Fan Fiction ❯ Historic Meeting of Great Presidents ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

 

Historic Meeting of Great Presidents

Author- James the Lesser/The Bunnyman

 

 

A/N: Ok, Bush&Co. Say Washington and Lincoln Wiretapped people so it is ok for Bush to do it, so here is how it happened since the Phone wasn't invented until after both men had died. Also, this is a joke/comedy, if you get offended, to bad!

 

Chapter 1

 

It was a dark and stormy night, just like tonight. Doc Brown had just been given a 50million dollar grant from the government to make it so Alberto Gonzalez wasn't lying when he testified to congress about wiretapping. Doc Brown went back and kidnapped both men and brought them to the modern world. While there he decided to show them a good time.

 

Doc Brown: "And this is a hooker, a woman you pay for sex, now you can't use your money, you have to pay with a Grant or Benjamin Franklin"

 

Washington: "Hey! How come he got a better number then me?"

 

Lincoln: "Well you were the first president, but what about me! Grant was my bitch, how did he get to be worth ten times more then me!"

 

Washington: "You're right, I was the first so I should be worth the most!"

 

Lincoln: “Fuck you Washington I freed the slaves! You just freed white people from white people."

 

Washington: "You freed a bunch of monkeys? What the hell were you thinking? And you try fighting those tea drinking bastards you string bean."

 

Lincoln: "I never actually fought, I was to busy being a loser, until I won the presidency."

 

Doc Brown: "Now you two it's not about how mush you are worth, Wilson is on the thousand dollar bill."

 

Both: "Who?"

 

Doc Brown: “Look you guys want to have sex with this girl or not? If not I will have myself some fun.”

 

Lincoln: “I will not cheat on my wife, sorry.”

 

Washington: “I fathered the country, I am not going to father anything else.

 

Lincoln: “And with those wooden chompers I bet she wouldn't want you to pleasure her, getting slivers down there would hurt.”

 

Doc Brown: “You don't need to pleasure her, that's what the money is for, she is paid to pleasure you!”

 

Washington: “A great idea, now if they had been legal in my times I wouldn't have gotten married, women in our time are so prude. What about your women string bean?”

 

Lincoln: “Just as prude, the nation split up before my wife's legs did.”

 

Washington: “You split the country? That's what you get for freeing the monkeys!”

 

Lincoln: “I did that afterwards, the Satanists, I mean conservatives, wanted to break away, I said no, and they did. But in the end we kicked their ass and I made my people happy by freeing the slaves, got re-elected no problem. Of course thanks to the Doc here I won't have to go to some boring play my wife was dragging me to.”

 

Washington: “Heh heh, you beat yourself, heh heh, boobies.”

 

Doc Brown: “Well give me a few minutes guys, stay here, I am getting old so only need a few minutes. Come baby here's the money and here's the big wad of…”

 

Hooker: “Alright, but no Cosplay, just fuck me and get it over with.”

 

Five minutes later the hooker and Doc Brown come out.

 

Hooker: “Keep the money, I charge by the inch, so this was a free fuck.”

 

Doc Brown: “Hey, a pity fuck is still a fuck.”

 

Washington: “I planted my flag on American ground; you couldn't even plant a twig in a hooker!” Washington and Lincoln laugh.

 

Doc Brown: “Yes well I was ordered by the current president to get you two and teach you how to wiretap phones. He got caught doing it illegally and in his defense one of his men said you two did it, but as the phone wasn't invented yet…”

 

Both: “What's a telephone?”

 

Doc Brown: “A device that lets you talk to anyone no matter how far away they are, usually used to make prank calls or have phone sex.”

 

Washington: “So I could have called King George and asked if his Horse was running?”

 

Doc Brown: “Don't mention King George alright? The new one would take offense, of course he is still President George, but he's working on becoming King. You know what they say, It's Good to be the King.”

 

Washington: “No it isn't, they are either gay or get beheaded by the people. Why do you think I turned down the crown? I didn't want to take it in the ass or get my head cut off.”

 

Doc Brown: "Never mind, look, this is a telephone, you place the bug here, and now you can listen to all the conversations this person has."

 

Lincoln: “Why would we wanna do that?”

 

Doc Brown: “Well right now Bush is doing it to listen to the ACLU, Greenpeace, John McCain, and other private citizens that don't worship him like the god that he is, or considers himself to be.” There's a knock at the door.

 

NSA Agent: “Doc Brown we are here to retrieve the Oldies.”

 

Doc Brown: “Come in, I got them.”

 

NSA Agent #2: “Good, now have you explained the mission?”

 

Doc Brown: “I have, but still, how are you going to explain this?”

 

NSA Agent: “We don't have to, the republicans are basically mindless zombies, we could tell them the Romans Wire Tapped Jesus' phone and they would believe us.” He pulls a gun out and shoots Doc Brown in the head. “There we go, that's 50million we just saved for Halliburton to spend on new cars and mansions.”

 

Lincoln: “But what if we don't want to wire tap our own citizens?

 

NSA Agent #2: “Then you will be declared traitors.”

 

Washington: “But this is against the law, he said it himself, it's illegal! I'm not committing a crime!”

 

NSA Agent: “Traitor!” He points his gun at Washington and shoots him then points at Lincoln and begins to laugh.

 

Lincoln: “Why are you laughing?”

 

NSA Agent: “Because no matter what you are going to be shot in the head, so we will just send you back.”

 

Lincoln: “What? I don't want to go to that boring play, please let me stay for a few more hours!”

 

NSA Agent #2: “Sorry you got to go back.” They put Lincoln in the time machine and take him back thus keeping the timeline intact.

 

 

The End!