Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Third Time's the Charm ❯ Dirty Secrets ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: Fake is not mine, though I desperately wish it was. You can try to sue, but all you'll get is my ten year old rust bucket and an ipod. That probably won't cover your legal fees.

 

Third Time's The Charm

Chapter Three: Dirty Secrets

By: Irish

 

Warnings: There is no smut or even foul language to speak of in this chapter :O

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Ryo knocked lightly on Dee's door. He had a key, but he thought it more polite to knock. He could hear some soft music filtering through the heavy door, then the light trample of Dee's probably-bare feet over the floor. A moment later the sliding of a dead bolt rung though the hallway and Dee threw open the door to Ryo, grinning.

 

“Well hello there.”

 

“Hello yourself.” Ryo couldn't help but return the grin. Dee looked good, damned good. A pair of dark boot cut jeans rode low on his hips, his light gray button down shirt was untucked and the sleeves rolled up a bit, giving him a casually, sexy-tossled look. Ryo held out the bottle of wine he had picked up on the way. “I thought we could indulge a little.”

 

“I like the way you think.” Dee took the bottle in one hand, the other arm coming around Ryo's waist, drawing him right up against his chest, lips seeking and finding his mouth.

 

Ryo's breath caught in his throat as Dee gave his mouth more attention then a brief kiss of greeting, tongue teasing lightly against the sensitive flesh. Ryo couldn't help but open his mouth to Dee, after a moment, wrapping his arms around his neck and twining their tongues together. The slacks he was wearing became too tight quickly, and a soft mewling noise escaped his throat. Damnit! How could he want Dee this badly two seconds after walking in the door?

 

Dee drew the warm hard body of his partner closer against his own, his free hand slipping into Ryo's back pocket cupping the tight muscles of his arse, pulling their hips together, shuddering at the feel of Ryo's length hardening swiftly against his thigh. His own member echoed the swift stiffening and he pressed it into Ryo's hip.

 

“Dee!” Ryo pulled away with a gasp.

 

“What?” He asked, voice husky, his attempt at sounding innocent lost in the sexy purr.

 

“I just stepped in the door.” Ryo said indignantly feeling his cheeks heat.

 

Dee stepped away with a sigh. “Right, of course. Why would I want to be passionate with the man who is supposed to be my lover. My bad.” He shook his head. Even his earlier self attention didn't seem to take much of the edge off of his want, now that Ryo was here in the flesh.

 

“Damnit Dee!” Ryo growled, watching him pace over to the fridge and put the wine inside of it. “If you can't respect my boundaries-”

 

“I have done nothing but respect your boundaries, how can you even imply... Christ Ryo! I love you! What do you need me to do for you to have some faith in me? Do you want me to get down on my knees and beg? Your so called `boundaries' change day to day. We've had sex twice now, but in the last week your pants have been harder for me to get into then a poor man into Harvard! What gives!”

 

Ryo had to bite his lip to keep from laughing... poor man into Harvard? Dee really had a way with words. He was actually hurt and confused though, Ryo could see. He took a deep breath. “Dee, I have faith in you. I know you love me. And you're right, you've bent over backwards to respect me and my waffling.” He watched Dee pull whatever dinner was out of the oven.

 

“So, what gives?” Dee stopped what he was doing, setting the casserole dish on the oven and setting aside the pot holders, leaning on his palms on the counter, back to Ryo. “Wasn't it good for you?” he asked softly “I mean... I thought you really liked it but... I was pretty out of practice.”

 

Even though Dee's back was to him, Ryo could see how red Dee's ears were. He was really embarrassed. The idea that Dee had been bad in bed was ridicules to the nth degree and a stone of guilt sunk in Ryo's stomach. Dee thought he hadn't performed adequately?

 

“No! No, its not that Dee... it was... it was really... I mean it felt... you were....” Ryo stammered.

 

“I wasn't fishing for a compliment. Don't strain your vocabulary.” Dee snipped angrily, attacking the dinner in the casserole dish with a spatula. “Fine. I get it.” Talk about humiliating. He hadn't even managed to satisfy a first-timer. Great.

 

“Dee! Stop that! It was great! It was amazing! Its all I've thought about...” Ryo was sure his face was on fire. “What I was trying to say,” ryo paused, steeling himself to say the words “It was really amazing, it felt wonderful, you were the best I've ever had. No one has ever made me feel like that before.” He said softly, going over to Dee, laying his hands on Dee's shoulders. “I am so glad you were my first.”

 

“So why won't you let me touch you.” He whispered, dishing the fish and rice he had made onto two plates. Ryo was massaging his shoulders, but Dee wasn't sure why he bothered, even he could tell his shoulders were like stone.

 

“Its not you, Dee.”

 

“I've heard that before. Dinner is ready.”

 

Ryo sighed, stepping back, letting Dee set dinner on the table. Ryo got the wine back out of the fridge, finding two wine glasses and pouring a little for each. Dee really was such a good cook. Ryo was always glad when he took over the meal-making.

 

“Dee...” ryo caught his hand. “Look at me.”

 

Once Dee had set down the other plate he turned to Ryo, sighing softly, his expression utterly hangdog and forlorn. Ryo's heart squeezed, and he cupped Dee's face.

 

“Listen to me. Lets have a nice dinner, okay, it smells wonderful, afterwards, if you still want maybe we can... you know...” he cleared his throat.

 

“Oh good. Pity sex from my own boyfriend. Just shoot me now.” Dee looked away. “the point is for you to want it too. Not just give it up because you feel bad.” where the hell had all the passion gone? And how the hell had it died just over a month into the relationship.

 

“Its not pity sex! Dee... you know, you're not making this easy to talk about!” How could he tell Dee the real reason? He hated for Dee to feel like he was somehow inadequate, but just the very idea of telling Dee why he had been playing ice maiden for the last two weeks had him wanting to crawl under the nearest rock.

 

“I don't know what to think, Ryo. I love you, so much. I want us to be intimate, because I love you, and I want so share that with you, but...” he sighed deeply.

 

“I know, I know. I want that too Dee! God... if you had any idea how much I want that...” If he masturbated any more, he was sure he was going to give himself a stress fracture either in his pelvis or his wrist.

 

“So... what's the problem Ryo... tell me, so we can sort this out.”

 

“Alright... okay just... after dinner, alright. I'm starving and...” and he sooo didn't want to talk about this.

 

“Alright, after dinner.” Dee agreed with a nod.

 

Ryo hit the wine pretty hard as they ate. He was pretty light weight, or he was now anyway, rarely having more then a beer or glass of wine. He managed to throw back three during dinner, and Dee had kept refilling his glass. Ryo didn't think for a moment Dee was trying to get him drunk to take advantage of him. Ryo was very intentionally trying to get himself well buzzed and loosen his tongue about this whole `why we're not having sex' thing. Dee seemed to understand that, and Ryo knew Dee wouldn't even kiss him on the mouth if he thought Ryo was too drunk. Dee hadn't bothered to do more with the dishes then drop them in the sink, Ryo had poured himself a fourth glass of wine and sat down on the couch with it, feeling languid and loose... and horny. Of course, he was always horny these days.

 

He smiled slowly to Dee when he sauntered over, letting his eyes rake over his partners muscular form, loving the deep tan of his skin, the sinew of his forearms, the fall of his hair. Oh yes, he wanted Dee. ryo had stretched out on the couch, propped up against one arm, and he waited for Dee to ease down beside him, but he didn't. Instead, he picked up Ryo's socked feet and sat, setting his feet in his lap.

 

“So, what's on your mind?” Dee asked quietly, glancing at Ryo briefly, but then not looking at him, instead starting to gently massage the instep of his foot.

 

“Oooh, that feels good.” Ryo groaned, wiggling his toes a bit.

 

“Its meant to.” Dee wasn't about to be distracted.

 

Ryo sighed deeply and took one last long drink of wine before setting the glass aside. It was tempting to just throw it back, but he was very buzzed, and finishing that last glass would apt to put him at drunk. He didn't want to be drunk, just... just not so bloody prude!

 

“Alright... alright...” he closed his eyes, rubbing his face a little.

 

Dee waited patiently, not saying a word, just gently massaging Ryo's foot, stripping off his socks to do a better job of it.

 

“Dee... I've... I just... damnit! I can't just talk about this!”

 

“Why not?” Dee asked calmly, not looking up.

 

“Because! I Just cant!”

 

“So what, we're just never going to have sex again?”

 

“No!” Ryo put a hand over his eyes, face again feeling hot, worse now with the wine.

 

“They we have to figure something out.” Dee shrugged. He fell quiet again, as did Ryo. Ryo closed his eyes, rubbing at his face. Dee was making the foot massage he was giving very sensual, though Ryo doubted it was intentional. His strong fingers caressing up the back of his ankle, then down his shin, over the top of his foot, before he used his thumbs on Ryo's instep. It was so thoughtful. It was so Dee.

 

The knot in Dee's stomach grew as the silence continued. Maybe Ryo just didn't want to have sex with men. Just because it had been amazing, didn't mean he wanted it. Maybe it was just him that Ryo didn't want to have sex with. Maybe he had sorted out what Dee knew all along, that he wasn't good enough for Ryo.

 

Ryo opened his eyes to look at Dee in the dim light. Dee wasn't looking at him, and Ryo's eyes scanned his lover. His broad shoulders, that Ryo so loved to hold on to, were slumped, his head hanging just a little. He looked... depressed, defeated.

 

“Dee?” Ryo asked softly, sitting up a little.

 

“Hmm?” Dee looked at him, giving him a small smile, that didn't reach his eyes.

 

Ryo realized Dee was taking this as a personal rejection, and that the longer he waited to say something, the more sure Dee would become that Ryo was just trying to think of a gentle way to break it off. That wasn't it at all!

 

“Dee...” he said again, sitting up, moving his feet from Dee's lap, shifting until he was kneeling on the couch next to Dee, facing him. He cupped his cheek gently, and turned Dee's face back to his own. “Don't look so sad.” He whispered, brushing dark locks from Dee's brow. “Its okay, I'm not leaving you.”

 

Ryo sighed softly as Dee searched his face. Dee was so very insecure about them. Ryo couldn't really blame him though. That was his fault. The constant drawing him close then pushing him away. How he had left the next morning before Dee woke, and then stood him up. Ryo understood now that Dee's nonchalance when they ran into each other later that day was self preservation, that Dee had already made up his mind that Ryo didn't want him.

 

“Dee, I swear.” He took Dee's hand and pressed it to his chest, over his heart. “I love you.” Dee still hadn't spoken, his expression still searching. Ryo leaned forward and kissed him softly, still holding Dee's hand to his chest.

 

Dee returned the soft kiss, wanting to pull Ryo into his arms, stretch them out on the couch, and to reaffirm everything he felt for Ryo physically. He didn't understand Ryo wouldn't want that. “Then tell me Ryo. I can't know what's wrong, if you won't tell me.”

 

“I know.” Ryo sighed. He rested his forehead against Dee's for a moment. He thought to kiss Dee again, but didn't want to press his luck and end up trying to fend off a come-on he didn't really want to fend off. He sat down besides Dee again. he wasn't sure how to make this easier for himself, if he'd rather curl up in Dee's arms... or be on the other side of the couch from him. The next county would be great.

 

Ryo stood and paced over to the window seat, hands in his pockets as he stared out over the city. This was so frustrating! He actually physically could not make himself talk about it. He took a slow deep breath.

 

“This scares me.” He finally managed to rasp. “It scares me not-- not to be...” damnit! Ryo cleared his throat, keeping his eyes on the cityscape. “in control... of,” Can't stop there Ryo thought to himself. That isn't what the issue is. “My. Own. Body.” The words came out stiff in stilted. There it was he said it finally. Never had he felt so completely helpless, not since his parents death. Dee was always in such control, and Ryo felt utterly washed away every time they were intimate. It scared him and it embarrassed him.

 

“You are always, always in control, not just in this.” Ryo continued the words coming easier now that they had started. He didn't dare glance at Dee's reflection in the glass, not if he wanted to finish this.

 

“When we've been together...” he chuckled dryly “any time I so much as catch your scent, its like suddenly I'm someone else.” Someone who was passionate, relaxed and completely wanton. “I was so... loud...” he choked on the last word a little, loud was an understatement, Dee made him scream. “And I can hardly focus enough to do anything but -- don't take this the wrong way-- let you have your way with me.” Ryo cleared his throat again, glad Dee hadn't said anything yet. He wouldn't get this out if he was interupted.

 

“Which is great, I mean, for me, its great.” he stammered. “But... ah... I can't seem to manage to return the favor. And even if I did,” He paused. Dee was an amazing lover, tender, passionate, skilled, very skilled. Ryo wasn't sure though, that Dee would react as he did, not that he wouldn't enjoy it. Just that it would be like, been there, done that, got the tee shirt. Aha! He'll get that! Ryo seized on the passing thought.

 

“I'm worried that it would be like `been there, done that, got the tee shirt' for you. I know you're... rather experienced. I'm not. Between your tight reign on yourself, and my lack of skill...” He could just see it in his minds eye too. Him trying anything he could think of, and not being able to get the same response from Dee, that Dee got from him. Yes, he was insecure about his own ability to please his lover, but it embarrassed him too how much control Dee could exert over his own body, and hurt him a little too... that Dee was so controlled with him.

 

Ryo didn't continue, he was pretty sure that was as good as he was going to get. He just prayed Dee understood. Dee was usually pretty understanding but, there were times when he just... wasn't.

 

Dee listened closely as Ryo spoke, watched each twitch of muscle, each facial expression reflected in the glass. His lover was struggling very hard to express this, and he wanted to be sure he understood the words Ryo said, but also, the underlying meaning. When he seemed finished, Dee sat quietly for long moments. This wasn't going to be easy.

 

His partner was right, he had graced a lot of different sets of sheets in his time. More then he cared to think of, actually. Ryo was also right to say that Dee kept himself very tightly reigned in bed.

 

Ryo was hurting though too, Dee could see that, and seeing his beloved hurt wasn't something he would tolerate. He stood and moved across the room, to stand behind Ryo, resting his hands on Ryo's tight shoulders.

 

“Ryo...” he murmured, and then stepped closer, when Ryo reached up and lay his hand over Dee's on his shoulder. Dee kissed his hair, relieved when Ryo leaned into him. “I'm so sorry you feel like that.” Dee watched their reflections in the window. He fell quiet a moment. Now, how to get all this figured out?

 

The shorter detective didn't worry when Dee didn't speak right away. All though Dee was notorious for letting his mouth run when it shouldn't, when Dee took something seriously, he chose his words quiet carefully. He too was now watching them in the window, watching as Dee's arms came around him more fully, one around his waist, the other across his chest, watched as Dee turned his face against Ryo's lighter hair. Dee was so very protective of him, and it made ryo feel safe, like there was no one more special then him in the world, at least not to dee.

 

“I didn't want to hurt you.” Dee said finally, softly. “I had wanted you for so very long, and it was your first time... I wanted it to be about you.” he smiled a little. “And you will never know how hard it was to hold myself in check.”

 

Ryo felt his face heat, but he smiled. That made sense, and he had sort of figured that, for their first time. Hearing Dee say it though was very sweet, and hearing how much Dee had wanted him... it was a jolted that went from his chest straight to his groin. He nodded a little “You were very tender.” Ryo caressed his hans over Dee's arms. “But the second time?”

 

“You were, still are, learning the ropes Ryo. That's okay. I like seeing you so uninhibited. I like that you're a... a... sex kitten. I can't tell you what to do about feeling out of control, other then that I would never hurt you or betray your trust. You don't need to be in control with me.” Dee nuzzled his ear a little. “that's sort of the point.”

 

“Sex kitten?” Ryo chuckled, letting his head fall to the side a little as Dee nuzzled his ear.

“I do trust you, that's just it... Don't you trust me?”

 

“Of course! Ryo... I trust you more than anyone save Penguin. I have been around the block... a few times... but these two times with you make everything, everyone, before you pale in comparison.” Dee paused, how could he explain this? “You're just starting to understand passion for me, I'm only just starting to understand intimacy. It has nothing to do with not desiring you, or you not having skill, or in some way finding this boring.”

 

Ryo turned his head more, putting just a little space between them so he could see Dee's face. That was really quite romantic. It only took a moment for Ryo to realize that what Dee said was utter truth. Ryo had know lots of intimacy in his life, maybe not sexual intimacy, but what it meant to feel very close to another human being. Dee had had a lot of sex... and Ryo felt like a dummy for not realizing sooner that this was very new to Dee in some ways too.

 

“So what if you get a little loud and out of control? I'll tell you my little secret...” not so little, actually. He smiled ever so slightly, as Ryo turned in his arms to face him. “Both times we've made love...” he swallowed, finding this every bit as hard as ryo had earlier. “I've almost cried.”

 

Ryo couldn't have been more shocked if three midgets in bikinis had jumped out of the fridge and held them up at gunpoint. Dee Laytner? Cry? That's how much this meant to him? No wonder it made Dee so anxious that they weren't having sex. To Ryo, it all suddenly made perfect sense. And you're a detective? You know full well how his life has lacked in love and safety.

 

“Baby... please please don't think I find you in any way lacking. we've only had two times together. Just... give yourself some time. The only way you'll ever sort this out is to try. And if you think I'm going to be like, reading the news paper while you go down on me... won't be an issue. I assure you.” Dee smiled and cupped his cheek. “In fact, please, by all means, go down on me.” He smiled a little wider.

 

Ryo couldn't help but smile back, a smile which turned into a laugh and he shook his head a little. “I'm a retard.” he said softly, though he was still smiling. “I should have just said something... we could have saved some wear and tear on our wrists.”

 

“It doesn't matter baby... as long as you're happy now, it doesn't matter.” Dee leaned his forehead against Ryo's. “I'd feel like a real bastard taking you straight to my bed after this though.” he chuckled a little.

 

“Oh no, please, by all means, take me!” Ryo grinned, and for once decided to be utterly spontaneous. He threw his arms around Dee's neck and with a bit of a jump, wrapped his legs around Dee's waist.

 

Dee was certainly surprised and he staggered just a bit at Ryo's added weight, but he slid his arms under Ryo's bum to help support him, and pulled him closer against his his body. “How can I say no to that?” he chuckled.

 

“Shut the hell up.” Ryo husked, his dark eyes even dark with passion, and glinting with humor, as he found Dee's mouth, and kissed him heatedly.

 

For once, it was his tongue that sought entrance to Dee's mouth, that plundered and explored, tasted, and even more importantly, drew a soft groan of desire from Dee's throat He was still scared at the idea of being so out of control... but he trusted Dee, and knew that Dee was putting every bit as much faith in him.

 

 

 

Author's Note: Yeah this took ages, sorry. I had no idea what Ryo's issue could be with out making it an over done cliché. Hope I managed. I know, no sex, my deepest apologies... or something... I promise there will be one final chapter with the um... climax... of the story. Our boys just needed to get themselves sorted out first.