Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Young Man's Heart ❯ Let It Slip Away ( Chapter 4 )

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Revis
"Your Wall"

You've got a way
Of watching the world divide
You into place
Direction is lost in flight

Everyone is gone
Let it slip away
Look at you
At the end of it

This moment will rise
And it takes you further inside
In through your wall again
That covers you once your in
In through your wall again
Until you can reach the end

I can see through
When communication is gone
The pieces of you
Fall down from the cloud you were on

Now everyone is gone
Let it slip away
Look at you now your at the end

This moment will rise
And it takes you further inside
Into your wall again
That covers you once your in
In through your wall again
Until you can reach the end
In through your wall

Empty your head and the rest will come
I missed you then the moment was gone
Look at you now

This moment will rise
And it takes you further inside
Lost your place but no one can tell
That your sick of losing yourself

Into your wall again

That covers you once your in

Into your wall again

Until you can reach the end

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Everything would be back to normal soon. Surely it would. He smiled at his boy reassuringly and ignored the unsure feeling that made his brow want to furrow as he looked down at his distraught and depressed boy.

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Warnings - Adult situations, cursing, almost sex. -smirks-

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*Let It Slip Away*

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"Gohan!"

The muffled shrill voice was muted and indistinct, but the dull thudding that followed it was very clear.

"Gohan! Open the door! I know you're home, get off your butt and let me in!"

More pounding followed and it finally began to disturb and rouse the inhabitant of the dark, cave-like apartment. He shifted and groaned in the gloom, brow creasing in annoyance before dark eyes finally cracked to peer tiredly around the room. Gohan lay there, considering whether he should just ignore Videl, but, in the end, he decided that that would just make things worse. Rolling awkwardly, he climbed onto unsteady feet, picking up the rumpled blankets and then looking around the living room for someplace to hide them. Grimacing, he realized that, with the state of the apartment, a few strewn blankets really wouldn't make much difference and dropped them in a pile on the floor. The banging on the door sounded like it was getting louder and he shuffled over to it, not wanting the violent fem on the other side to bust it down like she was threatening to.

Videl was so wrapped up in being angry and impatient that she didn't even hear the lock unlatch or realize that the door was open until the hard surface vanished from beneath her knuckles. She paused long enough to glare Gohan up and down and then pushed her way past him and into the apartment.

"About time. Do you know how long I've been out there trying to get you to wake up?" She squinted around the dim, dank room and then found the light switch on the wall. Suddenly the room was bathed in bright light that blazed mercilessly over a cluttered mess of pizza boxes and empty takeout containers. The room smelled old and stale with the sickly sweet and bitter scent of food remnants heavy in the air. Videl's nose scrunched unpleasantly and she moved to open the drawn blinds. "Gohan! Open a window or something! It stinks to high heaven in here. Jeez, what have you been doing all week, just sitting here in the dark?"

She pulled open first one window and then another, moving through the room and scooping piles of Chinese takeout boxes and other such containers into an already full trashcan and squishing them down inside it with her foot. Gohan just stood there by the still open door, blinking and squinting blearily in the light and listening as Videl grumbled to herself about "slobbish men". Then she turned with her hands on her hips and pinned him with a piercing gaze.

"I know I told you to come see me when you're in your right mind again, but it's been a damn week! I know you're recuperating, but you haven't said a word in all that time." She glanced around the room disgustedly. "And look at this place. Haven't you heard of trash pickup? This place is filthy."

Gohan looked around blankly, absently scratching at the cast that held his arm suspended at an odd angle and shrugged his good shoulder. "Trash day is tomorrow. I've still got time."

His gaze came back to the irate woman when she growled and he rolled his eyes with little concern for her ardor. His voice carried the sound of a bored and exasperated sigh. "I found out how hard it is to cook and do dishes with one hand. Takeout is easier."

Videl frowned and stepped closer to Gohan, looking him in the eyes suspiciously. After a moment she nodded wryly. "Medicated still, are we?" She asked sarcastically.

Gohan smirked and nodded looking bland, his dilated eyes struggling to keep up with the movement. "Yup. I can feel the metal. Sometimes it feels cold. The doc gave me something for the pain."

Now it was Videl's turn to roll her eyes. "So you're still out of your mind and you won't be normal until all this stuff is out of your system. Of course. How could I think otherwise?"

Gohan's eyebrows rose and he nodded as if to say 'Eh, oh well'. "Yeah…I guess so." Then his brow furrowed and he looked at her like he was about to share something amazing and awe-inspiring. "You know…this stuff is really cool. It makes everything so…" He looked around, trailing off while he tried to think of a worthy description. "It's cool."

Videl huffed, eyeing the pile of blankets by a large, cushy recliner. "Have you been sleeping out here in the living room?"

Gohan nodded while she continued to pick up the room. "It's the most comfortable thing right now and I can't roll." He started to frown as he watched her rearranging everything and gathering up all the trash. One garbage can was already filled with empty pizza boxes and some other cardboard so Videl went into the kitchen to round up another one.

"Oh good Kami!"

Gohan sighed, shutting the front door, and walked over to stand in the doorway of the kitchen. Videl had found his attempt at meal preparation and his cleanup afterwards. His ki was supposed to be good for *something*, right? If he couldn't scrub the dishes, surely he could burn the mess off of them. Right? Obviously there had been a flaw in his logic.

"Gohan! How did you melt glass??" She turned and glared at him. "While you are taking these damn drugs you are NOT to use any energy!" She turned around to the sink and proceeded to clean up the scorched, mangled mess that took up the kitchen counter space, talking to herself animatedly about something regarding heavy machinery, muscle brains, destruction of the world as she knew it, and inadequate warning labels.

Gohan grimaced slightly and watched her bustle around, his eyes sliding over her form thoughtfully. Leaning on the door jam, his head cricked sideways, taking in how she moved, as if her jerky, impatient, clipped movements were the most interesting thing in the room. 'She really tries.' He thought quietly. 'It's the thought that counts, right?' Videl wasn't bad looking in a butch sort of way, but she wasn't pretty like that paramedic he had hit on. Videl certainly was not the domestic type. She looked totally wrong cleaning up after him.

"Videl, don't worry about it, I was gonna take it all out tonight anyway."

He almost growled when she ignored him. This is what he had put up with all this time. Everyone ignoring him. Sure, how could he know what was good for him? He was just Gohan. Everyone needed to help him out because he was too spineless to do it himself. He snorted quietly. And he was spineless. He knew it. Completely and utterly spineless and weak. He couldn't stand up to anyone or anything unless he had a fucking Plexiglas mask between himself and them. He closed his eyes and sighed, defeated.

"Is there something you wanted, Videl?"

She eyed him sideways. "I came to check up on you. Good thing I did too. You're a mess. You haven't washed all week either, have you?"

Gohan turned away from the door and went back to his chair, sinking into it glumly. "It's kinda hard to shower when you can't get your left side wet."

He blinked at finding icy blue eyes staring up at him suggestively. He had taken more of whatever it was that the doctor had prescribed him about a half hour before and it was really starting to kick in. It must be…because he never noticed when she followed him back to the living room or when she knelt in front of him and slid her hands up along his thighs. Blinking, he took all this in; the feel of her small hands squeezing his inner thighs and the press of her breasts against his knees and, of course, that look in her eyes.

"I can't let my Gohan stay dirty, can I? No…I like him squeaky clean…" She smirked up at him, pressing up along his shins.

He pondered that look. It was almost predatory. That look. Slightly appealing. But he knew where that led. Always the same place. Actually, it wasn't all that appealing after all. Downright indifferent at the moment, really. Maybe that was just because of the drugs affecting him, but, even sober, sometimes it was more (or less, depending on how you looked at it) effort than it was worth. "I said it's hard to take a shower. I didn't say that I didn't bathe." He grumbled half heartedly.

"Oh good." She purred in a deep voice, her thumbs sliding over the crotch of his sweatpants and the soft flesh beneath. It was surprising just how well he felt the caress. Normally it took a *lot* more than that to get his blood going, but, now that she had his attention, that felt pretty damn good.

Gohan frowned just the tiniest bit, looking down at her hands as they stroked him erect as if trying to solve a puzzle. Usually…Videl just didn't turn him on this much without quite a bit of effort on both their parts…but damn that felt good… Still, the urge to fuck her just wasn't there. He felt too blank for any such want to take root. He was absolutely *not* in the mood. That sure said a lot for his male drive, that an attractive chick was pretty much begging him for sex and he just…didn't care. He closed his eyes, content to let her have her way for the moment though. This week had been pretty bleak for him and he wasn't sure whether he wanted company or whether he wanted to be left to waste away in the dark all alone. It's not like company changed much. No one understood, no one saw, no one could tell…no one cared. Fuck it. Gohan didn't care either. Not when he could help it.

Things had seemed like they might be sort of ok over the week he was at the hospital, but once they sent him home it all just seemed to settle on him like silt at the bottom of a cold lake. Videl was right. He had come home and hadn't said a word to anyone. He'd just curled up on his big soft chair in the dark and drifted in a never changing void of lonely, depressed shadow. And it had been…sort of ok…if you didn't count the fact that it hurt in more ways than just physical. He hadn't gone to school or to work, hadn't moved much at all. His most active moments were when he was good and drugged and numb, not feeling the oppressive, disgruntled unhappiness or the sting in his body. The medication actually made him pretty restless, but he had no desire to go anywhere. Life had left him blessedly *alone* for a whole week, passing by with nary a whisper. It had been…nice? He wasn't sure. It was mostly a blur anyway. At least it had been quiet. Calm and quiet.

And now life was pushing itself back onto him. Why couldn't it just leave him alone? Hadn't he indulged it enough? Couldn't it give him a rest for a while? Go make someone else its savior and whipping boy. But, of course, it looked like he was the man for the job. He was so not in the mood for this. He didn't deserve it, didn't want it.

'I don't want Videl.'

The opinion startled him as it spoke up so clearly in his mind. He studied it as one would some strange and new foreign food. 'I don't want Videl.' He repeated it just to feel it out once more. It fit comfortably. It fit so well that it was hard to believe that he'd never realized it before. He just wanted…nothing. Absolutely nothing. He hoped it swallowed him.

"Videl, stop it."

His voice sounded fuzzy in his ears, stumbling over his numb tongue. His eyes were still closed and he found the darkness like a comforting blanket. The hands drew away and he sighed half disappointed as the nice, warm, flushed feeling diminished and half in tired relief. Then his eyes flickered as Videl's weight crawled over him, her hot thighs straddling his hips. Warm lips brushed his, softly, gently, lovingly. He pried his eyes open but couldn't force his partially dilated pupils to focus on the face only inches from his own.

"Don't worry, Gohan. I'll be gentle." He assumed that the husky whisper was supposed to be erotic, but it just reminded him of a smoker's rasp. Gentle? Gentle was the last thing he cared about. He didn't want any of it. None.

"Videl…"

His protest was cut off by a hissed intake of air as she settled on his lap and rolled her pelvis. Slick warmth alerted him to the fact that she'd somehow managed to lose her jeans somewhere and that she was quite serious about her side of this whole thing. He had only been partially hard so far, was even starting to lose that, but it came back quickly despite his disgust. He *was* disgusted. With himself and with her too.

'I don't want Videl.'

It was so true, how the hell could it have ever slipped past him before? He didn't know. Just like he didn't know why it felt so different this time…so…good. The slick warm heat felt good sliding against him, better than good. He wasn't usually so sensitive.

'It's the medication.'

Fuck. The medication was giving him a damn hard-on. Now that was fucked up. And Videl thought it was her. 'She must be overjoyed. She hasn't gotten me this hard in…ever.' The demi snorted softly in amusement, the feel of her hot breaths and blunt teeth on his earlobe bringing him out of his heavy thoughts and back to the present. She groaned into his ear and his lip curled distastefully. She sounded like a sheep bleating. 'Sorry, not into that sort of thing.'

"Get off, Videl." He growled quietly, all humor gone.

She gasped, rocking on him, mistaking the meaning of his words. "…al…most…Gooooha…"

'I don't have to deal with this.'

Before he even realized what he was doing, his hand pressed flat on her stomach and he pushed up and back, sending Videl falling onto the floor. Her gasp switched to a shriek so fast that it made Gohan laugh. 'She wasn't expecting that. Good.' He thought meanly and it surprised him yet again. It felt good. Why the hell shouldn't he feel that way?

"I'm not in the mood, Videl."

He looked down at her laying on the carpet, naked from the waist down and dripping on his floor. 'I'll smell that for weeks.' He grimaced and looked down at the ground around his chair. He picked up her lost jeans and flung them in her direction, pulling his own sweats back up from where she'd tugged them. He glanced up and spotted her face again. 'Oh boy. She's mad.' She'd turned a rather horrific shade of red, her mouth flapping like a big mouth bass drowning in oxygen.

"Go home, Videl. I can clean my own apartment." He muttered, struggling to his feet. Upon standing up, the room began to spin and he had to hold the back of his chair for balance. Vaguely a buzzing sound caught his attention. Videl was yelling at him. Gohan smirked to himself. 'Maybe I shouldn't have taken two doses…but I'm glad I did.' So long as there were screaming women in the world…double doses sounded like a mighty fine idea. Gohan didn't even try to hear anything she was shouting.

"I don't want to fuck you, Videl. Yes, I said fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I don't want to talk, I don't want company, I don't want help, I don't want to listen to your screeching. I just want to go to sleep, alone, all by my self. Leave me alone, Videl. Go away." His voice seemed to echo back to himself from around the room. 'Am I yelling?'

It took him a moment to notice that she wasn't yelling anymore. Well, she was, but it was muffled because she was crying. Her face was wet as she struggled to pull her jeans up. She was tripping over herself in her haste to get clothed and to the door. Finally she yelled something back that he didn't hear or understand and yanked the door open, fleeing through it.

Gohan rocked on his heals, watching the door sway in a breeze from outside. A part of him felt a kind of sting for making Videl cry. But the rest of him was just tired of her and glad that she had gone. She never listened to him anyway. Just like the rest of them. She hadn't listened when he said no. She'd just done whatever she felt like doing. He was tired of those people who were supposed to love him doing these things to him.

"Gohan?"

The word repeated a number of times before the demi figured out just what it meant. He shook himself and blinked at the doorway where a new figure stood. He must have been standing there staring for at least a few minutes because no one had been there when Videl stormed away. He took a deep breath and walked unsteadily toward the door, gripping it for support.

"Yes, mom, I know Videl's mad. You know what? She can stay fucking mad. It's the only way she's gonna get the fucking she wants. Are you fucking mad too? I don't need looking after so you can stay fucking mad too. I'm going back to bed."

Gohan closed the door in ChiChi's face and locked it. From the other side, he could hear pounding and screeching just like when Videl came calling earlier and he laughed. 'Those two really should go fuck each other, they are perfect together.' He laughed harder at the mental image that appeared of the two of them ripping into one another and wearing strap on dildos.

He laughed for a few minutes before the amusement began to die down and realized only then that he was laying on the living room floor. He rolled slowly, feeling like he was swimming through the carpet and flipped onto his back, idly wondering if he could drown in the carpet since he only had one arm to use to swim. He stared up at the ceiling and chuckled to himself some more.

'This really is some strong, fucking cool stuff."

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Gohan woke to strong arms lifting him and holding him. He opened his eyes and waited for the room to come into focus. He wasn't at all worried about who it was that was holding him. It didn't even occur to him to worry.

"Gohan? Are you alright?"

The young demi groaned sleepily and rubbed his eye clumsily with his right hand. "Yeah, dad. I was sleeping."

Goku smiled down at him. "I know, Gohan. Your mom was worried. She said you were acting funny."

Gohan waved his hand recklessly in the air, almost bumping his dad's nose. "Pshh…just because I wanna sleep. Nobody will leave me alone. I just wanna be alone an sleep, but nooooooooo. Ya wanna fuck me…at least lemme sleep through it." He grumbled this last part, still mildly pissed that Videl had bothered him so much earlier.

Goku blinked and looked quite confused over that statement. "Uh…I'll let you sleep, Gohan. I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

Gohan sighed, a sad frown taking over his face, his eyes closing. He leaned into his father's embrace and nuzzled the strong chest like he used to do when he was young. Before his father left him for the afterlife.

"Dad?" His voice was muffled.

"Yes, Gohan?" Goku answered immediately.

"Dad…Why don't I exist?"

"What?" Goku couldn't understand what that was supposed to mean.

Gohan's voice was soft. "Why don't I exist? Nobody can see me…so I must not exist."

Goku hugged him tighter, unable to understand what the hell was going on. "I can see you, Gohan."

Gohan looked up at him with the innocence of a child half his age. "You can?"

Goku ran his fingers through Gohan's hair soothingly and nodded. "Yes, son. I can see you. I know you exist. Nothing would ever be the same if you didn't."

The demi smiled and closed his eyes again, relaxing. "Good. I'm glad you can see me. I don't want to be invisible."

His breathing turned rhythmic almost instantly and Goku carried him to his bed, laying the young man down. He looked down on Gohan quietly for a few minutes, wondering what that conversation had been about. He remembered back during the times that he had been hospitalized. He never liked the medication that the doctors had given him. It had made him feel strange and out of control. He had refused to take it most of the time. That was probably it. He hoped that Gohan would heal soon. It would be nice to have him back to normal again.

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