Fan Fiction ❯ A Visit from St. Nicholas: LOTR Twist ❯ A night like no other ( One-Shot )

Merry Christmas Sierra! I made it with you in mind...
A Visit from St. Nick Parody. Original author of this story( before my changes) is Clement C. Moore. I only twisted the meaning and words.


T'was the night in sometime in June, and all through the house, many creatures were stirring, all accept for the dead mouse. The elfling was tied down to the bed with care, in hopes that Lord Elrond would soon be there.

The hobbits were nestled, all snug in their bed, while sex and whip cream danced in their heads. And Aragorn in his leggings,and Legolas half nude, Had just settled their brains for a long midnight cap.
When out on the patio there arose an elven ladder. The hobbits sprang from their bed ,to see what was the matter. Running in the bare, Elrond was flashed, and in his excitement, he grew abash.

The moon on the breast of Pippin in tow, gave lust to Lord Elrond, and objects below. And to his wondering eyes, what should appear But a slender elf, with a bottle of beer. With a hug that was tender, lively and quick. He knew in a moment, and so did his (ahem)

More rapid than rabbits, an orgy they made, and Elrond screamed and shouted, and called them by name.

"Now Legolas , oh harder,
Now faster and quicker,
On Frodo! on Gimli!
On Merry and Pippin!"

On top of the patio, to the side of the wall,

"Now come baby come,
Now Come All!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly; they were so exhausted, they laid and stared at the sky.

Haldir arrived, with a bag full of toys[1], and food too. Then in a creaking on the roof, they heard the panting and pawing of the elven cook. They drew in a breath, and was turning around, when on the rooftop, Haldir came with a sound. He was dressed in all fur, from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all purple, and had a feminine look.[2]

A bundle of toys, he had flung on his back, and he looked like a pimp, just opening his pack. His eyes how they twinkled, his nipples how merry, his cheeks like an elven, and nose like a fairy.

His sexy little mouth, was drawn up like a bow; and his hairless skin, was as white as snow. The stump of his pipe, he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a pale face, and a quite a sexy tummy; that flexed when he moved, and no way was he a dummy.

He was slender and tall; a right sexy young elf; And they leagued, when they say him, inspite of themselves. With a wink of an eye, and a twist of his hand, he soon gave legolas, a shudder to remember. He spoke a hot word, but went to work, fulfilling Legolas, then turned with a jerk.

And laying a finger, on the side of his cheek, and giving a smile, up the side of the house he went. He sprang to the roof, and gave Aragorn a whistle, then he leapt away, down like a thistle. But they heard him exclaim as he fell out of sight,

"Busy hormones to all, and to all a horny night!"

a/n: And you thought this was a great children's story....

[1] what kind of toys did Haldir have you ask? We can only imagine.
[2] That is my favorite part! *laughs so hard she falls out of her chair*