Fan Fiction ❯ dreams of old ❯ One-Shot

This is a sequel, of sorts, to For the Life of One. Basically, Fires of Hell reviewed on ff,n (or, rather, fp.n) and suggested i see what happens if Kazuo is reborn. So i did.

Takes place, as always, in Xeen, my little planet. Rest of the stories are here: http://www.angelfire.com/empire/xeen

audi
thegoddess@goddess.c om

Dreams of Old

History is so much more than what's written down in books. Everything is lost when it's recorded on paper, and those that do the said recording leave out what's truly important; the feelings and motivations of the people involved. I don't mean the kings or priests that start movements or wars, not the famous people, but those that are not. History tends to be a record of the famous things that famous people did. Without the common people nothing could have happened. Histories tend to leave out the fear of people as they follow their leaders' orders or the joy as they live through a plague. These people become statistics in a chart, if they're lucky, there to amplify another's success. Most of them don't mind, though. Most of them aren't around when the histories are written, and most of them weren't looking for recognition anyway. It adds to the overall impact of things to realize that some people that partook in the events written on paper were just like you, they lived similar lives with similar problems. Sometimes that realization becomes too much to bear.

My name is Meikou Hiroshi, only son of Meikou Kenji, the local blacksmith. In a small town, such as ours, one is expected to play their role and live like their father before them and his before him. The only problem is, I never wanted to be a blacksmith. The smithy is hot and the work is hard. Besides, I'm not exactly built to be welding iron, it's kind of scary, but I think that my sisters inherited my father's build more than me. My sisters say that I look more like Mother than Father, but don't resemble either. Mother died soon after I was born.

One day, I used to tell myself, I'm going to leave this town and see the world. One day… One day…

I started to dream about that 'one day' when I was about six years old, like all the other boys in the town, I wanted adventures, though I'm sure I wanted them for different reasons than the others - but they didn't know that, nor, I suspect, did they care. Theoretically, I was supposed to be choosing someone in the village that I wanted to be apprenticed to - Father still hoped at that point that I'd want to inherit the smithy - and by the age of ten I was supposed to begin watching the girls. Granted, this was the age most boys were still awkward around girls and thought them to be possessed by some demon, or be a part of another species altogether, but I never felt that. Well, I was never awkward around girls, seeing as I have four older sisters, but I never idolized them either.

Throughout my entire childhood, I knew there was something missing from my life. My life was incomplete, and something was just wrong. I played with the other children, as I've said, and I did my chores and helped out when I could, like any good little boy, but I was unhappy. My sisters treated me kindly, but I know that they always thought I was in the way, and my father grew to hate me.

My fifteenth birth-day came, and that was the date by which was one supposed to be recognized as no longer being a child. That was the age that I was either supposed to have an apprenticeship or a partial partnership, or something by which I could make money or learn to do so. To put it simply, I didn't have anything of the kind. Insofar as I was concerned, it was all unimportant to me, because I knew that I wasn't going to be there forever and I could already read and write and do my sums better than anyone else in the town, and that was all that mattered. And I told Father that.

If there's one lesson I learned in that town, it was one shouldn't challenge a man that's twice their size in any given direction. He pounded me into the wall. It didn't take him any effort at all, and I couldn't stand after my meeting with the brick. He asked me what was wrong with the smithy, he asked me what he did to deserve such a weakling son, and he told me that he wished he didn't have a son. If I hadn't been born, he told me, then his wife, my mother, would still be around. He left the room and made his way to the smithy, soon afterward the distinct pounding sound of iron on iron rang throughout the house. Three of my sisters walked out of the room as well, all with scowls on their matching faces. The third, Sakura, stayed behind and helped me up.

"He's not going to forgive you, and he has no reason to," she informed me as she bandaged me up. She was my eldest sister, aged twenty-three. Sakura was going to marry the innkeeper's son in five weeks, and the whole village was getting excited over the match.

"I don't care. I don't want the smithy, Sakura, you know that. I'm no blacksmith."

She laughed, "I don't think any kind of labour would suit you, Hiro, but that's besides the point. You're going to get yourself killed. He doesn't know his own strength."

"He knows his strength, all right, if you four hadn't been there, I bet he wouldn't have stopped. It probably would have been for the better, too."

My father had always gone on about how it was my fault Mother died, though in truth it had been from a heat-fever, and that I was an awful, sinful child. I just ignored him, it was the only way for me to survive. My fifteenth birth-day was the first time he'd really gotten physical. It scared my sisters, but I knew it was inevitable. My sisters got together and decided that it was unsafe for me to live at home. Megumi was set to get married as well, to a sheepherder, while Junko and Sawako continued to live at home. Junko eventually took over the smithy with her husband who Father eventually had as an apprentice. They decided that it'd be best if I was to live with Megumi, that I'd be happiest living on a farm. In reality, I didn't care. I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to be living in the town forever. I knew I'd miss my sisters, but the town just wasn't for me. There was something else out there.

So I moved in with Megumi and her husband and helped where I could. I know I wasn't that helpful and that I was just taking up space, and, again, I vowed I'd be out of there soon. The next few years passed by and I paid them little attention. I rarely ventured into the town itself, preferring to stay on the little farm a league out of the town, a league away from my father who could and would hurt me. I helped out around the farm and prayed to the Gods that no one asked me why I wasn't settled down yet. I still wanted to leave the town.

Just after my eighteenth birth-day came the Autumn Fest that the towns in our area celebrated. This year we were hosting, and everyone was excited. Everyone but me. Megumi and Aki, her husband, were especially excited because they became betrothed last time the Autumn Fest was in our town.

"Since you're so anxious to get out of town, maybe you'll meet some nice girl from out of town and you can leave with her," Megumi told me. "It's such a shame that we live so far from town, it would do you good to find a nice lass," Aki assured.

I, of course, was sceptical.

A few nights before I'd started having these bizarre dreams. In the past, I'd never remembered my dreams. Truthfully, I never wanted to. These dreams were different, somehow. I can't say how for the life of me, but I knew them not to be normal dreams. At that point in time, I didn't quite remember them. I knew I had them, and I had a sketchy impression of what happened, beyond that; nothing. In the morning when I woke, I knew what happened as if it had happened to me just before, but all was forgotten after breakfast. There was, insofar as I could tell, one thing that remained constant through all of them. There was always a tall, mysterious man dressed in black. I had never seen anyone like him before, nor had I read of someone like that. It didn't take me long to become obsessed with him, a creature of my dreams.

I wasn't too thrilled about going to the Autumn Fest, I knew Father would be there. Besides, I didn't like to be around a lot of people, and the Fest attracted a lot of people. I allowed myself to be taken though, and we walked down, Aki leading his mare and cart with goodies for the Fest. I think he and Megumi were singing. I remember it being a nice, sunny day, the autumn sun sat high in the sky, and the coloured leaves decorating the trees. It hadn't started to get cold yet, but I wore my cloak to keep out the cool breeze.

At the town, I separated from Megumi and Aki, and found a place to sit alone. Dancing and festivities would begin soon, and I wanted to be away from all of that. I don't know, there was something about it all that bothered me.

"Hiro! It's been forever how are you?" I knew that my privacy was gone when the innkeeper's daughter found me. Yui was one of the few friends I retained, she was someone that I could talk to, and she had that comforting personality that makes talking about anything extremely easy.

I shrugged. As much as I normally didn't mind talking to her, I really was enjoying the peace and quiet.

"You need to come and visit more often, it's lonely without you!"

"Maybe, Yui. I'm eighteen, and I'm thinking it's time that I got out of here. I need to get out of here."

She looked at me a bit strangely, like I was possessed or something, "you've always said that, Hiro, but it won't be easy, like you seem to think it will. It'd be best for you to marry and start a family."

"I don't want to marry and I don't want a family. Look, I'm not normal and I don't belong here. I haven't discovered where I belong, but it's not here. Do I look like someone that's going to spend their life in the smithy or in the fields?"

She told me that I didn't. Girls have a tendency to pick a guy and stay with that choice, they build up fantasies as they try to win his favour. It was always the girls', not the boys', choice to get married, most boys just didn't know that. So, yeah, I knew she liked me, but I just couldn't imagine myself with her. The truth hurt her, but it would be better than hurting her worse later. And somehow, I think she knew that.

Eventually I got up and left, I couldn't take it any more. The cheering and dancing and all the people were just too overwhelming. As I made my way, several girls (and several boys, too - though they probably thought I was a girl in boys' clothing. I'm not exactly the most masculine man… Besides, generally the townsfolk disapprove of same-gender relationships) asked me to dance. I refused and continued my way through the crowd. After I passed out of the main town, I quickened my pace, I wanted to be home, to curl up in my room. I wanted to close my eyes and picture that mysterious man. He was haunting my dreams and I was quickly becoming obsessed - not like i had a problem with it. I think he was the reason I finally decided to leave, once and for all. I wanted to find him because I knew that he was real. I also knew that I couldn't tell anyone I was leaving, because they wouldn't like my answer. Everyone would hate it, and I'd be worse off than before. No, I would leave a note and nothing else.

Megumi and Aki were staying in town with Father, so they wouldn't be back until the next day. I took what little possessions I had; a few keepsakes, a small collection of books and a few changes of clothes. Since I was little, I'd worked on saving what I could, and the amount of money I possessed amazed me as I shoved it into a belt pouch. I also took some food. I didn't want to take too much, especially since the winter colds were coming fast and Megumi and Aki would need as much as they could get, what with my sister's pregnancy and all. I grabbed part of what I knew would be my share. I contemplated leaving my stallion, Bryn, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to travel far without him, and that he won't let anyone but me ride him. So, with my horse and belongings, I turned my back on the little town forever. There was a short good-bye note that I left on the table, but other than that, I erased myself from the town forever. I never returned, I know that everyone's passed on by now, even so, it would be a collection of memories that I've tried so hard to forget. I wouldn't be welcomed in the town, either. As my sisters and Yui kept telling me, I wasn't made to be a townsman or a labourer, I'm different and different people don't belong in small townships.

I knew the basics of survival, it was something I was taught when I was young. I knew how to live off the land and find my way without a map, well, in the general area. I could look for help and directions later, I told myself, and I didn't want to visit any of the towns that were mirrors of my own - they are, I've been to so many, and all little towns are really the same. I don't belong in any of them. I kept telling myself that I was made for the big cities. I was going to go to the big cities and live happily forever after,

Yeah, I was a dreamer. Still, I was eighteen. While that really doesn't explain too much, it does give me a few motives. Actual motives, mind, no one's ever thought that my reasons for leaving home were brilliant. I'm glad I did, no matter how hard it turned out to be. Yes, I don't think that my journey was anything but difficult.

The Autumn Fest takes place in the middle of Autumn, or something like that. Like I mentioned before, it was just before it got cold and miserable. I made it to the river that separated my area of townships from the next, which was connected to the city by a long, dusty road, in about a week. There was a small town perched by the river, and the town boasted a ferry to take one - and one's horse - across, for a small fee, of course. So, I paid my coin and Bryn and myself were carried across, going further and further from the lives that we had both known.

If I wanted to, I could go through exactly what happened, but I find it to be long and repetitive. The next month-or-so consisted of travelling for a few hours in the cold, eating a bit and finding shelter wherever I could. It wasn't easy, but never expected it to be. It was less than a week from the city of Guuryu, and I knew that once there I could find random jobs to do in exchange for a room and board. It was meagre, but I needed everything I could get to survive the winter. And the winter was just getting colder and colder and my supplies were running out steadily. The food I brought was food that'd been dried or turned into jelly to survive the winter. None of it tasted that great, but it was nourishment all the same. I was seriously beginning to doubt that my rations (and Bryn's, I brought food for him, and bought more at a time, too) would last the week. However, there weren't any signs of life nearby, so I pushed on, following the half-hidden pathway through the icy snow.

Fate tends to be more than a little random at times. There may or may not be a reason things do or don't happen. It was maybe an hour before the time I usually settled down for the night when a snow storm arose. There was a strong wind that was blowing me in various directions and the snow was swirling around me, obstructing my view and Bryn's. I dismounted and led the stallion by the reigns, looking desperately though the white shield to find a shelter from the storm. Relatively close by, I spotted a small house with a long stream of smoke from the chimney. I made my way, trudging through the snow towards the sanctuary. I had no guarantee that I'd be welcomed, but who would through someone out into the cold? I knew, somewhere in my heart, that people were better than that. I don't know how long it took me to get to the small cabin-and-stable establishment, but when I did, I realised that it was old and probably not housing anyone. Still, someone was there, there was smoke from the chimney. I led Bryn to the stables were there was a bay stallion tethered in one of the three stalls. After tethering him and draping a couple blankets over him, I grabbed my saddlebags and headed to try and get into the cabin.

I had to bang pretty hard on the door to be heard through the roaring wind, but eventually someone came to the door, to my rescue. He was a man, maybe four years older than me. His skin was nearly as pale as mine but his hair was light where mine was dark. A further glance proved him to be tall and well dressed (and quite good looking), but that was all I could observe before he ushered me inside the room.

"Oh my! Come in, please! Sit here, by the fire and let me get you some tea! You must be frozen to death! Lucky you found this old shack, huh?" He set about to making me warm and cosy and getting me a change of clothing - I had my own in my saddlebags, but he said his were warm and I didn't argue with the logic. "Now," he began after we were both seated by the fire with tea and wrapped in blankets, "what were you doing out there in the middle of a storm?"

"I'm going to the city," I told him, searching his face for a reaction.

"Isn't everyone?" He elaborated, "everyone thinks everything's to be found in the big cities, though I thought I was the only one insane enough to travel there during the winter. Bloody cold winter, too."

I shrugged, "I needed to leave, it was like I was being urged to leave, so I did."

"Village boy?" he asked, I nodded, "have you decided where you're headed yet?" I told him that I hadn't really decided but that I was going to stay in Guuryu until it warmed up. "Well, since that's my next stop, how about coming along with me? I could use the companionship and I'm sure you need direction and guidance." I looked at him questioningly. "Not sure where you come from, but whatever you expect of people, it's wrong. I am the Gods' Priest Toshi, Son of Chih-Lung." So he was a priest, follower of Chih-Lung, the Dragon God of Wisdom. For some reason, that explained everything and yet nothing to me. I knew why he was so kind, but not why he was out in the blizzard.

"Um… Hiroshi…" I stammered.

"Just 'Hiroshi'? Surely you've a surname or something of the like?"

"Not any more, Toshi-saishi, I gave it up when I left my town." It was true, I wanted nothing more to do with my father. As for his title, I'd never met a priest before, but I knew to be respectful of them, so I gave him the 'saishi' title meaning 'priest'. He promptly told me that if I called him that again he'd never forgive me. So I didn't.

"Well then, Hiro - I can call you that, right?" I nodded, "I say we both get some sleep and see how the weather is tomorrow." So we slept, curled together and by the fire, trying to be as warm as we cold in the current condition.

My dreams had been getting stronger over the past months whilst I was travelling. By that time I could remember my dreams as one remembers a distant event; very vaguely. They weren't reoccurring dreams, not really. Some things remained constant, but they seemed to be almost a chronicle of events, in that they gave tiny pieces of a bigger whole. Like chapters in a novel. There were only a few constants, I was always there, in some stage of development. Some of them took place when I was younger and some when I was older. He was always there. Sometimes I knew that he shouldn't have been, that it was strange for him to be there, but he was always there, never changing and always watching. At that point I just took the dream man for granted. Heh, even now it seems odd to speak of him that way. To me, he was real. There was never any doubt in my mind that he was, and no one could try and convince me otherwise. Maybe I should mention this here, I guess it seems about the time to make note that another reason, lesser but still important, that I left the town was the fact that I knew that I'd never find a girl I'd like to marry and create a family with - take from that statement what you will and I'll continue. That night the dream included a girl, of the same complexion as myself, who was travelling with us on house back. We were chatting and then we set camp. The conversation turned serious, but I couldn't understand it. It was all in the Old Tongue, a language long forgotten. He was holding me, I remember that much. I'm not sure why I remember that I had that dream on the night of the blizzard, but, as I said, fate works in the weirdest ways, and it doesn't always have rhyme or reason to it.

I woke from my dream and found that I was warm and comfortable, quite a change from my recent routine. I didn't have the imaginary comfort of the dream man, but I was cuddled up with Toshi. Not the same comfort, but one takes what one can get sometimes.

"'Morning, I was wondering when you'd wake up," Toshi's cheery voice greeted me. He has such a pleasant voice, one that I could easily recognize as his alone. "The fire died a while ago, but it's so much warmer in the blankets and I didn't want to step out in the cold quite yet to remake it. However, now that you've waken, what do you say to getting something warm to eat?"

Toshi and I ate and then looked at the condition of the little cabin. We were snowed in, the snow had stopped just before the top of the windows. We opted to stay another day or so in the cabin to see if any of it melted, as it was too much work to get us out and we had plenty of food, wood and water.

"This cabin has been empty forever," Toshi explained to me some time that day, "I usually stop here for a day or so during my travels - of which I do a lot. Normally I don't travel during the winter, in fact I have a strict policy against it. However, I was battered into it. I'm working on a project, you see, we're writing a complete history of Xeen, from her creation to now, and, well, I was gathering some information."

"A complete history? That would be… Is it even possible?"

"Sure. Actually, one man that's working the project (and has quite an extensive knowledge) brought some notes from some priests in the past that were probably trying to do the same thing. It needs to be written, events before the Second Rebirth are being forgotten, and almost nobody knows about what happened before the First Rebirth."

I was in awe. Let's backtrack for a moment. I was the most learned one in my town, which may or may not be saying much, I could read and I could write. I had a small collection of books, as books were expensive, and among them could be found four different histories, six novels of different genre and two books that were more like collections of essays than anything else. I had a strange infatuation with the histories, and I don't know quite where it began. The innkeeper's wife, who taught the children to read and write if they were willing, possessed a shelf of books, and on them were many more histories. I read every single one of her books at least once. Through reading the histories, I thought of the people of the time, and imagined what their lives must have been like. It intrigued me to think that they may have been just like me, struggling with my identity and not really belonging. Many of the books were about (or contained large parts reserved for) the Chosen and the Blessed, or other Godly people. I could go on about how I idolized them, but their stories and mine don't coincide, so I'll retain myself.

Two days passed and the snow melted, somewhat. We crawled out of the cabin and helped our stallions, who actually did pretty well for themselves in the enclosed stable. After a taking them, we were on our way, blindly as the road was covered up by a pile of snow at least a half-pace high. We made good time, considering, and stopped that particular night in a small, enclosed forest area that was less effected by the weather than most places in the vicinity. Thus we travelled the one-week distance in about a week and a half.

I'd never seen anything like Guuryu before. It was an enclosed city, with a high, white wall surrounding it, in two places there were elaborate gates that were there, Toshi explained, to allow the road to pass through. We entered and I saw a group of people at least ten times the size of the one at the Autumn Fest. They were bustling past, each minding their own business and doing their own thing. Toshi took a hold of my reigns, so that Bryn wouldn't wander away. He was a priest, so I assumed we were heading a shrine. I hadn't asked him before, but I was pretty sure that his final destination was not Guuryu.

I was lead to a gorgeous building, or cluster of buildings. Toshi quickly explained that it was a shrine of all the Gods and Their Servants and that attached was housing for priests with room for travelling priests. We would stay there. It was well enough for me, I suppose, and I was glad he was looking out for me. If it's unclear, I really hadn't planned my actions, and had no clue where I was going, how I was going to get there or what I was going to do once I got there. Toshi knew that, I think.

We were shown to a room, I wasn't a priest myself and therefore could not be given a room of my own, where we both collapsed. "I thought we'd never get here!" Toshi exclaimed. "I really was beginning to worry. Ah, no matter. We're here now, what do you think of your first look on a city?"

"It's big." He laughed. "Well it is," I protested.

"Indeed it is. There are bigger, of course, and grander ones, too. Guuryu has its quirks, though. Now that you've made it to the city, have you any plans?" He grinned, "I guess that expression means 'no'? No matter. I'll stay here for a few days, we can get you situated - that is, unless you'd like to continue with me? As I've said, I enjoy the company - yours is most pleasant, I think - and if you wish we could probably put you to use at my home shrine, if you've nothing better to do. I think you'd enjoy meeting the boys, we are, as I've said before, quite an unusual assortment of men."

"I think… I think I'd like that. Thank you, Toshi."

I was glad that he was accepted me and glad to follow along. He was right, I was better off with him than without. He hadn't told me where the shrine was, but he was a Gods' priest, so I trusted him. Yes, I understand that my logic was a bit twisted, but at the time, I didn't give it a second thought. I was a village boy, as Toshi had said, and one thing that was commonly thought was that all priests were messengers from the Gods, they do Their Deeds and should be respected.

We stocked up on supplies, enough for a long journey. I later learned that Toshi just liked to be careful, he always planned for the unexpected. The other priests seemed happy to get rid of us, of Toshi especially it seemed, I couldn't figure out why. Toshi had become somewhat withdrawn since we got to that shrine, though. I hoped it would pass and I decided to ask him when we left the city.

We were ready and Toshi was growing tired of Guuryu, so we left.

We went though the second gilded gate and continued down the road, as soon as we were out of sight of the city, Toshi eased up a bit, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder. "Sorry about that, Hiro. Some of those priests dislike me, for one reason or another."

" 'Dislike'? I'd call it full-blown hatred, myself."

"We just don't get along. Not everyone is like me, especially not in the priesthood. I hate to say it, but many men - and women - join not because the love the Gods and want to do good, but because one can obtain certain benefits by being a priest. And that's just one disagreement that we have, there are more" He didn't offer any more, though, and I didn't ask.

Our journey was about three weeks long and filled with the joyous travelling routine. After two days on the road we left it and began to cut through a forest, and then a long field, and then some hilly ground and, well, it just dragged on and never seemed to stop. All that's unimportant, in the scheme of things. On this journey two things happened, one because of the other.

Basically, I was dreaming again. Of late, some of the dreams did repeat themselves, but they were still the vague memories. Well, most of them. This one was not. We were in a cave, and glad we were as there was a fierce wind that night, cuddled up by the fire, in our blankets. I'm not sure which kept me warm, the fire, the blankets or Toshi, but I was warm and that's what mattered. Normally my dreams were comforting to me, it was there I could see the man in black, but that night they were not. I remember that one so vividly. It was just him and me, seated together by a dim campfire, there just to cook. It was a sunny day and he was holding me. There were gentle kisses and gentle touches and then a flash, kind of like a flying insect. It hit me, right on my neck and it hurt. Dreams aren't supposed to hurt, but it did. My Gods, it hurt so much. He was looming over me, calling out to me (this I learned later, I was unable to understand the language) and I screamed.

I opened my eyes and found myself to be in Toshi's arm, in the cave by the fire. He was concerned and wanted to know what was happening, so I told him. I told him everything about the dream and he listened quietly to what I had to say.

"There's about eight days until we reach our destination, when we get there, there's someone I think you should meet. If nothing else, he can help you understand your dreams, if they are, indeed, dreams." He sounded a bit upset when he said it. It wasn't as if he was disappointed in me or upset or anything like that, but he was holding something back. He didn't say anymore on the subject then, he just hugged me and kissed my forehead before laying back down on his side. I followed suit and soon he was asleep. As for me, I wondered throughout the night was it was that was bothering him. Maybe he knew something about my dreams. Maybe he knew something about my cloaked man.

The next four days passed slower than the rest, mainly because Toshi was quieter than he had been. I learned early on that Toshi liked to talk and talk and talk so I was quite worried when he silenced himself. He looked at me differently, too. I can't class his looks, but they weren't like the cheerful Toshi that I had befriended. So, four days from our destination, I asked him what was wrong. I wanted to know how my dreams had effected him so.

"It's not your fault nor that of your dreams, Hiro," he told me.

"Then what is it? You started to act like this after I told you about my dreams! I want to know what's bothering you, please tell me Toshi."

"It's nothing, I promise." He sighed. "Okay, well it is something, but it doesn't really concern you. Okay, it does concern you, or, at least, it might. I don't know. Hiro, it's so confusing. I thought I had it all sorted and you just made me realize that I didn't." I was curious and bid him to continue. "It's…" he shook his head, "… it may be important, but you wouldn't understand how, not yet. And… and I shouldn't be the one to tell you, either. Let's leave it there, I'll try to stop pondering on it."

"Now you've got me curious, Toshi. Please tell me?"

"No, if there's anything to be told, it will be told once we get there, and if anyone is to tell it, it's not me."

After saying his bit, Toshi did lighten up and return, at least partially, to his former self. I tried not to think on what he had said, I would have known if I was meant to, and allowed myself to chat idly with him. I learned more of his personal life, or rather his life and why he wanted to write the history. I learned that the novel had a strange importance to him. He was from a small town, like myself, and priests used to visit that small town, as it was nearby a shrine, and Toshi idolized them. Before the age of ten, the time students were usually taken, Toshi left with the priests to learn of the Gods. He wanted at that young age to dedicate his life to the Gods. When he was initiated to the priesthood, he saw the true corruption. It appalled him that the servants of the Gods could be so ungodly. He wasn't the only one that was uncorrupt. Another priest of Chih-Lung found him and invited him to the shrine that we were heading to. There weren't only Chih-Lung priests there, and there was only a small number, a total of twenty-three Toshi told me. Only eight of them were writing the history - well, eight priests and that man he kept mentioning. I kind of wanted him to go on about that man, I don't know why, maybe it was because Toshi seemed to worship him from afar. Instead, he went on about the other Chih-Lung priest. His name was Sai, and he was the reason that Toshi kept on living, or so he said. Toshi used to be resident at Guuryu and there he was maimed and mocked for his beliefs and the way he was. They still disliked him, apparently. He didn't bend to their ways, he didn't let the corruption touch him, and they looked down on that. He was watched by the woman in the town that all the men wanted, the little lady, daughter of the overlord of the city. She had wanted to marry him, and he said no. He didn't like her, or any other of the women. He wasn't ashamed of that, he said, and thought that the Gods made him that way so there was no problem with it and the others priests should accept him for it. They didn't. He was found, soon after, by Sai who sympathized with him and took him in. They were apparently lovers and Toshi had spent months away from the shrine and missed him dearly.

The shrine was nothing like the one at Guuryu. It was grand and it wasn't a marvellous piece of architecture. It did possess a small gateway, a tôri, and it was neat and clean. It was a small village shrine, though the so-called small village was at least twice the size of my own village. Apparently not all twenty-three priests lived at the shrine's housing, a few were married and lived in town with their spouse. Toshi and Sai did not. The housing wasn't connected to the shrine, but was another building altogether. I thought the whole ensemble to be peaceful and calming.

Toshi led me to the stable and told me to leave my belongings and that Bryn would be cared for and my possessions would be brought to my room. He led me to the shrine and promptly dropped to his knees to offer a prayer to Chih-Lung. As it was a shine for Chih-Lung, there were only two different Gods portrayed; Chih-Lung, as He was the shrine's Patron, and Ryuujin, the Father, as He represented all the Gods and one could pray to Him or to any of His Children, if they wanted to. As he rose to his feet another man entered the shrine. He was tall, but lean, and had the reddest hair. I never thought humans could possess hair that colour, but I guess I was wrong. It couldn't have been anyone but Sai, as Toshi ran to him and encircled him in his arms upon sighting him. Good for them.

"This is Hiroshi, I found him on my way home and decided to keep him." Toshi had a large smile on his face and one arm lazily wrapped around Sai.

"You make him sound like a puppy!" he narrowed his eyes and looked at me, "you're not, are you?"

"I… um… not last time I checked, anyway."

"Toshi! I thought you were beyond kidnapping innocent, little boys! You should be ashamed!" A newcomer walked in and received a hug from Toshi. Unlike Toshi and Sai, he wore a Gods' Pendant, the Gods' Circle. He either followed just Ryuujin or he was an all-Gods' priest. "Our Toshi never learns, does he Sai?" Sai laughed. "I'm Reiji and that there's Sai. Welcome to our humble, little shrine, Hiroshi."

I soon met the five others that were working on the history, again that's not including the last one who wasn't a priest. I sat silently as they updated Toshi on the on-goings of the town and the history's progress, he then told them about his journey, promised he found something that he'd show them later and then began to tell them about me. All he really said was that he met me during the snow storm and kept me with him. I was surprised that he didn't mention my dreams, actually. They seemed to effect him a lot, and he kept silenced until later, when he was prompted.

"Where's Dearg?" he asked after he'd finished his travelling log.

There was a general look of unknowing through the group. It was Sai who chose to answer: "He kind of disappeared eight days ago. I think it's that time of the year and he wants to spend some time alone in his spot." Eight days ago… I had had that dream - no, it was a nightmare - eight days ago. I didn't know who this 'Dearg' was, but could my dream and the man be connected? "You know how he gets sometimes. Anyway, he'll be back eventually."

Toshi looked at me, bit his lip and nodded. Yeah, there was something that definitely concerned me.

In a room off to the side, they had a large collection of books, mostly histories. I helped myself to one of them and retired to my room. Toshi was going to tell them what was bothering him, and he obviously didn't want me there whilst he did.

I had another dream that night. Again, I'm not sure why I remember this one specifically, but I do. This one started with just me. I was travelling, and by the look - and feel - of it, I had been for a while. I walked into a shrine, much like the one at Guuryu, one that was dedicated to all forty-three Gods. I had an argument, a screaming match, with someone who looked like the head priest and then I was thrown out. I sat on the steps, and he sat next to me. There were no gentle kisses in this dream, just what seemed to be a kind friendship, a pure understanding. In the chronicle of dreams, I placed it as dream one and the one I had had eight nights prior was probably the conclusion. A tragedy, then.

When I woke, I was alone. I'd gotten so used to Toshi being there with me that I expected him to be. I didn't want to be alone. I wasn't jealous of what Sai had, I never thought of Toshi like that, but I did want companionship. I had been alone for so long, eighteen years almost, and I didn't want to be alone any longer. It was too painful.

Sometime around dawn, I woke and dressed. It was a slow process, and my body called out for the warmth of the bed I had left behind. My mind, however, wanted to be somewhere else, where, I knew not. I went to the shrine, and just sat in the main room looking at the statues and paintings. I'd journeyed so far, so very far, from where I'd lived before and I still didn't know what I was all for. I still didn't have a reason, only a strange magnetic force pulling me to my destination.

"Welcome back." I heard a hushed voice whisper at the other side of the room, I doubted it was to me. I turned around and saw two figures. No, the person wasn't talking to me. "We've missed you."

"Sorry, Reiji," the figure replied, "it was hard to come back this time."

"Understood. There's something we'd like to talk to you about, we'll be waiting in the library, come as soon as you want."

"Now?"

They walked off in the direction of the library and I followed. Okay, I didn't like to eavesdrop, but can it really be considered eavesdropping when the conversation is about you? I knew they were going to talk about me, I always feel a weird prickle behind my neck when someone talks about me, and that prickle was present.

I sat down with my back to the wall next to the door that was propped open. I could hear them, but not see them.

"Firstly, welcome back, Dearg. We were starting to wonder when you'd be back, Toshi got here before you, and that was more than a little unexpected. Secondly, this is hard to say, we've been following up on you, and we've found some interesting things."

"Oh?"

"We knew you had to have had a background, so we found it," I knew that voice to be Sai's..

"And?"

"And we found that you were present at least ten major historical events since the First Rebirth. You can't deny it, you know you can't. It makes sense that you'd want to write a history, it will be like a journal for you, won't it?"

"Don't mock my pain."

"Look, Dearg," that was Toshi, "it was me that made the final connections, don't blame them. You were hurting, so I did some research as to why. Down in Chishiki they keep good records, some of the best, and I read some of Hoshi Rosuto Kenbo's work." Hoshi Rosuto… That was one of the Chosen, I knew, and Chishiki was the knowledge capitol of the world. Chih-Lung had the only shrine not to Fushichou in all of Fushichou's lands there. "Very interesting bit, actually. She wrote of the people she travelled with… Her husband, Prince Akeno Rosuto, her brother, Yuki Tienrey, the Gods Tenba and Akuma and… a man called Dearg. Supposedly, somewhere along the journey, the group realized that the man was an immortal who had helped Fushichou in the beginning."

"So what if it's true? What if I am, indeed, an immortal? What if I want to help people, because that's all I can do? What if I have to continually watch the people I love die?"

"We want to help. And we think Toshi might have found a way, but…"

"You can't help, Reiji, I'm cursed with immortality and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I can't die, even though I want to. I've had enough with life!"

Moments later I saw a flash of black as he ran past me, and then I heard a quite murmur of sound from the library. They were talking about me again.

I followed the black streak out through the shrine and into the stables. There I found only what one expects to find in a stable, horses. Sighing in defeat - if he didn't want to be found, I wasn't going to find him - I went to Bryn and began to talk to him, in the manor that one talks to a horse.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" I heard the deep voice of Dearg at the same time I felt the cool metal of his blade against my throat. I made no coherent sound, only began to breathe a bit faster. "Well?" The blade pressed harder.

"Hiroshi…" I mumbled.

"And what are you doing here?"

"To…Toshi brought me."

The answer seemed to satisfy him, at least momentarily. He released me, but did not sheathe his weapon. "You were eavesdropping," he accused. Unable to deny, I said nothing. "You know what they shouldn't know."

"I'm sorry… I… won't tell anyone… I promise…" I looked him in the eyes then. There wasn't much light, it was still the early hours of the day and the stables had no light of their own, and saw something in the shadows. The man, Dearg, looked so familiar. I told myself that I must be mistaking, but my mind kept telling me that this was the man from my dreams.

He humphed and walked past me, I followed. Stupid, I know, to follow a man with a weapon. One would have thought I'd have learned my lesson. I hadn't. I don't think I had the choice of following him, just like I don't think I had the choice of leaving home. I think it was all predestined and bound to happen. It was like a magnet pulling me to my unknown destination.

He stopped but didn't turn around. We were now in the light, and I could see he was of the same build as him. "Why are you following me? I am not a priest and will feel no remorse in getting rid of you."

"I think you're lying." I told him flatly. There was something in his voice that told me he couldn't kill me if he wanted to, and I told him so. "I think that my presence bothers you and you don't know why. Or maybe you do. I surely don't."

He continued to walk on, and I continued to follow.

"I was wondering if you could help me with something. You see, recently I've been having these dreams that feature someone that looks just like you." I said it slowly, hesitantly and he stopped walking.

"Don't even joke about things like that, child!" he turned and faced me. His face was as it was in the dreams, as was his hair. His expression, however, was not. He looked pained, like he wanted to cry but wouldn't allow himself.

"I'm not joking, Dearg. I like most of the dreams, actually. But nine nights ago," that phrase startled him, "I had one that…"

"That hurt… That you wanted to stop but knew that you couldn't… That you watched without being able to do a thing and then hated and blamed yourself forever after…" He cupped my chin in one of his hands. "How come you're so much like him? Is this someone's idea of fun? Akuma, maybe? Damnit, it's not fair!"

"What's not fair?" I asked him, though I partially knew the answer.

"Games like these… Life in general…" He sighed and brought his other hand to my face. "They aren't dreams, not in the sense that you know. They're recollections. Somebody's probably playing with your mind and mine… That or…"

He let the 'or' linger in the air. I looked at him questionably.

"That's probably it, you can't be Kazuo, not after all these years." He dropped his hands, but not before running one of them through my overgrown hair. I heard him mumble something like "though it would be nice" under his breath before he walked off again. Again I followed him.

"If they're recollections, why am I having them?" I demanded. I wanted an answer.

He stopped again, and this time I ran into him. "I. Don't. Know. All I know is that Kazuo is not allowed to be reborn, therefore you cannot be him. now go bother someone else." When he walked off this time, I didn't follow him.

This was a lot for me to process. From what he said, they weren't dreams that I was having, but memories. Memories of a past life in which Dearg was present. I actually liked the idea of that, for one reason or another. It explained so much to me. However, I didn't know why he wouldn't want his dead lover to be reborn, maybe I wasn't good enough for him. Or maybe he was just in shock. It had been a long, long time since this Kazuo had lived, before the First Rebirth, I knew. It still pained him, that much was obvious. Nine days before had been the anniversary of Kazuo's death, I decided. At this thought, my hand unconsciously travelled to the spot where the dart had hit him. It hurt.

I stopped when I got back to the shrine and sat where I had earlier that day. What was I doing there? I didn't belong there. Gods, I knew it for truth, but the truth hurts. I sighed and stared at the statues. I don't know how long I sat or how far my mind drifted, but when someone came to interrupt me it was highsun and time to eat. They said they didn't want to bother be to break fast earlier, I was too content at staring at the statues. Courtesy turned to concern when I sat without moving for too long. I just nodded, not really hearing what they had to say. I didn't really care. My mind was elsewhere.

"Do you think Dearg's coming back?" My head shot up at that question. "We were kind of hard on him."

"We needed to know the truth, you can't deny that," someone else commented.

"True," agreed the first, "but the way we did it was a bit forward, don't you think?"

"He seems to be hurting…" I mused. "It must be so hard for him." They all looked at me. This was the first I had spoken to them all day. "I wish I could help him, but he won't even let me talk to him."

"Hiro, is he, by any chance, the man you described to be before?" Toshi asked. I bit my lip and nodded. "That's what I thought. Did any of these dreams contain someone that looks like this?" he slid a sketch over to me. It was of a girl of my complexion with a thin headband crossing her forehead. I nodded, that was the girl that sometimes travelled with us in the dreams. Not sometimes, often. Toshi sighed. "That's the One that Became Fushichou."

"Fushichou?"

"Yes, Fushichou. Gods! That was before the First Rebirth, Ages ago. We know that Dearg was present, you must have been, too. It does make sense."

"You're jumping to conclusions, Toshi. What if they are only dreams?" Though I knew long before this that they weren't.

"They aren't, Hiroshi." That was Aki, a priest of the Horse Gods - which included Arikoruun. The Goddess of Dreams. "We spoke of it, and we believe they might be your lost memory, that you're some kind of reincarnation of someone he used to know."

It was more complex than 'someone he used to know'. They didn't know the whole of the dreams. They didn't know what Kazuo meant to Dearg. They didn't know that Dearg still loved him after all those years. I knew. I knew from the chronicles of dreams that I saw, I knew from the look in his eyes and the sting in his voice. He was hurting, wanting to let it all out. He blamed himself, as he said. I knew it wasn't his fault, I saw and felt the dart myself. I can still feel the dart when I think about it. I wanted to help him. The priests didn't offer a way, they just wanted to know exactly what had happened in my dreams. They wanted to know everything that occurred, everything I could remember, and I couldn't offer that to them. Couldn't and wouldn't. They were something that was between Dearg and myself.

As soon as I could, I left and wandered outside. There was a nice garden arrangement just outside of the shrine, and I found a place to sit. I hoped they wouldn't bother me if I was lazing about in the sun, well, what ever sun there was in the late winter.

I had hoped for too much, I thought. In my mind, Dearg, the dream man, was going to be the one to rescue me from my life. He was going to be the one to save me and make everything better. I guess I had left my village in order to look for him, that was the primary reason. I had finally admitted it to myself. The other reasons were just covers on that which was the truth. I wanted to find him because I always knew that he was real. I always knew that he was out there somewhere.

"If you think too hard, you will get a headache." I looked up from my feet and into the red eyes of a dark skinned man with equally red eyes. Both were less normal than Sai's extremely red hair; almost the colour of fire and blood. "Would you like to hear a story?" I think I nodded because he sat down next to me. "This story takes place a some time ago now, but I remember it quite well. Things were going downhill after the First Rebirth, and something needed to be done. Thus the Chosen were, well, Chosen by the Gods. They began their journey through Fushichou's Lands and Hoshiko, Akeno Kamlyn'sai and Yuki Tsukiko met with Tenba and Akuma, two Gods, and formed a strong bonded sealed by their will and determination to see all put to right." I knew this, of course. Any student of history, any one that had read any book on history, knew about that, but I chose not to interrupt. "Just before they left Fushichou's Lands, a sixth traveller joined them. From one of the Blessed, Fi Mikomi Rosuto, they knew that he was a foreigner, from the Outside Lands - as they were called. That was why he spoke nunshikotoba. There were many things strange and different about this man, and the two Gods and three Chosen worked hard to try and figure out just what wasn't right about him.

"It wasn't as if they didn't want him on their journey, he was helpful and quickly became a member of their little group. But they wanted to know what wasn't right. The two Gods felt like They should have known, like it was something that was blatantly obvious. The truth came out for them at the end of their journey. You see, they had gathered, by one way or another, that the man was probably not mortal. The two Gods knew that Xeen didn't possess any non-God immortals, and if she did, They would have known about it. The man's story was complex, and surprising to them all. He was an immortal as old as the Universe and had been assigned to Xeen to make sure that everything goes well. His first real mission was right before the First Rebirth. He was with Fushichou, before She was Fushichou, and saw the action. The Gods, too, saw the action, but this man's story differed greatly from Their own. This man's perception of the girl Toya Toshi, who Became Fushichou, was not that of the Gods.

"The man had travelled with Toya Toshi as a mortal would and helped her along where he was needed. There was a third member of their group, someone he knew before he met Toya Toshi. A mortal Gods' priest that he loved with all his heart. And then a tribesmen on the opposing side, the one that was trying to take over Xeen, shot him with a dart. About two years later was the Initiation of the First Rebirth, The man never forgave himself for his love's death - and he never forgot either."

"Dearg… That story was about Dearg…" The other man nodded. "But how did you…?"

"After he told the story, the one I have summarized, I set to work. You see, I, too, had a mortal lover. He died and I was unable to do anything. I didn't want Dearg to have to go through the same thing, he's all alone, save the memories of his love lost. I set to looking for his love's, soul. Kazuo, as the love was called, was not hard to find, when he heard I was calling out for him, he came eagerly."

I ran that through my mind, and did a double take. "Akuma?" I asked. He said He - as it would be for a God - was there when Dearg told that story, and He didn't look anything like the angelic Tenba.

Akuma nodded and smiled. "After I had Kazuo's soul I had to convince My Siblings and My Parents that it was worthwhile to bring him back, memories and all. Reincarnation is often practised, but some people never get reincarnated and the people never have complete memories. What I was asking for was something that was never done before. On top of that, Gods are immortal and have no deadlines, if something's not dire, it can take centuries. And it did. In the end, however, it was a success."

"It's a good story, but I'm still uninclined to believe it," a voice from behind; Dearg.

Akuma shrugged. "Believe what you want, I've given you the truth and a second chance, just like you've given Xeen. Hells, you've given use more than two chances, Dearg. I want you to be happy, we all do." He whispered something in the same language of the dreams, nunshikotoba, and left.

"What if it's true?" I asked when He left.

"I don't know," he admitted.

"Why are you so quick to disbelieve? A God just said that I was true, that's got to be proof enough."

"Why are you so quick to believe?" he retorted.

I turned to face him, and he sat down in front of me. "Because it feels right. I know it to be truth, Dearg. Something inside of me is calling for you, and has been for a long time. Only recently have I identified it."

"Because I answer the unknown questions?" he sighed and again took my face in his hands, as if to study me. "You're being forced without knowing anything."

"Everything is there, just not unlocked yet."

"You're determined, just like Kazuo. But then, you're supposed to be him, aren't you?" He sighed. "Why do you confuse me so?" He then brought his face to mine and kissed me. It was like nothing I had ever felt before.

Dearg told me everything that happened, everything that my dreams portrayed. Never once has he called me 'Hiroshi', no, it's always 'Kazuo' to him. To everyone but those priests it is. I've found what was lacking. My life is complete. As is Dearg's. part of the deal of my rebirth was that I could become immortal. I would never have to leave him and he wouldn't be alone again.

I stayed with him at the shrine until the history was finished. Xeen, A History, as it was called, ended up being ten volumes long, and is still the most accurate history ever written. Dearg allowed for a part to be written on him , as long as it was sketchy, and he didn't want his name mentioned under who wrote it. I asked for the same.

So Dearg and I lived on, immortally and happily, I suppose. Happily, but I hope to the Gods that there is no end. We were creating our own history and watching the rest of Xeen as we were inside one of the volumes of the Xeen, A History. I watched the people pass, uncaring. I got my dream man and my happily ever after, and that was all that mattered to me.