Fan Fiction ❯ Deus ex Conker ❯ Frequency ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Ultimanium 
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.14.2002 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.4K | Visits: 203 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.14.2002 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.4K | Visits: 203 | Status: Completed
Conker darted down the hallway, banking left. Then turning left again. Then a right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left.
Conker began to slow down and he keeled over, trying to catch his breath. "Why is this place so damn big? I know I own the world and all.. but... ah... forget it... gotta keep going..."
Conker broke into a jog and cleared the next corner. He jumped back around the edge and hugged the wall. 8 soldiers watched the service exit near Conker.
"Hey... wait... if cartoon disguises work like they do...I can just walk by with one piece of soldier apparel and get by effortlessly. Here goes..."
Conker put on his helmet and walked right by the troopers, gathered around a radio sitting on the floor. As Conker reached for the aluminum bar on the door, a hand landed on his shoulder.
"Private! ID please."
Though Conker didn't realize it, he had already started to reach into his sweater collar and he took out a pair of dog tags. "Er... um... 0099 8835 8744."
The sergeant looked over his shoulder. "Timmins! Do we have a 0099 8835 8744 in 23rd brigade?"
Conker winced. He was in for it. Out of a corner of his mind he remembered he was out of 42nd brigade, one of the 8 that ran the siege operation on the Tediz' island fortress during its attack. Conker had barely made it out alive.
A soldier grey squirrel tapped the number into a palmtop. After a few clicks, a sign came up on the screen.
He looked up. "Sir! The master computer says he's out of 42nd brigade."
"Private, was 42nd brigade sent here for reinforcements?"
Conker tried hard to perform a proper salute, but it fell apart. "Eh.. uh.. Yessir! The remainder of my brigade should be here shortly!"
The sergeant turned around. "The problem's worse than we think if the 42nd brigade's been sent. Timmins, organize another patrol run on the west wing of the palace. This time, check the vents."
"Yessir!" The soldier barked. He jumped up and bounded down the hall.
"As for you, Private.... Private? Where the hell? PRIVATE! Where are you?!"
********
The J2's cart slid slowly out of the modified catscanner. Pringle glanced up at the linked monitor and rubbed his chin. "Hmm.. Eentresting... there's some veeery intricate machinery at vork here...still, how is it supposed it traverse dimensions is beyond me."
The J2 rolled off the cart and hovered in place.
"Vell then, we'll just have to put you away for another day, an.."
As Pringle placed his hand on the J2, it began to emit a gentle green aura. The J2 tore through space-time fabric and began its journey. As fast as it had left, Pringle's chair wobbled above its laboratory floor once more. But... something was different.
"Vha! Vhere did I get such atrocious attire?!" Pringle dropped a suitcase out of his hand that he had not known was even there!
Pringle shook his head and smacked it a couple of times, then grabbed his lab coat off of the handle of his hoverchair and cloaked himself with it to cover his newly-acquired hawaiian t-shirt and red shorts. Then memories started hitting him. Hard.
"Ooh, man... that hut on the beach.. I got some reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally good drinks there.. I should take a vacation some time and... vhat is vrong with me?!" He glanced over to the J2. It was sitting on the cart.
The J2 activiated itself and a voice hummed through it:
"He *crackle* llo out there! Yo *zzzzt* u don't thin *eeeeeeeeeeeeee* k you got away with it *oooooooo* do you?"
Pringle quickly shut off the J2 again. The voice was different this time. It was considerably deeper than the one he had heard before, and several similarly pitched voices reverberated in the background.
"Oi.. methinks I need a rest..." Pringle sighed. He hovered slowly out of the mess of the laboratory and went to get a good book.
The J2 had a vengenace.. and it wasn't going to let it go unheard.
Keyvan : What is happening with the J2? And how about that voice...? Will Conker ever have to deal with the J2? Speaking of which, how's he doing?
Conker trudged up to the barbwired fence in Windy. He had never hoped to return this place as long as he had lived, but, duty endured. Frowning, he hopped over the fence and the door in front of him slid open. As he walked down the dimly lighted tunnel he could practically hear the cries of the wounded soldiers on the beach around him that fateful day. Conker shook the disturbing thoughts from his head - he knew he had to keep going. The military would be his next big fix... since Conker had been appointed monarch, the only people to know of his rule over the country were his 'subjects' and the king's private guard - brigades 1 through 35. The standard forces, brigades 35-200, would be the perfect place to hide out until the storm rose over. If he could tough it out long enough, he would be presumed dead, at which point he could resign and return home. Conker smiled to himself - yeah, that would work. I could go home, kick up on a recliner, and watch some good 'ol porn with a cold one in my hand. I'm sure Berri wouldn't mind..... Berri.... no, can't think about Berri, you did what you could, and that's that. There's happiness in other places... you just gotta look hard enough and work with it.
Conker's tail drooped. He sighed. Gotta live with it.
Conker plodded out the other end of the tunnel into the embattlement. Metal chairs were arranged at the foot of a small stage ahead of him. As he walked on, he noticed several passing soldiers were giving him suspicious looks.
"I sure as hell hope THESE guys don't know.."
A heavy hand hit Conker's shoulder, nearly knocking him down. Conker whipped around and looked up.
"Hey.. man? Is that you? Conker! It is!"
Conker remembered. It was the sergeant that had went along in his transport during the Tediz siege. While he had never actually bothered talking to any of the troops in his brigade then, he was apparently some kind of role model. Conker glanced at the nametag on his chest.
Keyvan : You know, that big bulky sergeant that shows up in the multiplayer games too and says 'aw, fuck that shit' a bunch of times.
*Keyvan drums his fingers on the desk. He plucks the first word that he thinks.*
"...Batman? Sergeant Batman?"
*Keyvan shakes his head. Nah, that's a bit TOO harsh.*
"...Memorex? Sergeant Memorex?"
*No way, that sounds like a mascot. Not one CD-R Keyvan's used of theirs has worked.*
"...Keyvan? Sergeant Keyvan?"
*There's a name here somewhere. Keyvan just has to find it.*
"...Epson? Sergeant Epson?"
*Okay, there. That works.... somewhat.*
"That's me. It's great to have a soldier like you back."
Conker looked over his shoulder at the stage behind him. "What's the deal with the getup?"
"Why, we're giving out the awards of valor during the Tediz Sige Operation of... um... Siege Tediz of Operation... Operation Tediz of the Siege of Tediz Operation... aw, fuck that shit! All you need to know is that promotions are on the way for the bunch of ya."
Unbeknowest to either Conker or Epson, the awards show had already gotten underway in their 2 minute talk. "Conker! Get up here!" The announcer yelled.
Conker, somewhat surprised, hopped up on the stage.
"THIS squirrel is the one that, alongside the test subject Rodent, managed to slip in throughout the confusion generated by the siege of Fort Tediz and singlehandedly brought down the entire Tediz war machine as well as defeated a secret weapon devised by the Tediz, and made it out of the compound with as little as a scratch on him! Conker, on behalf of the Windy Armed Forces, would like to present you a Medal of Valor alongside your promotion to Corporal..."
Conker took the platinum-sheeted medal as well as a pair of fabric chevrons. The audience cheered.
Conker grinned. Maybe this entire military thing isn't going to be so bad after all.
"...as well as a spot on our elite commando brigade!"
Conker shifted an eyebrow. "...elite commando brigade?"
"Brigade No. 201," the announcer said. "Charged with the most dangerous covert operations in the Windy military."
Conker sighed. In for a penny, in for a pound. While the Tediz were dissiapated by the destruction of Fort Tediz, the assault had worked to fragment them. On the news, the Windy military had let loose information that small armies of the Tediz still patrolled the outer steppes of the kingdom, and several skirmishes had taken place. Conker's mission was far from over.
Conker just smiled and waved out to the crowd. He wondered how Berri would take it if she ever could hear how well he was doing.
********
"Cooooonker!! You ass, like, come out already!"
Berri, still in her Vertex outfit, strutted into the now vacant throne room. The room was devoid of its normal happy, standing populace. The B-button carpet was still there, as was the tank of nerve gas and a letter sitting on the armrest of the throne.
Berri quickly tore open the letter and yanked out a tattered piece of paper.
You never should have made the mistake of letting your highness out of your sight...
We, the Tediz have him and we're not in the position to let him go -
Unless, of course, have the customary ransom payment of $1,000,000.
Even then, you'll have to find us...
Though the note was clearly forged by Conker to cover up his own disappearance, that didn't quite penetrate a ditz like Berri.
"Omigawd!... This is terrible! There's no telling what the Tediz could do to him..."
The note continued on.
P.S. If, by any chance, Berri's reading this, don't worry, I forged it and I'm still alive.
Luv ya, Conker
"Urrghhh.. The Tediz forged a PS saying he's alright! I have to do something!"
*Keyvan appears in the throne room*
Keyvan : Conker's still alive! Do you want to go to him?
"No, I have to do something about the Tediz! They have Conker!"
Keyvan : (Rolls his eyes and shrugs) Have it your way...
*Keyvan disappears into thin air*
********
Pringle had dawdled off to sleep several hours ago. However, the laboratory continued with a life of its own. J2 hummed to life slowly and hovered into the center of the room.
"Now... to sc *zzt* rew things up to *zorch* tally..."
********
Rodent paced around nervously. Where was Conker? Why was he doing this? He could get nerve gassed and we'll probably never know.. someone has to do something...
Rodent growled to himself and walked toward the vault door. He opened it and stared head-on into a temporal vortex. Rodent quickly slammed the door and braced it with his back.
"What is going ON here...?"
********
The waves rolled in and subsided again. Off in the distance, a small group of disfigured objects was mobile and was headed down the bluffs toward the beach.
The Tediz commander marched on forward in an exaggerated goose step, wielding a small twig as his stave.
"Lef.. lef... lef rike lef rike lef rike lef..." The group boomed out in a muffled mess.
The leader was ready to belt out the cadence again when a massive flash erupted from the ground ahead of them and consumed the entire platoon. When the light had settled, the entire brigade had disappeared.
*******
Conker glanced around the new bunk. It was similar in appearance to the previous 500 barracks buildings he had walked by this afternoon, but there was a definite polish to it. A sign on the door said BRIGADE 201 - ENTER IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
"This must be the place..." Conker said. Struggling to carry the duffel bag with his belongings from the palace, he kicked open the double doors and drug his cargo into the hall. In the corridor there was two doors on each side. He entered the left one closest to him and dropped his bag down on a bed.
Conker looked around at the room. The room was certainly different than the bare-bones barracks he had seen before. The room had almost a hotelly feel to it. A radio sat on the desk, next to a mug with 3 pencils in it. A television sat on a pedestal in the corner. And the bed wasn't covered with the normal itch-inducing asbestos fireblankets, but rather with a quilt with the Windy military emblem sewed on it.
Conker rubbed his hands and flopped down on the bed. "Hmm.. homely."
Conker was about to drift off to sleep when a small cadet ran in. "C-Conker! We need you, quick! Brigade No. 23 is facing resistance in the palace! It's Tediz!"
Conker fell off the bed and pushed himself up. "Tediz? How did they get all the way to the palace?"
"Beats me, Corporal. But whatever they want, we need to get there fast!"
Conker sprung forward and darted ahead of the cadet. He froze and cringed. Rodent! The rest of them! They were defenseless while they were in the vault!
He turned to face the cadet. "Can you direct me to the armory? This may be worse than we think."
"Can do, Corporal. And.. you might want to change into something a bit more comfortable before you go out there."
"Aw, damn it, do I have to wear the uniform?" Conker whined.
"Well, technically, only Privates and In-Trainings have to wear the offical combat attire, but it's the best protected against.."
Conker had already disappeared outside and was on his way to the armory. It was going to be a hard road back to Rodent. He was already wishing he hadn't taken it the other way.
Conker began to slow down and he keeled over, trying to catch his breath. "Why is this place so damn big? I know I own the world and all.. but... ah... forget it... gotta keep going..."
Conker broke into a jog and cleared the next corner. He jumped back around the edge and hugged the wall. 8 soldiers watched the service exit near Conker.
"Hey... wait... if cartoon disguises work like they do...I can just walk by with one piece of soldier apparel and get by effortlessly. Here goes..."
Conker put on his helmet and walked right by the troopers, gathered around a radio sitting on the floor. As Conker reached for the aluminum bar on the door, a hand landed on his shoulder.
"Private! ID please."
Though Conker didn't realize it, he had already started to reach into his sweater collar and he took out a pair of dog tags. "Er... um... 0099 8835 8744."
The sergeant looked over his shoulder. "Timmins! Do we have a 0099 8835 8744 in 23rd brigade?"
Conker winced. He was in for it. Out of a corner of his mind he remembered he was out of 42nd brigade, one of the 8 that ran the siege operation on the Tediz' island fortress during its attack. Conker had barely made it out alive.
A soldier grey squirrel tapped the number into a palmtop. After a few clicks, a sign came up on the screen.
He looked up. "Sir! The master computer says he's out of 42nd brigade."
"Private, was 42nd brigade sent here for reinforcements?"
Conker tried hard to perform a proper salute, but it fell apart. "Eh.. uh.. Yessir! The remainder of my brigade should be here shortly!"
The sergeant turned around. "The problem's worse than we think if the 42nd brigade's been sent. Timmins, organize another patrol run on the west wing of the palace. This time, check the vents."
"Yessir!" The soldier barked. He jumped up and bounded down the hall.
"As for you, Private.... Private? Where the hell? PRIVATE! Where are you?!"
********
The J2's cart slid slowly out of the modified catscanner. Pringle glanced up at the linked monitor and rubbed his chin. "Hmm.. Eentresting... there's some veeery intricate machinery at vork here...still, how is it supposed it traverse dimensions is beyond me."
The J2 rolled off the cart and hovered in place.
"Vell then, we'll just have to put you away for another day, an.."
As Pringle placed his hand on the J2, it began to emit a gentle green aura. The J2 tore through space-time fabric and began its journey. As fast as it had left, Pringle's chair wobbled above its laboratory floor once more. But... something was different.
"Vha! Vhere did I get such atrocious attire?!" Pringle dropped a suitcase out of his hand that he had not known was even there!
Pringle shook his head and smacked it a couple of times, then grabbed his lab coat off of the handle of his hoverchair and cloaked himself with it to cover his newly-acquired hawaiian t-shirt and red shorts. Then memories started hitting him. Hard.
"Ooh, man... that hut on the beach.. I got some reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally good drinks there.. I should take a vacation some time and... vhat is vrong with me?!" He glanced over to the J2. It was sitting on the cart.
The J2 activiated itself and a voice hummed through it:
"He *crackle* llo out there! Yo *zzzzt* u don't thin *eeeeeeeeeeeeee* k you got away with it *oooooooo* do you?"
Pringle quickly shut off the J2 again. The voice was different this time. It was considerably deeper than the one he had heard before, and several similarly pitched voices reverberated in the background.
"Oi.. methinks I need a rest..." Pringle sighed. He hovered slowly out of the mess of the laboratory and went to get a good book.
The J2 had a vengenace.. and it wasn't going to let it go unheard.
Keyvan : What is happening with the J2? And how about that voice...? Will Conker ever have to deal with the J2? Speaking of which, how's he doing?
Conker trudged up to the barbwired fence in Windy. He had never hoped to return this place as long as he had lived, but, duty endured. Frowning, he hopped over the fence and the door in front of him slid open. As he walked down the dimly lighted tunnel he could practically hear the cries of the wounded soldiers on the beach around him that fateful day. Conker shook the disturbing thoughts from his head - he knew he had to keep going. The military would be his next big fix... since Conker had been appointed monarch, the only people to know of his rule over the country were his 'subjects' and the king's private guard - brigades 1 through 35. The standard forces, brigades 35-200, would be the perfect place to hide out until the storm rose over. If he could tough it out long enough, he would be presumed dead, at which point he could resign and return home. Conker smiled to himself - yeah, that would work. I could go home, kick up on a recliner, and watch some good 'ol porn with a cold one in my hand. I'm sure Berri wouldn't mind..... Berri.... no, can't think about Berri, you did what you could, and that's that. There's happiness in other places... you just gotta look hard enough and work with it.
Conker's tail drooped. He sighed. Gotta live with it.
Conker plodded out the other end of the tunnel into the embattlement. Metal chairs were arranged at the foot of a small stage ahead of him. As he walked on, he noticed several passing soldiers were giving him suspicious looks.
"I sure as hell hope THESE guys don't know.."
A heavy hand hit Conker's shoulder, nearly knocking him down. Conker whipped around and looked up.
"Hey.. man? Is that you? Conker! It is!"
Conker remembered. It was the sergeant that had went along in his transport during the Tediz siege. While he had never actually bothered talking to any of the troops in his brigade then, he was apparently some kind of role model. Conker glanced at the nametag on his chest.
Keyvan : You know, that big bulky sergeant that shows up in the multiplayer games too and says 'aw, fuck that shit' a bunch of times.
*Keyvan drums his fingers on the desk. He plucks the first word that he thinks.*
"...Batman? Sergeant Batman?"
*Keyvan shakes his head. Nah, that's a bit TOO harsh.*
"...Memorex? Sergeant Memorex?"
*No way, that sounds like a mascot. Not one CD-R Keyvan's used of theirs has worked.*
"...Keyvan? Sergeant Keyvan?"
*There's a name here somewhere. Keyvan just has to find it.*
"...Epson? Sergeant Epson?"
*Okay, there. That works.... somewhat.*
"That's me. It's great to have a soldier like you back."
Conker looked over his shoulder at the stage behind him. "What's the deal with the getup?"
"Why, we're giving out the awards of valor during the Tediz Sige Operation of... um... Siege Tediz of Operation... Operation Tediz of the Siege of Tediz Operation... aw, fuck that shit! All you need to know is that promotions are on the way for the bunch of ya."
Unbeknowest to either Conker or Epson, the awards show had already gotten underway in their 2 minute talk. "Conker! Get up here!" The announcer yelled.
Conker, somewhat surprised, hopped up on the stage.
"THIS squirrel is the one that, alongside the test subject Rodent, managed to slip in throughout the confusion generated by the siege of Fort Tediz and singlehandedly brought down the entire Tediz war machine as well as defeated a secret weapon devised by the Tediz, and made it out of the compound with as little as a scratch on him! Conker, on behalf of the Windy Armed Forces, would like to present you a Medal of Valor alongside your promotion to Corporal..."
Conker took the platinum-sheeted medal as well as a pair of fabric chevrons. The audience cheered.
Conker grinned. Maybe this entire military thing isn't going to be so bad after all.
"...as well as a spot on our elite commando brigade!"
Conker shifted an eyebrow. "...elite commando brigade?"
"Brigade No. 201," the announcer said. "Charged with the most dangerous covert operations in the Windy military."
Conker sighed. In for a penny, in for a pound. While the Tediz were dissiapated by the destruction of Fort Tediz, the assault had worked to fragment them. On the news, the Windy military had let loose information that small armies of the Tediz still patrolled the outer steppes of the kingdom, and several skirmishes had taken place. Conker's mission was far from over.
Conker just smiled and waved out to the crowd. He wondered how Berri would take it if she ever could hear how well he was doing.
********
"Cooooonker!! You ass, like, come out already!"
Berri, still in her Vertex outfit, strutted into the now vacant throne room. The room was devoid of its normal happy, standing populace. The B-button carpet was still there, as was the tank of nerve gas and a letter sitting on the armrest of the throne.
Berri quickly tore open the letter and yanked out a tattered piece of paper.
You never should have made the mistake of letting your highness out of your sight...
We, the Tediz have him and we're not in the position to let him go -
Unless, of course, have the customary ransom payment of $1,000,000.
Even then, you'll have to find us...
Though the note was clearly forged by Conker to cover up his own disappearance, that didn't quite penetrate a ditz like Berri.
"Omigawd!... This is terrible! There's no telling what the Tediz could do to him..."
The note continued on.
P.S. If, by any chance, Berri's reading this, don't worry, I forged it and I'm still alive.
Luv ya, Conker
"Urrghhh.. The Tediz forged a PS saying he's alright! I have to do something!"
*Keyvan appears in the throne room*
Keyvan : Conker's still alive! Do you want to go to him?
"No, I have to do something about the Tediz! They have Conker!"
Keyvan : (Rolls his eyes and shrugs) Have it your way...
*Keyvan disappears into thin air*
********
Pringle had dawdled off to sleep several hours ago. However, the laboratory continued with a life of its own. J2 hummed to life slowly and hovered into the center of the room.
"Now... to sc *zzt* rew things up to *zorch* tally..."
********
Rodent paced around nervously. Where was Conker? Why was he doing this? He could get nerve gassed and we'll probably never know.. someone has to do something...
Rodent growled to himself and walked toward the vault door. He opened it and stared head-on into a temporal vortex. Rodent quickly slammed the door and braced it with his back.
"What is going ON here...?"
********
The waves rolled in and subsided again. Off in the distance, a small group of disfigured objects was mobile and was headed down the bluffs toward the beach.
The Tediz commander marched on forward in an exaggerated goose step, wielding a small twig as his stave.
"Lef.. lef... lef rike lef rike lef rike lef..." The group boomed out in a muffled mess.
The leader was ready to belt out the cadence again when a massive flash erupted from the ground ahead of them and consumed the entire platoon. When the light had settled, the entire brigade had disappeared.
*******
Conker glanced around the new bunk. It was similar in appearance to the previous 500 barracks buildings he had walked by this afternoon, but there was a definite polish to it. A sign on the door said BRIGADE 201 - ENTER IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
"This must be the place..." Conker said. Struggling to carry the duffel bag with his belongings from the palace, he kicked open the double doors and drug his cargo into the hall. In the corridor there was two doors on each side. He entered the left one closest to him and dropped his bag down on a bed.
Conker looked around at the room. The room was certainly different than the bare-bones barracks he had seen before. The room had almost a hotelly feel to it. A radio sat on the desk, next to a mug with 3 pencils in it. A television sat on a pedestal in the corner. And the bed wasn't covered with the normal itch-inducing asbestos fireblankets, but rather with a quilt with the Windy military emblem sewed on it.
Conker rubbed his hands and flopped down on the bed. "Hmm.. homely."
Conker was about to drift off to sleep when a small cadet ran in. "C-Conker! We need you, quick! Brigade No. 23 is facing resistance in the palace! It's Tediz!"
Conker fell off the bed and pushed himself up. "Tediz? How did they get all the way to the palace?"
"Beats me, Corporal. But whatever they want, we need to get there fast!"
Conker sprung forward and darted ahead of the cadet. He froze and cringed. Rodent! The rest of them! They were defenseless while they were in the vault!
He turned to face the cadet. "Can you direct me to the armory? This may be worse than we think."
"Can do, Corporal. And.. you might want to change into something a bit more comfortable before you go out there."
"Aw, damn it, do I have to wear the uniform?" Conker whined.
"Well, technically, only Privates and In-Trainings have to wear the offical combat attire, but it's the best protected against.."
Conker had already disappeared outside and was on his way to the armory. It was going to be a hard road back to Rodent. He was already wishing he hadn't taken it the other way.