Fan Fiction ❯ A Simple Little Note, Just For You ❯ What Can I Say? ( Chapter 1 )

It was test day at middle school, in math class at least. She hadn't even had to study, but she knew the answers. Equations ran through her head, but they were the wrong ones, even though she knew what she was doing. It was getting closer to that time, and she couldn't concentrate. Swallowing hard, she glanced at the clock on top of the bookcase. 11:00. Seventh graders would change classes in fifteen minutes. She ran a hand through her shoulder-length brown hair, pausing a moment to play with the blue extension. Did she really have the courage to go through with it? What if he found out who she was? What would she say? 11:01. If she kept up like this, not only would she miss her chance, but she would fail her test. Feeling inside her black hoodie, she grasped the note and nodded to herself. She quickly wiped her sweating hands on her blue jeans and got up.

 

Walking across the small trailer, she approached her teacher and asked, using the common excuse to leave class,

 

“May I use the restroom?”

 

Funny, how the teachers never got any wiser. The teacher just nodded and went back to grading papers. No turning back now. She left the trailer, the heavy door groaning with years of use. She knew her way well, having gone out before to find the quickest way and to make sure she could find his locker in the first place. Her black Converse crunched on the gravel, seeming a million times quieter than usual. Everything seemed quieter over the pounding of her heart. Her feet walked without guidance, knowing their way well. Left, straight for a while, then right and through the door. Right again, down the hall, left and straight forward, past the glass that led to the front office. On her left was locker number 1075. His locker.

 

She took a shaky breath. She actually could turn back. Just go back to class. The opening of doors brought her back to her sense. She heard the familiar rumble of two-hundred-something voices that was the seventh-graders. Without a second thought, she shoved the note through the top slot of three in the pale brown locker and walked swiftly back down the hall, following her senses blindly until she found herself seated back in class. In the correct place, too. Second row from the left, three seats back.

 

The sense of dread that had filled her when she had heard the voices left her and she was left with an empty feeling. But slowly, that emptiness was replaced with relief. She had finally said something. Even if he didn't know it was her, she had admitted her feelings for him. And that made her smile.

 

* * *

 

Sitting in her usual spot on the bus, she stared out the window, looking for him. Then she saw him; coming to stand in the back of the line that was waiting to board the bus. His short brown hair lifted slightly by the gentle breeze, eyes shining as he laughed with a friend. He wore nothing special, just a yellow shirt with khaki shorts, but she doubted it would look as good on anyone else. And in his left hand, he held a white piece of paper that was folded neatly: her note. She inhaled sharply, wondering if anyone else had read it. One of his friends, a girl with strawberry blonde hair reached for the note and he held it out of her reach. She managed to catch a snatch of the conversation.

 

“-And if there's a girl sending you love notes, Justin, we wanna red `em too!”

 

“Ah ah ah! No way! It's got my name on it, so it's meant for me!” Just the sound of his voice made her heart skip a beat. All of a sudden, it was hard to breathe.

 

As the line finally boarded the bus, he, Justin, looked around for a seat, and found none but one: hers.

 

“Can I sit here?” he asked. He was always so polite in everything he did. She wondered why everyone else couldn't be like that. But then she thought that that was why she liked it in him: no one else WAS like that.

 

“Sure,” she said quietly, moving her backpack to her lap. She turned her head to the window, but glanced over her shoulder to see him unfolding her note. She read the familiar words, and found herself blushing at the calm look that swept over his face. And the words of the note just seemed to make sense to her; they hadn't really before.

 

If you're reading this, then I must have more courage then I thought. It's kind of funny, isn't it? How we can want something so badly, but be so afraid of it at the same time? Heck, I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I just need someone to ramble to for a while, you know? And you always seemed like the kind of person I could talk to. You just wouldn't let me. And that hurts.

 

You know, every time I fall in love, the guy just ignores me, like I melt into the air before his eyes. Is that what happens with you? You used to see me. You used to make me laugh and walk home with me sometimes. I loved your company. And I've been DYING to ask, why did you stop? What made you suddenly stop seeing me? Why am I invisible to you all of a sudden?

 

I'm not making any sense, am I? I never make sense to anybody. I always thought I could talk to you because you just seemed… like that kind of guy. I don't even know if you've gotten this far reading this. For all I know, you've thrown this note away, or you're laughing over it with friends. But you never came across like that kind of person, so I'm just going to keep talking.

 

I've never been able to talk to anyone like this before. Sure, my mom tells me all the time that I can tell her anything, but I really can't. I've tried before and she just didn't get it. So over the years, all of this has kinda built up on me. You don't know how good it feels to finally have someone listening. Even if you don't know who I am, or why I'm telling you all this, you're still listening, aren't you? And I guess that's why I fell in love with you in the first place. You're always sweet, trying your hardest to make anybody upset feel better. And you tried with me, too, didn't you? It just didn't work. Is that why you gave up? Moved on to someone else who could be comforted easily? But that's just it: a short friendship is exactly what started all this.

 

I had one friend when I was little. All others were enemies to be feared. I was teased, bullied, ignored, but I could always count on that friend to be there. And for four years, that's how it went. Can you believe I used to be spunky? That all ended when I moved. Gradually, that friendship fell apart and no one's been able to replace her. I get a friend, they stick around for a year, then it falls apart. Over and over and over. And I guess it's just drained me of the confidence I used to have. Lowered my self-esteem to the point of no return.

 

But I go through loves just like that. Only two have ever found out, and they both acted disgusted, like they couldn't stand the thought of ME being in love with them. Other guys never knew, and the years slipped by without any love. I didn't want it to be the same now. I'm so scared it's going to end up that way with you. I don't want to just see you pass me by, never knowing what it's like for me! To be ignored by the one you think about constantly. There's no greater pain. I love you, Justin, and there's nothing else to say.

 

A simple little note, just for you.

What more can I do?

Wait for you to pass me by?

No way in hell.

.

He looked up, and looked over at her. She was suddenly aware of her cheeks burning. Damn, she'd sworn she wouldn't blush. Her heart raced. He knew she had written the note. What would she say? Should she wait for him to say something? Or maybe this was a good time to leave and walk home?

 

He looked into her eyes with a blank, questioning look. What was he looking for? Then-it was so unexpected-he leaned across the gap between them, his lips coming to rest on hers in a loving, tender kiss. And she gladly kissed him back, not even noticing what she was doing. It felt like years before they finally pulled away.

 

“Well,” she whispered. “I guess we can start there.”