Fake Fan Fiction ❯ In Trusting Eyes ❯ In Trusting Eyes ( Chapter 1 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: shadowpassinthru 
Ryo recieves horrifying news
Anime/Manga: Fake Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Psychological | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 06.01.2004 | Updated On: 06.02.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.6K | Visits: 439 | Status: Work In Progress
Ryo recieves horrifying news
Anime/Manga: Fake Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Psychological | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 06.01.2004 | Updated On: 06.02.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.6K | Visits: 439 | Status: Work In Progress
Title: In Trusting Eyes
Author: Kayla
Summary: After the unexpected deaths of his aunt and uncle, Ryo is forced into the emotional responsibility of giving their daughter - what they had given him. Dee and Ryo both are forced to understand what it means to be a father.
Disclaimer: Sanami Matoh owns FAKE.
Rating: PG-13
Archive: Please, if you'd like to have it on your site - by all means do. Please email me though, to let me know where it is.
Author's Note: Song title comes from the Anthony Stewart Head song, "Babies." And yet it still sucks. I am the master of awful titles.
- - - -
It was dark, but a warm light illuminated the room, owing to several tiny candles that had been lit to add to the effect of the dinner. Curtains were drawn, not allowing the motion filled buzzing of New York City to be in any way noticeable. As romantic as it all was, neither of the two men in the room, could honestly say that the lighting was adding or subtracting from their night. The living room had been set up like a refined dining room.
“So,” Dee began slowly, trying not to let the conversation he was having with his lover die. He was never one for total silence, because... he had a controlling nature, and noise was more manageable then quiet. “What'cha been thinking about all of those office romances we've got going on at work? I think we've become the precinct of love nowadays.”
His light haired partner laughed slightly. “I know. Everyone wants a piece of someone in there. They're all animals.”
“Well, luckily I was the first animal to get the first piece,” Dee yawned out the words, smirking. He was not even trying to be serious anymore. Things were just so relaxed with Ryo lately, that he was loving every moment of it. How long had he been waiting to come to this point? The point where they could relax, and joke with each other? Hearing Ryo laugh, that was the greatest thing in the world. “Actually you're right, they're all pigs like me ... except maybe Drake and JJ, I think that could work.”
Ryo was not one to gossip. He had been taught as a boy, that it was the wrong behavior, and it didn't hold up to his ethics even now. There was something wrong with talking about other people's personal lives. He had always been so nervous that people were talking about him; at least when he was younger, and a little more insecure. Yet now he was curious to hear what Dee had to say. The office romances were interesting, to say the least. “You think so?” he asked, hoping Dee might continue.
“Yeah,” Dee said, in a laid back manner. “It gets JJ off my back... and Drake actually has stuck with someone for over- erm- three weeks now. It's a modern miracle."
“Hehe ... I hope that it does work,” Ryo said silently. “The others are just quick things. But I don't know why they'd choose to have their brief relationships where they work. It's too private... I would rather...”
“Oh,” Dee taunted, grinning. “Has my itty-bitty Ryo had some experience with the quick fling or two?”
Ryo shook his head, reddening. Dee burst out, but quickly contained himself from laughing. “Never mind," he said, trying not to say anything stupid. "Don't worry about it- no prying coming from me."
Then all at once, the telephone rang. The loud, irritating bell rang out from Ryo's kitchen, making Dee cringe. “I hate telephones!” he complained. “Why do they always interrupt the best moments? When we move in together, then I will ban you from EVER carrying one of those unholy, devil made things. I've already told most people to only call me in emergencies. I've got to unplug that thing sooner or later." Dee smiled proud of his accomplishments against the offensive invention.
“Aw c'mon,” Ryo said gently and bent over to quickly kiss the side of Dee's face, before turning away to go answer the call of the loud ringing.
“Hurry up Ryo ...” Dee whispered. “It's been three hours since I've jumped you and I'm eager...”
“Shut up Romeo, and let me answer the phone... I'll be right back!” Ryo yelled this from the kitchen. Dee chuckled politely, taking a slow sip of the deep red liquid in his glass. Ryo's place was so nice compared to his, but so much smaller. Yet it was the perfect place to be together. And Ryo, who was supposed to be so reserved and practical – had lit all of these candles, and moved all the furniture. Truth was – his Ryo was as much as a silly romantic as he was .
He was overjoyed that he'd finally gotten everything he wanted from his relationship with Ryo. From the minute the young man had walked into the Chief's office, he knew that something was going to happen between them. He honestly didn't know the nature of it – and at sometimes had screwed things up so badly with his immaturity, his lies, and his desire for his partner. Yet they were here... were they not?
“Where is that totally inconsiderate man anyway?” he asked, when he stared at the wall clock to realize that Ryo had been in the kitchen, on the phone for over ten minutes. Ryo was very considerate of other's, so something was up. “Hmm... guess I'll have to get him all by myself.”
Dee stood up and walked from the table set in the living room, to the walled off kitchen area. It was perfectly dark, as though Ryo had never even turned on a light to answer the phone. Dee flicked the switch, and almost yelled out in shock.
Ryo was curled up on the floor, in the corner. He was sitting upright, staring at the floor, holding his knees to his chest. . “Ryo ... what's wrong?” Dee asked, concerned, moving towards his partner rapidly.
There seemed to be a barrier, holding him back from getting to Ryo. He was helpless, and could do nothing to help whatever this was. There was no sound, or sufficient air in the room and everything felt hollow. Ryo's jet black eyes were blank, and Dee's stomach twisted just watching him like this. Why was time stilling all of a sudden? “There's no way...” Ryo whispered, pressing his head against his knees. “They don't deserve... and Ari doesn't either. Is she even alive?” It was apparent that Ryo was thinking aloud, a habit of his own, and Dee was not in his mindset. He probably couldn't even see the man hovering next to him. Ryo continued to rant on in broken speech : “The other man... he was severely intoxicated... Rick's a great driver, perfect record. Not a chance... nuh uh. No way are they gone, it's a complete lie."
Then everything clicked in Dee's mind. He could picture an image from a few months back. Ryo had been talking to him, about how his aunt and uncle were visiting, as they had three months earlier. “I mean, you'll love them Dee. They are just the perfect people, but don't let Elena catch anyone calling her perfect. What other person could ask for the most perfect godparents, in his aunt and uncle? And their baby Ari, Dee, she's the prettiest kid ever.”
That was it. A driver under the influence, Ryo's aunt and uncle, the fate of Ari – who happened to be the couple's baby daughter of recent. Dee knew, and felt the barrier stronger than ever when he realized the damage. Ryo's aunt and uncle had to be dead.
Suddenly he lost all respect for Ryo's mental privacy. Seeing Ryo sitting there, his body drawn closed, while he shook and whined in pain, was too much. Trembling himself, Dee shattered the wall between them and rushed Ryo straight into his arms. He gripped Ryo as tightly as his body possibly could hold. Ryo's rough clothing brushed him, so he only squeezed tighter. Dee couldn't speak to him.
“I don't understand what Uncle Nevan said!” Ryo burst out hysterically, suddenly violently thrashing out of Dee's arms. Dee held tight though, and Ryo gave up panting the words, “Let me go.”
“Do you want me to?” Dee asked softly, moving to leave, but Ryo latched onto him.
“Stay,” Ryo panicked, his heart thumping against Dee. Dee could feel the beating against him, as it ran through both of them. Then it slowed alarmingly, and Ryo went slack in his arms, lying against his chest. Everything halted, leaving Dee in a slow moving horror. He felt a little helpless, but it still was as though nobody had died. There was no sadness here, just horror stricken men.
Ryo wanted to talk, to say anything to Dee about how he was feeling, but couldn't. He wanted to hear Dee say that things would be all right but he couldn't. It was too soon. The way his distant uncle Nevan had told him was too cruel. He was in total shock, his mind numb. He couldn't even force his brain to work. Those words on the telephone were so cold.
"Sorry to be the one to tell you, but Elena and that no good husband of hers died this weekend, in a car crash... Both dead, that's for sure... Don't know what to tell you about their brat... Didn't hear about any baby's corpse!... Maybe she's with that Evelen.... Evelen was bawling about something on the phone, about you being the person with custody to Arianne. I'm sorry if you are the brat's legal guardian."
He was too weak, too shocked. He settled himself on the floor, and just stared at the clean white tiles. They connected in strange diamonds, all around him. Elena and Rick dead... it couldn't be...
After fifteen minutes of lying semi-conscious in Dee's arms, Ryo finally spoke. “Dee, I'm just so tired...” he said in a low voice.
“Do you- do you want me to take you to bed?” Dee asked softly, his voice soft, as though Ryo would break with loud noise. When the smaller man nodded, Dee all but picked him up. Ryo seemed so light and his breathing was so slow. Could grief really do this to someone? Or was it just the shock?
Dee quietly set Ryo down on his bed, and threw back the blankets. He slowly pulled off Ryo's clothes, and replaced them with some pajamas from his drawer. When he was sure that Ryo was comfortable, he looked into his lover's eyes. He was in shock, that was for sure. He'd seen it enough, being years trained for this type of emotional trauma. It was worse in Ryo's dark eyes still, because of the way Dee loved him.
“Why you?” Dee asked, a tremor running through his chest. He was honestly worried. He'd never seen Ryo this way... broken down.
He pulled the blankets over Ryo's unmoving, soundless form. Time ticked by, as he stared at the beautiful body, tears welling up in his eyes. It had only been about an hour since he'd found Ryo crashed on the floor, the broken telephone shattered besides him. He didn't fully understand anything and it was awful. “Come on Dee...” came a soft spoken voice.
Dee blinked, turning his head sharply. Ryo had called him. “What is it?” Dee gulped, when the painful words game out of his mouth. “What do you need?”
“Get in here,” Ryo whispered softly, and then fell back into the shocked slumber. He didn't seem to be responding again, so Dee edged into the soft blanket, and pressed his body against Ryo. He was shaking terribly. Dee tried to still it, but it was to nothing, and Ryo jerked and turned around to where his back was facing Dee. The man stared at the form, fear inside of him at being shut out. He knew it was stupid to be afraid, when Ryo had only known of these deaths a little more than an hour, but he was afraid anyway. Dee had known plenty of death in his life, but had never seen it reacted to in such a way.
-.-.-
Five hours later, Dee was still awake, though it seemed that Ryo had drifted to a half sleeping state. He gently rubbed Ryo's back, feeling the other man breath deeply. He wondered if Ryo could actually be sleeping, and in so much pain. He pulled back the blankets away from the sweat covered body, and smiled at it amazed. Ryo would always be so strong.
The night was long, and neither of them really slept. Dee was so worried about Ryo, that he could barely move his eyes away from the turned back. And the shock was too much for Ryo ... he could barely move. Finally, Ryo's alarm clock went off, and the radio started playing a loud rock song.
"Dee, I told you a million times," Ryo mumbled in a routine voice. "Set it to alarm three, the buzzer. I don't need this loud stuff in the morning."
Dee looked at Ryo in amazement. It was as though everything was normal, and the last night had not been slow horror for the both of them. Ryo pulled things together- and a little too quickly. He wondered how much of a nasty shock today would be on poor Ryo. He was liable to fall apart, the way he acted. Being with Ryo for years had taught Dee one thing... if Ryo acted okay, he wasn't.
"Sure, whatever you want," he replied, barely a whisper.
Ryo waited for Dee to leave the room, but the dark haired man remained, staring at him like he would break. He felt an odd fluttering inside of him, that was thankful for the concern. Yet it ate at him as badly as the shock Uncle Nevan had gave when he called last night, and carelessly announced the deaths of the family outcasts. He didn't want Dee worried - he was strong and he could handle it. "Come on, let's go," Ryo said brightly. "It's already eight! You know what kind of havoc those children could have been wrecking by now."
"Yeah..." Dee said quietly, wondering what was really happening. He followed the other man into the front room of the house, still done neatly from last night's dinner. Ryo and Dee both ignored it, and walked right past it, to find Bikky sitting quietly in the front room.
"Hey!" he said the moment he saw the two men awake. "What's up with all of this stuff in the front room?"
Ryo moved to answer, but Dee was quick to put a hand to his arm and take the pressure off of him. He smirked suggestively, "Would you like me to tell you?"
"No!" snapped the blonde teenager, his face contorted at the idea of hearing another one of Dee's exaggerated tales. "No big deal. Not -that- important."
Ryo walked around the room, wafting confused and dazed. Dee looked on in curiosity. It was obvious that Bikky had picked up on whatever was going down as well, and the tension levels started to rise. Ryo sat down on the sofa, and Bikky eyed Dee quizzically. Dee shot an annoyed gaze at the child, and smile forcefully, "Go on and sit down Bikky. I'll cook something up for you two."
Dee walked into the kitchen, looking back through the door nervously. Ryo was on the sofa, not speaking to Bikky, who looked on terrified. He paid no attention as he made the food, mixing up oatmeal for them. It wasn't as if he was the chef... he mused silently, that without Ryo both he and Bikky would starve. He laughed at his own joke, realizing that it eased the tension in his body.
He returned several moments later, carrying food. He handed one of the bowls to each of them, and sat down with his own food. Nobody said a single word for a long time. The silence just about broke Dee down. "How ya doing?" he finally asked Ryo, his voice barely coming out.
"I'm fine," the light haired man seemed to mumble, his eyes suddenly cast down towards his food. Ryo didn't want to talk to Dee. He would rather be in this horrible awkward silence, then talk to Dee. Dee would try to be some kind of macho, comforting him. He really didn't want that type of confrontation with his feelings - especially in front of Bikky. He had to find a way to think clearly. " I'm sorry if you are the brat's legal guardian." That was what Nevan had said. He knew for a fact that Rick and Elena had specified him as a legal guardian in their wills.
He didn't want to confess how he was feeling. He didn't want to feel anything!
Soon, he was taken back to the world of feelings, when he heard Dee's subdued voice tell Bikky to go up to his room and get dressed. Wordlessly, the young teen obeyed, making Ryo feel a strong respect for Dee that he never had felt before. "Listen Ryo," Dee said softly, looking him in the eye, making him duck away from the gaze. "I know it's in your personality to hold things in, and I would never try and change that... but ..."
Dee did not want to sound intelligent, or in any way patronizing. He did not know what Ryo was going through. Sure, he'd experienced many life altering deaths, but he didn't react the same way as his partner. He couldn't find the words. "Never mind it Ryo," he said shaking his head, and stood up to take the man into his arms.
Ryo gasped at Dee's quick embrace. "Dee you don't have to!"
"I know." Dee quickly let go of Ryo, and walked over towards the kitchen. "I call us both in on personal emergency, okay? We've built up a few vacation days this year."
Just as Dee's left hand pushed at the doorknob, Ryo spoke loudly. "Don't do that," Ryo said quickly. "No... there's no reason for not working. We both have second shift today and we should be there."
Dee felt a slight stabbing inside him, as Ryo once again tried to avoid the truth of what had happened to him. He had to take some form of control. "Please?" he asked calmly. "It's Saturday, Bike's home from school, and we should stay together. It's too much stress after..." But he stopped. He did not want to say anything about the deaths in Ryo's family, when Ryo himself was not yet ready to acknowledge them as real.
"Whatever," Ryo said, nodding, annoyed. He stamped off towards the bedroom. "I'm going to at least dress myself properly, okay?"
Dee stared astonished. Yet he forced himself to make the call to the twenty seventh precinct. He knew that his lover had a unique way of dealing with a lot of things - hate, anger, love... but it was now obvious that he dealt with grief oddly as well.
Several seconds later, Bikky came pounding back into the front room. The kid's expression immediately got to Dee, before Bikky even started speaking. "What the heck is wrong with him?!?"
"Calm down," Dee said softly, unable to deal with his former worst nightmare. "Just calm down all right!"
"Then tell me what's wrong!"
"Okay, okay..." Dee said quietly. He did not feel prepared for the usual round of fighting. "Man, I'm surprised a little brat like you picked up on this so fast."
"Of course I did," the kid said sarcastically. "He doesn't tell nobody how he feels 'bout something."
"Wow." Dee could admit that he was honestly shocked. It had taken him years to figure that about Ryo, yet this kid seemed to have known for a long time. He had to explain, "His only close family members were killed the other night in a car crash."
For a moment, everything seemed to go silent again, as Dee watched Bikky think over the situation. "You okay kid?" he asked.
"Sure," Bikky replied. "It just makes sense ,doesn't it? It's not like I don't know what it's like. A lot of people died back where I used to live. I felt the same way he probably does."
Dee was curious now, as to how the kid felt about this. "Ryo brought you in when you were really young. You knew that many?"
"Of course," replied the teenager. "How do you forget?"
Dee muttered softly, a bit surprised. Bikky was really a sharp kid, for such and arrogant little street punk. He picked up on things really fast now. He smiled, knowing that there had been one good influence, responsible for that - Ryo. "We'll just watch out for him, and try to play along," Dee said silently, as the door to Ryo's room burst open, and a fully dressed Ryo emerged.
"So, what do you assume we do now?" Ryo asked, his voice betraying his usually kind nature.
Dee knew Bikky's eyes were locked on him, expecting him to do something to help out. It was funny how the child who hated him most, depended on him now to keep things running smoothly. "We'll stay here, together," Dee said, standing close to Ryo. He gently planted a kiss onto the side of Ryo's face. "We'll do whatever you want us to do, okay?"
Ryo nodded, his cheerfulness painful. He thoughts were spinning. 'You know what I want?' he thought, ' I want to be normal. I want you both to stop. Stop looking at me. They're gone already, and I may be Ari's parent! This is... this is too much.'
Then, when Dee backed off, his newly adopted teenaged son, moved closer to him. The boy's hand reached out and touched Ryo's shoulder. "I'm gonna go," he said respectfully, "and leave you alone. Try to talk while I'm gone."
"Bikky what do you..." Ryo started.
"Remember what you told me, 'bout my dad." Bikky walked out of the house, and Dee nodded, approving. The tough teenager was a lot like him. He wouldn't admit to keeping good words with him, but he could leave them for Ryo to take along.
As soon as the door slammed, Dee sat down. "Kid's not half bad," he mumbled, grinning.
Ryo nodded, wiping at a tear threatening his eyes. His heart stopped. He felt comfortable, safe even. He wished Dee would not do that! He didn't want to feel safe, because it made him betray how he was feeling to Dee. He just wanted it inside.
And what Bikky had said...
Both of them were so brutally honest, so open to all of their emotions. They terrified him sometimes. "Yeah Dee," he mumbled, and sat on the sofa next to his lover, sighing. Dee leaned against him, dropping his head down to Ryo's shoulder, and silently whispering.
"He's a good kid that's for sure," Dee whispered. "You really had us both in worried, y know?"
"I'm a lucky person," Ryo sniffed. "I'm sorry for making you hurt. I couldn't ask for a better family... but Dee, I admit that I am scared."
"It's okay to be scared, Ryo," Dee said smiling slightly, and brushing away the hair from Ryo's face. "It is."
"I didn't get enough information either..." Ryo groaned. "I mean it's enough that their gone, but Nevan didn't even tell me - if they were having a funeral... or if their daughter is alive. Who's raising the kid ... and how's everything back upstate going - without Elena. I don't want to do this Dee. I want to pretend it's not real. I'm not even worried about my family – I hate them all. I just want to know how Elena's best friend Evelen and her baby Ari are doing. Dee, Nevan said that Evelen was crying to him about how Elena left the girl to me. I am listed as a legal guardian in the case of their dying."
“No,” Dee said harshly. "One obstacle at a time. First your aunt and uncle, and then their kid." Of course he was worried as well, about the responsibility in Ryo's future. Fathering his aunt and uncle's baby could very well be in the future...
Ryo leaned into Dee's chest, an in an instant he was okay with opening up. He buried his face in the soft material of Dee's shirt, and tried to relax his trembling heart. Words of advice, the words Bikky had spoken of... played through his mind.
Don't keep things bottled up inside. Then there was another piece of advice that Dee and Bikky knew nothing of. The advice Elena had given him at his parent's funeral. She seemed so smart, yet he hadn't wanted to let go of his emotions to her either. Yet he did. "It's not good to hold back, when the only thing you want to do is cry." Finally, he tried at giving in.
He dropped down, and Dee could feel his heart slow down. Ryo looked up at him with teary eyes. Ryo gasped, his chest heaving as he tried to talk. "I'm sorry for making the morning miserable. I won't hold back this time." And he did what Elena said was right, when in pain. He cried. He cried in worry... he cried in frustration... and he cried in sadness.
'What if...' his relentlessly aching mind continued on. 'What if they died, leaving their baby Arianne to defend herself in my family? What if Ari needs me to come in and pull her out of that place. I'll have to call Evelen if she doesn't call me. I need to keep that child safe. I need to... do something.
Author: Kayla
Summary: After the unexpected deaths of his aunt and uncle, Ryo is forced into the emotional responsibility of giving their daughter - what they had given him. Dee and Ryo both are forced to understand what it means to be a father.
Disclaimer: Sanami Matoh owns FAKE.
Rating: PG-13
Archive: Please, if you'd like to have it on your site - by all means do. Please email me though, to let me know where it is.
Author's Note: Song title comes from the Anthony Stewart Head song, "Babies." And yet it still sucks. I am the master of awful titles.
- - - -
It was dark, but a warm light illuminated the room, owing to several tiny candles that had been lit to add to the effect of the dinner. Curtains were drawn, not allowing the motion filled buzzing of New York City to be in any way noticeable. As romantic as it all was, neither of the two men in the room, could honestly say that the lighting was adding or subtracting from their night. The living room had been set up like a refined dining room.
“So,” Dee began slowly, trying not to let the conversation he was having with his lover die. He was never one for total silence, because... he had a controlling nature, and noise was more manageable then quiet. “What'cha been thinking about all of those office romances we've got going on at work? I think we've become the precinct of love nowadays.”
His light haired partner laughed slightly. “I know. Everyone wants a piece of someone in there. They're all animals.”
“Well, luckily I was the first animal to get the first piece,” Dee yawned out the words, smirking. He was not even trying to be serious anymore. Things were just so relaxed with Ryo lately, that he was loving every moment of it. How long had he been waiting to come to this point? The point where they could relax, and joke with each other? Hearing Ryo laugh, that was the greatest thing in the world. “Actually you're right, they're all pigs like me ... except maybe Drake and JJ, I think that could work.”
Ryo was not one to gossip. He had been taught as a boy, that it was the wrong behavior, and it didn't hold up to his ethics even now. There was something wrong with talking about other people's personal lives. He had always been so nervous that people were talking about him; at least when he was younger, and a little more insecure. Yet now he was curious to hear what Dee had to say. The office romances were interesting, to say the least. “You think so?” he asked, hoping Dee might continue.
“Yeah,” Dee said, in a laid back manner. “It gets JJ off my back... and Drake actually has stuck with someone for over- erm- three weeks now. It's a modern miracle."
“Hehe ... I hope that it does work,” Ryo said silently. “The others are just quick things. But I don't know why they'd choose to have their brief relationships where they work. It's too private... I would rather...”
“Oh,” Dee taunted, grinning. “Has my itty-bitty Ryo had some experience with the quick fling or two?”
Ryo shook his head, reddening. Dee burst out, but quickly contained himself from laughing. “Never mind," he said, trying not to say anything stupid. "Don't worry about it- no prying coming from me."
Then all at once, the telephone rang. The loud, irritating bell rang out from Ryo's kitchen, making Dee cringe. “I hate telephones!” he complained. “Why do they always interrupt the best moments? When we move in together, then I will ban you from EVER carrying one of those unholy, devil made things. I've already told most people to only call me in emergencies. I've got to unplug that thing sooner or later." Dee smiled proud of his accomplishments against the offensive invention.
“Aw c'mon,” Ryo said gently and bent over to quickly kiss the side of Dee's face, before turning away to go answer the call of the loud ringing.
“Hurry up Ryo ...” Dee whispered. “It's been three hours since I've jumped you and I'm eager...”
“Shut up Romeo, and let me answer the phone... I'll be right back!” Ryo yelled this from the kitchen. Dee chuckled politely, taking a slow sip of the deep red liquid in his glass. Ryo's place was so nice compared to his, but so much smaller. Yet it was the perfect place to be together. And Ryo, who was supposed to be so reserved and practical – had lit all of these candles, and moved all the furniture. Truth was – his Ryo was as much as a silly romantic as he was .
He was overjoyed that he'd finally gotten everything he wanted from his relationship with Ryo. From the minute the young man had walked into the Chief's office, he knew that something was going to happen between them. He honestly didn't know the nature of it – and at sometimes had screwed things up so badly with his immaturity, his lies, and his desire for his partner. Yet they were here... were they not?
“Where is that totally inconsiderate man anyway?” he asked, when he stared at the wall clock to realize that Ryo had been in the kitchen, on the phone for over ten minutes. Ryo was very considerate of other's, so something was up. “Hmm... guess I'll have to get him all by myself.”
Dee stood up and walked from the table set in the living room, to the walled off kitchen area. It was perfectly dark, as though Ryo had never even turned on a light to answer the phone. Dee flicked the switch, and almost yelled out in shock.
Ryo was curled up on the floor, in the corner. He was sitting upright, staring at the floor, holding his knees to his chest. . “Ryo ... what's wrong?” Dee asked, concerned, moving towards his partner rapidly.
There seemed to be a barrier, holding him back from getting to Ryo. He was helpless, and could do nothing to help whatever this was. There was no sound, or sufficient air in the room and everything felt hollow. Ryo's jet black eyes were blank, and Dee's stomach twisted just watching him like this. Why was time stilling all of a sudden? “There's no way...” Ryo whispered, pressing his head against his knees. “They don't deserve... and Ari doesn't either. Is she even alive?” It was apparent that Ryo was thinking aloud, a habit of his own, and Dee was not in his mindset. He probably couldn't even see the man hovering next to him. Ryo continued to rant on in broken speech : “The other man... he was severely intoxicated... Rick's a great driver, perfect record. Not a chance... nuh uh. No way are they gone, it's a complete lie."
Then everything clicked in Dee's mind. He could picture an image from a few months back. Ryo had been talking to him, about how his aunt and uncle were visiting, as they had three months earlier. “I mean, you'll love them Dee. They are just the perfect people, but don't let Elena catch anyone calling her perfect. What other person could ask for the most perfect godparents, in his aunt and uncle? And their baby Ari, Dee, she's the prettiest kid ever.”
That was it. A driver under the influence, Ryo's aunt and uncle, the fate of Ari – who happened to be the couple's baby daughter of recent. Dee knew, and felt the barrier stronger than ever when he realized the damage. Ryo's aunt and uncle had to be dead.
Suddenly he lost all respect for Ryo's mental privacy. Seeing Ryo sitting there, his body drawn closed, while he shook and whined in pain, was too much. Trembling himself, Dee shattered the wall between them and rushed Ryo straight into his arms. He gripped Ryo as tightly as his body possibly could hold. Ryo's rough clothing brushed him, so he only squeezed tighter. Dee couldn't speak to him.
“I don't understand what Uncle Nevan said!” Ryo burst out hysterically, suddenly violently thrashing out of Dee's arms. Dee held tight though, and Ryo gave up panting the words, “Let me go.”
“Do you want me to?” Dee asked softly, moving to leave, but Ryo latched onto him.
“Stay,” Ryo panicked, his heart thumping against Dee. Dee could feel the beating against him, as it ran through both of them. Then it slowed alarmingly, and Ryo went slack in his arms, lying against his chest. Everything halted, leaving Dee in a slow moving horror. He felt a little helpless, but it still was as though nobody had died. There was no sadness here, just horror stricken men.
Ryo wanted to talk, to say anything to Dee about how he was feeling, but couldn't. He wanted to hear Dee say that things would be all right but he couldn't. It was too soon. The way his distant uncle Nevan had told him was too cruel. He was in total shock, his mind numb. He couldn't even force his brain to work. Those words on the telephone were so cold.
"Sorry to be the one to tell you, but Elena and that no good husband of hers died this weekend, in a car crash... Both dead, that's for sure... Don't know what to tell you about their brat... Didn't hear about any baby's corpse!... Maybe she's with that Evelen.... Evelen was bawling about something on the phone, about you being the person with custody to Arianne. I'm sorry if you are the brat's legal guardian."
He was too weak, too shocked. He settled himself on the floor, and just stared at the clean white tiles. They connected in strange diamonds, all around him. Elena and Rick dead... it couldn't be...
After fifteen minutes of lying semi-conscious in Dee's arms, Ryo finally spoke. “Dee, I'm just so tired...” he said in a low voice.
“Do you- do you want me to take you to bed?” Dee asked softly, his voice soft, as though Ryo would break with loud noise. When the smaller man nodded, Dee all but picked him up. Ryo seemed so light and his breathing was so slow. Could grief really do this to someone? Or was it just the shock?
Dee quietly set Ryo down on his bed, and threw back the blankets. He slowly pulled off Ryo's clothes, and replaced them with some pajamas from his drawer. When he was sure that Ryo was comfortable, he looked into his lover's eyes. He was in shock, that was for sure. He'd seen it enough, being years trained for this type of emotional trauma. It was worse in Ryo's dark eyes still, because of the way Dee loved him.
“Why you?” Dee asked, a tremor running through his chest. He was honestly worried. He'd never seen Ryo this way... broken down.
He pulled the blankets over Ryo's unmoving, soundless form. Time ticked by, as he stared at the beautiful body, tears welling up in his eyes. It had only been about an hour since he'd found Ryo crashed on the floor, the broken telephone shattered besides him. He didn't fully understand anything and it was awful. “Come on Dee...” came a soft spoken voice.
Dee blinked, turning his head sharply. Ryo had called him. “What is it?” Dee gulped, when the painful words game out of his mouth. “What do you need?”
“Get in here,” Ryo whispered softly, and then fell back into the shocked slumber. He didn't seem to be responding again, so Dee edged into the soft blanket, and pressed his body against Ryo. He was shaking terribly. Dee tried to still it, but it was to nothing, and Ryo jerked and turned around to where his back was facing Dee. The man stared at the form, fear inside of him at being shut out. He knew it was stupid to be afraid, when Ryo had only known of these deaths a little more than an hour, but he was afraid anyway. Dee had known plenty of death in his life, but had never seen it reacted to in such a way.
-.-.-
Five hours later, Dee was still awake, though it seemed that Ryo had drifted to a half sleeping state. He gently rubbed Ryo's back, feeling the other man breath deeply. He wondered if Ryo could actually be sleeping, and in so much pain. He pulled back the blankets away from the sweat covered body, and smiled at it amazed. Ryo would always be so strong.
The night was long, and neither of them really slept. Dee was so worried about Ryo, that he could barely move his eyes away from the turned back. And the shock was too much for Ryo ... he could barely move. Finally, Ryo's alarm clock went off, and the radio started playing a loud rock song.
"Dee, I told you a million times," Ryo mumbled in a routine voice. "Set it to alarm three, the buzzer. I don't need this loud stuff in the morning."
Dee looked at Ryo in amazement. It was as though everything was normal, and the last night had not been slow horror for the both of them. Ryo pulled things together- and a little too quickly. He wondered how much of a nasty shock today would be on poor Ryo. He was liable to fall apart, the way he acted. Being with Ryo for years had taught Dee one thing... if Ryo acted okay, he wasn't.
"Sure, whatever you want," he replied, barely a whisper.
Ryo waited for Dee to leave the room, but the dark haired man remained, staring at him like he would break. He felt an odd fluttering inside of him, that was thankful for the concern. Yet it ate at him as badly as the shock Uncle Nevan had gave when he called last night, and carelessly announced the deaths of the family outcasts. He didn't want Dee worried - he was strong and he could handle it. "Come on, let's go," Ryo said brightly. "It's already eight! You know what kind of havoc those children could have been wrecking by now."
"Yeah..." Dee said quietly, wondering what was really happening. He followed the other man into the front room of the house, still done neatly from last night's dinner. Ryo and Dee both ignored it, and walked right past it, to find Bikky sitting quietly in the front room.
"Hey!" he said the moment he saw the two men awake. "What's up with all of this stuff in the front room?"
Ryo moved to answer, but Dee was quick to put a hand to his arm and take the pressure off of him. He smirked suggestively, "Would you like me to tell you?"
"No!" snapped the blonde teenager, his face contorted at the idea of hearing another one of Dee's exaggerated tales. "No big deal. Not -that- important."
Ryo walked around the room, wafting confused and dazed. Dee looked on in curiosity. It was obvious that Bikky had picked up on whatever was going down as well, and the tension levels started to rise. Ryo sat down on the sofa, and Bikky eyed Dee quizzically. Dee shot an annoyed gaze at the child, and smile forcefully, "Go on and sit down Bikky. I'll cook something up for you two."
Dee walked into the kitchen, looking back through the door nervously. Ryo was on the sofa, not speaking to Bikky, who looked on terrified. He paid no attention as he made the food, mixing up oatmeal for them. It wasn't as if he was the chef... he mused silently, that without Ryo both he and Bikky would starve. He laughed at his own joke, realizing that it eased the tension in his body.
He returned several moments later, carrying food. He handed one of the bowls to each of them, and sat down with his own food. Nobody said a single word for a long time. The silence just about broke Dee down. "How ya doing?" he finally asked Ryo, his voice barely coming out.
"I'm fine," the light haired man seemed to mumble, his eyes suddenly cast down towards his food. Ryo didn't want to talk to Dee. He would rather be in this horrible awkward silence, then talk to Dee. Dee would try to be some kind of macho, comforting him. He really didn't want that type of confrontation with his feelings - especially in front of Bikky. He had to find a way to think clearly. " I'm sorry if you are the brat's legal guardian." That was what Nevan had said. He knew for a fact that Rick and Elena had specified him as a legal guardian in their wills.
He didn't want to confess how he was feeling. He didn't want to feel anything!
Soon, he was taken back to the world of feelings, when he heard Dee's subdued voice tell Bikky to go up to his room and get dressed. Wordlessly, the young teen obeyed, making Ryo feel a strong respect for Dee that he never had felt before. "Listen Ryo," Dee said softly, looking him in the eye, making him duck away from the gaze. "I know it's in your personality to hold things in, and I would never try and change that... but ..."
Dee did not want to sound intelligent, or in any way patronizing. He did not know what Ryo was going through. Sure, he'd experienced many life altering deaths, but he didn't react the same way as his partner. He couldn't find the words. "Never mind it Ryo," he said shaking his head, and stood up to take the man into his arms.
Ryo gasped at Dee's quick embrace. "Dee you don't have to!"
"I know." Dee quickly let go of Ryo, and walked over towards the kitchen. "I call us both in on personal emergency, okay? We've built up a few vacation days this year."
Just as Dee's left hand pushed at the doorknob, Ryo spoke loudly. "Don't do that," Ryo said quickly. "No... there's no reason for not working. We both have second shift today and we should be there."
Dee felt a slight stabbing inside him, as Ryo once again tried to avoid the truth of what had happened to him. He had to take some form of control. "Please?" he asked calmly. "It's Saturday, Bike's home from school, and we should stay together. It's too much stress after..." But he stopped. He did not want to say anything about the deaths in Ryo's family, when Ryo himself was not yet ready to acknowledge them as real.
"Whatever," Ryo said, nodding, annoyed. He stamped off towards the bedroom. "I'm going to at least dress myself properly, okay?"
Dee stared astonished. Yet he forced himself to make the call to the twenty seventh precinct. He knew that his lover had a unique way of dealing with a lot of things - hate, anger, love... but it was now obvious that he dealt with grief oddly as well.
Several seconds later, Bikky came pounding back into the front room. The kid's expression immediately got to Dee, before Bikky even started speaking. "What the heck is wrong with him?!?"
"Calm down," Dee said softly, unable to deal with his former worst nightmare. "Just calm down all right!"
"Then tell me what's wrong!"
"Okay, okay..." Dee said quietly. He did not feel prepared for the usual round of fighting. "Man, I'm surprised a little brat like you picked up on this so fast."
"Of course I did," the kid said sarcastically. "He doesn't tell nobody how he feels 'bout something."
"Wow." Dee could admit that he was honestly shocked. It had taken him years to figure that about Ryo, yet this kid seemed to have known for a long time. He had to explain, "His only close family members were killed the other night in a car crash."
For a moment, everything seemed to go silent again, as Dee watched Bikky think over the situation. "You okay kid?" he asked.
"Sure," Bikky replied. "It just makes sense ,doesn't it? It's not like I don't know what it's like. A lot of people died back where I used to live. I felt the same way he probably does."
Dee was curious now, as to how the kid felt about this. "Ryo brought you in when you were really young. You knew that many?"
"Of course," replied the teenager. "How do you forget?"
Dee muttered softly, a bit surprised. Bikky was really a sharp kid, for such and arrogant little street punk. He picked up on things really fast now. He smiled, knowing that there had been one good influence, responsible for that - Ryo. "We'll just watch out for him, and try to play along," Dee said silently, as the door to Ryo's room burst open, and a fully dressed Ryo emerged.
"So, what do you assume we do now?" Ryo asked, his voice betraying his usually kind nature.
Dee knew Bikky's eyes were locked on him, expecting him to do something to help out. It was funny how the child who hated him most, depended on him now to keep things running smoothly. "We'll stay here, together," Dee said, standing close to Ryo. He gently planted a kiss onto the side of Ryo's face. "We'll do whatever you want us to do, okay?"
Ryo nodded, his cheerfulness painful. He thoughts were spinning. 'You know what I want?' he thought, ' I want to be normal. I want you both to stop. Stop looking at me. They're gone already, and I may be Ari's parent! This is... this is too much.'
Then, when Dee backed off, his newly adopted teenaged son, moved closer to him. The boy's hand reached out and touched Ryo's shoulder. "I'm gonna go," he said respectfully, "and leave you alone. Try to talk while I'm gone."
"Bikky what do you..." Ryo started.
"Remember what you told me, 'bout my dad." Bikky walked out of the house, and Dee nodded, approving. The tough teenager was a lot like him. He wouldn't admit to keeping good words with him, but he could leave them for Ryo to take along.
As soon as the door slammed, Dee sat down. "Kid's not half bad," he mumbled, grinning.
Ryo nodded, wiping at a tear threatening his eyes. His heart stopped. He felt comfortable, safe even. He wished Dee would not do that! He didn't want to feel safe, because it made him betray how he was feeling to Dee. He just wanted it inside.
And what Bikky had said...
Both of them were so brutally honest, so open to all of their emotions. They terrified him sometimes. "Yeah Dee," he mumbled, and sat on the sofa next to his lover, sighing. Dee leaned against him, dropping his head down to Ryo's shoulder, and silently whispering.
"He's a good kid that's for sure," Dee whispered. "You really had us both in worried, y know?"
"I'm a lucky person," Ryo sniffed. "I'm sorry for making you hurt. I couldn't ask for a better family... but Dee, I admit that I am scared."
"It's okay to be scared, Ryo," Dee said smiling slightly, and brushing away the hair from Ryo's face. "It is."
"I didn't get enough information either..." Ryo groaned. "I mean it's enough that their gone, but Nevan didn't even tell me - if they were having a funeral... or if their daughter is alive. Who's raising the kid ... and how's everything back upstate going - without Elena. I don't want to do this Dee. I want to pretend it's not real. I'm not even worried about my family – I hate them all. I just want to know how Elena's best friend Evelen and her baby Ari are doing. Dee, Nevan said that Evelen was crying to him about how Elena left the girl to me. I am listed as a legal guardian in the case of their dying."
“No,” Dee said harshly. "One obstacle at a time. First your aunt and uncle, and then their kid." Of course he was worried as well, about the responsibility in Ryo's future. Fathering his aunt and uncle's baby could very well be in the future...
Ryo leaned into Dee's chest, an in an instant he was okay with opening up. He buried his face in the soft material of Dee's shirt, and tried to relax his trembling heart. Words of advice, the words Bikky had spoken of... played through his mind.
Don't keep things bottled up inside. Then there was another piece of advice that Dee and Bikky knew nothing of. The advice Elena had given him at his parent's funeral. She seemed so smart, yet he hadn't wanted to let go of his emotions to her either. Yet he did. "It's not good to hold back, when the only thing you want to do is cry." Finally, he tried at giving in.
He dropped down, and Dee could feel his heart slow down. Ryo looked up at him with teary eyes. Ryo gasped, his chest heaving as he tried to talk. "I'm sorry for making the morning miserable. I won't hold back this time." And he did what Elena said was right, when in pain. He cried. He cried in worry... he cried in frustration... and he cried in sadness.
'What if...' his relentlessly aching mind continued on. 'What if they died, leaving their baby Arianne to defend herself in my family? What if Ari needs me to come in and pull her out of that place. I'll have to call Evelen if she doesn't call me. I need to keep that child safe. I need to... do something.