Fan Fiction ❯ I Know There Is More To You ❯ Listlessly alone ( Chapter 15 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Oensaiga 
It's inexplicable. Josh is sad, he feels alone, and empty. Why? And who can help him now?
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Fantasy / Hentai | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.08.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.9K | Visits: 182 | Status: Completed
It's inexplicable. Josh is sad, he feels alone, and empty. Why? And who can help him now?
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Fantasy / Hentai | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.08.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.9K | Visits: 182 | Status: Completed
Some days I look up at the ceiling and see endless possibilities...nothing but the sky and the clouds ahead of me, room for anything to happen.
Today is not one of those days.
Today, all I see is a damn ceiling.
It was inexplicable. Josh sat in Mary’s bed, staring up at the ceiling, and saw nothing but paint on top of finish. He stayed home alone all the time, almost everyday, but he never truly felt alone. He couldn’t understand it, but today, he felt absolutely alone. Empty, lifeless, and lonely as a suicide veteran.
“Oh well...it’s another day off, like it’ll always be...I just can’t look on the bright side for some reason. It’s almost like there is no bright side right now...laying here is so boring, and it’s so lonely...why do I feel like this?” he questioned himself.
Nothing could ease him, nothing could settle him. After tossing and turning for at least an hour in the bed, he stood up and left the room, simply walking around the halls of the house, trying to clear his thoughts and distract himself, but to no avail.
“Fuck this.”
Josh only glanced at the clock to make sure he had enough time, and then quickly slid on some shorts and a shirt. Given at least 3 hours to waste, he slipped out the door and headed for the inner city.
************
“So many ups and downs...mostly ups though. Going back to school is always such a roller coaster,” Mary said quietly to herself, as she walked up the path, back to her highschool.
In some ways, she was glad to be back, and in others, she wasn’t. As for most people, going back to school meant getting to see friends and make new ones, and there were some classes that she enjoyed. On the other hand, there are always troubles with certain people that just don’t seem to get along with you, and the classes that you just hate, with teachers that follow suit.
Sometimes it seems like I have similarities to people in that sense...but I am special. I am unique...and so is he. She blushed a little bit at her thoughts, a small smile forming on her face as she opened the doors to another year of long hours and longer assignments.
*************
It feels like everyone is staring at me sometimes....
I just wish they would stop. Is there something wrong with me that they have to look?
Damnit...stop thinking so much.
Josh hadn’t gotten too far into the downtown area. He didn’t want to walk too far, seeing as he wasn’t familiar with the entire city, but he knew this place rather well. It was the farthest he ever got when he used to attempt to escape from the orphanage. He remember it perfectly, from the café on the corner to the gas station across the street, and about three blocks to the east, the hell from his past.
I don’t feel like talking to myself out here...I feel like I’ve lost my voice. People will just stare even more then...isn’t there anywhere out here that people just go to relax, or get something out of their minds?
He reached slowly into his pocket and pulled out two dollars, the only money that Dende had given him before his untimely end.
“I never spent this...but...now I think I will.”
For old times sake, and for his own thirst, he crossed the street to the café.
Inside, there was a counter, a couple of small tables with 4 chairs or so at each one, and what looked like a stage, possibly for a band or for stand-up comedy, or live poetry.
Hmmm...I wonder if she ever comes here?
Josh got a stool and sat up at the counter, sitting and resting his arms on it, and laying his head in his arms. He glanced about the café a few more times, simply taking it in and becoming familiar with it.
“Hey there. Can I get you something?” arose a quiet, calm voice, from the other side of the counter.
Josh glanced up and met his eyes to a young female, seemingly feline in origin. “Uhm...yeah. I’ll just have a glass of green tea...if you’ve got any.”
She nodded and gave a very small, soft smile. “Of course. I’ll get that for you right away.” Quickly after she headed into the backroom.
I still don’t feel any better. I can’t shake it...I feel alone and hopeless...but why? There’s no damn reason! I can’t stand this...
Josh let his head fall and hit the counter, not caring about the dull pain that slowly followed. His feelings were null, and pain was exactly the same.
The girl slowly walked back out and placed a cup next to his head. Her expression was a bit concerned, but it seemed as though she’d seen people in this condition before.
“Hmmm...you’re looking kind of down.” She sighed softly and sat on a chair behind the counter. “The tea is on the house, if you’d like. Just tell me about your troubles.”
Josh glanced up and took the cup in his hand, taking a small sip from it before setting it down and sitting up straight.
“I don’t feel all that much like talking. I can’t explain it anyway,” he said.
“I’m sure you can if you just give it a try,” she replied.
He was almost suspicious of her now. “Why do you want to talk to me at all, and why are you so interested in my problems?”
“I just hate seeing sad people come into the shop, it seems to down the mood a bit. I like to help people, anyway.”
“Well...it doesn’t matter. I appreciate it, but like I said, there’s nothing I can do to explain it. I don’t understand it myself.”
“Sounds like quite a problem, but perhaps you just don’t want to accept it. Maybe you know what’s going on, and you just can’t take it.”
He gave her a half-glare and then looked away. “You aren’t calling me weak, are you?” Because you would be one to talk...
“No, no! No...I’m not saying that at all. I just think you know what’s going on. You just need to come to terms with yourself.” She looked him right in the eyes and sighed softly. “You have very soft, gentle eyes, but they are filled with pain and confusion. You belong to someone else, don’t you?”
Josh blushed a bit and took another sip of tea. “Well...yes. Both in a romantic and a literal sense.”
“Is it about her?”
“I don’t think so...not really...I mean...maybe.” He finished his tea and left the two dollars on the counter, even though the drink was free. “Whether or not she’s the problem...I’m sure she’s the answer.”
“See you again soon,” she said, waving as he walked out.
Josh didn’t turn back, trying to avoid further eye contact, he rushed himself out of the café and walked quickly for Mary’s house.
I keep losing track of time...she could be home by now. Besides, I’m kinda glad to be out of there. She was almost creepy. Like she could read my mind and know my life story, just by looking at my eyes...
**************
Of course, Mary had just gotten home. She opened the door and stepped inside, a bit surprised to see that Josh wasn’t at the desk, writing, in the kitchen, looking for food, or sleeping on the couch.
“Josh?? Josh! Are you home?”
Hm. It’s not like him to just disappear...I mean, where would he go, anyway?
She sighed softly and put her book bag down on the couch, sitting next to it and taking a breather. School was an exhausting task for her.
Once she finally felt rested, she got up and walked into the kitchen, hoping to find some kind of after school snack. She was too busy rummaging through the cabinets to noticed Josh stepping inside the house. When he closed the door behind him, however, her ears caught onto him, and she looked over.
“Hn? Josh? Where on earth have you been?” she quickly asked.
Josh didn’t say much of anything. The expression on his face hadn’t changed from earlier, so he still looked like a bit of an emotional drag.
“Josh...where were you? Are you okay?” She quickly headed over to him and looked him right in the eyes, trying to get the truth out of him.
Josh sighed a bit, trying to be as vague as possible. “It was an...odd day. I was just soul-searching.”
She grabbed his face and pulled him closer to her, looking dead into his eyes. “Tell me everything.”
He felt an odd shock at her touch, as if part of his mood had been lifted. Mary was being stern, but she was concerned, and she cared about him.
Somehow, I couldn’t feel it at first...but I understand now.
He suddenly hugged her tightly and nuzzled her, now ready and able to tell the truth. “I was confused...I was sad. I felt alone. I don’t know what it was, or why...but...it was silly. I’ve got a perfectly good reason to be happy.”
Mary blushed a bit and smiled, hugging him back, now a little confused herself. “Ohh...well...okay. I’m glad you’re feeling better, pup.”
I feel so stupid now...of course I felt sad, I felt alone...I felt lonely. I get it. For a while, I was alone. But...
“She’ll always be with me.”
“Hm? What was that, Josh?”
He smiled softly and gave her a quick kiss. “It’s nothing, love.”
It’s been an odd couple of days. I felt absolutely horrible and alone, probably because I have been away from “her” for quite a while. Some people tell me I’m weak or I’m silly, but I just don’t care. I felt so lonely and empty that it didn’t matter to me. But now, today, I feel a bit better. Thus the slightly happier ending. You can read more about my condition in my other story, “Memoirs of a Silver Angel”.
Thanks, and keep reading!
Today is not one of those days.
Today, all I see is a damn ceiling.
It was inexplicable. Josh sat in Mary’s bed, staring up at the ceiling, and saw nothing but paint on top of finish. He stayed home alone all the time, almost everyday, but he never truly felt alone. He couldn’t understand it, but today, he felt absolutely alone. Empty, lifeless, and lonely as a suicide veteran.
“Oh well...it’s another day off, like it’ll always be...I just can’t look on the bright side for some reason. It’s almost like there is no bright side right now...laying here is so boring, and it’s so lonely...why do I feel like this?” he questioned himself.
Nothing could ease him, nothing could settle him. After tossing and turning for at least an hour in the bed, he stood up and left the room, simply walking around the halls of the house, trying to clear his thoughts and distract himself, but to no avail.
“Fuck this.”
Josh only glanced at the clock to make sure he had enough time, and then quickly slid on some shorts and a shirt. Given at least 3 hours to waste, he slipped out the door and headed for the inner city.
************
“So many ups and downs...mostly ups though. Going back to school is always such a roller coaster,” Mary said quietly to herself, as she walked up the path, back to her highschool.
In some ways, she was glad to be back, and in others, she wasn’t. As for most people, going back to school meant getting to see friends and make new ones, and there were some classes that she enjoyed. On the other hand, there are always troubles with certain people that just don’t seem to get along with you, and the classes that you just hate, with teachers that follow suit.
Sometimes it seems like I have similarities to people in that sense...but I am special. I am unique...and so is he. She blushed a little bit at her thoughts, a small smile forming on her face as she opened the doors to another year of long hours and longer assignments.
*************
It feels like everyone is staring at me sometimes....
I just wish they would stop. Is there something wrong with me that they have to look?
Damnit...stop thinking so much.
Josh hadn’t gotten too far into the downtown area. He didn’t want to walk too far, seeing as he wasn’t familiar with the entire city, but he knew this place rather well. It was the farthest he ever got when he used to attempt to escape from the orphanage. He remember it perfectly, from the café on the corner to the gas station across the street, and about three blocks to the east, the hell from his past.
I don’t feel like talking to myself out here...I feel like I’ve lost my voice. People will just stare even more then...isn’t there anywhere out here that people just go to relax, or get something out of their minds?
He reached slowly into his pocket and pulled out two dollars, the only money that Dende had given him before his untimely end.
“I never spent this...but...now I think I will.”
For old times sake, and for his own thirst, he crossed the street to the café.
Inside, there was a counter, a couple of small tables with 4 chairs or so at each one, and what looked like a stage, possibly for a band or for stand-up comedy, or live poetry.
Hmmm...I wonder if she ever comes here?
Josh got a stool and sat up at the counter, sitting and resting his arms on it, and laying his head in his arms. He glanced about the café a few more times, simply taking it in and becoming familiar with it.
“Hey there. Can I get you something?” arose a quiet, calm voice, from the other side of the counter.
Josh glanced up and met his eyes to a young female, seemingly feline in origin. “Uhm...yeah. I’ll just have a glass of green tea...if you’ve got any.”
She nodded and gave a very small, soft smile. “Of course. I’ll get that for you right away.” Quickly after she headed into the backroom.
I still don’t feel any better. I can’t shake it...I feel alone and hopeless...but why? There’s no damn reason! I can’t stand this...
Josh let his head fall and hit the counter, not caring about the dull pain that slowly followed. His feelings were null, and pain was exactly the same.
The girl slowly walked back out and placed a cup next to his head. Her expression was a bit concerned, but it seemed as though she’d seen people in this condition before.
“Hmmm...you’re looking kind of down.” She sighed softly and sat on a chair behind the counter. “The tea is on the house, if you’d like. Just tell me about your troubles.”
Josh glanced up and took the cup in his hand, taking a small sip from it before setting it down and sitting up straight.
“I don’t feel all that much like talking. I can’t explain it anyway,” he said.
“I’m sure you can if you just give it a try,” she replied.
He was almost suspicious of her now. “Why do you want to talk to me at all, and why are you so interested in my problems?”
“I just hate seeing sad people come into the shop, it seems to down the mood a bit. I like to help people, anyway.”
“Well...it doesn’t matter. I appreciate it, but like I said, there’s nothing I can do to explain it. I don’t understand it myself.”
“Sounds like quite a problem, but perhaps you just don’t want to accept it. Maybe you know what’s going on, and you just can’t take it.”
He gave her a half-glare and then looked away. “You aren’t calling me weak, are you?” Because you would be one to talk...
“No, no! No...I’m not saying that at all. I just think you know what’s going on. You just need to come to terms with yourself.” She looked him right in the eyes and sighed softly. “You have very soft, gentle eyes, but they are filled with pain and confusion. You belong to someone else, don’t you?”
Josh blushed a bit and took another sip of tea. “Well...yes. Both in a romantic and a literal sense.”
“Is it about her?”
“I don’t think so...not really...I mean...maybe.” He finished his tea and left the two dollars on the counter, even though the drink was free. “Whether or not she’s the problem...I’m sure she’s the answer.”
“See you again soon,” she said, waving as he walked out.
Josh didn’t turn back, trying to avoid further eye contact, he rushed himself out of the café and walked quickly for Mary’s house.
I keep losing track of time...she could be home by now. Besides, I’m kinda glad to be out of there. She was almost creepy. Like she could read my mind and know my life story, just by looking at my eyes...
**************
Of course, Mary had just gotten home. She opened the door and stepped inside, a bit surprised to see that Josh wasn’t at the desk, writing, in the kitchen, looking for food, or sleeping on the couch.
“Josh?? Josh! Are you home?”
Hm. It’s not like him to just disappear...I mean, where would he go, anyway?
She sighed softly and put her book bag down on the couch, sitting next to it and taking a breather. School was an exhausting task for her.
Once she finally felt rested, she got up and walked into the kitchen, hoping to find some kind of after school snack. She was too busy rummaging through the cabinets to noticed Josh stepping inside the house. When he closed the door behind him, however, her ears caught onto him, and she looked over.
“Hn? Josh? Where on earth have you been?” she quickly asked.
Josh didn’t say much of anything. The expression on his face hadn’t changed from earlier, so he still looked like a bit of an emotional drag.
“Josh...where were you? Are you okay?” She quickly headed over to him and looked him right in the eyes, trying to get the truth out of him.
Josh sighed a bit, trying to be as vague as possible. “It was an...odd day. I was just soul-searching.”
She grabbed his face and pulled him closer to her, looking dead into his eyes. “Tell me everything.”
He felt an odd shock at her touch, as if part of his mood had been lifted. Mary was being stern, but she was concerned, and she cared about him.
Somehow, I couldn’t feel it at first...but I understand now.
He suddenly hugged her tightly and nuzzled her, now ready and able to tell the truth. “I was confused...I was sad. I felt alone. I don’t know what it was, or why...but...it was silly. I’ve got a perfectly good reason to be happy.”
Mary blushed a bit and smiled, hugging him back, now a little confused herself. “Ohh...well...okay. I’m glad you’re feeling better, pup.”
I feel so stupid now...of course I felt sad, I felt alone...I felt lonely. I get it. For a while, I was alone. But...
“She’ll always be with me.”
“Hm? What was that, Josh?”
He smiled softly and gave her a quick kiss. “It’s nothing, love.”
It’s been an odd couple of days. I felt absolutely horrible and alone, probably because I have been away from “her” for quite a while. Some people tell me I’m weak or I’m silly, but I just don’t care. I felt so lonely and empty that it didn’t matter to me. But now, today, I feel a bit better. Thus the slightly happier ending. You can read more about my condition in my other story, “Memoirs of a Silver Angel”.
Thanks, and keep reading!