Fan Fiction ❯ Bloody Eyes ❯ Chapter 8 ( Chapter 8 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A/N: Sorry for the long wait since my last update, I've had a bit of writer's block with this one. I think I've got it licked though, so this one should be updating a bit more often. Hope you enjoy, please R&R.

Bloody Eyes

Chapter x

Beastboy's punch went wide, barely clipping Nightwing's shoulder. He attempted to follow through with a kick, but Nightwing was able to slip his own punch through Beastboy's defenses, catching him in the gut. "What's wrong, Beastboy?" he asked as he dropped back into his fighting stance.
"What makes you think something's wrong?" Beastboy asked as he threw a light jab to Nightwing's face.
"You're not fighting up to par." Nightwing easily caught a punch and twisted, throwing Beastboy flat. "So, what's on your mind?"
Beastboy sat up from his position on the floor, and wrapped his arms around his knees. "I'm worried about Raven, that's all."
"She seems to be doing well, she seems almost back to normal." Nightwing leaned against the wall, his arms folded, "She's requested to be put back on active duty, you know."
"I know, it's probably my own paranoia, I shouldn't have mentioned it."
"It may be your own paranoia, but thanks for mentioning it, I'll keep a close eye on her."
"Thanks."
Nightwing's communicator beeped, then they heard Starfire's voice, "Friends, dinner will be in one half hour."
Nightwing grabbed it and replied, "Thanks, Star, we'll be up soon." He offered a hand to Beastboy, "Don't worry about her, she's strong."
"I know she's strong, but even if she had a problem she'd never tell us."
They walked in silence down the hallway, each heading for their own rooms. As they neared Raven's room, the strong scent of sandalwood permeated the hallway. As they neared her door, Nightwing noticed Beastboy giving it an odd look. "What's wrong?"
Beastboy's head snapped back to Nightwing. "Probably nothing." he glanced at her closed door again, "Just the incense."
Nightwing took a whiff of the strong scent of sandalwood. "Your senses are better than a human's, right?"
"Yeah, but it's okay, I can handle something like this."
They arrived at Robins room and stopped, "See you at supper, BB."
"Yeah, see ya." As soon as the door closed, Beastboy turned and walked back to Raven's room. He considered knocking, as the strange scent hit him again, the incense, with undertones of iron, a scent he knew well. Instead he entered the combination to Raven's lock on the keypad. He had figured the combination out for one of his innumerable pranks, and she had never bothered to change it.
As soon as the door slid open, Raven stood from her bed. Beastboy caught the glint of metal as her cloak closed around her. "Get out of my room."
Beastboy took a step into her room and allowed the door to close behind him, he reached back and slapped the button that locked it. "What do you think you're doing, Rae?"
"What am I doing? How dare you barge into my room like this?"
Beastboy crossed the room in a few steps, causing Raven to back up to the wall. Beastboy's hand shot out and grabbed the corner of her cloak, but she moved out of the way. "Get out, now."
"Raven, what are you doing to yourself?"
"Nothing." Her voice quavered.
Beastboy's hand shot out again, this time snagging her forearm. He pulled her hand up, fighting against her resistance. The first thing that he saw was the glint of metal, the bloody razor still held between her fingers. "What are you doing, Raven?" He took the razor from her now limp hand, before he guided her to the bed and sat her down. He knelt and lifted her other arm, examining the long cuts that covered it. "You wanna tell me why you're doing this?"
Raven didn't answer, only stared at the floor. Beastboy sighed as he sat on the bed next to her. "You've searched your whole life for a way to stop feeling, to make your emotions vanish. Now they're gone, and you're in a living hell."
Raven looked up, surprise evident in her features. "What would you know about that?"
Beastboy stared down at the wrappings that covered his hands and forearms for his sparring matches. "Depression always starts as feeling bad, feeling mad or sad, or frustrated, all the time. As you go deeper, though, that fades, along with everything else." He yanked the velcro straps that held them on, watching the strips of cloth fall away.
Raven watched as his arms uncovered. Underneath the cloth were scars. Old scars long healed, running most of the length of his forearms. "Why did you do that?"
"None of us came from picture perfect backgrounds. After my parents died, I was kidnapped by thieves, forced to steal for them. I was alone, though. To them I was a way to make money, but still an irritation to them. I started this to try to keep the numbness that seemed to be eating me away. It didn't work." He emphasized each word of the last sentence. "I didn't have anybody to help me, you got a room full of them right over there."
"I know, I just..."
Beastboy rewrapped his arms, taking care to cover his scars. After his arms were covered again he unclipped his communicator. Raven put a hand on his, "Please, don't do this." she pleaded, on the edge of tears.
"I'm sorry, Rae. I can't take the chance of you going too far accidentally, or for deciding that this isn't enough." He lifted the communicator and depressed the talk button, "Hey, Nightwing, you there?"
After a pause they got a reply, "What's up?"
"Could you come to Raven's room for a minute?"
"Is something wrong?"
"Just get up here, I'll explain then."
"Give me a few minutes, I'll be up."
Beastboy took Raven's hand again, examining the cuts that littered her arm, "You should heal these." He watched, almost in awe, as the wounds closed, leaving her skin flawless. "I don't want to see them again, Raven. I care about you too much to watch you fall apart like this, we all do."
"I'm sorry."
There was a light knock on the door. With a wave of Raven's hand the door slid open, admitting Nightwing. He walked in and looked from one face to the other, "What's up?"
Raven swallowed hard before she attempted to speak, "I don't think I can go back on active duty."
"Why not, what happened?"
"I was... I..." She found herself unable to speak, so Beastboy finished it for her.
"She was cutting herself."
Nightwing's eyes widened in shock, "Is this right, Raven?"
Raven nodded before looking down at her arm once again, "I healed it."
Beastboy held up the bloody razor, still in his hand. Nightwing took it and seemed to study it for a moment, "Do you have any others?"
Raven indicated a drawer in her nightstand. Inside Nightwing found a package of simple razor blades, missing only the one he held. He looked around the room at her many ceremonial daggers, "Anything with a cutting edge has to be moved out of here before we go to bed, if you want we can store it all in the vault. I also want you to go back to the therapist."
"Robin, psychiatry here is pointless. They take a shot in the dark and hope they don't mess their patients up worse than they already are."
"Do you have any alternatives? What about Azerath?"
"I left Azerath for a reason, I can't go back."
Nightwing nodded. "Fine, but you need to get some help. I don't know how to help you, I wish I could, but..." Nightwing shook his head, "Find someone to help you, please."
Nightwing's communicator spoke, "Friend Nightwing, dinner is ready."
Nightwing unclipped it from his belt, "Ill be right there." To Raven he said, "I don't want you to be alone for now. Not until we get the knives out of your room, understand?"
Raven nodded.

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Raven looked at her strangely barren shelves. Many of the precious antiques and powerful magical tools that she owned were dagger and knives. These were now carefully packed away and locked in the vault. Beastboy sat near her bed, while she lay back, "You know, you don't have to sit with me."
"I know, but it helps to have somebody there."
"Thank you, for everything."
"Don't mention it, I just want you to be better." Beastboy stared at the carpeted floor while he worked up the courage to ask his next question, "Why can't you go back to Azerath?"
Raven sighed deeply, a look of sadness briefly crossing her face. "Because of me, most of the city was reduced to rubble. Thousands died in the space of a few hours."
"What do you mean, because of you?"
"Before I was born, my mother ran to Azerath to escape my father. He went there looking for me, and destroyed everything that stood in his way. I can't go back there, not after what I've done."
"You didn't do it though, I mean how old were you? Twelve? Thirteen?"
"Ten."
"And you blame yourself for what happened? You aren't to blame."
"I know."
"Do the Azerans blame you?"
"No. They knew about my father, knew what he would do, but they allowed us to stay anyway."
"Then, it's your own guilt keeping you away."
"Yes."
"Can they help you there?"
"Probably."
"Then go back, if they don't blame you, then there's nothing but your own misplaced guilt keeping you away."
Raven stared at her ceiling, deep in thought. "Would you go with me?"