Fan Fiction ❯ A Promise ❯ A Promise ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

A few notes: This is my first fanfiction, and I'm rather surprised since most fanfics I try to write are rather forced and are quickly abandoned. I tried to keep Raistlin and Sturm as in character as possible, though considering the pairing, I did have to stretch a bit. I wrote it based off the only words in the whole song "Guardian Angel," by Juno Reactor and the Sturm/Raistlin part of Interludes. I'm not sure of exactly when it takes place, but there's no Tika yet and the group isn't split up.

Warnings: This is angsty, to an extent (though not the angst I like), and has shonen-ai in it. You know, boy's love? If that's not your cup of sake, go away. You don't have to read this.
"If there's anything you want, anything at all, come to me. I'll be your guardian angel." --Guardian Angel, by Juno Reactor
~~~
Raistlin ignored the knight standing in the door, repeating words uttered nearly seven years ago. He was a fool, always doting on him, always protecting him (though it certainly wasn't obvius to the others). He was tired of this opressiveness. This love, this so called guarding, was smothering him! All that he wanted was to be left alone, left alone to gain his magic. He had his idiot of a brother to be his physical strength. He did not need some stupid knight who was still remembering past things.

Raistlin had nothing left to loose, not in his own mind. After the Test, the magic that he had persued for so long consumed him, burned inside of him, and the desire for knowledge was stronger than ever. He could not possibly remain in that foolish notion of caring, of love, that he had had before the Test. It would kill him.

Because now look at him. The coughs would wrack his body, make it so he desired to die. He would be left gasping and choking for breath. He would wipe blood away from his lips. He was cursed with a sight that devoured and destroyed the image he had once had. His skin and hair... well, that was the least of his problems really. He'd never really been that attractive anyway.

Oh, but he wore the robes of a wizard, a real wizard. All that he lacked was more knowledge, all the knowledge in the world. Lunitari was his mistress now, and magic was his love, though it was a brutal love that destroyed him.

There was no place for the stern knight in his heart now. After all, it was not the knight who would save him. It was not the knight who would watch over him in his sleep.

Of course, if the knight did, he would not make those stupid and hated bunnies, either.

His ignoring of the knight finally paid off. He left Raistlin, who was hunched over his spell book. The door closed with a click that sounded like an explosion. Deep inside, the mage half-wished it had been one.
~~~
What sort of fool am I? I should have known, from the very moment that I laid eyes on him, that things could never be the same. I should have known, yet I held onto some fool hope. Some hope that he might desire my company again, that he might ask something of me, anything, to feel like he loves me again. Paladine help me, but I think, from him, just a desiring of me would suffice!

The knight entered the common room. There was Tanis, carefully making sure to keep Tas out of trouble, like usual. Caramon was flirting openly with the barmaid, his troubles about his brother put to rest for the moment. Goldmoon and Riverwind were discussing something or another. Flint was grousing about how the ale was pitiful and a waste of their money, yet drinking it as if it were water in the desert and he were dying of thirst. Sturm shook his head. All of them people he trusted with his life, all of them companions that he was willing to die for.

But one was missing from their number. One who was so harsh now, had no desire to be near him. Am I to lose this fight to something as disgusting as magic? he asked himself. But magic was what the mage lived for, he reminded himself firmly. Magic was what he survived with from day to day.

Sturm took a seat next to Caramon. The big man grinned down at him. "The food's gonna be here soon," he said. The knight raised and eyebrow. Food and women. That seemed to be the only things that ever circulated in his childhood friend's mind. That, and fighting. It was so easy to forget Caramon's worry over his brother in these small peaceful moments that were coming farther and farther between.

Tanis glanced up in one of the few brief breaks in Tas's 'borrowing.' "Where did you go?" he asked curiously, only to have his attention diverted again, preoccupied with returning a lady's ring. Sturm waited out the episode. "To look at the rooms, make sure they are defensible." A lie. Such a dishonorable thing, a disgusting thing. Not a complete lie. He had simply left out some of the truth. He had looked at the rooms.

Tanis nodded, noting Sturm's discomfort with the subject. The half-elf was about to ask another question, only for the food to arrive and interrupt everything.

"I'll be back," Caramon said. "I'm gonna go see if Raist wants anything to eat."

Sturm watched Caramon leave, hoping that the jealousy in his heart wasn't in his eyes. While Caramon was treated poorly, at least he was acknowledge.

Catching sight of Tanis watching him curiously, he ducked his head and dug into his food.
~~~
Night had come, and the group was asleep. All except for two members.

Raistlin had received a plea from the knight to meet him in the common room when the others were asleep. Seeing it as the perfect chance to discourage the knight and make it perfectly clear that anything that they may have had before was now very over, Raistlin had agreed. Now, he was sitting in a corner swathed in shadows, waiting for the knight to join him.

When Sturm finally did appear, it took him a few moments to find Raistlin. The Staff of Magius was next to the mage, not far from his slender hand. He sat down across from the mage, the firelight flickering across his skin, his armor carefully polished and tucked away in the room he was sharing with Tanis. Raistlin looked at him with his hourglass eyes, watching as age touched his companion, destroyed the handsome features he could glimpse before the curse stole them away.

"What do you want?" Raistlin asked irritably. He was trying to ignore the feelings of remorse at no longer being to view those features. He was trying to ignore the ache in his heart. On his face, none of this showed. Let Sturm know that he no longer cared (not in public, not for now), let him know that his love was just for his magic (but why was there a throb at the thought of the stupid knight?), let him realize that there was nothing he would not give for his magic (yet, really, if he had to give the knight's life away for it, would he?). A hand, resting in his lap, convulsively clenched, the knuckles turning white.

Sturm saw and heard none of the interal struggles of the only man he had ever loved. I am a fool to think that I can convince him that I still care, despite his changes, he thought to himself. "Why," he finally found himself asking, "are you so insistent on ignoring me?" Raistlin looked at him blankly. "I have--"

"Yes, you do!" the knight snapped before those words could fall from those lips. His hand slammed into the table, make it shudder. Raistlin half-started, but his calm never left his face. "Damn you, Raistlin, why do you always act as if nothing matters?"

The mage stared at Sturm, his eyes harder than normal. It was a gaze that would have convinced most others to stop asking questions and go on with life. "Because nothing does matter, save the magic," he stated. Sturm looked at him. "You act as if we never had anything. You act as if none of that ever happened."

"Because, in this time, it has not. Sturm Brightblade, I would suggest you stop saying such idle things. We both know that your honor would never allow you to love a man, just as your Measure would not. It is not becoming for you to lie so," Raistlin said, a bitter smile on his lips. With that, he swept up from his seat, grabbed the Staff of Magius, and headed up the stairs.

For a moment, Sturm sat, poleaxed by what had just been said. Then, he jumped to his feet and raced after the mage. Grabbing Raistlin's shoulder as he was about to open the room he had with Caramon, Sturm shoved him against the opposite wall, pinning him there. Raistlin's magical staff clattered to the floor. Sturm stared hard into those eyes, which could not help but reveal Raistlin's surprise. "I have not lied about anything," Sturm snapped. "You, a magic-user, are the only being I have ever come close to lying about or for! I would never lie to you."

"Let go of me," Raistlin hissed, the emotions that he'd momentarily shown gone from his eyes.

"No, I will not! Not until you admit what we had."

Raistlin's lips twisted, as if he had a bitter taste in his mouth. Suddenly, he went limp, his head lowered, and his white bangs fell before his eyes. It was the closest that Sturm had ever seen Raistlin to succumbing to any weakness, and for a moment he thought that he was hurting the mage physically. Then, Raistlin began to speak.

"Yes. We had something. It can last no longer, Sturm Brightblade. I may not allow myself to love you, for then I would have something to lose. My life is my magic now. And you would do well to stop loving me, for it will only bring you pain. Besides that, if your precious Knighthood found out, what would become of your own dream?"

Sturm felt his soul tremble at the words. Why did it seem that this was true? He did not want to believe it, did not want to face it. "I will give up my Knighthood, if it means staying with you," Sturm said desperatly. Raistlin raised his gaze, his eyes sad. "No, you won't. You have said that I may ask anything of you, yes? Then this is what I desire, what I want.

"I want you to go and become a Knight of Solamnia. I want you to forget about me. I want you to forget our love we once shared. Swear this by Code and Measure, knight. That is what I want, and only you may grant that."

Sturm shook, his grip tightening on Raistlin's arms. The mage winced, and he instantly loosened his grip. "Swear it," Raistlin repeated.

Tears began to slide down Sturm's face. He looked at Raistlin.

Raistlin found himself pressed against the wall firmly again, Sturm's mouth pressing against his own, kissing him forcefully. He found himself swept away in a rushing torrent of emotions he could not understand, could not take hold of. The tenseness that began at the abrupt action faded, and for one precious moment he was lost back in time, and it was as if it was the moment beneath the apple tree all over again, that moment so long ago, before the Test, before the wanderlust. Sturm's arms were around him, holding him closely, his tears staining Raistlin's cheeks.

Sturm pulled away, leaving Raistlin breathless as he always had. In that one moment, Raistlin was ready to say no, that he did not mean his wish.

But it was too late.

"Raistlin Majere, I swear on Code and Measure that I will become a Knight of Solamnia. I swear that I shall let go and forget any love that we had, have. I will, because I have said that I would do anything you asked of me." He paused, swallowing. "Even this."

The knight turned, walking down to his room, raising a hand to wipe away his tears. He did not turn back, though he did not hear Raistlin move to enter his own room.

When the door clicked shut, Raistlin slid down the wall to the floor. He bowed his head into his thin hands, silent sobs choking his body, tears streaming down his face.

Even as he tried to regain himself and go into his room, his chest clenched, and he started to cough. It was far worse than any he could ever remembered, it tore through him, worsened by his aching heart, and he prayed to Lunitari that it would kill him.

Instead, his brother's strong hands reached down, easily lifting his brother. "Raist? Raist, I'm gonna get you in bed, and go get the stuff for your tea." The weaker twin only nodded, still coughing, tears still streaming down his face.

When he at last stopped coughing, the bitter tea in a cup in his hand, Caramon dared to ask why he was crying. "It is no concern of yours, brother. The coughs were simply that bad. Go back to sleep." Caramon looked at his twin worriedly, about to open his mouth and ask another question. "Just go to sleep! I'll be fine!" he snarled. Hurt, Caramon did as he was bid.

Raistlin closed his eyes in the dark, willing himself to stop thinking and feeling, to just sleep.
~~~
Light. There was light everywhere, all around him. He was wearing his red robes, robes stained from travel, the first simple robes he had ever worn. His emotions are impossible to hide, and he glances around in confusion. Why were his emotions so rampant?

A breeze blows through the air, and he turns his head in the direction it blows. He raises the Staff of Magius, which only a moment before had not been there, to his shoulder.

Distantly, he can make out two figures, or maybe it is three. He heads towards them, the wind seeming to push him along, as if it is trying to guide him. The shadows that before he could only just make out are now perfectly clear.

An apple tree, proud and noble, stands, reaching its arms up as it shows the heavens its beautiful fruit. A few blossoms are still present, the latest of the growing apples. Standing with his back to the tree is a young man, his skin pale, brown hair glowing in the light to a deep chesnut with red streaks. His arms are crossed before him, and he is gazing at where he is standing. Yet the young boy does not see him.

Just in front of the boy, speaking to him, is another young man. His hair is neatly tied back by a simple leather cord, and he towers over the one he speaks to by at least a head. He is pleading with the other, obviously trying to repent of some careless comment that he had made. The young man does not seem impressed, and acts as if he is not paying attention.

He knows that the boy is paying rapt attention to every word coming from the taller man's mouth. He knows, though he cannot tell the boy to stop, to run now, to refuse what will be offered no matter how much he desires to. The heartbreak then, he is quite sure, would be nothing compared to that of now.

The boy jerks his head towards the taller young man, eyes wide, a tiny sliver of hope in them. He asks something, to which the taller nods. The taller proffers something, a beautifully wrought ring, saying words that would later condemn them both.

He lunges, trying to stop this from happening. He cannot. He passes through the two, passes through the apple tree. The apple tree appears to be watching him. He looks at it, then shouts, "They should not! They don't know what fools they are!!" Then are you still a fool, now when it is done? the tree asks him. "Yes. I was a fool to accept a promise!" Yet he kept it. Do you not realize the depths of love which you have so bitterly tossed aside? "Shut up, you stupid tree!" he sceams. He doesn't want to hear it, only wants to see it gone, and a spell that normally he could not cast lances lightening outwards, destroying the tree.

Then, he is no longer near the clearing with the apple tree or the two foolish boys. He is standing at a crossways, the wind biting him. Each path looks well-cared for, well-tended, yet there is a distinct sense of dread coming from the one that leads west. He tries to go down the one to the east, but he cannot. His feet irrevocably take him down the west path, condemning him, he knows, to a life where he will never be able to turn back and see the sun rise.
~~~
"Raist!"

Raistlin jerked awake, sweat pouring down his body. It felt as if he had gotten absolutely no sleep. He glared at Caramon. "What?" he snapped. "You were having a bad dream or something. Are you okay?" "Do I look okay?" he snarled. "No, I don't! Let's just leave, since I have no doubt that is why you've wakened me." His hand instinctively reached for Staff of Magius, which had returned to its master in his sleep.

After breakfast and a brief discussion as to what to expect on the roads, the group headed out of the inn and onto the road. Raistlin kept to himself, not glancing at Sturm. Sturm did much the same.

"Oh, wow, Raistlin! That's such a pretty ring, is magicked?" Tas exclaimed, taking note of the only piece of jewelry the mage ever wore. Snatching his hand away from where the kender might reach the ring, he snarled a short "No!" before refusing to answer anymore questions about it.

He'd forgotten he had been wearing it. When the company stopped for lunch, Raistlin asked Sturm to come to the side and speak with him for a moment.

The knight looked at him through glassy eyes. Raistlin was just as cold. Pulling the ring from his finger, he pressed the ring into the knight's hand. Sturm looked at in momentary surprise. "You... you kept wearing it...after all this time?" he managed to ask, flabbergasted. Raistlin looked away, a sour look on his face. "Yes."

It was his turn to be surprised when Sturm took his hand and slid it back on the finger Raistlin had always worn it on. "Keep it. It was a gift, and a sign of my promise to you. I cannot take such a thing back willingly." With that, Sturm turned and walked back to the others before Raistlin could try and refuse. Raistlin looked down at the ring, the rubies twisting around the ring with bands of amber.

A sudden breeze made him lift his head to the smell of cider, and he blinked. An apple tree, a complete oddity in this area, stood, stretching above him, a few blossoms waving idly.

The entire group started as they heard a huge blast. Smoke started to rise above the tree line. Weapons were drawn as a figure came out of the smoke.

Raistlin regarded them all cooly, not letting it be apparent how much he was leaning on the Staff of Magius. The blast and the angry look in his eye were soon forgotten as they continued on their journey.

The apple tree was nothing but a twisted and charred stump.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, that's all. I do hope you liked it! If you want me to try and write this whole young Sturm/Raistlin thing, just say so. I could try. Oh, and I have another version of this with the words that Raistlin and Sturm say under the apple tree, but I don't know if I should trade the two out.

Anyway, that's my tribute to my favorite pairing of the pre-Test.
--Nyght Silverstream