Fan Fiction ❯ Llama Mamas ❯ Gaurdian of the Shiny Carrot ( Chapter 5 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Last time in “Llama Mamas” . . .

Kakariko Village was in a state of panic. People were running around everywhere. Each and everyone screaming about something different.

“They took my slippers!”

“Why does everything bad happen to US?”

“My house! They destroyed my house!”

And so on and so on.

“Man, you leave this place one day, and the next day its just completely gone south!” Link stated, looking around at the panicking villagers.

“Indeed,” said Zelda, also looking around. “Well, I guess we should get started.”

“But where should we start?” asked Navi.

“Um . . . let's try over there!” said Link, pointing to the area where the chicken lady normally was.

Zelda and Navi agreed, and the three of them walked towards the chicken lady. Once there, Navi turned towards Zelda and Link.

“Now guys, we need to try to act normal,” she said. “If the people think that we're purposely looking for the llamas, they may freak out and kill us or something.”

“Why would they do that?” asked Link.

“Um . . . I don't know! Just leave everything to me!” And with that, Navi flew towards the chicken lady.

“Hello, Miss. How are you?”

The chicken lady turned to Navi. Once their eyes met, she screamed and ran away.

“GLOWING THING! GLOWING THING!” she screamed.

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Inside the windmill, it was completely dark. Well, it wasn't dark for long. Navi had long ago ridded herself the window tinting suit, and the room was dimly lit with her brilliant light.

The windmill was completely abandoned. How did they know? Well, the spider webs in the corners sort of provided an obvious hint, and the dust that had collected provided hints, too.

“What a dump,” Zelda said looking around. “Dusty, too.”

“Very much unlike the time I came here last,” said Link. “Right Navi?”

“What do you want, a cookie?” asked Navi agitatedly.

“Yes . . .”

Navi let out a frustrated sigh and looked around some more. Dust, dust, more dust. WOAH! A SPIDER! And some more dust, some murals on the wall, dust again, and . . . MURALS ON THE WALL?

“Hey guys! Check it out! I found something!” said the fairy excitedly. Link and Zelda soon found what she was talking about, and the three of them walked over to the murals.

They all looked like some kind of ancient Indian wall paintings. One of them showed llamas standing in front of what looked like a burning Earth. Then, another showed a carrot, with a llama running away from it.

A llama running away from a carrot? That made no since!

“How come that one painting shows a llama running away from a carrot?” asked Link.

“I don't know,” said Zelda. “Maybe llama's hate carrots?”

“No. Llamas eat just about anything,” said Navi, looking closer at the painting. “Take a closer look. That's not a normal carrot.”

Zelda and Link moved forward, and indeed, the carrot was not normal. It was a golden color, and it looked like to have some kind of brilliant radiance to it.

“Well, we know it's not normal,” said Zelda. “It's gold. Does that mean that it houses some kind of good?”

“I guess so,” said Navi. “But it doesn't look COMPLETELY gold. More like a goldish orange. Or, maybe it's orange, but it's sparkly and shiny. Hard to say.”

“Should we go see if any villagers know about carrots?” Link asked.

“Well, I know carrots go great in a carrot salad,” said Zelda. “And they're also real tasty when cooked, especially with a light coating of butter, and . . .”

“Let's go, Miss Einstein,” said Navi, dragging Zelda out of the windmill. Link followed.

Once back outside, the three investigators wondered who would have a lot of carrots.

“Well Link, retrace your adventure. That might help some.”

“Well,” said Link, putting a finger to his chin. “I got the three spiritual stones, got the Ocarina of Time, gave Ganondorf the world on a silver platter, got a horse . . .”

“That's it!” exclaimed Navi. “Lon-Lon Ranch! They have carrots!”

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“I found it!” said Zelda, 3 hours after they had been to the castle library. Navi and Link flew/ran over to her and peered inside the book. Sure enough, there was a shiny carrot!

“Well, what does it say?” Link asked.

“It says it's called the Shiny Carrot,” Zelda began, reading from the book.

“WOAH!” said Navi. “IMAGINE THAT!”

“Shush,” said Zelda. “The Shiny Carrot is believed to have powers that can stop willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas. It is believed that long ago, an Indian tribe bowed down to the Shiny Carrot, and prayed that all willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas to be banned from the Earth.”

“What else?” asked Link.

“Mmm . . . bad news guys. The book says that chances are, it's just a myth.”

“But it can't be a myth!” Navi shouted. “We're dealing with willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas!”

“Hey Zelda, does it say anything about where the Shiny Carrot could be hidden.”

“Mmm . . .” Zelda said, scanning the book. “There's a poem here that has to do with the location, I think.”

“Read it.”

And here's what the book said:

Over the hills and far away,

Teletubbies come to play!

“Woah woah woah, wait Zelda,” Navi said. “You skipped over to the `T' section.”

“Whoops!” Zelda said, realizing her error. She continued to scan through the book until she said, “Ah! Here it is! The Shiny Carrot was last located in the strongholds of the Kakariko Village Graveyard.”

“So that's where we need to go!” Navi said. “We've now figured out a plan, and we can stop the llamas!”

“YAY!” Zelda and Link shouted out in unison. They then began to chant. “NO MORE LLAMAS! NO MORE LLAMAS!”

“NO MORE STINKIN' LLAMA MAMAS!” Navi shouted just in time.

Then, all three of them shouted.

“WE SHALL FIND THE SHINY CARROT

BIDDY BIDDY BOOM BOOM

LLAMAS GOIN' DOWN!”

“But first, we must sleep,” said Link, stopping the chanting and in a dull voice. Zelda and Navi nodded.

“He's right . . . I'm tired,” Zelda said, yawning.

“Besides, we've got a big day tomorrow!” Navi shouted.

Then the three recited their chant again.

NO MORE LLAMAS!

NO MORE STINKIN' LLAMA MAMAS!

WE SHALL FIND THE SHINY CARROT

BIDDY BIDDY BOOM BOOM

LLAMAS GOIN' DOWN!

Then, instantly, the three of them fell asleep right where they were, exhausted.

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Chapter 4:

Zelda, Link, and Navi stood outside the entrance to the Kakariko Village Graveyard. They had been there for about 10 minutes already, wondering what they would need to do once they went inside. They had just started to receive weird glances from the villagers, until Zelda decided that it would be easier to find out what to do once they went inside.

Link and Navi nodded, and the three of them walked inside the graveyard.

Once in the graveyard, all three of them looked around. It was a frightening place, filled with weathering tombstones, ruined walkways, and a feeling in the air, a feeling eerie enough to wet your pants. And indeed, that's what happened. A gust of wind blew into the direction of Zelda, causing her to wet herself.

“Aw man!” Zelda said, breaking the silence in the graveyard. “Why does this always happen to me?”

“Ah, don't be so sad, Zelda!” said Navi. “This happens to Link all of the time!”

“Yeah, don't be sad, it . . . hey!” Link said, giving Navi an angry look.

Zelda did her best to get the wet spot to go away, and once she pretty much succeeded, she looked around the graveyard some more. “Well, we are here,” she said. “Now what do we do?”

“Um . . .” said Navi, looking around. “Perhaps we could ask Impa? She probably knows a lot about the area around here . . .”

“That,” said Link, “or we could go to that obviously placed tombstone in the corner, with a carrot etched onto its face.”

“Link,” said Zelda, “I've been here lots of times. There is no tomb with a carrot on it!”

“Uh, hate to break it to you, Zelda,” said Navi, also looking in the direction Link was looking at, “but there is a tomb with a carrot on it.”

Zelda sighed, then looked over to where they were. And indeed, there was a carrot on it.

“Oh . . .” she thought, disappointed that she was wrong. “But, it was never here when I last came here!”

“When was the last time you came here?” asked Navi.

“14 years ago.”

“You mean you came into a graveyard when you were 3?” asked Navi in shock.

“Yeah!”

“But, that's amazing! Most kids get freaked out when they go into a graveyard! Link got so freaked out by the ReDeads when he was 10 and slept in his sock drawer for days!”

“No. I'm just special!” said Zelda, striking a pose.

“Speaking of sleeping for days, where did our young idiot go to?” asked Navi, looking around. Link was already at the grave, studying it. Such a big word for Link!

Navi and Zelda soon joined him. “What's it say?” asked Navi, now also studying the grave closer.

“Here lies the Guardian of the Shiny Carrot, Charles Manson,” said Link, reading off of the gravestone with ease. “Helter Skelter, everyone! Helter Skelter!” Link stood up, proud of his reading.

“Charles Manson?” said Navi, confused. “Shouldn't he be in a place called America?”

“What's a America?” asked Zelda, confused.

“I don't know . . . It just sounds like a place where you could find someone like that,” Navi responded, wondering where she got the name “America” from. “It's like something other than me is controlling my mind,” she said, “telling me what to do and what to say.”

“I have that feeling too,” said Link, suddenly butting in. “It's creepy, ain't it?”

Navi nodded. “Well, I guess we're gonna have to enter.”

Link rubbed his hands together and pulled on the gravestone, revealing a small hole. Link jumped in, followed by Zelda, then Navi.

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The inside of the tomb looked just like all of the others: a dark look to it with bluish-gray walls. Little bones were scattered everywhere, but they didn't look like human bones, more like chicken.

“There doesn't seem to be any kind of ghost or something in here,” said Zelda, looking around. “The guardian of the Shiny Carrot is very guardian like.”

“Speaking of which, where is the Shiny Carrot?” asked Link.

Navi rolled her eyes. “Well DUH, Link! It's a sacred relic! Surely it has got to be hidden better!”

“She's right, dude,” came a voice from behind them.

“What was that?” asked Navi, now scared.

“I don't know! It sounded like it was coming from behind us!” said Zelda, also scared. Link started to chatter his teeth from fright and nodded to Zelda's remark.

“Don't be afraid, dudes!” came the voice again. “It's me! Charles Manson!”

The three looked around and indeed, there sat Charles Manson, X on his forehead and everything.

“ACK!” screamed Navi. “I do remember! He's Charles Manson, mass hippy murderer of the sixties!”

(A/N: To find out more about Charles Manson, ask your mommy and daddy, kids! Don't be afraid! He's only a killer! ^-^)

“ACK!” screamed Zelda and Link in unison.

“But you're supposed to be locked up in California, USA!” said Navi. “What the freak are you doing here?!?!?”

“Chill, Fairy Dude-ness Dude,” said Manson, holding his hands up in the air in “back off” fashion. “I was sitting in my humble jail cell, minding my own business, `till I saw a bright flash of light in my cell!” he said, making hand motions and everything.

“Go on,” said Navi, eyeing the hippy suspiciously.

“I was confused beyond belief!” said Manson, again making hand motion, crazy enough to rival Johnny Depp in “Pirates of the Caribbean”. “I didn't take any drugs that day, they had all been taken away from me! It was then that a shiny figure approached me and told me to come into the light.”

“Then what?” asked Zelda, regaining her composure and trying to get Link away from her. He was trying to hide behind her back.

“I said to the figure, `Hey! You can't be Jesus! I'm Jesus!', but then he said `Shut up and get into the light!' I was scared beyond belief, and did as he told. I could feel myself being sucked into another dimension, and then I heard him say that because George Harrison and Jimmy Stewart were dead, it was up to me as his 3rd favorite famous/infamous celebrity to guard the Shiny Carrot. I found myself here, and he told me to guard the carrot with my life and never let anyone take it, except for the three who were destined to stop willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas.”

“For some reason, I believe you,” said Navi. “Just don't kill us, OK?”

“I won't. He told me that if I killed the three who were destined to stop willing-to-dominate-the-world llamas, he would make me listen to The Beatles “White Album”, OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again!”

(A/N: Go to the A&E Biography website and search for “Manson”. You'll see what The Beatles have anything to do with him.)

“Well, I guess that would be bad for you, then,” said Zelda, trying to picture Charles Manson in a straight jacket in front of a record player, listening to “Helter Skelter” over and over again. “Would you believe that we are the three to stop the llamas?”

“Of course I would, he told me what you would look like,” Manson replied. “I'm not supposed to give it over that easily, though. You'll have to do something for me.”

“What would that be?” asked Navi, thinking of how bad it would be if she and Zelda were forced to join the Manson Family.

“You must sing a song with me!”

Zelda and Navi sighed in relief. Link had long ago passed out on the floor from lack of oxygen, because he was too afraid to move in front of Manson, and breathing was considered moving.

“What do we need to sing?” asked Zelda. She loved to sing, and she always wondered what it would be like to sing with a famous/infamous person. She was going to get her chance!

“We shall sing the song that drove me crazy!” Manson replied. He went to another area of his one-room grave and pulled out an LP. He then went over to another area of the grave and grabbed an old record player. He slipped the LP into the player, and music began to blare. He danced around at his success and began to sing.

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
Till I get to the bottom and I see you again.
Do you, don't you want me to love you.

Zelda clapped as she remember the song, the she began to sing as well.

I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you.
Tell me tell me tell me come on tell me the answer.
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Navi bobbed up and down, and soon all three of them were singing.

Helter Skelter

Will you, won't you want me to make you.
I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you.
Tell me tell me tell me the answer.
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Look out Helter Skelter

Helter Skelter

Look out, cause here she comes.
When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
And I get to the bottom and I see you again.

Well do you, don't you want me to love you.
I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you.
Tell me tell me tell me the answer.
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Look out helter skelter helter skelter
Helter skelter
Look out helter skelter
She's coming down fast

Yes she is

The song ended, and Manson, Zelda, and Navi threw a fist into the air and shouted “Yeah!”

“That was fun!” said Manson, clapping his hands several times. “I shall give you the Shiny Carrot!”

“Link! Wake up!” Zelda said, pulling a stick out of her pocket and poking him with it. “We got the Shiny Carrot!”

“Shiny . . .” muttered Link, still a bit unconscious.

“LINK!” shouted Navi. “MANSON'S GOT A KNIFE! RUN!”

“I'M RUNNING!” yelled Link as he shot up and started to run around the tomb. He was screaming his head off, but all Navi and Zelda could do was stare at him in disbelief.

“I can't believe that actually worked,” said Navi to herself. “Oh well. Hey Manson! Give us the carrot, please!”

“Yes, yes,” said Manson. “Here.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a key. He walked to the back of the tomb, where he put the key inside of a little slot. The back wall rose from the ground, and behind it was a large treasure chest.

“It's in the chest,” said Manson, smiling. “I can't really guard the carrot anymore, so I shall go back to California!” And with that, he was gone with a flash of bright light.

Navi looked at Zelda, Zelda looked at Link, Link looked at Navi. Then they all shouted for joy and ran towards the treasure chest. After a few minutes of beating eachother up to see who would open the chest, Navi used all of her strength and pushed the lid open.

An orange light filled the room as the fairy reached in to grab the contents of the chest. She pulled out the most beautiful carrot any of them had every seen! More beautiful, in fact, than the carrots of Zelda's vegetable collection!

The three of them performed a group hug.

“I can't believe we got it so easily!” said Navi as she wiped a tear from her face.

“Me neither!” said Zelda, balling her eyes out.

“I'm hungry!” said Link, eyeing the Shiny Carrot hungrily.

“Bad Link!” said Zelda, slapping Link's hand. “We must defeat the llamas!”

“All we need now is a plan,” said Navi.

Link, suffering from his efforts to eat the Shiny Carrot and not succeeding, walked to the back of the tomb to pout. There, he noticed something scribbled on the wall in messy handwriting.

“Hey guys!” said Link as he observed the wall. “I think I found something!”

“What?” said Zelda as she walked to where Link was.

Link pointed to the inscription and said, “Look at this.”

Zelda read the inscription, absorbing every word.

Shiny Carrot can defeat one llama

But to defeat the more than one llama

You need a bigger Shiny Carrot

To defeat more than one llama

So redundant, I am

So redundant, I am, I am

So redundant, redundant so

To Lake Hylia you go!

Ask the scientist, man

The scientist knows

And he's not redundant

This poem was brought to you by: Charles Manson

“Well apparently,” said Navi, who had also read the inscription, “The scientist at Lake Hylia knows how to make the Shiny Carrot bigger. Then, we should be able to defeat the llamas!”

“Off to Lake Hylia, then!” said Link, throwing his arms in the air.

And it was done. They exited the grave, then Kakariko, and finally made their way to Lake Hylia.

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What does the scientist know about the Shiny Carrot? Would he even know about the llamas? Why is Charles Manson the author's 3rd famous/infamous person? Why is George Harrison the first and Jimmy Stewart the second? Who cares? Stay tuned for the next Llama mamas!