Fan Fiction / Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Harry vs. Voldemort: The theories ❯ Theory 4: Harry Potter... LOTR style! ( Chapter 4 )

Theory 4: LOTR style

Frodo never got the ring. Instead, Voldy came up, stabbed Bilbo, and stole the ring.

 

What I still don't get is where the hell was Gandalf?

 

Harry: [Suddenly appearing out of no where] That ring is not yours Voldemort!

 

Voldemort: Wanna place a bet?

 

Harry: Hmmm… [takes out change] I got 3 galleons, two knuts, and an “I love killing” Keychain.

 

Voldemort: … I'll bet everything except for the keychain. I may have one, but it's the only pal I've got. [Hugs his keychain]

 

Harry: Who said I was betting it anyways?

 

Voldemort: Anyways, [starts putting on the ring]

 

Harry: I wouldn't do that if I were you…

 

Voldemort: I wouldn't stand there if I were you.

 

[Harry looks up]

 

Harry: Oh sh- [Ron, Hermione and Ginny fall on top of him] Gerroffofme! AndRonstoptouchingmy-

 

Ginny: Harry! Thank goodness you're all right!

 

Harry: What are you talking about?

 

Voldemort: [Laughing] You know what? I'm going to give you the ring. Now, being the teacher's pet, you have to destroy it…IN THE FIRES OF MOUNT DOOM! [Cackles evilly and lightning flashes behind him] Woah wait [stops cackling] That was weird.

 

Harry: What was?

 

Voldemort: Wait, wait, wait [holds up one finger to stop Harry from moving. Cackles evilly. Lightning flashes behind him] See? See?

 

Hermione: Here's your problem. [Voldemort in the crotch] RUN! [All run away.]

 

[They crash into Gandalf.]

 

Gandalf: Oh what's this? Only told Frodo to bring the gay guy, and those two other guys on crack. Now I only see Frodo with a pair of reading glasses, a gay guy, and two other guys with wigs!

 

Girls: Hey! We're girls! [Hundred rapers come around them]

 

Harry: [taking out a wand] Any of you touch Ginny, I'll kill you!

 

Hermione: That's really supportive Harry.

 

Harry: Thanks.

 

[Three months later: The girls were kicked off because the Weta workshop could only design armor for girls, and the fact that they're useless, and Harry and Ron are walking up Mt. Doom [Lightning cracks behind me.] Boy, that is weird]

 

Dobby: [acting as Gollum, only, more loony] This way Hobbi- I mean stupid pawns. Just bring the ring up there so I can kill you all and steal your riches…

 

Ron: [To Harry] He's just adorable!

 

Harry: Ring goes on [slides on ring and disappears], Ring goes off [slides ring off and reappears], Ring goes on [slides on ring and disappears], Ring goes off [slides ring off and reappears], Ring goes on [slides on ring and disappears], Ring goes off [slides ring off and reappears] Yes Sam! We must get to the top and destroy this evil, yet beautiful, and delicate, and beautiful, and delicate ring! [Holds ring up]

 

Ron: Um, my name's Ron.

 

Harry: Oh right, I meant that.

 

[While traveling up the mountain Harry drops to the ground]

 

Ron: Don't worry Harry! I'll carry you up! [Carries Harry on his back until they reach the edge of the bridge in Mt. Doom]

 

[Dobby fights Ron and pwns]

 

Ron: H-H-Harry! I-I-I love you!

 

Harry: Ring goes on [slides on ring and disappears], Ring goes off [slides ring off and reappears] Ring goes on [slides on ring and disappears], Ring goes off [slides ring off and reappears] Ring goes on [slides on ring and disappears], Ring goes off [slides ring off and reappears] I'm sorry Sam, what did you say? [Ron gets wasted] You know, I always did want to put the ring on. [About to ring on, when Voldemort jumps out of the blue and steals the ring.

 

Voldemort: Yes the ring is mine!

 

Harry: You idiot! That was for Dobby!

 

Voldemort: Well not my fault he started practicing his victory dance!

 

[Hears Dobby screaming from down below in the lava. Voldemort puts on ring]

 

Harry: NOOOOOOOOOO!

 

[Suddenly Ringwraiths come in and stab Voldy to death with knives, pointy knives, that burn with a thousand evils!]

 

Harry: Cool… [Starts sunbathing outside, as the whole mountain erupts. He lays in the heat.] You know, this is the volcano…[zooms onto Harry's face] TO RULE THEM ALL! [Sorry you had to see that. Harry lays back down and gets some more rays, when a giant eagle scoops him up]