Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Only Hope ❯ Pleas ( Chapter 8 )

Dee vents his frustration to a power only a step higher than Mother Maria Lane. It centers on religion just a tad, so be warned if this is a touchy subject for you. Then again, this is FAKE…where isn't it touchy? ;-)

 

Dee stood outside and smoked like crazy, but the nicotine did nothing to calm his nerves.

 

`God…what if he doesn't…NO I can't think that way…I won't!' He thought frighteningly. The grim news of Ryo's emergency and the possible outcomes were racing through his mind. The thought that his partner, his best friend, his lover could lose his leg or even worse…die…were hard to suppress.

 

But one thought was certain, as he stood there and lit another cigarette. If Ryo did end up losing his leg, that wouldn't change his love for him. If anything, the strength that he knew Ryo would use to make it through would only make him love him more. That idea wasn't as scary as the though of losing Ryo permanently, Dee knew that he wouldn't be able to make it. He had already lost so many people he cared about, that this would be the final blow.

 

Dee finally stopped, backed up against a wall, and smacked his head against it. It wasn't fair! All Dee wanted was to be with Ryo, why did that have to be so damn hard? As if Rose, the chief, JJ, even Bikky make life hard for them enough, now this!?

 

Dee looked up into the starry night sky.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME HUH!?” He yelled. Okay, maybe it was a little odd he was pissed at the holy being Mother had always said watched over him and cared for him, but come on, what else could be the reason he couldn't enjoy being with the man he loved.

 

“LISTEN UP YOU BASTARD!” Dee yelled shakily. “IF THIS IS SOME PERSONAL VENDETTA YOU GOT WITH ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T GO TO CHURCH ENOUGH, OR DISOBEYED MOTHER ALOT, OR HELL BECAUSE I AM BI THEN DO IT WITH ME, NOT RYO!!

 

Dee felt his knees weaken and he slid to the ground. If Mother had heard him now she probably would have pulled his ear until she ripped it off. Dee may not have been very religious, but he didn't know what else to do? Why is it when everything was going good something always fucked it up? He needed to find some answers.

 

“Look.” He said more calmly as he tilted his head up trying to fight off the tears. “I know I have fucked up enough in my life. I know I have been a good for nothing son of a bitch who shouldn't be a cop and who doesn't deserve people like Mother and Ryo, but you know that I try my best to do good. And that man on that operating table is the man I love with my whole heart and soul. I have never felt this way before with anyone and I don't want to lose it! What we do can't be so wrong or else why would he have come to me? Why would he love me? Why would we have this incredible relationship?”

 

Dee stifled a sob.

 

“Dammit, don't take him. He's not ready yet and I sure as hell ain't and neither is Bikky. Please if you let him live, I'll spend every waking moment doing everything I can to make him happy. I'll quit smoking, I'll be nicer to the brat…er…Bikky…I'll visit Mother and the orphans more, just please let us be together. It's not a sin that I truly honestly love Ryo with all my heart. I know you hear me!!”

 

Wiping his tear stained face with his jacket sleeve he uttered a pitiful “please?” and finally broke down burying his head in arms crying for his beloved. He needed to let it all go, all the pain and emotion of the past twenty fours had taken its toll. He had longed to be in Ryo's arms and tell him how much he loved him. Ryo was always good at that, being able to take the pain. Just by holding him and giving that beautiful smile, even crying along with him because the emotion would affect even him would always cheer up even the saddest heart. He was just that caring.

 

Finally, after ten minutes of releasing his pain Dee stood up and brushed the dirt off of his jeans. He reached for another cigarette and took out his silver lighter. His reflection in the smooth metal told him he would have to make a quick trip to the men's room to wash his face. His eyes were bloodshot and his nose and cheeks were red, but in the end it had been a good release.

 

He walked back into the hospital and almost collided with Carol.

 

“DEE!!!

 

“CAROL!?”

 

“Dr. Madison is back.” She said panting. He needs to speak to us! Bikky is with him now!”

 

Without response, Dee raced with Carol at his heels to the surgery ward.