Fan Fiction ❯ Friends Trilogy ❯ One-Shot

.:Friends of Love:.

author: Koujo

email: kuraiko@hotmail.com

URL: http://destined.to/koujo

finished: 2001

rated: PG-13

type: original story

pages: 8

disclaimer: None, this is all my own idea. This is my second original story, if you want to read another original by me check out Behind Door Number 216 by Trio.

dedication: To my best friend, Yuki. You're always here for me, now it's time for me to show my appreciation. I hope you like this story.

author notes: I used the names of people I actually know, but that has nothing to do with the plot. Okay. I'm just horrible at picking names, plus I love the names Yuki and Koujo. My previous writing name was Trio. I will still write as Trio, but certain fics will be under this name. Enjoy! ^_^ Oh, and I've incorporated a lot of my life into this fic so you're learning a lot about me. Some of my Japanese sentences may be wrong, I'm still learning the language. And remember this is fiction (false), made for enjoyment. Not true to the 'T.'

Who knows how long the phone has been ringing. All I did was lay there on my futon and listen. I didn't want to get up and answer the phone that I rarely used anyway. I'm not a phone person, nor am I a social person. I rarely speak and I pretty much loath the idea of taking a place in social society. The ringing makes me think about the people I actually talk to. The ringing is also extremely annoying to listen to, I do my best to tune it out, but I find myself thinking about my lack of socialism again.

To me being talkative is reserved for those I love. And I don't love many people. In fact, I can really only think of a few people I can say I love wholeheartedly; one, is my Grandmother. My father's mother. My teacher in the arts and the one person who stood by me in my childhood. She always tried to be there for me. Always. She was my light in the darkness of my life. Another is my best friend, Yuki.

Yuki is my lover, a ancient Roman term for an eternal friend. She knows me like no one else knows me. She knows what I am feeling when I keep my feelings all bottled up. She knows what to say when I am blue, she knows when to leave me alone and when to be with me. We met when we were teenagers; I was 16 and she was 17. Only a few months older than I, but maturity wise I am far older then her and probably always will be. That is my curse, but before I could finish my thoughts that damn phone broke my concentration and brought me back to the physical world.

I blink my eyes and scan my cramped dorm room. I am in my last year of college, thank my lucky stars for that. My college experience was hell, all the parties and required social contact nearly drove me insane, thank god I have Yuki. Yuki doesn't live in Nevada with me, no she is in Japan. In Tokyo. She moved there when she graduated college, like I will this year. When we were younger we made a deal that when we graduated college we'd moved to Tokyo together and live out our lives there. It is our dream. And a dream that is quickly becoming reality.

I sigh as I lean over to pick up the phone. "Moshi moshi," a Japanese phone-greeting, "this is room 216. If you're looking for Meagan she's out with her boyfriend." I talk as though it's a chore to be alive and maybe it is. I don't know. All I know is I want to graduate and get away from all this.

"Koujo?" the voice is shaky and nervous. "Koujo, is that you?"

It only takes me a moment to realize who's calling. This person would never call for my roommate. She only calls for me. She is the one that knew me for over 7 years. She is my Yuki. My words choke me and I suddenly can't breathe right. "Yuki?" I manage to spit out. I hear Yuki sigh in relief. I can't believe she's calling me, she hates the phone almost or as much as I do. Her sigh is followed by a soft laugh, to me it sounds like the ocean. Soft serene waves washing up on to a diamond beach. Everything about her is pleasant and calm.

I suddenly think something is wrong, only because of the fact that Yuki would never call unless something was wrong. Hit with this realization I speak quickly to her, "Yuki! Is something wrong? Are you okay? Do you need me to fly to Tokyo? I can you know... I can get on the next flight and-" Yuki stops my mindless chatter. My voice sounded stupid to me, it sounded weak and, well, stupid. I couldn't believe I could sound so jerky and unsure of her. Almost like I didn't trust her or felt she wouldn't tell me if something was wrong.

"Koujo-sama," her use of that term startled me, sama is used to rank the other person as better than you are, she continued, "my Koujo, you should know by now that if I had bad news I would say 'Sarah, I need your help.' But everything is fine, really. I just wanted to know when your graduation is so I can come and help you pack. I can't wait for you to come to Tokyo, we can finally make our dream come true. We'll grow old together here in Japan, just like we always wanted."

When we first met we nicknamed each other. She named me Koujo and I named her Yuki, her true name is Casey. The name Casey is Irish in origin and means bravery or courage. And Casey is my courage. She is brave for me, when I can't be brave for myself. She is my sight when I cannot see. My true name, Sarah, is Hebrew in origin and means princess. Our nicknames mirror our true names. Yuki is Japanese for bravery and Koujo means princess.

A smile plasters itself on my face as I talk to her again, "Yuki, you don't need to spend that kind of money just to help me pack, besides I'm nearly finished. I don't have to worry about selling an apartment like you did. And I don't own anything really, besides I've already sent a lot of my possessions to you already, which reminds me. Did you get the boxes yet?" My voice is back to it's normal tone. Strong yet always paranoid. I've always been a very paranoid person. I never knew why, just am.

"Oh," her one word answer makes me wonder if I hurt her feelings. Had I said something wrong? Her voice was small and soft. Like a mouse trying not to be heard by the cat next to its hole. All it wants is the cheese, but not at the expense of its life. She made me feel like the cat, just waiting to have a nice mouse snack. The silence that follows is unnerving, needless to say when my roommate entered our dorm rather loudly I was frightened. Not by the person but by the noise that always follows her.

Meagan is an odd girl. Noisy is an understatement. No word that deals with noise would be a fitting word to use, she is that loud. Nothing like Yuki or me. Meagan is a party animal that would have sex with a dog if paid. A true Nevadian. Lust and money, that best describes Las Vegas people. I despise them. Cheaters all of them. If one of them had half a brain they still wouldn't have enough intelligence to bake a cake.

I don't know how long we sat there in silence, but our silence said so much. That is one of the neat things about our friendship, we talk our best when we are silent. Our silence is filled with so many words that it no longer seems silent but an onslaught of sentences and emotions. After a few minutes I decide this is stupid, I decide to say something, anything. "Yuki, I should go now. I have class in an hour and I want to study a bit before I go." I don't really want to study, in fact I don't even have classes today. I just want to stop this perpetuating silence.

I hear her cough, but not a real cough. It was one of those fake coughs the doctors asks you to do when he listens to your lungs and heart. It's hollow and dull, not like a real cough that is deep and sharp. She clears her throat and starts talking again, "Koujo, I did get your boxes. I unpacked them already. I gave you the lake-side room, is that okay? If not I can give you my room next to the driveway. Both are nice rooms."

"I'll take whichever one you don't want, Yuki," I'm surprised she didn't automatically give me the street-side room. I know she loves the view of the lake from "my" room. I remember when Yuki sent me the

brochures of all the different houses she liked. She sent two brochures at a time, the first were of a condo and an apartment. The condo was on the outskirts of Tokyo, and the apartment was right in the middle of Tokyo. Both I didn't like, the condo was too far from Tokyo and the apartment was too close to the city. It would be too loud at night, we'd never get any sleep. The next two that came were of houses; the first was next to a highway and the other was next to a school. Again I didn't like either. I didn't want to hear cars on the highway all day and night and I didn't want to hear students come and go from school either.

About a week after I received the house brochures I got a letter from Yuki with another brochure of a house. The house was lake-side and two of the rooms had rice paper walls. It had a traditional water fountain and a creek in the backyard. The landscaping of the house was gorgeous. It was breathtaking. I had never seen such a beautiful house. I remember I immediately picked up the phone and called the hotel in Japan where Yuki was staying. The phone rang twice before the woman picked up and said, 'O-hayo gozaimasu, chotto o-machi kudasai.' She told me, 'Good morning, one moment please,' and then put me on hold. I was on hold a good 15 minutes when she came back and started speaking to me, again in Japanese, "Gomen nasai, te wo kashimasho ka." Japanese people are always very polite, this woman was no different by first asking for forgiveness 'gomen nasai' then asking if she could help me 'te wo kashimasho ka.'

I responded by saying, "Hai, namae wa ishida koujo desu oyobi watakushi wo heya jugo hitsuyo to suru dozo." I had hoped I asked her right, I hadn't used my Japanese in such a long time, I was attempting to say, 'Yes, my name is Koujo Ishida and I need room 15 please,' now whether or not she truly understood I'll never know.

She never talked again, I heard only the ring of a room. After a few rings I heard another woman's voice say, "Hello? Who is this?"

I wasted no time, "Yuki-chan, I got your letter and the brochure of the house by the lake. It's perfect!"

"Good, I'll go buy it before someone else does, I'm so happy you like it. I was hoping you'd like this one, I think it's lovely. Just wait till you see it!" And that's how we got our traditional Japanese home, with the rice paper rooms. Since those rooms are too cold to be bedrooms, we put Yuki's martial arts equipment in one and set up my desk and library in the other.

Yuki fell silent, probably not wanting to get into an argument over whom the room should belong to. Or who deserves to have it and who doesn't. Not that I blame her, I'd hate to get into a fight. But she began to talk after I sighed rather loudly, "Ummm, Koujo I wanted you to have the lake-side room. I think it'd be better if you had it. And both the rooms are the same size, originally the house had four bedrooms, but the previous owners never had children to occupy the rooms so they knocked down the extra walls and made two large bedrooms. I like the openness of the rooms. There's lots of room to store anime and manga too. And you know that's always a plus."

When Yuki and I where in our teens we began to collect Japanese anime, which are Japanese animated movies, and manga, a Japanese version of American comics. Both of us have quite large collections of both. I even had the luck to buy a copy of Akira, which is supposedly the best anime ever created and also the most rare. Even so, my favorite anime was Vampire Princess Miyu, a story of a girl whose life is flipped upside down when her vampiric heritage comes to life, changing her from a normal girl to a vampire. However, my all-time favorite anime and manga series was that of the Gundam saga. The futuristic plot and complex characters of Gundam Wing have kept me interested since I was in my mid-teens.

I smile and again try to say my good byes to her, "Yuki, I'm sorry but I really have to go. I lied before, I don't have classes today, but I do have my Japanese Language Meeting in an hour and I need to get all of my shit together. I'll see you soon, oh and my graduation is in a month. Ja." I wait to hang up till I hear Yuki respond with an 'okay' and a 'ja.' Ja is short for Ja ne, which is Japanese for good bye. Ja is like saying bye, while Ja ne is far more formal and polite.

The room suddenly feels cold and empty. I look over at Meagen, she's fast asleep. Her soft snoring sounding like nothing more than a baby bird cooing itself to dreamland. I never understood how people could sleep in the middle of the day, it never made any sense to me. Never. I sigh and resistibly drag myself off my futon. I sigh again as I stand and look down at my now empty bed. I bend down and roll it up, then with my futon in my arms I walk to my closet and place it in the closet's corner space that I reserved for myself. I gave the whole closet to Meagen, but told her I only needed this one corner for my futon. She laughed at me and agreed happily.

The weeks that followed passed by extremely fast and before I knew it my graduation was over and I was in my dorm room packing up the remainder of my belongings. Meagen had left for New York last week. The parting, for her, was sad. She actually cried; I couldn't believe it! We never said more then two words to each other, and she said that she felt like she was loosing a sister. Now maybe she doesn't speak with her sisters or maybe she's just never housed with another woman so she grew attached in a sisterly sort of way, but whatever the reason she was alone on the sisterly feelings. I was relieved to get rid of her. Her late night sex fests and drunken parties are things I'll never miss nor forget.

As I look out my window I don't see the campus parking lot, but the foreign land of Tokyo. A slight smile claims my lips and makes my spirits lift. Soon, so very soon. I had called Yuki the night before to tell her my flight times. As well as my gate and flight number, I could hear her scratching the information down on a piece of paper as I fed it to her. She was so excited last night, she didn't want to hang up.

I turn back to my half-filled suitcase and wonder if I have everything. I check all the desk drawers and the closet. I had packed my futon into a box, the box lay next to my suitcase on what was once Meagan's bed. All the drawers are clear as well as under the bed and floor. "I guess that's it, not much," I breath as I get up from the floor. The room's door stood open, but it doesn't bother me because most of the dorm's occupants had already left or were too busy packing to make much noise. I walk up to my suitcase and fold over the top and zip it up. I smile lovingly at it, it's the last evidence of my time in America. As soon as I step foot on that plane, I would no longer be a citizen of the United States of America, but of Japan. I had my citizenship changed two months before graduation.

I check the postage on the box containing my futon, making sure there is enough to get my precious futon to Tokyo. My suitcase is small and yet still almost empty. I don't mind though, I am pleased with its lightness. I hear the dorm mailman calling for any last minute letters or packages, I run to the doorway and stick my head out and call out to him. The mailman is an elderly man, in his late 50s or even 60s. His hair, what was left of it, is a silvery white but he is in extremely good shape for a man his age, whatever that may be. He smiles as he retrieves the package from the bed. He doesn't say a word to why it's so light or even to ask why it's addressed to some place in a whole other country. He just smiles.

I don't smile back, if anything I wish he'd hurry up and just take the box so I could leave as well. He stands in my dorm like he's expecting something, he licks his lips which are parched. As the seconds pass he looses his smile, but still stands there waiting, watching. "Yes," I inquire rather rudely. My tone is not at all friendly, but irritated like I am. He just blinks, shocked maybe that I'm so short with him. "What do you want? A tip or something? If that's the case, I'm sorry but I'm short on cash." He only looks at me, then without any warning he leaves. My box, containing my futon, under his arm. My brow crunches as I try to understand what had just happened.

I hear an alarm go off and a mechanical voice reads the time, "It is now," it pauses, "12:54 PM." I curse softly as I realize I need to be at the airport in an half hour. I pick up my suitcase, fish the dorm key out of my pocket and throw it on the empty bed, and head out of the room. I don't close the door, just leave. The RA, resident advisor, has to check all the empty dorm rooms anyway so he asked us all to just leave our doors open for him. So I did as requested.

I open the taxi door letting the crisp summer's air hit me in the face. The day was hot, near the 110s, but the air was dry making the heat livable. I fish in my pockets looking for the driver's fee and two dollar tip. Of course, I always misplace these things in the most convenient places. Sarcasm is such a magnificent talent to possess. My money was stashed in my back pocket. I extract the twenty and give it to the driver, who smiles and mumbles some sort of grateful approval of the tip, which turnes out to be far more then I planned. But with my time in America coming to an end I suddenly don't care if I gave a simple taxi driver a ten dollar tip.

I step out of the car, hauling my one small bag with me. All my things had been shipped off to Yuki long ago. All I have are my day-to-day possessions like make up, a hair-dryer, clean under garments, and my Kyoko Mori novels. I close the taxi door just a little too hard, by my standards, making the car sway.

I probably look like a tourist with my bag in one hand, and wearing a white tank-top that shows almost everything I possess, and shorts that are probably a little too short to wear in public. My hair was short, about chin length, and layered so it was fluffy and boy was it soft. I ran my fingers through my hair, fluffing it even more. My make up was simple enough, natural colors: no blush or mascara, tan colored eye shadow, and no lipstick only Blistex.

As I check in at the counter the attendant seems confused asking, "There seems to be a problem Miss Ishida. It shows that your flight to Tokyo is one-way."

I interrupt her before she can continue on about the supposed "error." I talk to her as though her concern in my flight schedule is something to get overly angry about. "Well Miss, there is no error here. I'm moving to Tokyo. Please just check me in and give me my ticket so I can be on my way and stop holding up all these people. Thank you." She looks at me funny, like I just said the dumbest thing in the entire history of dumb things to say. I don't make eye contact with her as she silently finishes checking me in and hands me my ticket. Before I leave she tells me to have a nice flight.

I grin uncontrollably as I near my gate. I am almost there. It would be about a twelve hour flight from Las Vegas, Nevada to Tokyo, Japan and I couldn't wait. My Yuki is so close now, our dream is in reach. I could almost see Tokyo in my mind, I had never been out of the country before but I could still see Tokyo right in my view. I'm not scared about leaving. If anything I am too excited to conceal my joy.

The flight was extremely exhausting. I read for the first seven hours, but after that I couldn't read another word. I try to get some sleep and for once I am successful. I'm not the type of person who can sleep on a plane. I sleep for a good two hours, upon waking I decide to read some more. I read till the plane lands and people are getting off. I am polite and patient, waiting for almost all the other people to get off first. Inside I just want to tear through them, but outside I am calm and composed. I have waited years for this, what's another few minutes?

I am at the back of the line. My smile seems to be infectious because all the people that look at me mirror my grin. Most of the people on the plane are orientals, a few Americans, and a woman who looks like she came from a shit hole. Her hair is probably a pretty red, but the dirt and fungus in it makes the red turn to a dark brown. Almost black. She smells awful. I feel so sorry for the man who had to sit by her. He is a clean cut man, wearing a fancy suit and Rolex. He looks disgusted with the woman, not that I can blame him. I do my best not the touch the woman, I don't want to smell or be dirty like her.

I finally make it off the plane, and I find myself hoping that that would be the last plane ride I would ever take. I never want to step foot on an airplane for as long as I live! I sigh, it's hot. The temperature is probably only in the 80s, but the humidity makes the heat sticky. Now I am very grateful my bag is so light. I start to walk forward, looking for Yuki. Or a sign with my name on it. But I find nothing. I begin to fear that she has forgotten, or couldn't find me. Or she left me on purpose.

But then I see her. My worries and fears melt away. I sigh and walk faster towards her. As I get closure I see another woman with her. The woman looks familiar, but I can't place where I've seen her before. I stare at her as I walk, my brain beginning to hurt from the strain. Then it clicks! It's Mizuko! Another

one of my friends. Mizuko had long black hair tied into two long braids. She looked like a child still, but she is a woman of 20. I forgot that Mizuko was thinking of transferring to the University of Tokyo.

Mizuko spots me and runs towards me, as she reaches me she flings her arms around my neck and hugs me tightly. I smile, but not just any smile; a smile that a mother would give a daughter. I have always felt that I needed to protect Mizuko, and so I sometimes feel like a mother to her. I don't know if she ever knew this, but I did. I give her my best motherly smile. She buries her eyes into my shoulder and I can feel her tears on my bare skin. Her tears are cool on my skin. I bring my free hand up and pet her hair. I greet her, "My goodness Mizuko, you've grown so much since I last saw you."

She continues to cry, I can tell she is trying to control herself, but is failing miserably. She raises her head to speak, but her words strain, "Oh Koujo, I can't believe you're finally here! I've missed you so much!" With her words out she again buries her eyes in my shoulder. Her arms tightening just a tad. She holds me as if if she let me go I'd vanish.

I smile again. But then realize I haven't greeted Yuki. I find her standing a little away, grinning widely. She is wearing a black shirt and white jeans. She takes a step forward and says, "Fancy meeting you here."

We laugh, that must have been all she needed because after those words she too was holding me. Between the two of them I'm sure they could've suffocated me. But I don't mind the strain on my lungs, because I love these women, they are my life. My everything. I knew Mizuko a little longer than Yuki, but love them equally. I wasn't expecting Mizuko, only because the last I heard she was only thinking of transferring colleges. She hadn't told me she actually moved. But now I know and I am thrilled.

A month has passed, and Mizuko tries to make frequent visits but her schooling gets in the way of our being together. I don't mind to much. Besides I'm not going anywhere and either is she. During that month I had seen much of Tokyo and had learned a lot of the streets around the house. I don't have a job yet, I am still trying to settle in. Yuki has a job and works most of the time. I don't see much of her either. And that depresses me. After all I moved to Japan to be with her, not to be without her. I want to be with her all the time, I know that that is a stupid request only because it isn't practical. There is no way I could spend every waking hour with her, she has work and I have nothing. I know I have to get a job so I can help with the bills.

I've begun to look for publishers. After all I am a writer. I'm still working on my novel. My first. I'm taking it slow, I want it to be perfect. I want it to be on the top of the Best Sellers List. I want it to be a classic in its own time. I want perfection in every way. I don't want so much the fame, just the satisfaction of knowing I wrote a book that the world loves. That I have succeeded and reached my dream and become a famous writer. Already I have many short stories published, just enough to give me a name in the literary world. I am a writer and I had the privilege to meet Stephen King a year ago. It was great! Such an interesting man.

The house had turned into an anime and manga universe. All the walls are littered with posters, the book shelves with manga, the movie cabinets full with anime. We have an almost complete set of anime and manga. We watch anime every Saturday, it has become a tradition. I've started writing in a journal, I don't know why, just have. I fill it with all my deepest darkest secrets, so secret that I haven't even told Yuki... they are mainly secrets about her. How I feel about her. I have changed since I moved here, I became... lustful. But not for a man... for her. My love. My Yuki.

As I sit at my desk and write in my journal, all my fantasies about her, I hear movement behind me, but I don't look to see what it is, the floors are covered with soft over carpets and often make noise, why I don't know. But as I write I'm surprised to all hell as arms come around me and tighten. I scream, I think "Oh god I'm in danger! Yuki help!" But I hear laughing and look to see it is Yuki holding me. I breath a sigh of relief and say, "Dear god Yuki, you scared the shit out of me!" She laughs again.

"Gomen, Koujo. I couldn't help myself," she smiles at me and my heart melts. She is an angel. My angel. She leans over and picks up my journal, "What are you writing now? A princess in distress? A dragon? Destructive gods? Vampires? Or an anime based story?" Her eyes start to read the sentences.

I panic. I grab the journal from her and scream at her, "God damn it! Yuki this is my private journal, don't you ever read from it! You... you... you... you jerk!" I spit the word out, then turn and leave. I don't wait to see her reaction. But I can hear her start to cry. I stop for a moment, struggling to decide if I should go back and apologize or go forward and leave my anger there. I can't decide. I just stand there. Yuki crying, me outraged.

I hear a soft voice choke out, "Koujo, please I'm sorry. I... I..." She broke down into wild sobs and my heart sank. I caused her to weep. I betrayed her... I had once told her that I would never make her cry. I had read once that it's true love when only the one who can make you cry is the one you love. Maybe I have true love with Yuki, or maybe I had just simply made her cry with my harsh words. I don't know and I don't want to know the truth. She speaks again, "I'm sorry. I didn't know you..." My heart races, had she read my journal to the point where I rant about her beauty and how much I wanted her? "... loved me so much. Koujo, please don't be angry. If I hadn't read it, I wouldn't have ever known the truth."

I turn to face her, her eyes are red and puffy. Her irony skin has paled and tear tracks were evident. I close my eyes and a tear escapes my eye. I look up at her and say, "Yuki, I have always loved you... but as I've been here with you that friendly love bloomed into lust and a love of lovers, not friends. I'm sorry you had to find out, I had hoped to never let you know because I never wanted to loose you. But now I have failed and so I must now say good-bye." I turn and walk away. I can hear her softly cry out my name, begging me to return to her. But I can't. My heart lay in ruins. Shredded, sliced, chopped, diced, minced, pureed, and liquefied.

I spent the week at a friend's house, when I came with my duffle bag he questioned why, I told him that I had a fight with Yuki and needed a place to stay till it all blew over. He agreed, his smile had made me feel right at home. "You know Koujo, you should really talk to Yuki. She's called everyday for the past week and every time you say you're too busy to talk. There's something up and I plan to make you tell me." He watches me with a loving eye and I wonder if he fancies me.

I looked up from my current short story and say, "Do you like me?" He looks at me weird and smiles. He laughs a little then walks out of the room. He later returns with a rose in his hand, he has several rose bushes, this flower was a pinkish orange.

"Koujo, you are like this rose. Beautiful, but when touched you hurt the one who dares lay a finger upon you. You are lovely, but dangerous," he smiles and hands me the rose. I take it and smell its pleasant fragrance.

"You know Matsuyoko, you are a wonder to me. I love it." I admit. Yes, I like Matsuyoko, but not in the way I like Yuki. Yes, I could make love to him. That is not a problem, but I feel guilty about it. If I have sex with Matsuyoko, I am betraying Yuki yet again. Matsuyoko kisses me; his hands on my arms. He is a great kisser, I admit. But he is not Yuki. Yet at this moment I don't care. His hands slide up my arms and encased my lower back and neck, bringing me closer to him... he wants me I realize. I stand up from the desk and he brings me closer still. He is warm and I find that I am dizzy. His kiss had drugged me and suddenly I want him too.

We stop for a moment and he says, "Is this okay Koujo? I don't want to mess up our friendship."

"Just as long it doesn't happen regularly," I say, my voice a little shaky, I had just told Matsuyoko that I wanted to have a one night stand with him and he doesn't mind. And so he took me there, on the desk, my writing under me. I have never known such ecstasy, and yet I feel dirty from the lustful game I play with Matsuyoko.

As we finish, he says in a low voice, probably not wanting me to hear but I did, "I love you." I don't respond, only because I do think he doesn't want me to hear. The funny thing is that Yuki calls only minutes after we spent ourselves. I decide that now is the time to end this quarrel. I pick up the phone, looking at Matsuyoko, he looks sad, "Hello, Yuki. Look before you say a thing I just want to say one thing, I don't think you're a jerk and I want you to please forgive me for calling you such a horrific name. I'm sorry." I don't apologize about anything else only because I feel I don't need to.

Yuki's voice was shaking as she spoke to me, "Koujo, I'm sorry too. I never meant to hurt you. Please come back to me. I miss you so much. It's like living without my heart. I feel incomplete." My breath catches in my throat. Is she saying she is incomplete without me? My heart leaps.

I hang up the phone and gather up my stuff. Matsuyoko watches me, not saying a thing. As I got ready to exit, I go to him and kiss him passionately. Our tongues dance to the song of love, a song that is sacred and everlasting. I look him in the eyes and say, "I have to go back to her. Thank you for everything, I'll never forget it." I kiss him on the cheek and leave.

He says, "Good luck, Koujo. I know you guys will be happy together."

I knock three times on the door, I don't feel comfortable just walking in, even though it is my own house. I wait a few minutes till Yuki comes and answers the door. Her eyes light up in surprise as she sees me. I smile a weak smile for her. She sighs and throws her arms around me and to my surprise her lips brush mine. It was only a slight kiss, one that a teenager gives his first girlfriend. She backs away and hangs her head low. I step up to her and lift her chin with my hand.

I look deeply into her eyes and see only love. I say, "Yuki, I..."

But she stops me with another kiss, this one more passionate, she was growing more confident. She said after we broke the kiss, "Koujo, I have been waiting for this a long time. I too love you. My feelings too have grown to a love of lovers. Please take me in your heart and never let me go." She said it almost as a beg. And I smile to her. Her eyes sparkling.

This time I kiss her. My lips press hard against hers. She sighs and puts one of her hands on my stomach. I don't exactly know why, but in a few moments she shows me why; she began to move her hand to my breasts. I gasp and pull away as she cups my right breast. She is being very direct, I grin. She grins evilly and at that moment I knew no man would ever be able to please me. Only Yuki could. I have handed over my heart, soul, and body. She is my lover now. I am complete. All is over. All is complete. Destiny has shinned upon me and given me my angel. I am in heaven now and forever.

My dreams have come to an end. And as they say in fairy tales; they lived happily ever after.

.:Beyond the Grave:.

author: Koujo

email: kuraiko@hotmail.com

URL: http://destined.to/koujo

finished: 2001

rated: PG-13

type: original story

pages: 5

disclaimer: None, this is all my own idea. This is my third original story, if you want to read the other original stories by me check out Behind Door Number 216 and Friends of Love.

dedication: To my best friend, Yuki. This story is for you. I hope you like it as much as you liked Friends of Love. You're the best and I hope you'll always be with me. This story is also dedicated to all those you loved Friends of Love and wanted to see that story's characters back for another round: Kei-chan and Mizuko, this is also for you both.

author notes: This story is a sequel to Friends of Love. This story will star the characters from Friends of Love, in other words Koujo, Yuki, Mizuko, and Matsuyoko are back! Again this story is fiction (false), not a completely true story. I used the names of people I know, but that has nothing to do with the plot. I've incorporated parts of my life (and the lives of others) into this fic so you're learning a lot about me (and others). All my Japanese sentence should be right.

I thought that I had found true happiness, but as usual life won't let you be happy for very long. Yuki and I had finally come to terms with our love. We had a love that was more precious then any lustful relationship. We loved each other because of who we were, not for the sex. In fact, we only gave ourselves to each other a few times. I won't deny that it was magical, it's just that we loved each other too much to have sex regularly.

We knew that our friends would be totally shocked about our love, so we kept it a secret. We showed our love only in private. Only one of our friends knew and the ordeal nearly cost us her friendship, she just didn't want to believe it was true her best friends were more then what they should be as friends. That they were... well, yuri as the Japanese called it. Butchies by Hawaiian terms. And of course the Americans called them lesbians, but to Yuki and I we were just, well... lovers. We were who we were. To us we were friends first, lovers second.

But that didn't change the fact that Mizuko was crushed when she found out. It was a rainy day and I was at my desk typing up a new short story as I usually did on rainy days. Mizuko was sleeping in since her flight came in at 1am that morning. Yuki was in her training room practicing her martial arts. It was a perfect day, and the words flowed beautifully as they usually did when Yuki was practicing her art. I learned that I write better with her in the other room doing her kata.

I had nearly completed the story when I hard a sigh come from the other room. I looked up from my computer and saw Yuki standing there staring at me. I smiled at her, but she kept staring. I wondered what was wrong, "Yuki, daijoubo desu ka?" I asked her plainly if she was all right.

Yuki answered in a cloudy voice, "Hai, daijoubo." I was relieved that she was all right, but was curious to why she kept staring at me. She hadn't blinked once since I noticed her. I tried to smile, but a smile wouldn't come. Yuki sighed again then entered my writing room.

The room itself was nothing special. I had a futon laid out in the corner, for the many nights I fall asleep at my desk. Yuki or Matsuyoko would carry me to the futon and lay me down to sleep more comfortably. The walls were all made of rice paper so I couldn't hang paintings, but even if I could I wouldn't. I don't like my places of work to be clustered with paintings or useless objects. My room had a wood floor with a tatami mat over it. The desk was simple: a computer and a place to store my disks. The disks hold all my stories dating back to 1999, 12 years ago.

In the four years Yuki and I lived in Japan, we never once tried to redecorate our rooms. Our two rice paper rooms looked the same as the first day we moved in. Yuki's martial arts room had more belongings in it than mine, but I didn't mind, I liked my room spacious.

Yuki walked behind my chair and draped her arms around my neck. She breathed in my scent and smiled. I knew she was smiling because I could feel her cheek muscles on my own cheek. A small giggle rose from her throat, like a tiny mouse laughing at a big dumb cat. Resting her head on my shoulder Yuki began to read the words on the computer screen. "Taitoru: Ai ni Mamoranete; sakusa: Ishida Koujo; what's it about Koujo-sama?" Yuki had read the title then the author's name.

I looked at the screen and thought, "Title: Under Love's Wing; author: Koujo Ishida. Is that my name now?" I must have been thinking for awhile because Yuki had sighed again and stood up. I turned my chair around and looked at her. I smiled slightly, amazed by her beauty. To me she is the most beautiful creature ever created. I shake my head to clear my thought then answer her question, "It's about two friends that find love."

"Oh, kinda like us?" Her question startled me, I hadn't expected her to say that. If anything I thought she would want to know more. I look at the floor and wonder what to say. To my surprise Yuki kneels in front of me and raises my head tenderly with her fingers. She's smiling I see, then she kisses me. I wrap an arm around her and deepened our kiss. When we kiss the world melts away and there is only the two of us. Us and our love.

But our kiss was not to be long, a sudden gasp and cry brought us back to the physical world. Both our heads snapped to the side to see Mizuko in her pajamas staring at us not wanting to believe what she saw. When Yuki tried to take her hand Mizuko retracted it quickly then turned and ran away. After a month of trying to talk to her, Yuki and I finally pinned her down and told her that we loved each other, but didn't want her to be hurt by it. We told her that it doesn't change anything, we still loved her like a daughter. It took time, but she finally came to terms with the love between her friends.

That was just a few months ago. As I walk through this cold empty house I am reminded of her. The way she cooked, cleaned, or just plain warmed the house with her love. I may have only had her for a short time, but that time will remain in my heart forever. Yuki was not to be with me forever like we planned, but in a way she will always be with me. I will love her from beyond the grave. She may not walk around this house and cheer it up, but she still wanders in my heart cheering it up.

However, most of the time the thought of her gone is too much to bear and I crumple to the ground. Her lose was... unfair. I can still remember her calling me to meals. "Koujo-sama! Koujo! Come on it's time for breakfast," she called as she walked to my room. Yuki slammed the door open and jumped on my bed, jolting me awake. Laughing I would kiss her. She then repeated herself, "Koujo, love it's time for breakfast. I made your favorite American meal: pancakes, ham, hash browns and scrambled eggs. Come on, let's go eat." She smiled cutely as she left my room, giving me some time to dress.

I slipped on my morning kimono and walked clumsily to the table. As usual the meal would already be served and Yuki would be seated waiting for me to join her. Every morning before I sat to eat I would kiss the top of her head then sit, today was no different. Except as I bent to kiss her head she looked back and our lips met. I stood there for a moment, enjoying the feel of her lips on mine. Once separated I sat and hungrily ate her delicious breakfast.

After breakfast I ran to shower and cleaned myself up for a day at work. During the week I worked for a computer company, making programs or whatever the company needed. It was a fine job and paid very well. Yuki worked as a waitress at a near by diner. At lunch break I would go to her diner and she would serve me. Often her break came up about the time I finished eating, we would sneak into the alley and kiss. Or just spend what time we could together.

After lunch was over and I had said my good byes to Yuki I went back to work. I worked late most nights, not coming home in time for a nice dinner with Yuki, my love. However, whenever I got off work early I brought Matsuyoko home with me. He lived only another block over so it was no big deal. Yuki would cook up a feast, naturally I would help. Matsuyoko tried to help, but being women and in Japan that was unheard of. Men never cooked or cleaned, that was the wife's job. We would sit him at the kitchen table and serve him tea. As Yuki and I cooked we would talk about our day at work.

Matsuyoko and I worked hand-in-hand at the company so our days were the same. But I loved hearing about the interesting people that came to Yuki's diner. We would sit and gossip for awhile then serve dinner, after dinner we would gossip a little more and Matsuyoko would excuse himself and head home, thanking us for a good meal and lovely night. Sometimes Yuki and I walked him home, we loved to walk late at night. We were both night owls, we loved the blackness of the night. It was so romantic, so beautiful.

Even though we were lovers we slept in different beds, unless we wanted to sleep together or on rare occasions make love. When we slept together we would fall asleep holding each other and in the morning wake in the same position we fell asleep in. I love it when we slept together, I usually was awake before her and I loved waking her up. I would lean over her ear and whisper sweet nothings. Yuki would stir slowly, smiling.

Sometimes I still can't believe that I will never again sleep, kiss, or hold my precious Yuki-san. It hurts more than anyone could ever know. It's weird how everything can change in a blink of an eye. But I remember the day my love was taken from me, I remember and will always remember it as it was yesterday. Or rather today. The day had started like any other...

"Koujo, get your lazy ass out of bed! You're going to be late for work if you don't get up now!" Yuki stomped to my room, opened the door harshly and flew on to my bed. I jolted upright and groaned. Despite herself Yuki laughed. I must had looked funny with my little blue pajamas and my hair sticking up at funny angles. "Why do you make me wake you up every day?" Yuki's voice isn't mad, it's soft and gentle like an ocean wave sweeping up onto a diamond beach.

I shake my head not knowing what to say. I guess I didn't need to for Yuki got up and left. I changed into my morning kimono, it was one of my favorite kimonos. The kimono's pattern was of baby blue bamboo leaves. The kimono's borders were baby blue too. Before I left for breakfast I looked around my room. My gaze was taken by a small object on the floor, I leaned over and grabbed at the object pulling it from under my bed. I was surprised at the small black and white stuffed animal. "How did you get down there, Fuku?" I wondered. Fuku was a small panda bear Yuki had given my on my birthday. But what made this panda so special was that it was the first birthday gift I ever got from my Yuki. It was given to me on my 17th birthday, when I still lived in America. And when my name wasn't Koujo Ishida. Fuku looked ragged now, being so old. I guess it's kind of funny keeping a 10 year old panda around, but I just can't part with it. I smile at the little bear then set it on my bed.

I turn around and walk to the kitchen knowing Yuki would be waiting for me, she never started eating without me and I didn't want to keep her waiting too long. I came into the kitchen and sure enough there was my beautiful Yuki sitting patiently at the table, the food already set out getting cold in my absence. I walk to Yuki slowly and kiss her head then her cheek and sit.

After breakfast I take a quick shower then dress for a calm day at work. I just pulled on my shirt when Yuki walked into my room. I smile at her and she says, "Damn I missed the show."

I laugh with her, and retort, "You can have a show anytime you want it." Her laughter grows at my remark. I love to watch her laugh, she looks so radiant. Her eyes squint and her lips pulse making her laugh even more lovely to hear. Once her laughter subsides a little I ask, "Does this look okay? I have a meeting with my boss today so I want to look extra nice."

Yuki looks me over, walking closer she puts her hand on my shoulder and kisses me. I take in her scent and know she is doing the same. We breath each other in. "You look wonderful, like always."

I sigh, "Do you work today?"

"No, but I will be going window shopping. I might buy a few things, perhaps a new tatami mat for your writing room or maybe a gi for you. I know you want to learn marital arts, I could start training you now." I look over at her, her eyes portray her in deep thought. I smile even though she wouldn't see it. She continues after a few moments of silent thinking, "Then I'll come home and clean a little, the kitchen needs to be washed down. I might even do a little gardening. Or I might read a book and cook dinner, sound okay?" She looks me right in the eyes. I nod yes. She softly smiles and adds, "I love you." I smile and kiss her briefly. I wrap my arms around her and hug her tight.

I whisper in her ear, "Ditto." I let go of her and walk to my bed to pick up my bag. Slinging the bag onto my shoulder I wave good bye and leave the house. Work was like any other day. Matsuyoko and I have been assigned to create a game program for Konami, Konami creates video games. I was getting ready for lunch when I had a call. I put my bag down on my desk and pick up my phone, "Moshi Moshi."

"Are you Ishida Koujo?" a man with a husky voice asks me in perfect English. It makes me wonder how this man knew I spoke English.

I nod my head and say, "Hai. How can I help you , sir?"

There is a pause as if the man didn't know what to say anymore. But he soon speaks again, "Miss Ishida, there has been an accident. Your sister, Ishida Yuki, has been sent to Tokyo Hospital."

All the words I wanted to say suddenly got caught in my throat, I didn't know what to do. I want to ask if Yuki was all right, if she was badly injured, but the words wouldn't form themselves. I was speechless, breathless. My heart sank and I suddenly realized what if Yuki died? What if I never say her again? Never spoke to her again? Tears began to form around my eyes, I finally found my voice, "Is she all right?" My voice is shaky and nervous. It's funny I wanted to know if Yuki was all right, but at the same time I didn't want to know in case it was bad news. If is was horrible news I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear my Yuki was gone.

The man paused again, probably trying to find the right words to say, "Miss Ishida, your sister didn't make it, I'm very sorry."

I scream out. Everyone in the office looks at me. And I don't care. They can look all they want my whole world just shattered. My scream had alerted Matsuyoko who came running to me. By the time he got to me I was on the floor crying, trying to sob away all my sorrow. "It couldn't be true, no it isn't true. Yuki is alive, she's just... just," I broke down into sobs.

Matsuyoko threw his arms around me. He tried to comfort me even though he didn't know why I was crying. He noticed the phone on the floor, he immediately picked it up and said, "Hello? This is Oshida Matsuyoko what's going on?" He practically screamed at the other person on the phone.

I didn't know what the man said, but soon Matsuyoko had tears coming from his eyes. He hung up the phone and rocked me gently in his arms. I was grateful for the comfort even though I didn't know how to express my thanks at the time.

After I could compose myself Matsuyoko and I went to Tokyo Hospital to confirm the death. The doctor led me to the morgue where I had to identify Yuki's body. Everyone at the hospital thought I was Yuki's sister and it didn't occur to me to set them straight. The morgue was cold, so very cold. As the doctor and I entered I had a deep feeling of grief. All I wanted to do is run away, but I needed to be strong like Yuki, she would want me to be strong now.

The doctor rolled out the body, it was covered with a sheet so I couldn't see her face. He gently took hold of the sheet's corner and pushed it back. It was... it was Yuki. Tears swelled me eyes and I broke down into tears again. I crumpled to the floor, the doctor didn't try to comfort me instead he let me cry. He was doing what he thought was best for me. He didn't want to embarrass me by consoling me. And I was thankful for that.

Once I could control myself better I said, "Yes, that's Ishida Yuki."

The doctor covered the body again and rolled her back into the freezer. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get away. I turned around without the doctor and walked out, Matsuyoko was waiting for me outside, his eyes were red and puffy. I'm sure mine looked the same. I stopped in front of him and said softly, "It's her. Yuki's gone."

He sniffled and I too could feel the tears coming again, but I didn't want to cry I wanted to be strong for her, be strong for Yuki.

The funeral was held at the house, all our friends were dressed in black kimonos or nice business suits. Matsuyoko was wearing a black suit with a gray shirt and black tie. His eyes were red from crying. I was wearing a black kimono like all the other women here, but what made this kimono special was that Yuki bought it for me on my 25th birthday. I had never worn it till this day. I know if Yuki were alive she would have admired the garment then told me I looked great, she always said that.

Mizuko hadn't stayed long, it was too painful for her. She stayed long enough to hear the priest and comfort me about the lose since she knew about Yuki and I being in love. She hugged me tight and apologized for leaving so soon. I told her that she was silly. I knew it was hard and that it hurt. I knew all too well.

After the priest was finished he left. I thought it inappropriate for him to stay since both Yuki and I are not religious. I didn't even want a priest for the ceremony, but Matsuyoko convinced me otherwise. I kept thinking Yuki would be turning in her grave is she knew a priest was at her funeral. A tear always escaped my eye when I thought that. My eyes too were red and puffy, like most of the other woman's. I hadn't invited Yuki's mother, because of the fact at Yuki hated her mother. I didn't invite my family either, I didn't want them here and I didn't think they'd come anyway.

When everyone began to leave they told me they were sorry for my lose and hugged me. I smiled at them and thanked them for coming. They nodded then left. Soon it was just me, Matsuyoko, and Yuki's ashes. I turned to Matsuyoko and said in a shaky voice, "What should I so with the ashes?"

He looked at me, startled I guess, "You should keep them. Yuki-san's favorite place was anywhere you were. She'd want to remain with you." His words not only made him cry but me also. He was right after all.

I though that our dream had finally come true when we first came to Japan. I thought that we would be together forever when we first kissed. And I thought that nothing could separate us, but then death came. But maybe that's not true, for I will love you, Yuki, from beyond the grave.

.:Past Nightmares:.

author: Koujo

email: kuraiko@hotmail.com

URL: http://destined.to/koujo

finished: 2001

rated: PG-13

type: original story

pages: 9

disclaimer: None, this is all my own idea. This is my fourth original story, if you want to read the other original stories by me check out Behind Door Number 216, Friends of Love, and Beyond the Grave.

dedication: Yuki this is for you. Can you see all the references to my own life? This is also to Evil Gennoa-kun, thank you for the great reviews and helping me with Beyond the Grave you are a great friend.

author notes: This story is a prequel to Friends of Love and the sequel to Beyond the Grave. You will want to read BtG before you read this. This story will star the characters from FoL and BtG; in other words Koujo, Yuki, Mizuko, and Matsuyoko are back! Again this story is fiction (false), not a completely true story. I used the names and lives of people I know including myself, but that has nothing to do with the plot. All my Japanese sentences should be right.

I sat in a small cafe in Kobe waiting for Matsuyoko to arrive all afternoon, I had decided to come early so I wouldn't miss him. He had been away on another of Japan's islands for a month and was due back yesterday. The cafe was small with several small plants scattered about the place. It was dimly lit and the curtains were covering the windows, keeping the sun's rays out. I asked to be seated next to the front window so I could see Matsuyoko coming. The waiter was confused by my request, but did as asked.

Finally I saw Matsuyoko coming, he was dressed in a blue suit with a starch white shirt and a red tie. He must have seen me in the window because he smiled at me. I smiled back and waved. The waiter that sat me was immediately at the door when he heard Matsuyoko enter. I watched as they talked for a moment and saw Matsuyoko point to me. They talked a little more before the waiter turned around and left Matsuyoko to come to me.

I greet my friend in English, "Hey, Yoko." I smile sweetly.

Matsuyoko cringes at the mention of his nickname. He sits and says, "Koujo, I really wish you wouldn't call me Yoko. It makes me feel like you're trying to use Yuki's name. Like you're trying to make her live again, make her live in me. I don't really like it."

I'm stunned, I didn't think he minded the name. "Gomen nasai, Matsuyoko. I didn't know you felt that way," I hang my head and say trying not to make eye contact with him, "I guess I can call you Matsu. Would that be okay?" I don't look at him.

"I would like that better, arigato."

I look at him and try to smile; I had missed him and find myself wanting to say as much. With both Yuki and Matsuyoko away I felt so alone and scared like I did in my youth. Like I didn't belong in Japan. I know that the Japanese people have always viewed me as foreigner, but it never occurred to me to mind. But with Yuki and Matsuyoko away, I did mind. I didn't want to be alone in Japan. On more than one occasion I thought that if this was my future I might was well go back to America. I still knew perfect English. I'd only been away from America for five years, not long.

We're quiet for quite some time, I guess he is uncomfortable sitting in silence unlike Yuki. Yuki loved to sit in silence with me. We would silently sip our tea or coffee and just stare out the window or read a book. We both loved silence to a fault. Matsuyoko stirred in his seat, he wanted to say something I can tell, but he probably doesn't know if he should. I try to urge him by looking at him.

He decides to talk, in a small voice, "Koujo, I know you miss Yuki and that I can't be her for you. Believe me I want to. I want to try and be her so you can heal. Her death was sudden and unfair and I know you are still hurting, you two loved each other a lot and well, "he pauses trying to think of what to say next. I never told Matsuyoko about Yuki and I being lovers, and I don't see the point of ever telling him. He continues after awhile, "What I mean is, is that I love you Koujo. And I want you to be happy. During the month I was away I learned something about myself, I learned that I can't live without you. I can't get up in the morning and not see you at work. I just, "he sighs, "I don't want to."

I want to stop him, I want to halt any confessions he might deal out, "Matsu, please don't. I mean I love you too, but I." Matsuyoko stops my chatter by putting one of his tan fingers to my lips. His eyes are saying all he wants to say. They tell me that I don't need to answer about anything. That all he wanted to do was tell me how he felt and now that he had done that he wanted to move on with the conversation. I closed my eyes and breathed in; upon exhaling I opened my eyes and smiled.

"Matsu, just promise me something," I wait for him to confirm he's paying attention, "Don't ever leave for a month without me again. I was so alone and scared. I've never felt more foreign then in the past month. It's like I was only accepted with you and Yuki around, once you both were gone everything closed in around me and I felt, well, alone." I laugh briefly at how stupid my complaint sounds.

Matsuyoko chuckles and says, "Deal. If you promise me something in return."

I look into his eyes, they look playful, I decide that he must be working up a joke to help ease the tension, "Okay, what?" I smile.

He closes his eyes for a moment, obviously trying to think of a way to say his words. "We have a deal as long as you promise to move in with me." I'm shocked. I stare at him in utter disbelief. I don't know what to say to help myself come to terms with the "deal." He must have sensed my distress, "Koujo, I'm not asking you to marry me, it's just that you live all alone in a big house with no one there to help you keep house and cook. You are trapped by Yuki's presence in that house all day."

"I'm not there all day. Remember I work with you," I'm short with him. I might even be classified as being rude, but he was accusing me of being unable to care for myself in my own home. Sure the house is big and I don't need all that room just for me, but I like the house. Yes, it does trap me with Yuki's presence, but that's why I like it. I like having Yuki's memory all about me. I like knowing that her spirit is watching me sleep or read or cook or write. I like having what's left of her around me. Sometimes it's almost as if she never died.

But that's only in my dreams, the trouble with dreams is that you wake up. However, some dreams are nightmares and when you're having a nightmare they seem to go on and on and on. Almost like you'll never wake up.

I woke with my alarm sounding in my ear like every morning. I moan and turn over to hit the button on the machine, then it hits me I moved my alarm clock onto my dresser so I had to get out of bed to turn it off, that way I wouldn't go back to sleep and be late for school. I sigh loudly and get up from my warm bed. Once out I shiver from the cold, it's almost springtime and it's still freezing outside. The snow is still on the ground blanketing small bushes and the grass.

I turn the heater on in my room and run to the bathroom for a shower. This is a normal day I keep telling myself. Today I will shower, get dressed then go to school for six hours, come home and have to deal with my brother. And later my parents will come home and I'll get yelled at and go to bed early so I won't have to talk to them.

I wrap my towel around me and walk back to my room, I can feel the water freeze on my skin and I shiver again. I turn the heat up higher and sit down in front of it. My house was old, in every room there was a manual heater no air conditioning, Washington was too cold a state to have air conditioning built into the house. I slowly dry my skin and dress, I pull on my panties and my jeans, then my bra and my shirt. I look at myself in the mirror and frown, why did I have to be one of the only girls with a bra? Why did I have to start puberty so early? Christ I'm only 11 years old.

I check the time, just enough time to get some breakfast. I walk to the kitchen and grab a bowl, spoon, cereal, and milk. I pour the sweet-coated cereal into my bowl and then the milk. I sit at the dining room table and eat my cereal slowly, why did I have to be such a slow eater? I question myself. It took me so long to eat that I almost missed the bus to school. It was a good thing I didn't see my parents in the morning otherwise I'd be yelled at every morning.

School was the same everyday. Girls chase boys, boys chase girls. Throw in some math and spelling and that's my day at school, nothing special. I loved being at school, I loved it because if I was at school then I wasn't at home. I liked not being home. Home was a scary place for me. But at the end of every school day I heard the bell ring and I went the bus with a sad face, that bus was going to take me home, I didn't want to go home, not yet. I never cried though, I wouldn't give my family the satisfaction of knowing I cried in public. I board the bus and find a seat. I always sit alone, no one ever wanted to sit by me, which was fine with me I don't like sitting next to anyone anyway. Unless it was a friend coming home with me, which usually never happened. I went to my friend's houses; I didn't want them to come to mine.

I step off the bus; I can't see my house from here. My house is on the top of the hill in front of me. I pull my backpack farther up my shoulders and begin my short walk home. I don't wave good-bye to any of the other kids; I don't really know them. Sure I know their names and where they live, but I don't know any of them personally, except for Jackie. But she went a different school, a private school. My thoughts end when I come to my house's driveway, I know that the front door is locked and I can't get inside, so I go in through the gate and in front of me is the shed that my father built. The tiny shed is attached to the side of the garage, he built it to put our bikes, camping, and fishing gear in.

I slide the key into the lock and turn, the door unlocks and I push the door open. I retract the key and put it back in my backpack to be used tomorrow. I walk the short distance from the shed door to the house door from the garage. This door doesn't have a lock on it, I can just do right in. I stop once I have entered the house, I look to my right and see the family room. The family room has a couch, love seat, and retractable chair. There is also a large fish tank and a birdcage. The bird was almost a pure white parakeet, Casper was his name. Our TV was also in this room.

I walk the other way, through the dining room and living room, past the front door and the kitchen straight to the hallway. At the end of the hallway are four doors, three of them lead to bedrooms, the other one goes to my brother's and mine bathroom. I walk slowly past the bathroom and to the right to my room. If I had gone straight a little further I would be in my brother's room, and had I gone to the left I'd be in my parent's room.

My room's walls were white except for one, which was pink. On this pink wall was a name spelled out in large wooden letters, the name was "Sarah." I was named "Sarah" after two songs, one by Daryl Hall and John Oats the other by Jefferson Airplane. I hated my name, I hated that every other girl in this small town was named "Sarah." I wish my name was something original like "Snow" or "Troika." I wanted the name "Snow" because winter was my favorite season and I loved the snow in Washington, it was so pure and tasted wonderful. The word "troika" is Russian and represents the Cold War. I have always been a fan of history so liked the name because of what it represented.

I throw my backpack on my bed and prepare to do my homework. I sigh rather loudly as I sit on my bed and unzip my backpack. I get to thinking that if I can get immersed in my homework it will be like I'm still in school. I didn't have much today, only one math page. It would probably take me till the time my brother comes home from junior high. My brother's school was just up the street about a 1/4 mile, maybe less. He walked to and from school, unlike me. I have to ride a bus because my elementary school is a good five to ten miles away.

I finish my math and look at the clock, my brother will be home soon. I cringe at the thought. The thought of my brother always made me wish I was dead, or an only child. But mainly that I was never born. My thoughts were ended by the sound of a door slamming somewhere in the house. "He's home," I breathe.

I get off my bed and hurriedly close my door, then I gently set my backpack on the floor and get under the covers of my bed and pretend to be asleep. I do this in hope that he won't beat me today. I wince as I straighten my leg, on it is a massive bruise that covers my entire knee and part of my thigh. My brother had given the bruise to me a few days ago when I wouldn't let him touch me.

I hear my door knob turn and my door open. I thud comes next, it must be his book bag I think to myself. I begin to shiver at his presence. My brother is standing next to the bed looking at me, I know because I can feel his eyes on me, searching me. A hand carefully takes the corner of my sheet and pulls it away from my body exposing my "sleeping" form. This same hand then rested on my waist for a moment before sliding up my stomach to my chest. I try to remain still in hopes that he'll leave, but with each passing touch I know that he wouldn't take no for an answer this time.

My brother cups my breast in his hand and tugs gently. Then suddenly his other hands slaps my face, jolting me upright. My fingers cover the red mark on my face and I can feel tears begin to fall. I look and see my brother's grinning smile and I feel like screaming. I watch as he begins to unzip his pants and take off his shoes. He removes his shirt and I can see all of him, all he wears now is his boxers. I look away.

"Do it," he says in a deep voice. He doesn't tell me what to do, but it doesn't matter I know what he means. He wants me to take off my clothes. I do as ordered, I'd rather humor him then let him beat me. Besides it's already apparent that he'll take me whether I fight back or not.

I can feel his eyes move over my skin as I removed my shirt and pants. I am about to take of my bra when he reaches out and pulls my hand away from the strap. He then wraps his arms around me and does it himself. After he has removed all my clothing and all of his, he uses my body for his own pleasure. I weep for the whole ordeal, unwanting and unmoving.

"Koujo, Koujo?" Matsuyoko calls to me, I don't hear him, my thoughts are all in the past. A few tears fall from my eyes as I remember my childhood fears. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up and see Matsuyoko with worry all over his face. He gently wipes my tears away.

I look away from him and say, "I'm sorry. I... I was thinking of a past nightmare." I close my eyes in an attempt to close out the memories. I have tried to forget my past for my whole life, but no matter what I do or where I go they will always follow me. I just can't escape them, this thought sickens me. All I ever wanted was love, love that I never got from my family. Love that I never got from people. It took me 16 long years to find love and I found it in Yuki, but Yuki wasn't the only one to give me love.

My third or fourth cousin, Kyle, was a great strength for me. I met Kyle when my family moved from Washington to Nevada, Las Vegas to be more precise. By the time we met my brother had stopped abusing me and was no longer a problem, sure every once in awhile he's hit me but not like before. I was relieved by this turn of events, it was like God had finally given me a break.

I had never liked God, well that isn't true. I did once believe and love Him, when I was about four or five maybe even six. I can't remember when I learned that I didn't love Him, I hated Him. I loathed Him. All He had given me was grief and pain. I do remember that at first I didn't hate Him, I only didn't believe in Him. But by the time I was a teenager I hated Him. I wanted to kill Him, if I could. I wanted to show Him all the pain He had given me and return it ten-fold to Him. He never did me any favors and I never wanted to go to heaven because He was there.

When I learned that both Kyle and Yuki weren't religious I knew that these two people would be my friends forever. They were part of my soul, part of me. I always felt that when I was born it hurt so much that my heart broke into pieces and these pieces where born inside other people. When I met Kyle I felt that I had found a piece of myself and I had the same feeling when I met Yuki.

Matsuyoko is staring at me, "Koujo, what do you mean?" I hadn't told Matsuyoko about my past, about my brother or my parents. To him they didn't exist and that's how they were to me too. I didn't want to know them and I didn't ever want to think of them again. They weren't real and they weren't alive. They died a long time ago.

I sigh and look him in the eyes, I loved his hazel eyes. I smile slightly and say, "Well... I was thinking about my brother, my parents, and my friends. I was thinking about Kyle, you remember me telling you about him, ne? He came to visit two years ago." Matsuyoko nods is understanding. "I was thinking about how much my life has changed and yet at the same time how much it hasn't."

"Koujo, I didn't know you had family. I thought they were dead," he speaks in a questioning voice. Not really stating that my family was dead but more asking if they were.

Looking out the window I respond, "No, they aren't dead. However, I wish they were. I know it's strange for me to say that but you see my family was never... family. My brother abused my physically and..."

Matsuyoko cuts in, "Sexually?" I nod slowly, his face tightens showing his anger. One of the best things about Matsuyoko was the fact that he didn't believe in abuse. He was very chivalrous. "I would never do that to you, Koujo!" he says with a strong Japanese accent.

"I know that, Matsu," I can't believe he thought I'd think of him in such a way. I knew better than that.

"Then why won't you love me?" his eyes are clouded with hurt.

My heart breaks, "I do love you, Matsu. It's just that," I no longer know what to say.

The past few weeks passed by so quickly I could hardly believe it was almost time for Matsuyoko's birthday. Work had been hectic, constant clients from America and other parts of Asia came to check up on our work and see if we were keeping up on our end of the line. Matsuyoko and I had been asked to show around the American clients since we were the only ones who knew English well enough. It was actually fun talking in English to someone other than Matsu.

But after all my work and tourist runs I had to return to my cold empty home. I no longer write, I had given it up. I didn't really have a choice, without Yuki around spreading her love the words no longer followed. My mind would no longer create.

Instead, I sat alone in my home. During my loneliness I would think about Yuki and her death. I remember it like it was yesterday...

I was getting ready for lunch when I had a call. I put my bag down on my desk and pick up my phone, "Moshi Moshi."

"Are you Ishida Koujo?" a man with a husky voice asks me in perfect English. It makes me wonder how this man knew I spoke English.

I nod my head and say, "Hai. How can I help you , sir?"

There is a pause as if the man didn't know what to say anymore. But he soon speaks again, "Miss Ishida, there has been an accident. Your sister, Ishida Yuki, has been sent to Tokyo Hospital."

All the words I wanted to say suddenly got caught in my throat, I didn't know what to do. I want to ask if Yuki was all right, if she was badly injured, but the words wouldn't form themselves. I was speechless, breathless. My heart sank and I suddenly realized what if Yuki died? What if I never say her again? Never spoke to her again? Tears began to form around my eyes, I finally found my voice, "Is she all right?" My voice is shaky and nervous. It's funny I wanted to know if Yuki was all right, but at the same time I didn't want to know in case it was bad news. If is was horrible news I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear my Yuki was gone.

The man paused again, probably trying to find the right words to say, "Miss Ishida, your sister didn't make it, I'm very sorry."

I scream out. Everyone in the office looks at me. And I don't care. They can look all they want my whole world just shattered. My scream had alerted Matsuyoko who came running to me. By the time he got to me I was on the floor crying, trying to sob away all my sorrow. "It couldn't be true, no it isn't true. Yuki is alive, she's just... just," I broke down into sobs.

Matsuyoko threw his arms around me. He tried to comfort me even though he didn't know why I was crying. He noticed the phone on the floor, he immediately picked it up and said, "Hello? This is Oshida Matsuyoko what's going on?" He practically screamed at the other person on the phone.

I didn't know what the man said, but soon Matsuyoko had tears coming from his eyes. He hung up the phone and rocked me gently in his arms. I was grateful for the comfort even though I didn't know how to express my thanks at the time.

After I could compose myself Matsuyoko and I went to Tokyo Hospital to confirm the death. The doctor led me to the morgue where I had to identify Yuki's body. Everyone at the hospital thought I was Yuki's sister and it didn't occur to me to set them straight. The morgue was cold, so very cold. As the doctor and I entered I had a deep feeling of grief. All I wanted to do is run away, but I needed to be strong like Yuki, she would want me to be strong now.

The doctor rolled out the body, it was covered with a sheet so I couldn't see her face. He gently took hold of the sheet's corner and pushed it back. It was... it was Yuki. Tears swelled me eyes and I broke down into tears again. I crumpled to the floor, the doctor didn't try to comfort me instead he let me cry. He was doing what he thought was best for me. He didn't want to embarrass me by consoling me. And I was thankful for that.

Once I could control myself better I said, "Yes, that's Ishida Yuki."

The doctor covered the body again and rolled her back into the freezer. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get away. I turned around without the doctor and walked out, Matsuyoko was waiting for me outside, his eyes were red and puffy. I'm sure mine looked the same. I stopped in front of him and said softly, "It's her. Yuki's gone."

He sniffled and I too could feel the tears coming again, but I didn't want to cry I wanted to be strong for her, be strong for Yuki.

A police officer stopped in front of us and asked, "You Ishida Koujo and Oshida Matsuyoko?" The man speaks in broken English.

"Hai, "Matsuyoko and I say together.

The man looks at each of us then states coldly, "You want know how Ishida Yuki die?" I looked at Matsuyoko and nod yes. The man looks at his notes then says, "Ishida-san die walking to mat store from martial art store. She die by car crash. You want file sue?"

I look at the man and think, "Yuki died buying gifts for me." My thoughts brought more tears to my eyes, Matsuyoko waved the man away and walked me to his house.

I stayed with Matsuyoko for a week before finally going home again. I didn't want to go home, I was afraid of the memories. And the guilt. Matsuyoko tried to tell me that she didn't die because of me, but I couldn't believe that.

And now it was time for me to show my appreciation to Matsu for everything he's done for me since Yuki's passing. I had bought him many gifts but not one portrayed my thanks, except for one. It was a ring, a simple golden band with a single diamond in the middle.

I don't know what possessed me to buy the ring, maybe as a symbol of my thanks or was it for some other reason? I don't know. It does seem strange for a single woman to buy her male friend a diamond ring, a ring that would be considered a wedding band. In fact I found the ring in the wedding section of the store. The woman that helped me said it was perfect ring for simple people and simple marriages. I didn't tell her it was for a friend, I didn't deny what it represented.

I hear a knock at the door and cursed softly, I hadn't gotten dressed from my shower yet. I had spent that time staring at Matusyoko's gift. I furiously tighten my hold on my towel as I run to the door. I crack the door open and poke my head out to see whom was calling. A man stood at my door, I smile to him and say, "Hey Matsu! What are you doing here?"

Matsuyoko smiles back, "Hi, Koujo. Um... why are hiding behind the door like that?" He looks confused.

"Because I am not dressed, "Matusyoko's cheeks blush, "come on in though." I stand aside so he can see I'm not naked, but in a towel. The pinkish tint to his cheeks doesn't fade as he comes in and closes the door behind himself. "Why don't you wait for me in the kitchen while I dress, okay?" He nods and I head to my room to change into some real clothes.

I return to see Matsuyoko drinking some orange juice, I'm glad he helped himself to anything he wanted. It saves me from having to ask and serve him. I sit in the chair across from him and smile. "Koujo, I came because I want to ask you a question."

"Oh, wait!" I rush from the kitchen and to my room. I hurriedly gather his gifts and run back to the kitchen in a whirl of wet hair. I gently set the items on the table, blushing. "These are for you, Matsu. I know that you don't have any living family left so I thought I'd help make this birthday special." I sit back in my chair.

"Arigato, Koujo! But you didn't have to," he looks at the smallest box curiously. He picked up the small box wrapped in a bright blue and gold paper. He gently ripped the paper away revealing a white box underneath. Opening the lid off the box his eyes went wide.

"It's just a little something I picked up at the..." I stop talking when Matsuyoko puts the lid back on the box and sets in on the table. Had I done something wrong? Was buying the ring a bad move? I wanted to search him eyes, but they were staring at the box on the table. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten something like this, "I move to take the box when Matsuyoko takes my hand and gets up. He moves around the table and kneels before me.

He looks up into my eyes and says, "Koujo, on this day I am going to ask you a question. And I want you to say yes to the question. All right?" I nod unknowingly. "All right, here goes. Koujo Ishida, will you give me the honor of being your husband?"

I'm shocked! I stare at my friend with wide eyes, what did he just ask? Is this a joke? A prank? A devious trick? I am suddenly angry, I quickly retract my hand from his and stand. I can see it in his eyes, he's hurt. "Matsuyoko, I... I don't know what to say."

"You said you say yes to my question."

"That was before I knew you were going to ask for my hand in marriage! Matsuyoko, I can't marry you," I look away from him.

He stand up from the floor, "But why? I love you. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. Please, Koujo. I will make you happy! I swear on my life, on my honor." I stare at him and think about what had just happened. What was just asked of me. And what was I going to do.

I stood waiting from the plane to arrive. I thought that I'd never step foot in another airport for as I long as I lived, but here I was in an airport waiting for a plane that was an hour late. I cursed softly under my breathe. I looked at my watch, 5:42 pm. Perfect, where in hell is the damned plane! A voice sounds through the airport, it's first in Japanese then in broken English, "We very sorry. Plane from Hong Kong, China be hour later. We sorry for problems this cause. Thank you."

Damn! I sigh as I slump into a near by chair. I close my eyes and dream. I dream of being in an airport like this, no it is this airport. It has the same female voice expressing apologies for late planes in both Japanese and English. The same paint colors and carpet. I dream I am coming off a plane and right in front of me is Yuki. She looks so happy, she's smiling with her arms outstretched for me to run into. I throw my bags and open my arms and run to her. I yell her name, tears running done my face. I had missed her so much, and now I was coming home. Coming back to Yuki. My love. Just as I reach Yuki I feel something pull me from my dream world.

I open my eyes to see Mizuko staring at me worriedly. "Koujo, are you all right?" her soft voice is pleasant to hear, but the loose of Yuki brings tears to my eyes once again. I know it was just a dream but it seemed so real. I thought that I had joined her once again. Why? Why can't I go back? Mizuko wraps her arms around me and rocks me till the tears cease and I compose myself.

"Gomen nasai, Mizuko-chan."

"It's all right, Koujo-chan. It's been a long time." If only see knew I wasn't crying in joy of her return, but in pain. But that is something she doesn't need to know. This after all was supposed to be a happy day. Mizuko had travel far to see me married. "How is Matsuyoko?" She smiles sweetly at me and I can't help but mirror her smile.

"He's great. Arigato," I pick up one of her bags and we walk to the car, "for coming. I was so happy to hear you could make it. It wouldn't right if you weren't there to be watch me wed. Mizuko can I ask you something?"

She nods, "Of course, anything." She had grown up so much since Yuki's death, it was almost like looking at a different Mizuko. She had cut her hair to chin length, it was straight and shined in the artificial light.

"Mizuko, do you think Yuki would be angry if I marry Matsu?" I look down the hall, not wanting to see her eyes.

"No, I don't. I think Yuki would be very happy to know you have moved on. That you allow yourself to live in misery forever. She'd want you to live again. To love again."

I smile, that's all I needed to hear. And tomorrow I will say 'I do' to Matsuyoko Oshida. I will live for you Yuki. Rest in peace, my love.

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Well that is it. The Friends Trilogy is complete. ^_^ I may write another chapter on this, but if I did it wouldn't be a trilogy anymore, now would it? ^_^ heehee

Mizuko has rewritten this story from her POV, it is titled Emotions. You have to go read it. It's wonderful. Thank you, Mizuko, I am honored to have you write a POV of my story or, rather, our story.