Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Redefining Heaven ❯ Tower of Babble ( Chapter 9 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: Irish

Disclaimer: Fake and all characters relating to Fake are not my intellectually property, I just borrow them. All new characters are the sole property of me and cannot be used in anyway with out my expressed written consent. Don't sue, I'm poor.

Redefining Heaven

Chapter Ten: Tower of Babble

By: Irish

Rated R

Warnings: Explicit Language, graphic violence, adult situations

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“Was there any change?” Ryo asked, stepping back in after being out for about two hours. He was carrying Starbucks and bagels, breakfast food, even though it was going on ten at night. Dee didn't care. He couldn't even remember what day it was. He had taken a break himself early that morning, Bikky's third day in the hospital. He had gone home and gotten his guitar, showered, then stalled out in the living room for a good twenty minutes. He didn't cry. Just sort of stopped, like a wind up toy that needed to be wound.

“He opened his eyes-”

Ryo gasped, and took two fast steps forward to look into Bikky's face. There was nothing to see, nothing new anyway.

“-but there wasn't anyone home. Just like the doctors said. His eyes didn't move even. They didn't even focus. Just a muscle twitch.” Dee finished with a sigh. He tried to get himself to move from his chair, to go over to Ryo, put his arms around him. He just couldn't summon the will though.

“Goddamnit!” Ryo spat, setting the food and coffee down, and giving the recently acquired second chair a kick. “Are you sure?”

“I know I'm dumb, but Jesus Ryo, a little credit?”

“I didn't say you were dumb!” Ryo snapped back, turning to glare at Dee. “Did you call a nurse or anything?”

“I didn't have a chance. It lasted... maybe thirty seconds. Trust me. I wanted it to be more as much as you do... but it wasn't, just a stupid fucking reflex, okay?” Dee rubbed at his temples. The unity he and Ryo had started this venture with had faded sometime that morning. He knew he should reach out, try and bridge the gap and fix things. they were both just so tired and worried. But he just couldn't.

“You're not a doctor, Dee! You're not even a college graduate! I don't think your in a position to make that kind of judgment call!” Ryo `appartment-shouted', a hiss that suggested he really wanted to be screaming at the top of his lungs, but was sparing any neighbors from their quarrel.

Dee recoiled a little, then looked away sharply. There was a flash of hurt in his eyes, but it was gone in a breath. The detective levered himself to his feet.

“Fine. You're right. What do I know? Not a fucking thing.” Dee grabbed his cigarettes from the window sill. “You can sit and watch and see what you see than. I'll just go fuck myself.” Dee brushed passed Ryo and out of the room, not looking at his partner.

Ryo watched him go, then smack himself in the forehead.

“Ryo, you idiot!” He hissed at himself. He hadn't been fighting fair, and he knew it. Dee didn't say things he didn't mean, and he didn't understand that sometimes others did. Ryo hadn't meant that. Denial wasn't just a river and Egypt, Ryo wanted Dee to be wrong in this, but he wasn't. Because Dee wasn't stupid, and Ryo trusted his word over anything the doctors said. If Dee said the lights were on, but no one was home... no one was home. Now, he had hurt Dee, and probably quite badly.

“Great. Fucking great. Bikky, your dad is the biggest idiot on the planet. I need a short bus.” Ryo looked over to his son, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, leaning down and kissing Bikky's brow, what of it was exposed, as Dee had done minutes ago. “Don't worry, Bikster. I'll apologize to him. It will be okay. We're just tired. You just rest, heal.”

Dee stalked outside, his stride stiff, lighting up the moment his foot crossed the threshold. His heart was hammering in his chest, too much coffee, too much worry, not enough sleep. The nicotine wasn't going to make it any better. He was too far gone to exhaustion for smoking to give him the illusion of calm and comfort.

He paced the courtyard, puffing on his cigarette absently, unable to keep still. If he sat down, he'd break down. His strength was holding by a thread, and Ryo wasn't going to comfort him any time soon. Dee didn't blame him. Dee could hardly stand to live in his own skin half the time. Why anyone would have anything to do with him at all, especially someone like Ryo, was more than he could understand. He was dumb. He was uneducated. And, he probably had been wrong. What did he know? He wasn't a doctor. As Ryo had reminded him, he didn't even have his Bachelors. Just a goddamned Associates.

“You're an idiot Laytner.” He hissed at himself, lighting up another smoke, the first gone way too fast. “There are chimps brighter than you!” Dee told himself in an agitated whisper. The diatribe at himself went on, even after he had fallen back to silent pacing. Reminding himself of every negative aspect of everything he had ever done in his entire life. And it was so much worse knowing Ryo agreed. If he worked hard enough at it, he was pretty sure he could figure out how World War One could some how also be his fault.

Dee smoked three cigarettes in quick succession, adding that to his list of Thing That Made Him a Horrible Person, before going back inside. Slinking back inside, actually. He stopped when he reached the door to Bikky's room, hesitantly poking his head inside, wondering how mad Ryo was at him, if he would be told to leave.

Ryo was just sitting quietly besides Bikky, one hand resting lightly over his, his laptop was in his lap and he was reading over some document or another, music playing quietly. Dee tried to creep in, but Ryo heard his sneakers on the hard floor and stood before Dee got to him.

“Ryo, I'm sorry-”

“No.” Ryo cut him off, shaking his head “You have no reason to be sorry, this was all me. Dee...” Ryo looked at his partner for a moment, lost. Every now and than communication between them became like trying to express complex ideas across a canyon, with only sun and mirrors. In a way, that's just what it was, Ryo supposed. The canyon being their difference in economic class, education, and extremely different life experiences. Sometimes he wondered how he and Dee communicated at all. At the moment, Dee was looking back at him, just as lost. Ryo opened his mouth to start again. He was so damned sorry for what he said, but it was too late to keep Dee from being hurt, and Dee would never accept his apology, because Dee was sure he was the one in the wrong.

Dee stared at his lover, feeling the gap between them like an actual physical thing. The reason they could communicate enough to have a relationship was because they had, since the day they met, been pulling in the same direction, looking the same way, wanting the same things. Family, stability, to make a difference in a world slowly going to hell. Their politics were similar, their strengths and weaknesses complimenting each other. They were partners before they were lovers. Right now they were pulling different ways in the traces, and unable to get it together and face the same direction again.

The dark haired detective closed his eyes, dropping his head back. `God, please...' he thought. `God please, give me strength.' It had been his life long mantra.

The song on Ryo's computer changed.

We'll do it all, everything, on our own. We don't need anything, or any one.

Ryo swallowed. This song was so perfect, just right, a song he and Dee had slow danced to many times, revolving slowly in the kitchen. So true to the both of them. He took a step closer to Dee, singing along hesitantly, knowing he sounded like a croaking toad compared to Dee, but wanting Dee to listen to the words, and understand what Ryo wanted to say.

“If I lay here, if I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world. I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel. Those three words are said to much, and not enough.”

The look in Ryo's eyes as he did his damnedest to carry a tune knotted Dee's throat. It was cheesy maybe, to sing a song, especially such a popular one, to your lover. It was building a bridge between them though, saying what neither of them had the words to. That they were both so determined to be strong. That sometimes saying `I love you' wasn't enough, but all they had.

If I lay here, if I just lay here. Would you lie with me, and just forget the world. Forget what were told, before we get too old. Show me a garden that's bursting into life.

Dee took up Ryo's hand and brought it to his shoulder, drawing his partner into his arms, starting to revolve slowly in the tight confines of the hospital room. Ryo came into his arms easily, laying his head on Dee's other shoulder, reaching up with his other hand to caress his dark hair when Dee rested his head against Ryo's own. Dee picked up the next verse, and nearly brought tears to Ryo's eyes.

“Lets waste time, chasing cars, around our heads. I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own. If I lay here, if I just lay here. Would you lay with me, and just forget the world.”

They were both tired, stressed to the end of their respective endurance's, and their son wasn't getting better. Almost everything that could go wrong in the world, seemed to have done so in the last seventy two hours, culminating with their little fight.

Forget what we're told, before we get too old. Show me a garden that's bursting into life. All that I am, all that I ever was, was here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see.

So they slow danced quietly, reconnecting through the unspoken, the simpler language of touch. Dee felt his hurts soothed, the tight ball of tension and panic he had been so willfully repressing easing a little bit as he hid his face against Ryo's hair. Ryo felt Dee relax a little in his arms, and knew that everything was okay again, at least for a little while.

I don't where, confused about how as well. Just know that these things will never change for us at all. If I lay here, if I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world.

The song ended, and the men stopped moving, but stayed wrapped in each other. Comforting and drawing comfort. Ryo slid his hand under Dee's shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin as he listened to the constant beat of his heart, sighing softly when Dee's fingers threaded into his hair, cupping the back of his head.

“I'm sorry Dee.” Ryo whispered, kissing Dee's neck. “There is no excuse for what I said. I hurt you, and I'm sorry.”

“It's okay baby...” There was a pause, then “You didn't mean it...?” It was said half statement, half question, as though it were a foreign concept.

“No, handsome, I didn't mean it. I do that all too often, say things I don't mean.” Ryo smiled just a little. Sometimes even he saw what an only child he was.

“Its okay.” Dee said again, sounding a little more self assured this time, less injured.

“Its not. But I'm glad you forgive me.” Ryo lifted his head to look up at Dee, then went up on his toes a bit. “We'll get through this. Its only been three days. The fact that things haven't gotten worse is a blessing.”

Dee kissed him back tenderly, and nodded.

“No infection yet. He's still with us. More then his brain stem is working. We still have our boy.” Dee glanced over Ryo's head at the still, mutilated form of Bikky, remembering how hollow those blue eyes had looked, and repressed a shiver.

“What is it that Mother is so fond of saying?” Ryo whispered, pulling away just a bit, so he too could see Bikky, sliding an arm around Dee's waist.

“God never closes a door, without opening a window.” That brought a smile to Dee's lips, as Ryo had known it would.

“Now we just have to wait for that window, I guess.” Ryo smiled a bit as well, feeling Dee lean into him, and leaning back a little. “Were you playing your guitar for him earlier?”

“Yeah, hopefully that didn't traumatize him any worse than he already is.” Dee scoffed, brushing off his talent.

Ryo looked over at him a moment, then turned and bit his shoulder, hard, but not too hard, smiling when Dee jumped

“Hey! What as that for!”

“I'm sick of you talking down about yourself. I swear every time I hear you do it, I'm going to bite you.”

“Do I get to pick where?” A bit of a twinkle had come back to Dee's tired eyes.

“No!” Ryo managed a laugh, feeling himself blush, knowing full well where Dee would request him to put his mouth, given the option. “You are such a perve!”

“A hentai even?” Dee smiled wider, using one of the dozen or so words he knew in Japanese, Ryo had called him it enough times that he had eventually looked it up.

“Yes!”

“You love it and you know it.”

Ryo sighed softly, relaxing a little more himself. It was okay, they were okay, they would get through all this, and they would get Bikky through it.

“I know no such thing!” Ryo managed a mock indignation.

“How do you say `I'm retarded for you' in Japanese?” Dee asked, sliding a hand down to give Ryo's arse a friendly grope.

“It sounds a lot like `keep your hands off me'.”

“Liar.”

“Sometimes... I say things I don't mean.” Ryo smiled, looking up at his partner.

“Like `stop doing that, I'm asleep'?” Dee teased, kissing Ryo's hair before moving to sit on the edge of Bikky's bed, taking his least bandaged hand.

“Exactly, or `I don't think you should be doing that with the silk tie Elena gave me for christmas'.”

“So, when you say `Dee, stop making photocopies of your ass' you mean...?”

“I mean `Dee, stop taking photocopies of your ass'.” Ryo laughed, hugging Dee from behind, resting his head against Dee's back.

The both fell quiet for a bit, simply watching Bikky, each thinking their own thoughts. They had survived one more day of their season in hell intact, and both of them the stronger for it.

Author's Note: Hmm, well I hope this chapter wasn't too stagnant. I figured we needed to see them struggle just a little bit more before things start to look up. No relationship is perfect after all. Hope I didn't bore anyone, thanks for reading! Oh yeah, and the song is `Chasing Cars' by Snowpatrol, if anyone actually didn't know that.