Fan Fiction ❯ Aragorn's too sexy for the movie ❯ Aragorn's too sexy for the movie ( One-Shot )

[ A - All Readers ]

Title: Aragorn's too sexy for the movie
Author: Makiko Igami
Archive: http://www.yaoi.rulestheweb.com
http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/src.ph p?auth=58906
Category: Parody, humor
Rating: G
Warnings: silliness, abuse of songs... scared elf... possibly massive OOC-ness
Summary: Orlando does some warm-ups before shooting... so does Viggo.
Disclaimer: Okay, I own the CDs on which those songs are, I own my computers that obviously hate me, I own my version of Word that slows my older computer down as hell, I own my internet connection ... well, at least I pay for the flatrate, I own a Mini-Deathscythe on my screen, the special extended DVD version of FotR but no, I don't own Orlando, Viggo, John or anything I mentioned in this story. *thinks* Owning Orlando and Viggo... *GRIN* But only in my daydreams. *sighs*
Notes&Comments: I usually don't write about real people... it kinda scares me... but this one refused to go out of my mind. So I had to write it down. ^^;; I hope some of you find it funny.

"..." spoken words
'...' thoughts
{...} Author's comments
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"I don't wanna rock, DJ, but you're making me feel so nice..." {1} sang a rather melodious voice from the trailer next to Viggo Mortensen's. Being in his Aragorn-costume already, the man frowned and gripped the handle of his sword a little tighter before he silently opened the door to said trailer. Inside he saw an Elf standing in front of a mirror, hands intertwined behind his blond hair that was now covered by a green bandana singing to himself along with another voice as he grinded his hips into the air.

The man blinked at the rather funny image he saw. Legolas, who was even for an elf quite silent, was now dancing and singing like the almost teenage boy who played him. Orlando Bloom seemed to be having a good time in his silk and leather clothes in front of the mirror, loosening his muscles with his movements quite efficiently. Viggo bet he would be even smoother in his Elf-movements than usual after this kind of work-out.

He frowned and then went to the set.

~~ The following day ~~

Orlando kept humming the song he just heard and danced to. "If you're willing to change the world let love be your energy... I got more than I need when your love shines down on me..." {2} It was a good song, rather new, too and he liked it. So why shouldn't he sing it? Plus it kinda described what he was feeling and he just... liked to sing the lyrics.

So he was happily humming along when he came to the trailer of his co-star and friend, as he considered him, Viggo Mortensen. The man seemed to be quite tense sometimes but then again, he was a great actor and Orlando simply adored him for what he was. But what he saw right now made him stop dead in his tracks.

Inside this trailer was Viggo, or rather Aragorn, standing in front of a mirror which had a few photographs plastered to its edges and stared at his reflection, "You sexy thing" by Hot Chocolate playing in the background. Brown eyes covered by blue contact lenses got considerable wider as he saw how the dark-haired man started to move his shoulders with the rhythm of the song, which slowly expanded to his upper body until he started to sway his hips slowly with the rhythm of the song. The older man was doing quite a good job on that, but he was looking kind of wooden as he did so. So Orlando grinned almost evilly as he saw his chance to help him loosen up a bit.

"Hey Viggo," he said cheerfully as he opened the door of the trailer fully. The other stopped dead in his movements and if he hadn't been covered by fake mud Orlando would have been sure to see him blush. Which made his grin only wider as he changed the song and suddenly heard Tom Jones singing, "You can leave your hat on."

"What... what are you doing?" came the startled question.

"I'm dancing," said the blond elf and started some movements. "That's what you did, right?"

He felt an incredulous stare on him through the mirror, but chose not to mind it and did some easy combinations of steps that looked quite complicated though, especially as he did a pirouette, faking to pull his imaginative hat deeper into his face. Smirking he looked at the other man's reflection in the mirror, who was eyeing him with doubt in his eyes.

"Come on, show me what you can do, you filthy human," he teased the older man.

Viggo's look became quite stern at that particular moment and he simply turned the music off.

"Maybe later. We gotta hurry to the shooting."

"Awww damn!" protested Orlando mockingly before he let himself being shoved out of the trailer.

~~ Yet a few days later ~~

'Come on, Viggo, this cannot be this complicated. If the elf could do it... you can as well... where's the problem?'

Again it was "You sexy thing" that was blurring out of the little boxes inside of the actor's trailer. He didn't know why, but somehow the vibes of the song seemed to fit his role as Aragorn, who seemed to have the great fortune that hearts kept flying to him like moths to the light. And he had to admit that he looked good in his costume, although it rather hid everything than showed anything. The episode with Orlando a few days earlier made him even more determined to get through with this. So he slowly closed his eyes and tried to feel the rhythm of this song in his veins, letting the music take control over his body so he would loose his tension and relax.

Slowly his hips started moving with the song and soon his whole body was moving, rocking and grinding with the song. And since the lyrics weren't that complicated and he had heard this particular song more than once during the last few days, he started to sing:

"I believe in miracles, where you're from. You sexy thang... sexy thang, you... I believe in miracles, since you came along. You sexy thing..." {3}

And when the song was over he felt really great and relaxed and ready to face an army of Orcs.

~~ Soon after that ~~

"Lets hunt some Orcs."

That was the sentence that started it. And after a few days of shooting an Elf, a Human and a Dwarf running over the mountains of New Zealand they were now on a location within Fangorn Forest, walking rather aimlessly. At least that's what was in the script. But Aragorn wasn't. Or rather the actor of Aragorn.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts..." {4}

"John... did you just hear that?" asked Orlando quite incredulously as he stared at the back of the older man, who was swaying his shoulders in a rhythm that only he seemed to know.

"And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan..."

The man dressed as a Dwarf just nodded, staring just as dumbfounded at the man in front of them as the elf.

"I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party, the way I'm disco-dancing!"

And if the little swaying of the man's shoulders wasn't enough, he now starting moving his arms, too, doing little circle-like movements.

"I'm a model, you know what I mean, and I do my little turn on the catwalk..."

A sway to the left side on the mud of Fangorn made the elf blink.

"Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk..."

And after the man added a full pirouette, he was grinning like a madman at both elf and dwarf. "Come on, it's easy! Join me in... I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car, too sexy by far..."

As the man dressed as a dwarf shyly joined the man singing and dancing, the one dressed as an elf only groaned and wanted to sink into a whole in the ground. He waited and waited for the director of this scene to cry "cut!" but it never happened. They were probably laughing their asses off.

"Oh my god, I created a monster..." he sighed as dwarf and man sang even louder.

"I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat, poor pussy, poor pussy-cat!"

"Please... stop..."

"I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me..."

"Please!" Orlando almost cried. "Anybody stop this!!!" Under any other circumstances he would have been lying on the floor, rolling from one side to the other, literally laughing his ass off, but he was way too much in his role as Legolas right now, and Legolas only wanted to vanish right now. He was almost sulking when he murmured, "I wanna die..."

"And I'm too sexy for this song!"

"MERCY!!!"

The End
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{1} Rock DJ by Robbie Williams
{2} Let Love Be Your Energy by Robbie Williams (as well)
{3} You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate
{4} I'm too sexy by Right Said Fred
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Okay... I know... VERY bad mental image... but I had to write it. *sweatdrops*