Fan Fiction ❯ Big Brother Darunia ❯ Letters To Little Impa -or- The Ballad of Ganondorf and Impa ( Chapter 6 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

BIG BROTHER DARUNIA: A Reality Fan Fiction
Show Six: Letters to Little Impa -OR- The Ballad of Ganon and Impa
By Galaxy Girl

BIG BROTHER DARUNIA IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE FOLLOWING SPONSOR!

Attention all Hylians! Are you bored with your everyday life? Do you want a break from the rat race?
COME TO TERMINA!
Just look at all that Termina has to offer!

* Our tri-weekly astronomy shows!
* Lots of friendly people! And aliens!
* Culture, culture, and more culture! Masks of all shapes and sizes!
* Visit Clock-Town National Monument!
* AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!

Sponsored by the Termina Board of Tourism.

* Actual Odds of surviving tri-weekly astronomy shows are 1: 495382950291
* Not all people guaranteed to be friendly
* Odds of seeing aliens are 1:8483774
* Not all masks available to public.
* Some masks possess evil powers and will turn you into a fish
* Clock Town National Monument closed for tri-weekly astronomy show
* Not that much more.

(Scene: Big Brother Title Room. Little Link stands wearing a tux.)

LL: Good evening, and welcome to Big Brother Darunia, the reality fan fiction that has been proven to increase your odds of going nuts by almost 99.9%! Last week, It was a free week for our contestants. Ganondorf and Impa finally fell in love just before Ganondorf was dragged off to prison and Link and friends watched Titanic. Malon also reached the high score list for SUPER MEGA, um, something, and in the process discovered the secret to all arcade games. This week promises to be just as exciting! So stay tuned, and enjoy this week's heart-warming show!

* Actual odds of show being heart-warming are 1: 858457

(Scene: Link's room. Link and Darunia have decided to watch a movie on this fine, yet rainy Saturday afternoon)

Link: (Sigh)

Darunia: What's wrong, brother?

Link: I've been thinking about something. Before Nabooru left, she was talking about finding herself.

Darunia: So?

Link: I wonder if I'm found.

Darunia: Um...

Link: Have I really found myself? Do I really know who I am?

Darunia: Link, you lost me back at "I've been thinking".

Link: That's it! I'm going to find myself!

Darunia: But Link, I thought you were right there!

Link: Who can help me find myself?

Darunia: I TOLD YOU! You're right there!

Link: I know! Impa! Nobody knows better than Impa how to be spiritual.

Darunia: Are you sure that's a good idea? She's been kind of acting... weird lately.

Link: Over Ganondorf? Jeez, what's with that? I don't see why she's so obsessed with him. He's not that great a guy, is he?

(In Impa's room, they find out just how great a guy Impa thinks Ganondorf is.)

Impa: (She sits silently on her bed, dressed in black and staring ahead as if in a trance. She hums a quiet song.)

Link: Uh, Impa?

Impa: (Singing like Yoko Ono) AAAIAIAIIAIIAIAIAOOOOIOOAIAOOAIOOAOAIAOOAIAOAOAOEIEIOEIEIOEIEIOEIEIEOAIAOEI AIEOEOIAIEOAOEIEIOEIEIEOEIEIEOAIEOOEAIOEOEIEOI!

Darunia: What is she doing?

Impa: (Still at it) AAIAIAIAOEOEOEOEIAIAIEOEOEIOAIEIEIEEIEIOPAIEIEOAIEIEIOAIEIEIOAIEIEIAOEIOOAI EIAOIAIEOQAIEIEOAIEOAIEOAIEOAIEOAIEOAIEOEIEIOAEIEIEOAIEEIEIEOAIEIEOAIEIEOAI E!

(Malon walk in holding an envelope)

Malon: Um, Impa?

Impa: (Quietly) I told you. I've changed my name to Misery.

Malon: OK, Misery? There's a letter for you.

Impa: WHERE?

(She leaps at Malon, and grabs the envelope from her hands)

Impa: It's from my sister!
(She throws it down to the ground, and resumes her trance-like position.)

Impa: AAIEOOEIAOEIEOAIEOAIIAEIEIOEIEIEOAEIEIOPAIEIEOAIEIEO...

Malon: PLEASE! STOP IT! There's another letter for you. From the Hyrule Home for the Constitutionally Challenged.

Impa: PLEASE! GIVE IT TO ME!

(Malon hands her the letter and tears it open)

Impa: (Reading aloud)
"Dearest Impa,
It is I, your beloved Ganny-Poo. I have been settled in to cell block XX47, and I am beginning to adapt well. We get nothing but gruel for dinner, and I long for your baked Wallmaster Surprise. The only way I can last without going loony is to draw murals of you on my wall. My favorite has you dressed like a Goddess handing me the Triforce, and kissing me on the cheek. If I ever get out, I will become a mural artist. I guess I have talent for it. Even my cell partner, a character named "El Duke" thinks so.
I tell all the guys about you, and they long to meet you. They say you are the most beautiful and wonderful woman in the world. One guy even said he wanted to marry you. I beat him thoroughly. There are no other Gerudos, just a few Hylians, and the occasional Goron or Zora.
I long to see your shining face. You are my sun, and the world is dark for me. My parole officer says I may be out in about 6 months, with good behavior. THAT'S TOO LONG! I can't wait to see you any longer! But not to worry. I'll be good for a thousand years if it means I could see you again! Please write back soon!
Your beloved studly hunka-hunka man,
Ganny-Poo"

Link: That's so sweet! (Makes gagging noises)

Darunia: I wish there were some women in my city.

Impa: HE MISSES ME! I'M SO HAPPY!

Link: Well, of course he misses you. Now, come out and do me a favor.

Impa: But he'll be out in a whole six months! I can't wait that long either! I have to free him!

Malon: But Misery...

Impa: It's Impa.

Malon: OK, Impa... you can't leave the castle! You're still in the competition! It's absolutely against the rules to leave without being evicted.

Impa: Then I'll have to get evicted!

All: WHAT? You can't get evicted!

Link: You have to anger the author! And then she elects you, and then all the readers have to vote you out!

Malon: No way, Impa. The author won't buy it.

Darunia: Yeah! The only ways that you could pull it off is if you acted like a total jerk to everyone including the author, and then beg the readers to vote you off!

Impa: Yeah, I guess that's the only way to... THAT'S IT!

Malon: Oh no! Impa! You wouldn't! Why would you give up your prize?

Impa: Because I LOVE HIM!

All: Well, SO?

Impa: Wait! I'll just concede! That's even better! I can leave without going through all the garbage and I can go and pay the bail for my beloved Ganny-Poo! Than we can get married! YEAH!

Link: But Impa...

Impa: Impa Zappa Dragmire... That would be my name, you know!

Darunia: Zappa?

Impa: It's my maiden name! And we would have lots of little kids, and we would live together forever and ever!

Malon: Shouldn't you stick with getting off the show first?

Impa: YES! The show! Here, Darunia call up your son and have him come to the castle. I have to discuss something important with him.

(Darunia leaves)

Impa: Yes! Only a little while until Ganondorf and I live happily ever after!

(Scene: Impa tries to beg Little Link to let her concede.)

Impa: Oh please! I promise I won't try to come back! I swear! Please!

LL: Normally I would Impa, but Code 1132732847238901748391 of the Big Brother Darunia handbook states that it is illegal for a contestant to concede. The punishment is being evicted off the show.

Impa: WHAT KIND OF SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?

LL: I'm actually not sure. But you can't concede Impa. I'm sorry.

Impa: ARRRGH! Well, I'll change that! I'm getting out of this castle to rescue my Ganny-Poo if it's the last thing I ever do!

LL: Hey that rhymes!

Impa: Oh, shut up! Why don't they call you guys Morons?

(Scene: Garden. Link tries to find someone to help him find himself.)

Link: Come on, Saria! You're my best friend! Please, can't you tell me who can help me find myself?

Saria: Oh Link! Why can't Impa do it?

(Link gives her the look, and points at Impa in the window, who is rigging up a booby-trap of some sort.)

Saria: Oh, yeah. Well um, talk to Zelda. Ask her um, if you can, "hang with the channelers tonight".

Link: Huh?

Saria's Fairy: We can't tell you that! Go ask Zelda! Ask her, ask her, ask her, ask her, ask her, ask her!

(Link goes to the courtyard where he finds Zelda practicing her yoga.)

Link: Hey Zelly.

Zelda: I told you not to call me that.

Link: Saria says she wants me to ask you, um, "Can I hang with the channelers tonight"?

Zelda: (Flips over and looks at him strangely) WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Link: Can I hang with the channelers tonight?

Zelda: Um, sure I guess so.

Link: Who are the channelers?

Zelda: Every Saturday night, Saria, her fairy, Impa, Nabooru and I hang in my room so we can get in touch with our auras. We always try to find ourselves. Unfortunately, Nabooru is gone, and Impa has kind of lost it. We need a new channeler anyway.

Link: Cool. I'll be there tonight!

Zelda: Not so fast, bub! You need to pass the three initiation tests first!

Link: Initiation? For what?

Zelda: To be a channeler, you need to prove that you aren't afraid of the consequences of your actions.

Link: Well, OK. How hard could they be?

(Inside, Impa tells the camera her plan to get evicted.)

Impa: Well, you know how Rauru got evicted because he got annoying and someone tried to kill him? Well, I'll set it up so it will look like someone tried to kill me, and I'll get evicted for sure!

(She stands underneath a towering pile of junk that she gathered from around the castle. Impa holds a string attached to the top of the pile, and she tugs it with all her might.)

Impa: ARRRGHGHGHGHG!

(The junk crashes on top of her, and she lies still.)

(Malon walks in the room, on her way to the kitchen.)

Malon: Hey Impa! That's great! I didn't know you were into modern art! You should sell that to someone!

Impa: (From under junk) ARARRRGHGHGHGHG!

Malon: Yeah. It is pretty good!

Impa: OY!

(Scene: Link decides to try the first initiation test. Him, Saria, Saria's Fairy, and Zelda are in the castle's library.)

Zelda: OK, Link. For your first test, you must prove you are fearless.

Link: No sweat! This will me a snap for me! I've killed more monsters than you can count!

Saria: You have to call up the Hyrule Home for the Reality Challenged...

Link: Yea?

Saria's Fairy: ... And ask for Room 456...

Link: And?

Zelda: ...And you have to talk to Ruto for 5 minutes!

Link: Oh Goddesses, NO!

Saria: Fine, if you don't want to find yourself...

Link: Oh, fine!

(He picks up the phone and dials 1800-LOONY-BIN)

Operator: Hyrule Home for the Reality Challenged, how may I help you?

Link: Um, yes I'd like to call Room 456.

Operator: One moment, please.

(Link squirms uncomfortably, and suddenly he hears the voice of his long-lost love.)

Ruto: Hello?

Link: Um, hi Ruto, it's me. Link.

(He looks over at Zelda, who is holding a countdown clock. It reads 4: 59)

Ruto: LINKY- BOY! I thought you'd forgotten about me!

Link: How could I? I mean really, how could I?

Ruto: How are you? Are you calling because you want to get married now?

Link: No! I'm just calling to talk, you know?

Ruto: Oh, don't lie to me! I know you just want to tell me how much you love me, and how much you hate that stupid ranch gal, Melon, and that dorky princess, Zeldo, or whatever. And how much you hate that dumb Shreaker Pimple, and that moronic little Kokorio person Sara, and that idiot Gerudo, Naburooru?

Link: NO! I told you already Ruto I DON'T LIKE YOU!

Ruto: Don't you lie Link! Why do you always do this to me? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
Hey, get your hands off of me, stupid nut house man! I'M NOT CRAZY, I TELL YOU!

Link: Ruto, why don't you understand this? I've told you almost 453297 times now! I... do... not... LOVE YOU!

Ruto: (singing) LET IT BE! LET IT BE! LET IT BEEE LET IT BE! AND WHISPER WORDS OF WISDOM! LET IT BE! OOOOOOOOOH!

Link: Please cut it out! For the love of the Goddesses, STOP IT!

(He looks desperately at Zelda, and the clock that reads 3:00.)

Ruto: (Still singing) Do I love you because you're wonderful? Or are you wonderful because I love you?

Link: PLEASE QUIT SINGING!

Ruto: (Still singing) Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream? Or are you really as wonderful as you seem?

Link: I'm not that wonderful, really!

Ruto: (Still singing) Memories! All alone in the moonlight! All alone in the streetlight!

Link: Oh Goddesses stop it!

Saria: Link, you're done! It's over! You can hang up, now!

Link: Um, BYERUTOTALKTOYOULATER,K?

Ruto: (STILL SINGING) If I were a rich man! ABADABADABADABADABADUM!

Link: (Hangs up) Oh jeez! That was horrible! AARRRGHHH!

Zelda: Good job. You've proven that you're fearless.

Saria's Fairy: You've also proven that Ruto is tone-deaf.

Saria: Now, only two more tests to go!

Link: Oh gee, I can't wait.

(Scene: Impa's Room. The Sage of Shadow is pasting up pictures of Ganondorf.)

Impa: (To camera) Well, this is my plan B. You know how everyone got annoyed with Ruto because she had all the posters of Link? Well, I'll do the same thing as her, with Ganon! I'll be out of here before you know it.

(Hours later, the room is completely covered in posters.)

Impa: There we are! Now, all I need to do is go onto FanFiction.net and read the reviews for this story!

(Impa logs onto FF.net as her alter-identity, Shadowwoman54@evileye.com. Then, she reads the reviews for BIG BROTHER DARUNIA: A REALITY FAN FICTION.)

Impa: Here we are. Huh? "I LUV THIS FIC! I really like the Ganny/Impa romance, and I think it's cute how Impa puts posters all over the room. I love it! Don't kick Impa out!"? THEY LIKE IT? I DON'T UNDERSTAND! HOW CAN THEY LIKE IT COMING OUT OF ME AND NOT FROM RUTO?

(Another review appears on screen.)

Impa: "I like it better when Impa hangs posters because she's not annoying as heck like Ruto"
DANGIT!

(Scene: Hallway. The Channelers are ready to administer the second initiation test to Link.)

Saria: OK Link. This test is to show that you are daring.

Zelda: You have to go into Darunia's room, and steal a pair of his underwear. Then, bring it back here.

Link: Ew, gross! Why do I have to do that?

Saria's Fairy: You just do.

(Link peers into the room, where Darunia is sound asleep near the TV. His suitcase is set next to the closet door.)

Link: OK. Here goes nothing...

(Link sneaks into the room and tiptoes across to the suitcase. He unzips the luggage and starts pulling out stuff.)

Link: (whispering) Sheesh, how much stuff does one guy need?

(Back outside the room)

Saria: Think he can do it?

Zelda: Nope.

(Back inside the room, Link pulls a sheet out of Darunia's suitcase.)

Link: Why does he have a sheet?

(It takes him a moment to realize what he's holding.)

Link: (yelling) OH SICK! THIS IS DARUNIA'S UNDERWEAR!

Zelda: Link! Stop yelling! You'll wake him up!

Darunia: (mumbling) green... natural... that's the kind of music I want to hear... ZZZ...

Link: (whispering again) I'm coming, guys!

(He starts to run out of the room, when his Kokiri boot accidentally touches a small white box on the side of the underwear. Saria's Song starts to play out of it.)

Link: Musical underwear?

(Darunia, still asleep, gets up and starts to dance. Link rolls his eyes, and attempts to shut up the musical underwear.)

Link: Shut up, you stupid thing!

(Link tries hitting the box, and shaking it, and pretty much everything. Finally, he gets angry and pulls one of the Iron Boots out of his pocket. He whacks the box, and the music starts playing faster.)

Saria: Link, come on! GET OUT OF THERE!

(Darunia starts dancing faster and faster, until he screams and falls off the bed, shaking the ground and stopping the music.)

Link: I am outta here!

(He races out the door, just before Darunia wakes up.)

Darunia: Huh?

(The Goron King sees his stuff flung out all over the floor.)

Darunia: Oh no! The gremlins are back!

(Scene: Impa's room. Finally upset, Impa decides to call upon Malon for help on getting evicted.)

Malon: You're still at it, huh?

Impa: I'll never stop, until my beloved Ganondorf is free...

Malon: Well, think about it. What makes every Nintendo character hit the roof? What makes every single N64 junkie tremble in fear, and then explode in a burst of anger?

Impa: That's it! I know how I can get evicted! Thank you Malon! Oh, my dear sweet beloved King of Evil! You'll be free soon!

(Scene: Outside the castle treasury. The channelers are up to their third initiation test, and Link couldn't be happier.)

Link: Finally! Just one more test before I can find myself!

Saria's Fairy: Yeah, but this one is the hardest yet! It tests your stupidity.

Link: Stupidity?

Zelda: This is the door to the castle treasury. In this room, all of the Royal Family's treasure and most important stuff is hidden. You have to run inside, pass all of the obstacles, and bring me the Ocarina of Time.

Link: Sure. Easy. Even I can't mess this one up!

Saria: Be careful!

(The door clicks open, and Link races inside. The door shuts, and we hear footsteps and screaming.)

Link: AAH! Guard Wolfos! Nice Wolfos, nice wolfos... ARRRAHHGHHGHGHAARRRGH!

(Five seconds later)

Link: Whoa, blade traps!

(SHINK!)

Link: YEEEOWUCH!

(Five seconds later)

Link: Fire pit, fire pit... WHOOPS! AYYYYAAAAAARRGHH!

(Five seconds later)

Link: Stalfos? I HATE STALFOS! EEEK!

(Five seconds later)

Link: Finally! I made it! Huh? Where's the Ocarina? It should be on this shelf!

Saria: What? You didn't put in the Ocarina?

Zelda: No, I did. I put it on a shelf right next to the entrance to the hallway.

(She opens up the door, reaches inside, and pulls out the Ocarina)

Saria: So he went all the way down there for nothing?

Zelda: Looks like it.

(Link runs out of the door, slams it, and looks angrily at Zelda. His tunic is torn up, and he has cuts and burns all over.)

Link: That... was... not... FUNNY!

Saria's Fairy: Yes it was! WHHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-EEP!

(Link grabs her and squeezes her as hard as he can)

Link: SHUT UP, YOU DERANGED LITTLE TWERP!

Saria: LINK! Leave her alone!

Link: SAY IT'S NOT FUNNY! SAY IT, OR I'LL SQUEEZE YOU TILL YOU POP!

Saria's Fairy: Sorry... It's...not... funny!

(He lets her go)

Saria's Fairy: Good grief, get him away from me! He's gone postal!

Link: (to Zelda, suddenly calm) So am I in?

Zelda: You're in.

Link: WOOHOOO!

(Scene: Impa's bedroom. The Sage of Shadow is working on her plan to get evicted. Using her shadow powers, she is busy creating the ultimate evil)

Impa: Here we go... a little more glue, and now, we just stick this on! Perfect!

(The camera tries to zoom in and see her plan, but she pushes it away.)

Impa: Nope! Not yet! Now that it's finished, I just have to wait for the right moment to put it into affect!

(She covers it up with a sheet, and looks at the camera.)

Impa: (singing to the tune of BSB's "Larger Than Life")

I sat inside and cried when they took you away, that's right.
But let me tell you boy, they are soon gonna pay, all right!
Because nobody makes Impa angry, angry, angry yeah

All you people, can't you see, can't you see?
Ganondorf's the only Evil King for me.
He can be a clown, but he's really tight
So I'll get evicted tonight!

(Scene: Zelda's room. It's time for the channeler meeting, and Link couldn't be happier.)

Link: Oh boy, oh boy! Soon, I will have found myself. And I can't wait!

Saria: Calm down. If you are excited, you can't communicate with your aura.

Link: Oh, OK.

Zelda: Come on, you guys. Get settled, it's time for our meeting.

Link: YAY!

Saria's Fairy: What's the topic for tonight?

Zelda: Tonight we are going to express our spirits and find ourselves!

Saria: Sounds good. Let's start.

(Saria's Fairy sets up speakers with soothing music, and Zelda uses her powers to light some candles. The four set themselves up in a circle, with their hands on their knees and their eyes closed in typical meditation fashion.)

Zelda: OK everyone. Reach deep inside yourself, and ask your spirit what kind of creature or element it feels like. Then, we will tell everyone else, and in doing so, find ourselves!

Link: Cool.

(The group sits silently for a few seconds, then they attempt to find themselves.)

Saria's Fairy: My spirit wants to be a butterfly, zooming through the sky...

Saria: My spirit wants to be a horse, running gracefully over the plains...

Zelda: My spirit wants to be an eagle, flying over the land...

Link: My spirit wants to be a rock, sitting on the ground...

Saria: A rock?

Zelda: Good! Now, we are all relaxed. That was a great session guys, same time next week?

Link: Wait a sec! That's it? That's all?

Saria: Yeah, what did you expect?

Link: I went through all that pain for "I want to be a rock"? ARE YOU CRAZY?

Saria's Fairy: No, we're not crazy! We're just relaxed!

Link: ARRRRGH! I didn't find myself! I said, "I want to be a rock"! That's not finding yourself! All those tests for nothing!

Zelda: But Link...

Link: I'm outta here! You guys are crazy! Finding yourself... my foot!

(He stomps out of the room)

Saria: Gee Zelda, were you about to tell him that since he said he wants to be a rock, he has a stationary self being, and he was right inside him all the time?

Zelda: Yeah. But I guess he doesn't care.

Saria's Fairy: Men! Can't live with them, can't eat them.

(Suddenly, they hear a bloodcurdling scream come from the hallway.)

Link: IMPA! WHAT IN THE NAME OF KAEPORA GAEBORA'S SWEATSTAINED BUCKSKINS ARE YOU DOING?

Zelda: Oh no! What has she done now?

(The channelers rush out into the hallway and over to the door of Impa's room, where they stop and scream.)

All: IMPA! HOW COULD YOU?

(Impa sits on the floor of her room, playing a... bum, bum buuuuum... CHEAP REMAKE OF THE LEGEND OF ZELDA!)

Impa: It's so cool! Look at the graphics! They're incredible! The storyline! Oh, the storyline!

(Saria rushes inside and picks up the cover of the game box.)

Saria: The Folktale of Zena? Impa, what were you thinking?

Saria's Fairy: (Reading off the box) "The adventure of a young Kookoorii boy named Pink, who must save the land of Pyrule from the evil Dingledorf"?

Zelda: (also reading off of box) "With the help of the six Pages and the Princess Zena..."

Link: (also reading off of box) "And his friends the Kookoorii Daria, the Bora Rudo, and the Gorgon King Darinua..."?

(Darunia walks by the door)

Darunia: What's going on?

Link: Look at this!

(Darunia reads the box, and his face turns bright red.)

Darunia: ARRRRRRRRRGGH! THEY SPELLED MY NAME WRONG! IMPA, HOW COULD YOU BRING THAT TRASH INTO OUR TEMPORARY HOME?

Impa: Oh, but Darunia... It's so much better...

Darunia: (temper starts to flare) %$#@%&#@&(%$@#&%$&#@%$@#!

(A zooming out shot of Hyrule Castle. Suddenly, a scream is heard and Impa flies out of a second-story window. She hits the ground near the moat.)

Impa: OOF!

Link: (voice from castle) YOU'VE JUST BEEN EVICTED!

Impa: HOORAY! Oh, Ganondorf! I'm coming soon! On the name of your dead mothers Koume and Kotake, I swear I will come back for you!

(She waits a few seconds for her suitcase to follow her out the window, and she picks it up and runs away from the castle.)

Impa: (singing)

The sun'll come out tomorrow!
Because I don't have to stay!
And my Ganondorf is only
My Ganny-Poo is only
Ganon's just an hour AWAAAAAAY!

(Impa merrily skips away from the castle, off towards her new life with her dear sweet beloved King of Evil)

(Hey, speaking of Koume and Kotake, the witch sisters arrive at Lake Hylia just after dawn.)

Koume: I didn't know this lake was so big!

Kotake: Hey Koume! What do you call this blue stuff all around us?

Koume: I think it's called "water" Kotake.

Kotake: Wow! I've never seen this stuff before! Cool! It feels so cold on my feet!

Koume: No Kotake! Don't you know about water?

Kotake: What about it?

Koume: It seems to have some sort of adverse effects on witches.

Kotake: Like what?

(Suddenly, Kotake screams, and she melts into the lake.)

Koume: Oh my goodness! Kotake, are you OK?

Kotake: ...

Koume: Oh no! My poor sister!

(The lake scientist walk up to Koume, who is crying on the ground)

Scientist: What's wrong, young lady?

Koume: My sister has fallen into the lake and she melted!

Scientist: You're in luck! I just invented a cure for melting!

(The scientist opens up a bottle of liquid, and pours it into the lake. Seconds later, Kotake appears just above the lake's surface.)

Kotake: I'm alive! Oh, thank you, you sweet man!

Scientist: My pleasure, helping out two adorable women like you.

Koume and Kotake: AWW!

Koume: Hey, uh Mr. Scientist, you haven't have happened to see an ugly kid around here somewhere, have you?

Scientist: Blonde hair and blue eyes with a green tunic?

Kotake: That's him!

Scientist: I see him going in the Zora's Domain shortcut all the time.

Koume: You don't say? Come on, Kotake, we have to go somewhere.

Kotake: We'll be back to visit, sugar lips...

Scientist: My pleasure... Hehehe...

(Koume and Kotake cast a protective spell, and fly down into the Zora's Domain shortcut.)

(Scene: Living room. Little Link comes to find out what happened to Impa)

LL: Will you guys just tell me what happened to her? Come on, I won't be angry.

Link: She invented a cheap remake of the Legend of Zelda and was playing it!

LL: Good grief! I'm glad she's gone!

Saria: I can't believe it. She always seemed so steady!

Saria's Fairy: People say that a lot around here, huh?

Zelda: Well, I guess I'll have to find a new nanny.

Darunia: I'll be your nanny!

Zelda: On second thought, I can handle it myself...

LL: Whatever. Anyway, next week on Big Brother, we'll see who gets voted off next. This week's nominees are Zelda and Darunia.

Zelda: Huh? I can't get evicted. I live here!

LL: Not anymore. Well, remember to cast your votes, and please keep watching Big Brother Darunia. Anyway, we'll see you next time! Remember, Big Brother...

Darunia: He's watching you!

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

A week after Impa was evicted from the castle this announcement was printed in the HYRULIAN GAZZETTE:

WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT!
This Saturday, a wedding will take place between Ganondorf Dragmire and his girlfriend Impa Zappa. The couple will be married in Gerudo Valley, and anyone is invited to attend.
Impa and Ganondorf met together on the popular "Big Brother Darunia" game show. At first, there was turmoil, but as Impa quoted, "I just had to get to know him."
Gifts are invited, but the couple reports that they would like to receive paints and brushes for their future life together as mural artists.
Ganondorf is the former Gerudo King of Thieves, but was kicked out in a misunderstanding between him and another Gerudo woman, a certain "Nabooru" character. A Gerudo representative, says they "would be happy to have Ganondorf back, as long as he is married". According to the rep, the Gerudos think that "a woman's touch" would be good for Gerudo leadership.
The HYRULIAN GAZETTE would like to wish Mr. Dragmire and Miss Zappa a happy life together and much prosperity in their mural artist career.

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This game has been screwed up by:
Galaxy Girl
Galaxygirl7777@angelfire.com
President/Webmaster of Planet Universe Comix Co.
Planet Universe: Saving the world with cheapo comics!
http://www.angelfire.com/co3/kellcomix

I DO NOT OWN THE LEGEND OF ZELDA, ANY CHEAP REMAKES OF IT, OR ANYTHING MENTIONED IN THE PRECEDING FAN FICTION. OK, I OWN THE FAN FICTION, BUT NOT THE CHARACTERS.

This episode of Big Brother us dedicated to all the devoted Ganon/Impa shippers out there who yelled at me for evicting them. I was sorry I did it, too! So, now you can sleep peacefully knowing that Ganondorf and Impa will get married and have a wonderful life. (Really. I won't mess it up for them anymore. They are free to be happy without my interference by making them fight or something.) Everyone is free to make up your own Ganondorf and Impa marriage stories!

Please stay tuned for BIG BROTHER DARUNIA SHOW SEVEN: Zelda's Birthday Party and
BIG BROTHER DARUNIA SHOW EIGHT: The Fab Four coming soon!