Fan Fiction ❯ Josephine the Stegosaurus ❯ The Danger of Three-Dimensional Trees ( Chapter 5 )

The National Mall was a rectangle of well-tended flat grass segmented by parallel short stretches of asphalt. It was bordered on its width by the Washington Monument and Capitol, and on its length by a series of museums and galleries. It was a prominent historic landmark in itself, being the setting for all sorts of famous events, rallies, protests, etc., and lining the neat green rectangle on all sides were rows of uniformly pruned trees. They were average, probably a diplomatic gift from some nation or another. If Josie knew anything about trees, then she would know that these were probably some of the more pristine examples of whatever species they represented. However, there was something odd about them that only a pan-season Washingtonian would notice, and even then, only if they were really bored, or unusually observative.

The trees only grew in two dimensions. In their leafless winter state, it was made all the more obvious that the government landscapers trimmed all the branches so they looked like cardboard cut-outs of trees installed a set number of feet apart from each other like dominoes. It was a strange thing, and she'd seen that when they were laden with foliage, they were close enough together to disguise this peculiarity, but it still made her think. It was rather disconcerting, walking along a shaded path, and looking up to see a gaping hole between trees where their limbs should stretch, and round white scars where they had been lopped off the trunks. The only explanation she could come up with was that they didn't want the branches becoming tangled with one another, perhaps bringing one or both trees down somehow. She didn't even know if that was possible, again, not being a tree expert, but it was, in her mind, a plausible theory.

It made her think. What if humans were just trees? Could another's branches bring her down? Should they be pruned?

Her mind went to Jeremy. If she'd known what kind of tree-poison he had hidden in his roots, she would have brought a chainsaw to her own branches long before they had gotten tangled with his. She supposed that in that case, she was now a new baby sapling sprouting among the ruined remains of her previous arboreal incarnation. Should she take precautionary measures and chop off the tiny twigs she could feel reaching out towards the new tree in her life?

She decided it was time to stop thinking in metaphors. It was getting weird.

She looped her scarf around her neck once more to block against the momentary chill in the air. The weather in D.C. was bothersome, unpredictable, and illogical. Despite it being early February, and thirty degrees the day before, it was currently in the low fifties with a slight breeze, and they were forecasting snow the next day. The type of snow with no modifiers. Not a `wintry mix,' or heavy snow, or a dusting, or flurries; just snow. That would mean anywhere from three to seven inches, and Josie couldn't wait. Whenever it snowed, even a little bit, the city practically shut down. The schools would close, and the roads would be clear and free from the daily back-up. She would still come to work, but she doubted there would be many tourists. On days like those, she and Miranda would skimp out, leaving at least one person on duty in their respective shops just in case anyone dared to brave the conditions in order to purchase a cheap (but expensive) plastic souvenir key ring, and walk in, play in, and generally have fun in the fresh blanket of white stuff. Unfortunately, the infamous D.C. weather also had a tendency to change the minute before it hit, so D.C. forecasters had a tendency to have an abysmal hit rate. She wished they were right this time, though. I'd love a snowball fight tomorrow…maybe with Bryan…I would totally kick his ass.

Derek had already whisked Miranda off on his arm for lunch, telling Josie that Bryan wasn't far behind. He obviously had a different definition of “far” than she. She was starting to get chilly, and considered calling the number he had rattled off at the end of their previous conversation, when she saw him walking up the dirt path with his hands in his pockets. He looked troubled. Rushing down the marble steps and across the silent street, she walked towards him to close the distance.

“So how about that explanation?” Josie had her head cocked in a curious expression, and her tone was softer at his appearance than it had been when she was practicing in those ten (fifteen) minutes.

“Did Derek already get Miranda?” he said, ignoring her question. She nodded. “Okay. Where to?”

She had been expecting him to know where they were headed, but since he didn't, she directed them to the Five Guys a couple blocks away. When he mentioned he had never been, she insisted. They walked in silence, and their closeness couldn't be excused by crowds pushing like on most days, because the streets were relatively bare. She could tell there was something churning in his mind, and though she doubted it had anything to do with her, she wanted to comfort him. So, they walked side-by-side, close enough so their arms brushed every few steps. He didn't seem to even notice she was there.

When they got to Five Guys, Bryan laughed harshly. “This place?” Josie raised an eyebrow at him. She could admit the decor at the joint was less than grandiose, with white tile and paint covering most everything, some red trim here and there. There were plastic and metal tables that looked like they belonged on a patio or in a public school cafeteria, and a crunchy layer of peanut shells covered the linoleum floor, with little piles under the tables.

“What? You don't trust me? This hamburger will change your entire outlook on life. I swear,” she said. Her face was deathly serious. Bryan sighed and followed her to the register, where Josie dictated to a man in a white apron all the terms and conditions of her hamburger.

“…some ketchup, but not too much, and put it between the lettuce and the patty, not on the bread. Umm…what else…No pickles, no mayo, no tomato, and only raw onions. Please.” She turned to look at Bryan expectantly. He smiled to himself. He ordered a bacon cheeseburger, and let the cooks use their discretion for the rest of the details. She turned back to the man at the counter and added two drinks and a large cup of fries to their order. They both paid for their own portion, splitting the cost of the fries, and turned away to make room for the next in line.

“They serve their fries in cups?” he tried not to look as disgusted as his voice sounded.

“Why not? And I told you, they'll change your—”

“—entire outlook on life. I know. Let's get a table.” He moved over to the cleanest-looking one he could find, and swept the peanut shells off his chair before sitting. Josie was looking at him.

“You're so squeamish. It's kind of funny,” she said. She was trying to lighten the mood. It scared her how deflated Bryan seemed compared to how he had acted every other time she saw him. They sat down in chairs opposite one another with their styrofoam soda cups. Josie moved forward to get at an angle to see his eyes; his face was cast down to the floor. “…Explanation?” she prompted. He groaned and ran his hands over his face and back through his hair.

“Today was not a good day for us.” Josie looked unimpressed.

“That's it? Care to elaborate?” He seemed to think something over before answering her.

“All right. Remember when Representative Cunningham was arrested for taking bribes and sentenced to fourteen years in jail?” Josie nodded. “Well, there have been rumors going around on the Hill and in the media that a few other congressmen were involved in the same kind of business. We just learned today that Roberts, the guy Derek and I work for, is on their hit list, and since then we've been rushing around like chickens with our heads cut off doing damage control. I suspect we will be for a few weeks at least. Thus why I was busy and why I'm in such a crappy mood.”

“He's innocent, right?” she asked. He looked at her as though she'd just told him she was a Nazi.

“That isn't the point. We just can't let anyone think he's guilty.”

“But if he is guilty, he should have to answer for it. If he's innocent, you should have no problem dispelling the rumors.” Bryan seemed to be losing his patience. “I mean, call me naïve or whatever, but if he really is a corrupt politician, why are you trying so hard to save him?” He sat still while her words sunk in, and he was about to say something condescending and defensive when their order was called from the counter at the back of the small restaurant. Josie retrieved the tray, and placed in front of his nose two enormous silver-wrapped bundles and a massive paper cup with hot, fresh french fries spilling over the rim. She opened the first bundle and passed it to him when she saw the tomatoes sticking out of the bun. He lifted it out of the wrapper and weighed it, staring.

“This thing is gigantic! What do they use? Elephant-cow hybrids?” Josie laughed as she extracted her own massive burger from the tinfoil.

“Maybe. I usually just get the Junior burger, but I was feeling pretty hungry today. Even so, I doubt I'll be able to finish this in one sitting. Here goes,” she said, taking the biggest bite she could, allowing the diced onions to be squeezed out and land on the crumpled foil. Bryan looked on, strangely enthralled as she chewed the portion with her eyes closed, a smile of ecstasy spreading across her features. She moaned, and if he wasn't enthralled before, he definitely was now. She swallowed and slid her eyes open.

“Come on, after all this hype, you have to eat yours too. Take a bite.” She popped a fry into her mouth and similarly closed her eyes in bliss. “Mmmm, even the fries are mind-blowing.” Bryan laughed.

“It just seems like you're on your way to re-enacting that scene from When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan fakes an orgasm in the restaurant.”

She scoffed. “Ha. No, this restaurant is pretty empty. If I ever really wanted to try that, it would have to be in some really crowded respectable establishment, you know. That would be so hilarious. But no, my reaction was purely because this food is really that good. Now eat your damn burger before it gets cold.”

“Yes ma'am.” Bryan held the burger out before him like he was afraid it would bite him, but then took a deep breath and a bite. He mimicked Josie by closing his eyes during his chews, and once it had been fully masticated, he opened one eye to see her watching him intently with a huge grin on her face. She waited expectantly for his opinion while he finished swallowing slowly and made a show of picking up his napkin and dabbing his mouth. She was on the edge of her seat.

“So? Did you like it?” she asked. Bryan licked his teeth and looked pensive. After he could stretch her curiosity no further, he focused his eyes on hers and lowered his voice.

“Best goddamn fucking burger I have ever tasted in my entire life.” Josie laughed triumphantly.

“Now try the fries.” She picked up a fry and held it out to his mouth. He opened up his mouth and snatched it from her fingers with his teeth.

“God, those are good too,” he moaned. Josie smiled wide.

“What did I tell you? Changed your entire outlook on life, right?”

He paused, and his voice softened as he looked at her. “Right.” Her grin widened further. “I'm in a better mood already. We should come here more often,” he said. His tone was nonchalant, but Josie froze. We? Is that some weird sort of subliminal future commitment thing? As they both worked on finishing their food, Josie was thinking. It was becoming clear to her that the little relationship tree she had planted was growing at a remarkable rate, and her branches were taking on a definite lean towards the tree sitting in front of her. She knew she needed to make a decision regarding this new development, but for now, she was content with just friendly contact. Though at times she wanted nothing more than to drop everything and entangle herself in this new tree's branches, the memory of what had happened the last time kept a pair of shears near, ready at a second's notice to clip her limbs.