Fan Fiction ❯ Final Hedgehog X-2 ❯ (Mission One): real Emotion ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Final Hedgehog X-2

A/N: Final Fantasy X-2... starring Sonic characters. YRP is replaced by Sonic, Knuckles and Tails, making it SKT, which sorta rhymes if you think about it... Yes, they still have the dresspheres and Garment Grids, and yes, it is pretty gay. But, fear not: They hate it.

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(Mission One): real Emotion

It was a cloudless evening in Station Square, where a large stage was being set up for the newest pop sensation, Sonic the Hedgehog. Of course, it was about eight at night, and hardly anyone could see right about now, but that didn't stop a humiliated-looking red echidna in a yellow bikini from knocking out a guard.

"I hate this outfit..." he mumbled, as his two-tailed fox friend in a black-leather suit ran off behind a wall, beckoning him to follow. "S, K, T... in position..." he sighed into a radio on his bikini strap. "It's showtime, girls..."

Meanwhile, on the stage, the lights dimmed and a spotlight was left shining on a blue hedgehog wearing... NOTHING but shoes and gloves.

5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

"What can I do for you?" sang the back-up singers.

Sonic started walking forward, then spun around, suddenly surrounded by sparkly blue lights. His gloves and shoes disappeared as a blue-outlined outfit replaced it.

...It was a black miniskirt and purple top, with brown boots and weird purple sleeve things. A long... THING of hair trailed behind him now.

"What can I do for you? What can I do for you? What can I do for you? I can hear you... "

Sonic started dancing suggestively, and several people cheered as some creepy man-dancers appeared behind him, mimicking his every move. He held a microphone up to his mouth, starting to sing.

"What can I do for you? What can I do for you? What can I do for you?"

Then, the camera zoomed in on his face and the name Sonic appeared in girly letters, with a flashing question mark above it.

So then he spun off into a solo:

Crappy parodies can't make it right,

Stop trying to blasphemise us!

Blue and purple really seem to mix

In this gay parody of doom!

All them things I've seen

In those crazy dreams--

Can you gather what I'm sayin' now?

Everything's so creepy,

That it just brings me to my knees!

Even though, I know, the author's so lame to do this to me,

I won't give into it!

Now, I know, that forward is the only way my feet can go,

I hear your voice calling out to me--

I hope you'll be alone...

As the chorus joined him, Knuckles was perched in a balcony, watching through binoculars and frowning. Why was Sonic's voice so... so high? It wasn't natural... Anyway, a guard appeared behind him, and poked him in the shoulder.

"Heheh..." he chuckled, then punched the guard out as the chorus part hit its chrescendo. After that, he straightened up and the camera zoomed in on his face, where Knuckles appeared in girly letters as well. So then he went back to watching the show and all was well.

Sonic was still dancing in a girly way down on the stage, though, and that worried him a little...

Meanwhile, Tails was walking down the steps of the surrounding stadium, as a guard confronted him. Doing a spin-kick, he quickly disposed of the man as the camera zoomed in on his face. Tails zoomed onto the screen in girly letters. He slid down the rail as several people cheered after him.

Knuckles was standing with his arms crossed on a floating thing (?) that the instrumental parts of the song were being played on, and frowned even more. Tails jumped on, and the song ended in an explosion of pyrotechnics as Final Hedgehog X-2 appeared on the screen. Then it disappeared as the floating thing, carrying Tails and Knuckles, flew across the screen.

Suddenly, everything turned into bad graphics as Knuckles and Tails landed on the stage.

Sonic was still dancing, even if the song had ended. Music, however, was playing, as Knuckles pointed accusingly at him.

"Give it back already!"

"You really want it?" Sonic asked in a deep, dark voice, glaring at them and turning around in what could be described as a 'cute' pose. "Then come get it!"

The two creepy man-dancers behind him turned into robots with large 'E's on their fronts.

"Get 'em, boys!"

Suddenly, a battle started.

Knuckles punched the first robot off the stage to its doom, and Tails, for some reason, had a large sword with a skull on its hilt. He stared at it, then decapitated the second robot. "Sonic" looked stunned as Knuckles punched him in the jaw and sent him flying on his back.

"Erm... gotta go!" laughed "Sonic" evilly and he ran off, jumping off the stage as the two followed him.

Knuckles ran after "Sonic" on the docks that had appeared out of nowhere, punching out robots as they came at him. He also found a person cringing in a corner, dressed in an Chao mascot outfit. Touching it, it restored his HP in a flash of blue light. Staring oddly at it, he backed away cautiously and started running after "Sonic" again.

Finally, he caught up with Tails.

"We lost him..." sighed Tails.

"You know, I think you should've been the blonde one," Knuckles informed him.

"Nah, then I would've had to had the second letter in 'SKT,' and it would throw the whole thing off."

"So?" Knuckles retorted. They started running after "Sonic" again.

Suddenly, a bat girl in a purple and very revealing outfit appeared, along with the humongously fat Dr. Eggman.

"Gasp!" gasped Tails and Knuckles in unison.

"Hello, little boys," mocked the bat girl, pulling out revolvers from behind her back and virtually nowhere. Dr. Eggman heaved a large sheild off his back.

Suddenly gunshots rang out as the two started 'dancing' to avoid the shots aimed at their feet. That's when Sonic, in a very revealing white outfit and mini-short-shorts, ran up and bounced off of Dr. Eggman.

The graphics became wonderful as Sonic twisted around in air and started shooting at the two with two pistols. He landed and posed with the pistols crossed. Knuckles grunted and posed with two daggars shinging in the sun, crossed as well. Tails posed with his sword facing the duo.

Then, when Knuckles was supposed to smile... he did the complete opposite: He frowned deeply. SKT appeared on the screen.

So the graphics became polygonal, and "Sonic" appeared behind the bat girl and Dr. Eggman.

"Well done, loves," said "Sonic", grimacing at the word 'loves'.

"Give it back!" growled the real Sonic, standing up and pointing his pistols at the fake one.

"You really want it? Fine!" grunted "Sonic", throwing something at the real Sonic, where the blue hedgehog caught whatever it was.

Pink sparkles appeared around "Sonic" as the outfit began to fade, and he became black with red stripes down his arms, head and the rest of his hair. An odd pink costume replaced it, and he fell onto his side, blushing a deep maroon.

"When I signed up for this part, I didn't think I'd have to wear something so ridiculous!" he moaned, as the bat girl and Dr. Eggman helped him up. He whipped out a fan and frowned deeply, rivaling Knuckles' frown. "We are... the Shadow Syndicate! Remember that name well, loves!" He pointed the fan at them as a battle started.

The 'L1' icon appeared on the screen.

"Press L1 in battles to switch dresspheres!" yelled the author.

So Sonic did, and stars appeared around him as he changed into the costume that Shadow had previously worn. As Knuckles and Tails attacked the Shadow Syndicate, Sonic danced, casting 'Darkness' on the enemies.

All of the Shadow Syndicate's attacks missed, and the bat girl and Dr. Eggman were soon disposed of. Soon, all that Shadow was doing was missing them with that big fan, until Knuckles punched him out of the battle.

The bat girl and Dr. Eggman ran out of the docks, and Shadow was left to look around confusedly. "Curse you, whoever you are!"

"We're Team Sonic, that's who!" replied Sonic, in his revealing white outfit again. "You remember that name!"

"Nevaaaar!" screamed Shadow, completely out of character, running away. "You'll pay, you crappy excuse for a parodized group!"

"Same to you!" shouted Sonic after him.

Tails and Sonic shared a hearty laugh, and Knuckles looked bored. Mission Complete appeared across the screen with a background of blue. A large, red ship pulled up beside them.

"Sonic, are you okay?!" asked a spastic, girly voice.

"...I'm fine, Amy..." sighed Sonic, smacking his face.

In a flash of light, Sonic was on board the red ship, and he approached a blue, glowing sphere. Save Sphere appeared on screen, along with the instructions for it. Without reading it, he saved in a blank save file.

Walking back to the main control room, he went off on little monologues about different people on board: Amy (The girl after me's pretty creepy), Big (Big doesn't speak much... but he's funny to look at), Omochao (He's annoying and... sorta a genius, if you don't count the lack of a brain), Tails (Preppy and cheerful, as always), and Knuckles (...I don't know what to say about him. He's kinda weird...).

After that, he went to the cabin on the ship, where he monologued about a small chao that was serving alcoholic drinks and stuff in an old-fashioned inn-like room. Choosing the option to rest, he slept for about ten hours before reawaking.

"Yawn..." yawned Sonic, sitting up on the bed. He jumped off a balcony, making his bouncey sound effects and landing on his feet without much incident.

As he was walking back towards the elevator to return to the bridge, a red light started flashing and sirens blared, scaring the hedgehog out of his mini-short-shorts.

"Sonic! Battle stations!" screeched Amy's voice across the PA system. She giggled maniacally before it buzzed off.

Making his way back to the bridge, Big approached him and began filling him in:

"You go to frozen mountain, get Chaos Emerald, return here!" he said in a series of odd grunts.

"Yeah, right, whatever you say..." sighed Sonic.

Big then went to a cockpit for choosing places to go to (which he probably shouldn't be allowed to operate, but hey, Amy's driving), and Sonic followed.

Suddenly, the 'world selection' screen from Sonic Adventure 2 Battle popped up, and Cold Mountain Zone was highlighted in blue.

"I pick that 'un!" said Sonic like a hick, pointing and accidentilly flipping a switch which made the ship's controls lock-down and the main engines shut off. Suddenly, the ship shuttered, the engines sputtered, and then it was... falling.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed everyone, hanging on for dear life to anything they could get their paws (pa-dum-chiii!) on at the moment.

Luckily, though, Amy smacked the back-up power button and the engines sputtered back to life. Everyone slammed to the metal floor at about seventy miles-per-hour (did somebody call Tails's name? Anybody? Anybody? /gets pelted with various objectscausing several bones to break and other's spines to snap.

Fortunately, none of the inhabitants of that certain ship were killed or injured in any way at all, because Sonic the Hedgehog uses less logic that Mel Brooks. Lucky thing, huh?

And that's more logic than the author, right there.

Breathing heavily, Sonic cautiously got to his feet. "Well. I think it's time to start the first mission."

"Second mission," Tails corrected him. "The thing back in Station Square sorta counted as a mission."

"Oh. Okay."

Shrugging, they went to the deck, and Amy's voice echoed across the red surface.

"All right, Team Sonic! Time to get that Chaos Emerald!" she squealed giddily.

Knuckles, not having any lines beside the 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!' a few paragraphs ago, grunted. "Are we going to jump?"

"Why not? Final Fantasy X-2 has less logic and more physics-defying than any of the games in the Sonic series could ever have!" laughed Tails, being the genius he is.

Then he and Sonic shared a hearty laugh and Knuckles frowned deeply. In a bad mood, he shoved them violently off the deck, then followed them to the ground.

(End of Mission One)

Scenes from next time:

"How can you hear an echo?!" screamed Tails. "YOU HAVE NO EARS!"

Knuckles looked shocked. "...Yeah, well... How can you fly?! YOUR BONES ARE SOLID!" he retorted.

"How can EITHER of you fly?!" yelled Sonic, feeling left out, because he was the only one who couldn't fly and/or glide for short distances. "YOU'RE A SUB-SPECIES OF THE ANTEATER, AND YOU'RE A CANINE THEY HUNT DOWN IN ENGLAND FOR SPORT, BECAUSE YOUR POPULATION HAS OVERRUN THE RABBITS!!!"

The other two stared at him, both mouths agape. Then they suddenly looked hurt, until Knuckles stomped his foot.

"Yeah? 'LL HOW COME YOU CAN RUN SO FAST?!" he shouted angrilly. "YOU'RE A (censored) HEDGEHOG!"

"Ahem," Rouge cleared her throat from behind them. "Well... We're off to get that Emerald..."

"That's right, loves!" cackled Shadow, running off, the other two following him.

"Gasp! Quick!" shouted Sonic.

And they ran after the Shadow Syndicate, which wasn't that hard, Sonic being Sonic an' all.

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Well... How'd you like that? Pretty screwy, and pretty gay. I think, if there was a 'gay' genre, this would be under it, because of all the cross-dressing and Knuckles calling them 'girls.'

Knuckles: So it's all my fault?

Yeah. It is.