Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Unforgivable ❯ How should I feel ( Chapter 18 )

It's funny. I want Goku back. I want him healed, recovered, smiling at me with that stupid grin all the time. I want to spar with him, get beaten into the dirt like always. I want to watch him devour enough food to feed a town in a matter of minutes, just to complain about his table manners.

And then again, I do not want to go without Kuroichi's services. As the service in question happened to be one of the massages that Kuroichi invariably gave the prince after one of his grueling training sessions, that sentiment didn't surprise him in the least. I still do not understand how everyone can not realize who he is. He improves daily, now that he knows he eats or I'll hook him up to an IV. Wonder why I didn't think of that sooner? Is it simply because he does not wear that orange outfit? Doesn't matter. If I have my way, he'll never wear that again. I much prefer the crimson.

He smiled, rolling over, enjoying the sensation of warm hands caressing his skin. He allowed his eyes to open slightly, observing Kuroichi through his lashes. Here, when they were alone, he looked more like Goku than ever. Perhaps it was merely the gentle curve of his lips, the faintest of smiles. Perhaps it was just that his hair was finally growing back out, his spikes beginning to take shape again, and the way the lock of hair on his forehead fell. He'll cut it again. Just as soon as he realizes, he'll cut it again. He can't stand that no one recognizes him, but at the same time, he is not ready for it to happen. His wounds are still so raw, even now. How many times have I held him while he slept, crying silent tears? He deals with nothing while he is awake, and it haunts him in the night.

He reached out, sliding his fingers down the other's arm, lifting the hand, kissing Kuroichi's fingers. I want Goku back, but I do not want to give up Kuroichi.

"You told me once that you would never marry then go out and have a child with another woman. That it would be against your pride or your honor or something like that."

"I remember. You seemed to have thought that Goku was capable of doing just that."

She flushed. "I was wrong."

"Why bring that up?" He finished toweling his hair, flicking the used towel toward the hamper before proceeding into their room.

"I'm your wife."

"I am aware of that." He reached into a drawer, pulled out some clothes. "And I haven't gone off and gotten any woman pregnant, so why bring it up?"

"Kuroichi."

It only took him a moment to understand. He crossed the room to her, pulling her into a close embrace. "Woman, if I thought it would hurt you less, I would have chosen another female. But," he tipped her chin slightly so that she had to look at him, "we both know that you are no longer capable. The last time, I broke too many of your bones. You are too fragile now. I cannot risk your death just to satisfy my hunger."

Bulma sighed. "I thought that must have something to do with it. I'm just too old, aren't I? You had to go find someone younger."

"Yes." He rested his chin on the top of her head. "You were weaker than I to start with, and your age has separated us further."

"It's so hard to believe so much time has passed. Bra is already twenty-five."

"And Trunks forty-two."

"Trunks still doesn't look a day over 20, and you know it. Bra looks older than he does!"

"She takes after her mother." Vegeta sighed. "Does it bother you so much, that I have Kuroichi?"

She was quiet for a time, nestling against him. "Sometimes. It hurts when I realize that I'm not good enough for you anymore, but at the same time, I know I can't do it. I would love to, I would, but I don't want to be bedridden for weeks again."

"What do you mean, not good enough for me?"

She shook her head, almost angrily. "Oh, that's just how I feel. Like you replaced me because I wasn't good enough for you. I know that's not it! I know you've stayed away the last five years because you didn't want to risk hurting me like that again. And… well, I can't say I'm glad you have Kuroichi to satisfy you, but I can't say that I'm relieved, either."

"So why did you say anything?"

"To get it off my chest!" she yelled, backing away and poking his chest. "It's not every woman whose husband brings back some male prostitute to live with him! Most men would just set up a mistress somewhere, but not you. No, you have to bring one home, and it isn't even a woman, it's a man!" Tears welled and dripped from her eyes. "I don't know whether I should feel ashamed, or embarrassed, or angry, resentful, or relieved, and I feel all of that! Why him? Why a man? Why here, in my home?"

"Oh." Vegeta grabbed at his abandoned clothes, then settled to the side of her bed to put them on as he answered her. "Why him, because he knew about Saiyans already. A man, for two reasons. First, he cannot get pregnant, and second, he is less fragile than a female. And why here, because this is where I live. The place is huge, with plenty of room. Besides, Kuroichi is my servant, not a convenient bed partner. It would be very inconvenient to have him come from across town just to make me a snack."

A tiny chuckle escaped, became a bout of mild hysteria. Feelings relieved at last, Bulma said, "That would be overkill, wouldn't it?" She made no more mention of Kuroichi, instead outlining what she had planned for the day.