Fan Fiction ❯ Christmas at the Leilani-Novas ❯ Chapter 1

Christmas at the Leilani-Nova's

Michaela Johnson, 17th December 2005-12-17

 

 

“WAKE UP!!”

“Ow! Get off me what're you doing? It's… 6 am?! Bloody hell Tips…”

“CHRISTMAS!”

“I thought we didn't follow Christianity?”

“Ah shut up, everyone celebrates Christmas. Lets see if Santa's been!”

Tips sped out the door.

“Put some freakin' clothes on!!”

“Ooh!”

He ran back into the room and dived on the wardrobe. Olivier dragged himself out of bed, wrapped the covers around him and padded off into the kitchen, where Tetsuya was swearing violently at the kettle.

“What did that thing ever do to you?” he mumbled.

Tetsuya turned to look at him, his eyes had deep bags from lack of sleep, and his brown contact lenses were missing. Instead, he had a pair of thin wire frames on his nose, which reflected the tinsel. Tips, Marie and Ember had all insisted they celebrate Christmas. Lula and Bay didn't care either way, and Tetsuya had allowed himself to be persuaded that it would look odd if they didn't decorate the flat, play carols at full blast and have turkey. Olivier had always remembered Christmas to be a lavish affair where he never got a present yet was made to cook and clear up afterwards.

“It's taking too long to produce coffee!” The kettle clicked, and he snatched it up and poured the water in his mug, took a sip and spat it in the sink. Olivier went over to the cupboard and produced a jar of instant coffee. Tetsuya blinked at it, and Olivier spooned it into the water, put the jar away and handed the cup to him.

“See, this is why I need coffee in the morning. Thanks kid”

Olivier padded into the hall and headed towards the bathroom, was attacked with tinsel by Marie, and locked himself in. Looking around the room was something to be done with shades. Fairy lights decorated the basin and baubles hung off the shower rail. Tinsel framed the mirror and ran around the loo seat, which also played `jingle bells' whenever the lid was lifted. He stuck his tongue out in the mirror and clicked his stud against his teeth, then examined his eye bags and combed his hair with his fingers. He tugged at his black silk pyjamas and threw the tinsel round his neck on the floor, before padding off to the lounge, flicking shiny green plastic out his hair. He collapsed on the huge L-shaped red sofa in curled up in the corner, and fell asleep.

5 minutes later Ember padded in and snuggled up against him, tugging at his quilt.

20 minutes later, Tips and Marie met in the hallway and ambushed the living room. Marie burst in wearing a short red dress with white fur trim and Tips had flashing reindeer antlers, in a flash of tinsel, fairy lights and party popper confetti. Ember jumped and woke up Olivier, who swore and sneezed on the pine fresh air freshener Tips was spraying, just to get that `authentic Christmas tree smell'. Joy.

Lula and Bay were curled up on the big armchair and Tetsuya wandered in with his third mug of coffee and a rich tea biscuit. He hadn't laid into the chocolate caramel digestives just yet. Decorations hung from the ceiling and the Christmas greatest hits CD was on timer, so it came on at 8am sharp and switched itself off at 11pm. Six stockings were strung across the fireplace each with someone's name on and there was a mountain of presents under the tree, all in matching ribbon and wrapping. Even Olivier decided that he would put his love of spending large amounts of money to good use, and everyone had splashed out on very generous gifts with money they didn't have and would never have to repay. Tips said prayers of gratitude every day for his (sixth) credit card.

“Happy Christmas!!! Jingle bells, Jingle bells…”

“Hide the eggnog!” Lula whispered frantically to Tetsuya, who moved to put the bottle behind the armchair and tipped half his coffee into the vase on the side table, and didn't notice. Tips and Marie finished jingle bells and skanked to the next tacky pop tune that was released some time 20 years ago.

“I'll make breakfast,” said Lula, untangling herself from Bay and stretching.

“Sure. When are you doing dinner Olivier? Shouldn't you be starting that by now?”

“I'm doing dinner?” said Olivier in disbelief. “Since when?”

“Since you're the only one of us who can cook”

“You can cook”

“It's your kitchen”

“Since when?!”

“Since you never let anyone else cook anything. Tell me dear brother, how did you refrain from diving on Lula and insisting she sit down?”

“It's too early for him!” giggled Ember.

“I'm sure she can manage breakfast. I don't know where to start with Christmas dinner, what's in it?”

“This, we anticipated” said Ember. She got up in her silk Japanese pyjamas and tossed Olivier a present. “Open it”

Even Marie and Tips had stopped to watch. Olivier glared at them and tore the wrapping off… a Christmas cookery book.

“Start to finish 3 course dinner and all the ingredients are in our fridge and have been since 5 am this morning. Ah, Thankyou” he accepted a plate of toast off Lula. She put another one piled up on the coffee table, which everybody instantly attacked from the bottom. Not too wisely.

“Fine, I'll go and cook”

“You knew you were going too anyway, it's always the same, we make mess, you bustle in halfway through and point out we've had the recipe pages stuck together with jam or something and are making fruits of the forest casserole, then you start over again and we all love you for it. You had it all planned out,” said Marie. The bells on her Santa hat jangled as she nodded knowingly.

“Whatever. Lets get this started before I develop an allergy to glitter.”

“I wanna help!” Tips dropped his toast in excitement and followed Olivier into the kitchen; he'd given up his quilt to Ember.

In the kitchen Tips pulled up a stool at the breakfast counter and Olivier flicked through the book lazily.

“Forget the damn starter we don't need starters… Okay main course turkey, roast potatoes, carrots, beans, peas, parsnips, sprouts…”

“Leave those out!”

“Whatever. Keep reading” Olivier dropped the open book on the counter in from of Tips and began the task of getting the turkey out of the fridge.

“Fook the turkey for 5 hours!?”

“What the hell?” Olivier plonked the turkey on a baking tray that was about 4 times too small and looked at the book.

“That says cook! There's a smudge on the page…retard”

“Fine you do it”

“I am! Peel the carrots…”

“'Kay”

“And the do potatoes and the beans and the parsnips”

There was a silence. Tips left the room. He returned with Ember, Marie and Tetsuya, who were all allocated vegetables. They were all in a line along the counter bumping elbows and nudging each other with cutlery.

“I don't want a lot for Christmas…” started Tips

“There is just one thing I need!” sang Ember

“I don't care about the presents,” said Tetsuya

“Underneath the Christmas tree!” Rang Marie

“I just want you for my own,” said Tips

“More than you could ever know!” sand Lula, from the next room

“Make my wish come true!” Everyone stared at Olivier.

“Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you!” they chorused.

This started off a dance routine between Tips, Ember and Marie. Olivier and Tetsuya traded knowing looks and decided upon drumming with kitchen utensils.

“Saucepans! We need saucepans!”

Tips prodded Olivier in the ribs. He squirmed and jabbed a thumb upwards.

“In the top cupboard”

“Okie dokie!” Tips hopped onto the counter and stood up to open the top cupboard.

“Whoa!”

“Shit!”

“Ow!”

“Oops…”

“Why'd you keep em up there?!”

“So you guys don't mess with them”

“What is going on?”

Lula was at the doorway; giving them her `tell me now, and this better be good' look.

“I only opened the cupboard! And all the pans fell down” He said sulkily. Marie grinned and put the colander on Ember's head before fixing a saucepan on her neatly lacquered curls. She turned to carry on peeling potatoes and hit Olivier on the head with a handle. He hit her with a slotted spoon.

“Just get on with it. Aren't you done? We wanna open presents!” She waved her arms around. A diamond bracelet on her wrist caught the light.

“Did Bay buy you that?” asked Ember. Lula blushed.

“Maybe” she smiled, and breezed back into the lounge.

“Hurry up! I want presents!” moaned Tips.

“You're like a big kid. You go ahead, let me get on with this” Muttered Olivier. Everyone except Ember cleared out. She helped him sort out the cooking times and various pans.

“What about dessert?”

“It's not rocket science, just chocolate cake”

“Ah”

Olivier sat at the breakfast bar and took a few deep breaths.

“Don't you like Christmas?” she asked, sliding into the seat next to him.

“I hate Christmas. I've never had a good Christmas.” He moaned, staring blankly at the notice board, complete with flashing Santa and tinsel trim.

“This one'll be good. Just wait and see” She kissed him on the cheek and wandered into the lounge.

“Christmas is still Christmas.” He called. He sighed and followed her in.

“Hey! What time will lunch be?” was the first thing Bay said to him. Tips and Marie were arguing over who had the biggest presents and shaking boxes frantically.

“3pm. You can't tell me you're hungry already”

“Nope. You forget, I don't eat. Happy Christmas baby brother” he smiled broadly and handed Olivier a present.

“Wow 2 in one day? Lucky me”

“Open it!”

He tore off the paper to find a black choker cross necklace.

“I know how much you hate that slave band”

“Don't call it that!”

“Okay I'm sorry… But I wont allow you to get it removed”

“Seriously, listen to the guy” said Tips. Bay took the necklace from the box and put it on for him, careful not to brush the raw metal.

“Thanks” Olivier managed a smile.

And so the present swapping began.

Everyone ended up with some form of jewellery, a new outfit, belts, chains, whips, chocolate, knives, guns and novelty items. The living room had exploded in an eruption of brightly coloured paper. They sat in silence appreciating gifts and listening to the song loop. Tips picked up some wrapping and balled it up, throwing it at Marie, who was busy behind the sofa trying to discretely trying to wiggle into her new underwear Tetsuya had bought her. She went to pick up the ball and fell over backwards.

“Damn suspenders were not made for going to war!” she cursed. She emerged five minutes later, with a collection paper balls, in stockings, a corset and lacy knickers. She pelted Tips.

“Dear god I didn't think it was possible but that outfit is at least 4 times as bad as the skimpy Mrs. Santa suit! Christ Marie!” Tips was so shocked every paper ball bounced off him unnoticed. Ember, however, hit Marie perfectly.

“Hey!”

“You look like a hooker!”

“You!”

And so, the paper war began, and everyone got roped in. Unfortunately one landed behind the armchair. As Tips went to retrieve it, he discovered the eggnog.

“Wha- how long's this been here!?”

“Yeah about that one um…”

“I'm gonna go check on dinner…”

“I demand glasses!”

“Don't get the glasses!”

“Oh shut up you'll have one shot of vodka at 7pm and wake up at 3 tomorrow wondering what the hell happened and die when we get the disposable camera developed”

Olivier decided dinner was ready and began to dish it out. He called in Ember to mass-produce gravy.

“Sit down guys food's done!”

Ember could hear them squabbling outside the door over who sat where and next to who. She thought crackers may be a better idea some time later, and helped Olivier carry through plates.

“Wow! Well done!”

“It wasn't hard”

“It is with monkey in the kitchen”

“Hey! I'll smoke your present!”

“That's just rude”

“Shut up and eat”

“Aww”

Dinner proceeded fairly well. Towards the end Lula was feeding Bay, Marie was feeding Tetsuya and Olivier was feeding Ember. Tips fed the vase of flowers with random parsnips and bits of food from other people's plates when they weren't paying attention. Which was amusing for quite some time. He wandered off into the kitchen and found a bottle of champagne in the fridge. He couldn't resist shaking it first.

“Watch that cork” murmured Tetsuya. As predicted, Tips aimed it away from everyone else and hit the light bulb.

“Every fucking time man!”

“I'm sorry!”

“Do we have any more bulbs?”

“No but there are enough fairy lights in here to light a runway. Quit fussing, drink more” was Bay's philosophy of the day. Tips had foam in his hair.

“What's for dessert?” he asked.

“How can you eat anymore?” asked Lula incredulously.

“I'm good for dessert,” said Marie. Olivier slid off his chair to fetch it. “Bring the crackers in too!”

He couldn't be bothered to dish out pudding; he just took it in with 7 spoons, set it down on the table, and lobbed a cracker at everyone. Everybody dived for their cracker and after a series of loud bangs; they were swapping yoyos, bottle openers, fridge magnets, screwdrivers and jokes. Olivier pulled his cracker with Ember and threw his dice at Bay. Tips insisted everyone wear their hats, and suddenly the chocolate log was noticed, and there was a rush on for spoons. Tips would have fed the roses again but he decided it was too good to give away. He promised he'd water it later. Maybe donate a bit of eggnog.

“What do we do now?” asked Tetsuya, after everything had been taken out into the kitchen.

“Well you guys can wash up. I did all the work”

“You made the mess, you clear it up!”

“No way, I wanna sit back and watch you guys in there”

“Simple enough, I'll do it” said Lula. She'd gotten changed into her new black dress. Olivier followed her into the kitchen and watched her unlock the cupboard that had 16 locks on, to reveal… the dishwasher.

“How long has that been there?”

“Always. We thought after the accidents with the oven and the toaster and the microwave and the fridge, this was just too dangerous. Some things are just not supposed to be washed.”

“Or burnt or frozen for that matter. Remember the radio in the freezer? The voices freaked him out cause here were no people like on the TV”

“Shame it didn't occur to him there was an off button. At least it wasn't chucked out of the window.”

“That was Tetsuya”

“Oh yeah, the alarm clock…”

“And the vodka”

“And Tips' cigarettes”

“Probably wasn't the best idea to live on the 8th floor”

“Ah well. Come on” said Lula, switching the dishwasher on and relocking the cupboard.

“Do you still have the key to the drinks cabinet?”

“Yup”

“Please? It is Christmas,” He hugged her arm.

“Fine, but only cause it's Christmas and it'll be boring as hell if I don't”

“Thankyou!”

Olivier dived on the sofa next to Ember, who now had tinsel in her hair.

“Do we have any party games?” she asked him

“Nope”

“Aww”

“What about… I've never”

“No alco- Yes!”

Lula was busy unpacking the drinks cabinet. An assortment of vodka, alocopops, whiskey, rum, brandy, gin, wine, champagne and all sorts of other liquors and spirits were piled onto the coffee table.

“The eggnog! Where'd that go?” realised Tips.

“Thank god for distraction” sighed Tetsuya. He warily produced it from behind the armchair, where he'd hidden it again after the mad seat rush. Shot glasses, wine glasses and champagne flutes were brought from the kitchen by Bay, who instantly picked out the brandy. Lula opened red wine, Tips took eggnog, Tetsuya produced a bottle of sake, Marie had rum, Ember poured a glass of white wine and Olivier picked up the vodka, which he'd been edging away from Tips.

“We're so typical,” laughed Ember

“So what?” said Marie

“Okay, 10 shots everyone! What're we using?” said Bay, after everyone was starting to look a bit flushed and we on his or her 3rd glass.

“Vodka” said Tips, smiling snidely at Tetsuya. Suya glared back. Olivier handed over his stash, reluctantly, and poured out 70 shots full.

“Okay guys, who's starting?”

“Me” said Lula “I've never eaten 4 day old take-away”

Tips shrugged, and took a shot, as did Ember and Marie.

“That's disgusting,” she laughed.

“My go, said Ember. “I've never left the house without a bra on. Guys take a shot if you have”

Tips, Marie, and Lula all took shots. After exchanging a few warning looks, Bay swallowed.

“What the hell!? Bay!” Lula pushed him roughly, laughing.

“It was a dare…”

“It was hilarious. Some asked him where he got it cause they liked it so much! Black with red lace if I remember correctly…”

“Oh shut up, yours was pink and fluffy”

“Wait how did people know?”

“We wore waistcoats”

“Charity! Dammit I should have said it was for charity!”

“Next question. Tips”

“I've never kissed a guy or a girl mistaking them for the other”

“That's only cause they're too busy mistaking you for female”

“Shut up Bay and take that shot”

“Fine”

Marie and Tetsuya joined him.

“Suya!?”

“Yeah yeah…Oli's go”

“Okay umm…I've never worn the same pair of underwear for more than 2 days in a row”

As predicted, Tips was first to touch his glass. Tetsuya reluctantly joined him.

“My go,” said Bay, “I've never had a one night stand”

“Liar” said Tips

“Just drink”

“Fine”

Tips took another. His cheeks were looking rosy. Marie, Lula, and Tetsuya also cleared off another shot.

“I've never kissed my brother or sister!” Marie grinned.

“Does Ember count?”

“No but Tetsuya does”

“Shit!”

Tips drank his vodka. Tetsuya glared and did the same. Bay and Olivier looked at each other, and drank.

“Oli! Is that seriously your first shot?”

“Yes”

“You kissed Bay!?”

“Always remember hat alcohol is NEVER your friend”

They laughed until their ribs hurt, and Tetsuya claimed his go.

“I've never gone out with my underwear on back to front”

Marie, Olivier, Ember and Tips were caught out. Marie was giggling a lot by this time, and Tetsuya was mumbling and laughing to himself.

“Me again. I've never taken advantage of a small child generosity,” said Lula.

“You guys are just out to get me,” said Tips, taking a shot.

“I once paid this street kid 30p to clean the entire apartment,” giggled Marie.

“Drink up and feel ashamed!” said Bay in shock. Tips, by this time, was playing with the tree ornaments and singing a rude version of `jingle bells'.

“I've never had sex in a public place” said Ember.

“Oh what!?”

“No way…”

“You can't do that one!”

“Take those shots!”

Bay, Lula, Tips, Tetsuya and Marie sulkily drank up. Tips hiccupped.

“I'me? Me? Ohh um… I never paid for a hookerrrrr” He laughed and hung baubles off his earrings.

Bay, Tetsuya and Olivier took shots. Well, Bay and Olivier did. Tetsuya picked up his glass, missed his mouth and tipped it over his shoulder; wandered where the vodka went and decided he must have drank it.

“I'm shocked!” exclaimed Lula.

“Olivier!” Ember clipped him over the ear.

“Ahh Shuddup” he coughed.

“I've never been caught at it” Olivier slurred.

Tips, Tetsuya, Marie, Lula and Bay knocked another one back. Olivier sniggered at them high pitched. Bay had slumped and collapsed on Lula. Ember was stopped Marie from taking her very last clothes off, and thanked Olivier for not suggesting strip poker. Olivier sincerely asked her if she knew the room was spinning. Tips had wrapping paper on his head and was finishing off the eggnog.

“I've never worked as a whore” said Bay.

“Ya sure `bout dat one hunni pie?” mumbled Tips, taking another one.

“Have you drank at every single question that wasn't your own, Tips?” asked Ember.

“Yeeaah”

“You have no shots left”

“Yeeaah… Do I win or looose?”

“Not sure”

Marie drank with him. Tips laughed at her.

“Sweet Screamin' Scarlet” he grinned. Olivier drained the remaining vodka.

“Hush”

“That's your guitar,” said Lula shortly.

“Yeeaah…”

“Don't sleep with my girlfriend” Tetsuya muttered. He aimed a shot glass as Tips, missed, and hit the lamp. “Ah shi-“

“Where'd everbuddy go?”

Ember switched on another set of fairy lights.

“Shit!”

“Bright light!”

“Arrrggghhh…”

“Well as the shots stand… Tips has 0, Marie has 1, Tetsuya has 3, Bay has 4 and has fallen asleep, Lula has 6, Oli has 7 and I have 8” said Ember. Olivier stood up and took her hand.

“Come wi'me… cuz is Chistma… yeah… Christma…”

“You're gonna hurt in the morning”

“Thatta promise?” he grinned, laughed and dragged her into the bedroom, leaving Lula sobering up in the bathroom, Bay snuggling up to Tips behind the sofa and Tetsuya taking off Marie's underwear.

“Merry Christmas everyone… You're all gonna hate me in the morning” Ember laughed, winding up the disposable camera.