Fan Fiction ❯ Lord of the Rings : What REALLY happened (Behind the Book) ❯ Mines of Moria : The true story ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Angel_Star 
Guys, I am sorry! I am not going to spoil the fun! Read it and find out!
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Action / Romance / Fantasy / Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 01.27.2003 | Pages: 5 | Words: 1.6K | Visits: 523 | Status: Completed
Guys, I am sorry! I am not going to spoil the fun! Read it and find out!
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Action / Romance / Fantasy / Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 01.27.2003 | Pages: 5 | Words: 1.6K | Visits: 523 | Status: Completed
Chapter 1 - The Mines of Moria : What REALLY happened
Tolkien describes an amazing fight of orcs and the balrog in the mines that were built by the dwarves but actually...
In the 3 days that they spent trying to find the password so they could enter the mines, a LOT of things happened. Frodo demonstrated interest in Aragorn, leaving Sam, his loyal "gardener", jealous. Gandalf was smoking even more hobbit weeds, and corrupting Gimli and Boromir to give it a try. While the SANE members suffered with Gandalf's visions.
Finally they were at the middle of the mines...
Gandalf: Come forth guys, I ve just lit one weed!
Gimli: This one shall be mine!
Gimli gets the weed and starts smoking it, on his side are Aragorn and Boromir, mere humans, almost fading with the weed's "amazing" power.
Aragorn: This is one cool shit! Ain t I m right Boromir, old chap?
Boromir doesn t answer, he has a vicious look in his face and his murmuring to himself
Boromir: It should ve been mine! It should ve been mine!
Aragorn: By Saruman's beard, What should ve been yours boromir?
Boromir comes to himself
Boromir: What?Who?Where am I?Its dark in here!
Aragorn: By Tolkien's sake Boromir! We re on a mine!
Boromir: What? A mine? This can t be! Last time I remember, I was in Rivendell!
Aragorn: By Bombadil Boromir! We haven t been in Rivendell for the last 2 years!
Boromir stays silent for a sec.
Aragorn: Boromir, come in!
Boromir: It should ve been mine! It should ve been mine!
Aragorn: ARGHH! How can the heir of Gondor, future husband of Arwen, has to walk in the company of such creature!?
Boromir: Wait a minute... GONDOR HAS NO KING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aragorn breaths heavily
Aragorn: Here we go again...
Boromir: I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the other end of that same room, the hobbits are sitting quietly...
Merry: This is so boring! I can t stand these guys smoking anymore!
Pippin: Yeah! We should never have left the Shire!
Frodo: That s because you guys don t no how to have fun! Right Sam??
Sam: Yeah Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: Guess what Sam? Let s play hide and seek!
Sam: Good idea Mr. Frodo! I could kiss you for this wonderful idea!
Frodo: Only if you can catch me Sam!
Frodo puts on the ring and disapears, they begin playing as two children as Legolas watches in horror
Legolas: DON T USE THE RING TO SATISFY YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES!!!!!
Sam: How did you know about my sexual desires for Mr.Frodo?
Legolas: I didn t! You just told me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Legolas laughs for about 5 minutes, Merry and Pippin join him.
Sam: Well... If I were you, I d keep that a secret!
Legolas: give me one good reason!(still laughing)
Sam: If you don t shut up, Ill tell everyone else your deal with the Dwarf!
Legolas freezes in horror, the hobbits start laughing
Frodo(taking the ring off): HAHAHA! You show him Sam!HAHAHAHA!!!
Legolas: Samwise Gamgi, you wouldn t dare...
Sam: I double dare!
Hobbits: Sam, of the Shire!!! Sam, of the Shire!!!
Legolas(starting to cry): I thought you were my friends!
Suddenly, a hand touches his shoulder, its Gandalf
Gandalf: What s the matter Legolas boy? Why are you crying?
Legolas: Nothing. Nothing.
Gandalf: Your not interacting with the team Legolas. Just because you re an elf it doesn t mean that you are special!!!!
Legolas: I know! I know! just tell me, how can I change?
Gandalf: Well, you can smoke some weed with us!
he points at the part of the room where Gimli, Boromir and Aragorn are smoking. Legolas looks mainly at Gimli
Legolas: They seem to be having a good time...
Gandalf: Sure as hell they are! Join them!
Legolas: What would master Elron say? He taught me not to smoke hobbit weed... He said it is bad for your health...
Gandalf: Who cares about health, if you re immortal?
Legolas:You know what? You re right!
he walks towards the smoking group...Gimli looks up at him
Gimli: Have some of mine, master elf.
Legolas(taking the pipe from gimli): Thanks master Dwarf, you re so nice to me...
Aragorn: Just shut up and smoke it!!!!
Legolas: uh... OK!
Legolas is smoking intusiasmatically, but, suddenly, falls to the floor, straight as wood
Aragorn: Look Boromir, he passed out!
Boromir doesn t reply
Aragorn: You re smoking too much!
Suddenly, Gandalf touches Pippin s shoulder.
Gandalf:Fool of a Tuk!
Pippin:What have I done?
Gandalf:(pointing at a blank space on the room)YOU JUST ANOUNCED OUR POSITION TO THOSE ORCS!!!!!!!!!!!
Pippin:Wich orcs????
Gandalf:ORCS!ORCS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gimli:SHIT!I SEE THEM TOO!!!!!!!!!!
Aragorn:WERE SURROUNDED!!!!!
Gandalf,Aragorn,and Gimli begin fighting with the air while the Hobbits watch them in horror.They insist on scream while they fight.
Frodo:My sword doesnt indicate orcs around us!
Pippin:Thats because there are no orcs!They are way too high!
Aragorn:GET DOWN!!!!!
Aragorn pushes the hobbits around
Frodo:OUCH!This hurts!!!!
the hobbits trample Legolas,that wakes up.
Legolas:Whats going on?
Aragorn:ORCS!!!!!!!!!
Legolas:Were????I cant see!!!!!!
Aragorn:The weed is making them invisible to you!!!!!SHOOT!!!!
Legolas:But I cant shoot what I cant see!!!!
Aragorn:TRUST ME!THEY ARE HERE!!!!SHOOT EVERYTHING!!!!!!
Legolas starts shooting everything that moves,the hobbits try to evade his arrows.One arrow hits Frodo.
Frodo:AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!SAM!!!!!!!!
Sam:oh NOO!Master Frodo was shot in the ass!
Frodo:TAKE IT OUT SAM TAKE IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam:But HOW?
Frodo:TAKE IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
while Sam is both trying to avoid Legola s arrows and save Frodo s butt,Gandalf is slapping Boromir so he will come to himself
Gandalf:WAKE UP YOU FOOL!!!!!!!!!!
Boromir:It should have been mine!
Gandalf:WAKE UP!!!!!WERE UNDER ATTACK!!!!!!!
The word attack echoes in Boromir s mind,he wakes up in a frenzy
Boromir:DIE YOU FILTHY ORCS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boromir punches Gandalf thinking he s a orc,one of Legolas s arrows hits his shield.
Boromir:BAH!!!THIS IS USELESS AGAINST THE HEIR OF GONDOR!!!!
Aragorn:Hey! wait a minute!IM THE HEIR OF GONDOR!!!!!!
Boromir wacks Aragorn with his shield.
Boromir:GONDOR HAS NO KING!!!!!!!GONDOR HAS NO KING!!!!!!!!!
Boromir trows his shield across the room and it hits Legolas on the head causing him to faint agin,Boromir looks then to Gimli standing on top of his cousin s grave.
Boromir:CAVE TROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gimli:WHAT????WHERE?????
Boromir jumps on top of Gimli,they begin wrestling on top of Balin s tomb.While Frodo recovers from the wound,he sees the scene and thinks its something else.
Frodo:and they say Im the gay one!hihihihihihi!
Suddenly...a real Balrog walks into the room
Balrog:Cant anyone get some sleep????
Frodo:AHHHHHH! BALROG!!!! GANDALF DO SOMETHING!!!!!!
Gandalf:What? Balrog? I can t see!
Pippin:This isn t happening! This isn t happening!
Suddenly Legolas wakes up (again)
Legolas: OH MY! ITS A BALROG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog:will you stop screaming??
Legolas: AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: I am getting pissed off! you better stop and get out of my house!
Pippin: See Gandalf! Did you listen to that voice?!
Gandalf: HAHAHA! you play tricks with me just because I m a little dizzy!
Aragorn wakes up
Aragorn: OH MY! ITS A BALROG!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog:OK, ONE MORE SCREAM AND I LL REDUCE YOU ALL TO ASHES!!!!!
Gandalf: I assume there is a Balrog then, let s all stay quiet and avoid the worst!
They all stay really quiet, but then...
Boromir: THE WHITE CITY WONT FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: UUUURRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH...
Gimly: BOROMIR, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: UUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH...
Boromir: BY GONDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gimly: STOP SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: UUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH...
Boromir: THE WHITE CITY WON T FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gandalf: WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Frodo:MY ASS IS BLEEDING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legolas:I THINK IM GOING TO TROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: DON T YOU DO IT! DON T YOU DARE...
Legolas throws up on to of Pippin
Pippin: LEGOLAS!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: THIS IS IT!!!!!! I WILL REDUCE YOU ALL TO ASHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Balrog stars spitting fire wildly
Aragorn: SHIT! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
they begin running, the balrog follows them, luckly, he slips on legolas' vomit and falls on a abism, but taking Gandalf with him
Frodo: GANDALF!!!!!
Aragorn: NO!!!!!! OUR WHOLE WEED WAS WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!
they stop for a moment to realize what they have lost
Aragorn: We can get more weed when we return to the Shire!
Gimli: Yeah! But who will be our new leader now? Aragorn or Boromir?
They all look at Boromir
Boromir: THE WHITE CITY SHALL NOT FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aragorn look at the others
Aragorn: Me! Defenetly ME!
Epilogue- Isengard
Saruman, the traitorous white wizard, has just created his army of URUKHAI
Saruman: Whom do you serve??
Ork: Good question... Whom do I serve???
Saruman in rage, waks the orc with his stick until he stops breathing
he looks at the rest of the urukhai
Saruman: I will ask one more time.... Whom do you serve???
All: SARUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saruman: Again!!!!
all:SSAARRUMMAANN!!!!!!!!
Saruman: Chorus!!!!!!!
all: SARUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saruman: Yes! Yes! There will be no Dawn to men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saruman screamed so loud that he ended up farting. And his fart killed the commander orc
Saruman(looking at an orc): Congratulations! You ve just won a promotion!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Thank You for reading guys, I hope you enjoyed it!
The LOTR adventure continues in lothlorien forest!
Thank You again!
~#~#~#~#~
Angel Star
E-mail me at AngelStar93117@hotmail.com
I don t own LOTR characters
Tolkien describes an amazing fight of orcs and the balrog in the mines that were built by the dwarves but actually...
In the 3 days that they spent trying to find the password so they could enter the mines, a LOT of things happened. Frodo demonstrated interest in Aragorn, leaving Sam, his loyal "gardener", jealous. Gandalf was smoking even more hobbit weeds, and corrupting Gimli and Boromir to give it a try. While the SANE members suffered with Gandalf's visions.
Finally they were at the middle of the mines...
Gandalf: Come forth guys, I ve just lit one weed!
Gimli: This one shall be mine!
Gimli gets the weed and starts smoking it, on his side are Aragorn and Boromir, mere humans, almost fading with the weed's "amazing" power.
Aragorn: This is one cool shit! Ain t I m right Boromir, old chap?
Boromir doesn t answer, he has a vicious look in his face and his murmuring to himself
Boromir: It should ve been mine! It should ve been mine!
Aragorn: By Saruman's beard, What should ve been yours boromir?
Boromir comes to himself
Boromir: What?Who?Where am I?Its dark in here!
Aragorn: By Tolkien's sake Boromir! We re on a mine!
Boromir: What? A mine? This can t be! Last time I remember, I was in Rivendell!
Aragorn: By Bombadil Boromir! We haven t been in Rivendell for the last 2 years!
Boromir stays silent for a sec.
Aragorn: Boromir, come in!
Boromir: It should ve been mine! It should ve been mine!
Aragorn: ARGHH! How can the heir of Gondor, future husband of Arwen, has to walk in the company of such creature!?
Boromir: Wait a minute... GONDOR HAS NO KING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aragorn breaths heavily
Aragorn: Here we go again...
Boromir: I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the other end of that same room, the hobbits are sitting quietly...
Merry: This is so boring! I can t stand these guys smoking anymore!
Pippin: Yeah! We should never have left the Shire!
Frodo: That s because you guys don t no how to have fun! Right Sam??
Sam: Yeah Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: Guess what Sam? Let s play hide and seek!
Sam: Good idea Mr. Frodo! I could kiss you for this wonderful idea!
Frodo: Only if you can catch me Sam!
Frodo puts on the ring and disapears, they begin playing as two children as Legolas watches in horror
Legolas: DON T USE THE RING TO SATISFY YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES!!!!!
Sam: How did you know about my sexual desires for Mr.Frodo?
Legolas: I didn t! You just told me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Legolas laughs for about 5 minutes, Merry and Pippin join him.
Sam: Well... If I were you, I d keep that a secret!
Legolas: give me one good reason!(still laughing)
Sam: If you don t shut up, Ill tell everyone else your deal with the Dwarf!
Legolas freezes in horror, the hobbits start laughing
Frodo(taking the ring off): HAHAHA! You show him Sam!HAHAHAHA!!!
Legolas: Samwise Gamgi, you wouldn t dare...
Sam: I double dare!
Hobbits: Sam, of the Shire!!! Sam, of the Shire!!!
Legolas(starting to cry): I thought you were my friends!
Suddenly, a hand touches his shoulder, its Gandalf
Gandalf: What s the matter Legolas boy? Why are you crying?
Legolas: Nothing. Nothing.
Gandalf: Your not interacting with the team Legolas. Just because you re an elf it doesn t mean that you are special!!!!
Legolas: I know! I know! just tell me, how can I change?
Gandalf: Well, you can smoke some weed with us!
he points at the part of the room where Gimli, Boromir and Aragorn are smoking. Legolas looks mainly at Gimli
Legolas: They seem to be having a good time...
Gandalf: Sure as hell they are! Join them!
Legolas: What would master Elron say? He taught me not to smoke hobbit weed... He said it is bad for your health...
Gandalf: Who cares about health, if you re immortal?
Legolas:You know what? You re right!
he walks towards the smoking group...Gimli looks up at him
Gimli: Have some of mine, master elf.
Legolas(taking the pipe from gimli): Thanks master Dwarf, you re so nice to me...
Aragorn: Just shut up and smoke it!!!!
Legolas: uh... OK!
Legolas is smoking intusiasmatically, but, suddenly, falls to the floor, straight as wood
Aragorn: Look Boromir, he passed out!
Boromir doesn t reply
Aragorn: You re smoking too much!
Suddenly, Gandalf touches Pippin s shoulder.
Gandalf:Fool of a Tuk!
Pippin:What have I done?
Gandalf:(pointing at a blank space on the room)YOU JUST ANOUNCED OUR POSITION TO THOSE ORCS!!!!!!!!!!!
Pippin:Wich orcs????
Gandalf:ORCS!ORCS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gimli:SHIT!I SEE THEM TOO!!!!!!!!!!
Aragorn:WERE SURROUNDED!!!!!
Gandalf,Aragorn,and Gimli begin fighting with the air while the Hobbits watch them in horror.They insist on scream while they fight.
Frodo:My sword doesnt indicate orcs around us!
Pippin:Thats because there are no orcs!They are way too high!
Aragorn:GET DOWN!!!!!
Aragorn pushes the hobbits around
Frodo:OUCH!This hurts!!!!
the hobbits trample Legolas,that wakes up.
Legolas:Whats going on?
Aragorn:ORCS!!!!!!!!!
Legolas:Were????I cant see!!!!!!
Aragorn:The weed is making them invisible to you!!!!!SHOOT!!!!
Legolas:But I cant shoot what I cant see!!!!
Aragorn:TRUST ME!THEY ARE HERE!!!!SHOOT EVERYTHING!!!!!!
Legolas starts shooting everything that moves,the hobbits try to evade his arrows.One arrow hits Frodo.
Frodo:AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!SAM!!!!!!!!
Sam:oh NOO!Master Frodo was shot in the ass!
Frodo:TAKE IT OUT SAM TAKE IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam:But HOW?
Frodo:TAKE IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
while Sam is both trying to avoid Legola s arrows and save Frodo s butt,Gandalf is slapping Boromir so he will come to himself
Gandalf:WAKE UP YOU FOOL!!!!!!!!!!
Boromir:It should have been mine!
Gandalf:WAKE UP!!!!!WERE UNDER ATTACK!!!!!!!
The word attack echoes in Boromir s mind,he wakes up in a frenzy
Boromir:DIE YOU FILTHY ORCS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boromir punches Gandalf thinking he s a orc,one of Legolas s arrows hits his shield.
Boromir:BAH!!!THIS IS USELESS AGAINST THE HEIR OF GONDOR!!!!
Aragorn:Hey! wait a minute!IM THE HEIR OF GONDOR!!!!!!
Boromir wacks Aragorn with his shield.
Boromir:GONDOR HAS NO KING!!!!!!!GONDOR HAS NO KING!!!!!!!!!
Boromir trows his shield across the room and it hits Legolas on the head causing him to faint agin,Boromir looks then to Gimli standing on top of his cousin s grave.
Boromir:CAVE TROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gimli:WHAT????WHERE?????
Boromir jumps on top of Gimli,they begin wrestling on top of Balin s tomb.While Frodo recovers from the wound,he sees the scene and thinks its something else.
Frodo:and they say Im the gay one!hihihihihihi!
Suddenly...a real Balrog walks into the room
Balrog:Cant anyone get some sleep????
Frodo:AHHHHHH! BALROG!!!! GANDALF DO SOMETHING!!!!!!
Gandalf:What? Balrog? I can t see!
Pippin:This isn t happening! This isn t happening!
Suddenly Legolas wakes up (again)
Legolas: OH MY! ITS A BALROG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog:will you stop screaming??
Legolas: AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: I am getting pissed off! you better stop and get out of my house!
Pippin: See Gandalf! Did you listen to that voice?!
Gandalf: HAHAHA! you play tricks with me just because I m a little dizzy!
Aragorn wakes up
Aragorn: OH MY! ITS A BALROG!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog:OK, ONE MORE SCREAM AND I LL REDUCE YOU ALL TO ASHES!!!!!
Gandalf: I assume there is a Balrog then, let s all stay quiet and avoid the worst!
They all stay really quiet, but then...
Boromir: THE WHITE CITY WONT FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: UUUURRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH...
Gimly: BOROMIR, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: UUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH...
Boromir: BY GONDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gimly: STOP SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: UUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH...
Boromir: THE WHITE CITY WON T FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gandalf: WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Frodo:MY ASS IS BLEEDING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legolas:I THINK IM GOING TO TROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: DON T YOU DO IT! DON T YOU DARE...
Legolas throws up on to of Pippin
Pippin: LEGOLAS!!!!!!!!!!
Balrog: THIS IS IT!!!!!! I WILL REDUCE YOU ALL TO ASHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Balrog stars spitting fire wildly
Aragorn: SHIT! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
they begin running, the balrog follows them, luckly, he slips on legolas' vomit and falls on a abism, but taking Gandalf with him
Frodo: GANDALF!!!!!
Aragorn: NO!!!!!! OUR WHOLE WEED WAS WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!
they stop for a moment to realize what they have lost
Aragorn: We can get more weed when we return to the Shire!
Gimli: Yeah! But who will be our new leader now? Aragorn or Boromir?
They all look at Boromir
Boromir: THE WHITE CITY SHALL NOT FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aragorn look at the others
Aragorn: Me! Defenetly ME!
Epilogue- Isengard
Saruman, the traitorous white wizard, has just created his army of URUKHAI
Saruman: Whom do you serve??
Ork: Good question... Whom do I serve???
Saruman in rage, waks the orc with his stick until he stops breathing
he looks at the rest of the urukhai
Saruman: I will ask one more time.... Whom do you serve???
All: SARUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saruman: Again!!!!
all:SSAARRUMMAANN!!!!!!!!
Saruman: Chorus!!!!!!!
all: SARUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saruman: Yes! Yes! There will be no Dawn to men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saruman screamed so loud that he ended up farting. And his fart killed the commander orc
Saruman(looking at an orc): Congratulations! You ve just won a promotion!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Thank You for reading guys, I hope you enjoyed it!
The LOTR adventure continues in lothlorien forest!
Thank You again!
~#~#~#~#~
Angel Star
E-mail me at AngelStar93117@hotmail.com
I don t own LOTR characters