Fan Fiction ❯ Hit Me Baby One More Time ❯ Reno Cleans House ( Chapter 1 )

Wow… I wrote an entire chapter about cleaning Reno's apartment o.o; lmao well it's not ALL that but it's definitely interesting to see the Tseng-like Reno turn Reno's apartment into a suitable Tseng-like house hehehehehe

 

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I awoke with a loud groan one hand rubbing my forehead which I noticed was throbbing painfully.

 

“Ahhhh ohhh… ow… What the?” Not only was there a chocobo egg sized bruise on my head, but I was also soaking wet. A shiny red orb that was a summon materia was lying several feet off to one side, which, I supposed, had rolled there. Was that what had been thrown at me? I felt battered all over, like someone had used me for target practice, but I could live through that. My first priority was to get cleaned up. As I shakily stood, mouth drawn, lips thin and stern, glaring around for anyone who may have done it to me, I found that the entire presidential room had been drenched with torrents of water. Rubbing my head and wincing at the pain, glad that I was tenderly bruised and not suffering from a cracked skull, I daintily picked up the foreboding summon materia. Running a list through my head, I could only conclude that it held the spirit of Leviathon. Frowning darkly and replacing the materia on the president's desk along with the others, I brushed my hands off, fixing my collar and straightening my jacket. What….? I had reached for my tie but it was gone! Someone would pay dearly……

 

Bristling with rage and pain, I crisply stepped on the nearest elevator, my intentional destination being my apartment to change before getting back to my job. Last I remember we had reported to President Rufus and he had punished me for Reno's deeds. I'd make that clown pay later and ask him about my attacker. My hypothesis was that he knew I'd come after him for having me receive <i>his</i> punishment, so he attacked me in hopes I would perhaps forget about it. That was the wrong move buddy. Importantly, shoulders back, head up, marching as if for Rufus' welcoming ceremony, I made my way outside once off the elevator, through the glass doors which stood yards before the secretary's desk inside ShinRa HQ. My car was gone. My sleek, black, purple tinted, nearly quarter million car was gone. Clenching my fist, a tic in my temple I seriously tried to control myself. My last nerve had nearly rubbed away completely. If anyone stood in my way or opposed me or even if I just didn't like the shoes they were wearing, I'd use that as an excuse to practice some serious karate moves on them. I contemplated practicing my tai chi chuan when I got home just to clear my mind. Maybe some yoga too and herbal tea…..

 

Grunting my admission of my terrible circumstances and knowing I'd somehow overcome them, I rolled my shoulders from the slouch they had crept into and arrogantly walked down the steps, checking myself for what weapons I had. A self contained electromag rod was in an inside jacket pocket. Where were my usual weapons? My shoulder holster wasn't even being worn, same as the one for my hip. There were no throwing stars or pins or knives on me hidden anywhere at all either. My guess was someone had stripped me—Reno probably, assuming he took them, which was likely since I had them up to the point of fulfilling Rufus' report—that he thought I wouldn't be able to find him so easily and attack him. That was another wrong point since my whole body was a weapon anyway. Granted it was a weapon that needed some cleaning. God I felt disgusting!

 

My feet had taken me from the top plate to the sublevel, not quite where the sector slums were. Those were below us. Here there paved streets with ShinRa built cars here and there, sodium vapor street lights, both squashed and spacey apartment buildings, bars, some restaurants, and a bowling place. I located my brick building, wrapped in the shadows, faint traces of sunlight barely peeking through where the plate above us had cracked. Several scruffy dogs ran down the streets, chasing small dirty children. Inwardly I faintly smiled at their innocence as I swung open the front door to reveal shabby wallpaper, an overly eccentric clerk at a desk that looked as if it'd fall down gratefully any moment, and several old tacky pictures that hung on hinges on the wall. I nodded as the lady with copious amounts of make up batted her overly long, glittery fake eyelashes. Lord only knows how many times she had gotten implants but they almost amounted to her gut which stuck between her teeny bikini shorts and her tube top. I could smell her musky perfume from where I stood as well as the wafting smoke from her cigarette. I was guessing Lucy had been replaced or had gone on vacation. I nodded and she winked at me, giggling and snorting and I hurried up the flights of stairs, frightened that she may show interest in me.

 

Floor after floor repeated itself; the same wallpaper, the same carpet, the same stains, the same peeling, the same sagging doorframes, the same crooked picture frames, and the same dead plants. The only thing different was the amount of dust, only because that factor depended on who moved things in or out of a room; and the windows at the end of the halls. These came in variations of cracked, broken, grimy or simply missing altogether, or, in the case of my floor, boarded up. I grimaced as I fiddled with my key which didn't fit in the lock on my door at the end of the hall, wondering if I should get it remade. I peered into the key hole to notice it was warped, as if extreme heat had overcome it. Rubbing my temple to abate an oncoming migraine, I simply forced my way through the door instead, finding from the inside that it had never been locked in the first place. Staring in horror at my room, I thought I'd have a heart attack. Closing my eyes again and stepping outside, the door ajar behind me with my hand still on its rusted knob, I calmed myself. Reno sure as hell had gone far enough. He had turned my whole apartment upside down! It was a pigsty in scenery and stench.

 

Thankfully my nerves had calmed some on my walk home, so I wasn't too frustrated; more or less just feeling defeated. Shaking my head and turning back to what had once been my lovely home, I shivered, back to the door as I surveyed the area once more. Empty food items and clothes were strewn about, mingling with colors they shouldn't be mingling with and staining what shouldn't be stained. Several ashtrays were overflowing with ash and cigarette butts, the couch looked at if all its springs were broken and I feared what the kitchen, bedroom and bathroom all looked alike. Fearfully I peeked into the kitchen. Other than the trash in the corner which looked as if a trashcan might be hiding in the center, the plates in the sink which I was surprised weren't rusted, and the odor, it wasn't too bad. The refrigerator's contents were rather bare, housing only a few bottles of beer and several frozen dinners; nothing fresh, which disappointed me. Closing the fridge door and scratching my head with a sigh, I wondered where I should start. I really wanted to get into some clean clothes but if I cleaned up the house, I'd just have to wash again.

 

I didn't think I was brave enough to venture into the bedroom which connected from the kitchen, or the bathroom which branched from the bedroom, so I decided I'd start with the kitchen which seemed simple enough. Rolling up my sleeves and locating some heavy duty rubber gloves, I set to work on the sink, cleaning the dishes and trashing the ones that couldn't be saved. I unclogged the sink which at first spewed what could have been called a charcoal, spinach and eggplant smoothie but was coughed up and swallowed down the now clean pipe. The water ran clear, thank God and in a little less than an hour, the sink and counters were clean to my liking, although a few small rust stains remained. I next turned to the trash which seemed to emanate toward the center of the room, threatening to take it over. I pulled down two extra trash bags, wrinkling my nose, gloves still on as I shoveled the junk in the bag, securing the top by tying it and starting on another. I unearthed the trashcan which was spilling over the brim and so disgusting I decided I'd just buy a new one instead. It took me two trips to get all the garbage to the dumpster.

 

Wiping the sweat from my forehead on the back of my sleeve and wishing I hadn't, I rummaged through the closet in the kitchen against the far wall by the fridge which held cleaning supplies. Miraculously there were some, although I'd need to pick up more once I went shopping. Suffice it to say there was a mop, a broom, stain removers, a bucket, a brush, and cleaning solution. I scrubbed the floors until they sparkled the way linoleum should, and while I was at it, the table too. After only two hours of cleaning, the kitchen was in order. I looked in a side table drawer, throwing out the bits of junk I didn't need and tidying it up as I plucked a sheet of note paper from the pad and composed a list of what I so far needed. Sighing half heartedly, I removed my gloves long enough to tie my long red hair out of my face before setting off for the den. First I needed a hamper, so peeking into the bedroom, which really wasn't much better than the den, other than it was spared a large amount of food wrappers, cans, bottles and boxes, I located a hamper which had been used to hold porn magazines. Since when did I own those? Where were Home Cooking and Family Magic and Your Health?

 

I hauled the plastic hamper into the destroyed den, opening a trash bag to dump the magazines in as well as all the other miscellaneous garbage I found. I'd worry about recycling later. After throwing the mound of clothes, both dirty and semi clean into the hamper and throwing out the trash, taking the steel stepped stairs and rails down the side of the apartment building to the dumpster, the room looked better, though still grungy. After a few more hours of soaping the floor, getting all the stains out, chucking the sofa which, not only had it broken springs, but was lumpy, over stuffed in some places, under stuffed in others, was torn and stained, but reeked of what I only guessed was beer, vomit and other bodily fluids I wasn't proud to name, dusting, vacuuming, washing windows, and fixing the television, the room was bare, but clean and smelled so much nicer. Worn from the effort and cursing my body which I supposed was getting lazy, for that's how it felt, I pioneered my way into the bedroom, giving it the same treatment as the den area.

 

I chucked the bed as well, though saved what I could of the sheets since the bed really wasn't in any better shape than the sofa, and, in my opinion of odor, was worse off. I wondered if Reno had partied here the night I worked overtime until my morning shift so I ended up staying at ShinRa HQ for nearly two days straight. It certainly seemed like it. Luckily for me there was a new, never before used futon in the closet which was the only thing that had been in order. I would have bathed then, taking my time to relax and soak my head which strangely enough hadn't bothered me other than a dull throb, except the bathroom was the last thing on my list. I scrubbed the bathing and shower area, the toilet, the floor, the walls, the ceiling…. God it felt like I did the ceiling, but finally the entire tiled room was clean and smelled of lemons and shining my reflection back at me. Opening the folding doors on the right side of the bathroom I readied the water for a load of laundry and set it to work before running myself a hot bath.

 

Although I had rearranged and tidied all the drawers and cupboards, I found my shopping list was several sheets of paper long. I'd go shopping tonight after I ate one of the box dinners. Holy only knows why I bought those disgusting things in the first place. Retrieving the hamper from the bedroom and placing it between the small tin trash can next to the counter with the sink and the folding doors to the laundry room, I stripped, displacing them in there before stepping into the hot relaxing tub. I had only spent the last six or so hours cleaning, so I took my time in the bath, although I was deprived of the bath soaps, gels, shampoos, powders and bubble bath I liked to scent my water with, I was happy enough by the time I got out. I almost wished I had started laundry first, but smartly enough, clean fresh towels, along with the many white shirts and delicacies I had, were done by the time I stepped out. True I did have to get out halfway through my enjoyable bath to toss them in the dryer but it was worth it. Wrapping myself in a warm towel and glad my robe was also mostly white, soft and fluffy, I drained the tub and went into the kitchen for tea, none of which I had. Sighing, I searched around for what I'd do to pass the time as the second load of laundry churned in the wash, and I found meditation would be a good thing. My mind was still stressed with everything else that had been dumped on me, the salary cut, the extraneous work and whatnot.

 

I sat in the middle of the floor in the den, early evening sunlight streaming through the windows. Soon I was off in my own little land.

 

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The rest of the day wasn't very eventful. I finished two more loads of laundry, dressed myself neatly, finding I was also in dire need of off work clothes and went shopping. Apparently Reno and his party buddies had cleaned most of my wallet of cash. Although I returned home broke except for some pocket change, I had most of what I needed. Several new sets of clothes, hygiene necessities and a few wants, tea, food, cleaning supplies, paper products and the like. Once settled in, it was close to midnight but I was content enough. Still annoyed about the janitor duty, I figured I'd make Reno do that as well as maybe docking his paycheck for a while. He'd get his money, certainly, but we were partners. If I lived without money for a month, he had to too. Maybe one day he'd learn from his mistakes….. Stretched out on the futon under a freshly laundered blanket, hands behind my head, I was content though, and soon I was dozing, alarm clock set for six in the morning.

 

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BANG BANG BANG!

 

“Mmmm coming!” I dragged myself out of bed, clearing the sleep from my eyes with my fingers. Who the hell was pounding at my door at……. 5:30 in the morning? Work didn't even start until eight. Stretching and throwing the covers over my bed, shrugging into my robe, I heard a voice shout, oblivious that anyone else might be in the same apartment building as I. Greatly annoyed and hoping it wasn't Reno who couldn't find a stuffed animal to sleep with, I threw open the door to see…… someone from the Turks. My eyes narrowed, arms folding, carriage immediately straightening, posture perfect.

 

“Can I help you?” I asked in a low tone. The ebony haired man glared back at me. He was only an inch taller than I was.

 

“Yes, Reno. You have janitor duty on floor sixty-six. I would suggest you get to work,” he hissed. Reno? How on earth could he mistake me for Reno? That slob? Honestly.

 

“Excuse me? Who are you calling Reno? Why would you mistake me for someone like him?” I seethed back, matching his cold demeanor. His eyes flashed, but he smirked.

 

“Maybe you're just waking up, <i>Reno</i> but I expect you up there and cleaning toilets in thirty minutes.” The Turk turned with pristine clothes that could match mine. Who was he? Who did he think he was anyway?

 

“Just who do you think you are anyway?” I called after him, brows furrowed with anger that would eventually start to writhe and boil if provoked enough. He stopped, looking over his shoulder.

 

“Who do you think Reno? Quit putting on a play! My guess is you're drunk, so sober up and meet me in thirty minutes on floor 66 or I will personally drag you there myself!” he growled, voice low but still audible. I heard people in other rooms stirring from our commotion.

 

“Just wait until President Rufus hears about this! You may be a new face around ShinRa headquarters but there's no way you'd be in promotion that quickly. No one surpasses the Turks, so I don't know who you think you are but you might as well just go back to being a good civilian and stop playing dress up,” I retorted coldly, not in a taunting jeering way, but in a level, firm voice. I stood my ground as the Turk turned slowly.

 

“What did you say to me?” he asked, oily voice dangerously close to the fire, ready to erupt in flames at any second. I narrowed my eyes, still glaring sharply.

 

“I am your superior Reno. Maybe if you wake up a second time, you'll come back to your senses.” He advanced on me.

 

“The president is my only superior!” I challenged, uncrossing my arms and starting to lean into a defensive stance.

 

“Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into, Reno?”

“I'm not <i>Reno</i>.”

 

“Then who are you? AVALANCHE?”

 

“Tseng—” I was cut off before I could finish as my foe chuckled an icy, heartless laugh.

 

“That's a good one, I guess that makes me President Rufus then, doesn't it?” I eyed the Turk warily, wondering if he was sane. He laughed and shook his head before his face was abruptly stern, nearly unreadable but had an aura fraught with wrath.

 

“Do not pretend you are me, Reno,” he warned.

 

“Excuse me?” I was alarmed. What was he talking about?

 

“Did you forget who I was? Or are you too drunk. I'm Tseng. Does that sound familiar?” he spoke, as if to a small child, a twisted smirk playing on his lips.

 

“I'm afraid you're mistaken, imposter,” I imposed, hands folded up my sleeves. “You can't pretend to be me and get away with it.” My voice was milky smooth, venomous, my countenance stolid and unmovable.

 

Again he shook his head as he approached me, one hand out but nonetheless on the defense.

 

“Reno,” he crooned, “stop this God damned game and get some clothes on or else I'm dragging you up there myself; this is your last warning. With sharpened reflexes I withdrew a small tear gas bomb, sending the hallway filled with smoke. I heard him growl, covering his face, but I moved stealthily. Surprisingly enough, the imposter matched my skill and soon the smoke had dissipated. The element of surprise was on my side. He hadn't foreseen my attack so I was on him, hand pinned behind his back as he struggled. I applied a little pressure against his chin, cutting off the information to his brain and he went limp, no defenses thrown at me in any way. I surreptiously looked around as I heard more movement and complaints throughout the hallway. Several doors were beginning to unlock. Hefting the unconscious man over my shoulder, I decided to take it unto myself to interrogate him in one of ShinRa's interrogation cells. Hopefully this imposter would soon enough confess and we'd see what organization he was from. Maybe he had information about that device Rufus was after. I didn't even know the name of it but we called it project LPN.

 

I had nothing to bind him with but I knew he'd be out for a while yet. I did my morning stretches and exercises, marveling with disdain at how out of shape I seemed to be. I drank my herbal tea, cleared my mind, put on my suit and brushed back my hair. I was good to go. Picking up my imposter I head outside to find my car. So the imposter had done this, not Reno? Lips pursed, unamused, I put my shades on, threw the ebony haired man into the car, got behind the wheel and sped towards ShinRa HQ with every intention of torturing this guy into telling me everything.