Dragon Knights Fan Fiction ❯ Twenty Themes ❯ Lies ( Chapter 12 )

Warnings: break-up, L/C

Size: 4.96kb

It's not you, it's me.

So that's what you look like when you lie. I'd always wondered, but now that I see the face you use, I can recognise those other occassions when you lied to me. Was it to spare my feelings that one time, when you told me You look fine? Did you know how nervous I was at meeting your parents? Was it that overly flamboyant dress that turned your mother against me? She was given to snap judgements: maids fired, courtiers dismissed to foreign cities, prospective in-laws disgraced. Why didn't you back me up?

You deserve someone better.

You're not doing yourself any favours with this, Lykouleon. There's sweat forming on your upper lip, is my silence making you uncomfortable? Your face screwed up like this when I used your hands to unfurl my woolen balls. I would have been okay if you'd told me you were bored - I wouldn't have minded, but you screwed up your face and said No, I like to do this, really.

I just want to spend some time on my own.

Then why are you looking to your left and not meeting my eyes. It can't be the silence - you're weathered worse than this before. How about the streams of tears that you soothed away with your sweet mistruths: I don't think you're needy. I can't believe that I felt so safe that I cried in front of you.

I don't have the time to devote to you right now.

Well, you've been busy for the past twenty years - what's suddenly changed? I can help you, you know. Remember telling me I like that we talk about important things? I know as much about this land as you do. I can help and advise you. Lykouelon, didn't you realise that I'd planned to devote myself to you and your duty, no matter what?

I hope that we can still be friends.

Is my friendship important to you? Well it's conditional on you accepting buckets of love. I will serve you and I will listen to you, but I won't believe you. Everything's okay. I'll never believe you again, Lykouleon. I won't speak to you, except civilly. Perhaps then your heart will pang and you'll see why these lies do you no justice.

It's over between us.

If that's true then why are you still staring at my chest? What will happen when you get drunk next? I saw you and Ruwalk on that lonely night that neither of you will speak about. I was watching from the shadows and scant years later I caught an awful sense of déja vú when you whispered I don't even look at other women.

Poor Ruwalk, poor me.

There isn't anybody else.

"What about Raseleane?"

Couldn't keep that in, could I? How many times did we talk about her? How many times did I hear: She can't hold a candle to you ?

We're just friends.

That smile on your face says you're lying. She has it all, doesn't she? Hips, boobs, that precious inch. I prefer smaller women. Just how tall is she, exactly?

You're a really cool, strong person.

You've seen me weeping into my cups; held my hair on my birthday; seen me crumple when my father died. How can you say that when you're trying to crush my spirit? I get how you work now. You mean You're going to have to be cool and strong, because I won't be there with with you just like I'd love to spend the weekend with you meant I'd rather go fishing with Ruwalk and I'll see you next on monday.

I know you'll be fine.

The one thing you can't do is see the future. Wishful thinking that you don't quite believe? You stopped caring about me long go. I'm sorry I was late. That day was important to me. That day was special. Your shirt was crumpled and your eyes were wild and you offered no explanation. I couldn't say anything there and then, but you soon learned how furious I was.

You'll find somebody else.

In a city where no-one touches your cast-offs? You've paraded me in front of everyone. Who is there that doesn't know? Who is there that doesn't realise how badly you treated me and how little you respected me? Who didn't snigger into their tankards on the eightieth time you said I was unavoidably delayed? Over and over and over and over.

Do you know what that does to a girl's marriage prospects? Thanks to my blind love for you, I'll be a spinstery old maid. Poor mother died dreaming of the day that she'd be invited to Lykouleon and Cernozura's Wedding. That's why she left everything to my younger brother.

I have to go.

And attend what fire? You could stay here longer. You could spend time with me when I need you.I'll be there! you'd cry and you never were. I was always left standing alone - what's the diffference now?