Fan Fiction ❯ Duty and Friendship ❯ The Story! ( One-Shot )

Title- Duty and Friendship

Author- Melfina the Blue (psychogenius@poetic.com) aka psychocavalier

Pairing-Legolas/Obi-Wan, Aragorn/Obi-Wan/Legolas

Rating- R for language, mental imagery, and nudity.

Disclaimer- Nothing belongs to me. Not even the drinks. This is probably a good thing.

Warning- AU, crossover, makes fun of Star Wars.

Author's Note-Deeply indebted to the Sith Academy for location and character development. Also, the Secret Diaries of Lord of the Rings, for hysterical laughter.

Inside the Grey Side of the Force, two refugees from bad relationships sit and talk. And get drunk. One had been stood up less than an hour ago, and the other was dating a politician. Good friends since a quest a very long time ago, they seek solace in each other.

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"Oh, stop complaining. At least you aren't dating a Jedi."

Aragorn turned towards Legolas.

"No, I'm dating a senator whose wardrobe would fill a stadium."

"Well, at least she can commit to you."

"But she has to change clothes for everything. And it takes her at least two hours each time."

"Well, at least Anakin isn't always coming on your dates with you."

"No. But he's all I hear about."

"Me too. I'm really starting to dislike him."

Both men sighed and stared morosely into their Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters. Aragorn turned once again towards Legolas, who was still staring into his drink. He had to admit that Obi-Wan was an idiot. Standing up Legolas again like that. Especially when Legolas was wearing skin-tight leather pants and a loose, sheer peasant style shirt that fell partly over one shoulder. It was all Aragorn could do not to jump him, so how did Obi-Wan resist? Having that blond bombshell with his smooth white skin, and muscular warrior's body, and... He quickly cut that line of thought short. `I have a girlfriend,' he reminded himself. `I do not need to go there.'

Legolas shifted on the stool and sighed again. Aragorn decided to restart the conversation in hopes of distracting himself.

"Well, at least Obi-Wan looks good in a kilt."

"Not that he ever wears one anymore. And since Anakin became his apprentice, I never see him alone. And of course, everything has to be a learning experience. Museums, the opera, foreign films. No drinking, no rock music, nothing not educational. And no time alone together. Everything's for Anakin. Obi even tried to mind whammy me into letting Anakin watch."

"Watch what?"

"Us together. In bed."

"Did it work?"

"Thankfully, after spending a thousand years getting mind whammed by Galadriel, you develop a resistance."

"Why was Galadriel mind whamming you?"

Legolas shifted uncomfortably. His cheeks turned bright red.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did it have anything to do with Celeborn?"

Legolas turned redder. In fact, he was now blushing so brightly that Aragorn was convinced it'd be visible in the dark.

"I said, I don't want to talk about it!"

"You know, I was wondering why you were spending so much time in Lorien."

"Never you mind."

"Was it really that bad?"

"Let's just say that the two of them have some unusual tastes."

"Trust me, not as bad as Arwen. Her dwarf fixation, well, it wasn't pretty."

"I dunno. I thought the helmet looked good on you."

"What about the beard?"

"Scratchy."
"So why'd Obi-Wan grow one?"

"Tradition. You know, he was much more fun as a padawan. I swear, as soon as they become masters the life just gets sucked right out of them. Ack!"

"Huh?!"

Legolas jumped off his stool and spun around, rubbing his butt where Yoda had pinched it. He grabbed Yoda and set him on the stool.

"Why the hell did you do that?"

"Cute you are. Sleep with me you will."

"Sleep with you I... wait a minute! Damn Jedi! What gives you the right to try to mind whammy me into sleeping with you?! Why the hell does everyone I meet try to mind whammy me into having sex with them?!"

"Too handsome for your own good you are."

"FUCK YOU!"
Legolas threw Yoda across the bar. As Yoda flew across the room, he yelled "Yes, please." This statement was immediately seconded by most of the bar.

Aragorn, sensing that his friend was about to attempt to break a few Jedi heads, put a restraining head on his shoulder. The bare shoulder. The bare shoulder with that silky soft skin. That skin that his callused fingers rasped across as Legolas moaned in pleasure. Suddenly his pants felt far too tight. `Okay, bad train of thought. Think of your girlfriend. Think of anything except Legolas, in his skin tight pants, which you want to rip off of him right now and give him the shagging of his life. Oh damn. Time to pull out the ace. Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day.'

Once his pants were looser again, Aragorn turned his attention back to the here and now. While he was, ahem, distracted, Legolas had sat back down at the bar and begun to drink. He had two empty glasses in front of him, and was in the process of emptying the third. While Aragorn would not have been concerned if Legolas has been drinking, say, vodka, the fact that he was gulping down the most powerful drink known to civilization was, to say the least, mildly alarming. The bartender leaned over to Aragorn as Legolas gulped the last of the drink.

"You know, your friend's very impressive. I've never seen someone drink that much that fast, and still be vertical. But you might want to get him home soon. Once this place starts jumping, people won't think twice about taking advantage of him."

"Thanks. Come on Legolas, let's get you home."

Legolas considered this for a moment. It seemed like a good idea. But then again, as drunk as he was, starting an orgy seemed like a good idea. But that meant he'd have to move. He wasn't sure he could move. He felt like he didn't have any bones. He wondered briefly if that would be a problem.

Aragorn settled up with the bartender and then stood up. He slung Legolas's arm across his shoulders, put his arm around his waist, and picked him up. He was always surprised at how light the elf was. He left the bar and walked back to Legolas's apartment. Once inside, he dropped the elf on the couch. He was mildly surprised that he was still conscious. `Water. Water would be a good idea,' Aragorn thought. He wandered into the kitchen in search of some. While he was in the kitchen, he heard Legolas moving around, but didn't think much of it, that is, until he came back into the den.

Legolas was standing up, leaning against the back of the couch. He had removed his shirt and was trying to remove his pants. The zipper seemed to be stuck.

"Aragorn, help. I'm hot."

Legolas sauntered over to Aragorn. Well, he attempted to saunter, but it ended up being more of a drunken stagger. He fell against Aragorn, and they both fell back a step. Legolas's fingers were still working at a zipper, but it was now Aragorn's, not his own. Aragorn was too busy keeping them both upright to notice, until he felt his pants being tugged down his hips.

"Legolas."

The elf appeared not to notice. He was too absorbed by the challenge of removing pants.

"Legolas!"

This time the elf looked at him.

"Legolas, you're taking off my pants. Not your pants, my pants."

Part of Aragorn's brain reminded him of what he'd been thinking about earlier. About how, as drunk as Legolas was, he'd do whatever Aragorn wanted.

"Damn it! I am not taking advantage of my best friend when he's upset and drunk."

His only answer was a soft murmur. Legolas, oblivious to Aragorn's internal struggles, had fallen asleep. Aragorn picked his friend up, kicked off his pants, and walked into the bedroom. He set Legolas down on the bed, and pulled the blankets over him. Suddenly he felt very tired. He curled up next to Legolas, and promptly fell asleep.

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Obi-Wan was exhausted. It had been one disaster after another this week. He'd been looking forward to his date with Legolas. And then he was summoned to an emergency council meeting. During the meeting, all he could think of was Legolas, sitting on that stool in those skin tight pants, looking incredible. Now, all he wanted to do was rip those pants off him, and make him scream in ecstasy. Again and again and again. No phones, no beeper, no Anakin, no council. Just the two of them together for a solid week.

He let himself into the apartment. He noticed the clothing on the floor and smiled. A naked Legolas was right up his alley. He stripped, and snuck down the hall to the bedroom and quietly opened the door. He turned on the light and his jaw dropped. Aragorn turned over and buried his head in the pillow, groaning at the light. Legolas sat up and put his hand to his head.

"Care to explain?"

Legolas looked around. Aragorn was in bed in with him. Obi-Wan was standing in the doorway, looking very unhappy. This was going to take some explaining. But first, aspirin. And water.

"Legolas?"

"Aspirin first. Talk after."

"A bit hung over, are we?"

Legolas nodded his head and tried to stand up. Bad idea. He promptly lost his balance and fell back over Aragorn.

"Hey. Five more minutes. Or coffee. Second thought, five more minutes."

"Aragorn, what the hell happened last night?"

"You threw Yoda across a bar, and then got impressively plastered. I brought you home, put you to bed, and then apparently fell asleep."

"I see." Obi-Wan was not happy. He knew how uninhibited Legolas was when drunk, and he also knew that the pants in the den were Aragorn's. "So this is all completely innocent."

The snide tone in Obi-Wan's voice set something off in Aragorn. He'd spent years listening to Legolas cry and complain about Obi-Wan Kenobi. Kenobi had ripped Legolas's heart out again and again, and now he had the audacity to accuse Legolas of cheating.

"Listen, you snide little bastard. You stood him up! It's your fault he got drunk in the first place. And you left him at the mercy of those animals in the Grey Side of the Force. If I hadn't been there, he might be in real trouble right now. He'd rip his heart out for you and serve it on a plate, and you treat him like dirt. If you had even a miniscule bit of compassion in you, you'd be crawling at his feet right now, begging for forgiveness for even thinking such a thing. You fucking bastard! You disgust me!"

Aragorn gently shifted Legolas, and went to go get some aspirin and water. He shoved roughly past Obi-Wan, who shoved back. So Aragorn punched him. Thus, the fight started.

Legolas sat up and stared at the two. His head hurt and he was miserable.

"Both of you stop it right now! You have no right! Stop it!"

Both combatants stopped and looked up at him. He was crying and he was bloody furious. He was gorgeous. They exchanged a glance, and then both threw themselves at him. Aragorn claimed his mouth, while Obi-Wan slid those tight pants off. After that it got a little fuzzy. Flashes of hands running across chests, stroking members, probing intimate areas, playing with nipples. Mouths teasing and sucking. And flashes of light as the universe collapsed around them.

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"What the hell?"

This was just about the way Obi-Wan had planned to wake up. But he had planned to be sharing a bed with one person, not two. He had also expected to remember what happened. And the chocolate sauce was a complete mystery. Legolas groaned, and Obi-Wan turned towards him, briefly surprised when he realized how sore he was.

"You alright?"

Just then the door broke down.

"The Spanish Inquisition no one expects!"

"Master Yoda?!"

Obi-Wan was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was sharing a bed with two men wearing nothing but streaks of chocolate sauce. From the look in Yoda's eyes, he was very aware of it too. And then Anakin walked into the doorway, followed by Mace Windu.

"See, I told you something was wrong."

"No more this parrot is. Lumberjack I am and okay I am. Sleep I all night and work I all day."

"Master Yoda? Are you alright?"

Master Yoda picked up Legolas and dangled him in the air. While Obi-Wan would normally consider Legolas dangling in the air above him, completely nude, a good thing, he was willing to make an exception in this case. Partly to preserve Legolas's modesty, and partly because he was looking more than a little green.

"Master Yoda, put him down!"

Yoda dropped him onto the floor. From a height of six feet.

"Ow! That hurt!"

"Shag you I will. Pretty you are."

"That's it. First the pinching, then the attempted mind whammy, then the dropping, and now this! I am throwing you out the window! You damn green pervert!"

"Prevy elf fancier I am."

Anakin had been enjoying the show. He hated Legolas, and it was quite enjoyable to see both him and Obi-Wan humiliated. But the other man in the bed, the dark-haired one, was looking at him very intently and it made him nervous.

"Master Windu, perhaps you should explain?"

"Good idea young padawan. Obi-Wan, we have reason to believe that you and your friends have been drugged."

Obi-Wan looked over at Legolas. He was currently trying to shove Yoda out the window. He had to admit this wasn't normal for Legolas. Normally Legolas would put some pants on, then throw the Jedi Master out the window. And it did explain the entire chocolate sauce fiasco. And the threesome. And anything that explained the threesome was a good thing as far as Obi-Wan was concerned.

"Drugged? How, why, and Legolas, put on some pants. Then you can throw whoever you want out the window."

Aragorn tossed Legolas his pants, then started looking for some aspirin. He was sore and his head hurt. He was also very thirsty. And rather sticky. And in shock. He had just slept with his best friend and his best friend's boyfriend. Amidala was going to freak. And the worst part was that he'd finally given in to temptation and now didn't remember any of it. This was just not going to be a good day. He decided that he'd listen to the explanation, and then he was going to shower. Alone. And then he was going to get very very drunk. It was a good plan.

"B-459, the gaseous drug, was pumped into this room. You can see its effects on Master Yoda. Someone isolated the air for this room, and then hooked a canister up to it. If there hadn't been a leak in the system, you all would have suffocated to death. Good thing Anakin became alarmed when you didn't answer the phone and called us, or you might all be dead. I would suggest you all put on some clothing and leave the apartment until the air is clean. That'll probably take a week or so. In the meantime, Obi-Wan, your vacation is cancelled. We need you to help us get to the bottom of this. And you two, stay where we can find you. You have 5 minutes to get dressed and pack. Oh, and you," he pointed to Legolas, "put down the Jedi Master."

Legolas scowled and complied. He grabbed an overnight bag and began to throw clothes into it. Obi-Wan grabbed his clothing and began to get dressed, while Aragorn went in search of his pants. The others waited outside the apartment.

"I'm sorry about this, Legolas. And about what I said earlier. Aragorn was right about that. I guess I just can't get used to the fact that someone as beautiful and wonderful as you could ever be interested in someone like me. I am a complete and utter idiot. Accept my apology?"

"I'll think about it. I think I need some time to figure things out. You understand, don't you?"

"Yea. Call me when you're ready, k? I'll be waiting with baited breath."

Obi-Wan finished getting dressed, and helped Legolas finish packing and getting dressed. Together they walked out into the den, where Aragorn was waiting.

"Everything okay, Legolas?"

"Yea. I guess so. Listen, can I crash at your place?"

"No prob. Couch okay?"

"I've slept on worse."

Aragorn and Legolas wandered off together, leaving a crestfallen Obi-Wan Kenobi to his duties as a Jedi. Duties that he knew may just have cost him the man he loved.

"So, Master, when will we be seeing Legolas again?"

`Some days I just want to strangle him. Qui-Gon, this is all your fault. You had to go and stick me with the brat.'

Legolas never did call.