Chapter 5: The Captain

Adeyaka's mind was blank, her usually tanned face pallid. All she could do was take one step after the other, slowly moving forward. It was the only thing she knew to do. She hadn't slept a wink since that first night on this blasted planet. She didn't want to have those dreams again, to see her crew dying and her helpless to do anything for them. She didn't want to hear the dying words of her Signature Officer, Morgan. She left her mind empty. Her thoughts had faded into a numb void long ago.

The cracked ground crunched beneath her feet loudly, blasting against her mind's quiet barriers. The pain in her legs seemed to jar her head repeatedly, almost as though trying to force memories back into her guarded mind. Despite all her success, one phrase kept passing through her mind over and over again, a phrase she couldn't grasp the meaning of, but at the same time she couldn't deny its importance.

There was a sound of distant thunder in the sinister skies above, and she slowly glanced up. The rolling black masses filled her eyes, shifting, forming, rumbling. She paused, as if these great clouds had given an ineffable order.

She didn't know how long she had been walking, and she feared knowing how much farther she would need to go. Far in the distance, when she had first climbed painfully out of the battered escape-pod, she had seen a bright red glow. In this blasted world, what else could it be but her wrecked, dead spaceship?

As if guided by some unknown will, Adeyaka had felt a desperate, almost wild urge to get to the ship. She had told herself that surely there had been survivors, and that logically she had to head off to find them. At that point she had been in control of herself, mindful enough to secure all the ration-packs stored in the pod. She had walked in the direction of the glow, not knowing how long the trip would take. But after the first night, when she settled down to sleep, things changed.

The nightmare had been more than just a dream; it had seemed to be, almost, a memory. She was in her pilot's chair, barking out orders, solving the problem in the efficient, calm manner that was forced into second nature for all the captains of the fleet.

But soon the situation became critical; her officers were shouting, some were praying, and all seemed to have come to the conclusion that they were doomed. She recalled Morgan trying to persuade her into the escape-pod, and her calm refusal. She had even recalled, in a perfect clarity that she would never remember in waking, being bodily picked up and hauled to the pod. She ordered, she threatened, and eventually she even resorted to sheer violence and screaming, but to no avail. She suddenly found herself in the escape-pod, the door closing slowly. In reality, the door had practically slammed in her face, but in her dream the door was slow, agonizingly so. The entire ship quaked, and through the still-open doorway she saw, in slow motion, her officers flying from their seats. She wanted to do something, to get up out of the pod and give out calming orders, even if they were her last. It was her ship, her people. Yet no matter how much she struggled, the door kept closing, and she was pinned as if by an invisible vice. And throughout all of this, Morgan, her Signature Officer, stood on the other side of the doorway, mouthing the phrase to her voicelessly over and over again.

After what seemed like ours, the door finally closed, and Adeyaka had her mobility back. She slammed against the door, screaming at Morgan, begging him to open it. She pounded at it with her fists, tears streaming down her face as she was forced to relive the episode. And then the pod launched, knocking her back into her seat. Desperate, she jerked herself about and stared out the pod's single solitary window as it rotated slowly to view the Explorer. The ship looked so peaceful, few would have realized that anything was wrong with it. But she knew. She was aware.

Adeyaka did everything to turn the pod about, even resorting to trying to move the blasted device by sheer force of will. Nothing mattered. She fell weakly against the window, gazing silently at the ship with tears in her eyes. And then it happened. There was no sound, no screams, no great explosion. Yet before her very eyes came flames. The ball of fire was short lived, dying almost instantly in the airless void of space, but the damage was done. Adeyaka screamed as she watched in horrified dismay as what was left of the great vessel hurdled down, down, into the atmosphere of Gevangenis. Even as the red flames came about the window, blocking her view, she continued to stare where the ship had been, continued to scream. Her landing pod cascaded down into the stormy black world…

Adeyaka awoke with the resounding sound of her scream still filling her ears. She was on her stomach, returned to the harsh reality of black sand and ominous clouds. She clapped a hand over her mouth and lay there for a moment, battling back the tears that had been falling in a torrent. Once she had finally regained control, she slowly lifted herself into a sitting position and gazed about. She had never been very good at insomnia, and it seemed especially difficult now that she so desperately wanted it.

Her mind working again, she cursed herself out loud and slowly stood up. She knew she wasn't likely to survive out in this desolate land, knew that the chances were against her actually finding the ship, now that the flames were gone. Yet despite all that she knew she had to go on. She was a stubborn woman; it had always been her great talent and flaw. She wasn't going to just give in. No, she was going to keep walking, keep making her way to the ship, even if she died on the journey.

As if this thought was a cue, her stomach rumbled loudly. It seemed blasphemous, to have that loud sound in a land of such desolating silence. Adeyaka realized that she had failed to eat anything at all after the first dream, for her mind had been so focused on avoiding the horrid memories that nothing else seemed to matter. Now that it was back, however, she realized that she was desperately hungry, and thirsty.

Despite her hunger, Adeyaka started walking forward. She wasn't certain if she was going the right way anymore, but she kept walking anyway. As she did so she reached into the small pack at her waist and pulled out one of the few ration-packs she had. She ripped the pack open greedily, but forethought arrived just in time to prevent her from downing the entire meal quickly. She slowly ate a small amount of the pack and, resealing it carefully, returned it to the pack. She took a small sip of water from a bag she had acquired with the packs and carefully put it away as well. She needed to conserve, regardless of her growing appetite.

As Adeyaka's legs and stomach complained, and with the landscape around her seeming even more desolate, she tried desperately to think of something to take her mind off reality. Almost immediately that phrase came up again. She beat it back, trying to ignore it. It receded, for now. She tried to think of a tune, some sort of song to pass the time away. For a moment she whispered to herself the upbeat theme of the American Space Navy, but found she simply didn't have the heart to keep the tune up.

For a moment she wondered if she shouldn't just let her mind sink into that empty void that had kept her going for so long. She bowed her head and listened to her own light footfalls. It was all she could think to do. She trudged on, left, right, left, right, feeling like her legs would collapse at any minute. She wondered, not for the first time, if she had died and this was some private Hell made up just for her benefit.

Adeyaka stopped suddenly, listening. There was no hope, just a strange feeling like she had heard something. She waited. Nothing. Wait, there it was again. What was it? She wearily lifted her head and looked around. It was beginning to register to her that she was hearing a sound she had been listening for ever since the incident. It was the sound of voices.

Forward, there was nothing. Left, there was nothing. She turned to her right, turned away, blinked, looked again. She thought, for a moment in the distance, that she had seen a flash of light. She waited, listening carefully. Was there hope? Was there actually a survivor in this horrible place? Or was Satan, in whom she believed in as faithfully as God, playing a game with her in this black land?

She didn't see the light again, but the voices came once more. Deep down in the dark recess of her mind, a faint light of hope came out. She started to walk towards the sounds, trying to call out to them. Her mouth was too parched; she couldn't speak above a whisper. Apparently she had spent longer without food and drink than she realized.

Starting to feel desperate, she opened the water bag and drank heavily as her pace quickened. As if she had been saving up for one last burst of energy, she felt herself running towards the voices. There was a light, and another! Her hope rising, she forgot the water in her hand, letting it slip into the darkness of oblivion as she tried once more to shout. She still couldn't do it, but she had to get to the people, her people.

For a short time her mind became completely focused on the lights and the voices. But as she drew nearer, seemingly in slow motion, she began to notice a great bulk standing out in the middle of the desert. Soon there was no doubt in her mind; she had found the Explorer. She could see, to her delight, people walking around near the great vessel. She would have given a whoop of joy had she the energy, but as it turned out she didn't have the energy even to keep up her run.

To her complete dread, Adeyaka's legs gave out on her. She fell to the dirt like a doll, her arms breaking the fall painfully. No… no, this couldn't be right. She was right there! She tried to pull herself up, but her arms failed her too, and she fell facedown on the ground. For a long moment she lay there, wondering at the horrific irony of her situation. Was it going to be her fate to die here, so close to her people?

She lay for some time, listening to the sounds of the people moving about, talking. She tried to say something, move a muscle, do anything that would let them know she was there. She couldn't die here, she just couldn't!

She quieted her mind, for suddenly there was a new sound. It sounded like someone was walking towards her on the bare, sandy ground, yet there was more than footsteps. There was an extra sound that accompanied the heavy steps, a sound she couldn't make out. Suddenly she felt something small prod into her shoulder.

"Well," came a heavy, ancient voice, "What is this? Too soft to be from the ship."

Adeyaka slowly looked up, but all she could see from her view on the ground was a pair of boots. The person knelt down and touched her lightly, feeling her back slowly.

"Why, is it a survivor?" The voice sounded awed and surprised. The hand came to her head, touched her dark, dirty hair, and then reached her face. As if feeling for something, it reached her lips and held there for a moment. "Definitely alive. Come on, take my hand."

Adeyaka saw a wrinkled, strong hand in front of her face. She gradually reached up and grabbed it, holding on as tightly as her weakened state would allow. The hand lifted her up easily, and she felt herself fall forward into the arms of a very large man. "Whoa, careful. You've had a nasty time, I gather." Adeyaka tried to open her mouth and say something, anything, to this man, but it came out in a light whisper once again. However, the man seemed to hear her. "My my, you must be parched dry! Being in this wasteland will do that to you. Here."

She felt something press against her lips, and cool water began to pour into her mouth. It had a nasty taste, like it was filled with just the wrong collection of minerals, but she drank greedily. After a moment the canteen was pulled out of her mouth, and she felt that her throat was finally capable of speaking. Now, at last, she took a good look at this man.

The man was very tall, at least six-and-a-half feet in height. Dressed in dirty red trousers and a matching, dirt-coated turtleneck shirt, the aged man was at least in his sixties. He was bald and possessed the naturally tanned skin of a Latin descendant. He was holding a long cane in his right hand, and one look into the man's face told her why. A large scar ran raggedly across the man's face from his left ear to his right cheek - he had no eyes.

Immediately upon this revelation Adeyaka knew this man couldn't be an Explorer crewmember. With such a disability, he would have been turned down at the recruiting office instantly. That was one thing, the fact that the man's outfit appeared in no way like the blue-and-gold soldier's uniform was another. But then, where did he come from?

"I… I'm sorry." She answered him politely, and tried to stand on her own. She failed and found herself being held up by the man once again.

"Now, don't go trying to exert yourself, lady." He told her in a very fatherly voice, "Here, let me get you to a safer location." Despite this offer, the man's steps tried to lead her away from the Explorer and towards a line of oddly shaped vehicles. She stopped, thinking the man's handicap caused him to err, and tried to turn them back to the Explorer. The man paused and gripped her arm tightly. "I wouldn't advise that way." He said in a hushed whisper, "There's nothing good to see over there. Nothing at all."

"I have to." She told the man politely, removing him from her arm and turning towards the Explorer. She wobbled a bit, but managed to start walking towards the ship slowly. The man came up beside her and offered his arm. "I'm sorry," he told her, "I can see your determined, but now really isn't a good time."

"You can't understand." She told him quietly. Morgan's voice sounded the phrase in the back of her head once again. "I have to go. Those are my people." The man stopped and turned his head towards her studiously for a moment, as if he really could see her for study. She didn't stop walking, though, and after a moment he caught up with her again.

"Woman," he told her in a sympathetic voice, "You don't have a people anymore." Suddenly his voice turned dark and threatening. "And I promise you won't like the people who are there now."

Adeyaka stared at the man for a moment. Was everyone…gone? What did he mean by 'the people who are there now?' She shook her head. This man was blind and had no idea of the crew's numbers. How could he know if everyone was dead? She turned and continued walking once more. The man gave a deep sigh and followed behind her quietly, ready to offer his assistance should she fall again.

As Adeyaka approached the deceased vessel, she realized that she had been mistaken on at least one point. The people she saw walking around the ship were, indeed, not the Explorer's crewmen. The men she saw were running about, some barking orders and others taking measurements and recording information. All the men wore grey one-piece suits and had turbans that completely hid their features from her vision. Some wore a yellow decoration that went from their right shoulder to their left waist; it looked like a belt or holster of some sort. One man in particular stood out amongst them, standing with authority and giving commands to anyone who came near. His piece was red, not yellow, and was arranged opposite the fashion of the others.

Just beside the great hulk of metal, Adeyaka noticed something lying in a long line on the ground. As she approached, she realized that they were the bodies of her soldiers. She stopped where she stood, gaping in horror at the cold bodies, the pale faces, and the missing limbs. She didn't realize that she had started to collapse again, and she found herself in the blind man's arms once again. The phrase in her head was louder than ever before.

"C'mon, lady, you don't need to see this." The man pleaded with her, trying once again to drag her away from the scene. But now they had attracted the attention of the men, and all work ceased as dozens of hooded eyes turned on them. Adeyaka didn't care about them. Kicking politeness out the door, she shoved the man away and trudged towards the bodies, ignoring the eyes. She had to find…him.

Several of the turban-men started towards her, but the red-decorated one, apparently the leader, raised a hand. They all stopped and, at a further gesture from the man, stepped out of her way. For a moment there was complete silence as Adeyaka, tired and stumbling, stepped up to the bodies. She stared at them uncomprehendingly for a moment, looking at them blankly. What had happened? What went wrong? It had to be a dream, it had to be false. All those cold faces, young and old, staring blankly up at her. She felt as if those cold eyes were accusing her, blaming her for everything. Cold hands that had stiffened pointed accusing fingers at her. Silent tongues pleaded for an excuse, lifeless eyes demanded retribution. And all the time, that phrase kept its repeating cycle over and over in her mind.

Slowly, jerkily, she walked down the line of bodies, taking in each face, each new death, every good friend. Her family was gone. Her life was gone. She wasn't crying. She wasn't certain she knew how to cry anymore. She gazed into every eye; let each of those motionless mouths beat at her with silent accusations. She should have done more, should have helped. She shouldn't have left, should have been there. She was the Captain. Why was she still alive when so many were gone?

As if in a vision, a specific body appeared before her eyes. It was covered in blood, black burns covered its legs, and one of its arms was missing. Yet despite all that, there could be no mistaking that dark face.

Adeyaka let out a wale of despair and collapsed to her knees. The phrase screamed at her, its meaning clear now. Tears, whose origins she didn't comprehend or care to know about, streamed down her face as the motionless eyes of Morgan, her Signature Commander, gazed up at the sky. She reached a trembling hand towards him, but found she couldn't touch the poor man despite all her emotions. She fell to her face, bawling, not caring who was watching. She mixed her tears with curses, blasting herself verbally for everything she didn't do.

Adeyaka's mind had collapsed. She was aware of nothing but Morgan's desperate voice in her head, repeating over and over and over again. She didn't feel the hands lifting her from the ground, never noticed that she was now in one of those strange vehicles she had seen, or that she was moving swiftly across the desert now. All she knew was pain, utter despair, and that constant, heartbreaking voice.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you………