Excel Saga Fan Fiction ❯ The Lost Episode(?) ❯ One-Shot

This is an adult fanfiction work. Don't read if you're not past 18 years of age yet. The characters herein are reasonably mature enough despite the setting.

Excel Saga is copyrighted to Koshi Rikudo, Shounen Gahousha, Victor Entertainment, and JC Staff. Plans to be released in the US are handled by ADV Films. All other copyright goes to their respective, and respected, owners. Beware of dog.

A typically normal day at the studios of JC Staff. Except for the fact that a large group of women from the feminists movement are picketting from outside the fences. Manga writer Koshi Rikudo and the afro-sporting director Nabeshin are looking at the situation from the third of their five-story building.

Nabeshin: The natives are getting restless, Rikudo.

Koshi: Well, what can we expect? Ever since last week when I gave their approval...

KOSHI RIKUDO GIVES ITS FULL PERMISSION TO USE THE CHARACTERS FROM "WEIRD ANIME EXCEL SAGA" IN A SEXUALLY ORIENTED LEMON FANFICTION. BE SURE TO GIVE FULL CREDIT TO ITS CREATORS AND THE COMPANY ON YOUR WAY OUT.

STAMP!!

Koshi: ...and when word had leaked about it, all hell broke loose.

Nabeshin: Well, fans of Excel are already doing hentai dojins of her. We might as well cash in on it. But just to be on the safe side, I made an order for a delivery.

Koshi: You... Did?

A truck goes toward the feminist group and finds the space to turn around. The driver of that truck opens the door whilst one of the women spoke to the news crew about the evils of men's "genitals" taking over the production of animated entertainment. She goes on about Japan being labled as a country that gave birth to "tentacle rape series" like Urotsukidoji and La-Blue Girl when she notices something jump on her shoulder. She turns around to see that its a rat (wearing sunglasses and trying to give its own words to the public). The woman screamed her head off. And the fact that the truck was carrying thousands of rats was a great displeasure to the protesting group. They decided to leave the area. Very quickly.

Koshi: Well, I gotta hand it to you, Nabeshin. You really know how to... Hide under a table?

Nabeshin: [Cowarding under said table.] If anybody needs me, I'll be waiting here until they round these disgusting things from the studio.

The view switches, with breakneck speed, to Across Headquarters...

Il Palazzo: Minions of my cause! You've done well in capturing one of many scum that are known as the Security Assurance Agency!

Excel: Thank you thank you thank you thank you, sir! It is the duty of your most loyal and prettiest warrior, Excel, to do your bidding and see that your ideas come to life within this world, your magesty! But can you PLEASE explain to me why I'm tied up as well?! Not that I don't enjoy it or anything since you're the one who tied me up in the first place! Is this gonna be S&M?! You're not gonna include Hyatt are you?! I hope this doesn't drag on too long...

Hyatt: Ye-ess. Why am we tied u- *COUGH-COUGH-COUGH!!*

Indeed, Excel and Hyatt are on the floor with their hands tied to their wrist behind their backs. Misaki Matsuya, the super-hot babe of the show, starts to wake up from being bonked into a stupor. And she finds that her hands are tied to the back as well.

Misaki: ...huh...? HUH??!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??!! YOU!!! YOU'RE THAT BASTARD THAT RUNS "ACROSS" ARE YOU??!!

Il Palazzo: Now come on, sweet dear. You are my guest f... [Sick of Excel's constant talking and solves it by stuffing a dirty sock into her mouth.]

Misaki: YOU SICK BASTARD!! JUST WAIT UNTIL THE REST OF THE SAA FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS!! THEY'LL MAKE YOU PAY!!

Iwata: Hi-dee-ho!

Misaki turns around to see three of her teammates are already here, and sitting on the chairs. Iwata Noriku is drooling like a total idiot (which, to her, is very bad news). Watanabe Touru is embittered about the whole senario as Misaki. And Sumiyoshi Oumaru is just sitting there.

Il Palazzo: Here's my plan. Using the technology I gained from the Puchu (those frighteningly cute little creatures), I plan to create some genetically-enhanced humanoid warriors that will better suit my purpose of world domination. But first, I'm in need of the sperms and eggs of human beings.

Misaki: DA FUCK??!! ARE WE NOW RIPPING OFF THE EVANGELION HENTAI MOVIE??!!

Iwata: [Grabs Misaki by the breasts and starts fondling them. He's still drooling mind you.] Well, it's working wonders for me.

Misaki: IWATA YOU FUCKING PERVERT!! DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE??!!

Watanabe: That's right! Your sick plans for world domination must be destroyed! But this is my only chance to score with Ms. Ayasugi! What shall I do?!

Hyatt: [Turns around to face Watanabe, being sure to show her "best side."] Watanabe-e... Ple-ease make lo-ove to me-e...

Watanabe: CHOICE MADE!! I'M GOING IN!! Don't worry, Ayasugi. I'll be gentle.

Misaki: AARRGH!! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW FUCKING STUPID YOU MEN ARE!! SUMIYOSHI!! UNT- *BONK!!* ...oui...

Excel: [Finally spitting out the dirty sock, which beams Misaki by the head.] Now that's dirty-poo stuffing my mouth with your dirty sock, your magesty! I rather have my mouth stuffed with your cock and WHY THE HELL IS THIS FAT, UGLY PERSON GROPING MY BREAST AND FINGERING ME???!!!

Sumiyoshi: | Hey! No need to get personnal. |

Excel: You mean to tell me that this fat guy's going to have sex with me?! I'm much too beautiful to be a pin cushion for someone who should be in the Atlantic Ocean and shooting water from the top of his head!

Iwata: SHUT UP, YOU BITCH!! Sumiyoshi's my friend, dammit! And I won't have someone talk crap about him without a fight!

Sumiyoshi: | I still owe you that $50, do I? |

Iwata: Huh? What? I wasn't paying attention. I'm just too busy sucking on this fine woman's tits.

Misaki: ...gwaaaaahAAAARRRRGGHH!!!

By this time Watanabe had already removed Hyatt's leggings and clothing. And they're well into ripping off the slow-going sex scene usually found in ecchi/romance anime like "End of Summer." Occasionally interrupted by Hyatt's usual "getting sick and coughing up blood" characteristics.

Excel: [Her shoulder armor and shorts flung off.] NOOO!!! I DON'T WANNA LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO SOMEBODY OTHER THAN IL-PARAZZO!! HELP ME!! GREAT WILL OF THE UNIVERSE!!

-=***=-

Location: death records within Switzerland's United Nations....

Will: Huh?

Pedro: What's wrong, Ms. Universe?

Will: I thought I heard somebody calling for help. It might be my imagination.

Pedro: Or it might be Ms. Excel.

Will: Oh, never mind. Hand me forms 41A, 42D, and 557. And give the rest to one of the "Three Wise Men" when you get the chance.

Pedro: You'll never forgive Commander Ikari and those guys over at SEELE for what they did, will you? I hate to see what you have in store for Mr. Anno...

-=***=-

Sumiyoshi: | *SLURP!! SLURP!! SLRRP!!* |

Excel: Oh my God! This guy's not making a sound when he licks me! And his large hands are fondling my ample bosoms! I feel so disgusted and yet if feels so good at the same time! Your magesty! Please don't tell me that your new assassin will be composed of _his_ genes as well as mine!

Il Parazzo: Damn you, Excel! Can you keep your mouth shut for _one_ _episode_?!

Excel: But why won't you fuck me, your magesty?! You're my true idol for me to worship and OH MY GOD DON'T STOP I'M CUMMING AAAAAAaaaaahhhh.... 0_0; Wait! Don't tell me that you're GAY!!

Il Parazzo: [Facevaults, HARD, onto the floor.] (You make it sound like such an insult. Especially since I had my eyes on Hyatt all along...)

Iwata: [Already thrusting his cock into Misaki's hole like a madman.] Your pussy feels so good, Misaki! I feel like fucking you all week!

Misaki: [With a vehement look on her face.] (Dammit...! If I knew this was gonna happen to me, I would've worn the "bat watch" around my wrist instead of that expensive Rolex!)

Watanabe: [Finally managing to slide his large member into Hyatt's warm, wet pussy.] Here I go, Ayasugi.

Hyatt: Ple-ease don't rush, Wata... [Starts coughing up a bloodstorm, which ends up all over Watanabe's face, and ends up dying on him.]

Watanabe: WAAAAAH!! AYASUGI!!

Sumiyoshi: | And here I go! | [Sliding his cock into Excel's thoroughly licked pussy.]

Excel: Your magestaAAHOOO!!

Watanabe: Hey, Il-Pa-whateveryourface! Ayasugi had just died on me!

Il Parazzo: Don't worry about it. She'll come back to life after she rests.

Watanabe: You're not serious, are you?!

Hyatt: He i-is serious...

Watanabe: GWAAH!!! Pleaze don't tell me that you do this often, Ms. Ayasugi!

By this time, all three of the guys are sliding their cocks in and out of the three ladies. Excel's still complaining about the idea that Sumiyoshi's doing her instead of Il Parazzo himself. Misaki, finding out that he already came inside of her three times, decided to give up and tries to ride his cock into a desperately needed orgasm. Hyatt and Watanabe are a bit more romantic on their end, despite her lack of iron in her blood getting to her. Pretty soon...

Sumiyoshi: | Uh...! I'M GONNA CUM...! |

Iwata: ME TOO!! [For his fifth time.]

Watanabe: AYASUGI!!

Excel/Misaki/Hyatt (drooling blood): AAAAH!! I'M CUMMING!!

The scene finally ends with three ladies receiving a dramatic facial...

Meanwhile, in the director's room...

Koshi: What do you mean we're not done?!

Nabeshin: Just what I meant. Now we're gonna create something for the ladies.

The view switches, with breakneck speed, to Across Headquarters...

Il Palazzo: Welcome to my lovely abode, gentlemen.

We find Sumiyoshi, Iwata, and Watanabe bounded by their arms and legs as they're forced to squat on the floor.

Watanabe: This is the VERY LAST TIME I listen to you, you fool!

Iwata: Well, how was I suppose to know that we would switch places?!

Sumiyoshi: | What are you gonnd do with us?! |

Il Parazzo: Think of it as a little experiment of mine. It's been said that fear is a primorial instinct which can control the human's psyche and spirit.

As on cue, the three ladies appear from out of the darkness; decked out in S&M dominatrix outfits and readied with their "tools of the trade."

Misaki: That's right, Iwata. The word "fear" is gonna be used a lot around here. Especially in sentences like, "YOU WILL LEARN TO FEAR ME LIKE THE VERY NIGHTMARE THAT TORTURES YOUR SOUL!!!"

And Misaki cracks her whip;slashing poor Iwata into a new dimension of pain, pleasure, and stupor.

Excel: Yeah! Let's see how YOU like getting stuffed into your person with things you don't like!

Excel sticks a candle up Sumiyoshi's butt, lights it, and starts melting the wax off two other candles onto his ass. The second poor smuck of the series starts "screaming" from the pain caused by it.

The third and final smuck, Watanabe, is suspended by wrists and ankles onto a chained web. Hyatt attaches an electro-shock clip onto each of his nipples.

Watanabe: [Tears flooding from his eyes.] Ms. Ayasugi...! Please, don't...!

Hyatt: Watanabe... Suffer for me... *COUGH-COUGH-COUGH!!*

She turns on the switch and shocks poor Watanabe to near-death.

And the scene finally ends as we exit Across HQ; filled with the howls and screams of the tortured souls herein...