Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Vegeta's Sucky Fanfic ❯ Chapter 2

A/N: Surprise! Another sucky chapter! Go Vegeta, go Vegeta...

 

Thanks to all of you who left reviews and encouraged me to write more. Special thanks go to both Infinite Pen and X's For Eyes for their hilarious ideas. Some of it was so awesome (pun intended) that I incorporated bits of what they wrote. I love it. You two rock. :)

 

That having been said, enjoy another installment of this OOC, truly sucky fanfic.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. I don't want to own DBZ. I just like to harass the characters now and then.

 

 

He licked his lips and leered as her creamy white ti-

 

Backspace, backspace. Bulma would get after him if he was vulgar. He blushed. As if writing this wasn't?

 

...mounds were exposed. They were like big, round... He paused. ...bags of sand. That... He paused again. This was proving to be much harder than he thought it would. Uhh... Ah, yes. That would do nicely.

 

...yielded to his touch, like a burlap sack of potatoes slouched on its side in the back of a pickup truck. Except there were nipples on them. And they were very perky.

 

Vegeta ran a hand through his hair and rested his elbow against the table. He growled. This was asinine. Creamy white mounds? Ugh! He shuddered. During further conversation Bulma had specifically noted that as a beneficial phrase to use when he wrote his sex scene. She also said he should warn his readers that he was writing... damn, what did she call it? It was a fruit, if he remembered correctly. An orange! That was it. He couldn't believe that he had to write this "orange" garbage to get reviews, but Bulma had assured him that his fic would totally suck if he didn't. How could that be? It would totally suck if he did.

 

He'd incorporated the male lead being reunited with his lost love (double ugh) after many long, agonizing years apart (vomit) because she'd been sucked through a mysterious vortex and ended up in an alternate universe. Somehow they were able to communicate with each other as they dreamed even though they'd hated each other at first, argued constantly, and did things to annoy each other. It was only after she was gone that he'd realized how much she'd truly meant to him and what a babe she really was, because she had nice mounds and shiny azure orbs that replicated the light of the stars at night. Due to some inexplicable circumstance that didn't really make sense but ended up working somehow, she was able to return to him, after which he broke down and cried, confessing his feelings for her. She'd told him she felt the same way, and somehow they ended up in the master bedroom of his palace. It was horrific, but if it got him reviews, what the hell? Besides, Bulma would be proud of his efforts. The only thing he had flatly refused to do was add song lyrics. A man had to draw the line somewhere.

 

This was stupid. He was tempted to just stop there with a precipice dangler and let the readers guess what would happen next. After all, it wasn't as if they hadn't all read hundreds of these oranges. He simply couldn't force himself to write any more of this utter crap. This was what females wrote! If they wanted soap opera Fabio fantasy refuse they could write it themselves! "Enough of this," he growled under his breath. "I'm a male, so I'm writing a guy fic!"

 

She moaned and positioned her perfect body. "Superion, mount me now!" she demanded. "I'll die if you don't do it immediately, because you have the body of a god and if I can't have you my life will be agonizing."

 

Vegeta shuddered, disgusted not only by the dialogue but by the fact that he could actually write such awful- I mean, awesome- tripe. At least he'd gotten to the good part, which was just as well since he figured if he wrote any more of this crap he'd end up growing lusciously voluptuous creamy white mounds himself.

 

Just as he was about to insert his massive shaft into her steaming hot love pit which overflowed with her juices, there was a crash as the window broke. "Rakakot! My mortal enemy!" Superion roared, leaping up from the woman, who was shrieking incessantly as all females deprived of mating do. "I will destroy you once and for all!"

 

Cackling as he did so, Vegeta proceeded to write an explicitly gruesome, bloody and accurate in every corporal sense battle scene where Superion, the Ultimate Warrior Prince of the Universe (TM) swiftly defeated Rakakot and his minions, hanging their ugly heads upon spikes for all to see. The female simpered and declared him to be perfect in every aspect. Then it was implied in less than a dozen words that something happened in the bedroom that did not include anyone dying.

 

Pleased with himself, Vegeta went to the top of the document and wrote a note warning readers of the insertion of the orange and demanding reviews. He saved his work and posted it to completefandrivel.crap before closing the laptop and going to train.

 

***

 

Vegeta returned a few hours later and logged in to see if he'd gotten any reviews for his new chapter. Imagine his surprise when he found that he'd already gotten five! He eagerly clicked on the link, ready to read raving reviews on the absolute awesomeness of his latest chapter.

 

rockemsockemdude

dude this rox lol writ more he shoduld totelly nale her nekxs time

 

"See? I knew my chapter was awesome," Vegeta gloated. Feeling empowered, he moved on to the next review.

 

MacGruberLuva

Buddy, to put it bluntly, this sucks. Give it up, dork.

 

Vegeta blinked. "What?!?" he roared. "I did everything Bulma told me to! My story is awesome. He's the dork."

 

anonymous

This is so bad, I can't even bother to waste my time logging in. Thanks for the headache.

 

Vegeta's face fell. "What did I do wrong?" he whined. Bulma had never given him bad advice before.

 

He was almost afraid to look at the next review when his eyes widened. Bulma had left him a review!

 

Blue Haired Sex Kitten

Wow. I don't know what to say. Uhm... did you hear anything I told you? And by the way, it's a lemon, not an orange. Yikes.

 

Vegeta realized his lower lip was wobbling and stopped it. She'd flamed him. His beautiful, loyal wife, of all people, had flamed him. He'd have a talk with her, that much was certain. He sighed. At least she'd attempted to be kind about it. It would have been humiliating if she'd crucified him online.

 

For the sake of his sanity and the continued existence of the planet Earth in general, he should never have read the last review.

 

ScaredZFighter

Holy **, what planet did you learn to write on? Your grammar totally sucks! And that sex scene was rushed. The female lead should have teased the male lead for at least another 15 to 20 chapters before she gives in and the sex should last for like 5 hours before they climax! (And as a reminder the female lead should not get pregnant right away, even though they don't use protection or birth control as he constantly spills himself in her over and over.) So what do YOU do just before you write the "orange"? (hahaha, what a jackass) You wimp out and write a battle scene, chicken liver! bwak bwak bwak! If anyone wants to read a real LEMON, check out my latest story, Superion's Victory Ride, where this idiot's character gets a dose of fanfiction reality. Oh, and BTW, Superion is from the Transformers, you numbnuts! Couldn't you come up with an original character name?

 

Vegeta was practically foaming at the mouth when he was done reading the review. If he knew who this loser was, he'd... he'd... Wait.

 

ScaredZFighter?

 

A slow smirk spread over Vegeta's face. He recognized the pen name, all right. Talk about idiotic. The moron had not only signed in, he'd signed his death warrant. Oh yeah, Yamcha would be scared as well as scarred when Vegeta was done with him.

 

Before he could go find the weakling warrior who didn't even know how to spell 'scarred', curiosity got the best of Vegeta and he couldn't help but download the story. So, Yamcha was going to steal his OC and write a story? It had better not be OOC, or he'd get an even bigger beating.

 

"What the?!@^!!!" came the outraged scream from the kitchen not even five minutes later. Vegeta had just discovered that Rakakot was not dead after all and that he and Superion, the Ultimate Warrior Prince of the Universe (TM), were now passionate lovers instead of mortal enemies. In fact, Rakakot was now expecting Superion's love children (triplets). It made sense seeing as they were from the same planet; why not continue on their dwindling race? A summertime barefoot on the beach wedding was planned, where Superion would be wearing a lovely pink shirt. Vegeta leapt up from his chair, the vein in his forehead pulsing rapidly. The weakling had gone too far. He had created a mockery of his Superion, absolutely desecrated him! Superion was a powerful warrior, not a flower girl! And to top it off, the story had gotten numerous reviews declaring it to be awesome. Blood would be spilled. Not even Bulma would be able to talk him out of it.

 

***

 

A few hours prior...

 

Piccolo leaned back in his seat, hands behind his head as he let out a satisfied sigh. This would be the last time the jerk would blow off their sparring plans to go out with some dumb blonde. Piccolo got up, made a few macho man moves with corresponding ninja noises and poured himself a scotch on the rocks while he waited for the fireworks to start.

 

Unfortunately for Yamcha, he didn't know that Piccolo was very well aware of his completefandrivel.crap password.