Fan Fiction ❯ How To Piss Off Random Harry Potter Charaters ❯ Trelawney And Dumbledore ( Chapter 3 )

A/N: Hey everybody! I live! Okay, this one is going to be about… Professor Trelawney! And since is it going to be kind of short, I'll torture Professor Dumbledore, too!

 

Chapter 3

How To Make Trelawney Retire

And

Why Dumbledore's Eyes Twinkle

 

1: Ste- borrow her crystal ball and use it for baseball/kickball/cricket.

2: Replace her tea with some starbucks coffee

3: Spike the coffee.

4: Give her a doughnut that has chocolate covered ants as sprinkles.

 

5: Spike the doughnut.

6: Transfigure a Slytherian into a bull when Trelawney decides to wear that bright scarlet robe of hers.

7: Give all her students smoothies that make them delirious, right before the class starts.

8: Give some leftover smoothie to Trelawney and say, “This will open your inner eye, so you can see things that will happen in an alternate universe.”

 

9: Spike the smoothie some more.

10: Give the students paint ball guns, and tell them “Shooting a teacup gets you a E, but shooting Trelawney will get you an O on the finals.”

11: Replace Trelawney's glasses with McGonagalls.

12: Put glitter in her eyes so they twinkle like Dumbledore's.

 

13: Use Trelawney's pink teacups for target practice.

14: Make up an after hours shooting club, and use all of Trelawney's fragile items for target practice.

15: Draw a black dog on Trelawney's forehead while she is sleeping.

16: Shout `IT'S THE GRRRRRRIIIIIMMMMM!' during calls and point to your lovely drawing.

 

17: Record all of this happening and sell it on the Hogwart's Black market. (Wait, there is no black market…. Okay)

18: Take control of Trelawney and use her to start the Hogwart's Black market. (Much better)

19: Bring your favorite teddy bear from when you were a kid all dressed up pretty and when Trelawney passes out of tea, say `Mrs. Floppyloopykins Elizabeth Tudor Rose Anne Belle Ariel Liberty Lisa Franklin Jr. The Seventh wants some tea too.' (For extra WOW transfigure your bear to look like a bear griffin hybrid.)

20: Take Trelawney's favorite blanket that she has slept with since she was a baby (awwww, baby….. scary) hostage and the ransom is to quit Divination and run away, far away…. Then jump off the Lady Liberty.

 

_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_

(A/N: Okay, I couldn't think of a thing for Dumbledore, so it's going to be a little story! Whheeeee! Story time!)

 

It was a bright sunny day in England, March 25, 1855. In a countryside manor, a young Albus Dumbledore was celebrating his 10th birthday. While his parents were setting up the party are, Albus and his younger brother, Aberforth, were running around in the meadow.

“Come Albus, let's look at the shiny clouds!” shouted the five-year-old Aberforth.

“Alright.” The young Albus flopped down in the long grass next o his brother. “That one looks like a lemon drop! And that one over there looks like an acid pop! Oh, goodness, that one next to that big shiny thing looks like a sugar quill!”

“Albus, do you ever stop talking about candy?”

“No…. I don't think so….. Do I?”

“Hm, well I think that that looks like a martini. And that one over there looks like a bottle of rum. Oh, goodness that looks like a jug of beer!” Aberforth said excitedly, pointing to all the different clouds.

“Aberforth, do you ever stop talking about drinks?”

“No… I don't think so….. Do I?”

“You should talk more about candy!”

“No, you should talk more about drinks!”

“CANDY!”

“DRINKS!”

“Alright, let's have a contest. Whoever can stare at the sun longer wins. If I win, you have to stop thinking about drinks and give up your ambition of running a bar.”

“And if I win, you have to get a twinkle implant in BOTH your eyes, and become Headmaster of Hogwarts, then die protecting a boy who shall save the wizarding world!”

“You've been spiking your juice again, haven't you?”

“Maybe.”

“Your underage!”

“So are you!”

“Let's just start the contest.”

“3”

“2”

“GO!”

 

The boys stared at the sun for five minutes straight until,

“Ladybug…..”

“HAH! You lose Albus!”

“Damn you.”

“That not nice! Now, c'mon you're getting a twinkle implant.”

“Why must I have an intoxicated boy for a brother?”

 

And that is why Albus Dumbledore has twinkles in his eyes, became Headmaster, and died! So, if all you fans out there hate J.K. Rowling, think again, you should hate Aberforth Dumbledore, owner of Hogshead Bar.

 

_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_

 

Hoped everyone like this update! I'm going to try to update Magic And The Hippogriff next (my friend has threatened me -.- ). After that, Yusuke'sSister will probably be back, so Unwillful Trading can get updated. Please review!