Fan Fiction ❯ Llama Mamas ❯ Revenge of the Bird ( Chapter 7 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Chapter 7: Revenge of the Bird

“Initiating launch sequence in five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . .”

“Zelda,” interrupted Navi. “All we're doing is traveling in a hot air balloon. It's not like we're taking some kind of launch that will throw us HIGH into the earth's atmosphere and cause us to turn into tiny flaming wads.”

Zelda stopped and thought for a moment. “Yeah . . . you're right.” She shrugged and said in a cheerful voice, “Well in that case, sit and get ready to fly!” She then turned on the gas and up, up they went. It wasn't too long before they were at least 500 feet in the air.

“That's perfect,” said Link, looking over the side of the basket. “We're at a steady altitude.”

“Thanks!” said Zelda, smiling. “You're pretty perfect, too!”

“Wait a minute Zelda,” said Navi, quickly. “Think about that for a minute.”

Again, Zelda thank. “Whoops . . . Uh . . . Nope. Nope, you're not perfect, Link.”

Link frowned and looked at the woven basket floor. He then perked up and shouted, “WOAH! I can see through the floor of the basket! AND WE'RE FLYING!”

“Yeah, definitely not perfect,” said Navi, rolling her eyes at Link's stupidness.

“So, uh . . . How long will it take to get to Moscow at this rate?” asked Zelda, looking towards Navi.

“By the speed we're traveling it should take about . . . 7 days?”

“OH MY DAD!” said Zelda, panic struck.

“Oh my . . . dad?”

“THERE IS NO WAY I CAN STAY THAT LONG IN HERE! IT'S TOO TINY! AND I HAVE TO WEAR THE SAME CLOTHES FOR OVER A WEEK NOW!”

“Do you even know where Moscow is?”

“Uh . . . no.”

Navi, for probably the most times she has done in a chapter, rolled her eyes once more. “Idiot.”

“Wait . . .” said Link, holding a hand in the air. “I think I just thunk.”

“OK,” said Zelda, getting over her terrorizing moment. “Think outloud, then.”

“How do I go to the bathroom? I mean, you can go because I'll just forget the next minute, but how do I go?”

“Eh . . .” said Navi, eyeing Zelda. Zelda stared back at Navi, confused. “Um . . . Go over the basket while we cover our eyes, I guess.”

“OK!” said Link, grinning, eyes close, and waving is head back and forth.

“So uh . . . what do we do until we get there?” asked Zelda.

“Mmm . . . Let's sing a song!”

“Good idea!”

“What do we want to sing?” asked Link.

“I think we should sing . . . `Another Brick in the Wall' by Pink Floyd!” said Zelda.

“No way!” said Navi. “Too addicting! Let's sing `Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' by Cyndi Lauper!”

“And you think `Another Brick in the Wall' is addicting?” asked Zelda. She then tried to sing in mock Cyndi Lauper voice. “Girls, they wanna have fu-un!”

“You don't deserve to sing like Cyndi!” shouted Navi, angered.

“Well you don't deserve to call Pink Floyd addicting!” Zelda shouted back.

“WHEN THE WORKING DAY IS DONE! OH GIRLS! THEY WANNA HAVE FUN!” sang Navi as loud as she could.

“HEY! TEACHER! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE!” sang Zelda in Navi's face.

“Let's sing `Smells Like Teen Spirit' by Nirvana!” said Link, butting in on the argument.

“NO!” both shouted Navi and Zelda. Then, Zelda said, “The next thing we need to hear you do is scream!”

“True . . .” said Link, frowning. The two girls continued their rant, until Link thought of another brilliant idea. “Hey Navi, we wouldn't know anything about the llamas if it wasn't for Zelda.”

“Yeah. What's your point?”

“Let's make a song parody in honor of Zelda.”

“That's a good idea! Let's parody `Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds!' by The Beatles”!

“OK!”

Zelda rolled her eyes. Yeah. This was gonna suck.

Because the author doesn't want to stop his wonderful lyrics to tell you who is singing, he has created a little chart to explain what Link sings and what Navi sings using different fonts.

Normal font is when Link sings.

Italicized font is when Navi sings.

Bold and Italicized is when both Link and Navi sing.

Bold, Italicized, and Underlined is when Link sings with Navi in a high pitch.

Picture yourself in a courtyard on Sunday

With royal young maidens

And blazing hot sun

Go inside with her

You see someone standing

It looks like llamas on the run!

Go now to Impa and ask her about

Why there was something else there

Go to the bathroom to find all your slippers

Are gone.

Zelda in the sky with carrots!

Zelda in the sky with carrots!

AAAAAH!

Summon the fairy and the tall blond hero

Who are all real crazy, and pissed off

And stuff

Make the fairy go

On top-secret mission

The llamas will blow the world up!

Go now to Graveyard in Kakariko

Where ex-mass killers lie in vain

Sing with him “Helter Skelter” by the band

And we're gone.

Zelda in the sky with carrots!

AAAAAAAH!

Now you've got all the shiny crap that we need

To make all the llamas

Just cower and run

Now we must journey to

Old jolly Moscow

In this big balloon oh what fun!

Zelda in the sky with carrots!

Zelda in the sky with carrots!

AAAAAAAH AAAAAAH!

Zelda in the sky with carrots!

AAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAH!

And then it happened. Right as the fairy and the hero were about to finish their song, something cut them off short. A gust of wind rapidly flew by them, scaring the crap our of our favorite hero dude.

No, not Link! Zelda! Link is too busy screaming!

“Link! Shut up!” shouted the princess, revived from her panic. Link stopped. He then looked around in confusion and asked simply . . .

“Where's Navi?”

They then heard a scream from the distance. A terrified scream from the distance.

“Woah!” shouted Zelda. “A scream from the distance!”

“A terrified scream from the distance!” said Link, adding drama to the exclamation.

“YES YOU IDIOTS!” cried the voice that made the scream. “JUST SHUT UP AND SAVE ME!”

Link looked up and pointed. Zelda looked up as well, to see a bird with Navi in its talons.

Navi recognized the bird easily. It was the bird that she had accidentally rammed into when she got blasted out of the llamas' cannon.

“We shall save you Navi!” shouted Zelda as she pulled out her famed bazooka. She aimed and fired.

The bullet, or shell . . . or something . . . what do you fire out of a bazooka anyway? Oh well. The whatever came out and hit the bird right in the head, causing it to drop Navi out of its talons. And, like all things must do, Navi fell.

Navi, not really caring what was going to happen to her sorry life anymore, fell. She fell, and she fell, and she fell some more!

Thinking quickly, Zelda aimed her bazooka at Navi. The countless times of watching Pokemon told her that bazooka's can magically shoot nets instead of ammo. So she took fire, and sure enough, a net came out instead of a lethal weapon of death.

The net wrapped itself around Navi miraculously, and she was hoisted up to the hot air balloon.

Insert line break

“CRAP!” shouted an outraged General Lenin as he watched what was happening on the large computer monitor. “The Bird must be losing his touch!”

“What is the matter, Sir?” asked one of Lenin's advisors.

“The Bird just got the crap blown out of him by a bazooka!”

“That is a bummer, Sir.”

“Indeed,” said Lenin, inspecting the image of the hot air balloon that contained the girl and the singing couple. “How far away are they from us, McCarthey?”

“Approximately 20 miles, Sir.”

“How long do you think it'll take for them to get here?”

“Uh . . . The author does not know, Sir.”

“Does the author know if they can destroy us?”

“Let me check, Sir.” McCarthey looked over to a boy of fourteen. He was in a straightjacket.

“Author kid, listen! Can the three in the balloon destroy the Llama Race?”

“Llama Race?” asked the confined boy. “Maybe yes, maybe no. I am the author, I am, I am. I can do with you as I please.”

“Tell us! Or we will not release you!”

“That's not so bad,” said the boy, smiling smugly. “I like the fact that I am not able to move. I feel so special.”

“But if you are not release, you will not be able to play the new Paper Mario when it comes out!”

And in an instant, the boy's eyes bugged out of his head. “You wouldn't dare!”

“Indeed we would!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

“Just tell us already! The Reviewers are probably thinking your some kind of freak!”

“But I am a freak! A freak is the only kind of person that would write something like this! I mean, I'm making fun of my own freakiness! Now that is freaky!”

“Just tell us!”

“Fine! Yes, they will!”

“Alright then!” McCarthey then walked back to General Lenin.

“Well?” asked Lenin. “Can they destroy us?”

“Enough to blow us up 100 times over, Sir.”

“Poo.”

Insert line break

Yeah. Like I said in the story, I'm going to be playing Paper Mario. As said in my profile, I'm not going to be able to update for a while because of it.

So sorry! Now please Review!