Fan Fiction ❯ Buttman in Hyrule ❯ Buttman in Hyrule ( Prologue )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: prez presley 
BAtman and Joker fight in Hyrule with Link there. It has apperence of Hendrix
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 03.01.2002 | Pages: 7 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 575 | Status: Completed
BAtman and Joker fight in Hyrule with Link there. It has apperence of Hendrix
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 03.01.2002 | Pages: 7 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 575 | Status: Completed
Batman in Hyrule
Ever wondered what a Batman/Zelda video game would be like? Once you
read this fic you wished you wouldn't.
Int/Market/day
Batman and Robin come in town. It's crowded in the market.
Batman:
This place sucks. Robin, have a scan on this area,
Joker's men must be here. &^%$, all of the Hyrulians
look the same.
All the Hyrulians look at him.
Batman:
Opps sorry, I'm used to everyone looking the same,
I'm a water boy for the NBA.
Robin:
National Buffon Assosiation.
Batman:
Unlike what Robin is in, the Women's National
Buffon Association.
Robin:
Hey Bruce, I think I know where Joker is.......
Batman:
Great, except how many times have i told you not to
use my real name! Dick!
Robin:
Hey, you used my real name!
Batman:
No, I'm calling you a Dick!
Int/Tree House/day
Link is sleeping in bed, he wakes up when he hears a sound.
Link:
What, who's there? Better not be Mick Jagger,
what a old !#$. He's singing of pimpness when he's
like 70.
Joker comes in.
Joker:
(Laughs) What up homie? I'm a tourist, since there
wasn't a hotel I decided to sleep here. Where's a
extra bed? Can I have the rest of that Kokiri Burger?
Link:
Get the ^%$# outta here.
Joker:
Give me one good reason why i should listen to
a 128 bit charecter.
Link:
Dude, I can't hang out with you, your not even a
video game character.
Joker:
Who cares? I can do whatever I want! Anyway I was in
Batman: Vengeance.
Link:
&^%$ Vengeance! That was in X-Box and Playstation 2,
so naturally I can't talk to you. Miyamoto's rules.
Joker:
Would you like to see a rule?
He gets machine gun out.
Link:
Hey, homie, have my burger, I'll get a Zorian coke for you.
Joker:
How many races are in this game? Reminds me of the million
men march. By the way, I had a "coke" before I came.
Link:
I can tell, oh, that's just a burger from your
nose.
Harley comes in the house.
Harley:
Mr. J, did you get the house?
Joker:
Of course I did, if he said no I was going to kill him.
Link:
Wow, who's this lady?
Joker:
Touch her and your lungs will be ripped out. And that is if
I'm in a good mood.
Link:
Well, batman in town?
Joker pulls gun out.
Joker:
Say his name again and you die.
Link:
&^%$, every time I say something, your pissed.
Why don't I call him Buttman? Does that make you
more excited? You happier?
Joker:
Your right, so why don't you leave and I keep the house.
Link:
Over my dead body.
Joker gets gun out.
Joker:
That can be arranged.
Link:
Just joking J, I'll leave.
Link is about to get down ladder, J kicks him to ground.
Link:
&^%$, I knew you'd do that.
Joker:
I couldn't help it, besides, only Harley calls me J.
Batman and Robin drive up in there car, they get out.
Link:
Hey Batsie, can you get Joker out of my house for me.....
Batman slaps his face, B and R go in house.
Robin:
What was that for?
Batman:
What he said earlier about my game. It blows Mama's
mask, or whatever that game was called away.
They walk in, Joker is taking a bath.
Batman:
^%$#, this never happens when I face Cat-Women
or Poison Ivy!
Joker:
Out! You can try to kick my %$^ when I'm done!
Let me be clean in peace!
Robin:
Hey, that white stuff ain't coming off.
Joker:
Your telling me that for all these years you haven't
noticed this is my natural skin color? What a idiot.
Batman and Robin walk outside, Link is there on ground.
Link:
Hey guys, will you help get my house back? Sorry
about before and all.
Batman:
I'll make a deal with ya, if you get the Joker out
of the house, while you let us party, we'll help you
get your house back.
Link:
Gee, thanks. I will.
Batman and Robin go on a couple of horses and ride off.
Robin:
That guy was dumber than I though.
Batman:
Yeah, he was a George W Bush campaign supporter.
Robin:
%$@#&* Independent. No politics on this trip.
Independents are just people who bash R's and D's.
Batman:
And any politician in any of them.
They go to Hyrule Market, they see Jim Morrison on stage singing.
This is at night.
Robin:
Is this where dead rockers end up at.
Jimi Hendrix walks up to him.
Jimi:
Hey, what is that?
Batman:
A Bat-grapple.
Jimi:
What a cool shooter. Can I shoot it up?
Batman:
Correction Robin, this is where dead rockers get
stoned at. %$#$ you Hendrix, didn't you learn the
hard way.
Jimi:
Foxy Batsie.
They go to where Hyrule castle is, it's dark and no one is there at the
gate, unlike Hyrule market where it's lighted up. (And I mean it is
literally "lighting" up, Jim is singing "Light my Fire" while
there lighting them up)
Robin:
Man, the Hyrulian guard ain't here.
The guard runs to his post.
Guard:
Sorry, I was shootin up.
Batman:
Heroin?
Guard:
No, some Goron bastards who tried to sneak in.
I shot them down. I shot the Goron sheriff.
Robin:
All right Eric Clapton wannabe, let us in Hyrule
Castle.
He opens up the gate and let's them through. They go up to the
Castle door and knock on it.
Robin:
Hey, what are we doing here? Are we gonna party
with the Zorians?
Batman:
Yeah, until I saw the party was Drugfest 1969.
I'm here to see Zelda, I wanna know why they named
the game after her.
Robin:
Well, I'm going to party with them. Wanna coke?
Batman:
No "coke", I'll be fine.
Batman enters castle.
Batman:
Uh, where is everyone?
He walks around a bit.
Int/Drugfest (Hyrule Market) / night
Robin is there hanging out with Jim, Jimi, Janice, Elvis, and some
other dead rock and rollers.
Raura:
Yes, even though I'm most known as a ^%$#@#%
sage, I was once a rocker.
Robin:
Oh, so rockers who die come here.
Raura:
Yes, in reincarnation. I wasn't the owl, all right!
Now I think one of these people is the who drummer.
Robin:
You know I'm a reincarnation of one of the old
Link's. Which ends the Link/Zelda, Brother/Sister
rumor.
Raura:
Just shut-up, there siblings.
Jim Morrison:
Please, do we have to act like ff.net over this
stupid argument?
Int/Link's house/day
Link:
Joker, will you do the plan?
Joker:
Sure, if I do succeed in killing Batman, you may
have your house back. But I keep your N Sync
collection, so I can burn it.
Link:
Dude, I have a CD burner, want a copy?
Joker:
&^%$ no, I meant burn it! Literally, so I can burn
down this ^%$#%&( town.
Link:
Oh sure, hey, there's gasoline in Mido's house, you
can get it under one condition.
Joker:
What? Make Batman listen to BSB for a hour? Man, I'm not even that
cruel.
Link:
You "test" the gasoline on Mido.
Joker:
Will do G.
Link:
By the way, you related to Saria? You have the same hair.
Joker:
Probably, I father a lot of kids. A lot of them are messed up.
Like a son of mine, Rob Zombie, now there's a true weirdo.
Int/Castle/night
Batman is walking around, he sees guy.
Batman:
Hey dude, can you show me around?
Michael Jackson:
Sure will.
Batman:
Never mind, I'd rather be lost for a eternity.
Batman climbs through window, he's at Zelda's garden.
Zelda:
Who are you.
Batman:
Most people know me as Buttman.
Zelda:
Most know me as slut.
Batman:
Oh, your on the same level as batgirl.
They look on city, Kokiri forest is on fire.
Zelda:
Those Kokiri been smoking too much.
It starts to rain, the fire goes out.
Batman:
I have some strange feeling about this.
He gives transmitter to Zelda.
Batman:
If your ever in trouble, push this and we'll come.
Zelda:
What if I need some new clothes?
Batman:
^%$#, what have I done? Next she'll want me to give a tour
of the bat cave. I'll just ignore her, it's not like anyone
but Ganon would care to get her. Well, there is that
Miyamoto weirdo.
Int/Hyrule Market/night
Freddie Mercury is singing a song.
Robin:
Yo Fred, got some Mary Jane? Some "Crackers"
Fred:
No, i didn't die of a drug overdose
Raura:
That's a first.
Int/Link's house/day
Half of the village is destroyed.
Joker:
^%$# this rain. Hey, what's happening at Hyrule Market,
all the lights are on.
Link:
Trust me, it's better if you stay here. Half the people
who go end up dead.
Hyrule Castle blows up.
Joker:
(Laughs) Looks like you have a mess on your hands.
Link:
And all because of you, you.........
Joker:
Look, I didn't do it.
Link:
Hey, I don't care what you do with the city, just
as long as you don't mess with Hyrule Market, I need
some "supplies".
Joker:
All right, get me something at the store too.
Int/Hyrule Market/day
Batman sees the castle blown up.
Batman:
Did I give her a Bat-Fart-Bomb? Oh well, it's
Link's problem now.
He sees several coffins in Hyrule Market.
Batman:
Where's Robin?
Jimi:
I think he's in that rainbow coffin. Sorry dude,
it was ecstasy that killed him.
Batman:
&^%$, where am I going to get a partner to help
get the joker?
Jimi:
I though Link did that.
Batman:
The only thing he did was helping the Joker.
Link comes through gate.
Batman:
Link, I need your help, me, you, and Jimi Hendrix are
going to capture the joker.
Link:
Dude, I'm off duty.
He points gun at Link.
Link:
All right dude, I'll go.
Int/Kokiri forest/night
Joker:
Where does he keep his MAD mags? All he has around here is
old TV guides, I mean c'mon, one of them has a pic of Aerosmith's
first tour. Those guys need to retire.
Joker is tied in net. Batman puts him on plane.
Batman:
Nice knowing you both, even though you
2 did nothing. Time for me to take this clown.
Joker:
Just take yourself and you'll be ok.
Jimi:
Sorry bout Robin, see ya.
Link:
See ya.
Joker:
Cool, we're flying high on the batplane.
Batman:
No, we're not "Flying High"
The Bat-Plane goes, a few hundred feet it blows up, with Joker on a
parachute going down.
Jimi:
What should we do?
Link:
Go back to Hyrule Market.
Jimi:
Good idea. They have a sale on there lovely "pots".
The End? If you want a sequal to this, request it in the review.
Ever wondered what a Batman/Zelda video game would be like? Once you
read this fic you wished you wouldn't.
Int/Market/day
Batman and Robin come in town. It's crowded in the market.
Batman:
This place sucks. Robin, have a scan on this area,
Joker's men must be here. &^%$, all of the Hyrulians
look the same.
All the Hyrulians look at him.
Batman:
Opps sorry, I'm used to everyone looking the same,
I'm a water boy for the NBA.
Robin:
National Buffon Assosiation.
Batman:
Unlike what Robin is in, the Women's National
Buffon Association.
Robin:
Hey Bruce, I think I know where Joker is.......
Batman:
Great, except how many times have i told you not to
use my real name! Dick!
Robin:
Hey, you used my real name!
Batman:
No, I'm calling you a Dick!
Int/Tree House/day
Link is sleeping in bed, he wakes up when he hears a sound.
Link:
What, who's there? Better not be Mick Jagger,
what a old !#$. He's singing of pimpness when he's
like 70.
Joker comes in.
Joker:
(Laughs) What up homie? I'm a tourist, since there
wasn't a hotel I decided to sleep here. Where's a
extra bed? Can I have the rest of that Kokiri Burger?
Link:
Get the ^%$# outta here.
Joker:
Give me one good reason why i should listen to
a 128 bit charecter.
Link:
Dude, I can't hang out with you, your not even a
video game character.
Joker:
Who cares? I can do whatever I want! Anyway I was in
Batman: Vengeance.
Link:
&^%$ Vengeance! That was in X-Box and Playstation 2,
so naturally I can't talk to you. Miyamoto's rules.
Joker:
Would you like to see a rule?
He gets machine gun out.
Link:
Hey, homie, have my burger, I'll get a Zorian coke for you.
Joker:
How many races are in this game? Reminds me of the million
men march. By the way, I had a "coke" before I came.
Link:
I can tell, oh, that's just a burger from your
nose.
Harley comes in the house.
Harley:
Mr. J, did you get the house?
Joker:
Of course I did, if he said no I was going to kill him.
Link:
Wow, who's this lady?
Joker:
Touch her and your lungs will be ripped out. And that is if
I'm in a good mood.
Link:
Well, batman in town?
Joker pulls gun out.
Joker:
Say his name again and you die.
Link:
&^%$, every time I say something, your pissed.
Why don't I call him Buttman? Does that make you
more excited? You happier?
Joker:
Your right, so why don't you leave and I keep the house.
Link:
Over my dead body.
Joker gets gun out.
Joker:
That can be arranged.
Link:
Just joking J, I'll leave.
Link is about to get down ladder, J kicks him to ground.
Link:
&^%$, I knew you'd do that.
Joker:
I couldn't help it, besides, only Harley calls me J.
Batman and Robin drive up in there car, they get out.
Link:
Hey Batsie, can you get Joker out of my house for me.....
Batman slaps his face, B and R go in house.
Robin:
What was that for?
Batman:
What he said earlier about my game. It blows Mama's
mask, or whatever that game was called away.
They walk in, Joker is taking a bath.
Batman:
^%$#, this never happens when I face Cat-Women
or Poison Ivy!
Joker:
Out! You can try to kick my %$^ when I'm done!
Let me be clean in peace!
Robin:
Hey, that white stuff ain't coming off.
Joker:
Your telling me that for all these years you haven't
noticed this is my natural skin color? What a idiot.
Batman and Robin walk outside, Link is there on ground.
Link:
Hey guys, will you help get my house back? Sorry
about before and all.
Batman:
I'll make a deal with ya, if you get the Joker out
of the house, while you let us party, we'll help you
get your house back.
Link:
Gee, thanks. I will.
Batman and Robin go on a couple of horses and ride off.
Robin:
That guy was dumber than I though.
Batman:
Yeah, he was a George W Bush campaign supporter.
Robin:
%$@#&* Independent. No politics on this trip.
Independents are just people who bash R's and D's.
Batman:
And any politician in any of them.
They go to Hyrule Market, they see Jim Morrison on stage singing.
This is at night.
Robin:
Is this where dead rockers end up at.
Jimi Hendrix walks up to him.
Jimi:
Hey, what is that?
Batman:
A Bat-grapple.
Jimi:
What a cool shooter. Can I shoot it up?
Batman:
Correction Robin, this is where dead rockers get
stoned at. %$#$ you Hendrix, didn't you learn the
hard way.
Jimi:
Foxy Batsie.
They go to where Hyrule castle is, it's dark and no one is there at the
gate, unlike Hyrule market where it's lighted up. (And I mean it is
literally "lighting" up, Jim is singing "Light my Fire" while
there lighting them up)
Robin:
Man, the Hyrulian guard ain't here.
The guard runs to his post.
Guard:
Sorry, I was shootin up.
Batman:
Heroin?
Guard:
No, some Goron bastards who tried to sneak in.
I shot them down. I shot the Goron sheriff.
Robin:
All right Eric Clapton wannabe, let us in Hyrule
Castle.
He opens up the gate and let's them through. They go up to the
Castle door and knock on it.
Robin:
Hey, what are we doing here? Are we gonna party
with the Zorians?
Batman:
Yeah, until I saw the party was Drugfest 1969.
I'm here to see Zelda, I wanna know why they named
the game after her.
Robin:
Well, I'm going to party with them. Wanna coke?
Batman:
No "coke", I'll be fine.
Batman enters castle.
Batman:
Uh, where is everyone?
He walks around a bit.
Int/Drugfest (Hyrule Market) / night
Robin is there hanging out with Jim, Jimi, Janice, Elvis, and some
other dead rock and rollers.
Raura:
Yes, even though I'm most known as a ^%$#@#%
sage, I was once a rocker.
Robin:
Oh, so rockers who die come here.
Raura:
Yes, in reincarnation. I wasn't the owl, all right!
Now I think one of these people is the who drummer.
Robin:
You know I'm a reincarnation of one of the old
Link's. Which ends the Link/Zelda, Brother/Sister
rumor.
Raura:
Just shut-up, there siblings.
Jim Morrison:
Please, do we have to act like ff.net over this
stupid argument?
Int/Link's house/day
Link:
Joker, will you do the plan?
Joker:
Sure, if I do succeed in killing Batman, you may
have your house back. But I keep your N Sync
collection, so I can burn it.
Link:
Dude, I have a CD burner, want a copy?
Joker:
&^%$ no, I meant burn it! Literally, so I can burn
down this ^%$#%&( town.
Link:
Oh sure, hey, there's gasoline in Mido's house, you
can get it under one condition.
Joker:
What? Make Batman listen to BSB for a hour? Man, I'm not even that
cruel.
Link:
You "test" the gasoline on Mido.
Joker:
Will do G.
Link:
By the way, you related to Saria? You have the same hair.
Joker:
Probably, I father a lot of kids. A lot of them are messed up.
Like a son of mine, Rob Zombie, now there's a true weirdo.
Int/Castle/night
Batman is walking around, he sees guy.
Batman:
Hey dude, can you show me around?
Michael Jackson:
Sure will.
Batman:
Never mind, I'd rather be lost for a eternity.
Batman climbs through window, he's at Zelda's garden.
Zelda:
Who are you.
Batman:
Most people know me as Buttman.
Zelda:
Most know me as slut.
Batman:
Oh, your on the same level as batgirl.
They look on city, Kokiri forest is on fire.
Zelda:
Those Kokiri been smoking too much.
It starts to rain, the fire goes out.
Batman:
I have some strange feeling about this.
He gives transmitter to Zelda.
Batman:
If your ever in trouble, push this and we'll come.
Zelda:
What if I need some new clothes?
Batman:
^%$#, what have I done? Next she'll want me to give a tour
of the bat cave. I'll just ignore her, it's not like anyone
but Ganon would care to get her. Well, there is that
Miyamoto weirdo.
Int/Hyrule Market/night
Freddie Mercury is singing a song.
Robin:
Yo Fred, got some Mary Jane? Some "Crackers"
Fred:
No, i didn't die of a drug overdose
Raura:
That's a first.
Int/Link's house/day
Half of the village is destroyed.
Joker:
^%$# this rain. Hey, what's happening at Hyrule Market,
all the lights are on.
Link:
Trust me, it's better if you stay here. Half the people
who go end up dead.
Hyrule Castle blows up.
Joker:
(Laughs) Looks like you have a mess on your hands.
Link:
And all because of you, you.........
Joker:
Look, I didn't do it.
Link:
Hey, I don't care what you do with the city, just
as long as you don't mess with Hyrule Market, I need
some "supplies".
Joker:
All right, get me something at the store too.
Int/Hyrule Market/day
Batman sees the castle blown up.
Batman:
Did I give her a Bat-Fart-Bomb? Oh well, it's
Link's problem now.
He sees several coffins in Hyrule Market.
Batman:
Where's Robin?
Jimi:
I think he's in that rainbow coffin. Sorry dude,
it was ecstasy that killed him.
Batman:
&^%$, where am I going to get a partner to help
get the joker?
Jimi:
I though Link did that.
Batman:
The only thing he did was helping the Joker.
Link comes through gate.
Batman:
Link, I need your help, me, you, and Jimi Hendrix are
going to capture the joker.
Link:
Dude, I'm off duty.
He points gun at Link.
Link:
All right dude, I'll go.
Int/Kokiri forest/night
Joker:
Where does he keep his MAD mags? All he has around here is
old TV guides, I mean c'mon, one of them has a pic of Aerosmith's
first tour. Those guys need to retire.
Joker is tied in net. Batman puts him on plane.
Batman:
Nice knowing you both, even though you
2 did nothing. Time for me to take this clown.
Joker:
Just take yourself and you'll be ok.
Jimi:
Sorry bout Robin, see ya.
Link:
See ya.
Joker:
Cool, we're flying high on the batplane.
Batman:
No, we're not "Flying High"
The Bat-Plane goes, a few hundred feet it blows up, with Joker on a
parachute going down.
Jimi:
What should we do?
Link:
Go back to Hyrule Market.
Jimi:
Good idea. They have a sale on there lovely "pots".
The End? If you want a sequal to this, request it in the review.