Fan Fiction ❯ Battle Tokyo ❯ One-Shot

Battle Tokyo

By Houou Kazoku-Kaga

Disclaimer: Don't own Iron Chef, Godzilla, King Kong, Bowser, Ralph or Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.

This fic is dedicated to Soichiro Koriyama, Noriaki Imai and Naoko Takato, the people that were held hostage in Iraq, but were found. Thank goodness they're safe.

Warnings: Disregard for human life, Hosoki bashing, killer Koizumi.

Kaga: [runs into the room with a grin, a crazy look in his eyes, and the Giant Ray Gun] I've done it! I've come up with the best idea for a battle ever!!!

Morimoto: Not doing it. Your last idea got us in trouble.

Kaga: This one won't get us in trouble…much.

Morimoto: That's it, I'm leaving. [gets up to leave]

[Kaga fires on Morimoto. Morimoto becomes giant. Kaga fires the gun at everyone else, then himself. Everyone is now giant.]

Kaga: MWHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Get Silver Boy! [Everyone gives him strange looks.] Fine! I'll get Silver Boy! [He takes off his cape and ties Morimoto up with it.

Morimoto: Mmmph Mmmph Mmmph Mmmph Mmmph!

Kaga: You're welcome! [faces camera crew on helicopter] If memory serves me right, all our challengers have been (mostly) human…

Chen: When did an alien challenge us?

Kaga: And really, that's just unfair. Monsters can be chefs too. So I have invited a very famous monster to be our challenger. Okay, let's bring him on. Hailing from God-knows-where-cause-the-author-sure-as-heck-doesn't, Gojira!

[Godzilla rises out of the water in typical Godzilla fashion.]

Chen: Kaga's lost it.

Kobe: Only he would bring Godzilla here to battle.

Sakai: Hey, how come we have to say the American name while Kaga-san gets to say the original Japanese name?

Kaga: Because I'm subtitled. [sticks out tongue] Gojira-san, welcome.

Godzilla: Nice to be here.

Kobe: Whoa! He speaks English! Or Japanese. Whatever we're speaking now.

Kaga: Okay, let's summon the pride of Gourmet Academy, my Iron Chefs. Yomeagaru Aiyan-Oh, here they are. [Everyone sweatdrops.] So Gojira-san, who will it be?

Godzilla: Mmmm…Sakai.

Fukui: Hey! I'm finally in the show! Godzilla's chosen Sakai, the Delacroix of French Cuisine and you know the rest.

Kaga: Since we are having the first monster challenger in Kitchen Stadium…sort of, I thought of the perfect ingredient. And we're standing in it. Kyo no wa tema, kore desu! [Everyone gives him a strange look again.] Kyo no wa tema Tokyo!

[Godzilla gives a toothy grin. Sakai looks mortified.

Hattori: [whispers] The prime minister's gonna kill us.

Fukui: Challenger Godzilla and Iron Chef Sakai will be battling with (gulp) Tokyo. This should be…interesting. Let's get it on!

Kaga: Allez cuisine!

Fukui: Bang a gong, we are on! And the chefs are tearing through Tokyo looking for the ingredients they will be using. And it looks like Godzilla's back first, and he's getting the rice cooker ready.

Ota: Fukui-san!

Fukui: Yes Ota!

Ota: I spoke to the challenger about the ingredient and Godzilla says the key to Tokyo dishes is in the age of the buildings used. The newer the better. As for the ingredients, he has gotten humans, cherry blossom trees, many buildings, vehicles, park land, and-this may surprise you-bullet trains.

Fukui: What's up with that?

Hattori: Well, many monsters like to get trains for the people inside, but I've heard of monsters recently treating the trains as frankfurters.

Ota: Fukui-san!

Fukui: Yes!

Ota: I asked the same question to Sakai-san, and his response was `Tokyo? Koizumi's gonna kill us!' Then he said that he's never used Tokyo as a theme ingredient before, but he'll do his best.

Fukui: Oh, look! Sakai's putting water into a pot. For soup, maybe?

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voice: 15 minutes have elapsed.

Hattori: Now do you see what the challenger's doing? He's mixing humans into the rice.

Fukui: Human rice, huh? Can't find this at any restaurant.

[Godzilla picks up La Rochelle for more humans.]

Sakai: Leave my restaurant alone! Take Chen's!

Chen: Hey!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voice: 20 minutes have elapsed.

Fukui: Whoa! Check that out! Sakai's using car tires as batter on these skyscraper dumplings!

Hattori: They're dumplings? Did you catch what he put in them?

Ota: Fukui-san, I have the answer. The Iron Chef has mixed pieces of the Tokyo Tower, asphalt, concrete, crushed humans, and assorted buildings, which has been stuffed into skyscrapers, which are being battered as we speak.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voice: 30 minutes have elapsed.

Ota: Godzilla is making hot dogs out of the bullet trains!

Hattori: There, see? Just like I told you.

Fukui: He still hasn't used those sakura trees. I wonder what he's planning.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voice: 20 minutes to go.

Fukui: Soup's on!

Hattori: Mmm, I can smell it all the way over here.

Ota: Fukui-san!

Fukui: Go!

Ota: Sakai has gotten all the candy stores together and is beginning to make a dessert.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voice: 10 minutes to go.

Hattori: It looks like Sakai-san's done with his dessert.

Fukui: And with ten minutes to go, Godzilla's finally using the sakura trees.

Ota: Fukui-san!

Fukui: Take it!

Ota: What Godzilla has in the salad he's making are trees, cars, windows, bad art, televisions, pieces of buildings, and other things I can't identify.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voice: 5,4,3,2,1 [BONG!!!!]

Fukui: That's it, the Tokyo Battle is OVAH!

Ota: [to Godzilla] So, how was the battle?

Godzilla: Well, one hour's too short. You can't really wreck cities in an hour, and having to make dishes puts additional pressure on us monsters.

Ota: How'd your dishes turn out?

Godzilla: Hmm…pretty good, by monster standards.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Ota: This is the first time you've used Tokyo as the theme. How do you think you did? Sakai-san?

[Sakai is huddled in a corner, shaking.]

Sakai: Never…again…

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Fukui: Challenger Godzilla has three dishes. First, Tokyan Tossed Salad.

Second, Bullet Train Hot Dogs, and then Human Rice. Iron Chef Sakai also has three dishes. First, the Soup of Tokyo, then Tire Breaded Skyscraper Dumplings. Finally, Candy Store Ice Cream. Now for the special all-monster tasting and judgement. On the panel, menace of New York City, King Kong. The king of the Koopa Kingdom, Bowser. From Rampage World Tour, Ralph. And fortuneteller Kazuko Hosoki.

Hosoki: I am not a monster!

Fukui: [ignores Hosoki] First the dishes of Challenger Godzilla.

[Judges eat salad]

Bowser: This salad is okay for a starter, but I think having so many ingredients in this dish killed the taste. [breathes fire, burining the salad to a crisp]

Ralph: I like the different ingredients. They all bring different flavors in my mouth, and I like the mixture.

[Judges eat bullet trains]

[Hosoki has a disturbed look as she tentatively bites the bullet trains.]

Hosoki: OWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! These hot dogs are too hard!

Kong: Naw, are you kidding? These are great!

Bowser: Yeah! [torches Hosoki]

[Judges eat human rice]

Ralph: I love how you combined most of Tokyo's population in the rice. It's yummy!

[Hosoki spits out the rice.]

Kong: Nice and tender.

Ralph: The challenger has had experience with this ingredient before, so he knows how to utilize its taste. These dishes really demonstrate his abilities as a monster.

Hosoki: You mean he's a bad chef.

Ralph: Is not.

Fukui: And now the dishes of Iron Chef Sakai.

[Judges eat soup]

Sakai: I used governmental buildings to make the broth.

Hosoki: The soup is rather delicious. But it might be, shall we say, a bit plain?

[Judges eat dumplings]

Bowswe: Mmm…tires! [eats the dumpling in one bite]

Kong: The Iron Chef's dumpling is one of the most creative ways of using Tokyo I've ever seen.

Ralph: You've never used this ingredient before?

Sakai: No.

Ralph: Could have fooled me.

[Judges eat candy stores.]

Bowser: I'm not big on this. The stores are too diverse in stock to be used together.

Kong: I agree. It would have been better to keep them separate.

Ralph: For someone who has never used this theme before, he certainly gave us interesting dishes.

Fukui: Whose bridge will fall down? We'll find out in a moment.

[Everyone assembles in Kitchen Stadium]

Kaga: Tokyo. A city of business, technology, and darn tasty too. Both chefs have fought very well. The score was tied, 2 to 2, so the match will be decided by points. Here's the verdict.

[While Fukui's saying his stuff…]

Kobe: Oh, please don't tie, the prime minister will kill us if we have to use Osaka for the tiebreaker.

Chen: The prime minister's gonna kill us anyway.

Kobe: 0_0

Fukui: Whose Cuisine Reign's Supreme?!

Kaga: Choshencha Gojira!

Fukui: It's the challenger! [Godzilla gives Sakai a bear hug, nearly choking the life out of him.] And what a display! A happy victory for Godzilla! Now the scores…

Ota: Uh, Fukui-san?

Fukui: Huh?

[Ota turns Fukui's head to see an angry Koizumi holding a samurai sword.]

Koizumi: DIE!!!

[Everyone save one runs away from the irate prime minister, leaving a wrecked city and…]

Morimoto: Mmmph Mmmph Mmmph!