Fan Fiction ❯ As long as you're mine ❯ As long as you're mine ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

The clock chimed twelve noon but the room was still dark. The shades were drawn. Only a thin line of sunlight glittered the hard carpeted floor. The bed sat to the far end of the room. It was as neat as they get. Covers were pulled tight and pillows lay perfectly centered. Opposite wall stood a desk. The lamp was on casting a mellow light on the paperwork lain out. Stacks of folders stood high in the corner. The opposite corner piled books. The wall was plastered with newspaper clippings of criminals- mostly Slade.

And there he sat. He was hunched over with his forehead resting on the palm of his left hand. His right was drawn over the desk covering various pieces of paper.

His eyes were closed. His concentration lost. He sat in a half daze and half dream state. His thoughts filled with her.

With a growl he pushed his chair out and stood as he stretched. With a glance at the clock, he decided it would be a good time to head down to the rest of his team. He had taken to isolation more and more lately. The others had noticed. He had been questioned a few times with concern from Cyborg and their newest member, Wonder Girl. His answer was always the same. `I'm fine. Just working on case files.' It wasn't all a lie. He fully intended to work on his case files. And he would even start to work on them. But in no time his mind would wonder. He would aimlessly be reading the words but not taking in what he read. She would fill his mind yet again.

He made his way towards the door. Before he reached it he stopped and looked in the mirror on his closet door. His ebony hair had gotten longer. Actually, truth be told, he had gotten lazy. He hadn't had it cut in a while. It now fell just past his ears in a messy fashion. His mask still covered his eyes. His shirt was the same. His pants the same. His boots the same. His green gloves had gotten shorter and his belt held more gadgets. He had gotten taller. More muscular. Less social.

He ran a hand through his hair as he sighed and again continued for the door. With a hiss it opened into an empty hall. The tower sounded quiet. Strangely quiet. It was lunch time which meant a tofu/meat war. But today, there was no shouting.

He narrowed his eyes and made his way stealthily towards the kitchen. He stood in the door to see Wonder Girl behind the counter with head phones on, dancing to her music and cooking. He cocked his head to the side and grinned at her before turning and facing the others who occupied the room. Starfire sat at the table with their other new member, Kid Flash. They were engrossed in some conversation. It was apparent he was explaining something to her. She had an innocent curious look to her with wide green eyes and avid concentration to his words. He was saying something and demonstrating with his hands.

He turned and headed to the common where he presumed Cyborg and Beast Boy would be battling on gamestation since they were not battling over food. As he approached, again he found he was wrong. There were no shouts or game sounds. It seemed pretty quiet. He continued all the same. A few feet before the door, her voice drifted to his ears. Her words coming to him like a song he hadn't heard in years, when he knew he had just heard her speak last night.

“Kiss me too fiercely”

His breath became short and he stopped mid step. Her voice was carried to him like a flower's scent in the warm spring breeze. He took the few feet remaining that separated him and the door. He lurked in the shadows as he watched her like he had so many times before.

Her hair had gotten longer as well. Now past her shoulders and still a wonderful shade of violet. Her eyes closed lightly and her charka (sorry if I spelt this wrong) sparkled a bit in the sun. She sat cross-legged six or so inches off the floor facing diagonally to the window. Her cloak fell to the ground, brushing lightly against her bare legs in the breeze of the open pane. She had grown too in the past few years. Not looking like a young girl anymore, now she resembled a beautiful woman. Still dark and stoic in every manner, but undeniably beautiful. Her body curved like an hourglass. Her legs were long and slender. Her skin a soft shade of gray.

“Hold me too tight”

He felt his heart start to beat faster and he backed out of the doorframe. He grasped the wall for guidance as he slid down in a fetal position. His breathing was strained and his vision blurred.

It had gotten harder for him to be in her general vicinity now. Since his confession, his feelings have been… strained. He tried everything he could think of to become what she needed. Anything that would come to mind to make it possible for her to love him. And still, he would get weak around her. She was like a poison to his system. It shut everything down and stressed the others. And that poison… he couldn't get enough of.

Everyone in the tower had started taking time for a personal life. Starfire had finally given up on him and moved on. Though she still tries her subtle flirting every now and again. She and Speedy had been dating for a few months now. Kid Flash was trying this luck with Wonder Girl. Beast Boy had taken up a few other hobbies and Cyborg was doing something, though he was very quiet as to what. He had his suspicions. Raven was still herself. Even with her father's destruction, she kept to meditating. No one seemed to find the need to question it. He had stuck to his normal routine. Training, studying case files, breaking up mindless arguments between teammates, Raven…

Since their last… encounter… on this matter, they hadn't said a word about it. It kept him up most nights. He couldn't stop thinking about her. Longing to be with her. He still loved her. Loved her so much it hurt. Literally.

“I need help believing”

His chest was pounding and he felt a sudden pain. The anxiety of not being able to be with her and his longing desire to hold her was stressing him out more than any liability his job could hand him. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn't find the words to tell her what he felt. Though even if he could, he was too afraid to. Her rejection would hurt worse than anything else ever could. Worse than last time. Nor could he find the courage.

With each breath it felt as if his heart was being torn from him. A bolt of pain seared through his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut and lay his head back against the wall, clutching at his chest. She would be his destruction.

There were footsteps coming down the hall from the kitchen. Quickly he got to his feet and continued down the hall. He couldn't let his teammates see him like this. For his teammates to see this kind of weakness in him would mean they'd think he was ill and unable to perform his duties. They would think him incapable. This job was the only thing keeping him sane. The only thing he could grasp at. Without Raven, this was his only reason to live. To get up every morning instead of staying in bed letting the world pass him by.

“You're with me tonight”

The further he got away from her, the calmer he got. And at the same time, the emptier he felt.

I have to get over this. I have to at least find a way to function when she's near.

The same words he told himself every day.

He continued down the hall until he reached the computer room. The light shown through the bottom of the door. He knew who would be in there. With a shrug he entered to see what Cy was doing.

Cyborg looked to him with a half smile. “Hey, Rob.”

He nodded his acknowledgement before looking to the screen. There were a bunch of figures and stats flashing. Nothing made any sense to him. It looked like a different language. Perhaps it was.

“My wildest dreamings”

“What's this?”

Cyborg looked to him as if saying `you can't tell?' “I'm doing research.” And he turned back to the screen.

He waited for more of an answer. It didn't come. “On?”

“On… our enemy…” He stammered.

The manner in which Cyborg answered suggested there was more to what he was doing. But not wanting to push it too much, he dropped it.

In good time, he had come to learn to give his teammates space. Too much involvement did just as much harm as too little.

It wasn't long before an interruption was heard. Beast Boy yelled through the hall “LUNCH TIME.”

Robin turned with Cyborg at his heel. Without so much as a word, they ended up in the kitchen.

Everyone was seated around the table. Starfire, Kid Flash, Wonder Girl, Raven, Beast Boy and then two empty seats. Robin sat between Cyborg and Starfire where he had a clear view of Raven. He glanced at her. Her attention was being occupied by Beast Boy. He was attempting to hold a civilized conversation. And for once she actually seemed mildly interested.

“Could not foresee”

He tore his eyes from her. Kid Flash was again trying to woo Wonder Girl. Much to her amusement. Cyborg was piling his plate with food. And Starfire had begun her attempt at getting his attention. His eyes ended up back on Raven.

“It is nice to see you out of your room on this lovely day, Robin.” Starfire chirped.

Robin hadn't taken his eyes off Raven. She merely glanced to him when his name was mentioned. Their eyes met and that was it. She went back to Beast Boy's antics.

With an inward growl towards Beast Boy, he turned to Starfire. “Good to see you too, Star.”

She blushed a little. Robin rolled his eyes under his mask.

“Lying beside you”

“Well,” Wonder Girl started to address everyone. “I made three large pizza's with various toppings for the lot of you and a veggie pizza for BB and I to share. There are cheese sticks, Cole slaw and beverages as well. Stop chatting and eat.”

Cyborg grinned with his cheeks full of food.

“I see you already have.” Kid Flash laughed.

Lunch went on with various conversations. None of which gaining or keeping his attention. He'd aimlessly pretend to be interested in whatever Beast Boy or Wonder Girl would be saying to catch a glimpse of Raven. She ate very little and stayed out of most conversations as well. Though Robin not once caught her looking at him.

“With you wanting me”

“What's on the agenda today, Rob?” Wonder Girl asked grabbing his concentration from Raven.

“Uh… practice later. Then you're all free to do whatever.” He said lamely.

“You seem distracted. You ok, man?”

He looked to Cyborg whom had asked the question. Raven glanced up and everyone else got quiet too. “Fine. Just tired.”

“Perhaps you should try to get some more rest.” Starfire suggested.

“Just for this moment”

“Yeah.” He sighed, silently wishing he could.

“I could work on some files to lessen the load.” Wonder Girl offered.

He shook his head. “Actually, I think I'll head up to bed now. Catch a quick cat nap before we train later.” He pushed his chair back and looked to Raven from the corner of his eye. She was looking at him. Her expression blank as always.

Just once, he thought. I wish I could read yourmind. And he left them all.

“As long as you're mine”

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It had been hours since his dreams first started again for that night. Dreams filled with her, as always. They were usually pretty strange. Always her and him, occasionally the others as well, but the circumstances were… strange. It looked like them. Acted like them. Sounded, walked and talked like them. But it was generally not the tower where it took place in.

Tonight's would be no different.

She stood at the edge of the sidewalk, lavender hair blowing loosely in the wind. Her long black skirt rippled with the breeze as it blew the sides of her shirt as well, outlining her petit frame.

He watched from afar. He always watched her from afar. Her back was towards him. She didn't see him. She never saw him. Thistime would be different though. He would make sure of it. He started to close the gap between them. Slowly making his way over. With every step he felt as though his heart would burst. Only feet away he reached out his hand. It was inches from her silky locks. The wind blew it back and the ends tickled his fingertips.

He opened his mouth to speak when the light on the crosswalk changed…

“I've lost all resistance”

A light tapping on the door called him from his sleep. At first he was unsure of what woke him. His eyes shifted sleepily as he stifled a yawn. Again a light tap. It was a wonder he had awoken to it.

Climbing out of bed in only shorts and a white tee shirt, he made his way through the darkness to his door. It opened almost soundlessly.

Brilliant violet eyes shown in the dim hall's light.

He narrowed his eyes a bit and stepped to the side to allow her entrance. She brushed by him, her arm brushing his, sending tremors through his body.

Still puzzled, he closed the door and turned to look at her. But he couldn't make her out. She was sitting on his bed. He had heard it shift.

“And crossed some borderline”

He made his way to her blindly. She had never shown up like this before. Not unannounced in the night. Their chats had been minimal since… then. Hardly ever saying anything to each other. Something must be wrong. He grew concerned.

“You ok?” He asked quietly sitting at the head of his bed where he had previously been sleeping.

He felt her shift and figured she had turned to face him. His eyes were adjusting to the blackness as very little moon light shown through the crack in the curtain. The clouds must be covering the moon tonight. He could just barely make out her figure.

“Yes.” She said softly.

“And if it turns out”

He nodded. Now that she was here, there was so much he longed to say to her. So much had he planned should this occasion ever present itself. Now here, sitting with his dark obsession, he couldn't find the words or the valor to say anything. It was as if that day started all over again. So many thoughts filled his mind. All of them seemed useless.

She had come to him. Certainly there was a reason.

But she stayed quiet. Not a word. Not a movement.

He could see she wasn't dressed in her normal uniform either. She wore shorts and what looked to be a torn tee shirt. But he could barely tell. He could be mistaken.

He leaned against the head board keeping his eyes on her.

She looked to her lap. Her hands were folded and she rubbed them together a bit. He heard her sigh.

“It's over too fast”

“Are you sure there's nothing wrong?” He asked again.

Their last encounter being just the two of them had happened close to three years ago. It happened before the fall of her father. He had so many questions he wanted to ask her. So much he wanted to know. So much she wanted to tell her.

“Nothings wrong.” She said in her same quiet tone.

Though now he realized her monotone was not there.

Not wanting to push her away or make her feel pressured to talk, he kept quiet. But the unknowing was eating at him. He was dying to ask why she had come.

He felt the bed shake a bit. He tried to focus his gaze through the night. She was there, but not clearly visible. About a foot from the end of his bed, she sat. The shake ran through the bed again. Either she was shivering because she was cold. Or she was trembling because she was crying.

The room felt hot to him. So he went with the later. He scooted closer to her until only a foot separated them. “Raven.” He whispered.

“I'll make every last moment last”

Raven picked her head up to look at him. The little speck of moonlight glistened off her eyes. If she wasn't crying now, it hadn't been long since she had.

His expression softened more in concern for her. He wanted so badly to pull her into him and comfort her. Whatever the reason, he would make sure it would be ok. She didn't need to cry. The sight made his heart sink.

His hand seemed to rise on its own accord. He reached for the side of her face and connected with her cheek. He sat frozen, almost horrified at what he was doing. She was bound to throw him across the room for touching her.

“As long as you're mine”

But to his utter surprise she leaned her head against his hand. And he felt a tear confirm his suspicions of her cries. With his thumb he tenderly brushed it away.

“What's wrong?” He whispered.

He felt her shake her head in his hand. She trembled more and another tear fell.

He couldn't take it anymore. Against his better judgment, he pulled her in to him. He pressed her head against his chest and held her close with his one hand on the back of her neck, the other on the middle of her back.

Again he was pleasantly surprised. She brought her hands to his stomach first, slowly touching him. She pulled her hands back swiftly for a moment before she felt him again. This time she balled her fists full of his shirt and pulled him closer. She buried her face in his chest, her tears soaking his shirt.

“Maybe I'm brainless”

“Raven.” He whispered into her hair as his lips kissed her head.

For a long while they sat there. He held the distraught girl. She clung to him. Finally she pulled back. She kept her grasp on his shirt a while longer and lifted away from him. Slowly she brought her hands back as well, breaking all the contact between them.

He dampened a bit at the loss of her warmth.

Her hands brushed the sides of her hair behind her ears and she looked to him. Her eyes weren't so glossy anymore. Now they were just wide.

He yawned.

“Do you… want to stay here tonight?” He asked already knowing her answer. His voice was quiet and devoid of hope.

“Maybe I'm wise”

She nodded briefly and proceeded to climb to the head of his bed.

He watched her sideways, wondering if this was the same Raven he had been on the team with for the last five plus years. Late night visits, tears, staying in his room. And she knew his feelings towards her. She knew of his love. Of his obsession.

She crawled under the blankets and curled into a small ball on the opposite side as he was on. With a quizzical look, he followed suit, taking care to stay on his own side. He pulled the covers to his chest, while he lay on his back.

There they lay for a while longer. Raven was content or so he thought. He confused. In his own glory at having her in his bed, but at the same time fighting to keep from reaching for her.

“But you've got me seeing”

When he thought he couldn't take it any longer, she shifted. He felt the bed sink towards the middle and knew she had moved closer. Possibly inadvertently. Then all was still.

“Robin?” Her voice called almost inaudible.

“Yea?” He answered looking in her direction.

“Will you… hold me?”

He couldn't help but smile. “Of course.”

She climbed into him and laid her body pressed to the side of his. He put one arm under her head and the other reached for her hand. She willingly let him hold it.

Robin kissed her forehead. Not wanting to question his… luck… he had to ask her once more. “You sure nothing's wrong?”

She nodded.

“Through different eyes”

He sighed. It was killing him not to know. But he was in heaven all the same. He's loved her from afar for years now. And tonight, he gets to hold her close. He can feel her heart beat. Her body had stopped trembling and the knowledge that he helped that made him beam.

Raven was one girl no one in the right mind would want to mess with. Her temper was that of a demon. Pun fully intended. She held more power and more strength then most of his team combined. She was so dark, quiet and sarcastic. He would admit to anyone, she could be scary when provoked. Tonight she looked like a scared young girl. So innocent and needy. You would never associate the two to be the same enchanted woman.

Again she shook and he felt her move closer. She nuzzled her head into him. He stroked her hand.

“Somehow I've fallen”

He heard her whisper but the words were too quiet to hear. “What?” He asked feeling her heart beat against him.

She sighed. “You told me once; you can't help who you fall in love with. Remember?”

How could he forget? It was all too hard to forget. Her denial of his love for her.

“And you told me I should have tried.” He said back.

Unbeknown to him, she smiled. “Yes, I did.”

There was a silence that had engulfed him. He remembered that conversation all too clearly.

“Under your spell”

Her eyes widened. The couch behind her rose off the ground. After pulling her hand back, Raven closed her eyes and some how made it collapse with a soft thump.

She took a deep breath. “You know I can't love you. Why did you let this happen?” Her voice stayed as steady as it ever was. She had way too much control over that. It made it so hard to read her. He cursed his lack of power over his own.

“You can't help who you fall in love with.” His voice was shaky and a bit more fierce than he meant it to sound.

“You should have tried.” She was pleading with him. He heard it.

“You don't think I did?” He let a quiver out.

“You can't love me. You deserve someone who can return your love. Someone who can love you too. Someone to be happy with. You deserve to be happy. (She had been stern in her first few sentences, but the last one came out with sorrow) I can't give you any of that.”

“Just let me love you.” He said defiantly. He was defeated and his worse fear realized. She doesn't love me.

“I still haven't given up on you.” He whispered hoping she wouldn't leave him after he said it.

“And somehow I'm feeling”

Instead he felt her chuckle a bit. “That's because you're too stubborn to let it go. Whether you still… feel that way or not. It's just easy and familiar.”

Robin twisted his head a bit. “Easy? You think seeing you every day, knowing I can never be with you, is easy? Listening to you talk, watching you work, seeing you look at everyone but me is easy? You talk to Beast Boy more than me. Tell me how that is easy? You pushed me away. It kills me to know you don't love me. I'd hate to know what hard feels like.”

His tone wasn't bitter. It was even. He didn't mean to say all that. It just came out. Things he had wanted to say for a long time. She would hardly look at him after that conversation years ago. And her actually speaking to him was less often than her looking at him. It killed him. It felt like she was taking his heart at and squeezing it in front of his face.

“It's `up' that I fell”

“I suppose easy wasn't the right word.” She said back.

This time he sighed. “Sorry.”

She balled her fists around his shirt again. He felt her push away a little.

“I should go.” Raven whispered.

His grasp on her became stronger. “Don't. I'm sorry. I didn't mean…”

She laughed a little again, causing him to break in his words. Instead of getting up completely, she turned her head to face him, resting her cheek on her palm she had propped under her. Her other hand still balled around his shirt and still being held by his hand. “Why?”

“Every moment
As long as you're mine”

“Why what?”

“Why do you still love me?” She said the word `love' like it was poison.

“I… don't know how to stop. It's like a fire I can't seem to put out. Why don't you love me? I've tried to be everything you need. Strong. Stable. Responsible. It never seems to be enough. You still don't notice me.”

Raven smiled a little. “You're such a fool, Robin.”

He sat quiet hoping she would elaborate. Although he did feel the fool around her most of the time. He would stumble over himself constantly trying to get her attention.

“I'll wake up my body

And make up for lost time”

“What was the last thing I said to you?”

Robin searched his memory. It was this morning. Two words. “No thanks.”

She shook her head. “I don't mean today. I mean back then.”

“Oh.” That was easy. That whole night was engraved into his soul. “'I never said I don't love you.'”

“Right.” She confirmed in a murmur.

“You never said you did either.” He pointed out.

“Say there's no future

For us as a pair”

“I told you why-“

“That was then.” He said cutting her off. “Since then a lot has happened. You got mad at BB yesterday and nothing exploded. You were crying tonight and nothing happened. So… I don't understand. Either you don't or…” He couldn't bring himself to say it. It would be a cruel way for her to laugh at him when she said `yea right'.

“Robin, my life is complicated. My existence is complex. I'm not like you.”

“Yes you are. The only difference is what you feel comes out with consequences.”

“And that makes me different.”

“I like that you're different. It's one of your best qualities.” He said running a hand through the back of her hair.

She laughed a little.

“And though I may know

I don't care”

“Tell me something -the truth- and I'll stop trying to convince you that I am worth your time.”

“What?”

“Just for this moment

As long as you're mine”

He heard the slight amusement in her voice It brought a smile to his face as well. “Do you love me?”

“Like I said before, you are all my family. Of course I love you.”

“You know what I mean?” He said with a small frown.

She was quiet. For a long time she stayed that way. A real long time. He didn't think it was that hard of a question. A yes or a no would suffice. Her lack of response made him dread what she would say next.

“I'm worried.”

Robin narrowed his eyes.

“I thought my father was gone last time. Even with the prophecy known, he was supposed to be dead. Is he really dead this time?”

“You were his portal and you destroyed him. We all saw it.”

“I was the portal. And I'm still alive. So doesn't that mean he could come back again? Through me?” She said in monotone, her voice null of the fret she really was feeling.

“No. Slade said the prophecy was fulfilled once he came back. The prophecy is over now. He's gone.” He ran his hand up her arm to her cheek once again. And once again she let him. “Now answer my question.” He said gently. “Do you love me?”

“Come be how you want to

And see how bright we shine”

Again she avoided answering. She lay back down against him. With her mind she pulled the blankets up to her mid back and curled next to him. Her hand still held a fist full of his shirt.

He shook his head. “If you don't, just say so. I'm a big boy, I can handle it.” Though hearing her say it, he would fall apart. He only went on each day holding on to those words that she never said she didn't love him. That always held a possibility. Her silence was making the likelihood smaller.

“Are you scared to love me?”

She still said nothing. But he found that to be a very good likelihood. She had never known love. It was scary to think that you could feel so strongly about one person it hurt. And he thought it from experience. So he had to tell her. All of it. His entire obsession. If there was a stronger word, he'd use it.

“Borrow the moonlight

Until it is through”

He spoke softly. “I'm scared. Because if something ever happened to you… if I ever lost you… I would go insane. You fill my mind constantly. When I sleep, you're all I think about. I can't work on case files because I know you're here somewhere and I want to be with you. Even when I know you won't come within ten feet of me. For such a long time I always felt my life had no meaning. I had nothing to live for. My parents are… gone. Then I found you. I had hope. You made me want to be better than what I was. I had to find a way to show you I could be all you ever needed. Someone you could rely on. Someone you could trust. And in that time, I accidentally fell in love with you. All this time I knew you didn't love me. But I felt so good to have you around. To hear your voice. And even with you far away, I felt alive.” He stopped for a minute. She was being very quiet. She hadn't moved since he started. He could barely feel her breathing. “Having you in my arms tonight made me realize how much I really do need you. I haven't breathed air this pure in my whole life. My heart is pounding. I feel dizzy and sick but I like it. I don't ever want it to go away. I can't ever let you go, Raven. I'll just… die.”

He couldn't help but feel it to be the truth. His need of her had made him pass out before. Or in that case, it was his lack of her. Or perhaps both.

Still she didn't give any response. Not a movement or a sound. If it wasn't for her unsteady breathing, he would have thought her to be asleep.

“Just tell me.” He said in silence. “Do you love me?”

She trembled next to him. He thought she was crying again. He scooted himself down so his face was level with hers. She still held his shirt causing it to go up as he slid down. Her eyes were wide. By no means was she asleep.

“And know I'll be here holding you

As long as you're mine.”

He brought his hand to her face again and rested it on her cheek, rubbing it with his thumb. The next thing he did scared even him. He brushed her hair from her eyes and leaned in. When their lips touched, her grasp on his shirt grew tighter. He didn't move back.

His hand inched through her hair.

“What is it?”

For a moment Raven was frozen. Her eyes still wide, but now filled with panic. Her hand holding his shirt balled tighter, her other hand did the same to her own shirt. But when he kissed her more, she let herself go. Her eyes closed. It was as if she felt his love for her come seeping in to her through his kiss. She became warm. Relaxed and at the same time tense. The sick feeling he had been describing was multiplied inside of her. She wanted it to stay there always.

When he realized she was letting him kiss her he stopped fighting his desire to hold her close. His hand went to the small of her back and pulled her in. He kissed her again.

She kissed him back.

“It's just-- for the first time, I feel wicked.”