh! Oh Kami!" He stuck out his tongue and grabbed one of Chi-Chi's bar towels, wiping it against his tongue furiously. "That's sick! What the hell is the matter with you?" he screamed at the so-called Ms. Allure.

 

'Ms.' Allure shrugged. "Look honey, it's not my problem, and you didn't seem to have one earlier." With that, she blew a kiss his way, tossed her hair and sashayed away from the table, hips swaying provocatively.

 

"Oh Kami... I'm gonna toss my cookies," Yamcha groaned, falling into his chair and covering his face with his hands. "I can't believe I just made out with a guy." He shuddered. "Would you all just stop laughing and shut the hell up?"

 

"Well Yamcha, maybe you'll be a little more selective about whom you, ahem, make out with," Chi-Chi chastised in a very motherly fashion, but her seriousness was short lived when a loud THUNK rattled the table as Vegeta passed out onto it.

 

***

 

"Who would've thought that Vegeta of all people would be a funny drunk?" Chi-Chi whispered as Bulma attempted to steer her inebriated fiancé toward her car.

 

"No kidding," Tien agreed. He snickered when the prince wrapped his arms around Bulma and announced, "Okay, peoples. Here's how you're supposed to kiss a woman. Make sure you're watchin', stud."

 

"Hell yeah. We've got to give him Triple Bock more often," Krillin added.

 

"I still don't get how Yamcha didn't know that was a man dressed up like a lady," Goku commented, smiling when Bulma managed to peel Vegeta off of her long enough to open the back seat of the car and shove him inside. "Aww, aren't they cute? Bye guys!"

 

Bulma waved and got into the driver's seat. She could be irritated by Vegeta's behavior but wasn't in the slightest. A slow smile curved at her lips. Maybe she should get him drunk more often. Kami knows he was never this affectionate otherwise. The man was a mystery; how she would get him indoors was an even bigger mystery. Maybe Yamcha would help drag him inside.

 

"Y'know what, Bulma?"

 

"What's that?" Bulma peered up at her inebriated fiancé in the rear view mirror.

 

"You were right. I did have fun tonight." He reached up to poke Yamcha on the shoulder. "I think we all did, dinnit we?"

 

"Shut up, Vegeta."

 

A loud snore issued from the back seat.

 

Bulma started the car. "That went well."

 

Yamcha's face went bright red and he sputtered as he struggled to form his words. "What do you mean, went well?" he all but wailed. "I've never been so humiliated in my life!" He sat back against the seat, hard, and crossed his arms over his chest.

 

"I meant no one was maimed or killed, and everyone had a good time." She winked at Yamcha, who sat stewing in the passenger seat. "Some of us had a really good time."

 

"Hmph." Yamcha sat in silence as the car traveled down the expressway. "Well, I'm grateful for at least one thing about tonight," he muttered.

 

"What's that?" Bulma couldn't imagine what her poor friend could have been grateful about.

 

"We banned Master Roshi from coming."