Fan Fiction ❯ Heart of a Suicide ❯ Heart of a suicide ( One-Shot )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: KML 
A young girl takes her own life, with the help of a friend, to achieve happiness.
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / / Drama | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 08.23.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 389 | Status: Completed
A young girl takes her own life, with the help of a friend, to achieve happiness.
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / / Drama | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 08.23.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 389 | Status: Completed
Heart of a Suicide
It's summertime, and I'm here at camp once again. It's extremely humid everyday, and everyone is dressed in the shortest shorts and thinnest shirts, trying to keep cool. I'm wearing my purple knee-length dress, it's my favorite. My mom bought it for me, a little before camp began.
A little before camp began...
I was happier a little before camp began. Not that happy though. I was already dealing with mom and dad's divorce. I was dealing with all the abuse I received at school. And my sister.
My sister.
My sister blames everything on me. I stole her shirt. The one on the bottom of her drawer,
where she didn't bother to look before accusing me of theft. She abuses me too, like people at school do. but she always hits me on the stomach, or somewhere hidden by clothes. If she hits somewhere else, 'I was in a fight at school.'oh,of course, I'm the bad daughter, I'm the troublemaking, criminal idiot daughter who always gets into fights because she can't keep her mouth shut. I'm rude to others.
I'm only rude becuase my sister says so. And everyone believes my sister.
Because she's nice to others.
Because she's sweet and kind, and never gets into trouble.
Because she has good grades.
Because she's perfect.
My perfect sister was the one who first suggested sending me away to camp, 'it'll keep her out of trouble' she said. so for three years I've been going to camp. so my sister can make mom and dad like her more then me. More then they already do.
But camp isn't that great. Camp doesn't keep me out of trouble.
I don't have fun at camp.
Because kids at camp are just like kids at school. They are both abusive. physically and emotionally.
The counselours don't seem to care. I could be shot,then stumble into the bunk bloody and wounded and they wouldn't look up from their Cosmo magazines.
Because they don't give a damn, just like everyone else.
But maybe one person does give a damn.
Mary.
Mary might give a damn. Mary is nice to me.
Mary is my only friend. I've forgetten the last friend I ever had. or even if I ever had a friend.
I've been talking to Mary about certain...things. About what I'm going to do with my life.
What am I going to do with my life?
I might just leave it behind. Just leave. and perhaps, be happy for once, if only for a moment.
yes. I...I will. If only to escape the pain. but I want to feel happy again.
If only for a moment.
So I'll look for Mary. I want her to be there when I go. because she's the only person I have who cares, even a little, about me.
Because she makes me happy.
I see her, a little farther. Yes! that's her! That's her blonde hair, that's her strawberry-print shirt.
"Mary! Hey!"
She turns, and sees me, she smiles and waves.
"Yeah,Jenna?" she calls out to me.
I catch up to her, and stand panting for a moment, I was running to get here.
"I've decided....that I'll do it. I'll leave. and be happy." I gasp.
Her eyes widen, she looks at me in disbelief. I'm worried now. What if she's mad at me? What if she doesn't care whether I leave or not? Oh no, she's probably disgusted with me.
But then, her face turns into a soft smile. She looks me in the eyes.
" O.K Jenna. Whatever your decision is, I won't stop you."
I give a small smile. She really does make me happy.
"um..." I mumble. " w-would y-y...you be there....with me...w-when I..I do it?" I manage to stutter out.
She looks shocked again. But her face turns back into that wonderful smile.
" Of course. I'll be there, I'll help you through."
I hug her, and she hugs back.
When was the last time I was hugged so warmly?
********************************************************
I'm sitting in an old bunk. Mary is here with me.
We're both in sturdy wooden chairs. There's a table in front of me that I'm resting my arms on. A piece of paper and a purple ink pen rest in front of me.
So does a knife.
A knife I took from the kitchens. A five inch, stainless-steel knife. It was the first one I noticed, so I decided to use it.
This bunk is old and smells musty. It's about 5:00, so there's still light filtering in through the boarded up windows and cracks in the walls.
I feel a little nervous. Right in the pit of my stomach.
But I'm determined to do this. Mary will help me.
She puts her hands on my shoulders and gives a squeeze. A reassurring squeeze.
We're both prepared.
I lift up the knife.
I hold it a little above my head with both hands. Both hands are trembling. I aim for my chest.
I'm expecting counselours to come bursting in through the broken door. I'm expecting Mary to stop me, to tell me what I'm doing is wrong.
But none of that happens.
So the knife comes plunging down.
The knife goes through my chest. I feel it hit my heart.
But it was a little off.
But that's okay. It gives me more time to write my letter.
I cough up blood, hitting the paper a bit.
Such pain.
Such excruciating pain.
Mary's hands are back on my shoulders, she's comforting me.
The pain numbs a bit.
I pick up my purple ink pen, and slump foreward, my forehead almost touching the paper. My vision's becoming cloudy, blurry, splotchy.
I have to hurry!
I begin to write:
'Dear everyone,'
It's hard to write, when I move my arm, my chest thumps with pain and stings my whole body. The words are tilted and messy. but that doesn't matter.
" c'mon Jenna. You can finish it. c'mon!" Mary cheers me on. She'll keep me going.
'I don't know if this will cause you pain, but i'm hoping it may just a little.'
ugh..the pain. I...I don't know if I'll have time to finish.
" It's okay Jenna! keep going!" I hear Mary's distant sounding voice. I feel her give me one of those warm hugs I love so much.
'I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you. I'm sorry I couldn't be better.'
yes..maybe then I wouldn't have to leave. If only...
'But i want to be happy. I want to smile again. I want more warm hugs and I want everyone to smile at me again.'
A wave of pain shoots out from my chest. My chair scoots back a bit. My face is soaking wet with tears pouring from my eyes. Mary's arms are still around me, though I can barely feel them anymore. I know she's speaking, but I can't hear her voice.
oh...I wish I could hear her! she makes me happy...
I move forward a bit, to finish my letter. It's getting hard to breathe.
'My life hasn't been too happy lately. It hurts alot. Everything hurts so much. So I'm leaving so everything doesn't have to hurt. So there's no more pain.'
More blood drips from my mouth onto the letter. I feel Mary wipe away the blood, so it doesn't ruin the paper. I hardly feel the pain anymore, it's starting to numb. everything is so fuzzy. but it feels warm. so warm.
'you might hate me after this. but i'll make sure i still love you. please don't forget about me okay? I don't want to be sad and lonely when i'm not remembered.I want to be happy.'
my eyelids are drooping, but the tears are still flowing down my cheeks and falling to the floor.
'we'll see eachother again someday. maybe when we do, I'll be happy again. and then maybe everything won't be so bad. maybe we'll all be happy again.'
I can feel it. I'm already slipping away. it's a little dark, but my letter shines in front of me. Just one more thing, then I'll be done. then I can find my happiness and leave.I can still feel my beloved Mary holding me. Her hand is on my hand, I hear a faint mumble, she must be talking.
I wish I could hear you one last time Mary.
But don't worry...I'm still gonna be happy.
Just one more line for my letter.
'Goodbye Mom'
I'm slipping, the pen is loose in my hand, and i can't feel anymore. but I can't just say goodbye to Mom..everyone else might be mad, and....I want them to love me.
'Dad'
Just a little more. Just a bit. Then I can be happy. Just for a moment I'll be happy.
'everyone'
The pen falls from my hand.
I'm finished.
It's starting to get darker, even my letter's beautiful shine is starting to go.
But I can still see Mary. Mary is still shining. She's blurry, but so shiny, so beautiful.
She makes me so happy.
I close my eyes.
My breathing begins to stop...
I feel my mind leave..
I can't feel anything anymore...
But wait...
I feel...
A warm hug...
And...
Happiness...
END
It's summertime, and I'm here at camp once again. It's extremely humid everyday, and everyone is dressed in the shortest shorts and thinnest shirts, trying to keep cool. I'm wearing my purple knee-length dress, it's my favorite. My mom bought it for me, a little before camp began.
A little before camp began...
I was happier a little before camp began. Not that happy though. I was already dealing with mom and dad's divorce. I was dealing with all the abuse I received at school. And my sister.
My sister.
My sister blames everything on me. I stole her shirt. The one on the bottom of her drawer,
where she didn't bother to look before accusing me of theft. She abuses me too, like people at school do. but she always hits me on the stomach, or somewhere hidden by clothes. If she hits somewhere else, 'I was in a fight at school.'oh,of course, I'm the bad daughter, I'm the troublemaking, criminal idiot daughter who always gets into fights because she can't keep her mouth shut. I'm rude to others.
I'm only rude becuase my sister says so. And everyone believes my sister.
Because she's nice to others.
Because she's sweet and kind, and never gets into trouble.
Because she has good grades.
Because she's perfect.
My perfect sister was the one who first suggested sending me away to camp, 'it'll keep her out of trouble' she said. so for three years I've been going to camp. so my sister can make mom and dad like her more then me. More then they already do.
But camp isn't that great. Camp doesn't keep me out of trouble.
I don't have fun at camp.
Because kids at camp are just like kids at school. They are both abusive. physically and emotionally.
The counselours don't seem to care. I could be shot,then stumble into the bunk bloody and wounded and they wouldn't look up from their Cosmo magazines.
Because they don't give a damn, just like everyone else.
But maybe one person does give a damn.
Mary.
Mary might give a damn. Mary is nice to me.
Mary is my only friend. I've forgetten the last friend I ever had. or even if I ever had a friend.
I've been talking to Mary about certain...things. About what I'm going to do with my life.
What am I going to do with my life?
I might just leave it behind. Just leave. and perhaps, be happy for once, if only for a moment.
yes. I...I will. If only to escape the pain. but I want to feel happy again.
If only for a moment.
So I'll look for Mary. I want her to be there when I go. because she's the only person I have who cares, even a little, about me.
Because she makes me happy.
I see her, a little farther. Yes! that's her! That's her blonde hair, that's her strawberry-print shirt.
"Mary! Hey!"
She turns, and sees me, she smiles and waves.
"Yeah,Jenna?" she calls out to me.
I catch up to her, and stand panting for a moment, I was running to get here.
"I've decided....that I'll do it. I'll leave. and be happy." I gasp.
Her eyes widen, she looks at me in disbelief. I'm worried now. What if she's mad at me? What if she doesn't care whether I leave or not? Oh no, she's probably disgusted with me.
But then, her face turns into a soft smile. She looks me in the eyes.
" O.K Jenna. Whatever your decision is, I won't stop you."
I give a small smile. She really does make me happy.
"um..." I mumble. " w-would y-y...you be there....with me...w-when I..I do it?" I manage to stutter out.
She looks shocked again. But her face turns back into that wonderful smile.
" Of course. I'll be there, I'll help you through."
I hug her, and she hugs back.
When was the last time I was hugged so warmly?
********************************************************
I'm sitting in an old bunk. Mary is here with me.
We're both in sturdy wooden chairs. There's a table in front of me that I'm resting my arms on. A piece of paper and a purple ink pen rest in front of me.
So does a knife.
A knife I took from the kitchens. A five inch, stainless-steel knife. It was the first one I noticed, so I decided to use it.
This bunk is old and smells musty. It's about 5:00, so there's still light filtering in through the boarded up windows and cracks in the walls.
I feel a little nervous. Right in the pit of my stomach.
But I'm determined to do this. Mary will help me.
She puts her hands on my shoulders and gives a squeeze. A reassurring squeeze.
We're both prepared.
I lift up the knife.
I hold it a little above my head with both hands. Both hands are trembling. I aim for my chest.
I'm expecting counselours to come bursting in through the broken door. I'm expecting Mary to stop me, to tell me what I'm doing is wrong.
But none of that happens.
So the knife comes plunging down.
The knife goes through my chest. I feel it hit my heart.
But it was a little off.
But that's okay. It gives me more time to write my letter.
I cough up blood, hitting the paper a bit.
Such pain.
Such excruciating pain.
Mary's hands are back on my shoulders, she's comforting me.
The pain numbs a bit.
I pick up my purple ink pen, and slump foreward, my forehead almost touching the paper. My vision's becoming cloudy, blurry, splotchy.
I have to hurry!
I begin to write:
'Dear everyone,'
It's hard to write, when I move my arm, my chest thumps with pain and stings my whole body. The words are tilted and messy. but that doesn't matter.
" c'mon Jenna. You can finish it. c'mon!" Mary cheers me on. She'll keep me going.
'I don't know if this will cause you pain, but i'm hoping it may just a little.'
ugh..the pain. I...I don't know if I'll have time to finish.
" It's okay Jenna! keep going!" I hear Mary's distant sounding voice. I feel her give me one of those warm hugs I love so much.
'I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you. I'm sorry I couldn't be better.'
yes..maybe then I wouldn't have to leave. If only...
'But i want to be happy. I want to smile again. I want more warm hugs and I want everyone to smile at me again.'
A wave of pain shoots out from my chest. My chair scoots back a bit. My face is soaking wet with tears pouring from my eyes. Mary's arms are still around me, though I can barely feel them anymore. I know she's speaking, but I can't hear her voice.
oh...I wish I could hear her! she makes me happy...
I move forward a bit, to finish my letter. It's getting hard to breathe.
'My life hasn't been too happy lately. It hurts alot. Everything hurts so much. So I'm leaving so everything doesn't have to hurt. So there's no more pain.'
More blood drips from my mouth onto the letter. I feel Mary wipe away the blood, so it doesn't ruin the paper. I hardly feel the pain anymore, it's starting to numb. everything is so fuzzy. but it feels warm. so warm.
'you might hate me after this. but i'll make sure i still love you. please don't forget about me okay? I don't want to be sad and lonely when i'm not remembered.I want to be happy.'
my eyelids are drooping, but the tears are still flowing down my cheeks and falling to the floor.
'we'll see eachother again someday. maybe when we do, I'll be happy again. and then maybe everything won't be so bad. maybe we'll all be happy again.'
I can feel it. I'm already slipping away. it's a little dark, but my letter shines in front of me. Just one more thing, then I'll be done. then I can find my happiness and leave.I can still feel my beloved Mary holding me. Her hand is on my hand, I hear a faint mumble, she must be talking.
I wish I could hear you one last time Mary.
But don't worry...I'm still gonna be happy.
Just one more line for my letter.
'Goodbye Mom'
I'm slipping, the pen is loose in my hand, and i can't feel anymore. but I can't just say goodbye to Mom..everyone else might be mad, and....I want them to love me.
'Dad'
Just a little more. Just a bit. Then I can be happy. Just for a moment I'll be happy.
'everyone'
The pen falls from my hand.
I'm finished.
It's starting to get darker, even my letter's beautiful shine is starting to go.
But I can still see Mary. Mary is still shining. She's blurry, but so shiny, so beautiful.
She makes me so happy.
I close my eyes.
My breathing begins to stop...
I feel my mind leave..
I can't feel anything anymore...
But wait...
I feel...
A warm hug...
And...
Happiness...
END