Fan Fiction ❯ Inside the Silence ❯ Tower of Gray ( Chapter 5 )

Note to Disclaimers: I do not and never will own Teen Titans so please do not sue me, as I have nothing to give you. I'm a struggling college student here. And I think you already know how I feel about the pairings.

A/N: Wahoo! Chapter 5 has crashed the building! There are going to be new enemies; the max will be 2, I think. Yes, Slade is alive--he's just not here yet; well, at least not in the flesh. However, most of that stuff will have to wait for future chapters! It's going to be longer than I originally planned, so we'll see how it fills out, eh? This will eventually begin to have Terra in it, as I've decided she will be in it, indefinitely. People will begin to understand why. For those of you who do not like Raven/Beast Boy or Robin/Starfire, I warn you -- DO NOT READ THIS FIC! You will be disappointed unless you're open to those pairings, and will most likely want to flame me, which is fine-even though I warned you. You'll do it anyway, right? Constructive Criticism is welcome, as always. Enjoy.

Word coding is as follows:

`Thoughts'

"Speaking"

Everything else

Inside the Silence(Tower of Gray)

Robin stared intensely at the young woman before him. Starfire had barely touched her pizza as her luminous emerald eyes gazed back into Robin's mask, for she could not see his eyes. Neither spoke, not sure whether it was safe to discuss the topic of their friends in such a happy atmosphere. It seemed that the High School kids were having a late night pizza party; the parlor was more than packed, which was why Starfire and Robin were perched on the roof. The aroma of freshly baked edibles drifted into their noses, filling them with some comfort and warmth that no longer seemed to exist within the walls of Titan's Tower. Starfire spoke. "Robin, does this issue involve friends Raven and Beast Boy? Do they have, as you call it, feelings for each other?"

Her comment, though innocent, caused Robin's stomach to churn in discomfort as he turned his head to the night sky, choosing not to face her. His feelings were resurfacing, he knew. "Yeah Star, this has to do with them...and so much more, like Slade."

Her almond shaped eyes widened at the mere mention of their arch enemy's name. "But he has been dead for many years! Robin, I do not understand..."

He sighed heavily as her hands fidgeted with each other, his mind suddenly anywhere but the topic of Slade Wilson. He cursed his thoughts as he fought for control of his emotions. To his luck, Starfire was battling a heinous war of her own, one she had never experienced in all her years of being a Tamaranian on earth. She, too, was struggling to understand the changes going on in her body and mind. She had noticed that over the years, things between her and Robin had steadily begun to change-not big changes, but they were definitely there. She didn't know what to call such changes since she was not from earth, but she knew that they left her feeling slightly uncomfortable and edgy. `This must be this concept of…maturity that earthlings speak of so often.' All around her things were beginning to change at such an alarming pace that she had started questioning what had made the changes even start. It was as if a domino effect had taken place; it irked her. Starfire was not that new to earth anymore, and yet some things still left her in complete confusion and wonderment. For example, Robin's behavior tonight had left her curious; was he avoiding her on purpose?

It was true that he had taken her for pizza but they had hardly talked or interacted until she'd opened her mouth. Robin had barely spoken the entire time they'd been out; she felt as though they'd accomplished nothing. Starfire gasped at Robin's touch as he motioned that it was time for them to return to the Tower. In front of her, Robin was readying his motorcycle, carefully placing the helmet on his head. He reached for the other helmet, adjusting the straps on it before handing it to Starfire. She accepted it slowly, as though she was not aware of her surroundings-Robin was puzzled. `Something is…off…' He brushed the thought away as they both mounted the motorbike and headed for home, the wind whipping violently through Starfire's fiery red hair. As she clung tighter to Robin's frame, she squeezed her eyes shut in hopes to block out the voices that had suddenly begun to plague her.

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The slight humming from the garage went unnoticed by most of the occupants in the Tower, save for one. Cyborg sat tiredly upon an empty metal crate next to his toolbox, eye half closed. His ruby cybernetic eye continually ran systematic scans of the surrounding area. His mind felt weary of all around him as he listened to the macabre silence that had settled on Titan Tower like a blanket over the past few years. His thoughts drifted to each titan, each of his friends: Robin, now Nightwing, Starfire, Beast Boy...Raven. His whirlwind of thoughts focused on the apathetic empathic who lie in her room, visions full of nightmares. Over the years since her joining, Raven had become like a sister to him, a person who he could talk to when he needed it. He smiled, remembering what he'd discovered about Beast Boy and the quiet Goth woman. `But when Raven feels...' His joyful musings came to a violent halt at the obvious pain it must have caused her to hold such strong emotions inside, as demonstrated earlier. He ignored the incessant beeping of his status monitor, which displayed positive results on his system check. His mind was elsewhere.

He didn't know exactly what had transpired between his two teammates, but he did figure it was bad enough that Raven would destroy things. Normally he would do inventory type work only if Raven's temper flew off the handle; it was the only time she'd melt practically everything in the tower. `It's only a matter of time before she melts the entire tower,' he shook his head as he began stacking car parts into their proper places. Starfire and Robin were out, he knew. However, he knew nothing of the whereabouts of Beast Boy and Raven. Automatically he would assume that after the incident hours before, that Beast Boy would have placed Raven in her room, and then retreated to his own room out of shame, which had been happening a lot lately.

Yet he couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to the situation than either was letting on, not to mention that he felt like Beast Boy had not returned to his room as he usually did. Taking a quick run around the room, he made sure everything was in place before making his exit to the upper levels of the living space. As usual, the living room itself was quiet as a tomb, the kitchen not too far off except for the pleasant drone of the refrigerator. `Cleared,' he thought.

Carefully, he made his way up the steps to where all the occupants of Titan Tower resided when sleeping, or when they just did not feel like seeing anyone. He passed Robin and Starfire's doors with relative ease, knowing full well that they were not present. At Beast Boy's he paused, double-checking to see if the metamorphic was in his room. At the sound of even snoring he nodded and headed for Raven's room. At her door he pulled up his left arm to check her stats, glad that he'd upgraded so he would not invade on her space while she slept peacefully, he hoped. Her system scan checked out-she was normal, at least, in her vital signs. Mentally, as always, he knew to think otherwise. He glanced to his room, then, to Raven's again, his eyes lingering on the cool metal surface for mere minutes before walking to his own door. Once inside his room, he plugged in all necessary cords into his inputs as he settled down on his metallic recharge bed. He knew he'd be doing a lot of pondering in the very near future, but for now, he felt rest was the best solution.

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Beast Boy sat down on the stool for the 3rd time in one minute. He had been pacing in the room for over an hour, his mind heavy with worry about the young woman sleeping before him. Had she been sleeping peacefully he might have left hours ago; but that was not the case. Raven had been tossing and turning for well over a few hours, clearly from nightmares, but she had not awakened from the terrible visions she was having. He tried to soothe her, every now and then running his fingers through her purple-black hair in a soft manner. He hoped she would calm down, but every time he touched her she cried out in pain as though he had burned her. He recoiled as she suddenly thrashed about, her arm flailing in his direction as she struck a vase off her lamp desk.

She suddenly shot up through her covers, sending half of the satin-like material into the wall from her outburst. She clutched her heart through her leotard, fingers gripping her chest as though it might leap from its cavern. Her breathing was labored, her chest heaving with every breath she took as she kept her eyes closed tightly. At first Beast Boy thought she had noticed him, but when she did not acknowledge him, he cowered back into the shadows of her room, unsure of whether now was a good time to confront her about their interaction earlier.

Raven stared blankly as Beast Boy gazed off into space, neither wanting to really face each other. Her mind was anywhere but the room; it had drifted off as she turned her stare to her hands. Her head hurt, along with every other part of her body. She vaguely remembered shrieking before she blacked out, but all other memories were a blur. She didn't even recall why she had passed out in the first place, but she suspected it had something to do with the changeling who had moved next to her bed. He had been extremely quiet since her awakening, not offering much information as he stayed within the confines of her bleak room. Her thoughts were running haywire with the possibilities their situation presented. Beast Boy coughed, which made Raven jump ever so slightly. She blushed when he turned to her.

"Rae, are you feeling better?"

"Sure...why wouldn't I?" She knew he didn't believe her. "Look, I am fine. My body is a little sore...otherwise...I'm just fine. There is no need to worry."

Beast Boy shook his head, looking utterly defiant, which had become somewhat of a norm for him as of the past few years. "I'll worry all I want."

"Listen, I don't want to have an argument again." She sighed as he began standing up. "Just drop it."

"Raven..."

For her part, Raven was restraining from screaming as the pain that erupted through her body intensified ten-fold, her body feeling as though white-hot fire had encompassed it. She inhaled a large, shaky breath as she awaited the agonizing feeling to leave her. Instead, it seeped deeper into her veins like poison, making a slow path through her bloodstream. What she hated most was the fact that her body felt so weakened, something she never liked as any part of her, whether it was physical, mental or emotional. She was about to stick her arm out to keep Beast Boy at bay but he came no closer than he already was, his apprehension breaking into her shield. She knew he thought that she hadn't felt him when she had indeed; she was just under quite the amount of pressure. Controlling her feelings around him was getting harder by each second; as the days progressed, it would become increasingly difficult, she knew. To resolve her conflict, she kept herself turned away from him as she spoke. "Beast Boy, I need you to leave."

His jaw dropped. "What? But Raven..."

"Leave." Her voice traveled throughout the room, breaking the deafening silence that had started to suffocate them. Her voice echoed off the walls as she watched Beast Boy back away like a wounded animal.

"Fine," he said as the door to her room hissed open. "Whatever you want...I'll do it."

His hesitant steps caused her heart to clench within her chest from pain, but she brushed it off, as it was crucial that he leave her alone. With that he was gone, leaving Raven to the solitude of her dreary room. She ignored the sadness that crept into her body from Beast Boy's emotions. Once he'd exited the room, Raven curled into herself again, reliving the pain she'd felt from last time. She hugged herself, feeling a deadly cold creep into her skin as she felt slow tears trail down her cheeks. `Beast Boy...I'm sorry...I just can't feel...it's too dangerous!' Without realizing her emotions, Raven was surprised when her pillow exploded, spraying her with goose feathers. She cursed heavily as the white feathers settled all around her; thankful her cloak concealed her from the offensive objects. `Great...just what I need.' She recalled everything from Beast Boy coming to her `supposed' rescue, to her so-called encounter with Slade; or at least whom she felt was Slade.

A part of her was begging Beast Boy to come back, sweep her up like a princess in his arms; but that was never going to be their reality, even if they did decided to consummate some sort of a relationship. Raven sighed again as her hands began to gently pluck the feathers from around her, discarding them somewhere far away from her, most likely on the side of the bed in a small pile. Her mind was so far from the actual feathers that she didn't even notice that she had stopped picking up the horrendous white objects; she'd been picking at air. Her fingernails curled around the soft, silky material of her remaining sheets as she pulled them away.

Everything around her appeared foreign as she regained capability of her legs, standing gingerly as she realized what time it was. `Everyone should be asleep...it's so late.' The digital clock showed its bright blue numbers in her face, the beeping blaring from the small speaker on its side, and she felt a sense of dejavu from a previous time. Removing the clasp to her cloak, Raven threw the heavy cape to the side as she made her way towards her private bathroom, all thoughts of anything except Slade lost to the wind as she turned the hot water knob to the left. She slowly turned the cold on as well, a little more than the hot water so that it came out tepid. She never felt hot showers were good for anyone; she opted for lukewarm.

Underneath the water she let her mind wander, not able to focus on one thing in particular. Even the water running over her bare form went unnoticed as it cascaded over her hair and shoulder. There was no steam as it was not particularly warm but the atmosphere leant to strange comforting warmth of the eerie sort. Raven found herself wondering what was to become of her rampant, destructive feelings. She wanted desperately to be free, to express that which she'd been denied for years on end. Her mind drew a blank as she reached out for Beast boy, searching for him throughout the entire tower. `Surely he must have gone to sleep, what with it being so late and all.' When she persisted but found nothing she felt her fists clench against their own will. `Where is he?'

Whether her emotions were of anger, upset or worry, she did not know. She tensed as the water suddenly turned scorching hot, burning her skin. `Who the hell turned on the water?' She immediately did a search. The culprit would never suspect anything. `Robin...? What is he doing up so late?' She sensed Starfire as well; both their auras were troubled, she noted. `Maybe they're returning from a late night outing.' Starfire's aura faded from her scope, as did Robin's as Beast Boy's came surging through like a whirlwind. She clasped the shower rail as the intensity of his agony nailed her right in the core of her being, pummeling her soul-self with such power that she almost collapsed.

The fact that he felt so strongly about something startled her enough to scare the wits from her mind; she breathed unsteadily. Her heart was pounding with curiosity from whether his emotions were caused by something terrible...or her. `I know he feels strongly for me...in some way.' Since she recalled nothing of their previous encounter she was still rather uncertain about where they stood aside from friendship. Raven let out a steady breath as she balanced herself on the edge of the shower, her arms clutching herself in protection of some horrible outer force. `I want him to love me...but even if he did...what could come of a love such as ours?' She felt slightly dramatic about the dilemma as though she'd created an alternate world, a fantasy world. `But...isn't that my reality? I can't feel...I can't feel...' An image of her father flashed harshly in her mind as she pondered what might occur if she allowed herself to release the feelings she held for Beast Boy, to act on the desires that lay deep within her heart, mind, body and soul.

She blushed again as she gazed out through the opalescent shower curtain, not really noticing its foggy surface as her hands reached out, instinctually, for the shampoo bottle. She quirked a brow when she discovered it was not in its usual place by the showerhead rack. `That's odd...I could've
sworn...' she trailed off as she noticed it sitting to the far left, slightly above the soap. She shrugged it off as she grabbed the bottle and squeezed a large dollop onto her outstretched hand. Lathering her hair with her hands, Raven found that her skin was prickly beneath the water's pounding-like a massage. She relaxed more than before as she let herself go. `This isn't a bath, but it will do.' After that would ensue the routine of the day, hopefully in relative normalcy but lately, she was never sure.

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Once inside the security of the Titan Tower they both headed in separate directions, Robin to take a shower, Starfire to the kitchen. Inside the eerie quiet of the sterile like room she went straight to the refrigerator and began picking out ingredients. "I shall make some pudding, a new one to Tamaran!" She spoke to no one in particular as she grabbed a rather large bowl, round and deep, to place the horrific concoction in. As she added items she noted the brilliant yellow color it had taken, mostly because of the amount of mustard and eggs sitting in its core. "I shall call it the Pudding of Confusion. I shall partake in it to perhaps heal my own confusion!" She grabbed a heaping amount onto her spoon and shoved it into her mouth, gagging as the taste seeped into her taste buds. Her stomach churned as the toxic combination settled in the pit of her digestive track. She burped loudly. "I shall not partake in anymore of my new pudding. I have the feeling of sickness now."

"Starfire, who are you talkin to?"

The bowl of pudding was in the air; in a matter of seconds it was on the floor next to her, the yellow liquid oozing out of it. A small squeak escaped her throat as she knelt to clean it up. "Beast Boy, you have startled me out of my…bones…is it?"

"Um…actually…it's your skin," he replied with a small smile.

She blushed. "Oh…yes of course. It would seem as though I have…fouled up, as you call it here." Starfire mopped at the large puddle with the paper towel in her hand. "What is your need Beast Boy?"

"I was uh…just getting a glass of water." He watched as Starfire wrestled with the dirty paper towel, still trying to clean up the entire mess with the same one. "Here Star," he handed her the roll. "Try using more than one. That should clean the mess pretty well."

"I am most thankful to you Beast Boy," Starfire responded with eagerness as she accepted the roll of paper towels. When she was done with her task at hand, she rose from the floor and threw her teammate a questioning look. "Why are you still present here? Surely you must be tired, dear friend."

He hung his head as he fell against the nearest counter, heavy with grief. "I am tired Star, more than tired. I just don't know what to do. I can't sleep…no matter how hard I try."

"Shall I help you with your problem?"

Beats Boy peeked an eye at her. "How can you help me Star? I don't think anyone can."

"I do not believe this to be true, friend. If you need to talk to someone, I am always available to listen. I am willing to be the…shoulder…you lean on?" She appeared confused for a moment, unsure if she had used the correct phrase for the situation. At Beast's Boy's nod she felt relief flood her. "I am glad to help you friend." She seemed downcast suddenly. "I have tried to help friend Robins with this but he only pushes me away. And I thought it had something-" Her statement trailed off. Beast Boy knew better than to press a flustered Starfire, knowing it would only make her confused beyond all reason-and teary eyed in the end. When he said nothing more she proceeded to listen. "I am ready to listen when you are ready to speak."

He released a heartfelt sigh as she patted his back with her clean hand, relieved that someone wanted to listen to him-for once. "Thanks Star." He slumped into an unoccupied chair next to the table while she seemed content to float next to him. "It started off as nothing at first and then it began to build up, I suppose. Plus, at first it didn't really concern anyone but now…it's mainly about Raven." He was puzzled when Starfire nodded as though what he was telling her, which was relatively new information to him, was old; but he shrugged it off. "I guess what I'm trying to say is…well…I don't know what to do about her. She's so complicated and she never lets me in. Even when I try my hardest to be her friend she continuously pushes me away as though I am just some ordinary person-not even a close friend or teammate. Do you remember when that thing with…what was his name…Malchior, do you remember that instance?" Starfire nodded vigorously. "Yeah, that for example…I apologized…and I thought she forgave me when she hugged me and all. But then she went right back to ignoring me…treating me like I'm nothing but a silly, young boy. It hurts me Star, it hurts a lot." He sighed again, shaking his head as he pushed his glass of water to the side, no longer caring to drink from it. "I'm sorry to dump all this on you as though you're my mother Starfire. I'm really sorry."

The Tamaranian female was oddly quiet, and for a moment Beast Boy thought she had departed mid-pleas. "Raven is indeed…complicated, as Robin has explained to me many times before. I do not know whether nay of us will ever understand her the way you wish to, including yourself. However, I do not think Raven does not care for you at all, Beast boy. I do believe you are, at least, her friend. She just has a hard time…expressing these…emotions." He thought she would begin a scolding, as Starfire was rather motherly a lot of the time, but at the sudden arms around his shoulders, he knew otherwise. "As for you, I am not unhappy or bothered that you have "dumped your problems" on me, friend. I am glad to help, even if I cannot make your situation better. I am happy to be your friend and to listen, always happy."

The Green Changeling gave her a weak smile as he welcomed the hug and affection that he wished Raven would bestow upon him. He was in no position to complain about lack of attention when Starfire was willing to give it so freely, and so genuinely. Unbeknownst to both the clueless Titans, two pairs of eyes watched from the hallway. Above them Raven was glaring daggers, fuming at Starfire and angry that Beast Boy had eagerly welcomed the other young woman's embrace as though he cared for her more than platonically. Across from Raven, hidden in the shadows and clad only in his towel, Robin's clenched fists had turned white as he stared at the spectacle his fellow titans were making down in the kitchen. He knew nothing other than jealousy; and wanting to beat Beast Boy senseless for having the pleasure of being wrapped in Starfire's loving, warm arms.

But minutes after he had the thought, it disappeared, replaced only by shame, sadness and some type of anger. He knew he could not hold such animosity for the metamorphic especially with the knowledge that his friend was infatuated with their resident Goth. `If I'm going to be angry, the only right I have is to be angry with myself…for being such a coward.' He wanted so desperately to bash his head into the nearest wall for letting his leader façade down when it came to his personal life. `Why can't I take the same charge and control when it comes to you…Starfire?' For her part, Raven had let out a small growl of what she liked to think was disgust but knew was pure jealousy before stomping back to her room, luckily unnoticed by the other occupants below he.

Meanwhile, Starfire continued to soothe the dejected young man in her arms. "How will Raven ever know that you ache inside unless you allow her to see this side of you? Perhaps it will be wiser if you tell her."

Beast Boy sniffled like a lost child. "She knows Stare, she knows I care for her more than anything…she knows I…that I love her." Starfire tensed suddenly. "No Star, don't worry about it. Even if she loved me back…she can't love me…she won't allow herself to love me…" Slowly he began to peel himself away from the comfort that he simple gesture had flooded him with as he began a slow trek from the kitchen to his room. "I'll see you tomorrow Star, and hey, maybe I'll take your advice." As he neared the door, he turned and gave her one last small smile. "By the way, thanks…thanks a lot."

She nodded in return as he vanished around the corner of the doorway that led to the stairway. Once she was sure h was gone, she released a low sigh of confusion. "As the earthlings here say, I do not know by the heavens what I have gotten myself into, and I am beat," she muttered to the remnants of goop still collecting on the remaining shards of the ceramic bowl. "I only hope that beast boy will find a resolution if mine cannot help…and that friend Raven will also confess that she is indeed-" She paused. "Well, I hope that she does not hide whatever it is that feel…at least not for too long." As she began to throw the pieces of glass into the trash can, she let her glance wander to the hallway above them, her eyes curious. `I wonder if anyone saw us.' With a slight shrug, Starfire exited, switching the lights off as she went. Titan's Tower was engulfed in a darkness that had been creeping up over the years.

TBC…

(Well, chapter five took me longer than I thought it would…but hey, here there you have it. It might seem shorter than the other, and for that, I'm sorry if y'all like long chapters. They usually just end where they end…which it seem I have not control over. This chapter was a little tricky when I was doing it, but I hope you all enjoyed it! If ya did or didn't like it, well, you know the drill! Sorry for the wait…but at least you wouldn't have to wait till I get back to school! Thank heavens for email and me having millions of copies of my rough drafts! ANYWAYZ…Please R&R! Thank you. Bye all! All my reviewers rock! Chao babes!

^Darkkairi1^