Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Vegeta's Tail ❯ Bulma Cooks! ( Chapter 7 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z.

Author's Note: Yes my rat Doyle really is gay. He's more interested in male rats and rabbits than girl rats. (His current boyfriend is a male rabbit that's not too happy about it.) I just couldn't resist mentioning him, he's so cute!

Anyway enough of gay rats on with the story!

Chapter 7

Bulma looked at the cooking instructions again. Her mother had been kind enough to give her the ingredients and her cook book. It was plastered with helpful notes like, 'onions need peeling' and 'don't use chilli pepper seeds'. Bulma growled to herself. She was a scientist, not a cook. She'd never had any interest in it.

Her father had told her to treat it like chemistry. To think of the ingredients as part of a formula. Each part had to be put together the right way or else it would blow up. Bulma wondered how a casserole could blow up by putting too much pepper in it; but she put it to the back of her mind. Bulma looked at her little helper Trunks.

He was sitting in his high chair playing with his toy car.

"You are going to help me?" She asked him.

Trunks looked at his Mother and smiled. "Yup."

"We're going to make a delicious three course meal for your Daddy."

"Jackass." Trunks clapped his hands.

"No, not Jackass, Daddy." Bulma said trying not to laugh. She still had Vegeta's very annoyed face at what Trunks had called him. "Okay first thing to do is put mushrooms in bowl and cover with boiling water."

Trunks nodded his head looking at the pile of black mushrooms. He had found in his short life when his mother started speaking to herself to try and pretend to understand. So nodding his head had become a survival tactic.

"It says here 8 but lets times that by 20 for Saiyan appetite."

"20." Trunks mimicked. Another good trick to pretend to be listening.

Bulma read the instructions some more. "Giblets!" She squealed. "I'm not touching chicken guts!"

"Giblets!" Trunks liked that word.

"Oh, silly me it's optional." Bulma laughed as she saw the part her mother had underlined. "Now I put all the stuff in the big pot. Hah, this is easy, I am a genius after all." She threw the chicken stock and all the soup ingredients into the gallon sized cooking pot. Her mother had prepared the ingredients for her.

"While chicken is cooking cut noodles with scissors. Ah shit the noodles are already in." Bulma frantically got out a ladle and tried taking the cellophane noodles out. "Just a little wet." Bulma tried to laugh it off.

Trunks stared at her with his Vegeta look. The look that reminded her of his father. The look that said 'you are stupid sometimes.'

Bulma cut up her rescued noodles and put them in the boiling water. "Mom says now is a good time to make a start on the main course." Bulma said while reading the notes. "Cook the rice. How do you cook rice, oh wait here it is. Boil in pot of water exactly double measure of rice." Bulma shrugged and just dumped the ton of rice in a cold pot of water. "Like it matters." She muttered.

"Uh-oh." Trunks said quietly. He didn't like the mean face his mom had. She looked like she was about to do something bad.

*************************

Vegeta stood in the gravity room. He wanted to train but he was still feeling the insult to his pride. It wasn't that his brat had filled his diaper on his arm. It was more the fact that Bulma had seen it. She had laughed at his weakness.

*We shall see who is the weakling tonight Woman.* He smirked. The bond was still to be completed, he had a lot more in mind for his mate. He set the gravity to 400g. He needed a light workout. One that wouldn't tire him. He still had to survive Bulma's attempt at cooking. *I feel like I'll need all my strength.* He thought to himself.

*******************************

Bulma looked at the bubbling broth. It wasn't looking like chicken noodle soup yet. She added more water hoping that it wouldn't burn. Bits had began congealing to the bottom of the pot. The rice had over boiled and was repeating the soup by sticking to the bottom. The noodles were sticking together but at least they weren't at the bottom of the pot. She drained the lump of noodles and put it aside.

Trunks had stopped paying attention to her. He was now really interested in his toy car. Bulma growled as she cut up the beef. She was imagining it was Vegeta's flesh.

"Better learn to cook woman." She mumbled imitating her spouse. "Not even considering going to Namek unless I get three decent meals. Jackass."

Trunks looked at Bulma. "No Jackass, pwince of sayas."

"That's prince of Saiyans dear." Bulma corrected. "No I'm wrong he's Prince of arrogant assholes."

"Arro...gant."Trunks tried saying. He liked all these words his mother used. "Ass...hoe."

"Asshole." Bulma repeated. She knew she wasn't going to win mother of the year teaching him these words. But it was the best entertainment she'd found. She looked at the black mass of mushrooms. The book said to drain them next. The Chinese mushrooms looked a bit gross.

*No I'm going to do it. It is just like chemistry. I just have to make sure I do everything according to the instructions.* She thought to herself.

"Asshole, asshole, asshole."Trunks said over and over.

"Want to learn a new song?" Bulma asked."I made it up one of the times I broke up with Yamcha."

Trunks clapped his hands, he liked songs.

"He's an asshole, an asshole, an asshole!" Bulma sang as she drained the mushrooms. "When is he an asshole? All the time! Why is he an asshole? I don't know but he's an asshole an asshole an asshole!"

The song continued in the same fashion. Trunks bopped his head along to the made up tune.

*******************

Vegeta punched the droid. It smashed into tiny pieces. He looked at the clock. It was getting near 6. His stomach clenched. He did had a bad feeling in his stomach. He had never experienced Bulma's cooking she'd always managed to have take-outs or her mother had prepared something. It didn't bode well but it was better than indulging Bulma's mother's flirting.

He stopped the gravity simulation. The hum of the machine died and Vegeta heard Bulma's voice. She was singing loudly. He couldn't make out her words, it was just noise. He knew she sounded like a screeching cat but she was his screeching cat.

Her singing was like a siren's call enticing him near. He opened the door. He could hear her words now. Vegeta frown got deeper.

"Because he's an asshole!" He heard her sing. "Asshole, asshole! ASSHOLE! Ah shit!"

Vegeta walked stiffly towards their quarters. He could smell her cooking. It didn't smell too bad but there was a slight charcoal hint. He opened the door with a thud. He was quite restrained he could have tore it off it's hinges.

"Woman." He snarled. Bulma looked at his angry face from the kitchen.

"Not now Vegeta, I'm kinda in an emergency." A cloud of smoke ballooned out behind her to add more drama to her words. The smoke alarm started bleeping. The high pitch noise hurt Trunks and Vegeta's sensitive hearing.

"Arrgghh woman what is that?" Vegeta shouted over the noise. He'd forgotten all about her insulting song.

"It's your curried rice." Bulma yelled back. Vegeta looked up to the source of the noise. He pointed his finger and fired a small Ki blast at the alarm. It exploded and the high pitched noise stopped.

Trunks watched all this fascinated. He pointed his own finger at the ceiling. "Pow, pow." He said imitating his father.

The smoke cleared as Bulma put the pot to the window. "I forgot about it." Bulma said sheepishly.

Vegeta sat down."I take it my wonderful three course meal is ready?" He looked at Trunks who was still playing ki blasts.

"Pow pow." He said to Vegeta.

Vegeta smirked and lit up his finger with a small amount of ki. "Pow." He said slyly.

Trunks watched the ball of light in awe.

"Vegeta not in the house." Bulma shouted to him. "You can show Trunks your fabulous powers later."

"If I survive." Vegeta grumbled.

"What was that?" Bulma hissed as she served the soup.

"Didn't say a word." Vegeta said as innocently as he could.

"Yeah and I'm the Queen of Sheba." Bulma muttered."Here's your chicken noodle soup I hope you choke." She placed the large bowl down in front of him. The noodles were clumped together in one big lump. The soup itself seemed a little bit too thin. He wondered what the black and green bits were but decided against asking. Sometimes it's better not to know.

"Choking seems a bit too easy." Vegeta murmured. He took his spoon and sipped carefully. His face scrunched up his taste buds trying to decide whether it was the mint or the garlic that was the most overpowering.

"Well..?" Bulma looked at him hoping his wincing face was that of unbelievable ecstasy.

"It's.... soup." Vegeta said eventually after forcing to swallow. "You put mint in it?"

"Yeah I did, I didn't realise it was suppose to be put on last but it's okay cooked?"

Vegeta didn't answer however he did have another question. "How much garlic?"

"20 cloves I had to times the ingredients by 20 for the larger serving." Bulma said proud of her calculations. "Is the mint and garlic too much?"

Vegeta's eyes watered as he took another sip. "It's fine." He lied. He decided to stop slowing down the torture and swallowed the bowl. The noodles were a bit crunchy but he managed to down it all.

"Wow, you must be hungry." Bulma said astonished. "I'll remember that recipe."

"Please don't." Vegeta sighed. His stomach was making strange objections.

"Right for your main course I made a beef curry." Bulma rescued the pot form the window. "It's slightly flambe but that gives it a good barbecue taste."

"Can't wait." Vegeta said weakly. He knew he had to fake his enjoyment if he was to get his tail back. Part of him wished that he hadn't made this agreement now. The large plate of rice and brown sludge on top. Vegeta couldn't pick out what was meat and what was vegetable. He prodded a suspect lump with his fork. Vegeta took a deep breath and tried a fork full. Surprisingly it wasn't too bad. The rice had congealed and was slightly burnt. He crunched his way through it. It wasn't excellent cooking but then he had eaten worse. He came to a black crunchy bit. He couldn't help but spit it out.

"What the hell is that!" Vegeta yelled.

"Pepper corns.... I think." Bulma suggested looking at the offending black bit.

Vegeta then noticed something. "Why aren't you having some?" He said.

"Me? I've already filled my belly with my delicious food." Bulma patted her stomach. "Mmmm my curry was good."

Vegeta narrowed his eyes. He didn't believe her. He carried on with finishing the meal and giving Bulma cross glances. Every now and then something would nearly choke him. Like a full clove of garlic or small chilli pepper. He took a large sip of water.

"There I did it." He said triumphantly.

"There's more in the pot." Bulma said getting up to reach for it.

Vegeta grabbed her arm. "No." He snarled. "I am quite full, thank you." He added with a bit more sweetness.

"Have you room for dessert?" Bulma asked hopefully.

"Of course." Vegeta smirked. He wondered how she could mess up dessert.

Bulma ran to her now working fridge. She had cheated with dessert but what are modern women suppose to do? Bake cakes? She reached for the extra large strawberry cheesecake. This was the kind of cake she liked. One that required no cooking and lots of smashing defenceless cookies. Her mother had made the filling and sweet red sauce for the topping. Not that Vegeta was going to know. She walked over with a graceful strut carrying her prize.

Vegeta looked at it suspiciously. "You didn't make that!" He snarled.

"I did put it together."Bulma said in a half truth. She set it down and began cutting herself a piece.

"I know you didn't make it now." Vegeta said crossing his arms.

"I just happen to be very good at desserts that have no cooking." Bulma said. "Especially when it includes strawberries."

Vegeta took what was left over from Bulma's cut. It was more than three quarters.

"Hey I was wanting to save that!" Bulma exclaimed. "At least let your son have a bit."

Vegeta grudgingly gave Trunks a small slice. He ate it up immediately. Bulma did the same and was surprised Vegeta was actually taking his time.

"I want to savour the only time you've done something right." He said.

Bulma stood up half insulted and half complemented. She didn't know whether to hug him or hit him with the congealed curry.

"I'm going to get myself some coffee." Bulma said. "Want any?"

"No, I don't need drugs to stimulate me." Vegeta smirked as he swallowed another bite of cheesecake.

"Stimulate?" Bulma saw the seductive look in his eyes and blushed.

"Tonight." Vegeta whispered. "I've got to get my revenge." He smirked again and returned to eating the cheesecake.

Trunks was oblivious to the adult communication and returned to the asshole song. "Eees a asshole asshole."

Bulma backed up into her counter. *After I nearly poison him he still wants me?* She thought as her tail flicked from side to side. Her arousal obvious to Vegeta but he said nothing he just watched her and plotted his revenge.

*******************************

Author's Note: So what did you think of Bulma's cooking? I based it real recipes and my own experience about following said recipes.

Chibi Vegeta: "I never eat your cooking it's weird like you."

Mz D: "I'm a bad cook and proud."

Chibi Vegeta: "Why do you need to do another lemon?"

Mz D: "How do you know I'm doing another lemon?"

Chibi Vegeta: "Cos you said the word 'arousal', that's lemon talk."

Mz D: "Everyone loves lemons. Anyway I've punished them enough with poop jokes and cooking."

Chibi Vegeta: "Time for some action." *Smirks and jiggles eyebrows.*

Mz D: "Huh? Who have you been speaking to? You were so innocent when I met you! Oh the corruption of the young!" *Puts hand on head in dramatic fashion.*

Chibi Vegeta: "Chibi Yamcha came over and told me all about these mushy lemons."

Mz D: "Chibi Yamcha huh? He wouldn't know one hole from the other hole."

Chibi Vegeta: "Huh? What holes? Lemons is all about arousing them yellow fruits an' kissing and sucking them."

Mz D: "No it's not!"

Chibi Vegeta: "I was lied to! That fucking asshole!"

Mz D: "Sing the asshole song it always makes me feel better when I've been used and abused."

Chibi Vegeta: "Nah, that's for pussy's like you that don't do fuck all about assholes."

Mz D: "I do not! Where are you going?" *Chibi Vegeta left for kitchen, Mz D follows*

Chibi Vegeta: "I'm gonna show that dick splash what a lemon is." *Picks up yellow fruit.*

Mz D: "You know I think you might swear too much."

Chibi Vegeta: "Fuck you. I'm the star of this bit!" *Smirks evilly*

Mz D: "So what are you going to do with that lemon?" (had to ask.)

Chibi Vegeta: "I'm gonna find Yamcha's hole and stick it!"

Mz D: "Just not in front of me I don't do Yaoi's"

Chibi Vegeta: "What the fuck is a Yaoi?"

Mz D: "I ain't saying. Go do whatever it is you want to do. I just hope the hole is in his mouth."

Chibi Vegeta: "What other holes are there?" *Tries to look innocent*

Mz D: "OUT!! I'm not explaining!" *Points to window.* You're one sick chibi!"

Chibi Vegeta: "See ya later loser!" *Flies away.*

Mz D: "Poor Chibi Yamcha, he should know not to venture on B/V fics it only gets him beat up! Oh well, join me next time as Vegeta gets his revenge which will be a lemon! Hurrah!"