Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Time for Healing ❯ A Broken Hallelujah ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: We do not own FAKE or its characters. They belong to Sanami Matoh, lucky girl! Any original characters belong to either Irish or Wildefyre.
Warnings: Thus far just Shounen AI but then again that's what FAKE is anyway. It may become Yaoi further along. This may have the guys out of Character somewhat, so Gomen for that and we are taking some creative freedom on histories & backgrounds as well as current lives so be prepared...

Lyn flew down the stairs still soaking wet wearing only a pair of slacks he had snagged on the way out of the shower as the pounding on his door grew louder. He paused only long enough to look through the peephole before flinging the door open. "Ryo? My god! What's wrong?"

"Help me Lyn... Oh God help me! I hurt Bikky! I hurt my son!" Ryo began falling forward, the emotional roller coaster was finally catching up to him as his body and mind gave out.

Lyn's arms came up and for the second time in two days caught Ryo's weight. "Slow down Ryo, slow down. You're soaked!" Lyn exclaimed. He half dragged Ryo in the door shutting it behind him.

"Christ Ryo... all right, all right, it's okay. Take a few deep breaths and slowly tell me what happened."

"Dee! He told me... He told me that he never did love me! Oh god! He just wanted to screw me..." Ryo couldn't stop the torrent of tears flooding his cheeks. "I got so angry... I wanted to hurt him like he was hurting me." Ryo started shivering, his teeth chattering as he spoke.

"Christ." Lyn swore again, unsure where to even start. "All right come on. Let's get you cleaned up. Are Dee and Bikky alone...? Should I send Andrew over?" He asked, arm around Ryo's waist leading him to the downstairs bathroom. "Sit down." Lyn said. Gently guiding him to sit on the closed toilet, then handing him a towel.

"My tea mug... I threw it at Dee. I didn't see Bikky standing there. Oh God I didn't see him. I swear to God that I didn't." Ryo bent forward and quickly got to his knees. Lifting the lid on the toilet he became violently ill.

Lyn winced then knelt down next to Ryo, rubbing his back. "Whoa, easy Ryo." He waited for the fit of nausea to pass as he rubbed Ryo's back gently.

"Gomen... I'm sorry to bother you. I didn't know where else to go. I didn't know who else to run to." Ryo wiped his mouth and sat back on his legs, his hands came up to cover his face. "Gomen..." He said again as his body shook from the sheer force of his sobs.

Lyn wrapped the towel around his shoulders, then put his arm around him. "It's all right Ryo. You're no bother. I'm just glad that I was here for you." Lyn looked up as he heard Andrew's uneven gait pause at the bathroom door. "Mo rún, I know you just woke up but Dee and Bikky are alone. Could you go over and see if you can get things straightened up on that end. I think Ryo needs a break."

"Of course. Just let me get dressed." Lyn nodded reaching up and giving Andrew's hand a squeeze.

"Arigato babe." Andrew gave Lyn a gentle smile before heading back up the stairs. "An is going to go over and take care of Bikky and Dee. You just... take your time and sort yourself out Ryo. I'm here for you."

"What am I going to do? I thought that he loved me. He lied! Dammit he lied!" Ryo clenched his fists tight enough to turn his knuckles white. "I've been such a fool Lyn... Bikky was right. Dee only wanted me for sex. I'm just glad that we never made... never went that far." Ryo found his pain spreading. He hurt so badly now that had he had his gun on him, he may have used it on himself.

Lyn grabbed another towel to give himself a moment to think. How could you comfort this kind of pain? He gently put the second towel in Ryo's hand. "I'm truly sorry Ryo... Maybe... Maybe it was some mistake... just a defense mechanism..." He floundered for words.

"God Ryo, I'm so sorry." He held Ryo close rocking him gently like he would Keiry or Annie when they were upset.

"If it weren't for that fact that I have Bikky to think about... I don't know if I'd want to go on living. How can I even now? How can I go on without him...? Please tell me!" Even though he knew that Lyn wouldn't have the answers his mind was too numb to think clearly. "I want to die Lyn... It hurts that much."

"Ryo..." God how would he feel if he lost Andrew? He knew that he would feel the same, inconsolable. But dammit he had to try. "Ryo, Bikky needs you. Bikky loves you. You are still his father. There was a life before Dee and there will be life after Dee. You are a strong man. I know it doesn't feel like it now. But you will get through this. I know the pain is blinding... but Ryo. Don't give up... and don't give up hope... Give Andrew a few hours to talk to him then we'll call and see.... See if what Dee said is really the case."

Ryo shook his head. "I'm nothing more then Bikky's guardian. You didn't see the look in his eyes. He was scared of me. I hurt him in anger. It may not have been directed at him but I hurt him." Ryo trembled. He was tired of fighting. There just didn't seem to be a reason anymore.

"I'm sorry Ryo." Lyn said softly. "I've run out of answers."

"So have I..." Ryo started to get up. He wasn't sure about where he'd go but something was compelling him to move on... "I-I won't keep you. Please forgive me for this intrusion." He was autopilot now, his mind and body drained of emotions as the tears stopped suddenly.

Lyn grabbed his wrist lightly. "Ryo don't leave. You're drenched and... well...if I can be blunt, out of your mind with grief. Stay here, we'll get you some dry clothes and some tea. You shouldn't be alone right now." Ryo merely nodded, his voice had fallen silent. There was nothing more for him. With his heart torn from him and his soul shattered, that left him with nothing but an empty shell. His silence continued as he was taken to another room and even the light shrill of a phone ringing received nary a response from him.

Standing Lyn hoisted Ryo up to his feet then lead him up the stairs to the study. Fumbling through the dresser Lyn grabbed a pair of Andrew's flannel pants with a drawstring. They would be far to big for Ryo but at least they would come slightly closer to the right length then anything of his. Grabbing a sweatshirt he returned handing the clothes to Ryo as the phone rang. He snatched it up quickly.

"Hello?"

"Lyn, It's me." Lyn couldn't help by feel soothed by his lover's voice.

"Hey An... Were Kei and Annie still asleep when you left?"

"Yeah you've got at least a half-hour. I will be up to the apartment in a few minutes. How's he doing?"

Lyn glanced over his shoulder to Ryo as he stepped out into the hall closing the door behind him. "Gods... not good. If Dee's just being an asshole... kill him and if he's serious... castrate him then kill him. This is fucking ridicules."

"Language honey. I don't know. I will try and find out. How fast should I be moving? I mean how bad was Bikky hurt?"

"I can't imagine that it was too terrible... Ryo wouldn't have left if it were."

"All right. Well, I'm in the elevator on the way up. Try getting him to meditate or something."

"I will. Good luck baby."

"You too." Andrew clicked the cell phone off and slid it into his pocket as the elevator binged his floor. He gimped down the hallway and knocked once before just walking in. He paused just inside the door looking around.

"Ryo?" Dee stepped out from the kitchen where he had remained after Ryo ran out. He had hated himself for what he had done and was almost tempted to take a knife to his wrists but Bikky was in the apartment and he wouldn't subject him to that. "Ryo listen... We need to talk but I need to check on Bikky first."

"It's Andrew. And damn straight we're gonna talk. Sit the hell down while I try and fix this." Drew surprised even himself with his strong language but things had just gone too far and he wasn't about to pull any punches. "Is Bikky back in his room?" It was really a moot question as he was all ready limping that way.

"Yes... How did you know?" Dee found himself obediently finding his way to the couch and sitting down. His hand fell on something and he gasped. It was a small stuffed bear that Dee had won at a fair and gave to Ryo as a joke. Now it was lying amongst the blankets and Dee realized that Ryo had it with him while he slept last night.

"Well it's not like he would be anywhere else." Andrew replied pausing outside Bikky's door to take a deep calming breath. He wrapped lightly on the door with a knuckle. "Bikky, it's Andrew, can I come in?"

"Yes sir." Bikky answered and quickly wiped at his tears. As soon as Andrew slipped into the room, Bikky jumped off the bed and flew into his arms. "Where's Ryo? Please tell me that he's okay! I'm scared that he may try and hurt himself." The tears came full force as he clung to a man he barely knew yet trusted fully.

He stumbled back a step as the boy flew into him, catching himself on his crutch. Giving him a tight one-armed hug he spoke softly. "It's okay. He's with Lyn Keiry and Annie, they will watch out for him. Are you okay Bikky? Ryo said that he hurt you."

"It's just a scratch. On my cheek here." Bikky looked up at Andrew to show him. "I didn't mean to run from Ryo. I-I... It made me remember things and it scared me. My mom and dad fought like that... I got scared... I didn't want to hurt Ryo by running... Honest."

"He is upset about a lot of things right now. He and Dee are fighting, in case you didn't guess. But Ryo would never ever hurt you on purpose. I think you know that. I need to talk to Dee... Do you want to go see Ryo? I think he could use your love right now." He stroked Bikky's hair as he spoke looking down at the boy and seeing the light scratch on his cheek.

"I will but Dee... I heard Dee in the kitchen crying after Ryo left. I think he's hurting too." Bright blue eyes were wide, still red with the remains of spent tears. "Am I the reason that they're fighting? My dad used to blame me all the time for his and momma's fights."

"Absolutely not sport! They've got their own problems that have nothing to do with you or anything you did. I think Dee's very upset too... both of them really love you Bikky. Maybe go talk to Dee before you go see Ryo? At least give him a hug?"

"Okay. Help them please? I know Dee's a big jerk at times but Ryo loves him. I don't want to see Ryo hurt." Bikky tried to smile but tears were springing to his eyes. "I heard Dee tell Ryo that he didn't love him. If that's true Ryo will be crushed..."

Andrew nodded taking a deep breath. "I don't know if it's true. That's what I'm here to figure out. Go talk to Dee if you want and I'll write down our address for you then give you money for a cab okay?"

"It's okay I roller skate everywhere even in the rain." Bikky grabbed his skates and rain gear. Slowly walking out to the living room he saw Dee sitting there and hugging a teddy bear. The whole scene looked rather pathetic especially with a man like Dee.

"Dee...? Are you okay?" Bikky made his way over to him and sat down. The situation was awkward at best. Bikky really didn't know how to start it off.

Watching them out of the corner of his eye Andrew wrote their address on the back of one of Lyn's business cards that listed their home phone number, adding his own cell number under their address. He listened to the two, waiting to see what would happen.

"Dee why are you hurting Ryo? You were always trying to convince me that you loved him. Why have you turned it around like this? Why?" Tears began spilling from Bikky's eyes once again.

"You couldn't see it but I did. Ryo's face Dee... He looked like he wanted to die. His eyes were so empty! Please help me to understand." Bikky hesitantly reached out and slipped his hand into Dee's.

"Oh God kid... I don't know." A soft sob escaped Dee's lips and he pulled Bikky to him all of a sudden, hugging him tightly.

"You do love him then..." Bikky clutched Dee, shaking with sobs. "Why did you make him think that you lied?" Bikky looked over at Andrew, begging with his eyes for help.

Gray eyes blinked in an attempt not to look like a deer caught in the headlights he limped over and perched on the edge of the couch, one hand on Dee's shoulder the other on Bikky's. "I think Dee is really confused right now Bikky... I'm not sure he could even tell you why."

"Yeah but... Ryo... What if he believes that Dee doesn't care? I know Ryo is smart and all but this hurt him. Did you see his eyes? I'm scared he may not come back... I'm scared that he may try and hurt himself. Lyn can't force him to stay with him and he can't watch him like a hawk... I don't want to be alone anymore." Bikky dipped his head down tears splashing down onto his jeans.

"Lyn is used to toddlers so I think that he can keep an eye on Ryo." Andrew hoped so anyway as he watched the sobbing pair with Dee clinging tightly to Bikky and Bikky clinging back just as hard. "We'll sort this out guys. We'll sort it out." He rubbed Dee's shoulder with one big hand.

"I get this feeling that you think I should leave?" Bikky looked at Andrew. "Ryo speaks vaguely whenever he has something he needs to talk to Dee about that I shouldn't hear."

Andrew smiled gently at the youth. "Hey you are welcome to stay. You live here after all. But I do need to talk to Dee. Take your time though."

"No it's okay I'm kind of used to it." Bikky wiped his eyes and stood. "Besides I want to make sure that Ryo is okay." He looked at Dee and then hugged him again. "Is there anything you want me to tell Ryo?" He asked, hoping that Dee would respond.

Dee sniffed. "T-Tell him.... Tell him that I will call." Andrew sighed, he had been hoping for something more then that but at least it was something.

"Here Bikky that's our address, our home phone number and both Lyn's cell phones and mine are on there. If there is a dog out in the front yard, don't worry about him, he's sweet as pie. All right Sport?"

"Okay. A dog huh? Cool! I wanted a puppy but Dee here doesn't like puppies... Or babies." Bikky smirked just a little. "Hey I can't get too soft on him now can I?" He leaned up and wrapped his arms around Andrew's neck. "Beat some sense into him if you have to." Bikky whispered as gave the man a hug.

Drew hugged Bikky back quickly ruffling his hair. "Be careful kid, this day doesn't need any more drama. All right?" He gave Bikky a smile as the platinum blond tied on his skates and left leaving Andrew and Dee in silence.

Dee waited until he heard Bikky close the door and the sounds of his skates got farther away before attempting to speak. "Well I guess now's that moment when you're going to beat some sense into me? Huh? I may be blind but I'm not deaf." Dee commented.

"I'm not big on violence." Andrew said simply as he sat down on the couch next to Dee. "Now do you care to enlighten me as to what exactly is going on? All I know is that Lyn told me to come over here and see after you and Bikky. And that Ryo is in my bathroom crying so hard that he made himself sick. So, what happened?"

"I had to do it! It's the only way to keep Ryo from being hurt any more then he all ready is." Dee started out. "Had I simply walked out of here, he would have been devastated. But by telling him that I didn't love him I got him to hate me. Now he'll be able to move on... When Ryo loves, he loves for life. When he's angry or hating it's short lived and soon forgotten." Dee lowered his head as tears fell, splashing onto his folded hands.

"So, you do still love him?"

"Like I could ever stop?" Despite his lack of sight, he turned his head towards Andrew. "Ryo's not the only one who loves for life..."

Reaching over, Andrew rested a hand on Dee's shoulder looking him straight in the eye even with his blindness. "Dee..." He shook his head and took a deep breath starting again. "Dee, all you two had to hold onto was each other. I know that you think that you're doing what's best but you two are so miserable right now that you can barely function. Dee? Ryo loves you more then anyone in the world. You've broken his heart in the worst way possible and you're the only one who can put the pieces back together. Even a blind man can love. And that's all he wants from you."

"I-I can't... Not now. He hates me. I can't bare the thought of hearing that in his voice again. When he said it to me before leaving it was like someone had reached in and tore my heart out." Dee found himself unable to control his tears and finally they just flowed forth. "I'd do anything for Ryo. I'd give up my life for him."

"Well then for the love of god man, give up your pride! It's a mile away from your life. You hurt him in the worst way possible so you deserve a little anguish but you will lose him forever if you don't tell him that you love him." Andrew's arm came around Dee's shoulders. Despite his gruff words he did empathize with the man. He was doing the best he could under the circumstances.

"I want to... God I want to. I-I just need time to sort this out in my head. I don't want to bring any more pain down on him." Dee was surprised by the arm going around his shoulders yet he found that simple act to be more touching then anything and he leaned over to rest against Andrew. "I-I need to find somewhere to go. I think it may be best if Ryo and I take a few days to cool down and get ourselves together. You can tell Ryo that I will contact him so that we can talk. Tell him that I do love him but that I need time."

Andrew sighed. "All right.... And not to be Captain Bring Down but where are you going to go?"

"I had thought about the orphanage but I called there earlier and they are having the rooms there repainted. All the kids are on a retreat. I guess that leaves me to stay at my own place. I just don't like the idea of Ryo being alone." Dee sighed.

"Bikky may be okay with him but Ryo needs someone to talk to and a 12-year-old isn't the answer." Dee's heart was breaking over the thought of leaving Ryo, even if for a short period of time but it had to be done.

"Let me give Lyn a call and see what we can work out..." Andrew patted Dee's knee as he stood, knees cracking alarmingly as he limped to the kitchen to give himself some privacy. Dialing his home number he waited for someone to answer.

"As the world Turns, Drama Department." Lyn answered with a sigh.

"That good huh?" Andrew asked a faint smile turning his lips.

"Oh yeah... What's up? Any luck on your front?"

"Yes and no. Bikky's on his way, he's fine. Dee still loves Ryo but feels that they need a couple of days to chill. He doesn't want Ryo to stay alone and he really shouldn't be either." There was a long pause on Lyn's end.

"Does this remind anyone else of wife swapping in the seventies?"

"It better not be!" Andrew growled. "Besides the only people these boys are going to have sex with is each other, so I'm not too worried. Can we sort this out with the kids and stuff?"

"Yeah... between the four of us I'm sure that we can mange one adult guardian at each house everyday. You and Dee stay here. Your legs won't hold out on Ryo's couch."

"All right koibito. Talk to Ryo and call me back."

"Yup. Tá grá agam duit An."

"Love you too."

Lyn hung up the phone in the kitchen and grabbed the tea headed upstairs for the study where he had left Ryo. There was work to be done if they ever hoped to bring Dee and Ryo back together and he felt that this was just the beginning of what was going to be a long and rocky road.

Wildefyre: Like I have said in the past... Dee and Ryo may be OOC but that's because there wouldn't be any real way for us to keep them in character and take things through so many emotions. Irish and I have never tried to be Canon with this story. Anyone having a problem with it, needs to read over our notes again.

Irish: Or just suck it up, this is our hobby, not our employment. We're just having fun and you should too. Warning, much angst ahead. R & R as always, please.

Mo rún: My love

Tá grá agam duit: I love you