Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Wish For The Past ❯ Windows of the Soul ( Chapter 57 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I just used every last drop of creative juice on this chapter and you think I can just crank out a disclaimer? Bah! I don't own DBZ, so let's just leave it at that.

Thanks to everyone who helped me on this chapter and the last one! I can't remember who all of you are right off the bat, but I just wanted you to know that I really appreciated the help. ^_^

Blood. So much blood! Crimson liquid seemed to ooze from every visible square inch of Goku's flesh, mingling with the dirt and grass that he had been lying face down in only moments before and speckled with bits of burnt and broken flesh. The sickeningly sweet stench of charred flesh rose to greet Vegeta's nostrils, making the boy gag despite all his self control. Goku's skin was crisped and blistered all along his face, neck, shoulders, arms, and chest - the area which had taken the brunt of Vegeta's attack. Cracks riddled the chibi's burned and reddened flesh from which small rivers of blood and a clearish yellow fluid seeped, making what was visible of the little Saiyan's body appear to be one massive, raw wound.

Reaching out with a hand that was suddenly trembling, Vegeta hesitantly touched Goku's bleeding face, as though he couldn't believe what his eyes were telling him. His fingers came away covered with the chibi's sticky blood, and he stared at his hand in shock for several long moments before returning his stunned gaze to the injured child on the ground.

I... I did this, it finally registered in his numb mind. His breathing felt rapid, painful, and his heart was beating faster than it should have been. He had witnessed misery, suffering, torture, even death a countless number of times, had seen almost every way there was to inflict pain on a living body, had even personally dealt injury and death to unnumbered millions, warrior and innocent alike, and yet nothing had ever affected him like this before. This... he hadn't meant to do this! I only wanted to win...

Giving himself a rough mental shake, he shoved aside his own reactions and concentrated on the other boy, making his face a blank mask that showed nothing of what he was feeling inside. Knowing that he had to do something, Vegeta leaned over Goku's body and placed his ear next to the little Saiyan's mouth, listening intently for any sign of breathing. The air between his ear and Goku's mouth stirred slightly, indicating that the seven year old was breathing, albeit shallowly. Vegeta straightened up, sighing with relief that, if he had been thinking about it, would have surprised him. Goku was alive.

But... now what do I do? the ten year old asked himself uncertainly. He had no idea what to do when someone was injured and you didn't want them to die! It hadn't ever mattered to him if someone was injured, and even if it did matter, there were always guards or subjects nearby to take care of the wounded, so he had no experience in this area. The only thing he knew was that if you were hurt badly, you were taken to a regeneration tank. But there were no regeneration tanks on Chiykuu-sei. There were no lackeys to delegate the matter to. There was only him and Goku, and he had no clue what to do.

"Bardock," he muttered to himself as he stared helplessly at the burned and blistered boy in front of him. The older warrior had to have more experience with things like this. He had been on a planet clearing team for many years, and when you were off wiping a planet of its intelligent life, you didn't always have the luxury of regeneration tanks. Tending the injuries of fallen comrades was a necessary skill to have for those missions, and Bardock had probably had to acquire and use such knowledge on many occasions. "Bardock would know what to do. I'll take Kakarot back to the house... and Bardock will help him."

In his slightly dazed state of mind, he didn't question why he wanted to help Goku, he only knew that he needed to keep the younger boy from dying. Taking a deep breath, he awkwardly slid one arm underneath his fallen opponent's neck and the other beneath his knees, then staggered to his feet. While not as big as he was, the chibi was still large enough that carrying him without dropping him would prove a difficult task. But it was the only way to transport the injured boy without doing even more damage to him, and Vegeta was determined not to let a little thing like Goku's unwieldy body daunt him in the slightest.

The rough shift in the position of his body elicited a pathetic whimper from Goku, drawing Vegeta's attention back to the burden he was carrying. The jolt of pain caused by being picked up had dragged Goku back to consciousness, and now his peeling eyelids had cracked open enough to reveal his eyes to the Prince of the Saiyans. A shudder of revulsion rippled through his body when he looked at the chibi's eyes, eyes that held no pupil but were, instead, a solid, milky white and no longer resembled his normally glassy orbs. They were slightly misshapen now, as though someone had poured hot, white wax in place of his eyes and allowed it to congeal there. A lump suddenly formed in Vegeta's throat as he stared in horror, transfixed by chibi's sightless pools of ivory. Goku had obviously had his eyes open when the Gallic Gun had hit him.

Tears leaked from seven year old's ruined eyes, making clear trails through the blood that covered his face, and he moaned again, a sound somewhere between a sob and a strangled cry. "Tousan?" he whimpered, blinking his eyes in a vain attempt to see. When this did nothing to solve the problem, Goku raised a blistered hand to his eyes and gently touched the charred flesh of his eyelids, an action that only caused him to cry out in agony.

"I'm not your father, Kakarot," Vegeta muttered gruffly, finally remembering to take off from the ground and begin the flight back to the house. "And quit being such a baby. You're not hurt that badly," he lied, turning his head guiltily to one side so he didn't have to see the boy's pained expression. "And you probably shouldn't touch your face," he added uncomfortably, discreetly trying to prevent Goku from causing himself any more pain. It was a concept he was unused to - saying things to comfort or help someone. He hoped that it sounded better to Goku's ears than it did to his own.

"V-Vegeta?" Goku asked plaintively, shifting his head towards the source of the prince's voice. He blinked his watery eyes again as the tears they contained continued to trickle down his cheeks. "Why can't I see?" he whispered fearfully.

Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, Vegeta stared woodenly in the direction of their destination, pretending that he hadn't heard the child's question. The chill wind created by traveling as fast as they were whipped through his hair and lifted away bits of Goku's charred gi, raising goose bumps on his skin which the prince ignored. Goku, however, shivered and began to cry softly, turning his head to bury it in his bearer's shirt, only to stop short when even brushing the cloth against his face induced such intense agony that he yelped in pain. "V-Vege-ta," he sobbed incoherently. "It h-hurts."

Flinching guiltily, the ten year old boy slowed down a little bit to lessen the effects of the wind, his mind fumbling for words to say to the chibi in his arms. "I didn't mean to," he stammered defensively. "I mean, I wasn't trying to hurt you, Kakarot. At least, not like this." Lowering his eyes to the forest below in shame, he added softly, "I... didn't mean to do this to you." I should have been more careful. I should have had more control! The Saiya-jin no Ouji is supposed to have control at all times, and I... I lost control of something as simple as my own attack!

Father would be ashamed to call me his son.

A wordless whimper of pain was Goku's only response to the young prince's words, and the younger Saiyan drooped his eyelids to cover the dead orbs beneath them. Staring at the child for a long moment, Vegeta's mind was involuntarily drawn back to his earlier conversation with Trunks. It seemed like he was always hurting Goku... even when he didn't mean to... was he really the monster he had once accused Goku of being? Even as he watched, tears continued to seep from the chibi's closed eyes and seemingly into Vegeta's soul.

Unbidden, words that he had spoken to Bardock what seemed like ages ago filtered into his mind. We all do things we shouldn't, and it is up to us to take responsibility for what we have done.

It's kinda your fault Goku got hurt in the first place! Trunks voice spoke up from another memory, another conversation discussing how he, Vegeta, had brought injury upon this seven year old Saiyan in his arms. You have to make amends for your actions.

I am the Saiya-jin no Ouji, Vegeta mentally whispered to himself, uncertain about what exactly that meant now. At one time he had thought he knew what it meant to be the prince of a warrior race but now... he wasn't so sure of himself. Gnawing his lip in self-doubt, the ten year old prince studied his chibi companion's bloody, tormented face for a few more seconds, wrestling with himself over what he was about to do.

Just how many Saiyan kids are you going to be able to play with? And how many of them would treat you like a playmate, and not the Saiya-jin no Ouji? If you don't apologize to Goku and make friends with him, as soon as Goten and I go home, you're going to be alone again!

I... I don't want to be alone anymore.

Blinking rapidly to clear away the memories, Vegeta drew in a ragged breath and, before he could change his mind, he blurted out, "I'm sorry about your grandpa." He closed his eyes in shame, although he didn't really know what it was he was ashamed of. Was it shame for apologizing to a lowly third class? Or was he instead ashamed of hurting Goku in the first place? He didn't know which it was.

Vegeta waited several long moments for Goku's response. Was he going to ridicule the young prince for being so soft, or for thinking that he might possibly be forgiven for what he'd done? Or would he... would he accept the apology? Trunks said it would be the second, but a gnawing doubt continued to wriggle in the back of his mind, planted there by years of life on Vegeta-sei among people who would unfailingly punish him for showing anything resembling the weaker emotions. After living almost all his short life like that, he couldn't help but half-expect Goku to prove himself to be like the others and scorn Vegeta for what he'd just allowed himself to say.

When the wounded chibi made no sound whatsoever, Vegeta cracked open his eyes to peer down at the boy in his arms. Goku's eyes were still closed, but the limp way in which his head rested against his bearer's arm told Vegeta that the boy had slipped back into unconsciousness. Not knowing exactly when that had happened, the chibi prince didn't even know for certain if Goku had heard his apology, a possibility that brought a mixture of relief and annoyance to his heart. If the seven year old Saiyan hadn't heard him, then there would be no chance of ridicule and mockery... but it would also mean that the apology had been in vain. And he didn't know if he'd ever have the courage to confront that mockery again. Suddenly, Vegeta found himself hoping that Goku had heard. Hoping for... forgiveness... acceptance...

A friend.

With Goku unconscious and Vegeta lost in thought, the rest of the flight home was fairly uneventful, the biggest challenge being to keep hold of Goku despite the slippery blood that now thoroughly covered both the injured boy and Vegeta's arms. Spotting the capsule house at last, relief flooded through the ten year old's mind and he gratefully landed a few feet from the broken door of the house, being careful to set down as gently as possible so as not to jostle Goku. The scents of cooking fish, or some other sea creature, wafted out of the open door and into his nose, reminding the young prince that the only thing he'd been smelling for the past fifteen minutes or so was the scent of Goku's charred flesh. In response to the infinitely more appetizing smells of lunch cooking, Vegeta's stomach began to rumble in anticipation. Vegeta determinedly ignored the promptings of his gut, knowing that there was something more important that needed to be done.

Taking a step towards the entrance, Vegeta suddenly hesitated as it dawned on him exactly what it would look like to Bardock when he walked in with the warrior's dying son in his arms. After the way he'd treated Goku in the past, he wouldn't be surprised if Bardock thought he'd purposefully tried to kill the seven year old boy. He found himself afraid that the older warrior would hate him, would reject him and turn his back on him. An image of Bardock reaching his hand out to him after their spar formed in his mind, except that this time the hand was filled with deadly ki and Bardock's face was filled with anger, disgust, hate... Vegeta shuddered and swallowed a sudden lump in his throat, more disturbed by the vision than he cared to admit.

Bardock is the only one who can help Kakarot. Taking a ragged breath to steady his nerves, he straightened his back and quickly took the last few steps to the door, not even pausing when he passed through the frame. He roughly shoved aside his own fears and concerns, lifting his chin with determination as he reached out with his ki senses to locate the older Saiyan, then set off in the direction of his ki. A trail of blood dotted the carpet beneath his feet as he made his way towards the kitchen, dripping from Goku's still bleeding face and chest, until at last they were there. The kitchen. And Bardock.

Vegeta took another deep breath and stepped through the doorway, looking up to meet Bardock's startled eyes as the man chipped a bit of carbonized... something... out of the pan he was holding. The warrior's gaze swiftly shifted to the bloody burden he was carrying, and Vegeta watched as the blood visibly drained from Bardock's face, his eyes widening with shock. Dropping the pan and spatula on the table with a clatter, the older Saiyan could only stare in horror at the body of his youngest son for several long moments, a barely detectable tremble shivering his body as he stood rooted in place.

"H-how..." he choked out hoarsely, then blinked away some of the shock. Taking two swift steps toward Vegeta, he carefully plucked the wounded child out of the prince's arms and cradled him to his chest before turning his attention back to the bloody prince. Narrowing his eyes accusingly, he began his question again, his voice tinged with the hint of a growl. "How did this happen?"

Even as gently as he had been moved, the sudden jostling was enough to pull at Goku's cracked and peeling skin, eliciting a sharp cry of pain from the seven year old. Jolted back to consciousness by the throbbing agony of his irritated wounds, the chibi sobbed pathetically as tears began to trickle from his closed eyes with renewed fervor. Bardock guiltily glanced back down at his son, ashamed that he'd brought more pain on his already suffering child, wishing that he could do something to comfort the boy.

"I-I didn't mean to do it," Vegeta whispered, his gaze shifting from staring at the miserable chibi Saiyan to look up at Bardock with wide, haunted eyes. He had resolved not to let the warrior's reaction affect him, but that promise had flown out the window the moment Bardock's accusing eyes had met Vegeta's. "It... it was... an accident..."

Bardock's expression darkened and he opened his mouth to say something, but caught himself when Goku interrupted him with a whimper. "Tou... san," he cried softly, opening his eyes out of habit, despite the fact that he couldn't see, and he stared up in the direction he guessed his father's face would be with his horribly white eyes. "Tousan," he sobbed again, the blood that had dripped from his cracked lips into his mouth adding a gurgle to the chibi's inarticulate plea.

Upon sight of Goku's blind and empty eyes, Bardock's stomach heaved, threatening to forcibly empty itself of anything that might remain from breakfast. He was a warrior, and he'd seen far worse than this, but those melted white eyes belonged to his son. Shuddering with revulsion, he resisted the impulse to squeeze his son comfortingly, as that would only cause him more suffering, choosing instead to glower sternly at Vegeta and jerk his head towards the hall. "Come with me," he abruptly growled as he turned on one heel and stalked off in the direction of Goku's bedroom. His head bowed uncertainly, Vegeta did as he was told without question, following a few steps behind the older warrior until they walked into the dimly lit room, the only source of light being the noon sun filtering in through the window.

Fidgeting uneasily while Bardock cast his eyes about the room for something, Vegeta could only imagine what the warrior was going to say when he turned his attention back on the young prince. He would want to know what happened, of course, and once he found out that Vegeta had lost control of himself in a fight, nearly killing Goku in the process... Staring miserably at the floor, the ten year old came to the conclusion that Bardock would lose all respect he might have had for the young prince, and that prospect made him realize how much he valued Bardock's regard. Maybe it was because Bardock respected him for himself, and not simply because he was the Saiya-jin no Ouji.

"Vegeta," Bardock's emotionless voice broke into his reverie, bringing him back to reality and the inevitable confrontation. The mere sound of the man's voice was enough to make Vegeta flinch involuntarily, as though his father had just found out that he'd failed in some task or responsibility. His mind didn't have time to contemplate the possible implications of that comparison as he hesitantly lifted his head to meet Bardock's eyes. "The bag on the dresser contains the senzu beans Goten and Trunks acquired," Bardock stated flatly, gesturing with his head towards the furniture in question. "I don't want to jostle Goku, so I want you to get a bean and give it to him."

Wordlessly complying with the the warrior's instructions, Vegeta floated up so he could reach the top of the dresser, grabbing the brown bag and opening it enough to slip his fingers inside. His nimble fingers took hold of one of the small, hard beans and he removed it from the bag, carefully setting the rest back on the dresser. It suddenly dawned on him that he was holding a senzu bean, one of those magical beans that could heal almost anything, or so Trunks had claimed back when he had explained the bean's properties after Vegeta had first been captured. Having seen them used so few times, it had been easy to forget about them, but now the ten year old fully realized that he held the means of saving Goku's life in his hand.

Vegeta grinned despite himself and zipped over to where Bardock stood with Goku in his arms, unaware that the older Saiyan was watching his reaction intently. Hovering level to the chibi's head, the prince slid the bean between Goku's half-open, bloody lips. "Come on, Kakarot," he pleaded with the whimpering child. "Chew it so you can get better."

Closing his eyes against the tears that still trailed down his blood encrusted cheeks, the seven year old Saiyan bit down on the bean in his mouth, crunching it loudly before swallowing. Twin sighs of relief escaped the lips of the two older Saiyans as the effects of the bean instantly set to work, healing the cracked flesh, regrowing new skin where some had fallen off or had been burned beyond redemption, smoothing away the thousands of blisters, until a few moments later there was only a bloody but perfectly healthy chibi resting in Bardock's arms.

Peering closely at Goku's face, the young prince cautiously reached out to touch the chibi's face, wanting some sort of physical proof that the younger boy was all right. Dried blood flaked away from unbroken skin, and before he realized what he was doing, Vegeta grinned involuntarily, glancing up at Bardock in excitement to see that the warrior was wearing a relieved smile of his own. That smile abruptly faded, leaving the ten year old to wonder what the problem was, until he glanced back down at Goku.

Goku's eyes had opened up to reveal perfectly smooth, glassy orbs, no longer misshapen or filled with tears.

But they were still a solid, milky white.

I don't feel like begging today.