Fan Fiction ❯ Leaving the Body ❯ Glenn ( Chapter 1 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Elsewhere 
Two point of view stories involving loss, and what it's like to be found. Glenn/Norris, Dario/Riddel pairings
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 03.27.2005 | Pages: 5 | Words: 6.4K | Visits: 383 | Status: Work In Progress
Two point of view stories involving loss, and what it's like to be found. Glenn/Norris, Dario/Riddel pairings
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 03.27.2005 | Pages: 5 | Words: 6.4K | Visits: 383 | Status: Work In Progress
Fandom: Chrono Cross
Date Finished:
Classification: Romance, Angst
Pairings: Glenn/Norris
Rating: NC-17 (m/m and m/f consensual sex)
Leaving the Body
By Elsewhere
elsewherecw@shaw.ca
Disclaimer: The characters and stories of Chrono Cross are not mine. Oops. *g*
The lyrics are from 'Lost' by Sarah McLachlan.
Distribution: If you want this story for any page other than the ones I've sent it to, please ask me first, so I know where it goes.
Spoilers: If you haven't played Chrono Cross, you might not get it. ;) Come to think of it, even if you have, you might not get it...
Thanx as always to Jean, my wonderful beta reader. Jean, you are truly Gentle and kind, and I appreciate everything you've done for me. ;)
Summary: Two point of view stories involving loss, and what it's like to be found.
Note: The second part of this, still unfinished, will be a het story, Dario/Riddel pairing.
Part One: Glenn
*****
By the shadows of the night I go
I move away from the crowded room
That sea of shallow faces masked in warm regret
They don't know how to feel
They don't know what is lost
*****
Alone.
Of all the words in our language, this one has come to mean the most to me. There is no other word that I look at and think, Yes...I know this.
I am intimately familiar with the feel of it, the weight of it...the knowledge of its presence. Alone. If someone were to ask me to describe myself in a word, that would be it...alone.
I have based so much of my life these last few years around the knowledge of being alone. And now, when I feel that it is almost too late...that knowledge has been taken away from me. My one word of comfort, the one excuse I have for hiding from the pain of other people looking on me with pity and remorse, seeing in me the memory of a brighter star that long ago burned away. And now it's gone.
What do I have left?
*****
"I don't want to do this."
"You do."
"No, I don't."
He sighs quietly and lifts a hand, almost as though to touch me. Predictably enough, his hand drops before it reaches my shoulder, and I find it strange that my disappointment overpowers my relief.
"Glenn..."
"All right. Yes. I do," I say, taking a quick breath and glancing down to make sure my clothes are straight. The last thing I would want is to look sloppy.
What am I thinking? I used to swim naked with the man I'm going to see, when things like that didn't matter...he was my brother, after all...
"Yes, exactly. You do," Norris murmurs gently, and I glance to him just in time to watch him brush his hair out of his eyes. I may never find the courage to admit it to him, but I love it when he does that...I love watching the bright, sunlit strands of hair parting to reveal the sky-blue eyes beneath, always shimmering with such humor and intelligence. I have always clung to the ones who shine brighter than myself, I realize. Someone told me that recently...I am the moon, unable to create my own light. I bask in the warmth of others, too chill to feel warmth of my own.
"I hope you know what I'm doing," I mutter, and something in me lightens when he smiles. "I'm certainly at a loss."
"Don't think. Just go," he says, gesturing me forward. "Be yourself."
"I'm not like you...earnest conversation doesn't come easily to me," I say almost morosely, staring at the stones beneath my feet.
"Don't think!" he repeats, laughing at me. I love that sound...some time I should tell him... "Stop thinking! Just go."
"All right," I say firmly, taking a step forward. "I'm going."
I stop in my tracks, less than a step past the gates.
"No, I'm not," I say quickly, only to hear him sigh with mock irritation.
"Yes, you are," he says, stepping up behind me, close enough that I feel his breath stir the hair at the nape of my neck. "Go on. I'll be waiting here."
I open my mouth to protest, and then stop myself, closing my eyes to draw up the strength I know is in me somewhere. My hands clench into fists, and I know he notices, but he says nothing. Finally, I open my eyes and nod, and then I start to walk. He doesn't speak, and I am glad...I'm sure that at this point the sound of his voice would have me running back to the comfort of his presence. I haven't been this frightened since I was a child. Or maybe I've been frightened all the time, and what I feel is relief...
I swallow sharply and move further into the courtyard, nodding in response to the waves I receive from the workers around me. A giggling child runs past me, stirring my ribbons, and I smile slightly as I move them back into place.
What a thought...Viper Manor, an orphanage. The notion still has the power to floor me. There's so much of Riddel in the idea, so much of her warmth in the shape the Manor takes as they work to renovate it, the slightest trace of her laughter in the giggles of the children playing in the sand at my feet. I can feel her influence in everything about this place, and it calms me as I move swiftly forward, my eyes questing about for the one I seek.
I finally spot a familiar pair of boots peeking out from underneath a particularly unstable piece of machinery in the western portion of the courtyard. He was wearing those boots four years ago, when he...
I shake my head, pursing my lips, as I stride over. For a moment I simply stand over him, all the clever things I'd rehearsed to say flying out of my head the moment I truly contemplate what I'm doing.
This man used to know everything about me. He knew my dirtiest secrets, my worst fears, the things that made me wake up screaming in the night. Now I know I am as much of a stranger to him as he is to me. Is there anything left...? Is there any point to this?
"Is that you, Ted?" his gruff voice calls up towards me, muffled beneath the machinery. He reaches a hand out from underneath, grimed with some sort of black, oily substance. "Would you mind handing me that wrench? I think I've almost got it..."
Quickly glancing around, I spot the wrench in question and then squat by his legs to hand it to him.
"Thanks. I..." he begins, and then he cuts off abruptly, and I know that he must be able to see me better than I can see him. I shift backwards, giving him some space, and he quickly shuffles out from under the machine and sits up. His eyes widen slightly as he takes in the sight of me kneeling across from him.
"Glenn," he breathes, and I nod solemnly, resting my hands on my knees as I stare at him wordlessly. Vocabulary has abandoned me now, when I need it the most. "Well...uh...hello. Have you...have you been here long?"
Obviously he isn't doing much better.
"Not long," I answer, surprised at how rough my voice sounds. I clear my throat, glancing away. "I just came by to..."
"Of course," he says quickly when I falter, and I look back in time to see him getting to his feet, brushing his greasy hands off on his pants and then running his fingers back through his hair, leaving a blackened trail through the sweaty blond strands. "Ah hell...mm...sorry."
Years ago I would have smiled to see my brother, always so poised and perfect, in this state. Now I simply nod again, standing and moving slightly away from him, remaining aloof.
"Just a moment," he says, flashing me a brief smile before turning and walking over to a bucket of water on the nearest picnic table. There are dozens of them set up around the yard, for the workers. I watch in silence, arms folded over my chest, as he scrubs his arms and hands, then dips his head into the bucket, scrubbing away the oil before flipping his head back, droplets of water flying. Then he stands, and I wonder if he realizes I'm watching him as he takes a quick breath and closes his eyes, as though drawing strength.
Then he turns to me, and I am struck by the intensity of feeling in his eyes. He is usually so composed, so...empty. Unwilling to share his emotions. I took after him in that.
Then I remind myself that he is not really my brother. Not the Dario I knew.
"Would you walk with me, Glenn?" he says quietly, gesturing vaguely towards the courtyard as a whole. I nod, dropping my arms to my sides and turning. He falls into step beside me, and I cannot help but flinch as I notice how similar our strides are. "So...how goes your journey, with Serge and the others?"
"Very well, thank you," I answer, staring down at the stones of the path again as I walk. "We are almost ready to proceed to Terra Tower."
I hear the formality in my tone, and I fight not to wince. It has never sounded quite so artificial before, I muse...or then again, perhaps it has, and this is merely the first time I've noticed.
"Splendid," he says, and when I glance towards him, I see him gritting his teeth.
We walk on in silence for a moment, and then he stops with a sigh, surprising me by reaching out to touch my arm. I turn to him, automatically pulling away from his touch. He notices this and his hand falls to his side.
"Glenn," he says, and his voice sounds oddly choked. "I'm...glad that you came. I have so much I wish to say to you..."
"I...have things to say to you as well," I say, my eyes still on the ground. "Dario..."
When I am unable to continue, he steps in, strong where I am weak, as always.
"Glenn...I..." He chuckles roughly, and I glance up, hoping uselessly that the strange sensation of being hurt by his laughter doesn't show on my face. "It's hard for me to remember that you're not the Glenn I knew. You're so..."
"...much like him?" I say, raising both eyebrows. "Yes. I already know that our lives were much the same until four years ago."
"Four years," he says quietly, squinting briefly towards the sun. "Yes. Both you and I have lost a brother...the irony is stifling, don't you find?"
"Stifling is a good term for it," I confess softly. "I had so many things to say to you, and I can't think of a single thing now."
"I know," he says, brushing his hair back out of his eyes. I stare at him, surprised to see his nervousness.
He stares back at me for a moment, and then he smiles, gesturing forwards. We start to walk again, and I finally begin to notice the heat, startled at the moisture left on my gloved fingertips as they brush over my forehead.
"Do you remember when we were kids..." he begins, and I can hear the smile in his voice. "I must have been about eleven, and you were five, and we went to the shrines together to visit father's grave, and you fell in the water..."
"Yes," I say quietly, surprising myself by smiling slightly. "I remember. It was my own carelessness that landed me in the water in the first place, and you saved me, as usual, but it was you who got into trouble..."
"Because I should have known better," Dario says softly. "The shrines are a dangerous place, and I shouldn't have let you play so close to the water."
I am silent, wondering to myself why he has chosen this memory, out of so many...it doesn't occur to me until later to be amazed at how many memories of his must surely be the same as mine. Different worlds, different lives...and yet we followed the same course, in either dimension, until the Dario of my world died and the Dario of this world lived, and I went on, always alone, in my world, and the Glenn of this world perished in the Dead Sea...
"Do you remember what you said to me?" he asks, his eyes carefully watching my face. I am unnerved by the touch of his eyes. It has been too long since anyone has looked at me quite that searchingly...anyone other than Norris, but I have come to realize that that is just his way. Norris has no qualms about the idiosyncrasies of other people; if he wishes to know a person, he seeks that knowledge openly.
I return my attention to Dario, surprised at myself for wandering.
"You asked me why I had saved you...why I couldn't let you do anything for yourself," he says quietly. "I told you that it was my responsibility to care for you...my little brother. I told you that I would always be there, if you needed me."
I say nothing, my eyes again focused on the ground.
"I'm sorry I lied," he says softly, and I start as I feel the firm touch of his hand on my shoulder, stopping me in place. He steps in front of me, his other hand coming up so that he's holding both my shoulders. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you, or appreciate your promise," I say sullenly, staring fixedly at his chest, unable or unwilling to meet his eyes. "You didn't lie...you're here. And still I can't..."
I catch my breath and try to turn away, but he keeps his hold on my shoulders, and I sigh, closing my eyes.
"It doesn't matter," he says firmly. "This world or that, it doesn't matter...you're still my brother. And I'm still yours. Glenn, look at me."
I'm embarrassed to feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I summon the last of my courage and obey him, meeting the bright green of his gaze.
"I've missed you," he says gently, and my eyes slide closed again when he pulls me closer, into a cautious hug. For a moment I hesitate, stiff against him, and then my arms slowly lift, my hands resting on his back. His hand feebly rubs my shoulder, and I try not to chuckle at the awkwardness of this, the simplest of intimacies. We were never very good at these things, things that normal families do. We never really hugged, or touched at all...too stubborn, too determined to strike out on our own and never be dependent. But I was dependent. I was. I lost everything when he died.
Alone.
"If I can help it, I won't ever leave again," he promises, his voice trembling slightly as he leans back to look down at me. I tilt my chin upwards so I can meet his eyes.
"I don't really remember how to be someone's brother," I say, realizing that I sound pathetic but pushing myself to speak anyway.
"Me neither," he says with a quick, rough chuckle, and I finally smile as he lightly slaps my shoulder and we turn to walk again, this time close beside one another, no longer trying to keep separate. "We'll fumble through, somehow."
"I hope so," I confess, blushing and rubbing the back of my head when he flips one of my ribbons.
"Still wearing these?" I can hear the laughter in his tone, and I try not to redden too extremely.
"Old habits, and all that," I say, trying to shrug it off.
"I know," he says, and he reaches inside his shirt and pulls out the small, shining medallion he wears against his heart. "Look, I still have this..."
"Riddel gave that to you," I say with a trace of a smile. "The same day she got angry with you and pushed you off the bridge...and *you* almost drowned."
"Karsh had to pull me out," Dario says through his chuckles, replacing the medal where it belongs. "Poor Riddel. I don't know if she ever quite recovered from the thought that she'd almost killed me."
"You weren't really in any danger," I say pointedly, my smile widening as I recall the horrified look on Riddel's face. "You just enjoyed the attention..."
"I don't deny it," Dario says with a soft laugh, and I can't help but grin at the familiar sound. Something in me has broken...I am giddy, and lost, my heart pounding hard against my chest. It's been so long that I'm at a loss to feel this, so it takes me some time to realize what it is...
Security. Warmth.
What was that word again?
Alone?
No.
"Might I inquire what is so humorous?" a gentle, familiar voice asks, and both of us start visibly, and then fumble for composure.
"Riddel!" Dario exclaims, glancing sideways towards me. I only smile. "Glenn and I were just discussing..."
"The foolishness of youth," she says, quirking an eyebrow. She smiles at each of us in turn. "Isn't that correct, Glenn?"
"Precisely so, Miss Riddel," I answer with somewhat coy formality, and she laughs, a gentle, beautiful sound. Everything about her is beauty and light...she has always startled me, the sheer force of the life in her making my own numbness seem even sadder by comparison. I have basked in her light for years...but now it is time for me to move away from her, and from the memory of my brother. I see that. They would both lend their strength to me in an instant, but I know that finally, I must try to shine on my own. If I am the moon, then I outshine the stars...
"Well," I say quietly, not even trying to hide my smile as I glance between them. Their eyes are all for each other now, and where once I might have been jealous, now I feel nothing but the same breathless, giddy sense of relief. "I must be going. I shall see you when you return to camp, Miss Riddel."
She nods, tearing her eyes away from Dario to smile at me.
"Yes. See you then, Glenn," she says, and I nod and bow slightly before turning away.
"Glenn," Dario calls, and I turn back, lifting an eyebrow. "Thank you for coming. I...please...come again. Don't be a stranger."
For a moment I just look at him, but then I smile and nod.
"I will," I say, surprising myself with the conviction in my voice. "I'll visit again. Soon. I promise."
"I'll hold you to that," Dario says, grinning as he lifts a finger to point at me. I nod, flash him a brief grin of my own, nod again to Riddel, and turn away. I hear them laughing softly as I walk away, and I feel that the sound heals something within me, some rift that has been open and aching for far too long.
True to his word, Norris waits for me at the gates. As I approach, he quickly stands from where he had been slouching against the wall.
"Well?" he says, and I smile slightly at the concern in his eyes. "How did it go?"
"Very well," I say, and he falls into step beside me as I walk past. "Very well. We said what we needed to say."
He sighs, obviously relieved, and I feel a surprising warmth surge through me at the knowledge of how deeply he cares.
"I'm glad," he says, smiling. His smile falters and fades as I stop and turn, fixing him under my solemn gaze.
"Norris," I say quietly, unashamedly meeting his eyes for perhaps the first time. All this time I've been watching him, and I've never given him a chance to see what I've been thinking... "There are other things I need to say."
"Like what?" he says a bit breathlessly, and he trembles violently when I lift my hand, gently brushing gloved fingers along his cheek.
"Like this," I whisper, leaning in to touch my lips to his. He lets out a sharp breath against my mouth, and then relaxes slowly under the pressure of my kiss, opening his lips to the cautious press of my tongue. I feel his hand on my arm, questioning, hear him catch his breath in his throat as I grip his uniform jacket, pulling him closer.
After a moment I pull away, trying to catch my breath. He stares at me, his cheeks flushed.
"You've been waiting to tell me *that*?" he says somewhat incredulously, and I laugh at the confusion on his face. "Glenn, you have no idea how long I've wanted to..."
"You could've said," I say through my laughter, and he grins. "Just because I'm a stubborn, cold jerk..."
"You're not," he says in my defense, and when I lift an eyebrow, he laughs and rubs my arm. "Well...only most of the time."
I chuckle.
"Unlike you. You're far too trusting," I say, taking hold of his jacket again to pull him up against me. I close my eyes, loving the warmth of his breath against my forehead, despite the sweltering heat of the day.
"Look what it gets me," he says. I feel his lips curve into a grin against my skin. His hand lightly strokes my back. "Are you sure you can accept your enemy so easily?"
"Are you sure you can accept a stubborn ass who doesn't really know how not to be alone?" I ask in return, catching my breath as it occurs to me just how serious I am. He seems to sense this too, as his hand tightens abruptly over my shoulder, pulling me into a tight embrace.
"Without hesitation," he says firmly, and I carefully lift my arms to return the hold he has on me, hoping desperately that I won't open my eyes to find that I'm delusional. But he's there, warm and strong and solid, in my arms. He kisses my eyebrow, then drops his chin, seeking my mouth. I dodge him coyly for a moment until he laughs, his hand coming up to grip my chin. I clutch at that hand, holding on almost for dear life, as his tongue explores my mouth.
"I love you," he says gently as he pulls away, meeting my eyes, making sure that I hold his gaze as he says it. "I've loved you almost since I first saw you."
"I thought I would never trust a Porre soldier," I say quietly in response, still holding his hand even as his fingertips stroke along the line of my jaw. "But you're the only one who makes me want to let it all go..."
He smiles and leans in to kiss my temple. I go on to explain myself, even though I know he already knows.
"All the bitterness...all the loneliness...all the things I've clutched onto for so long," I say, sighing and closing my eyes as his lips brush along my throat. "How do you do that? Your honesty...your sincerity...you forced me out of my shell."
He chuckles and shrugs, leaning back to meet my eyes again.
"I know. You don't think...you just do," I say, lifting an eyebrow. He laughs and nods. "Well, I'm sick of thinking too."
He grins at the conviction in my tone, and reaches down to grab my hand.
"Come on, then," he says, gently tugging me back towards our campsite, not far from the Manor. The others aren't around, scattered in various directions to take care of different private matters before the battles ahead; we're alone, and he pulls me towards his tent.
"Norris..." I start to say, only to be cut off when he turns back and places his finger against my lips.
"Don't think," he reminds me, quirking an eyebrow, and I make a show of sighing, but nod.
A minute later thinking is the last thing on my mind as he guides me to the tent floor, pushes aside my shirt and bends over me, his lips questing along the skin of my chest and stomach. His hands lightly rub my hips, and I squirm against the touch, trying to get closer to him. He smiles and settles over me, my legs on either side of his hips, and he kisses me again, deeper than before. Our tongues engage in a fierce battle, leaving me breathless and laughing when he finally pulls back, returning to his former occupation. His hands nimbly pull at my clothing, and I watch him, a smile curving my lips as I muse at the sheer, unabashed pleasure on his face as he tastes my skin.
He gasps softly and then laughs when I push up sharply against him, sending him sprawling, and then crawl over top of him, firmly straddling his hips. His hands curve gently around my waist, pulling me against him, and I groan at the feeling of his erection pressing against me through the fabric of his pants. He laughs breathlessly as I hurry to get the rest of the way out of my own clothes, then bend over him, not daring to think about how nude I am or what would happen if one of the others were to walk in just then. He sits up to help me as I tug off his shirt, tossing it aside, and then work impatiently at his pants. His hands close over mine, stilling my trembling motions.
"I love you," he reminds me gently, leaning up to kiss my cheek and then moving on to nibble lightly at my ear. I gasp and close my eyes, relaxing into the sensation. He finishes undoing his pants and wriggles out of them, placing them aside and then tugging off his boxers. My eyes drop away from his face and roam along the length of his body. He is lithe and muscular, every inch of him perfectly proportioned, and he has the grace to blush slightly under my scrutiny.
"Norris..." I whisper, unsure what else to say, as my hand gently strokes over his bare chest. I feel myself blushing deeply as my attention finally fixes on one particular part of his body, and he chuckles low in his throat, only to have the sound cut off when my fingers curiously circle the head of his erection.
"Oh...Glenn..." he whispers, leaning closer to me, a hand clasping onto my shoulder as my touch becomes bolder, stroking gently along his length. I shudder at the sound of his groan, at the silken touch of his hair on my skin as he drops his head against my shoulder.
"I love you," I murmur, and then I blink, startled at myself. Did I just say that?
He murmurs the same statement in return against the side of my neck, his hand brushing lightly down the length of my chest, lingering over the muscles of my stomach. My hand tightens over him when his hand finally brushes against my erection, and he jerks a bit.
"Sorry," I say, trying not to laugh, as I lighten my grip. He glares idly at me before turning his focus to his task. My hand falls away as he moves underneath me, gently turning me onto my back and straddling my legs. I sigh as his hair brushes along my chest, his breath leaving a warm trail along my skin. I fight to remain calm as I realize what he's doing, but nonetheless I jump, my hands clutching helplessly onto his shoulders, as he breathes warmly onto my erection.
"Mm," he murmurs, a soft sound of pleasure, and then I feel the gentle, questing touch of his lips. I groan softly, and then the sound heightens to almost a whimper when his mouth closes over me, wet and unbearably hot.
"Oh god..." I whisper, dropping my head back against the pillow. My hands have moved into his hair, and I'm holding on for dear life as his mouth engulfs me in sweet, aching sensation. "Norris..."
After that, thought escapes me entirely for several moments, until finally he pulls back, and I groan at the loss, opening my eyes to watch as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and then grins gently at me. I reach up for him, and he settles against me, laughing as my legs tightly clasp his sides, my hands stroking along his back as he kisses me. He gasps into my mouth when I press up into him, using my grip on his buttocks to grind his pelvis against mine.
"Glenn..." he whispers, and I open my eyes, looking up into the deep blue of his. He strokes my hair back from my face, his eyes asking me a question.
"Can I...?" I ask breathlessly, and he looks at me in silence for a moment before he smiles and nods, rolling off me and onto his back. I sit up, smiling as I look down at him lying so vulnerable before me, his skin flushed with anticipation.
"I have some ointment in my pack," he says softly, and I nod, crawling over to the corner of the tent to retrieve a jar of salve before scurrying back over to him. He watches me from under partially lidded eyes, his chest rising and falling quickly, as I open the jar and coat my fingers, then rub the ointment liberally over my erection before hesitantly dropping my hand between his legs. My eyes fly up to his, asking the question again, and he nods, unable to speak. I hear him catch his breath quickly as my fingers stroke him, then gently push into him. He arches up towards me, his hands moving over my chest.
He gasps sharply when I press my erection to the place my fingers had been a moment before and push gently forward. My hands are on either side of his head, my eyes focused on his, open and regarding me with naked desire, as I gently thrust deeper, until I encounter resistance.
"I'm okay," he answers, even though the question was unspoken, and he smiles warmly up at me as I nod and shift myself slightly. Then he grits his teeth against the pain as I press forward, pushing past the barrier. I murmur something incomprehensible even to me against his neck, something I hope is soothing, and he wraps his arms around my neck, holding me close as I start to rock, back and then forward again, carefully setting myself a rhythm. At first he is still, simply accepting my movements, struggling on the verge of the crossover from pain to pleasure, and then he slowly lets out his breath against my neck and his hands stroke down along my sides and curve around my buttocks. I gasp, then laugh, as he pulls sharply, forcing me to thrust deeply into him.
"Mm..." he whispers, opening his eyes again to meet my surprised gaze. He smiles and shrugs, and I grin, shaking my head slightly and reaching up one hand to stroke his cheek. He nuzzles into the touch, whispering my name again as I start to move faster, thrusting in deeper each time, until I can't go any further. Now I stop, catching my breath, and pull back, then thrust back in deeply, and when his legs clamp against my hips and he cries out into my ear, I know I've hit the spot.
Help me, I think, closing my eyes against the rush of sensation through my body. I think I'm falling. The feeling of him surrounding me---so tight, and so *hot*...I never thought I would feel so much heat---is driving me to lose myself.
"Glenn," he moans, and I open my eyes again. He holds my eyes, his face clenched with the strength of his response.
"I love you," I whisper again, more firmly this time, the strength of my conviction behind it. What do you know, I think to myself with a smile. For once, I am sharing his light, rather than letting it overcome me. "Norris..."
After that I can't speak, my concentration entirely on his eyes as I move deeply into him. He shudders with each movement, his entire body trembling beneath me, and I cup his cheek again, bending to give him a gentle kiss. I feel his breath catch against my mouth, and I pull back to watch as his face tightens with the strength of his pleasure. I grin when he cries out my name, hands clutching my back as he spasms beneath me, his muscles clenching tightly around me. Then my grin fades and I let out a cry of my own as my climax overtakes me, rushing through my entire body and focusing on the place where our bodies join. He groans, still tightly holding onto my back, as I empty into him, burying my forehead against his shoulder as my hands clutch his hips, pulling him towards me with each thrust.
Finally I slow, and then stop, letting out a long, deep breath as I relax against him, into the warm circle of his arms. His hand strokes through my hair, and he chuckles as he toys with my ribbons. I just smile, turning my head to kiss his neck.
"Thank you," I say after a moment, for once not worrying about whether it's the right thing to say. "For loving me."
He laughs softly again, still trying to catch his breath, and kisses my temple.
Alone? I muse as I feel the warmth of his breath against the side of my face. No.
Not anymore.
And it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not lost without it...there are other words, other meanings. With his help, I will find them.
With his help.
*****
I wanted a change
Knowing all I could do was try
I was looking for someone...
*****
END PART ONE
Date Finished:
Classification: Romance, Angst
Pairings: Glenn/Norris
Rating: NC-17 (m/m and m/f consensual sex)
Leaving the Body
By Elsewhere
elsewherecw@shaw.ca
Disclaimer: The characters and stories of Chrono Cross are not mine. Oops. *g*
The lyrics are from 'Lost' by Sarah McLachlan.
Distribution: If you want this story for any page other than the ones I've sent it to, please ask me first, so I know where it goes.
Spoilers: If you haven't played Chrono Cross, you might not get it. ;) Come to think of it, even if you have, you might not get it...
Thanx as always to Jean, my wonderful beta reader. Jean, you are truly Gentle and kind, and I appreciate everything you've done for me. ;)
Summary: Two point of view stories involving loss, and what it's like to be found.
Note: The second part of this, still unfinished, will be a het story, Dario/Riddel pairing.
Part One: Glenn
*****
By the shadows of the night I go
I move away from the crowded room
That sea of shallow faces masked in warm regret
They don't know how to feel
They don't know what is lost
*****
Alone.
Of all the words in our language, this one has come to mean the most to me. There is no other word that I look at and think, Yes...I know this.
I am intimately familiar with the feel of it, the weight of it...the knowledge of its presence. Alone. If someone were to ask me to describe myself in a word, that would be it...alone.
I have based so much of my life these last few years around the knowledge of being alone. And now, when I feel that it is almost too late...that knowledge has been taken away from me. My one word of comfort, the one excuse I have for hiding from the pain of other people looking on me with pity and remorse, seeing in me the memory of a brighter star that long ago burned away. And now it's gone.
What do I have left?
*****
"I don't want to do this."
"You do."
"No, I don't."
He sighs quietly and lifts a hand, almost as though to touch me. Predictably enough, his hand drops before it reaches my shoulder, and I find it strange that my disappointment overpowers my relief.
"Glenn..."
"All right. Yes. I do," I say, taking a quick breath and glancing down to make sure my clothes are straight. The last thing I would want is to look sloppy.
What am I thinking? I used to swim naked with the man I'm going to see, when things like that didn't matter...he was my brother, after all...
"Yes, exactly. You do," Norris murmurs gently, and I glance to him just in time to watch him brush his hair out of his eyes. I may never find the courage to admit it to him, but I love it when he does that...I love watching the bright, sunlit strands of hair parting to reveal the sky-blue eyes beneath, always shimmering with such humor and intelligence. I have always clung to the ones who shine brighter than myself, I realize. Someone told me that recently...I am the moon, unable to create my own light. I bask in the warmth of others, too chill to feel warmth of my own.
"I hope you know what I'm doing," I mutter, and something in me lightens when he smiles. "I'm certainly at a loss."
"Don't think. Just go," he says, gesturing me forward. "Be yourself."
"I'm not like you...earnest conversation doesn't come easily to me," I say almost morosely, staring at the stones beneath my feet.
"Don't think!" he repeats, laughing at me. I love that sound...some time I should tell him... "Stop thinking! Just go."
"All right," I say firmly, taking a step forward. "I'm going."
I stop in my tracks, less than a step past the gates.
"No, I'm not," I say quickly, only to hear him sigh with mock irritation.
"Yes, you are," he says, stepping up behind me, close enough that I feel his breath stir the hair at the nape of my neck. "Go on. I'll be waiting here."
I open my mouth to protest, and then stop myself, closing my eyes to draw up the strength I know is in me somewhere. My hands clench into fists, and I know he notices, but he says nothing. Finally, I open my eyes and nod, and then I start to walk. He doesn't speak, and I am glad...I'm sure that at this point the sound of his voice would have me running back to the comfort of his presence. I haven't been this frightened since I was a child. Or maybe I've been frightened all the time, and what I feel is relief...
I swallow sharply and move further into the courtyard, nodding in response to the waves I receive from the workers around me. A giggling child runs past me, stirring my ribbons, and I smile slightly as I move them back into place.
What a thought...Viper Manor, an orphanage. The notion still has the power to floor me. There's so much of Riddel in the idea, so much of her warmth in the shape the Manor takes as they work to renovate it, the slightest trace of her laughter in the giggles of the children playing in the sand at my feet. I can feel her influence in everything about this place, and it calms me as I move swiftly forward, my eyes questing about for the one I seek.
I finally spot a familiar pair of boots peeking out from underneath a particularly unstable piece of machinery in the western portion of the courtyard. He was wearing those boots four years ago, when he...
I shake my head, pursing my lips, as I stride over. For a moment I simply stand over him, all the clever things I'd rehearsed to say flying out of my head the moment I truly contemplate what I'm doing.
This man used to know everything about me. He knew my dirtiest secrets, my worst fears, the things that made me wake up screaming in the night. Now I know I am as much of a stranger to him as he is to me. Is there anything left...? Is there any point to this?
"Is that you, Ted?" his gruff voice calls up towards me, muffled beneath the machinery. He reaches a hand out from underneath, grimed with some sort of black, oily substance. "Would you mind handing me that wrench? I think I've almost got it..."
Quickly glancing around, I spot the wrench in question and then squat by his legs to hand it to him.
"Thanks. I..." he begins, and then he cuts off abruptly, and I know that he must be able to see me better than I can see him. I shift backwards, giving him some space, and he quickly shuffles out from under the machine and sits up. His eyes widen slightly as he takes in the sight of me kneeling across from him.
"Glenn," he breathes, and I nod solemnly, resting my hands on my knees as I stare at him wordlessly. Vocabulary has abandoned me now, when I need it the most. "Well...uh...hello. Have you...have you been here long?"
Obviously he isn't doing much better.
"Not long," I answer, surprised at how rough my voice sounds. I clear my throat, glancing away. "I just came by to..."
"Of course," he says quickly when I falter, and I look back in time to see him getting to his feet, brushing his greasy hands off on his pants and then running his fingers back through his hair, leaving a blackened trail through the sweaty blond strands. "Ah hell...mm...sorry."
Years ago I would have smiled to see my brother, always so poised and perfect, in this state. Now I simply nod again, standing and moving slightly away from him, remaining aloof.
"Just a moment," he says, flashing me a brief smile before turning and walking over to a bucket of water on the nearest picnic table. There are dozens of them set up around the yard, for the workers. I watch in silence, arms folded over my chest, as he scrubs his arms and hands, then dips his head into the bucket, scrubbing away the oil before flipping his head back, droplets of water flying. Then he stands, and I wonder if he realizes I'm watching him as he takes a quick breath and closes his eyes, as though drawing strength.
Then he turns to me, and I am struck by the intensity of feeling in his eyes. He is usually so composed, so...empty. Unwilling to share his emotions. I took after him in that.
Then I remind myself that he is not really my brother. Not the Dario I knew.
"Would you walk with me, Glenn?" he says quietly, gesturing vaguely towards the courtyard as a whole. I nod, dropping my arms to my sides and turning. He falls into step beside me, and I cannot help but flinch as I notice how similar our strides are. "So...how goes your journey, with Serge and the others?"
"Very well, thank you," I answer, staring down at the stones of the path again as I walk. "We are almost ready to proceed to Terra Tower."
I hear the formality in my tone, and I fight not to wince. It has never sounded quite so artificial before, I muse...or then again, perhaps it has, and this is merely the first time I've noticed.
"Splendid," he says, and when I glance towards him, I see him gritting his teeth.
We walk on in silence for a moment, and then he stops with a sigh, surprising me by reaching out to touch my arm. I turn to him, automatically pulling away from his touch. He notices this and his hand falls to his side.
"Glenn," he says, and his voice sounds oddly choked. "I'm...glad that you came. I have so much I wish to say to you..."
"I...have things to say to you as well," I say, my eyes still on the ground. "Dario..."
When I am unable to continue, he steps in, strong where I am weak, as always.
"Glenn...I..." He chuckles roughly, and I glance up, hoping uselessly that the strange sensation of being hurt by his laughter doesn't show on my face. "It's hard for me to remember that you're not the Glenn I knew. You're so..."
"...much like him?" I say, raising both eyebrows. "Yes. I already know that our lives were much the same until four years ago."
"Four years," he says quietly, squinting briefly towards the sun. "Yes. Both you and I have lost a brother...the irony is stifling, don't you find?"
"Stifling is a good term for it," I confess softly. "I had so many things to say to you, and I can't think of a single thing now."
"I know," he says, brushing his hair back out of his eyes. I stare at him, surprised to see his nervousness.
He stares back at me for a moment, and then he smiles, gesturing forwards. We start to walk again, and I finally begin to notice the heat, startled at the moisture left on my gloved fingertips as they brush over my forehead.
"Do you remember when we were kids..." he begins, and I can hear the smile in his voice. "I must have been about eleven, and you were five, and we went to the shrines together to visit father's grave, and you fell in the water..."
"Yes," I say quietly, surprising myself by smiling slightly. "I remember. It was my own carelessness that landed me in the water in the first place, and you saved me, as usual, but it was you who got into trouble..."
"Because I should have known better," Dario says softly. "The shrines are a dangerous place, and I shouldn't have let you play so close to the water."
I am silent, wondering to myself why he has chosen this memory, out of so many...it doesn't occur to me until later to be amazed at how many memories of his must surely be the same as mine. Different worlds, different lives...and yet we followed the same course, in either dimension, until the Dario of my world died and the Dario of this world lived, and I went on, always alone, in my world, and the Glenn of this world perished in the Dead Sea...
"Do you remember what you said to me?" he asks, his eyes carefully watching my face. I am unnerved by the touch of his eyes. It has been too long since anyone has looked at me quite that searchingly...anyone other than Norris, but I have come to realize that that is just his way. Norris has no qualms about the idiosyncrasies of other people; if he wishes to know a person, he seeks that knowledge openly.
I return my attention to Dario, surprised at myself for wandering.
"You asked me why I had saved you...why I couldn't let you do anything for yourself," he says quietly. "I told you that it was my responsibility to care for you...my little brother. I told you that I would always be there, if you needed me."
I say nothing, my eyes again focused on the ground.
"I'm sorry I lied," he says softly, and I start as I feel the firm touch of his hand on my shoulder, stopping me in place. He steps in front of me, his other hand coming up so that he's holding both my shoulders. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you, or appreciate your promise," I say sullenly, staring fixedly at his chest, unable or unwilling to meet his eyes. "You didn't lie...you're here. And still I can't..."
I catch my breath and try to turn away, but he keeps his hold on my shoulders, and I sigh, closing my eyes.
"It doesn't matter," he says firmly. "This world or that, it doesn't matter...you're still my brother. And I'm still yours. Glenn, look at me."
I'm embarrassed to feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I summon the last of my courage and obey him, meeting the bright green of his gaze.
"I've missed you," he says gently, and my eyes slide closed again when he pulls me closer, into a cautious hug. For a moment I hesitate, stiff against him, and then my arms slowly lift, my hands resting on his back. His hand feebly rubs my shoulder, and I try not to chuckle at the awkwardness of this, the simplest of intimacies. We were never very good at these things, things that normal families do. We never really hugged, or touched at all...too stubborn, too determined to strike out on our own and never be dependent. But I was dependent. I was. I lost everything when he died.
Alone.
"If I can help it, I won't ever leave again," he promises, his voice trembling slightly as he leans back to look down at me. I tilt my chin upwards so I can meet his eyes.
"I don't really remember how to be someone's brother," I say, realizing that I sound pathetic but pushing myself to speak anyway.
"Me neither," he says with a quick, rough chuckle, and I finally smile as he lightly slaps my shoulder and we turn to walk again, this time close beside one another, no longer trying to keep separate. "We'll fumble through, somehow."
"I hope so," I confess, blushing and rubbing the back of my head when he flips one of my ribbons.
"Still wearing these?" I can hear the laughter in his tone, and I try not to redden too extremely.
"Old habits, and all that," I say, trying to shrug it off.
"I know," he says, and he reaches inside his shirt and pulls out the small, shining medallion he wears against his heart. "Look, I still have this..."
"Riddel gave that to you," I say with a trace of a smile. "The same day she got angry with you and pushed you off the bridge...and *you* almost drowned."
"Karsh had to pull me out," Dario says through his chuckles, replacing the medal where it belongs. "Poor Riddel. I don't know if she ever quite recovered from the thought that she'd almost killed me."
"You weren't really in any danger," I say pointedly, my smile widening as I recall the horrified look on Riddel's face. "You just enjoyed the attention..."
"I don't deny it," Dario says with a soft laugh, and I can't help but grin at the familiar sound. Something in me has broken...I am giddy, and lost, my heart pounding hard against my chest. It's been so long that I'm at a loss to feel this, so it takes me some time to realize what it is...
Security. Warmth.
What was that word again?
Alone?
No.
"Might I inquire what is so humorous?" a gentle, familiar voice asks, and both of us start visibly, and then fumble for composure.
"Riddel!" Dario exclaims, glancing sideways towards me. I only smile. "Glenn and I were just discussing..."
"The foolishness of youth," she says, quirking an eyebrow. She smiles at each of us in turn. "Isn't that correct, Glenn?"
"Precisely so, Miss Riddel," I answer with somewhat coy formality, and she laughs, a gentle, beautiful sound. Everything about her is beauty and light...she has always startled me, the sheer force of the life in her making my own numbness seem even sadder by comparison. I have basked in her light for years...but now it is time for me to move away from her, and from the memory of my brother. I see that. They would both lend their strength to me in an instant, but I know that finally, I must try to shine on my own. If I am the moon, then I outshine the stars...
"Well," I say quietly, not even trying to hide my smile as I glance between them. Their eyes are all for each other now, and where once I might have been jealous, now I feel nothing but the same breathless, giddy sense of relief. "I must be going. I shall see you when you return to camp, Miss Riddel."
She nods, tearing her eyes away from Dario to smile at me.
"Yes. See you then, Glenn," she says, and I nod and bow slightly before turning away.
"Glenn," Dario calls, and I turn back, lifting an eyebrow. "Thank you for coming. I...please...come again. Don't be a stranger."
For a moment I just look at him, but then I smile and nod.
"I will," I say, surprising myself with the conviction in my voice. "I'll visit again. Soon. I promise."
"I'll hold you to that," Dario says, grinning as he lifts a finger to point at me. I nod, flash him a brief grin of my own, nod again to Riddel, and turn away. I hear them laughing softly as I walk away, and I feel that the sound heals something within me, some rift that has been open and aching for far too long.
True to his word, Norris waits for me at the gates. As I approach, he quickly stands from where he had been slouching against the wall.
"Well?" he says, and I smile slightly at the concern in his eyes. "How did it go?"
"Very well," I say, and he falls into step beside me as I walk past. "Very well. We said what we needed to say."
He sighs, obviously relieved, and I feel a surprising warmth surge through me at the knowledge of how deeply he cares.
"I'm glad," he says, smiling. His smile falters and fades as I stop and turn, fixing him under my solemn gaze.
"Norris," I say quietly, unashamedly meeting his eyes for perhaps the first time. All this time I've been watching him, and I've never given him a chance to see what I've been thinking... "There are other things I need to say."
"Like what?" he says a bit breathlessly, and he trembles violently when I lift my hand, gently brushing gloved fingers along his cheek.
"Like this," I whisper, leaning in to touch my lips to his. He lets out a sharp breath against my mouth, and then relaxes slowly under the pressure of my kiss, opening his lips to the cautious press of my tongue. I feel his hand on my arm, questioning, hear him catch his breath in his throat as I grip his uniform jacket, pulling him closer.
After a moment I pull away, trying to catch my breath. He stares at me, his cheeks flushed.
"You've been waiting to tell me *that*?" he says somewhat incredulously, and I laugh at the confusion on his face. "Glenn, you have no idea how long I've wanted to..."
"You could've said," I say through my laughter, and he grins. "Just because I'm a stubborn, cold jerk..."
"You're not," he says in my defense, and when I lift an eyebrow, he laughs and rubs my arm. "Well...only most of the time."
I chuckle.
"Unlike you. You're far too trusting," I say, taking hold of his jacket again to pull him up against me. I close my eyes, loving the warmth of his breath against my forehead, despite the sweltering heat of the day.
"Look what it gets me," he says. I feel his lips curve into a grin against my skin. His hand lightly strokes my back. "Are you sure you can accept your enemy so easily?"
"Are you sure you can accept a stubborn ass who doesn't really know how not to be alone?" I ask in return, catching my breath as it occurs to me just how serious I am. He seems to sense this too, as his hand tightens abruptly over my shoulder, pulling me into a tight embrace.
"Without hesitation," he says firmly, and I carefully lift my arms to return the hold he has on me, hoping desperately that I won't open my eyes to find that I'm delusional. But he's there, warm and strong and solid, in my arms. He kisses my eyebrow, then drops his chin, seeking my mouth. I dodge him coyly for a moment until he laughs, his hand coming up to grip my chin. I clutch at that hand, holding on almost for dear life, as his tongue explores my mouth.
"I love you," he says gently as he pulls away, meeting my eyes, making sure that I hold his gaze as he says it. "I've loved you almost since I first saw you."
"I thought I would never trust a Porre soldier," I say quietly in response, still holding his hand even as his fingertips stroke along the line of my jaw. "But you're the only one who makes me want to let it all go..."
He smiles and leans in to kiss my temple. I go on to explain myself, even though I know he already knows.
"All the bitterness...all the loneliness...all the things I've clutched onto for so long," I say, sighing and closing my eyes as his lips brush along my throat. "How do you do that? Your honesty...your sincerity...you forced me out of my shell."
He chuckles and shrugs, leaning back to meet my eyes again.
"I know. You don't think...you just do," I say, lifting an eyebrow. He laughs and nods. "Well, I'm sick of thinking too."
He grins at the conviction in my tone, and reaches down to grab my hand.
"Come on, then," he says, gently tugging me back towards our campsite, not far from the Manor. The others aren't around, scattered in various directions to take care of different private matters before the battles ahead; we're alone, and he pulls me towards his tent.
"Norris..." I start to say, only to be cut off when he turns back and places his finger against my lips.
"Don't think," he reminds me, quirking an eyebrow, and I make a show of sighing, but nod.
A minute later thinking is the last thing on my mind as he guides me to the tent floor, pushes aside my shirt and bends over me, his lips questing along the skin of my chest and stomach. His hands lightly rub my hips, and I squirm against the touch, trying to get closer to him. He smiles and settles over me, my legs on either side of his hips, and he kisses me again, deeper than before. Our tongues engage in a fierce battle, leaving me breathless and laughing when he finally pulls back, returning to his former occupation. His hands nimbly pull at my clothing, and I watch him, a smile curving my lips as I muse at the sheer, unabashed pleasure on his face as he tastes my skin.
He gasps softly and then laughs when I push up sharply against him, sending him sprawling, and then crawl over top of him, firmly straddling his hips. His hands curve gently around my waist, pulling me against him, and I groan at the feeling of his erection pressing against me through the fabric of his pants. He laughs breathlessly as I hurry to get the rest of the way out of my own clothes, then bend over him, not daring to think about how nude I am or what would happen if one of the others were to walk in just then. He sits up to help me as I tug off his shirt, tossing it aside, and then work impatiently at his pants. His hands close over mine, stilling my trembling motions.
"I love you," he reminds me gently, leaning up to kiss my cheek and then moving on to nibble lightly at my ear. I gasp and close my eyes, relaxing into the sensation. He finishes undoing his pants and wriggles out of them, placing them aside and then tugging off his boxers. My eyes drop away from his face and roam along the length of his body. He is lithe and muscular, every inch of him perfectly proportioned, and he has the grace to blush slightly under my scrutiny.
"Norris..." I whisper, unsure what else to say, as my hand gently strokes over his bare chest. I feel myself blushing deeply as my attention finally fixes on one particular part of his body, and he chuckles low in his throat, only to have the sound cut off when my fingers curiously circle the head of his erection.
"Oh...Glenn..." he whispers, leaning closer to me, a hand clasping onto my shoulder as my touch becomes bolder, stroking gently along his length. I shudder at the sound of his groan, at the silken touch of his hair on my skin as he drops his head against my shoulder.
"I love you," I murmur, and then I blink, startled at myself. Did I just say that?
He murmurs the same statement in return against the side of my neck, his hand brushing lightly down the length of my chest, lingering over the muscles of my stomach. My hand tightens over him when his hand finally brushes against my erection, and he jerks a bit.
"Sorry," I say, trying not to laugh, as I lighten my grip. He glares idly at me before turning his focus to his task. My hand falls away as he moves underneath me, gently turning me onto my back and straddling my legs. I sigh as his hair brushes along my chest, his breath leaving a warm trail along my skin. I fight to remain calm as I realize what he's doing, but nonetheless I jump, my hands clutching helplessly onto his shoulders, as he breathes warmly onto my erection.
"Mm," he murmurs, a soft sound of pleasure, and then I feel the gentle, questing touch of his lips. I groan softly, and then the sound heightens to almost a whimper when his mouth closes over me, wet and unbearably hot.
"Oh god..." I whisper, dropping my head back against the pillow. My hands have moved into his hair, and I'm holding on for dear life as his mouth engulfs me in sweet, aching sensation. "Norris..."
After that, thought escapes me entirely for several moments, until finally he pulls back, and I groan at the loss, opening my eyes to watch as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and then grins gently at me. I reach up for him, and he settles against me, laughing as my legs tightly clasp his sides, my hands stroking along his back as he kisses me. He gasps into my mouth when I press up into him, using my grip on his buttocks to grind his pelvis against mine.
"Glenn..." he whispers, and I open my eyes, looking up into the deep blue of his. He strokes my hair back from my face, his eyes asking me a question.
"Can I...?" I ask breathlessly, and he looks at me in silence for a moment before he smiles and nods, rolling off me and onto his back. I sit up, smiling as I look down at him lying so vulnerable before me, his skin flushed with anticipation.
"I have some ointment in my pack," he says softly, and I nod, crawling over to the corner of the tent to retrieve a jar of salve before scurrying back over to him. He watches me from under partially lidded eyes, his chest rising and falling quickly, as I open the jar and coat my fingers, then rub the ointment liberally over my erection before hesitantly dropping my hand between his legs. My eyes fly up to his, asking the question again, and he nods, unable to speak. I hear him catch his breath quickly as my fingers stroke him, then gently push into him. He arches up towards me, his hands moving over my chest.
He gasps sharply when I press my erection to the place my fingers had been a moment before and push gently forward. My hands are on either side of his head, my eyes focused on his, open and regarding me with naked desire, as I gently thrust deeper, until I encounter resistance.
"I'm okay," he answers, even though the question was unspoken, and he smiles warmly up at me as I nod and shift myself slightly. Then he grits his teeth against the pain as I press forward, pushing past the barrier. I murmur something incomprehensible even to me against his neck, something I hope is soothing, and he wraps his arms around my neck, holding me close as I start to rock, back and then forward again, carefully setting myself a rhythm. At first he is still, simply accepting my movements, struggling on the verge of the crossover from pain to pleasure, and then he slowly lets out his breath against my neck and his hands stroke down along my sides and curve around my buttocks. I gasp, then laugh, as he pulls sharply, forcing me to thrust deeply into him.
"Mm..." he whispers, opening his eyes again to meet my surprised gaze. He smiles and shrugs, and I grin, shaking my head slightly and reaching up one hand to stroke his cheek. He nuzzles into the touch, whispering my name again as I start to move faster, thrusting in deeper each time, until I can't go any further. Now I stop, catching my breath, and pull back, then thrust back in deeply, and when his legs clamp against my hips and he cries out into my ear, I know I've hit the spot.
Help me, I think, closing my eyes against the rush of sensation through my body. I think I'm falling. The feeling of him surrounding me---so tight, and so *hot*...I never thought I would feel so much heat---is driving me to lose myself.
"Glenn," he moans, and I open my eyes again. He holds my eyes, his face clenched with the strength of his response.
"I love you," I whisper again, more firmly this time, the strength of my conviction behind it. What do you know, I think to myself with a smile. For once, I am sharing his light, rather than letting it overcome me. "Norris..."
After that I can't speak, my concentration entirely on his eyes as I move deeply into him. He shudders with each movement, his entire body trembling beneath me, and I cup his cheek again, bending to give him a gentle kiss. I feel his breath catch against my mouth, and I pull back to watch as his face tightens with the strength of his pleasure. I grin when he cries out my name, hands clutching my back as he spasms beneath me, his muscles clenching tightly around me. Then my grin fades and I let out a cry of my own as my climax overtakes me, rushing through my entire body and focusing on the place where our bodies join. He groans, still tightly holding onto my back, as I empty into him, burying my forehead against his shoulder as my hands clutch his hips, pulling him towards me with each thrust.
Finally I slow, and then stop, letting out a long, deep breath as I relax against him, into the warm circle of his arms. His hand strokes through my hair, and he chuckles as he toys with my ribbons. I just smile, turning my head to kiss his neck.
"Thank you," I say after a moment, for once not worrying about whether it's the right thing to say. "For loving me."
He laughs softly again, still trying to catch his breath, and kisses my temple.
Alone? I muse as I feel the warmth of his breath against the side of my face. No.
Not anymore.
And it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not lost without it...there are other words, other meanings. With his help, I will find them.
With his help.
*****
I wanted a change
Knowing all I could do was try
I was looking for someone...
*****
END PART ONE