Fan Fiction ❯ Beast boy's anguish ❯ Chapter 1

Just as a warning, Beast boy is going to be very out of character in this fic but there's a reason for it. This fic addresses a possibility of what could have happened with Beast boy after Aftershock pt.II.

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans and I probably never will.

 

It came as a complete shock to everyone in Titans tower. They knew he'd been depressed ever since “the incident” as he'd made no effort to hide it. They found it funny how even after so long, about half a year, they still called it that. Or maybe it wasn't so funny after all. It still bothered them immensely, though none of them were affected nearly as badly as he was. At first it seemed as though he would recover, but he slowly sank into a deep dark depression that made even Raven's usual attitude seem rather cheerful. Who would have thought it was possible? After all, next to Star he was the most cheerful and lively of the team. Of course deep down they all knew how greatly he suffered. Terra was after all the person he cared about the most. Even so, they still didn't expect him to take it as far as he did. He had become obsessed with finding a way to bring her back but it was quickly becoming hopeless. Raven searched all of her books for spells and Robin conducted extensive research on how to reverse the effects of petrification but neither one found anything. Raven had tried on many occasions to get him away from the computer but when he kept refusing she confronted him about it and she was entirely unprepared for his reaction.

 

“Beast boy.” She had addressed him as she walked into the computer room.

 

“What?”

 

“You need to get away from that computer and get some sleep, it's unhealthy for you to do what you're doing.” Beast boy turned to her and glared.

 

“I'm not going to stop until I find a cure. You guys may have given up but I won't. If the only reason you're here is to get me to stop then just leave.”

 

“Look, do you think that Terra would want you to destroy yourself like this? Somehow I don't think so.” Beast boy froze and stood up from his chair and walked to the doorway which was where she had been standing.

 

“Don't talk to me about what Terra would want. Ever since she first showed up you've been nothing but hostile towards her. Even after she showed up again and proved that she could control her powers you didn't trust her.” He was in Raven's face now and she could tell that not only was he depressed but he was also angry, so intensely angry that it was almost hateful.

 

“And I was proved right for not trusting her. She attacked us of her own free will Beast boy, she was evil.” His next action was entirely unanticipated as it was totally out of character for him. He backhanded her across the face, snapping her head to one side.

 

“Don't you EVER say that again!” He shouted. Raven put a hand on her now reddened cheek and slowly turned to look at him. He sneered at her as he spoke.

 

“You don't know anything!” He brought his arms to his sides and clenched his fists tightly. He clenched them so tightly that blood began to seep between his fingers. Beast boy took no notice. “I spent more time with her than anyone, I knew all of her insecurities and how confused and messed up she was. Slade somehow figured this out as well and turned it against her. He convinced her that we weren't her friends and that we would only hurt her. Guess what? He was right. She didn't betray us Raven, we betrayed her…I betrayed her.” He added the last part weakly and Raven could clearly see the anguish on his face as he fought back a stream of tears.

 

“When she needed me the most, when she was hurting I turned my back on her and told her that she didn't have any friends. She apologized to me Raven, she said she was sorry and I hurt her. I could have saved her, I could have gotten her away from Slade but I was so hurt that I wasn't thinking clearly and I pushed her away. It's my fault that she's a statue and I'm going to find a way to get her out, rather you guys help or not.”

 

“Beast boy…” Raven said softly. Beast boy hadn't told anyone about that and the news came as a shock to her.

 

“Leave.” He said softly.

 

“Beast boy I…”

 

“Just go!” He shouted. Raven slowly turned around and headed back to the commons room where everyone else was waiting. The door closed behind her and she didn't see him collapse to his knees but she could still hear his sobbing as she walked away.

 

Raven entered the commons room and the rest of the Titans turned to her, waiting anxiously for her report.

 

“How'd it go?” Cyborg asked, afraid of what the answer might be.

 

“Just peachy.” Raven said sarcastically as she turned her head so the others could see her reddened cheek. Everyone gasped at the sight. Beast boy had never struck one of his teammates unless he had to.

 

“Why has Beast boy attacked you?” Starfire asked, obviously upset.

 

“It was my fault. I called Terra evil.” Cyborg winced.

 

“Oooh, big no-no.” He said.

 

“That's not all though. I've found some things out.”

 

“Like?” Robin asked, hoping they could use the new information to help Beast boy somehow. Raven sighed.

 

“He blames himself for Terra turning against us. He says that she apologized but he turned her away.”

 

“Oh that just makes our situation so much easier.” Robin muttered.

 

“That's not all. While he was talking to me I got a glimpse at some of his memories. From what I've gathered he watched his parents die and he feels guilty about that as well.”

 

“Oh man.” Cyborg said. “That's a lot of guilt for one person to bear on their own.”

 

“Robin, I worry for our friend Beast boy. He will not let any of us help him with his troubles and he keeps getting more and more into the depression.”

 

“I know Star and I wish that there was something I could do but if he won't open up to us then we can't force him.” The Titans all looked stressed and vulnerable. Beast boy's demeanor had affected everyone on the team and it certainly wasn't for the better.

 

“Maybe I should talk to him.” Cyborg said, getting up off the couch.

 

“Good luck.” Said Raven. “Just be careful about what you say to him, he's very sensitive right now.” Cyborg nodded and headed for the computer room. When he got there he knocked on the door. No one answered.

 

“B? Can I come in?” Nothing. “Come on man I know you're in there. I just want to talk alright?” He heard a groan from the other side of the door. “BB? You alright in there?” No response. Cyborg put in the code to open the door but found it was locked. “Alright man this is freakin me out. I'm gonna break this door down if you don't open it.” Still nothing. Cyborg cursed under his breath and drew back a fist. With a mighty yell he punched the door as hard as he could, knocking it to the floor. He stepped in and gasped at the sight before him. He quickly pushed an emergency button on the wall to his right and an emergency alarm rang throughout the tower. In a flash the others were there but quickly wished they weren't. Beast boy lay unconscious on the floor in a pool of his own blood. Cyborg rushed over to him and checked for a pulse.

 

“He's still alive, but barely.”

 

“Get him to the infirmary!” Robin shouted and Cyborg ran off. He reached the end of the hallway that the computer room was in and turned into a door on his left. The room inside was all white and smelled of cleanliness. Cyborg quickly found a bed and place Beast boy on it. He then began to search his body for the source of the blood and quickly found it. Beast boy had cut his own wrists. This wasn't some half baked attempt at suicide either, there was no hesitation and there was no holding back. Beast boy hadn't just left small slits no, he'd known exactly what he was going to do and he'd had every intention of going through with it. The other Titans entered the room and Cyborg called Raven over to him.

 

“So what happened?” Robin asked, hoping the obvious answer wasn't true.

 

“He cut his wrists.” That simple answer explained everything. After Raven had left him, Beast boy couldn't bear the grief anymore and locked himself in the computer room in the hopes that no one would find him until after the deed had been done. No one could believe it. Raven quickly did her best to heal the wounds and managed to mostly stop the flow of blood. Cyborg then wrapped his wrists with gauze after applying some peroxide to the wounds. He then proceeded to a refrigeration unit next to the door and opened it and began searching. Luckily every once in awhile the Titans gave some blood up for refrigeration just in case they needed it and now they needed it more than ever. Cyborg took out a blood filled bag and hooked it up on a tall pole. He then cleaned and disinfected a spot on Beast boy's forearm and jabbed an IV into it.

 

“I just hope we got to him quick enough.” Cyborg said solemnly. That was about two or three weeks ago. Although Beast boy had now regained enough blood to function normally he remained unconscious the whole time. During that time Raven tried repeatedly to get into his mind to try and coax him back into the world of the living but each time she found that he'd put up some kind of mental block to keep her out. Cyborg had hooked up two more IVs to his arm, one to give him liquids and the other to give him nutrients though it seemed to be a waste. Beast boy just didn't want to wake up. The Titans kept shifts watching over him and thankfully no crimes had been committed since Slade had been taken down. The weather however had not been so nice. For the last week it had been doing nothing but rain, almost as if the very Earth itself knew of the tragedy that had taken place inside the tower. Through all this time, the Titans that weren't watching over Beast boy would often go into the infirmary and talk to him though they weren't sure if he could hear or not.

 

On this day Raven was watching Beast boy and Starfire had decided to visit. She walked in and saw that Raven was reading one of her books. She walked over to Raven and put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and Star addressed her.

 

“You may go take a break Raven.”

 

“I'm fine Star, don't worry.”

 

“I would like to speak with Beast boy…alone.” Raven nodded and stood up to leave the room.

 

“Thank you Raven. I shall call you when I am done.” Raven nodded and left without another word. Starfire sat down in the chair that Raven had been occupying and took one of Beast boy's hands in her own.

 

“I do not know if you can hear me Beast boy but please wake up. I know that you no longer wish to be alive but you must not give up. We are your friends and we wish for your well being and seeing you like this is hurting all of us.” Star began crying. “I know that losing Terra has made you sad but she would not want you to do this to yourself…to your friends.” Her tears splashed on Beast boy's hand but she didn't even notice that she was crying. “Life is a most precious gift Beast boy. It is a gift that must not be given up.” She sniffed and felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw that Robin had come to see him as well.

 

“You okay?” He asked softly. Star shook her head.

 

“I want Beast boy to come back to us Robin. Why does he not come back to us?”

 

“I wish I knew Star. We all want him back, but he'll only come back when he wants to, if he wants to.”

 

“Do not say that Robin. Beast boy is our friend and would not abandon us. He will come back, he must come back.” She began to sob and Robin stood her up and pulled her into an embrace. She cried into his shoulder.

 

“I hope so Star. I hope so.” Their moment was interrupted as red lights began flashing and an alarm sounded. Robin scowled. Villains didn't have any sense of decency. Robin pulled out of the embrace and held Star at an arm's length.

 

“You gonna be okay?” He asked, wiping the tears from her eyes. She nodded and they both rushed to the commons room. Beast boy would be fine without them for a little while. When they got to the commons room, they saw Cyborg hunched over their main computer.

 

“What's going on?” Robin asked upon entering the room. Cyborg looked up.

 

“Two things. First, Terra's missing and two, someone's activated the tower's external defenses.” Upon closer inspection of the monitors, Cyborg suddenly looked depressed. “Looks like someone smashed Terra. There's nothing but rubble there now.” The Titans were distracted from the monitor as they heard a loud banging on their front door. Robin grit his teeth.

 

“We'll have to look into it later, we've got more important things to worry about now. Titans! Go!” They all rushed to the front door and prepared for battle. Cyborg warmed up his sonic cannon, Star charged up her starbolts, Robin got out a couple birdarangs, and Raven floated up into the air, prepared to grab whoever was behind the door with her powers. Robin crept forward carefully, ready to leap back in case the door fell inward. When he reached it he punched in the code for opening it and it slowly slid open. When the door finally did open Robin was surprised at who was on the other side and was quick to react.

 

“Stop!” He yelled before anyone could throw their attacks. “Titans! Stand down.” Everyone reluctantly dropped their guard and stared at Robin quizzically. They watched as Robin stepped aside and the figure walked into the tower and stepped into the light.

 

“Terra!” Starfire shouted gleefully. Everyone crowded around her, temporarily forgetting Beast boy.

 

“Star please…let…go.” Terra said, attempting to worm her way out of Starfire's bone crushing hug.

 

“It's good to have you back Terra.” Said Robin.

 

“How's my favorite little rock-n-roller?” Cyborg asked.

 

“Aren't you guys mad at me? I mean, I'm glad you're happy that I'm back but I didn't think you'd ever trust me again.” Terra said, looking down sadly.

 

“You saved our lives, took down Slade, and saved the city. I'd say that more than makes up for your mistakes.” Said Raven.

 

“Thanks you guys, though I really don't deserve it.”

 

“Everyone deserves a second chance.” Said Robin.

 

“Thanks. Hey, where's Beast boy?” The small celebration abruptly stopped and gloom settled on the group.

 

“Beast boy is…” Star began.

 

“Not well.” Robin said glumly.

 

“Then I'll just go up to his room, I'm sure he'll be glad to see me.”

 

“He's not in his room.” Said Raven. “He's in the infirmary.”

 

“Oh, I'll just go see him there then.” The Titans visibly flinched.

 

“I'll take her.” Raven volunteered before anyone could ask. Terra looked at her funny but she began walking away. “Follow me.” Terra didn't understand what was going on but she was quickly becoming nervous. When they reached the infirmary, Terra moved to walk in but Raven stopped her.

 

“Beast boy isn't awake.” She warned. Terra didn't understand so she continued. “He's been in a coma for about two or three weeks now.” Terra gasped.

 

“What happened?”

 

“After you became a statue, Beast boy slowly but surely sank down into depression. For six months it kept getting worse and worse until…” A light behind Raven exploded. “He stayed at a computer trying to find a way to get you out. We kept trying to get him to come out but he wouldn't do it. One day after I tried talking to him Cyborg decided to try and cheer him up. He called to Beast boy to let him in but no one answered. He had to break down the door. He called an alarm and the rest of us rushed to see what was going on. When we got there he was…lying in a pool of his own blood.” Several more lights in the hallway exploded. “He had slit his own wrists Terra, he tried to kill himself. We got him hooked up to an IV and got some blood into him but it was barely enough. We weren't sure if he'd survive but he did. He's got enough blood in him now that he should be able to get up and act normally. The only problem is that he doesn't want to wake up. I've tried accessing his mind but he always blocks me and keeps me out. He won't even talk to me.”

 

“But why?” Terra asked. “Why would he do that?”

 

“Because he blames himself for you turning against us.”

 

“What?! That's insane! How could it be his fault?”

 

“Because he hurt you. He told me what happened. He said you said you were sorry but he turned you away.”

 

“But I didn't have to go to Slade. That was my choice, not his.”

 

“But would you have made the same decision if he'd said something differently?”

 

“I…no, I would've come back.”

 

“Don't feel guilty though. That isn't the only thing that drove him to do what he did. When I talked to him I felt that he had more guilt than just for what he did to you so I got a look at one of his memories. His parents died when he was young and he feels that he should've been able to prevent it. He feels guilty that he couldn't save them. It was those two things combined that became too much for him.” Raven stepped aside and allowed Terra to pass, deciding to give her some alone time with Beast boy. Terra walked in and over to the bed he was on. She immediately broke down into tears.

 

“Beast boy I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” She sobbed over his prone form. She took one of his hands in both of hers and began rubbing it.

 

“I didn't even get to tell you how I feel. Please, come back to me Beast boy.”

 

In Beast boy's mind he'd been fighting a battle. A battle that he was winning. Sure, he knew it was only in his mind but it was better than going back to the real world without...her, without Terra. He'd heard the others' pleas for him to come back and he'd felt Raven probing his mind but he didn't care anymore. All he cared about was this battle. Ever since Cyborg fixed him up he'd been fighting Slade, torturing him for the things he'd done to Terra and for what he'd made her do. Over and over he'd kill him in many different ways, always slowly and painfully. He'd learned all his methods from Africa. Living in such a place could really teach you a thing or two. After all, you had to catch a lot of your own food which meant you had to use a lot of different kinds of traps, painful traps, traps that if used correctly could make a person wish they were dead. He took glee in watching Slade suffer, enjoyed shedding his blood over and over and over again and he especially loved the agonized yells coming from the man. Faintly he heard Starfire crying over him and trying to persuade him to go back. Yeah right, as if that would ever happen. Life's just too painful for that. He then heard the alarm.

 

“Good, maybe they'll leave me alone now.” He thought to himself. He turned back to Slade, whom he had tied to a wall so that he couldn't move even an inch.

 

“You'll never break me!” He hissed. “And that wench Terra? I hope your happy about what you've done. Such a work of art if I do say so myself.”

 

“Shut Up!” Beast boy shouted before running up to Slade and giving him a vicious uppercut to the gut. Specks of blood flew out of the mouthpiece on the mask and Beast boy laughed. He would have said something but he heard something familiar.

 

“Oh great.” He groaned to himself. “When will they…wait a minute.” He listened closer. Something told him that this wasn't one of the others. He heard sobbing. “That sounds like…no, it's probably one of Raven's mind tricks. I can't believe she'd do that to me. Oh well, it's not like I'm gonna fall for it.” He turned his attention back to Slade.

 

“Beast boy I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” More sobbing.

 

“Terra? No. She's gone, it can't be her.”

 

“I didn't get to tell you how I feel. Please, come back to me Beast boy.” A light flickered into existence in front of Beast boy. He reached out to touch it but hesitated.

 

“What if it isn't Terra?” He asked no one in particular. “What if I'm just imagining this? I don't think I'll be able to handle it if I go back and she's still gone.” Everything around Beast boy except the light faded from existence. “Guess I've made up my mind.” He chuckled to himself. He reached out and touched the light and instantly blacked out. When he awoke he found he couldn't see a thing as his vision was quite blurry. As it slowly cleared he could make out the face of a blonde girl sitting in a chair next to his bed. He couldn't believe his eyes.

 

“T…Terra?” He asked weakly. He noticed that she was dripping wet and that some of her hair was plastered to her face. He would've raised his hand to wipe the hair away but he could feel it being rubbed. Beast boy tightened his grip on the hand that was holding his and the rubbing stopped. Terra looked up to see that he was looking at her. She looked into his eyes for a minute before she actually realized he was awake.

 

“Beast boy?” She asked. “You're awake? You're alright?” He sat up and nodded. She pulled him into a tight hug and cried on his shoulder. After about a minute they broke apart and Beast boy wiped her tears away.

 

“I'm glad you're back Terra.”

 

“Me too.” Suddenly she began to glare at him. “The others told me about what you tried to do.” She said angrily. Beast boy looked away, ashamed.

 

“I'm sorry Terra, it's just that…” She put her hands on his head and turned it so that he was looking at her again and put an index finger to his mouth.

 

“Don't apologize to me, say it to the others. Can you walk?” He shrugged his shoulders. He gently lowered himself to the floor and stumbled and almost fell. Terra took one of his arms and put it around her neck so she could support him. They walked out into the hall and headed to the commons room. Everyone was going about their daily business and didn't notice the pair enter the room. Terra cleared her throat loudly which caught everyone's attention. They were all surprised to see Beast boy awake and rushed over to see him.

 

“Beast boy you are awake! What a glorious occasion!” Starfire shouted excitedly.

 

“It's about time.” Raven said, though a smirk could be seen on her face.

 

“Glad to see that you're back man.” Said Cyborg.

 

“Welcome back to the world of the living.” Said Robin.

 

“Beast boy has something to say to you guys.” Said Terra. Everyone quieted down. Beast boy rubbed the back of his head nervously.

 

“Guys, I've been such a jerk to you all and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. Even when I was lying in that bed I could hear you trying to get me to wake up but I'd stopped caring. I'm sorry I hurt you guys and I promise I'll never do that again.”

 

“Apology accepted.” They all said in unison.

 

“You look pretty cold, do you want a towel?” Robin asked Terra. Terra, just realizing how cold she really was, shivered.

 

“That would be nice, thanks. After that I'd like to get this armor off.” She said, referring to the armor that Slade had made her wear when she became his apprentice.

 

“I'll see what I can do about that.” Said Cyborg, smiling.

 

“Thank you guys, for everything. You've been so nice to me even after all the terrible things I did.”

 

“It's like I said before.” Said Robin. “Everyone deserves a second chance. You're not the first one to need forgiveness from these guys.” He draped a towel around her shoulders and she pulled it around herself for warmth.

 

“One question though. How exactly did you get out of your petrified state? Raven and I looked all over for a cure but couldn't find anything yet here you are.” Terra thought about it for a moment.

 

“I think the whole reason that happened was so I could regain my energy. Every time I use my powers I can feel it drain my energy away bit by bit. It takes a different amount of energy depending on what I do. Basically what I did in that cave was use up all of my energy to instantly harden all the lava in the area. Since I used all my energy I think I went into a kind of suspended animation while my energy slowly recharged. Slade told me something like that could happen if I used too much of my power.”

 

“Makes sense.” Said Cyborg. He yawned. “You know what? Why don't we try and get that armor off you tomorrow? It's gettin' late and I think everyone here could use some rest after all that stress with BB.”

 

“Sounds good.” Terra agreed. Cyborg reset the security lockdown and everyone went off to their rooms. Beast boy caught up with Terra on the way to her room.

 

“Why don't you stay in my room tonight? I want to wake up next to you so I know that this hasn't just been a really good dream. Terra giggled.

 

“Alright Beast boy.” She turned around and followed him to his room and they got into bed. Beast boy got up and turned the light out before getting under the covers with Terra. They both lay there silently before Beast boy broke the silence.

 

“Terra?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I…uh…” Beast boy was getting extremely nervous. If Terra had been able to see him she would have seen that he had turned beet red. Finally he gathered the courage he needed and spoke.

 

“I love you Terra.”

 

“I love you too Beast boy.” Beast boy squealed in delight and almost fainted but managed to control himself.

 

“R…really?” Terra giggled

 

“Of course silly.”

 

“So you wanna finish what Slade interrupted?”

 

“Sure, why not? I forgot what we were doing though, I think you'll have to remind me.” Terra said, smirking. Beast boy had a smirk of his own as he rolled on top of her. He growled playfully as he pinned her to the bed.

 

“Maybe this'll help refresh your memory.” Beast boy began inching his face towards hers. Terra followed suit and soon their lips were locked in a passionate kiss. They broke the kiss when they both needed oxygen and were gasping for breath. They laid back down and cuddled together.

 

“Beast boy?”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I'm glad I came back.”

 

“Me too Terra. Me too.” A few minutes later they were asleep in each others' arms.

 

This story was originally intended to be a one-shot but after thinking about it a little bit I'm not so sure. What do you think? I have a vague idea of what I might do if this turns into a multi-chapter story.