Earthian Fan Fiction ❯ Elegy of the Heart ❯ Elegy of the Heart ( One-Shot )

All standard disclaimers apply. "Earthian", its characters and all likenesses of which belong to its respective creators and producers, including Yun Kouga and Shinshokan-TOSHIBA EMI. I am not paid to spend all of my free time writing. It is merely an unhealthy obsession of mine and I do it solely for the entertainment of the readers.

Although I should not have to mention this, it should be noted that "Earthian" is a shounen ai series and therefore yaoi references are fully merited. Only ignorant ppl would flame this for reasons other than me being a really lousy writer. ^_^;;;

Author note: This was my very first attempt at an Earthian fic, so it's not surprising if it's somewhat short, plotless and full of inconsistencies. I hope everyone enjoys it anyway-- well, in a manner of speaking. Many thanks to Kage-chan for introducing me to this wonderful series, which I quite literally fell in love with overnight... and to my wonderful muse and sister, Chibi Megami. Without you, inspiration would be a chore. ^_^

Warnings: Shounen ai, extreme angst

Elegy of the Heart

Crystalline teardrops skittered and danced vibrantly across the heavens-- molten diamonds in a slow burn against sable velvet of midnight sky. Periodically, a single droplet-- maybe two-- would spiral out and fall, blazing a fiery trail athwart the peaceful ocean of the cosmos, disrupting the vast tranquility with its violent abruptness but flickering out of sight and mind within mere seconds, just as quickly forgotten.

The moon was low and full, radiating a soft luminescent glow amorously upon the earth and tingeing lightly the few creamy clouds that drifted serenely by in the otherwise clear sky. The celestial light fell gently, unobstructed-- like a sheer blanket of warmth-- casting a pleasant, silvery aura about the land and all creation it had yielded.

In all of Nature, never could there have been a night more perfect than this.

And yet... for all of that... something was amiss in Earth's garden... though ever so slight, one could just sense the despair, so out of place- a shiver on a Summer evening-- lingering on the winds.

Amidst the heavenly glow, wrapped delicately within its tender embrace, an equally beautiful, but solitary creature knelt before all... mourning.

A whisper of a breeze kissed the brooding youth quietly, stirring a few violet-black strands of his hair thoughtfully before growing bolder, offering what little solace it had to give... but only served to further sadden him, so it seemed.

Sniffling slightly, the young man slowly raised his grief-flushed face to greet the cool rush of air against his cheek, indulging in the bittersweet rush of emotion that flooded his chest on contact. The experience of the wind, crisp and insistent along his skin, gave birth to the familiar sensation of flight, affording him a moment of euphoric nostalgia. For an instant, his heart was light again, free of the heavy shackles of pain and degradation that he had silently suffered under these past months since his heart-rending ordeal...

Alas, it was only to be shattered again by harsh reality when, unconsciously, he had allowed his wings to come forth, unfolding gracefully from his body and extending fully. A startling plumage of deepest ebony unfurled itself as he stretched, matching the glorious, elusive luster of the angel's plum coal tresses-- and length for length, those magnificent, iridescent locks swirled forward in a rich cascade which flowed smoothly down past his waist in triumphant display. All the joy of his given birthright burst forth in a suddenly mindless, blissful wave of feeling as he reached up toward that which had been destined for his people... and reached... and reached... until...

It hit.

Like the rolling shock of a bolt of lightning, a terrible pain shot up his left side, causing the young angel to cringe back and curl into itself tightly, emitting a small, piercing cry of agony. Horrified tears scalded the backs of his eyes cruelly as he squeezed them shut against the world, wrapping his arms around himself closely in a vain attempt to keep the searing ache at bay.

Several tense minutes passed before the small, young man was able to loosen his grip on his own shoulders, finally remembering how to breathe and almost falling forward in an exhausted heap as the anguishing sensations finally dissipated. Gingerly, he reached back and let his fingertips run along the inside his left shoulder blade, until they brushed lightly against a particularly large, sore spot where his left wing used to be. He flinched visibly, dropping the hand to shake it out roughly-- as if to rid it of something undesirable.

Sighing, he collapsed down to the ground, staring blankly at the soft blades of grass that stirred gently beneath him in a slow, soothing dance. "Maybe I should just learn to accept it..." he muttered to himself, idly tracing irregular, angry patterns into the soil with a finger. "Maybe this is my punishment for going against Eden..."

`No bad deed ever goes unpunished... no matter what the intentions were... it always catches up to you...'

"Maybe..." his voice dropped till it was just above a whisper, "I deserve this?"

`All of it... everything that hurts... I deserved all of it, somehow...'

Abruptly, a violent tremor gripped him and his entire body rocked with it, driving his slouch to a more acute angle-- his nose just inches away from the ground. Unable to stop shaking, he bit back his tears, willing his erratic breathing to calm, but to no avail. Instead, the trembling intensified and drew out, causing him to convulse.

"M... Messiah..." he cried, "Why? Why couldn't you stay with me?!"

`It wouldn't have hurt so much if you had stayed! We could have worked it out... all of us... at least I'd still have something left... But you wouldn't. And now I'm alone again...'

"Dead to me," he mumbled piteously, "Messiah... like Takako. Sapphire. The Seraphim. Taki... Kagetsuya..."

Furiously, he clawed the earth beneath his hands, desperate to ease the desolation in his heart-- desperate to escape the churning tempest of doubt and regret that had settled so firmly in his chest ever since that devastating night. The night that should have only given their struggle a conclusion with the death of Dr. Ashino, Messiah had taken both his wing and his soul and ripped them clean away before disappearing from this world forever.

It was that same night-- and witnessing that exchange between Chihaya and Messiah-- that had driven a tangible, emotional wedge between him and his lover, Kagetsuya-- a lover that he had fallen from grace just to be with-- a lover who was no longer feeling or open to him. At least, he had ceased to be ever since then.

Cold. Impersonal. Dead.

An angelic destroyer, indeed.

Without meaning it. Without knowing it. Without a chance to ever do so.

Unable to ever do so.

Messiah had left his entire world withered and lifeless-- barren and unyielding.

And yet... he would still always love him, regardless. It was a sadistic sentiment he would carry with him right to the grave-- he was sure of it. To love the one who'd single-handedly devastated your whole existence was nothing short of insanity... or so Kagetsuya had put it, though not in so many words. And, to his credit, that was completely reasonable. It truly was ludicrous to do so-- downright laughable in some ways. But it didn't change the way he felt. Messiah was his friend. He had never meant for any of the things that occurred that night to happen. No one had. He wasn't to blame.

Quivering, Chihaya began to sob miserably, feeling the hot, wet flow of tears staining his cheeks-- evidence of his long suppressed remorse. `I can not blame you, Messiah... that wouldn't be fair to you.' Feebly, he pressed his forehead against the cool, soft ground and wept into it. All of his shame, bitterness and aggravation flowed up from his chest and pooled behind his eyes, manifesting into salty, burning moisture which fled him gratuitously and was fed into the Earth, drop by drop, forever imprinting his sorrow.

"I'm so sorry... I-I was so selfish..." he confessed brokenly, in a strangled whimper into the empty winds.

***

Several feet away, just beyond the grassy clearing, a shadowy figure stood among the trees, watching the dark angel with a troubled expression. The wind had picked up just enough for him to catch fractional hints of the other's tortured monologue. Draped in darkness, he had listened, distraught at what was revealed to him even in those few, brief mutterings-- all the sheltered, secret grief his lover had endured in silence.

All the things Chihaya had knowingly kept from him.

The things they should have faced together... although it had become obvious that the smaller angel would not have it. He had made that abundantly clear in the days following that unforeseen incident with Messiah: brooding, withdrawing into himself... pulling away from him in bed.

There had been so much distance put between them since then, though it was not completely Chihaya's doing. It had been his fault as well. He had seen the need to give his younger lover some space to figure things out, so he had backed off. But there were some wounds that even time seemed to be incapable of healing. So the days turned into weeks and the weeks stretched into months... and everything only appeared to be getting worse, not better.

The tension that existed between them now was so thick and uncomfortable; it seemed like the damage was already irreparable.

Was it so?

Perhaps it was.

Then again, he wasn't so ready to give up-- regardless of the chances. Not when he and Chihaya had come so far. He'd be damned if it was all for naught after all this time.

They had bared their souls to one another, shared their most intimate dreams and sorrows, and had even fell from Eden just to be together... and he wasn't about to give it all up without a fight.

But in order for it to work, he needed Chihaya to want it too.

To believe in it.

`To believe in us.'

Pressing himself back against the sturdy trunk of a nearby tree, Kagetsuya closed his eyes and tuned himself back into the soft, penetrating sobs that filled the air. `Hang in there just a little longer, Chihaya... we'll get through this...'

And fervently, he began to pray.

`Have faith in me'

And for the rest of that unassuming night, they stayed that way-- mourning in their own ways for each other and for the loss of all things precious.

But for all his inner turmoil, it wasn't until Chihaya had surrendered to a fitful sleep some time after dawn and he had slipped away that Kagetsuya realized that never once during those soul-baring hours had he once shed a single tear.

I'd give eternity to hold you in my arms once again

I live with nothing more than this straining hope

But somehow you're always just beyond my reach

I'm hanging on to what I can

Caught up in a memory

Only to watch it fade away

Like a stone I shed no tears

Though all the while I die inside

Please come back to me

For all I have is this bleak infinity

***

Note: No, this isn't one of those "Chihaya's in love with Messiah" fics. The type of love described in these passages is the kind of love shared between friends. Although I try not to discriminate, it is my belief that-- although it isn't said directly and there's always a chance that Dr. Ashino had contact with other black angels-- Messiah was the end product of a twisted experiment that had used Chihaya's DNA as its base.

My reasoning is derived from OAV#1 in which Chihaya was taken captive and tortured... when Kagetsuya finally comes and rescues him, he's bleeding quite heavily around his midsection. If you were a mad scientist with a field of expertise in bio-engineering, are you going to tell me that you're going to pass up the opportunity to collect a blood sample from an angel to use in further experiments if you got the chance? So, following this line of reasoning, I have come to the conclusion that Messiah is an artificially engineered offspring to Chihaya, in a sense-- his son. Now, who wants to remove Kagetsuya from the equation for father-son incest?

If that's your cup of tea, I highly recommend Angel Sanctuary... lots of incest there.