Fan Fiction ❯ for the life of one ❯ One-Shot

For some reason, this took me forever to write. It's a recolliton of history according to one of my characters. Because Dearg is male, this has a yaoi/malexmale pairing. So what else is new?

audi
thegoddess@goddess.com

For The Life Of One
The Chronicler's Story

No story of mine should begin with 'once upon a time' because 'once upon a time' is inherently followed by 'happily ever after' and 'happily ever after' just doesn't exist. Life, unlike fiction, doesn't make sense - it just doesn't have to. Life is a tragedy, that keeps continuing in an endless rage of merciless anger. So, why are people so happy to be alive?

No matter what anyone says, those living are in constant pain. Especially mortals; especially humans. The worst thing that could happen to the Universe was Time's creation of Those Who Cannot Be Named.They eventually took control over the Universe, leaving Time to lurk quietly and mind Its own business, away from all else. At this time, Time created another. Another to obey them, but answer only to It. Time created me to watch over all else, to make sure nothing failed during Its sleep. I did, of course. Or at least I tried to.

Let me explain something here. The Universe survives through a balance of power. The Moral and the Evil were created to equal everything out. If, at any one time, one is greater than the other, the whole balance is thrown off. Also, with the creation of Those Who Cannot Be Named, was the creation of superior beings. These beings ruled over individual planets, governing the other inferior beings. Planets had the free will to mould these beings as they liked, and more often than not the superior beings became what's known as 'humanoid', or, at least, biped. My guess is that it was going to happen eventually since they are humanoid, as am I.

The main fault with humans is that they have that pesky thing called 'human nature' and that brings a longing for power. All superiors were greedy and power hungry, and most of them possessed this 'human nature'. They wanted more power, more control. It wasn't always in an evil, conquering sense, either. Some were pacifists - or close to it - and they wanted people to be happy that they got to the point where nothing else mattered. And then there were those possessed by the Evil who were incoherently evil by nature. Eventually it came to a point when the balance was thrown off by such demonstration of power that something had to be done.

There'd been catastrophes before, and we nearly lost the entire Universe on several occasions. That's why we couldn't afford another risk. Another push in a direction away from balanced and the life of the Universe itself was doomed. If anything else happened the Universe and Those Who Cannot Be Named would perish, leaving only Time and myself to wallow in the emptiness.

They devised a plan, of sorts. Since it was long before decided that we didn't have the ability to find those who were possessed by Evil, we knew we had to find another way. The way they an insane plan that could only work if everything was exactly perfect and it might just take too long. They wanted to Create another planet, right in the heart of the Universe, in a small solar system that hosted only two others. The planet itself would be small, and have a set number of Gods to govern it. Its superiors would be biped humans. The climate it would be gorgeous, and there were be a mixture of vegetation that would be near impossible to rival. It wouldn't be allowed to find the technology to create vessels to take them to their neighbours or weapons of mass destruction. The inhabitants would live harmoniously, thus solving the Universe's problems. The name of the utopia was to be 'Xeen' --'hope'.

The Xeeni Project, as it came to be known, set out immediately, and I watched them prepare to make their light of hope. I was unsure of success and a pessimistic state brought on by the upheaval of my surroundings befell me. They had a solution for that as well. It was my duty, apparently, to watch over Xeen and make sure all went well. I was to watch silently and gently guide people in the right direction.

That was when all my troubles truly began.

Previously, I was made to watch from the distance. If I was to 'guide' I was to have had direct permission or instruction from Those Who Cannot Be Named or Time. Never was I to be seen. However, they deemed it necessary and therefore I was told to prepare myself for the birth of Xeen. Did they realize that I didn't know how to be human? Humanoid I was without a shadow of a doubt, but the only people I'd ever communed with were them, myself and, on occasion, Time. Mostly I talked only to myself. I was left alone to take notes and make reports on the occurrences of the Universe. So, what they were thinking when they assigned me to be Xeen's personal slave is beyond me. I haven't the foggiest what was expected of me then, and I still don't. I want to know if I did everything correctly, but no one can tell me because no one knows the difference between correct and incorrect.

Xeen, in her earliest stages, was perfection itself. I remember watching and wondering just when it was going to fail - who was going to guide it to failure? It was the remains of the pessimistic state, remains I've never really gotten rid of. However, at that time not all the Gods had been Born and the plants and animals were still in their primordial form, it was at a time where even the cruellest of planets could seem at peace.

The utopia, such as it was, did rise and it was glorious… At least for a time, anyway. That's all that mattered… right? If only it was that simple! The Fall of Xeen was watched by every planetary power, they wanted to know what Xeen had that made it special. They were utterly delighted when Xeen's humans got out of control.

Somehow it became my fault that the Xeeni humans were going insane. I hadn't watched them carefully enough and I'd let them do their evil deeds. Bad Dearg, bad. They hadn't spent nearly as much time simply observing humans as I had. They didn't realize that there were certain traits that humans shared. I knew that something was going to happen, and I had a strong suspicion that it was going to concern the humans and probably their magick that had been granted to them.

Oh, right! Magick is by no means a foreign thing to any single part of the Universe. Some peoples spend entire life spans trying to figure out it's meaning and it's purpose, and some never know it's there. Basically, magick just is. Beings, like myself, are created with it, but it lives inside of everyone and everything. Everything is magick and magick is everything. Some can just… put it to better use. Some can use the hidden force of life to do their bidding. This is most likely on un-technological planets, like my Xeen.

So, magick played a big part in the deal, but there was more… So much more.

Peoples were rebelling because of the biased favour the Gods were taking towards the humans. Their Patron God, Jin - whose very name means 'Human' in their language - , thought He could do as he pleased because they said His People were to be superior. Other Gods' Peoples started to die and humans began to see this and grew weary of the Gods, believing that what they were doing couldn't have been correct because creatures were dying too rapidly for nature.

There were wars within the humans, too. They were divided, and often treated each other like a different species altogether. There were tribal people and, well, non-tribal people. It didn't help that there were three allied groups of the former and over twenty unallied of the latter. It didn't help that they wanted power. It didn't help that they wanted magick and were finding illegal ways to satisfy their need.

One person saved it all. I may be able to drone on about Xeeni heroes and era changers, but one person really sticks out from the rest. Without this one person, the Universe would have failed… and the others that eventually saved Xeen would have had nothing to work with. They'd've been utterly lost without Her guidance. She was Known for hundreds of years a 'Megami' - 'Goddess' - by a mere handful of the people She saved. Others, namely the Gods and Their remaining followers, knew Her as 'Fushichou' - 'Phoenix', named for the fiery bird with extraordinary powers. Before all that, however, there was a young girl named Toya Toshi who lived in the challenging time in-between eras.

Toya Toshi was one of a group of people that still followed the Gods and did Their bidding. Her family had a small farm that she lived in with her parents, brother and invalid sister. Her family had been visited by a priest, and his young follower, when she was born and to them he delivered vital information. The priest followed not one Patron God, but all forty-two of them, and his follower, naught but a boy of eleven, was to take on the older priest's duty when the man died. But he comes somewhat later.

Unto them the priest delivered a prophecy which foretold a child born under the moon named Mysterious on a night when the three moons aligned. The child would be born in a small farm and bear a lop-sided, five-point star on its breast. The family looked to their girl and saw that she did, indeed, bear such a mark… They looked to the sky and saw that it did, indeed, bear the three moons… Both of the occurrences were rare, and the family knew there was something more to the innocent, little baby. The priest said she was to be the Gods' Holy One and would save them all. He left a copy of the prophecy and left with his young student.

There was a big difference between being loyal to the Gods and believing every word written in Their Honour. The Toshi family dismissed what the priest said and raised their three children like any other family in the province. So, Toya Toshi grew up thinking that nothing worth note existed beyond her little township and her little farmhouse. She thought all in store for her future was to become an obedient wife for someone of the township and that she would bear him many sons.

Therefore, on the night before her sixteenth birth-day when she walked in to her family's home and found it covered in blood, she wasn't sure whether she should be shocked, scared or upset. Or curious. Odd as it may sound, she was curious when he older, invalid sister told her to fulfil the prophecies right before she died. And then a tribesman came to her door with a massive sword and told her she was next.

Toya Toshi had just come home to see her family murdered and a man from a people she believed didn't exist was threatening to kill her. Prophecies were the last thing on her mind. The man lunged towards her, but was devoured in a blinding red light before he was able to so much as scar her fair skin. Toya Toshi was left alone in her blood-stained house, with the bloody bodies of her dead family. She buried them following the Gods' ritual as best she could.

Eventually she made move out of the township she knew and went to one of the rising cities of the world. This city, like her township, followed the Gods still and many shrines could be seen along the walkways. It was there she was reunited with Kazuo, the priest's follower.

As much as it pains me, I feel I must talk of Kazuo for a few moments.

Like many other priests and priestesses, he was chosen from the village he lived at the age of five to begin his new life. His family was poor and having trouble providing for him, so they probably didn't miss him too much. After five years of study, he was selected by a priest to learn further about the Gods, as was his choice. Other children may have chosen other priests of their chosen God, or simply an entire shrine. Kazuo's priest was obsessed with a prophecy that he had said would change the world, for the better. The prophecy spoke of the Gods' last resort. At the age of eleven, the boy travelled with the priest to greet the girl of prophecy, Toya Toshi. After the fact, Kazuo studied further and the priest died when he was twenty and Toya was only nine.

I had begun to travel the cities of the world dressed inconspicuously in my black cloak. I learned to draw myself in and make myself one of the crowd. I found myself visiting each and every shrine, looking for some information of what the Gods had in store - I hadn't communed with the Gods, and I doubt They know I exist even now… or, at least, They don't know exactly what I am, save maybe three of them. Maybe. It was at one of these shrines that I met Kazuo.

He was one of the few humans on that planet that still matched the original plan for Xeeni perfection. He was consistently striving for the better and his eyes portrayed the goodness of his soul. At the time, he was dressed in shabby travelling clothes and was covered head to toe in dust, dirt and looked in general need of a bath. He had other ideas though, and he marched straight to the head priest of the shrine and began to yell at him in front of all the shrine's guests.

That was the first time I'd heard of Toya Toshi. He told the priest that a one of the priests in the city was supposed to be watching her all the time. He said that that was the nearest city to her, and they had priests to spare. Toya Toshi could not be spared. Her life mattered above all else. His devotion to this girl intrigued me, so I stayed to watch when most of the people backed away or left altogether.

It was not the first time I heard this argument, nor the last.

By the end of his speech the head priest merely blinked at him, and said something along the lines of "what nerve you have, young Kazuo, to walk into my shrine and tell me what to do with my priests! I am very much aware of what your master babbled on about, and I am very much aware that it is complete nonsense. You will stop muttered that nonsense, or you will leave my shrine. Are we clear?"

"No," I heard him reply. The simple word seemed to shock the priest, who was obviously not used to being told off by anyone, let alone a younger priest. "This is not your shrine, elder. This shrine, as well as the city belong to the Gods. Toya Toshi is the One Prophesized, the Holy One. She is the last chance granted by the Gods and you will make sure that she survives to save Xeen, 'else all will fail. Are we clear?"

The priest nodded to the shrine's guards - why shrines had guards is beyond me - and they picked him up and carried him out of the shrine. I followed and he was there, sitting on the shrine's massive entrance stairway with his travelling rucksack laying next to him and his head in his hands.

"When will they ever listen?" He must have heard me sit down next to him, for the question was directed at me alone.

"Who is this girl whom you are so very passionate about protecting?" I asked him quietly. My own travels did not extend to small villages or tribes and I never followed a single person, lest I break the rules that Time set for me upon my arrival to Xeen.

I listened quietly as he told me the story I have already accounted for you. His eyes seemed to glow as he spoke of the prophecy, he felt honoured that he had a place to play. However, he was obviously upset that nobody else believed in the power of the prophecy.

I nodded after he finished. "Most Xeeni do not realize the danger they face. They do not realize that they are in danger."

The look he gave me was filled with many emotions, so many I couldn't pick them all out. "So you believe in the prophecy?" he whispered.

"I've never heard of it," I confessed, "but it is probable. The Gods don't want Xeen to fail. That priest should have listened to you." He looked at me and smiled. It pained me to see that his young face already bore the wisdom of someone much older than him. I led him then to the inn I was staying in and readied him a bath. He hadn't a place to say - "travelling priests stay at shrines or outside, and you know what the elder here thinks" - nor any money, so I let him stay with me, the room was big enough and, being immortal and all, I didn't really need any of the facilities anyway. The only reason I even got a room was I was getting noticed as I walked around day and night without food, drink or sleep.

Kazuo bathed obediently and changed into clothing that was, if not dust-covered, old and shabby. He said he didn't like to indulge himself in anything when so many had so little.

I had dinner brought up, and whilst we were eating, he spilled out the rest of his tale. I learnt of his childhood, the priesthood and so much more. I knew why he looked so wise for his age. There was just something about him, something I'd never seen in any mortal before in my entire life - so long I'd forgotten the length by that time.

Even though I'd been on Xeen for some time and been mingling with the humans for a while, he was the first one I ever really sat down to talk with. Mind, I didn't tell him about my life… I was forbidden to do so, but I did tell him other things. We shared ideas, and I helped to comfort him through the pains of his journey. He, too, had been alone for so long and was happy to find a companionship of sorts.

I found myself asking him to allow me to accompany him on his travels. I didn't know if there was rhyme or reason to them, but I knew that I wanted to follow him. I was intrigued with Kazuo… even though I knew it was dangerous to spend time with any one human… even though I knew I was putting us both in danger…

I was overjoyed when he agreed, and thus we began our journeys together.

I'd like to skip over the next seven years, for my own sanity, but too much happened then, both to me and to Xeen. Xeen… Let me talk first about the general occurrences of Xeen… At this time, the tribal people had rearranged their alliances. There were still three of them, but the numbers had shifted. One became unallied, for one reason or another, the Quitán people. They eventually played a role in history, but, because they were so few in number, played little at that point. The other alliance, the Espera, was of four tribes who were outcast from the others, for one reason or another, and found sanctuary with each other but not the Quitáns. The largest group was known as the Tenshu. These people were vicious and those in the cities feared them immensely. They wanted power and they wanted land. Basically, they were ruthless killers who wanted to divide and conquer all Xeen.

The people in cities formed alliances, for the first time in history. Actually there was one alliance, and a few cities that kept to themselves. There weren't any countries at that time, well, they weren't really countries. They were city-ruled provinces. The province that Toya Toshi was in, was not allied with any other. Those allied, however, worked to gain strength and power and built armies. They wanted to suppress the tribal peoples. Their safety had been threatened… that's never a good thing with humans.

Asides the warring and whatnot, at this time crops had begun to fail everywhere, and huge number of people were dying of starvation. That gave people the last push against the Gods. Only the two smaller tribal groups and a few unallied cities believed in Them. They were being maimed as false and some groups were finding new Gods to worship, Gods that were really false. Magick, too, was in danger. People born with the power to touch it were being suppressed and some people were touching it without being granted permission. This false-magick, as it was known, was getting dangerous and the workers of it were exploiting its power.

Kazuo… Kazuo and I continued to travel together. We tried to stick to the providences that still thought him to be virtuous, and not an evil, corrupted man - which I tell you he most certainly was not. There was something wonderful about him, something that made me go against the rules I set for myself and stick with him. Six years after we met, we returned to the shrine I met him at.

The speech was one I'd gotten used to seeing but not hearing. Most times he was a quiet, resourceful person who kept to himself and didn't like to make a scene. He got so angry at that man, though. He re-said his piece, asking again and again why there wasn't anybody watching over Toya Toshi. This time, though, the other priest asked him why he was asking for help and not doing anything himself. That was worse than him getting possessive of the shrines:

"This is for the good of all! Can you not see that things are failing, it's a time of great need! The Holy One is in danger! What if she was to be attacked before she came into her power? I cannot see her until that time, you know that! When she comes to the power, I will find her, until then it's your duty to make sure they don't kill her!!" He went on and on, raging and letting out the anger that he'd had bottled up inside for so long.

At the end of it, the man laughed. He just looked at Kazuo and laughed.

I glared and told everyone in the shrine that they ought heed Kazuo's word, and then I took Kazuo to our room at the inn - consequentially the same inn we'd stayed in six years prior. Once we got into the room, he did something he'd never done before, he flung himself at me and started to cry. I was taken by surprise, and found myself wrapping him in my arms and letting him let loose what he'd contained for so long.

Sometime later, when he'd cried all he could, he looked up at me with his watery eyes and… he kissed me…

"Dearg, the mission we set you on is important, the whole fate of the Universe depends on its success. We're counting on you, and you alone, to make sure that all goes to plan. Do not become attached to any of the humans, you could find yourself in danger of not letting go. By no means tell anyone your mission!! Furthermore, Dearg, you are a being of Time, but you are not Time. You are our being as well, but you are not of us. We are asking you to watch over Xeen as you have watched over the Universe. You cannot alter anything. Things happen for a reason, Dearg. And while you can guide and make sure those things happen - with permission only!! - you cannot change the fate of any person. What ever happens does so because it's meant to happen, and who dies does so because they were meant to die. Never try and stop a person from dying! That could ruin the balance of Xeen and that would ruin the balance of the Universe. We will not let you be the reason the Universe fails!"

I'd heard the speech they gave me loads of times, and I'd lived by it for the longest time… But with his lips against mine… It seemed that time stopped existing for the world, but only for Kazuo and myself. I realized the danger that I was putting us both in, but it took a while for a message to reach me and pull me back to reality. I pushed him from me and looked away.

"I'm sorry," I found myself muttering as I stood and walked to the window on the other side of the room.

"It was me that kissed you," he replied, "I shouldn't have, should I?" He sounded… ashamed… "I just… I couldn't hold it back any longer. Guess I figured that if I was letting out the tears I might as well let out the kiss. Probably the confession that goes along with it, too," he paused. I could tell that he was crying again. "Dearg… Dearg, I… love you… I do…"

I cringed slightly. "Don't… Please don't say that, Kazuo… I beg you…" The three words I wanted most in the Universe were also the three I least wanted to hear. Hearing them meant I'd failed on the first of my instructions. I knew I'd failed mentally, but those words would drive me over the edge. I told myself that for six years. And for six years, everything went as planned. I followed him, loving him without him knowing, adoring him unaware. But…

"If you don't return my feelings… I can live with that… Just don't leave me, Dearg, I couldn't live with that."

"You can't… Kazuo, you don't know what I am, how dangerous it is…" I'd nearly broken guideline number two. "You can't love me…"

"I know you're different, a Godsend or something, but that doesn't change how I feel… Maybe it amplifies it some…" I was shaking and he must have noticed it, I felt his arms entwine around me from behind, pulling me to him. He rested his head against my back. "I don't care if it's dangerous… I don't…"

I turned and kissed him in response. Damnit all anyway.

He pulled me closer to himself, and I felt as if all was finally right in the Universe. If only he knew… if only I could have stopped then, so much might have changed in the history. Any rules that I didn't break in those few blessed moments, I broke soon thereafter. How could I not? I'm supposed to be this perfect being, but even I fall for temptation.

So, we continued to travel together, this time to the shrine in which the stars were watched and charted. They did other things there, of course, things such as provide oracles and God-worship, but what we were there for was the sky maps. The beginning of the end was to be marked by the moon Mysterious. Toya's birth was honoured by the third moon, and her Awakening would be, too. Later, the moon would stand alone, without the First Moon and the Second Moon… but that was still years away at the time.

The shrine's priests were much more keen to believe Kazuo's prophecy. Granted, most of them seemed to be quite insane, but they'd just lost touch with reality. Some of them had been at the shrine when Kazuo's master had come years before to collect data that lead to the realization of Toya's birth.

Everything's connected, everything leads to everything else. Life is a circle of happenings.

Each day with Kazuo it was harder for me to remember a life without him. I'd been with him less than ten years, and yet that small time over powered the large amount of time I'd spent alone, drifting through the Universe. Call me a sentimental fool, but I really believed the perfect days would never end.

"Dearg?" It was the day before we were to leave the shrine and head out and Kazuo had left to try and wring any bits of information previously missed. He had had to leave me alone, for one reason or another those priests didn't fully trust me. I didn't know why then, and I don't now.

I looked up from the charts I'd been looking at to gaze at the object of my affection, "mm?" I half-asked in response.

"I've been thinking lately," he confessed as he sat down right next to me, "and, well, I've been realizing that you can't be human." He took my hand then, and just held it in his own. We both needed the touch. "Whether or not you're human makes no difference to me, but…"

"But you want to know what I am?" I sighed. I knew that he was going to ask me one day, actually I was surprised that it took him as long as it did. "As you've guessed I'm not human, only humanoid. In reality, humans were modelled after me and my superiors. That's really the only I can think of to explain it." I proceeded to tell him of Those Who Cannot Be Named and Time and how I came to be on Xeen, and he listened eagerly as I broke all the rules that I'd sworn to millennia before. And I didn't care.

When I was finished I found he'd climbed into my lap and wound his arms around my neck. "Seems like a lonely life," he commented.

"I have you."

"The time you've spent with me doesn't come close to how long you've spent alone," he protested mildly.

"I know, but somehow it doesn't matter," I kissed him. "They had three rules for me, and, in a matter of a few months, I've managed to break each one of them." I ran a hand through soft hair and pulled him a bit closer to me. "I wish I had the power to stop time, to keep you with me forever."

He didn't say anything, and nothing could lessen my pain. Every time I remembered that he would one day leave me was like a dagger in my side. I knew it would happen, but I never really realized how close it was.

We sat outside for hours, until it was way past dusk, just enjoying each other's company. He never asked me if there'd been anyone else, he just knew that he was the only one I'd ever love. And how I love him still!

Knowing caused him guilt; he knew he'd have to leave me, just as I knew it. However, I knew then that I'd never forget him - and I haven't yet. For some reason, I thought that telling him my secrets would make him think less of me, that or he'd start to worship me like his Gods. Thankfully, he did neither. He simply continued to love me as he always had, of that I was grateful.

I had, at the time, the first of my many black stallions. He was trained to know what I wanted almost before I wanted it. He was a beautiful horse, just like every other one I had over the centuries, and he had already began to become associated with that "mysterious cloaked traveller". Also by this time, I had gained possession of my tanken, or my magicked blade. I got it not because I felt threatened or because I had an urge to fight, but because it intrigued me. My Xeeni were succeeding and failing at the sane time. They were learning their magick and perfecting the art, but too many people were learning and it was getting out of hand. To me, my tanken began to symbolize a new era of Xeeni history. There was an upcoming chance for her people to survive, and I was in the middle of it. That period of time was a lot more involved that the previous failure.

"Do the Gods know about you?" Kazuo asked me from his own chestnut stallion.

"I hope not," a simple answer. "I only stepped out of the shadows less than fifty years ago. Unless the Gods found me and noticed that I've been alive at least as long as They have. It's unlikely that They have, They have enough problems of Their own."

"True enough," he agreed.

"They do Exist, if that's what you're after."

He looked shocked; as if he was surprised that I could tell wanted he wanted to ask. "Just because I'm a priest doesn't mean that I'm positive that They're real," he explained, "I believe in Them and follow Their Teachings, but I do so assuming that They Exist."

"That's understandable. And it shows an extreme devotion, I'm sure They recognize your faith. Besides, if any Xeeni is likely to meet Them, it's very likely to be you - what with your involvement with Toya Toshi and all that."

"Sometimes I feel like it isn't enough, though. Like there's something more to it."

"That's human nature, Kazuo. It's because there is 'something more' out there. Some planets develop means to travel through the Universe looking for that 'something more', and you're the closest one to a hint of it."

He smiled at me then, the beautiful smile that could only mean 'I love you', that glistening smile that I adored. No words were needed, we were beyond that. We could sit for hours and say nothing, and we did.

And so, those seven years passed and we went back to the city with the detestable priest to wait for Toya Toshi. Kazuo was told that she'd find him there after her sixteenth birth-day, on which the moon Mysterious would shine again. So, the moon Mysterious had shone and we were waiting in the inn. There was a spare room reserved with extra clothing and supplies and we even had a place that we could retrieve a horse, should she be in lack.

A few weeks later we found her, she was torn and beat and looked like she wanted to stop living then and there. We told her vaguely who we were - "Kazuo, a travelling priest, and my friend, Dearg" - and then set to fixing her up. She was trusting and pure, despite what'd happened - which she promptly told us when we asked her.

Kazuo told her then about his mentor priest and about the Prophecy, which he recited for her. He told her current events, portraying for her just how much her help was needed. Our story was told, well, how we'd been travelling through the provinces looking for clues, and also about the corruption and lack of care we found - which she took to heart. At the end of his monologue he told her a bit more about our relationship, basically that I was his lover. When he said it, I think he was just aiming for acceptance and to give her a reason for my presence - well, other than my Watcher of Time title that I wasn't planning on telling her - but there almost seemed to be a hint of possessiveness in his tone. I don't think she noticed, though.

"So everyone is depending on me?" Kazuo and I nodded, slowly, reluctantly. "What if I don't want to help?"

"That's your choice, obviously, however, more than you can begin to imagine is in your hands," I answered, "you've a lot of power waiting for you, but we're all waiting to see how you'll use it. You're sixteen, and by the time you're twenty I expect you will be well known. Your name will be on everyone's tongue, and your face will be recognized - whether you want it or not. Will you let the power corrupt you, Toya? It's all your choice. I suppose the Gods will intervene, you're Theirs, after all. Gods They may be, but even They cannot fully dictate your choices."

She bit her lip pensively and she looked, like my Kazuo, so much older than she was. Our trust was being laid upon a sixteen year old girl, while I trusted her outright, I wondered what they thought of her (or if, indeed, they knew). Time, on the other hand, was undoubtedly laughing to Itself.

Kazuo saw it fit to teach her of the Gods, as he found many holes in her education, and Toya was an quick student. I kept watching, helping where I could and doing what was possible. Toya was an interesting person, she lived in her small township all her life, and yet she seemed to know so much about people. Her trust, she declared, was because she believed people were inherently good. As I grew to know her, I discovered that she thought of humans much the same as I did. As I had once told Kazuo, I find humans complex and yet so simple and there's just something intriguing about humans, something left unexplored. It's so hard to predict human behaviour, generals are just that, general. What the general population was prone to do was not what everyone did. Kazuo and Toya were not part of the general population.

My meeting Toya marked the beginning of my travelling through history. While I'd been present on important events before, never had I pushed things along such. Later I was to travel with the Blessed and the Chosen and I assume I'll find someone else to help at a later date. The difference between those journeys and the one with Toya was that I had Kazuo with me.

The three of us moved, and not much happened for several years. Toya visited every shrine on the maps and introduced her self and her ideals to the priests. With each step, Toya seemed to become more refined, more sure of what she wanted. Somehow, I don't believe that her wants were parallel to the wants of the Gods, but I also don't think she cared too much. She was an independent creature, always acting like she felt was proper. Kazuo and I encouraged her, she was doing what felt right to her, and that was all that mattered. I knew a new age was beginning and I knew that Toya was going to initiate it. The only question was how.

Three years after we met her, when she was nineteen and Kazuo was thirty, things started to happen. Very literally, things were still one day and then they became hectic the next.

We were camping somewhere outside the official city boundaries, which basically meant that we were in a tribal zone that nobody in the 'civilized' world wanted to become associated with, in our usual fashion. That is, we all did our routine to set up camp and then we ate and conversed. We talked about the what was happening, what affect we were having already (by the latter 'we' I am referring primarily to Toya and Kazuo, I tried to not have an affect on anyone) and what progress we were making. During these lazy nights, Kazuo would sit on my lap - or if not on my lap, close - and we would enjoy our moments. Toya seemed to understand that our time together was limited and she never invaded our personal space, nor did she seem to mind when we cuddled up together.

As always, I used my magick - which is different from Xeeni magick, but Toya didn't know that - to create a barrier around us and then we went to sleep. We made it a habit to rise early when it was warm so that we could be travelling before the sun became too hot. It was a gorgeous summer evening, I might mention, with a gentle breeze that rustled the trees and kept it at a nice, not-too-hot temperature. It was the same when we woke the following morning. I removed the barrier and we packed and then tacked up, just as we always had. We didn't make it very far before we met a group of tribesmen, four to be exact, sitting patiently in a circle formation. They'd been waiting for us to approach, I knew that straight off, but I didn't know their purpose.

Being the type of person that she is, Toya dismounted and Kazuo and I followed, Kazuo didn't seem too eager. We met them halfway between our mounts and their previous position. They didn't carry weapons, neither did we - well, save my tanken which was hidden under my cloak. I had no intention of using it.

"We are of the Espera, are you the One Prophesized?"

It happened just as quickly as that. The tribesman asked a simple question that changed Toya's ideas and the future of Xeen in a matter of minutes. He was the first one that just knew who she was.

When Toya nodded he continued, "I am Kong Fai, chief of the Furanaé. Welcome, may the Father be with you."

"I am Kaun Yin, chief of the Viiduro. Welcome, may the Mother be with you."

"I am Li Lian, chief of the Murtâo. Welcome, may the Children be with you."

"I am Shen Sying, of the Inoré. Welcome, may the Ancestors be with you."

They bowed formally with their introductions, and my companions were both shocked. These people didn't act like they'd been taught they would.

"I am Dearg, this is the Gods' Priest Kazuo and Toya Toshi, the One Prophesized," I introduced slowly, hoping they wouldn't notice my lack of titles, surname and secondname.

"Our elders have been Seeing you, Honoured One, and we know that you are important to our liberation," Kong Fai began, "and we'd like to implore your help. The Tenshu are getting too powerful, they want land, and they're taking it. They're ruthless killers that do not follow the Gods. They'll take the lands, they've already begun, and get closer and closer to the main cities and then it'll all be over."

Toya looked to me for conformation, and I nodded pensively, "it is true that they have started to build towns and moments. It looks as if they mean to settle. It also looks as if not much is being done to stop them."

"They need to be stopped!" Shen Sying declared. "We have warriors, but even if we were to ally ourselves with the detestable Quitáns there wouldn't be enough of us to overpower the Tenshu. Your cities are even less prepared."

"I'm not fit to lead a military escapade," Toya told them. "I'm willing to help however I can, but I don't know fighting nor do I want to. I'd like to see little or no blood as I do whatever it was I was sent here to do."

"But you will help us?" Li Lian asked hopefully.

Toya, Kazuo and I were introduced to the tribes and she reformed her thesis. By the time she was twenty she had the backing of the four tribes, which was no small feat, and she decided to leave them - and us - for a while to go back to the cities and try and convince the priesthood. By this she meant she was going to the Gods' House, the largest and most influential of all shrines. She'd gained confidence and independence and Kazuo and I knew that she needed some time to work alone. Well, not totally alone, she took a young Inoré by the name of Juni Koor with her - the Inoré (who eventually became the Inoreni) had developed an interesting sword style that Xeen hadn't seen before and Juni Koor was more than able to protect Toya if need arose.

I think this is where I pinpoint my personal downfall. We lived alternately with the tribes, they thought us decent because Toya liked us. We were camping away from the tribes one night, we were to join the Murtâo the next day and wanted some time to ourselves. Selfish we might have been, but we wanted time together. Forever would not have been enough, and an eternity would have been a day too little.

He was lying with his head in my lap and I was gently running a hand through his hair - hair that always seemed to need a haircut - and we were just drifting from topic to topic nonchalantly.

"Do you think it will work out?" he asked suddenly.

"We're all counting on it, but only time will tell."

He gazed at me, reading my expression and prying into my soul. "You're worried."

"I am, if everything fails, all is lost."

"But this is personal now, Dearg. You know it is. You never wanted it to be, but it is."

"Perhaps. Sometimes I fancy myself a normal human with a mortal lifespan. I promised myself that I wouldn't become attached to anyone, but I couldn't resist, Kazuo. I guess that makes me a failure, huh?"

"Not a failure, never a failure."

"I don't know how I can live without you, I don't know how I ever did."

As always when the topic came up, it was dropped immediately. Neither of us liked the idea that one day it'd be different, one day we'd be parted for the rest of eternity.

What happened next is kind of foggy in my mind, like a dream sequence it seems to have been surreal. It took me the longest time to realize that I wasn't victim of Alicorn's trickery, as mortals put it (Alicorn is the Goddess of Dreams and Fantasies). I think I knew all along what'd happened was real, I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

One minute I holding him, we were lazing about the camp, planning to get ready to go at some point or another. There was no rush, not really. And then he screamed. I wanted to know why, I asked him, but all he did was scream. He was hurting and I didn't know why. There was a shadowed figure leering behind a tree carrying a tiny dart-thrower. I launched at him, tanken drawn, and I killed him. There was only one thing going through my mind - I had to save Kazuo. I ran back to him, and pulled the dart out. Immediately I began to Work some magick on him, nothing but saving him mattered. I Worked and Worked, but to no avail. I couldn't Heal him. Of all the things that I could do, I couldn't save my love, my Kazuo, from a dart.

The last words he uttered to me were "I love you, Dearg, forever" and then he was gone from me, forever.

I don't know how long I just sat there holding him in my arms. I felt the warmth seep from him and he grew to be a deathly pale. It wasn't meant to happen like that! I was going to find a way to stay with him for the rest of my eternity - I'd actually appealed to them. Damnit! He wasn't supposed to leave me so early! It hurt and I hurt. I know in loving him, I broke all the rules. I know it. But he was special, an exception. He was my Kazuo. He taught me to live, he taught me to love.

Eventually I buried him, as was his people's custom, and left a little memorial at the site. The memorial is still there and I still visit it. My return to the city was hard, but I had to tell Toya. She'd grown fond of Kazuo, who taught he most of what she knew. I found her an Juni fairly easily, it wasn't as if they were trying to hide from me. Toya broke down at the news. Kazuo was the first causality of the war, a war that hadn't officially started, and he was her friend. Sure, Toya knew what death was, she'd lost her entire family, and she knew that more deaths were going to come, but I guess she expected that Kazuo was going to be there with her as she lead her movement. I guess we all did. Juni was quite surprised as well. Kazuo had become a symbol of the Gods to his people, just as Toya had.

Toya was worried about me, too. From the moment she met Kazuo and me she hadn't really seen us apart. It was "Dearg and Kazuo" to her. I told her just to stop worrying, it'd all be okay, and we had work to do. It was all a lie, but the façade of wellness needed to pass.

I managed to busy myself so that I didn't have much time to think of my love lost. The events of the next decade whizzed by me. I was there and in the middle of things, well as best as I could be, but I'd lost the will to live. Toya knew I had and she was there for me. Toya always knew something was different about me. I never talked of my childhood, frankly because I didn't have one, or of anything before I met Kazuo. But I always had an answer for everything. I always knew why things were happening. Plus, I never seemed to age, not at all. She never questioned that either. Like Kazuo, I think she thought I was a Godsend there to guide her.

During the war, as it's called, the Espera were Toya's main supporters. A few of the cities followed her as well, mainly because she was against the Tenshu just as they were. The Quitáns remained neutral, though had it not been for the pride and stubbornness, they would have been on Toya's side, and she knew that. Boarders changed and people died, it was like pretty much any war. The Tenshu crept into the cities, often taking them by force and settling themselves down. They gained so much power so quickly. We couldn't stand up to them, not at the rate they were going.

I had no counsel for Toya, I wasn't a military leader and I couldn't think up any strategies. According to her, several Gods had visited her to try and make her do one thing or another, but each meant losing too many people, we both saw that. Toya disliked death almost more than anyone I've ever met. It wasn't as if she was a true pacifist, she couldn't have been, but just one death could affect so many people. In her hatred of death she was a pacifist. People thought that she followed all ideas of the pacifist God Unicorn, and few knew the truth. On top of everything, she hated that many of the people dying were dying for her and what she believed in.

The Initiation of the First Rebirth (as it later became known) was a collection of events that none could have predicted, though I must say I was quite pleased with the outcome. It was a rainy, windy and generally miserable night when the Espera were engaged in a particularly bloody battle against the Tenshu. Toya was standing off to the side, watching in horror as the battle commenced. Juni was there, sword drawn, ready to protect her. The poor man had fallen in love with her and rarely left her side. Toya, unfortunately for him, was in love with her ideals and didn't have time for a lover. I, too, had my tanken drawn to protect Toya if needed. I've always been able to sense when something was going to happen, and I knew that that battle was going to be the end. In the scheme of things, there wasn't too much that set that battle apart from the other battles that'd been fought in the war. Well, nothing except that Toya chose that battle to break down.

The outcome of her break down were so simple yet so complex. She blocked off a space of the land in the shape of her birthmark and set her Espera, the Quitáns and some of the people from the cities to live there. It was a wonderful plan, in theory. In her Creation she did a few things to it asides what I've mentioned, but that's not too important. She separated the fighting tribes. Her motions cost her her life, though. For one reason or another the Gods didn't notice me standing there as They welcomed her into Their circle and gave her a new life as the Forty-Third God, Phoenix.

For a while everything worked out. The Tenshu dominated the lands that weren't Toya's with an iron fist, which brought problems later, and the Quitáns were never quite at home with the rest of the Espera. Problems eventually arose, and those were solved, to a degree. What happened is covered elsewhere.

Time had a talk with me, they did, too. neither party was happy with my actions, especially the ones concerning Kazuo. I turned around and told them it was their own fault for sending me to Xeen in the first place - mainly theirs. They all laughed at me like it was a joke or something. Bloody bastards. None of them had ever really lived, and I did.

I still watched Xeen, like I had before I met Kazuo. I made it a point never to attach myself to anyone. I couldn't go through another heart break. I'll never get over his death, even as I watch the Universe change before my very eyes.

This story doesn't end with the traditional 'happily ever after', partially because it's not really happy and also because it never really ended. For Kazuo and me, yes, but not for happenings in general. Things will keep happening just as Moral will continue its fight against Evil. Some things are meant to be the way that they are. I can offer no comfort or solace, only the wisdom of times past, because that's all that I possess.