Fan Fiction ❯ Consequences ❯ Consequences ( One-Shot )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Lord Xing 
The sequel to "Obsessions" and the conclusion to the short series. He finally gets caught and these are his thoughts and feelings on that.
m/m situations
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 12.07.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.0K | Visits: 375 | Status: Completed
The sequel to "Obsessions" and the conclusion to the short series. He finally gets caught and these are his thoughts and feelings on that.
m/m situations
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 12.07.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.0K | Visits: 375 | Status: Completed
Consequences
By: Lord Xing
Fandom: None
Drama/angst
Rating: PG-13
Archive: If you want to, then ask me first, if you wanna just play around and have me make you take it off don't ask.
Feedback: Yeah, of course!
Story blurb: The conclusion to the small series of man watching his friend stories.
Warnings: male/male situations, angst, mature themes.
I got caught. I knew that I would eventually. I was just in the wrong spot at the wrong time, and he caught me. He glared at me, and I knew right away that whatever it was he wasn't going to confront me now, that he'd do it some other time, because he was busy with his boyfriend. I knew right away, that he would never want to see me again past the brief time he gave me to be with him the next day. But, it was only because he wanted to yell at me, to lecture me. Things like that.
He didn't hit me, which surprised me. I really thought he would, and I knew I would have deserved to be hit, but he didn't do it. I stood there and watched him walk off, too, still expecting him to change his mind, come back, hit me, beat me up, lecture me some more, scream at me some more. But, he didn't do it.
You know what really got me? That disappointed, hurt expression he had on his face. I knew it hurt him and disappointed him that after I ignored all of his hints and all of the chances he gave me, that I wasn't satisfied with just being his friend, that I had to spy on him, too. I knew he felt that I'd betrayed him.
I wanted to kick myself, and then throw myself into a fire, but burning would be too good for me. I wanted to run up to him, too, and grab onto him, and get on my knees and beg his forgiveness. I've never wanted to do that for any reason before. But, this time, I wanted to. I wanted to hang onto his legs, while I was on my knees in front of him, and beg him to forgive me. And, this time it wasn't in a sexual way that I wanted to do that.
So, what I meant when I said I never wanted to do that before, I meant that I never wanted to SINCERELY do that before. You know, he never wants to see me again. He actually said he didn't think he could take just being around me in a friendly way, now, because he'd feel too bad about everything that had happened. I can tell that he'll probably never forgive me for what I've done.
I know, I don't deserve his forgiveness. I knew what I was doing was wrong while I was doing it, but I did it anyway, I couldn't help myself. Maybe, now it's a good idea to get a psychiatrist. Find out why I can't control myself, fix it, and maybe he'll be my friend, at least, again. And, maybe then I won't blow it.
Seriously, though, what's wrong with me? Something's gotta be wrong with me in the head. I mean, I blow the chances and ignore the hints to be his boyfriend, something I really did and still do wanna be, so then I have to go and blow all chances of just being his friend, too??? Something is seriously wrong with me, that I would do those things.
I still really like him, I still want to be his boyfriend, but I know that's way out of the question now. He's happy with the guy he has and he's too upset with me to even want to be around me anymore, not that I blame him.
Yes, I'm repeating myself, but come on, I have to! Maybe, if I go over this in my mind over and over again, I'll figure out what the Hell my problem is. Maybe, then I can fix it, without having to spend those high prices for a psychiatrist to listen to me talk.
What am I supposed to do with myself now? Just sit around and do nothing? That's probably the most of what I'll be doing, because I know I'm going to have a hard time moving on from this. At least I could concentrate a little bit better when I was still his friend, even though I was obsessed with following him around when he was on dates and watching him have sex. But, now, there's nothing.
You know, I remember something somebody told me a long time ago. It's a great life if you don't weaken. I weakened and now I'm paying for it. Dearly. I lost a very good friend, by making a lot of stupid choices. And, losing him as a friend, is something I don't know how long I'll be able to stand. I have to get him back as my friend, to make him understand things from my side, to make it all up to him.
I don't know how, but I'm going to do it. I have to. I can't stand the way things turned out, I have to change it, I have to fix everything. And, once everything is fixed, I'll make sure not to weaken again. If he stays with that guy, I'll be happy for him. If they break up, I'll be there if he needs me, and if he gives me any signs that he ever wants to be with me, I'll take the hints and the chances, I won't ignore them and blow it all again.
Sure, I know, second chances in life rarely happen, but maybe this'll be one of those rare times. At least I hope so.
Well, it's a great life if you don't weaken, just like my friend told me way back when, and I realize the truth of that statement now. I'm facing the consequences for weakening. I know I deserve what I got, though. But, now...it's time to fix this!
The End
Author's note: Yeah, I know, it sucked big time. --; Not like anybody reads these originals, anyways. I sure as Hell never get any reviews for them. --;
By: Lord Xing
Fandom: None
Drama/angst
Rating: PG-13
Archive: If you want to, then ask me first, if you wanna just play around and have me make you take it off don't ask.
Feedback: Yeah, of course!
Story blurb: The conclusion to the small series of man watching his friend stories.
Warnings: male/male situations, angst, mature themes.
I got caught. I knew that I would eventually. I was just in the wrong spot at the wrong time, and he caught me. He glared at me, and I knew right away that whatever it was he wasn't going to confront me now, that he'd do it some other time, because he was busy with his boyfriend. I knew right away, that he would never want to see me again past the brief time he gave me to be with him the next day. But, it was only because he wanted to yell at me, to lecture me. Things like that.
He didn't hit me, which surprised me. I really thought he would, and I knew I would have deserved to be hit, but he didn't do it. I stood there and watched him walk off, too, still expecting him to change his mind, come back, hit me, beat me up, lecture me some more, scream at me some more. But, he didn't do it.
You know what really got me? That disappointed, hurt expression he had on his face. I knew it hurt him and disappointed him that after I ignored all of his hints and all of the chances he gave me, that I wasn't satisfied with just being his friend, that I had to spy on him, too. I knew he felt that I'd betrayed him.
I wanted to kick myself, and then throw myself into a fire, but burning would be too good for me. I wanted to run up to him, too, and grab onto him, and get on my knees and beg his forgiveness. I've never wanted to do that for any reason before. But, this time, I wanted to. I wanted to hang onto his legs, while I was on my knees in front of him, and beg him to forgive me. And, this time it wasn't in a sexual way that I wanted to do that.
So, what I meant when I said I never wanted to do that before, I meant that I never wanted to SINCERELY do that before. You know, he never wants to see me again. He actually said he didn't think he could take just being around me in a friendly way, now, because he'd feel too bad about everything that had happened. I can tell that he'll probably never forgive me for what I've done.
I know, I don't deserve his forgiveness. I knew what I was doing was wrong while I was doing it, but I did it anyway, I couldn't help myself. Maybe, now it's a good idea to get a psychiatrist. Find out why I can't control myself, fix it, and maybe he'll be my friend, at least, again. And, maybe then I won't blow it.
Seriously, though, what's wrong with me? Something's gotta be wrong with me in the head. I mean, I blow the chances and ignore the hints to be his boyfriend, something I really did and still do wanna be, so then I have to go and blow all chances of just being his friend, too??? Something is seriously wrong with me, that I would do those things.
I still really like him, I still want to be his boyfriend, but I know that's way out of the question now. He's happy with the guy he has and he's too upset with me to even want to be around me anymore, not that I blame him.
Yes, I'm repeating myself, but come on, I have to! Maybe, if I go over this in my mind over and over again, I'll figure out what the Hell my problem is. Maybe, then I can fix it, without having to spend those high prices for a psychiatrist to listen to me talk.
What am I supposed to do with myself now? Just sit around and do nothing? That's probably the most of what I'll be doing, because I know I'm going to have a hard time moving on from this. At least I could concentrate a little bit better when I was still his friend, even though I was obsessed with following him around when he was on dates and watching him have sex. But, now, there's nothing.
You know, I remember something somebody told me a long time ago. It's a great life if you don't weaken. I weakened and now I'm paying for it. Dearly. I lost a very good friend, by making a lot of stupid choices. And, losing him as a friend, is something I don't know how long I'll be able to stand. I have to get him back as my friend, to make him understand things from my side, to make it all up to him.
I don't know how, but I'm going to do it. I have to. I can't stand the way things turned out, I have to change it, I have to fix everything. And, once everything is fixed, I'll make sure not to weaken again. If he stays with that guy, I'll be happy for him. If they break up, I'll be there if he needs me, and if he gives me any signs that he ever wants to be with me, I'll take the hints and the chances, I won't ignore them and blow it all again.
Sure, I know, second chances in life rarely happen, but maybe this'll be one of those rare times. At least I hope so.
Well, it's a great life if you don't weaken, just like my friend told me way back when, and I realize the truth of that statement now. I'm facing the consequences for weakening. I know I deserve what I got, though. But, now...it's time to fix this!
The End
Author's note: Yeah, I know, it sucked big time. --; Not like anybody reads these originals, anyways. I sure as Hell never get any reviews for them. --;