Fan Fiction / Zoids Fan Fiction ❯ ARG MATIE! ❯ Part One: In Which the Characters Go on a Free Shady Pirate Ship Cruise ( Chapter 1 )

***Somewhere about the whimsical waves…***

Irvine: (Looking out at the bay with his hagioscope) Arggg, matie! I see that brat and his girlfriend!

Thomas: (In a sailor uniform) GET HIM ON THE BOAT.

Garu-Wannabe: (Salutes with a squeaky voice) Aie aie, cap'n!

Prozen: (Slams the door open with a superior air) I (Has an 1800's-snobby voice) happen to be the captain here…

Nifty Parrot: Quackkkkk

Prozen: Ohhh! (Fans himself gaily) You gave me a dreadful fright there, Nifty Parrot! (Looks at the eye-patched parrot on his shoulder with a high-class frown)

Nifty Parrot: (Looks disgruntled)

Irvine: Arg, after the brat!

Thomas: AND.

Irvine: …his girlfriend!

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~ARG MATIE! A Zoids Guardian Force Comedy ~

~Part One: In Which The Characters go on a Free Shady Pirate Cruise~

~By The Devious D/Chick~

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Van: (Hands Fiona and ice cream cone topped with vanilla) Here ya go!

Fiona: (Smiley-eyes) Thank you Van!

Zeek: (Gives a useless random roar of defiance)

Van: (Suddenly clings to Zeek, sobbing) I LOVE YOU ZEEK! I'M SUCH A FAG THAT I ALMOST LOVE YOU MORE THAN THIS LITTLE ZOIDIAN FREAK WHO HAS HAPPENED TO SAVE ME MULTIPLE TIMES!! (Snuggles) Anhyummmmm!!!

Fiona: (Frowney-eyes)

Van: (Points in a random direction) TO THE CRUISE!

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Irvine: (Standing in front of the docked pirate ship looming behind him in a shady air. Wears a sandwich-sign over his head saying "Free Cruise on this Shady Pirate's Ship!" In big bold red letters)

Van: (Walks up) HEYYYY! (Disgustingly happy)

Irvine: Uhh, hey.

Van: Like, can we, you know, go on your free shady cruise promising possible danger and adventure? And maybe even a little death?

Irvine: (Grins) SURE!

Fiona: Van…

Van: OH YEAH! A FREE SHADY CRUISE PROMISING DANGER, ADVENTURE, AND NOT TO MENTION DEATH! WHAT COULD BE BETTER!?

Fiona: (+>.<) Van!

Van: DEATH! DANGER! (Pauses) Oh, did you say something Fi-Fi?

Irvine: (Cringes) "Fi-Fi"?

Fiona: (-.-) I know there's probably no point in asking this, but are you really sure you want to go on this thing?

Van: (Already marching up the plank) AWRIGHT! LET'S GO! (Throws a fist in the air)

Fiona: (Chases after) VAN!

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Van: I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK! (Hanging over the ship's side)

Fiona: We haven't even left the dock yet, dummy.

Van: Oh…(Ponders) RIGHT!

Zeek: (On the ground, still pointlessly roaring)

Van: (Waves a handkerchief around) BYE ZEEKY! I'LL MISS YOU!

Irvine: (Walks up) Are we ready to go?

Fiona: (Observes the near-empty decks) Isn't anyone else coming on the cruise?

Irvine: NO. Hey, squiggly kid…

Van: Ai?

Irvine: (-.-) Are we ready to sail off?

Van: (Cheesy salute) Sure thang cap'n!

Prozen: (Thwacks the door of his quarters open again) I'M (Supreme air) the captain here, o ye grand oaf!

Van: …

Nifty Parrot: Quaccckkk

Prozen: Ohhhhh!! (Screeches girly-like and faints)

Nifty Parrot: (Flies off giving the finger)

Irvine: (Stares at Prozen's unconscious form blankly) …

Fiona: …

Van: …

Irvine: (Points in a random direction) TO THE SEA, MATES!

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***The ship is sailing among the sea quite peacefully***

Fiona: (Takes a deep breath) My…isn't the ocean air refreshing?

Van: (Hanging over the ship's edge, tossing his cookies) BLEEEEHHHHGGGGGG!!!

Fiona: (Smiley eyes) ^^ I'll take that as a yes!

Irvine: (Bursts out of the captain's quarters, looking pissed) ARG! That mangy cur is ye weaklest cur of mange yer evar laid eyes upon!

Fiona: Um, right.

Irvine: (Coughs) … (Looks up with sparklies around him) Would you care for a frosty beverage, m'lady? (Suave grin)

Fiona: …Sure…

Irvine: (Throws his head back in insane laughter) BA HA HA! FAT CHANCE!!!

Van: HEY! (Steps in front of Fiona) Don't make fun of my girlfriend, man!

Moonbay: (Steps out of the Captain's quarters) My, has a tense moment of defensive love entered our plot?

Irvine: GASP! IT'S THE MOON OF THE BAY!

Van: Oh yeah, I've heard of the Moon of the Bay…

Fiona: You have a huge poster of her hung up in your room you freak, of course you've heard of her!

Van: (Blushes) So?

Fiona: Not to mention you made that sick website talking about how "sexy" (finger-quotes) she is!

Van: SO!

Moonbay: Umm, excuse me, but could you not say those things right in front of me?

Fiona: And she wears those big-butt shorts and she has that stuck-in-the-light bulb hair, and…

Moonbay: Excuse me, but I'm going to go and cry in my room now. (Turns around and starts sobbing)

Irvine: …In your room…

Moonbay: (Hiccups) Right, in my room…(Shuffles away sobbing)

Van: … (Feels bad for Moon of the Bay's predicament)

Fiona: (Crosses arms) Hmph! Serves her right!

Van: (Spins toward Fiona) I HATE YOU! (Smacks Fiona)

Fiona: GASPPPPPPP!!! (Touches the red hand print on her face)

Van: (Turns and heads toward the Captain's Headquarters)

Irvine: (Reaches out a hand) Hey man…that's, like, a private room…

Van: (Slams the door shut)

Irvine: (Takes hand down and shrugs) Ah, well, whatever…He'll learn soon enough.

Fiona: (Still in shock) Huh?

Van: (Bursts out of the room) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Prozen: (Chasing after in his gay voice) Ohhhhh, honey bear, we were meant to be! Fate brought thy us together!

Van: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!!!

Irvine: ^__^ His fault!

Fiona: (Ignores Van) Hey, isn't there any more crew on this ship?

Irvine: Sure!

Crew: (Come falling out of the sky)

Fiona: !!!

Irvine: Meet Thomas…

Thomas: (Still in his sailor uniform) HELLO. THERE.

Fiona: Um, hey.

Van: (Runs straight into Thomas) Oof! (Falls unconscious)

Prozen: Oh, fooie! (goes back to his quarters)

Irvine: Right…ok then…MEET THE GARU-WANNABE! (Whispers) A.K.A. Captain O'Connell.

Garu Wannabe: Look at my butt! (Shakes his big fat butt)

Fiona: O.o

Irvine: …and Commando-Guy…A.K.A. that dude with the blonde flat-top.

CG: Yo! (Holds up a picture of his mom) She's old and wears funny clothes!

Fiona: O.o …

Irvine: …And Rudolph, our dorky sidekick.

Rudolph: (Kicks Irvine's side and laughs dorkily) GA-HUH! GA-HUH!

Irvine: (Shoves him away) Go away…

***A Glimmer is seen in the sky***

Irvine: Eh? What is that mysterious glimmer in the sky?

Fiona: Perhaps it is a sign of new plot that will randomly appear later in the story.

Irvine: You mean the kind of new plot that bugs and annoys you because it hides in the shadows with and evil red gleam in its eyes behind the backs of the heroes throughout the whole story and at the end it reveals itself to be a main character that seemed like the good guy but turned out to be the villain the entire time, and then the audience gasps in utter horror and surprise at the irony of it all?

Fiona: Perhaps it is…

Raven: (Happens to be the mysterious glimmer in the sky)

Van: (Wakes up, still sprawled on the ground) Huh? (Lifts his head up)

Raven: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Irvine: Or maybe it's…no, couldn't be…

Raven: (Getting closer) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Irvine: Or MAYBE it's…(Looks around) Hey, where's Raven?

Raven: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-Oof! (Falls smack on top of Van)

Van: (Hears a painful cracking sound from his back) Aiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!!

Raven: What the $%@#!?!?!?!? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?!?

Van: (Looks at Raven) WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?!? GET OFF MY BACK!!

Raven: (Straddled across Van's back rather kinkily) O,O

Van: Get. Off. My. BACK!!

Raven: (Frozen at the sight of Van's adorably hott face) O,O

Van: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?

Raven: (Blush rises up slowly *like in anime ^^; *) Uhh…

Van: ARGGGGG!! (Shoves Raven off)

Raven: O,O (Still speechless)

Irvine: Is Prozen really as gay as he acts? Why did the crew fall out of the sky? Does the cruise even have a fare? Why am I a pirate? AND HAS RAVEN REALLY TURNED INTO A FAG!?!? Find out in part two of ARG MATIE!

Fiona: (Smiley eyes) ^^