Fan Fiction ❯ Bonkey the Bear & Friends: Return of the Handle! ❯ One-Shot

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Bonkey the Bear & Friends: Enter the Handle!

By

Emily "Rosy the Cat" Bryant


It was a dark and stormy night...

[Author's Note: We interrupt this potentially depressing opening with the
ever-so-fun segment, "Dueling Author/Avatars"! ^-^;]

Rosy the Cat (pops up!): "Hiya everybody! I'm Rosy the Cat, ever-so-loveable
fan fiction author/avatar and a manifestation of the story's author, Emily
Bryant!"

Emily (also pops up, waving cheerfully): "Hi!"

Rosy: "Now Emily; what in the world possessed you to start this story about
Bonkey in such a depressing manner?! Bonkey's whole purpose in life is to make
people happy..."

Emily: "Not to mention bug Frank..."

Rosy: "That too, but now we have to explain Frank to them!"

Emily: "...Your point being...?"

Rosy (sweatdrop!): "In any case, why did you start the story like that?"

Emily (grins!): "So we have an excuse to pop in, explain the story's background,
and re-start the story, silly!"

Rosy (sweatdrops some more, then says sarcastically...): "Oh, of course! Why
would we want to have a serious reason for doing this...?"

Emily (questioning): "When have we ever written something serious in our free
time?"

Flutter-by Eeyore (pops up!): "Never! And you never shall write something
completely humor-free! Not while I'M your muse!"

Rosy and Emily (hug Eeyore): "Thank you, Flutter-by Eeyore!"

Emily: "Anyway, Frank is a friend of Rhonda-sensei, who is the creator of Bonkey
the Bear & Friends and my co-conspirator in developing the Bonkey the Bear Show.
Bonkey feels that his main mission in life is to bug Frank."

Rosy: "Thank you for that wonderful explanation, Emily!"

Emily: "No problem, Rosy-chan!"

[Author's Note: We now return you to the story, complete with a new opening line!
Enjoy!]

It was a green and cheerful spring day in the hidden, mystical town of Palos
Beardes, home of the Butterhood of Bears.

Our eyes are drawn to the swirling light of an inter-dimensional portal, which
flares open, depositing two female figures on the ground below it.

The elder of the two had dark brown hair that had been put into a half pony tail,
and wore a black, long-sleeved t-shirt, with jeans and black leather knee-high boots.

The younger, to use a Japanese term, was a tabby striped neko-jin, or cat girl.
Her blond-and-brown hair was pulled up into a high pony tail, and she wore jeans
and a lavender scoop-necked t-shirt. She was barefoot, thereby leaving her
retractable claws free for emergency use.

These two are the non-bear heroes of our story: Rhonda, and Rosy the Cat!

"Is it just me, or does the portal become more stomach-wrenching each time we use
it?" Rhonda asked Rosy as they walked away from said gateway, towards the town.

"I dunno. I kinda like it!" Rosy chirped happily, flashing a grin at her friend
and mentor. "It makes me think of `Thunder Mountain Railroad' at Disneyland, only
without the cars to slam against on turns. Plus, you don't have to worry about
turning upside-down, `cuz every way is up!"

Rhonda sweatdropped. "Right..."

As they walked away from the portal's drop/pick-up point, the view pans out to
showcase the small teddy bear-inhabited town tucked safely into the valley and
extending into the surrounding grassy hills.

Palos Beardes.

"Wondah! Wosy! You'a heweh!"

"BONKEY!"

The two women bolted forward, and were soon engaged in a group hug with the uber-
kawaii ursine mayor of the town.

Chatting merrily, the three continued on towards the town, unaware of the evil on
it's way.

(Back at the portal...)

The portal flares to life ominously. Apparently, Rhonda and Rosy had been followed.
He had a dark purpose...

"OW!!! You stupid dog! You almost broke my back!!!"

Author (sweatdrops!): "Maybe 'evil' was too strong a word..."

Indeed, for spraddled on the ground, masked and caped dog standing, content, atop
him, was Bonkey's arch-nemisis...Bum-bum-BUM!!! HANDLE-MAN!

Throwing the dog off of him, the senior-citizen super villain with a handle fetish
posed heroically as he tried to subtly straighten out his purple, red and green
tie-dyed zoot-suit (he had used the various colors of Heinz' ketchup to tie-dye
it...).

Yes, he is not only crazy, but he's a villain with delusions of heroism...

In the background, the driving tune from a hidden piano played, while a choral group
off-camera sang his theme-song:

Choral group: "Handle-Man! Handle-Man!
Psychopathic nut-case,
HANDLE-MAN!"

Handle-Man (glare): "I'm not a `psychopathic nut-case'! I am simply liberating handles
from the clutches of tyrants!"

Choral group: "coughDELUSIONALcough!"

Dismissing the choral group, Handle-Man stalked theatrically to some bushes,
parted them, and saw...

Handle-Man (turning away from the bushes quickly): "Nope, wrong bushes..."

Narrator (sigh...): "Again, he turned towards some other bushes and parted them..."

"Ah-HA-HA!" he cackled maniacally, grabbing his canine sidekick to look. "Look,
Banjo- I mean, Handle-Dog! The city of our greatest foe, the villainous and annoying
Bonkey the Bear! Soon, all of his handles will belong to us, and that means, if we
wait until he is in his house to take the outer handles, he shall be TRAPPED FOR
ALL TIME!!! Mu-ha-HA-HAH!"

Handle-Dog answered by licking Handle-Man's face, wagging his tail, and thinking:
`I like you too, funny ketchup-smelling owner-guy. Can I eat now?'

Handle-Man, not being fluent in Dog, took this as an agreement and cried: "Onward,
to smite the enemy!"

`When are we gonna eat?'

Meanwhile, at Bonkey's house...

"CHEESEBALLS!!!"

Ah, the power of cheese...

Rhonda, Rosy and Bonkey were sitting on Bonkey's sofa, watching "Whose Line is it
Anyway?" (BBC version) and contentedly stuffing themselves with PlantersTM
Cheeseballs, one of their favorite snacks.

"YEAH!!! I LOVE the `Props' game!" Rosy enthused as she bounced in place happily,
popping a cheeseball in her mouth every-so-often.

Rhonda, excited as well, suddenly froze in place, cocking her head to the side,
a concerned look on her face.

"Did you guys hear that?"

"Hewa what?" Bonkey asked, wondering what had disrupted his friend's happy mood.

"Some kind of scraping sound..." she replied, getting up and heading for the front
door. She froze in place, staring at it.

"What is it, Rhonda?" Rosy asked, walking up behind her mentor to look, munching
on the cheeseballs she had brought with her.

Rhonda pointed wordlessly at the door-knob. Or rather, where the door-knob should
have been. Instead, there was a knob-less circle, filled in with quick-drying plaster.

Rosy scowled. "Only one person is insane enough to do this; that evil-doer,
HANDLE-MAN!!!

"There is only one thing we can do," Rosy continued.

Rhonda grinned, then called out: "BONKEY! FRANK is here!"

"FWANK?!? WHEWA?!?"

Rosy shook her head and said, "Rhonda, you know it's not really Frank who is
Handle-Man. It's a split personality!"

"I know that, and you know that; but Bonkey doesn't have to know that. This
way, he'll do anything to get out to bug him, so he'll find a way we can all
use to get out!" she hissed as Bonkey ran around in circles, chanting "Gotta
bug Fwank, gotta bug Fwank..."

Rosy grinned, and said, "You're devious."

Rhonda grinned and said, "Thank you!"

Outside...

Choral group (singing hoarsely to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus):
"Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
He found a handle!
He found a handle!
He found a-- HAN-DLE!"

Choral group member #1 (croaking): "Is that the last one?"

Choral group member #2 (also croaking): "God, I hope so..."

"Silence, plebeians!" Handle-Man commanded, ignoring Choral group member #1's
comment of "We're artists, not plebeians..." as he dismissed them.

"Now that I have gained enough energy from these handles, soon, Handle-Dog," he
cackled, "soon, we shall have our revenge on the accursed bear, Bonkey!"

Wagging his tail, Handle-Dog asked `When are we gonna eat? Can we eat NOW?'

"And now, let us stand here whilst we laugh uproariously at the stupidity of our
foe! Mu-HA-HAH!"

`...We're not gonna be eating any time soon, are we?'

Sighing, Handle-Dog plunked himself down on the ground, trying to ignore the pangs
of hunger coming from his belly. Why wouldn't the nice funny owner-guy who smelled
like ketchup take a hint and feed him??

Suddenly, his ears perked up. What is that sound? He sniffed the air experimentally.
He knew those smells! Happy Aunty and the girl who smelled of that nice girl-dog
and petted him a lot! Yes! They would feed him!

Glancing furtively back at his owner, he slunk off towards the familiar smells...

Back in Bonkey's house...

"...I don't think it was such a good idea to tell Bonkey that Frank was outside..."
Rosy commented to Rhonda as her eyes followed Bonkey's rapid movement around the room.

"Why do you say that?"

Rosy sweatdropped as Bonkey, in his desperation to find Frank, ran back and forth
all through the house, trying to find where he was "hiding".

"Do you really need to ask?"

Rhonda sweatdropped and said: "Okay, maybe it wasn't exactly the smartest thing
I've done..."

Rosy nodded an affirmative, then noticed the masked face of a certain cute lil'
doggy by the name of...

"BANJO!"

"Wha...?" Rhonda turned around, stared blankly at the partially-open window, and
slapped her forehead in self disgust. "Why didn't I think of the windows?!?"

Rosy gave Rhonda a reassuring pat on the back, then turned back to the room.

"Bonkey! Frank's not in the house; we're going out the window. You coming or not?"

"Yep!"

Pushing the window up to open it to its fullest, Rosy then stood back and assessed
the situation. Coming to a conclusion, she cried: "Banjo, SIT!", and side thrust-
kicked the screen from its holdings.

Sweeping into an elegant bow, made more so by her feline grace, Rosy offered an
"after you" to her friends.

Back outside...

"No more Bonkey, no more Bonkey! Tra-la-la!"

Narrator: "KYAAAAA!!! Avert your eyes, children! We have a prancing senior-citizen
on the loose!"

Handle-Man (no longer prancing, looking up and glaring): "Oh, stop it! It's not
that bad..."

"You're right: it's worse!"

"WHAT?!? HOW DID YOU GET OUT?!?" Handle-Man yelled upon spotting Bonkey, Rhonda
and Rosy, the last of which with a smirk that was threatening to become either
a grin or a loud burst of laughter on her face. Behind them, Banjo, mask and
cape removed, was snarfing down the remaining cheeseballs from the canister
Rosy had kindly given him.

"Hey, Frank? Did it ever occur to you to check the windows when you were sealing
us in?"

"I am not Frank! I am HANDLE-MAN! And!...What windows?"

Rhonda, grinning, thumbed back to the open window behind them, the screen still
on the ground. "That window."

Handle-Man stood there, mouth agape, staring at the one flaw in his perfect plan.
Then he shook himself out of his stupor and cried: "I will return one day and
vanquish you, Bonkey! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some- hurk!"

While Handle-Man's brain had been off in la-la-land, Rosy had been fishing around
in her sub-space pocket, also known as "hammerspace", and had produced a handful
of throwing darts, one of which in his arm being the thing to cut the villain's
ranting off.

As Handle-Man slumped to the ground, Rhonda and Bonkey looked at their friend,
disturbed.

Rhonda was the first to speak.

"Is he dead?"

Rosy gave her friends an incredulous look. "What kind of person do you think I am?
They're knock-out darts: he's just unconscious. When he wakes up, he should be back
to normal."

"Cool."

"Oh yeah! We came, we saw, we kicked butt!"

"WOSY!"

"Sorry; kicked booty."

"Bwettah."

Narrator: "And so, our heroes are victorious, having brought their friend back from
the clutches of insanity.

"What dangers await them tomorrow? Even now, their thoughts drift to the unknown..."

Rosy, Rhonda and Bonkey (singing and dancing crazily): "We are the champions, WE ARE
THE CHAMPIONS!!! No time for losers, `cuz we are the champions...OF THE WORLD!!!"

Narrator (sweatdrop!): "Okay, so maybe not..."

THE END!