Fan Fiction ❯ In The Mind Of Another ❯ Paying Respects And Dues ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: Since I obviously don't own the copyright to Teen Titans, I'm taking advantage of the Fair Use Clause of the Copyright laws to write a story with them in it. Who knew the government would protect the little guys? Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

 

Author's Note: This is the last chapter of In The Mind Of Another, and will be continued in: Stealing The Future. Enjoy.

 

Chapter 4: Paying Respects And Dues

 

Beast Boy stretched, he didn't know when he nodded off, but he hoped that Robin didn't find out. Besides, it couldn't have been too long; Robin would have woken him up if he had left the room. With a slightly relieved smile Beast Boy got up and opened the door to check on Red X. What he saw was Raven lying on the bed and Robin sitting next to her, the first strands of sunlight filtering through the blinds landing on her pale face and his black hair. Red X was gone.

“I'm assuming you didn't see Red X leave, did you?” Robin asked quietly, not bothering to turn around.

“Uh… heh heh… I… didn't notice…” Beast Boy grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. Robin simply nodded, and continued watching Raven, Beast Boy looked over at her, she was asleep. “Hey how did he get past you two?” Beast Boy cringed when he realized what he had said, and worse Robin didn't respond. Beast Boy was in trouble, big trouble, possibly in more trouble than he had ever been in before…

“It doesn't matter.” Robin said and ran his gloved hands threw his hair, “Don't worry about it… I… just leave.” Beast Boy gawked at Robin, he had expected yelling, ranting, and raving for letting Red X get away. Robin simply wanted him to leave the room? Something was seriously wrong.

“Is everything alright?” Beast Boy asked cautiously.

“Raven is asleep. Be quiet or leave.”

Beast Boy gnawed on his lip, something had definitely happened… but it was best to let it go for now, his stomach was rumbling and he certainly didn't want to anger Robin when he was being let off the hook so easily. With a slight nod, Beast Boy turned and left, closing the door as gently as he could.

Robin didn't bother to watch his friend leave; he would talk to him later. Right now he had other things on his mind, mainly the violet haired, lavender eyed girl that lay in front of him. Raven… had seen things about him that even he hadn't known until now. She knew who he was behind the mask. She had helped him in so many ways, taking on the burden of learning his past so she could help him, sapping the intensity of dangerous emotions away so he could regain control of himself, and endangering her own welfare so he could enter Red X's mind.

And what had he done? He had repaid her with paranoid ranting and physical attacks when they were in Red X's mind. Robin was sickened to his core at his actions. He had attacked the one person who was truly helping him. The others had offered their sympathies, but Raven had gone far beyond any of them in trying to help him, and he had attacked her. His head hung down limply, looking down at her, as she took in slow, rhythmic breathes. How was he going to apologize to her? He shook his and let out a long breath. Finally he let his head fall into his hands, “I'm sorry Raven… I'm so sorry…”

`I'm sorry Raven… I'm so sorry…' the sound resounded in Raven's mind for a moment, cutting through the last wisps of sleep. Raven opened her eyes weakly, her head was filled with a dull ache and she slowly reached towards it. She groaned slightly and Robin looked up, “Raven. You're awake.” She nodded but kept her head on the pillow. “I didn't wake you did I?” Robin's voice quavered.

Once again she shook her head, “No…” She let her hand fall away from her head and looked up at him, “How are you?”

Robin looked at her confused, “I'm sorry.”

The dull pounding in her head increased a bit and she sat up painfully, Robin cringed, and put his hand behind her back to help her up. She looked at his arm around her back, then at him, raising an eyebrow, “Robin, I have a headache, I'm fine, but are you?”

Robin could barely comprehend what he was hearing, “Raven, I'm sorry for what I did. I forced you to get me into Red X's mind and then attacked you. I…”

“Robin, I understand, it's my fault. Your emotions were coming back erratically; it's not your fault. I just want to make sure you're not hurt.”

“But Raven, I attacked you.” He drew back ashamed, “I never should have forced you to do any of it.”

“Robin, you are not listening. It was not your fault.” She laid a hand on his shoulder and glowered at him, “Now Robin, tell me if you are injured.” After a brief pause he shook his head and Raven let out a relieved sigh, “Good.”

Robin bit his lip, “Raven…”

Her grip tightened on his shoulder, “If you apologize again, you're going to be thankful that you're already in a hospital.” He nodded dumbly and she relaxed her grip. Raven's harsh expression softened, “Look, I'm sorry I know last night must have been a lot to take in.”

Robin didn't respond, and Raven could feel the strain and tension in his mind, trying to fit the new knowledge about his family and their deaths… no, their murders… put it somewhere, trying to deal with it, but trying to avoid thinking about it as well. His mind was filled with confusion, self-doubt, and uncertainty, “Raven… I don't know what to do…” His voice sounded odd, a mixture of fear and anger, “Why did Red X show me that? Why did he show that to me?”

“You saw how he acted… you know more about him than me, you knew him as a child…”

There was a long pause and Raven couldn't read Robin, something about him, there was something there, but then again, there was something missing as well, “Raven… I don't remember him. I don't remember much about my childhood. I can't remember anything about that time; I've blocked it all out. I have nothing left… except for what Red X has given me.”

Raven watched Robin closely; he was trembling slightly, but was trying desperately to keep up a calm façade. There was a tension there that she had never seen in him before, a fear that filled him. “You know as much about my childhood as I do, Raven.” He said bluntly, and then frowned deeply, running his hands threw his hair.

Raven released him, hands still hovering in front of him, “Robin, I didn't know.”

“Nobody does, I didn't know, I never thought about it. I never wanted to think about it. Red X is dragging up things in the past, things that don't matter, things that…” Raven touched his cheek wiping away a tear that had started falling without his knowing it. He tried to look away, tried to hold back the tears welling up in his eyes, tried to focus, but everything was too much, he was overwhelmed.

“Robin, you can't lie to yourself. This does matter, it changes things.” Raven said, staring at his masked face, “It may not matter that Red X was once your friend, but think about what he showed you about your parents. They were wonderful people Robin, they tried to do the right thing.”

“They're dead because they were wonderful people.” He growled, “They died, left me alone…”

Raven lowered her head, “Robin, I know they didn't want that…”

“How would YOU know?” He snarled, fists shaking in anger, “You never even met them.”

“From what you said you don't know them either, you just said that I know as much as you do.” Raven replied in an even tone.

Robin's fists unclenched and he looked at her desperately, “Raven, I…”

“You never grieved... you've never allowed yourself to. Robin, you have to grieve, you can't let this destroy you. Your parents wouldn't want you to do this to yourself.” Robin looked away ashamed, unwilling and unable to admit it to himself, let alone Raven. That's when he felt her soft arms grab him, holding him close, pulling him forward into a full hug. “Let it out.” Her voice had softened and was soothing; he rested his head on her shoulder, swallowing the lump in his throat. He hated being weak, having to rely on others, even if it was his own teammates, but… Raven… she didn't make it harder… she understood.

There was a long silence, and in a pained voice Robin finally began to speak, “Why did they have to die?” He pulled away slightly, looking into her eyes, the look on his face was pleading for answers. Raven knew she would never be able to answer them, nobody could. “Why did they have to die? Why was I left alone?”

“Robin, I would be lying if I answered that question.” Robin looked down in defeat, “Robin, you have to believe that they didn't want that to happen, they didn't want to leave you alone. They wanted the best for you.”

Robin let the words sink in, any semblance of his normal calm persona was gone. He was being open, being true to himself, something he hadn't done in so long… it strained his mind to remember the last time. He had never grieved for his parents; he had never allowed himself to for fear that he would be letting them go… His head fell back onto Raven's shoulder, lying there and letting tears pour out.

Raven held him gently, slowly moving her arm around his back, trying to soothe him as he finally released his feelings in a deluge. He had been through so much, feelings and fears suppressed for so long had been touched off, and she needed to be a pillar of strength for him as he had been for the rest of the team so many times before. The others had always viewed their leader with a bit of awe, as he disregarded himself for others, selfless in every sense of the term. Now it was his turn to be the selfish one, after so long of pushing himself, his own desires aside, he needed to release it all.

Beast Boy watched in stunned silence. He hadn't made any noise opening the door, simply slipping underneath it as a fly just in case Raven was still asleep. But what he found inside stunned him. Robin was crying… Robin, of all people was crying. Beast Boy had never seen Robin come anywhere near tears, even after the most painful battles. And here he was nestled in Raven's arms, head lying on her shoulder, weeping openly. He could only stare in shock and a bit of horror, unable to think of a cause. He almost walked over to put his hand on Robin's shoulder, to try to comfort him in any way, but something held him back. Perhaps Raven knew he was in the room and was surreptitiously warning him not to interfere, or it was an animal instinct, but Beast Boy halted himself before he came anywhere near Robin. He took a few quite steps back, returned to the form of a fly, and snuck under the doorframe, leaving Raven to comfort Robin alone.

 

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A solitary figure walked into the cold morning alone, the first rays of sunlight revealing the reddening bandages. His breath was visible in the air, temporarily hovering in front of him before being blown from his path as he trudged on. Red X, Jack Malnor, continued walking, holding himself as best as he could to retain what warmth was left in his battered and scarred frame. He wouldn't last long in this condition, not in this cold, not with the injuries he had sustained.

The snow swirled around him, biting him as much as the wind that drove it into him. There were drifts here and there, concealing the flowers left there to those who hadn't been forgotten. A few lumps were taller than the others, many were shorter, revealing frosted stone placards. A few carved letters were visible, as were some dates.

`Beloved Son'…

`Friend To All'…

`Loving Mother'…

`Beloved Father'…

`Devoted Father'… The last one stung Red X. He had found it…

 

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Robin stood, his face red, uniform disheveled, and his mask was barely clinging to his face. Raven looked at him uncertain of what to do. He had stopped crying, but she knew things weren't finished, she could feel a need to do something final, something he had avoided his entire life. “Raven…” His voice was weak, and he paused to regain what little composure he could, “I need… to…” he stopped again, bowing his head, “I need to see my parents.”

Raven watched him, the pain in his voice was obvious, but the fear there, the desperation that pervaded his voice, made things so much more difficult. She stood, lightly touching his shoulder, “I'll take you.” He nodded, then sat down heavily, he was so drained, the least of which was caused from being up for the past forty-eight hours straight. She kneeled down in front of him, “You don't have to do it now if you don't want to Robin, I can take you later…”

“No.” He looked down at her, “Not later, I have to do it now. I have put this off long enough.” The look of resolve on his face, his normal determined appearance, had reappeared, if only for a moment.

“Where are they?”

“Jump City Cemetery, they were born here… I guess that's why I came.” He said absently, and then forced the weakest of smiles to Raven. She nodded and black energies enshrouded them, covering and concealing them. Raven's powers drew them together in the shape of a giant raven, which took flight through the wall, out of the hospital, and flew high in the cold morning sky. To any who looked, it would have appeared that a horrific bird, nearly as large as a man was gliding over the city, looking for it's proper nesting place… anyone who would have followed it might have thought it proper that it landed in the cemetery.

Raven landed softly outside the entrance, Robin stepping out of the bird shaped construct that Raven had used to teleport them. The ground was covered with snow, the winter in Jump City had been unusually cold, the first snow in ages. Raven wondered how Robin would ever find his parents, but followed him as he walked forward through the snow, completely unhindered and seeming to know with all certainty where he was going. The snow bit at Raven's exposed legs, her small boot like shoes were caked in snow, the wind was bitter and she to put her cowl up. Robin's hair blew around wildly in the wind, but he did not seem to notice, simply walking forward ignoring the elements that battered him and Raven. Suddenly he stopped and changed direction, turning into a narrow row of smaller, thinner tombstones before reaching the spot.

Kneeling down, he slowly brushed the snow away from the two tombstones, his father's and his mother's one right next to each other. Raven watched him for a moment, then turned to leave him to his grief when she heard in a strained voice, “Stay.”

“What?” She raised an eyebrow looking back to Robin who was sitting between the two graves.

He looked back at her, “I want you to stay Raven, please.”

With a bit of uncertainty, she grabbed her cloak to shield herself from the cutting wind, then nodded, standing behind him. Robin didn't say anything simply looking between the two plots. “Mom… Dad… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never came here before, that I never tried to talk to you. I wanted to see you again, I just… it just hurt too much…”

He laughed harshly at himself, “Hurt too much. I'm sorry. I didn't want to give you up. I…” There was a long pause, the wind driving more snow onto the graves, which he calmly brushed away before continuing, “I miss you so much… how I've missed you…” Raven didn't even need to see his face to know he was crying again, “I don't know why it happened. I can't understand why it happened. It was just… and then you were gone… I couldn't save you… why couldn't I have saved you?” He felt a gnawing at the pit of his stomach, a tremendous pain, “I just stood there and watched you fall…”

A hand rested on his shoulder, Raven stood behind him stolidly, “Robin, you were just a child, nobody would have expected you to save them.”

He nodded slowly, although he was still very uncertain of that himself, he would at least agree for the moment. He turned back to his parents smiling faintly, “I didn't tell you earlier, but I'm a member of the Teen Titans now. Robin… you would hate it. I'm always getting into danger…”

He chuckled wryly, “My teammate…” He looked back at her, a small weak smile on his face, “…my friend Raven is here with me. You never met her, but I'm certain you'd like her.” Raven blushed, uncertain how to take what he was saying. He dipped his head again, “Mom, Dad, I have to go now… but I want you to know I still love you, and I always will.”

There was a moment where he sat there, looking at their graves, unsure how to leave, but then, finally getting up without saying another word, he grabbed Raven and held her tightly, “Thank you…” He murmured, Raven paused, slowly wrapping her arms around him as well, “…thank you for everything…”

Clap. Clap. Clap. The sounds of three claps came from nowhere apparently, Robin and Raven looking about to see who had been spying on them. There was a shift and then a low bitter chuckle that was cut off by a hacking cough. They looked back; Jack Malnor was getting up from a tombstone a few rows down. The bandages that covered his chest were bloody and tattered, some dangling and being whipped about by the wind. The waistband of the thin pants he had taken from the hospital were a deep red color, and a few small blood trails flowed past and down his legs. His movement was slow, the intense cold and the wounds he had received were clearly affecting him. Robin and Raven stood there watching him.

He shook his head, sending a small amount of snow from his nearly soaked hair, and chuckled, “Touching.” Robin frowned deeply, and Raven glared at him. “Really.” He took a few steps, then stumbled, falling to one knee and leaning on another tombstone for support.

“What are you doing here?” Robin growled, walking towards him.

“Same thing you are… paying my respects to my family.” He waved his arm backward showing a trail in the snow, and then lifted a shattered chunk of stone, the letters Mal were carved into it. Robin paused, looking at the stone until Jack dropped it, the stone disappearing into the snow, “He died two years ago, a combination of his devotion to me and his love of humanity.” Red X snorted, trying to rise, but falling back onto one knee and then falling forward, barely able to support himself on his arms and knees.

Robin kneeled down next to him, scowling at the toppled figure, “We have to get him back to the hospital.”

“Dick, you have to lighten up a little bit…” Red X murmured, apparently trying to crawl forward.

Raven walked over to Robin's side, grabbing Jack and starting to envelope them in the same dark energies that had brought them there. Jack grabbed her hand, “No…” He rooted around in the snow, recovering the stone he had dropped. With a grunt he hefted himself back up to his feet, taking the last few steps, he trudged over to where Robin had been moments before. Jack looked to graves, swallowing the hard lump in his throat. “They didn't deserve what happened to them…”

Robin bristled, “Get away from them…” Robin's voice became low and venomous, “You have no right to be anywhere near them.”

He looked to Robin, “You don't deserve what happened to you…” He swept his arms out loosely towards the tombstones, “You know they were the only people to ever try to help me, Dick? Ever. And they died because of it. They died because of me. Hate me, kill me, I don't care at this point.” He sat down between the two graves, “I just want you to know… I'm sorry. It's meaningless, but I'm sorry.” His voice sounded hollow, broken and shattered. All traces of arrogance or sarcasm were gone, and he looked at them with tired eyes. “My father should be here… not your parents." He tossed the cracked and broken fragment of his father's tombstone between their graves and was silent.

Robin looked at the cracked stone, lying face down on the ground, “Raven… get him to the hospital.” This time Red X didn't put up a fight, looking longingly at the family that his father had stolen from his friend and himself so long ago.